DAGWOOD: Uh-uh, uh-uh.
Don't touch that dial.
Blondie!
[♪♪♪]
Well, tomorrow's the big day,
Alexander.
Yup. I'll be 16.
Boy, I feel positively ancient.
Yeah. That's pretty old.
Yeah, now I got the party
all set.
We're gonna have noisemakers
and funny hats and look at this.
[LAUGHS] I'm gonna put it on
and try it out on Blondie.
Come on, little one.
DAGWOOD: Hello, honey.
-[SCREAMS]
-[METAL CLANKING]
Dagwood, help, help.
I'm the one that needs help.
Oh, Dagwood, I'm sorry.
-Speak to me, speak to me.
-Hello.
Oh, Dagwood.
I guess your birthday's starting
early this year.
Sure it is.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
Tighten a little more
at the top, Pop.
-Yeah, how's that?
-That's fine.
-Okay.
-Hmm, boy!
I wanted this
more than anything else.
-Oh, you kind of like it, huh?
-It's fabulous.
When the kids come to the party,
we can all play.
-Well, uh-huh.
-I play ping-pong, too.
-You do?
-Uh, I don't play ping-pong.
-Oh.
-I play table tennis.
Well, isn't this
a ping-pong paddle?
-Yeah.
-Mm-hmm.
-Aren't these ping-pong balls?
-Well, sure.
He doesn't play table tennis,
he plays ping-pong.
[CHUCKLES]
Well now, Cookie,
you just stand aside
and let your old pop,
give your little brother
a few lessons.
But, Pop, really,
I don't need any lessons.
Oh, well, we'll see about that.
Now, you'll hold the paddle
like this. Now, the object
of the game is--
Pops, why don't we just play
a game
and you can explain it
to me then?
Well, okay, but now,
don't get mad
if you don't win at first.
Okay, Pop, you go ahead
and serve.
And you gotta be
a good sportsman.
Nobody likes a sore loser.
Okay, Pop, you serve.
Now watch this first serve,
I'm going to put
a little twist on it.
[GASPS]
Beginner's luck, huh?
Get the ball, Daisy.
-[DAISY BARKS]
-Ready?
That's pretty good,
but I, uh, still don't think
you're holding
your paddle right.
Yeah, now--
Oh, thank you, Daisy.
Now, off the court,
off the court.
Now, now, now, watch this one,
this is my old specialty,
my old double twist
screw ball serve.
-You ready?
-Yeah.
Any time, Pop.
-Huh?
-[DAISY BARKS]
There must be something
different in the way
they're making
these paddles now.
They don't put the stuff in it
they used to.
Hmm? Oh, and thank you, Daisy.
Now off the court.
Go get the other ball.
-Now I've figured it out.
-DAGWOOD: What?
You're playing table tennis
and Daddy's playing ping-pong.
Cookie, go out to the kitchen
and help your mother, please?
-Can I watch?
-No, because you're making
your brother nervous.
And you can come back
after I give Alexander
a few more lessons.
Oh, all right.
-You ready?
-Can I try one, Pop?
Yeah, well, go ahead,
but now don't be upset
-if I whip it right back to you.
-Okay.
All right Daisy, get the ball.
[DAISY BARKING]
There must be something wrong
with this table.
-Here, try it again.
-Okay.
[♪♪♪]
Ah, fine thing.
There must be something wrong
with that ping-pong table.
Oh, no.
Yeah, no matter which side
of the table I stand on,
the balls always take
a funny hop.
Gee, Daddy,
don't be a sore loser.
-Yeah, I'm not a sore loser.
-Of course you're not,
you just like to win
all the time.
-Yeah. What?
-Didn't you know
that he's one
of the best players in town?
-Oh, he is?
-That's right.
Well, no wonder.
Like father like son. [LAUGHS]
-Happy birthday, Dagwood.
-Yeah.
Well, it isn't my birthday,
it's Alexander's.
Oh, it seems like your birthday.
