27x03 - Grievance Culture - Part 1

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CHILDREN ARGUING

Mum! Ow!

TEARFULLY: Mum!

I'm coming, darling.

ARGUING CONTINUES

Mum!

Come on, Trip.

Come on. This way. This way! Come on.

Come on. Watch this. Go on, boy. Go on.

DOG YIPS Oh!

DOG YIPS

No.

Not the mud again!

Trip! Come on, boy.

Trip!

Come on, Trip. Trip, back here.

Come on.

TRIP YIPS

Good boy. Come on, darling.

Come on. There's a good boy.

BLOW LANDS

POUNDING HEARTBEATS

CHEERING

EXHALES

GRUNTS AND GROANS

BOTH GRUN

HEARTBEATS POUND

BREATHES HEAVILY

HEARTBEATS POUND

SIREN APPROACHES

NIKKI: Does it hurt?

MUFFLED: Only when I breathe.

Can you help me here?

JACK GRUNTS

Head?

- Got it?

- Yeah.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

- MUFFLED: I hate the mud.

- What?

- I hate the mud.

- Do you?

Mm-hm.

But you like getting punched in the face?

It's one of my favourite things.

What are your other favourites?

A needle in the eye?

- Mm

- Colonoscopies?

Oh!

SHE LAUGHS

- Getting to know one another?

- Huh?

Good-looking woman, strapping bloke,

out in the fresh air,

having a lovely little chat.

Enjoying yourselves?

While we are battling the elements!

Who are you?

Warren Bull, Detective Inspector.

And I'll need you to get a move on.

We're moving as fast as we can.

Between social interludes.

Did you know that 95 miles

of the Thames is tidal?

And we are standing about, well, mile 91.

MUFFLED: Couldn't give a sh*t about that.

What?

He said he didn't know that.

Oh.

See, time is running out,

and the tide is coming in.

I think we'll be OK.

We've got, um, 47 minutes.

Student of the tides, are we?

MUFFLED: No, just professional.

What's wrong with him?

He bit his tongue.

I know the feeling.

I have to bite mine all the time.

So

47 minutes, you say?

Oh

If you need anything, let me know.

Thanks for having my back.

I've got your front too,

unless something's changed.

Dial it back. You sound a bit pervy.

I meant to.

PROFESSOR: And the next one, Haidar.

And the next one.

Thank you, Haidar.

These are crime scenes.

What is a crime scene?

A place where a crime took place?

A place where a crime took place?

GENTLE LAUGHTER

Well, yes, of course, you are correct.

Congratulations.

Now ask yourself how

you got into this university,

because I'm struggling with it.

LAUGHTER

CARA GIGGLES

Can anyone advance the discussion?

No.

A crime scene is a collection of facts.

Your job is to find and assemble

those facts without bias.

Celeste!

- CHILD: You've taken them.

- CHILD: No, I haven't.

It's an emergency to me.

He didn't come home last night.

It's not normal.

Why do I have to wait 48 hours?!

Why isn't he home?

My husband comes home.

- What's he doing?

- Looking after the body.

Ooh!

Looking after dead bodies.

Imagine doing that for a job.

It's a bit of a conversation k*ller.

"What do you do for a living?

"Well, I look after dead bodies.

"Really? Oh, fair play to you."

Probably gets you further than

saying that you're a police officer.

What?

Have we been able

to identify the deceased yet?

Fingerprints and DNA

didn't come back as a match.

Nothing on mispers yet

that fits his description.

The deceased is a white male,

approximately 40 to 60 years old.

Velvy?

PROFESSOR: We will not be doing

any of that multiple-choice

online assessment nonsense.

HAIDAR: The department recommends it

because it's less subjective

and protects you from complaints.

I know why they recommend it.

It's bollocks.

Excuse my French.

The midterm exam will not be online.

Yes, sir.

CELESTE: The Dean may object.

Well, let's hope by then we are

more intimate with the Dean.

Tell the class

there will be three essays,

subjectively marked,

followed by a one-to-one

extremely subjective tutorial with me

where they can defend their work.

Yes, sir.

Celeste, we should devise

a practical exam

for later in the term.

Stage a crime scene that can be

investigated and assessed.

I'll put some ideas together, sir.

Thank you. Have you got a list

of the members of the panel?

Yes.

Elizabeth Newport is the chair.

Oh, young Lizzy.

Sweet but ineffectual.

Oh, Harrison Cairney!

You know about this guy?

You don't want to be left alone

in a lift with him.

