01x06 - Boat

[bunniefuu]

[Lizzy Mercier Descloux's
"Sports Spootnicks"]

SINGER: ♪ Ah, cha cha cha ♪

♪ In the pampa ♪

♪ ♪

BARISTA: Next.

Nonfat latte with an
extra sh*t for Ann,

A-N-N, apple Nancy Nancy, Ann.

Thank you.

This sweater is amazing.

No.

Beth.

What?

What?

Am, your drink is ready.

Am.

SINGER: ♪ Ah, chi chi chi ♪

♪ Look in the arena ♪

♪ ♪

- What happened?
- Nothing, nothing.

- Who's dead?
- No, no. No one...

- Whose house is this?
- Are they dead?

No, no. No one's dead, okay?

No one's dead, okay? Relax.

Oh, well, that's not true.
So many people are dead.

- You said it was an emergency.
- Everyone's fine.

The emergency is that I lied,
and there is no emergency.

- I just couldn't get you...
- You are an assh*le!

- I-I know.
- Our mom just d*ed!

No, no, look, I felt sick
doing it, but there's no way

- you would've come otherwise.
- When there isn't

an emergency? It
could have been Dad.

- I had no other choice.
- It could have been anything.

- You wouldn't have come.
- Where are we?

Okay. We're... shh. Come here.

- What?
- This is John's, all right?

The farmer guy, you know?

I just... I really...
No, no, I'm sorry.

I wouldn't have
dragged you out here.

I just... I really need
your opinion on him.

Like, I'm about
to like, you know?

Okay, but why
didn't you ask Maya?

She's being really judgmental

about the fact that
he has a girlfriend.

- He has a girlfriend?
- Shh!

- Shut up. Yes.
- Mom!

- I am not Mom.
- You're acting like...

I'm not acting like...

I'm going for what I want, okay?

- Don't call me Mom.
- That's why I'm saying...

No. I'm too old
to like, you know.

Just... Look, I really like him.

Like, last night I
freaked out on him.

Yeah?

After we had sex
on this guy's lawn.

Do you even hear yourself?

And he still invited
me over today.

- Okay.
- You know?

- Yeah, I do know.
- You're acting like you.

I'll stay only to make
sure he's not a m*rder*r.

- Jesus...
- JOHN: I'm not a m*rder*r.

Oh, my God.

Hi.

Hi. I assume you're
talking about me, right?

- No.
- Oh, my God, no.

Do you live here? Is this you?

Yeah. That's why I came
out with a watering can

and I'm watering
these plants here.

- Kay.
- I'm John.

I'm Ann, Beth's sister.

- My sister.
- Cool.

Wanna come inside where
I won't m*rder you?

Yes.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Wow.

I'm really glad you're here.

Take a seat.

I usually sit in that chair,
so maybe don't sit there.

Okay.

ANN: I like your maps.

JOHN: Thanks. Yeah. I
found them in the dump.

It's really interesting to
see how changes in population

affect the physical
characteristics of a place.

Mm.

Yeah. How it evolves.

- Yeah.
- It's like global warming.

It's so sad. But,
like, what can we do?

Stop buying plastic bottles.

[clears throat]

This was a gift.

Where's your TV, though?
I didn't see it in here.

Oh, it's probably
in here, right?

JOHN: Sorry, I don't have a TV.

A lot of people don't have one.

Skylar doesn't have one either.

That's his friend who's, like,

ten years old.

Oh, wow, Miles Davis.

That's James Baldwin.

[camera shutter clicks]

Right.

Can I talk to you outside for
a second about last night?

It's pretty buggy out right now.

Yeah, no... we could
go talk in the car

or even, like, in the
room back there. Just...

Is there something you
don't want Ann to hear?

Do you think you're whispering?

Yes.

Do you have a girlfriend?

I think we wanna know if
you have a girlfriend.

That was not my question.

Actually, I broke up
with Katie this morning.

[gasps]

Oh, my God. I'm so
sorry to hear that.

No, I'm not. That's amazing.

Oh, my gosh. I'm
so glad about that.

- Yeah, me too.
- [laughs]

Um, how'd it go?

- It was okay.
- I texted her and I said

I didn't think we
were a good fit.

And she sent a thumbs
up, so I think it's fine.

So you just broke up with your
girlfriend just like that?

No, not just like that.

I really don't think
she even liked me.

I don't think she ever
saved me in her phone.

[laughs]

Okay. Well, that's
very clarifying.