You always have the fun.
Well, Alexander wants us all
to have a good time.
-Oh, is he coming to his party?
-Certainly he is.
I thought I'd sing something
appropriate for a boy
who just turned 16, like, uh,
standing on the corner,
watching all the girls go by.
You can see how his mind runs.
Would you like me to sing
at the party, too?
Of course, Harriet.
Why don't you and Herb
sing a duet?
-If you do, I'll drown you out.
-Why I have a very nice voice.
Would you mind
saying that again?
I have a very nice voice.
No further questions.
Who else is coming?
You know Duke, the delivery boy
for Stalls Market?
Well, I thought I'd ask him
to sing.
-Yeah.
-Blondie, another singer?
Well, I guess it's all right
if you think
I'm not sufficiently
entertaining.
-Oh, Herb.
-Well, I haven't got anything
against Duke.
I guess it's all right.
He's probably
got a very nice voice.
-Probably sings flat.
-Yeah.
He'll sing in anybody's flat.
-[LAUGHS]
-Oh, no.
I'm sure it'll work out
all right.
And remember,
Dagwood and I can sing too.
-Oh, he can sing?
-Just like a bird.
Yeah, but not like
a nightingale.
I've heard him quacking around
in the shower.
You better keep him out
of the marshes
when duck hunting season
rolls around.
Oh, yeah? Well,
I've heard you sing too,
you eardrums piercer.
Hey, I might even take you off
the entertainment list.
You can't do it, I'm gonna be
the master of ceremonies.
-Yeah. I am it.
-You did it last year.
Yes, and I did such a grand job,
I've just appointed myself
the master of ceremonies
for this year, too.
Oh, I'll--
-Now, Dagwood.
-Huh?
You are not going to emcee
the show.
Look, Blondie, I'm the boss
around here and what I say goes.
-Okay, boss...
-Hmm.
...what do you say?
Well... well, I say,
whatever you say is okay.
I guess that makes me the emcee
of this year party.
No, I'm gonna do it this year.
Good for you, Blondie.
What's going on?
Can I get in on it?
It's a little squabble
as to who's gonna sing
at your birthday party
and who's gonna emcee it.
-Sing?
-And I'm gonna tap dance.
-Oh, no.
-Yeah.
And Buck Rabbit's gonna bring
his ropes and gonna do
-rope spinning and--
-But, Pop, I'm 16 today.
And you'll be 17
on your next birthday.
And Pete the manager
of the Coo-Coo Club,
said he'd drop in
and play the piano.
-Hey, that's great.
-[CHUCKLES]
Oh, no, on second thought
I guess not.
If one adult gets into the party
then all the grown ups
wanna get into the act.
And honestly, I just wanna party
with the kids I invited.
A few fellas and girls.
Yeah well, and that's fine,
but what are you gonna do?
We'll make out all right.
We don't need any music
or anything. We'll be fine.
But I always sing a couple
of songs on your birthday.
Yeah. But I'm 16 now.
Yeah but, look we wanna give
a party that's a party.
Why?
Uh, well, so everybody
gotta have a good time.
We'll have a swell time.
Oh, but, dear,
your father wants you to, uh--
Gee, Mom, it's my birthday
and my party, isn't it?
-I hope you understand.
-Yeah.
I never get a chance to sing.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Say, have you seen
my new ping-pong table?
Ping-pong table?
Hey, I gotta see that.
I used to be
the pingiest ponger in town.
Yeah, but didn't have
so much weight to cart around.
-He is a little older.
-Yeah.
He doesn't want me
to help him I guess.
I'm a fop as a pop.
Now, Dagwood, he just wants
to be independent.
He doesn't need us
and that's good.
I'm bad as a dad.
It's his party.
He's unhappy I'm his pappy.
Well, I guess
we just have to call Buck
and tell him to uh, not to bring
the rope tricks
and just forget the whole deal.
Hey, what are we gonna do
about Pete?