No. Scum rises to the top and

drapes itself in the cloak of woke.

Valerie Fullerton!

Wasn't she part of the management

of that lab in Manchester?

She was. She insisted

she had nothing to do with it,

and then it turns out

she was the administrator.

She can lie with a straight face,

make her perfect for academics.

Oh, I read your paper on the

detection of synthetic dr*gs.

I have some thoughts and ideas,

but it really is first-rate.

Excellent work.

- Thank you.

- Does that, um, drug you described,

does it does it really make you randy?

Apparently.

Well, we better keep it away

from Cairney, then,

Professor Priapic!

THEY CHUCKLE

Right, well, wish me luck.

You won't need luck, sir.

You'll make a fantastic dean.

There's no-one better

in the country anywhere.

Well, that's very kind of you, Haidar.

It's also very true.

Good luck, Professor.

Thank you, Celeste.

Do you think the panel

will judge me subjectively?

CHUCKLES

Hello, uh, Cara.

Um I don't sign.

Sorry. Um

Your work has been excellent,

and I think you're ready

for some practical experience,

so we need to find you a work placement.

I'll ask a few people,

and we'll get something sorted.

Do you have anyone to work with

on your assignment?

OK. Well, just let me know

if there's anything

I can help you with.

Dr Alexander?

Oh, thanks.

The lungs were overinflated

and overlapped in the midline.

Frothy fluid is present in the airways

and the alveolar spaces of the lungs.

Let's have a look at his heart.

The pulmonary oedema

appears to be non-cardiogenic.

And there were no other obvious

causes of death at postmortem.

What does that mean?

He drowned.

Oh.

- How long was he in the water?

- Not certain.

I can do a "less than",

based on water temperature

and evidence of predation,

or rather lack of it, in the water.

I'd say less than 24 hours,

possibly less than 18.

Water temperature

MUFFLED: ..11 degrees Celsius.

Sorry, I heard "water temperature".

11 degrees.

The cold water slows decomposition

and makes determining time of death

Inaccurate?

more generalised.

Alcohol?

- No trace.

- Blood tests are negative.

He has a significant head injury. Velvy?

Water has washed away

any blood spatter pattern,

but there was extensive

subgaleal haemorrhage,

so it's most likely

it occurred before he d*ed.

Does anyone have any idea

how this happened?

MUFFLED: Blunt-force injury.

Blunt-force injury.

He understood.

Presumably there's no w*apon found?

- No.

- Distinguishing marks?

Tattoos?

Nope.

Wallet? Money?

- No.

- Was he wearing a watch?

A tan line where the watch

would have been?

Ah.

Yes.

He did.

Clothing?

- VELVY: Marks & Spencer.

- Hmm.

You run for dr*gs?

- Yes.

- No class A's:

- opioids, cocaine, heroin.

- Or B's or Cs.

We picked up no illegal dr*gs

in the blood screen.

Medical condition? Heart att*ck?

We didn't see

any obvious medical condition

in the postmortem.

No stroke, no heart att*ck.

We did find a significant

subdural haematoma

as a result of the blunt-force

injury to his head.

Operating theory: robbery or as*ault

resulting in death.

That's where I end up,

but we don't know motive.

CPS would look at it as homicide,

but more likely manslaughter.

And it's hard to be certain of motive

if we don't know who he is.

Well, I won't argue with that.

MUFFLED: Diatoms?

Help me.

We can look for diatoms in the body.

Diatoms vary on the basis

of morphological

and taxonomic characteristics

of a particular habitat.

It's possible to find

the location or site

of the drowning by comparing

water found in organs

- with water from possible sites.

- Mm.

It's a river. Doesn't the water

and diatoms move?

It may help.

We'll need his dental charts.

PROFESSOR:

Fairness is about emotion.

It's about how we feel.

Justice is about facts.

Our students, our society tends

to confuse these two things.

The fundamental principle of justice

is that equals should be treated equally,

and unequals unequally.

Really? This is your conception

of justice, Professor Cherry?

Not mine. Aristotle's.

You've heard of him?

We forget that we are the law,

individually and corporately.

Justice and fairness are our

responsibility, not grievance.

It would be my goal

as dean of this school

to not simply equip the students

with the tools to pursue justice -

working a crime scene,

harnessing technology,

creating plausible scenarios

based on our understanding

of human behaviour -

but to aspire to fairness.

Plato observed that it would be

better to be guilty of manslaughter

than of a fraud

about what is just and fair,

and the Greek geezer was right.