[laughs]

Yeah, cool.

I mean, should we like

like, have a drink and
celebrate your loss?

I have some gin from Kyoto.

We love gin from Kyoto, right?

JOHN: Cool. I also have a bowl.

Does anyone have weed?

BOTH: No.

Oh, but I have mushrooms.

- [laughs] You do?
- Yeah, they're in the car.

'Cause I've been growing
them. Not in the car,

but they're... yeah. Mm-hmm.

Okay, Pablo Escobar.

No, it helps with anxiety.

- I like mushrooms.
- I'd eat mushrooms.

- Great.
- Great.

JOHN: Great. Cool. ANN: Yeah.

JOHN: Okay. Should
we do some mushrooms

and go out on my boat?

ANN: Yes. BETH: Uh, your boat.

Let's go on a boat.

[motor whirring]
[water splashing]

[eerie music]

♪ ♪

[muffled voices]

[screaming]

You're okay. Look at me.

- [screaming]
- JANE: Don't look down, honey.

Don't look down. Look
at Mommy, sweetheart.

- You're okay, sweetie.
- We're getting help.

You're okay, sweetie.

Yeah, you're gonna
need some stiches.

♪ ♪

I don't wanna go on the boat.

- Yes, come on.
- We're going on the boat.

Listen, it's
statistically impossible

for you to get hurt
on a boat again.

- Right. But...
- And I like him for you,

and I don't want you to ruin it

by following your
dog-sh*t instincts, okay?

We'll be right there, John.

Whoa, I'm out here
just doing my best.

You came at me out of nowhere.

I'm not coming at you.

- Two seconds, John.
- Just some sister stuff.

- No, I'm being efficient.
- Look, you fully lied

to get me out here to help
you and only you, like usual.

- Okay.
- I have a life.

Okay, do you,
though, have a life?

- Yes!
- I mean, no, you basically

just lock yourself in
your apartment all day.

And I would never say
that to you, though,

because I'm a good sister,
and I'm a kind person.

We'll be there right
in one minute, John.

- Yeah, one second.
- Just hang on.

That's why I don't talk to you,

because I can feel you wishing
that I was someone else.

I just wanna feel
like you like me.

Ohh! That is such a
f*cking you thing to say.

You don't know
anything about my life!

Because you don't
tell me anything.

I'm over here trying to
get close to you again.

Great. So you're in the
mood to feud with me today

while I'm here doing
you this favor?

- We'll be right there!
- It's just gonna be

- one minute, John.
- We just gotta...

BETH: It's just quick.
We'll be right there.

ANN: I got something in my shoe.

You came at me out
of nowhere, okay?

- And tomorrow can be about...
- I'm trying to help

both: You.

But today is about me.

Coming right now, John.

Well, maybe today's
about me, bitch.

I'm also... I'm
gonna come too, John.

BETH: I'm here, John.

JOHN: All right.

[engine humming]

- Maybe you should...
- No, in there.

- Okay. Okay.
- I got it. I got it.

JOHN: You good? BETH: Ooh.

Yeah, she's got it.

How'd you get that scar?

My scar on my leg?

Boating [laughs] accident.

Is that a joke?

No, really. Boating accident.

Yeah, it was actually kind
of like right around here.

- [exhales]
- Yeah, it was not far.

I've been thinking about
that a lot, actually.

You think Dad was drunk?

I don't know why he
wouldn't have been.

- Well, this will be fine.
- We're not gonna go fast.

We'll go real slow, and
it won't be scary at all.

Anybody order some mushrooms?

These look amazing.

- Thank you.
- These look big.

SINGER: ♪ I'm about
to get f*cked up ♪

♪ Wanna get f*cked up ♪

This isn't going anywhere.

I'm, like, chewing
and chewing, but...

Last chance... should we maybe
just go hang at your house?

- ANN: No.
- Okay. Cool.

[Miley Cyrus' "Slab of Butter"]

♪ ♪

SINGER: ♪ The only laws ♪

♪ I obey ♪

Feels like we're on a jet plane.

We're going like
5 miles an hour.

Knots. We're on the
water, so it's knots.

♪ ♪

SINGER: ♪ So why
you make me play ♪

♪ On the road to
something else? ♪

BETH: Whoo.

♪ ♪

♪ Self-control is not ♪

♪ Something I'm working on ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You turn me on ♪

♪ Is all I can say about you ♪

♪ ♪

BETH: I mean... [giggling]

[both giggling]

Oh, my God.