Well, we'll call him.
Yeah. He just doesn't want us.
-He just doesn't want us.
-Well, that's life.
We've been discarded,
tossed aside,
I guess we're ready
for the junky.
Say you ought to send
that ping-pong table back.
Those balls don't bounce
right off of it.
Herb's mad
because Alexander creamed him.
-He's worse than Daddy.
-Thanks Cookie.
Honest, Mr. Woodley,
the table's all right.
Tell you what I'll do
to make it even.
I'll stick the paddle
in my mouth
and play with both hands
behind my back.
Oh, happy birthday.
Come on, Harriet.
Well, happy birthday, Alexander.
Thanks, Mom.
And it looks like it's gonna be
a pretty good one too.
Oh yes, happy birthday,
Alexander.
Me too.
-GIRL: Come on, Patty.
-Come on, man, hit that ball.
Come on, Patty,
what's going on over there?
-Kick him out.
-Come and get it.
-We got a speed bump.
-Okay.
-BOY: Come on. Hit it hard.
-Well, let's go.
Cookie, get out of the way!
Scram!
Move, Pop.
Scram, Pop.
Come on, come on, come on,
Alexander. Move out.
Put him away, Patty. [CHEERS]
Come on.
-Move over.
-Come on Patty.
Eighteen to nineteen,
Alexander's favor.
Say, you mean,
he doesn't want me
to play for them?
Now what's happened
to younger generation?
-They're all going corn ball?
-[BOTH LAUGH]
It's just they don't want
any adults interfering.
-Yeah.
-Oh.
I was afraid they'd all become
Waltz lovers.
-Mm-hmm.
-What's that?
Oh, you know...
[YODELING]
Oh, that stuff.
Gee I'm sorry, Pete,
after you're being up
half the night
in your nightclub--
It's all right, Dagwood.
You know, I usually sleep
during the day and it was...
it was kind of interesting
to get up.
First time I've ever seen
this town during the daytime.
Oh, man, this sunlight
is rough on the eyes.
And I've never seen
so many people.
Uh, how come
that they don't work at night
like everybody else?
They're just different, I guess.
Yeah, anybody wanna work
in all that sunlight
must be an odd ball.
Well, I'll be seeing you.
You keep cool.
-Yeah.
-Bye.
-BLONDIE: Bye.
-DAGWOOD: Thank you, Pete.
-DAGWOOD: Oh, he's a nice guy.
-Yeah.
-Come on, come on, hit it,
it's your last chance.
-Let's go.
-Get it, get it.
-That's it, that's it.
Nineteen to twenty-one,
Alexander wins.
Rough game, Patty.
It's your birthday,
I had to let you win.
-How about it?
-Sure did.
Say, anybody else wanna play?
Why? Who wants to get beaten?
-Yeah.
-Well, what are we gonna do?
It's your birthday,
what do you wanna do?
Just goof off, I guess.
That'll be a blast.
-Anybody got any suggestions?
-Nah.
-I could play some records.
-No, thanks.
Louis Armstrong?
How about Billy May?
Lawrence Welk?
I thought there was gonna be
some entertainment?
-Bring on the dancing girls.
-Entertainment?
Sure, this is from Nothingville.
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
-Wait a minute.
I still think
there's something wrong
-with that ping-pong table.
-Mom, Pop.
-What's the matter?
-Oh, did you run out of cokes?
No, but my party's laying
a b*mb.
-Goodie.
-Cookie.
Serves him right
for not wanting me to tap dance.
It's getting dull in there,
what can we do?
Well, uh, maybe I could get
the Woodleys to come back.
Uh, yeah, and if you want them
I can get Duke and Buck
-and maybe--
-Hey, swell, that's great,
you gotta save me.
-Okay.
-I will get on my tap shoes.
Yeah, don't worry, Alexander,
we'll get this party
off the ground.
[LAUGHS]
Well, happy birthday.
Oh, Mom.