The very stability of our society

depends on just and fair,

symbiotic but separate concepts.

Where we have gone wrong

in our society is to confuse

grievance with fairness,

and allow that conflation

to impersonate justice.

MUFFLED: Do you mind?

I can't do it myself.

- Ah. Yes, I see it.

- Huh?

OK.

Hold still.

Agh! F

Did I get it?

JACK GROANS

JACK EXHALES

Oh, I think you did.

That stuff's so good.

How bad did you lose?

What are we talking about?

Your face.

This is what winning

looks like, baby. Ow

You won?

Mm-hm.

Congratulations.

You enjoy, uh, this?

- Fighting?

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Why?

- It's a reminder.

- Of what?

Being alive.

You're looking sharp.

Oh! Dressed to k*ll.

Maybe dressed to impress.

To k*ll not so great,

considering where we are.

I'll stick with impress.

Who were you impressing?

An interview panel.

But I can't imagine they'll be

judging me on my clothes.

Have you seen his shoes?

You should get shoes like that.

NORMAL VOICE: My shoes are fine.

Oh, my God. He can talk!

Your shoes are functional.

Those are "take me to the dance" shoes.

Did they take you to the dance?

I haven't heard the music yet.

How far do we think the deceased

travelled down the Thames?

Well, Old Father Thames

is a fickle thing.

Oh? Father, not Mother?

- Mm-hm.

- Male, not female?

- You got it.

- Sexist.

I didn't name it.

You gave it a presumptive pronoun.

Oh, well, the river's the great provider.

It's just the history of it.

The cultural history defence.

Don't try and hide behind that.

Old Father Thames was also the source

of the spread of diphtheria,

cholera and scrofula.

k*lled tens of thousands.

- Leave it male?

- Yeah.

Can we just get back to the question?

Jack won't be able to remember it.

Too many blows to the head.

JACK CHUCKLES

Well, the ebb and flow of the Thames

can reach four to eight knots,

up to 10mph.

Flows out and ebbs back

at roughly the same rate.

Flow tends to last longer

than the ebbing tide.

Two high tides and two low tides a day,

12-hour cycle.

How far the body would have floated

depends on when it entered the water.

Boom Boom.

It becomes tidal at Teddington Lock.

- Correct.

- How many crossings are there

between Teddington Lock

and Hammersmith Bridge?

Nine.

Could he have fallen from a boat?

No reports from Port of London Authority.

Slipped on steps

leading down to the river?

Possible.

It feels like an as*ault.

I don't know. That requires two actions:

the as*ault and then

dumping him into the river.

Dead weight, difficult to move.

Hmm.

Unless he was assaulted on a bridge.

How high is the bridge balustrade?

1,200.

His weight?

Um 92kg.

A dead lift of nearly 200lb

over a 1.2-metre-high balustrade?

He's 6' 1", 188cm.

Hit from behind, then pushed.

Momentum. No dead lifting required.

He could have fallen from the bridge.

Strikes his head on the foundation

before he hits the water.

There you go. Here.

Right.

We'll run DNA?

PHONE RINGS

Can someone make sure

I'm on mispers alerts?

I need to see them

as soon as they come in.

PHONES RING

SIGHS

We need more police.

RINGING CONTINUES

SIGHS

DOOR LOCK BUZZES

Oh! Sorry.

Vanessa. Hi.

Hi.

Come on in.

What kind of project?

Disruption of a crime scene.

All right.

You two partners in crime, huh?

Yeah. OK.

I can help. Who's your professor?

- Peter Cherry.

- Cherry? No way!

LAUGHS

He's a Wu Li master.

He's brilliant.

Crazy nutjob, though.

He's up and down like a yo-yo.

I hate him.

Yeah, of course you hate him.

You have to, to survive.

He makes you feel like a fool

because you are, compared to him.

You're lucky, though.

You might not know it now,

but one day you will.

Trust me.

Oh, sh*t. Sorry. Sorry.

Uh, what does he want you to do?

OK.

You know it's a trick question,

don't you?

Never mind.

Has he given you a crime to assess?

- Photos.

- Photos? Mm-hm.

OK. My advice?

Step one: break it into quadrants.

One, two, three, four.

Right? Step two:

make a list.

What you find in each quadrant.

Yeah? Three

See you tomorrow.

What? Did you think

I was going to do it for you?

Hey.

You all right?

See you later.

- Jack.

- Hmm?

CLEARS HIS THROA

How's your tongue?