[♪♪♪]
Blondie, Blondie, look.
I've been looking for Pete
all over,
I can't find him everywhere,
I mean,
I was trying to call him but--
Well, he's not used
to the light of day,
-maybe he's had a sun stroke.
-Yeah.
Well, we'll just have to do
without a piano player,
-that's all.
-Yeah.
I can still do my tap dance,
if they'll go like this for me.
Oh, yes.
-Oh, fine, fine.
-Yeah.
Well, I'll introduce you first,
Buck.
Wait, wait, uh, I'm nervous.
Oh, dear, well,
somebody's gotta start the show.
Yeah. Well, how about you?
You're the mistress
of ceremonies, go ahead.
-Uh, yeah. Uh, well, uh, no.
-Yeah. Huh?
Uh, maybe better introduce me.
Yeah, well, all right,
here it goes.
-[ALL GASP]
-BOY: He's all right.
-I tripped on a straw.
-A straw?
Hey, these are dangerous things.
[ALL LAUGH]
All right, kids.
Come on, back to your seats.
All you audiences back,
sit down,
-all you little audiences.
-[ALL LAUGH]
[SHUSHES]
Please the show is on.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm about to introduce
a young lady you all know
as Mrs. Dagwood Bumstead.
-I know her as Blondie.
-[ALL LAUGH]
And here she is,
your mistress of ceremonies,
Blondie Bumstead.
Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen,
future presidents
and lady ambassadors.
Welcome to the 16th Annual
Alexander's Birthday Party.
[APPLAUSE]
-BOY: Yeah.
-We have wonderful show for you.
We have some wonderful
celebrities.
Of course you've never heard
of them before,
but they're wonderful
celebrities.
[ALL LAUGH]
We did have a piano player,
but unfortunately
he was fired
by a junior executive.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Well, we'll just have
to get along without him.
First, I'd like to introduce
one of the greatest
animal trainers of all time.
A man of great courage,
a man who is afraid
of absolutely nothing
except possibly his wife.
[ALL LAUGH]
And here he is,
Clyde Deety Bumstead.
[♪♪♪]
Thank you, fellow taxpayers.
You're about to be introduced
to the most vicious,
the most ferocious wild animal
that has ever lived.
This animal I have trained
to answer my every command.
-Are you talking about me?
-No, no, I'm not.
And now that wild
and wooly man-eating animal,
here it is. Come on, let him out
of the cage.
Yeah, look out, he's dangerous.
There, hey, a little dance,
a little dance,
Daisy, little dance.
[DAISY BARKING]
DAGWOOD: No, no, no, no.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey.
There we are.
Now, Daisy, could you say
your prayers?
All nice little dogs
say their prayers at night.
Now say your prayers.
Come on, say your prayer.
No, no, no,
you say your prayer.
Daisy, say your prayer.
Say your prayer.
-[APPLAUSE]
-There how is that?
Hey. Yeah.
Now, Daisy, listen.
Oh, wait, oh, a bow?
All right, Daisy, take a bow.
[APPLAUSE]
Just sneeze, Daisy, sneeze.
[SNEEZES]
[GASPS] Oh, here.
Here, here, there.
GIRL: Ew.
Now, I want you to meet
the only talking dog
in the world.
What covers a house?
-What covers a house?
-[BARKS]
See? Roof? [CHUCKLES]
All right, Daisy.
Now, who's your favorite
baseball player?
See? Ruth. Babe Ruth.
[APPLAUSE]
[DAISY BARKING]
Huh? Ted Williams?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
DAGWOOD: Yeah. Get out of there.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Daisy's family,
come on, hurry up.
Hey, hey, hey, come here.
Come here, come on, g*ng.
Okay, g*ng.
[DAGWOOD WHISTLING]
-Come on here, come on,
-GIRL: Hey, puppy.
-Yeah. Go back.
-Hey, Daisy.
Here, give them to me.
Yeah. Give them to me.
Here we are.
We've got another dog there.
Come on.
Uh, thank you very much.
There we are.
Down there, here,
come here now,
now stay right here now.
Now, now I want you to meet,
here's Elmer,
and there's little Lucy,
and this...
Oh, this one we lost--
What happened to his head?
Oh, the wrong end.
Yeah. Now where's--
Now, the idea
is to make them all sit up
at the same time.
And here we go, fellas.
Come on, Elmer, come on now.
Up, Elmer, there.
Now stay there.
Come on, stay, come on,
come on, stay.
Oh, sorry.
-Come on, stay, stay.
-[APPLAUSE]
This is sort of the idea.
There you are.
All right. Come on, g*ng,
come on, g*ng, let's go.
Come on the show's over,
come on.
[ALL LAUGH]
Come on, Elmer, come on now,
come on.
Elmer move it.
Hey, ham bone,
will you get off there?
Now, now, you can get down now,
Elmer.
Come on, come on, come on.
Take another bow, Clyde.
Elmer, come on.
Elmer, will you come on?
We gotta get the show
on the road.
Come on, come on.
-Yeah. Hmm.
-[GIGGLES]
Well, I guess,
Elmer has a mind of his own.
And now direct from Hollywood,
here is the dancing star
of that wonderful movie,
Hot-Rod Buck Girl
Meets Calypso Joe,
with Cookie Bumstead.
[APPLAUSE]
Since we don't have a piano,
let's give her a b*at. Okay?
-[ALL CLAP]
-[TAPPING]
[SHOES TAPPING]
Go, Cookie.
-[CLAPPING]
-[TAPPING]
[APPLAUSE]
Oh, you're on next, Buck.
Oh, heck, I'm still nervous.
BLONDIE: Here is the richest man
in Texas,
Mr. Buck Bradley.
-[APPLAUSE]
-Come on, Buck. Come on.
-Uh, not yet.
-[CHUCKLES]
Well, I... I'm sorry, but I--
We're having a little trouble
with one of our celebrities.
DUKE: Groceries.
♪ Delivery boy ♪
Duke, come here. Come on.
I just wanted to tell
Mrs. Bumstead,
it was all out of rye bread.
-Yeah, well--
-So I got a whole wheat instead.
Yeah, well, never mind
about that. Can you sing?
Yes, a matter of fact
Mrs. Bumstead said
-she might ask me to--
-Yeah.
Well, can you sing
without a piano?
Well, I don't need a piano,
I've got perfect pitch. Uh, why?
Yeah. You're on right now.
Come one.
BLONDIE: I'm sure he'll be here
in just a minute.
-I've got one for you.
-Oh, here he is now.
Oh, now, boys and girls,
we have a noble one
with us today.
He's going to sing
a little song,
uh, this is the Duke of Delivery
from Stools Market.
[APPLAUSE]
If you can hold that please.
Hi, kids.
ALL: Hi, Duke.
I wanna sing a brand-new song
called "One Night of Love."
Mm-hmm.
Uh, this is a pitch pipe
that F to get me started off.
-F?
-DUKE: Yes.
[PITCH PIPE PLAYING]
♪ One night of love ♪
♪ When two hearts are one ♪
♪ A night to have and hold ♪
♪ Where love is gone ♪
♪ And starlight is cold ♪
DAGWOOD: Higher.
DUKE: That was perfectly
all right. I've got it.
♪ One night of love ♪
♪ When love is all that I... ♪
-Sorry to be late, Blondie.
-Oh, that's all right.
-Duke's on.
-Oh, I'm hearing that.
DAGWOOD:
A little... a little higher.
DUKE: I'm perfectly all right.
♪ I find my lover's gone ♪
♪ I'll whisper with a smile
I've lived a little while ♪
[PITCH PIPE PLAYING]
♪ I found my night of love ♪
Oh, a little high.
♪ One night of love ♪
♪ When love is all ♪
♪ That I recall ♪
♪ Call ♪
[DAISY HOWLING]
Close, Daisy.