Uh

That's a bit of an intimate question,

and I'm probably not the one to ask.

- I mean the cut.

- I know what you mean.

You're winding me up.

That's what I love about you, Prof.

You're lightning-fast.

I think I need some more

of my magic gear.

CLEARS HIS THROA

Fabulous.

Where do you train?

A gym not far away. By Euston.

Agh! Bollocks.

GROANS SOFTLY

That stuff is so great!

I want you to train me.

To do what?

To fight.

LAUGHS

Are you winding ME up, Professor?

Don't be daft.

I want to fight just once.

I want to know what it feels like.

- To hit someone or to get hit?

- Both.

Both!

You need to rethink this.

I think, Jack. It's what I do.

It's what I've always done.

And I

I don't know what it feels like

to live a visceral life.

I'm starting again.

And I want to feel everything.

Train me.

Nice and relaxed.

Punches in bunches.

Keep trying.

No pressure.

Do you like music?

Of course I like music.

Mozart. I particularly like Stravinsky.

Smetana.

Ma Vlast is a favourite.

Right.

I was thinking of something

with more of a b*at.

Stronger by Kanye.

Lose Yourself, Eminem.

Ah, I see.

I'm not familiar with those.

Why would you be?

That's it. Keep going.

Really good stuff.

EXHALES

SIREN WAILS

I'll leave that to you to find out

LOW CHATTER

Hello, madam. How can I help?

I called 999.

They asked if it's an emergency.

They said to call here,

but no-one answers.

I can't find my husband.

He hasn't come home.

I don't know where he is.

BOTH GASP

Sorry.

- Sorry.

- Sorry.

I, um

I

I missed my last train,

and, well, I thought that

I decided that

Uh

I slept here.

Thank you for for waking me.

- Velvy, are you OK?

- Yes.

Um

A cup of coffee

and I'll be as good as gold.

Thanks for seeing me

on such short notice.

I wanted to speak to you in person.

Pleasure.

Blood spatter through the ages.

Potential for a paper, I think.

Please.

I'm afraid I have

some disappointing news,

and I wanted to tell you in person.

Who did you hire?

We intend to announce it tomorrow.

You ticked a box.

I appreciate you might feel entitled

Entitled? Yes, I do.

Entitled by 35 years of experience.

Entitled by being good at what I do.

You hired to buff up your image.

We hired who we believed

was the best candidate.

Best candidate?

There's no better candidate!

Peter, I don't want to belabour this,

but, as you know, there's been a

complaint by a student

about some of your views,

which the university is still reviewing.

One student.

All over social media.

So 35 years of experience is sacrificed

on the altar of

a 20-year-old's sensitivities,

along with freedom of thought

and expression.

Peter, you attract controversy.

I said nothing controversial.

I don't think you get to be

the judge of that.

The complaint,

the controversy,

is just your excuse.

Shame on you.

The panel was unanimous in its choice.

Unanimity does not guarantee quality.

Less accomplished,

but you get to virtue signal

and to impress all your liberal friends

in academia at the expense

of my humiliation!

I wanted you to know.

Do you think it's fair?

Do you think it's just?

We live in an age

of unreal reality, don't we?

The triumph of artifice over substance.

Merit is sacrificed

for appearance every day.

What happened to us?

The people on that panel are criminals.

They are enemies to justice.

And there's no justice

without fairness, is there?

DNA from the bridge plinth

matches the deceased.

He fell,

hit his head on the way down,

possibly concussed, and drowned.

Camera might've picked up something.

Hello? Yeah.

I need you to review

some footage from a camera.

Hammersmith Bridge,

south-west, last 96 hours.

As quick as you can. Ta-ra.

The DNA suggested

it's likely he was British.

You can really tell from that?

No dr*gs or alcohol.

What about mental health?

Someone must miss him.

No missing persons report?

Nothing I've found. Not so far.

There's so many.

Did you know that a person

is reported missing in the UK

every 90 seconds?

That's 98,000 adults every year.

85% are found within two days.

14,700 aren't.

That's tens of thousands of people.

Running away from something.

Taking a break from their lives.

Maybe one day they wake up,

they don't recognise their own life.

Don't know who they are any more.

Maybe he's one of them.

Oh Perfect.

Well, just give me

the time and date it went down.

Camera's out.

Has been for several days.

Not an accident.

SOUNDS MERGE AND AMPLIFY

Mind out, mate!

Oi! Idiot!

CAR HORN BEEPS

Can you help me, please?

A couple of quid? For food?

For food?

What happened to you?

Why do you allow yourself

to live like this?

- Allow? I'm a victim.

- Well, of course you are.

We're all victims.

Do you know what you are?

Yeah. I'm hungry.

You're unfulfilled energy.

You harassing me?

Potential discarded.

Leave me alone.

You don't know anything about me.

I know more than you think.

- He's harassing me.

- No, no, no!

I'm sympathetic. Here.

Look, for you.

Why would anyone care

if you eat or live or die?

Genuine question.

Oh, piss off, old man.

LOW CHATTER

Harrison.

Peter, this is completely inappropriate.

That's right. And you know

inappropriate intimately.

You will excuse me.

Do you know what it feels like

to have your career destroyed

by an allegation?

You will.

I thought you were

the most qualified candidate.

CHUCKLES

Did you?

You k*lled me, Harrison.

That's what you did.

PHONE BUZZES

Remember her?

When she was your student?

I've tracked her down.

They all fall in love with you,

don't they?

Then they see who you are.

How many were there? Did you lose count?

It's all over for you, Harrison.

Are you threatening me?

Think of me more as your Cassandra.

More of a prophecy than a thr*at.

What do you think? New job?

You think he's leaving?

Goes to an interview all dressed up.

Tells me he's starting again.

- Thank you.

- Let me show you out.

Oh, I've taken enough

of your time. Please.

I can show myself out.

Thank you.

It is my absolute pleasure, Professor.

EXHALES

DOOR OPENS

What was an absolute pleasure?

Oh, the smile's too much.

I can't take it.

I've been appointed Dean

of the School of Criminology.

You're leaving us?

No, no, I'm staying.

I'll still be working out of here.

Well, that's fantastic news, Gabriel.

Oh, I didn't expect to be selected.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

It's a big job.

Guess the training

will have to go in the bin.

No, no. I'll make time.

I'm committed to the training.

Super.

Good stuff. Good stuff.

HE CHUCKLES LIGHTLY

I didn't have time to finish it. Sorry.

Are you done?

MORE CLEARY: Are you done?

Mm-hm.

Great. Got it.

Do you mind if you just send that to me?

Thanks.

That guy you know? At the Lyell Centre?

Tall.

He's kind of hot.

THEY CHUCKLE

NOTIFICATION CHIMES

MOUSE CLICKS

Hello.

This is Dr Alexander.

Nikki. Nice to meet you.

- Elaine Robinson.

- Do you want to come this way?

This is Velvy.

Is he in there?

Yes.

We do need you to identify him.

Are you ready?

Yeah.

ELAINE WAILS

We are human.

We fall prey to systematic distortion,

unsupported by evidence,

otherwise known as bias,

in virtually everything we do.

Love is a distortion.

Love is blind.

WOMAN SCREAMS

MAN: What's happened?

So is hate.

WOMAN: Is he dead?

Bias can help protect us

by making us disproportionately

wary of danger.

A child learns what's dangerous

through trial and error.

If a white dog bites a child,

then they are less likely

to trust white dogs

until their ability to reason

can Tr*mp their fear.

I

I dare say

that many of you will never

acquire that ability.

GENTLE LAUGHTER

We bring bias to every crime scene.

We can't help it.

It's like a sauna in 'ere.

BULL GASPS

PROFESSOR: If we're good at our job,

we are aware of that bias.

Heart att*ck?

I'll let you know.

CHERRY: Bias, which we not

unreasonably develop through experience,

can make us deny the facts

of a new experience.

It's really dry.

Who put the towel over him?

Best check.

CHERRY: A crime scene

is like a time capsule.

Maintaining the integrity

of the crime scene

once it's discovered is critical.

You found the body?

JACK: Anything?

No marks.

- You?

- No.

Heat and steam

we're not going to get much.

Do the honours?

There may be ej*cul*te on his thigh.

CHERRY: We instinctively assign

value to some things we discover,

and dismiss other things.

We might get something else off the body.

CHERRY: The defiance of expectation

is always surprising.

- No cameras?

- No. Privacy.

CHERRY: It catches us off guard.

NIKKI: Thanks so much.

CHERRY: And it can distract us

from where our focus should be.

It plays on our bias.

Who found this?

I know him.

Harrison Cairney.

He was on the interview panel.

You like mushrooms?

I do. Yeah.

I like 'em too.

Couldn't eat 'em for two years

whilst I was in prison.

- There you go, darling.

- Thank you.