♪ When at the break of dawn
I find my lover's gone ♪
♪ I'll whisper with a smile
I've lived a little while ♪
♪ I found one night of... ♪
DAGWOOD: That's pretty--
♪ Love ♪
Oh, that, I'm taking that back.
It may have something wrong
with it.
-[APPLAUSE]
-Oh, wait a minute, Duke.
Better take a bow
for these kids.
I better not give up my job.
That was fine, Duke.
And now...
Oh, Elmer. Just a minute.
Elmer, come on, Elmer.
Look, aren't you tired?
Well, if you just wanna
sit there,
go ahead and sit there.
Well, I tried.
And now, here's that master
of magic, Herb Woodley
and his charming assistant,
Harriet.
[APPLAUSE]
Over there, my dear.
Well, you lucky people,
here is a mystifying
little trick.
And I assure you I have nothing
up my sleeves whatsoever.
Oh, that's not really true,
of course.
His arms are in the sleeves.
You can see them sticking out
at the end.
-Oh, that's cute.
-Oh--
[GASPS] That's not fair.
[CHUCKLES] Of course,
we planned it that way.
You may have those,
here is the real thing.
Now, I'm going to ask
my very attractive partner
to pick a card.
There you are, my dear,
any card you may like.
They all look alike
from the back.
HERB: And I'll turn around
so I can't see it.
-Now, are you ready?
-Go ahead.
I really have a lovely voice.
I sing much better
than he does cards
and I never get a chance
to sing.
-[YODELING]
-Ah, is this your card?
No, that isn't it.
Well, then this one's
gotta be it.
No that is not either.
I cannot understand this.
What was your card?
-This one.
-[GRUNTS]
I told you
that he wasn't that good.
You read about a gruesome rubric
in your morning paper,
you know what happened.
Come on, nightingale.
[APPLAUSE]
And now here is one
of the wealthiest man in Texas,
Buck Bradley.
I'm still nervous.
If you don't do your acting,
we're gonna buy our gas
from some other station.
Uh, Buck, I understand
you're one of the wealthiest man
-in Texas.
-Oh, no. I just got a couple
of little
hundred million dollars.
Two hundred million dollars?
Well, I'd say
that's pretty wealthy.
Well, I ain't exactly
under leave.
I suppose your money is in oil.
No, I have a little land.
Oh, well, how many
thousand acres do you have?
Oh, no, just 90 acres.
Well, how can you be so wealthy
with only 90 acres?
Well, you see my 90 acres
are in downtown Dallas.
[APPLAUSE]
Now I'm gonna do a trick
that's absolutely impossible.
BOY 1: Well now he can do it.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BOY 2: Geez, look at this.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
-BOY 1: Wow.
-BOY 2: Hey, great.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Oh thanks, now.
Uh, I'd like to show you
the same cowhand
after a visit way over
to the Hawaiian Islands.
[ALL LAUGH]
What in the hell--
DAGWOOD: The back one.
-BUCK: Oh yeah,
I'll get the back one,
sorry. Yeah.
Get the front one started first.
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[♪♪♪]
And now you know
what we're celebrating,
it's Alexander's birthday.
-So bring in the cake, Dagwood.
-[APPLAUSE]
-Happy birthday, Alexander.
-Happy birthday.
[ALL GASP]
-[GROANING]
-My cake.
That same old straw again.
I told you
that it was dangerous.
Here's the real cake.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
The other was just a joke.
-Yeah, yeah.
-Oh, Pop.
Well, kids, the show
is all over.
Now go ahead with your party,
and have a lot of fun.
-Hey, Pop.
-Huh?
What about Elmer?
DAGWOOD: Elmer, will you...
[WHISTLES] Elmer.
[ALL LAUGH]
I keep telling you
this show is over, Elmer.
Come on.
[APPLAUSE]
Happy birthday, Alexander.
ALL: Happy birthday.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]