Your lab in Manchester faked

the result of my drug test.

Said | was guilty.

I went to prison because you lied.

I didn't lie.

How could someone do that?

What? What do you want?

- Hundreds of cases, Valerie.

- I didn't do the testing.

- You ran the lab.

- The university ran the lab.

I was just overseeing the

All those people in prison,

nothing to do with you.

Your career continues unscathed.

Leave me alone.

You took no responsibility. Moved on.

New job.

Your reputation unsullied,

unlike Roy and dozens of others.

What makes you think

you're fit to judge anyone?

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Where's Cara?

- Uh, I don't know.

She'll be here.

I did the work you asked for.

- Let's see what you've got.

- You buying or am I?

- What do you want?

- Rum and Coke.

- Rum and Coke, please.

- Right you are.

Are you from Ireland?

Six Counties.

Northern.

Does it hurt?

No, it's fine.

PHONE CHIMES

Excuse me.

- Here you are.

- Thanks.

Sorry.

Cheers.

Are you sure Cara knows about tonight?

Of course.

Mm-hm.

I like older guys.

They've got, I don't know, more depth.

Yeah. Uh, we need to reschedule

when Cara can make it.

This doesn't feel right.

Then why did you ask me out?

I didn't ask you out.

And Cara knows nothing about us meeting.

- That's not my fault.

- OK, I'm gone.

Thought you were going to

help me out with the project.

Three basic punches.

Six if you want to count both hands.

You hear me?

You're right.

The music really helps.

Good. What are you listening to?

Overture, The Marriage Of Figaro.

Mozart. Do you know it?

MUSIC BLARES THROUGH HEADPHONES

Jab.

Move.

Punch, punch.

Punch, punch. Punch, punch.

On your toes. On your toes.

Bob and weave. Bob and weave.

Nine, eight, seven, six,

five, four, three, two, one.

Boom! Yeah. Are you ready?

He's ready.

He's ready.

BOTH CHUCKLE

It's a good start.

Um

I'm not going to be helping

Vanessa going forward, OK?

I'm not going to be helping

Vanessa going forward.

She's not your friend.

We can't.

Not with her.

Yep, that's me.

SIGHS

BULL: Did he have

a history of depression?

ELAINE: No.

The business was difficult with Covid.

He was happy.

My husband was happy.

We were happy.

What kind of business was he in?

Ant Robinson was an electrician.

He knew which wire to cut

to knock out the CCTV.

Speculation, but, yes.

So no-one would see him

take his own life?

So there'd be no record of

what happened on that bridge.

Well, su1c1de

in this demographic is common,

even when there are no signals.

I just want them to reach out

for support.

VOICE CRACKING: It's really hard.

Mrs Robinson.

Do they still call you that

when your husband's dead?

Do you still get his name?

How can I help you?

Tell me who k*lled my husband.

Who took him away from me.

He loved me.

Who k*lled

Who k*lled my husband?

So, I'm sitting in this pub,

waiting for Cara,

with this 20-year-old girl.

She's all dressed up, working too hard,

wants to play in the big leagues,

thinks putting out

an "open for business" sign

is enough to attract customers.

- Usually it is.

- Well

Then I get a text from Cara.

Cara's great friend Vanessa

hadn't told her we were meeting.

So did you go shopping?

Piss off!

I worry about Cara.

Do you think she has friends?

Real friends?

- Cara will be OK.

- Will she?

Hmm.

I think she's a bit naive.

- She'll probably believe Vanessa.

- Why would she do that?

She's a woman and she's Irish.

She'd jump off a bloody cliff

to a conclusion.

That's all Irish women generalised!

You want to offend anyone else?

Nah, that's enough for one day.

I'm feeling a bit tired now.

Anyway, I really only care

what you think.

Oh, that's sweet of you.

Hmm. As if any student's

going to steal your man!

- You're way too hot.

- Oh, you're my man?

You're like a possession

that can be stolen.

- You know what I mean.

- Like a watch or a

Or a bicycle.

- Bicycle?

- Bicycle.

A bicycle!

For all its obvious connotations.

A very special bicycle, mind you,

because you're a very special person.

Keep it going.

You'd be,

I don't know,

Sports Personality of the Year,

if they had that sort of thing for,

you know,

this sort of thing.

That's so special.

SIGHS

SIZZLING

GASPS

SCREAMS

SCREAMS

SCREAMS CONTINUE

SLOW BREATHING

PHONE BUZZES

Dr Alexander.