What do you want when you die?

Right. No, I know you
asked me that before.

I... I don't want to be dead.

- I don't wanna be dead either.
- BETH: What do you want?

I wanna be sh*t out of a cannon.

I'm not sh**ting you
out of the cannon.

Come on. Well...

I'm gonna have Nick Cannon

- perform at your funeral.
- [giggling]

I hate what Mom's funeral was.

Ugh. It sucked.

John, are your parents dead?

My dad's alive, but we have
a pretty chilly relationship.

- BETH: Oh, that's sucks.
- Yeah.

We haven't talked in a
couple years, actually.

You should call him.

We see each other every
morning for coffee,

but we just haven't
spoken in years.

That actually sounds ideal.

Hey, do you have,
um, another rod?

- I'd like to fish.
- Yeah.

- Let me set one up for you.
- You're gonna fish?

- Yes.
- BETH: Okay. I wanna fish too.

ANN: I got it. BETH:
I want a rod too.

Yeah, 'cause
there's another one.

- JOHN: You want one too?
- I want one too.

Ahh! This is so exciting.

You take Bluey. BETH: Okay.

Okay, I'm actually
pretty scared.

JOHN: Don't be. So
just take your finger.

BETH: Okay. JOHN:
And hold the line.

BETH: I'm so scared
of everyone's hook.

JOHN: Just give it a
flick. BETH: Oh, wow.

ANN: Oh, my gosh. JOHN:
And then lock it up.

ANN: That was so pretty!

BETH: Oh, my gosh, okay.

JOHN: That worked. Lovely.

BETH: Whoo! ANN: Yeah!

BETH: Okay. ANN:
That was beautiful.

JOHN: And at some point,
it's gonna be really fun.

- I feel it right now.
- Don't you feel it right now?

BETH: I'm feeling the fun.

♪ ♪

[gentle acoustic music]

♪ ♪

- [in British accent]
- I like her.

She's a good fisherman
because she's a model.

[Ann giggles]

[in British accent]
I'ma couple up with him

'cause he can really
set a great lure.

- He's got good chat.
- ANN: He's from Liverpool.

BETH: Good bait.

You don't know what we're
talking about, do you, John?

You need a TV.

Oh, man, we watched so
much TV growing up as kids.

- We barely watched any.
- Oh, man.

God. You're missing
so many good shows.

Yeah. Botched in Rome.

Love Island is what
we were just doing.

We love Love Island.

Um, I like Alone...

BETH: Oh, Alone. ANN:
Naked and Afraid.

I like to watch tennis.

- ANN: Okay.
- Okay. Yeah.

What was school like for
you? Like, growing up?

I was actually the only kid
in my fourth-grade class.

ANN: Really? BETH: Oh, God.

You're the smartest
kid in your class.

And the dumbest.

I got really close with
my teacher, Mrs. Benson.

- [laughing] I bet.
- She was your only friend.

I called her "Mom" once but, uh,

she was really cool about
it. BETH: Oh, my God.

There should be a show
about teenage girls

and what they go
through. ANN: Yeah.

Yeah. Like who will survive?

ANN: Oh, God. Totally.
Just the bullying alone.

Bullying is intense.

What were you bullied about?

- Um, being Jewish.
- [Ann sighs]

Uh, my hair.

Your hair?

How 'bout Bullies:
Where Are They Now?

Ooh. Ooh, yeah, I'd watch that.

Actually, I don't even
really wanna know.

- Oh, I wanna know.
- I wanna know right where.

- Amanda Houlihan is right now.
- Yuck.

- BETH: Evil.
- Horrible. Oh, God.

- Evil.
- Jillian Foss.

Oh, that little c**t.

Good name. BETH: Right?

ANN: John, do you remember
any of your bullies' names?

I was never really bullied.

ANN: Really? You missed out?

- Never?
- No. I mean, sometimes kids

would throw condoms
filled with pee at me.

BETH: That's bullying.

Why would they do that to you?

- I don't know.
- I mean, when I was a kid,

like, 12 or 13 or something,
I used to pee myself a lot.

Like, I would be
outside playing,

and I wouldn't wanna go
in, so I would just go.

Sometimes kids would
pee in my lunchbox too.

[laughs] I'm sorry.

- Um, that's... it's not funny.
- That's horrible.

BETH: It's f*cked up.

Yeah, I guess it is.

I-I don't really
think about it a lot.

Yeah, you were bullied it
sounds like worse than us.

[laughs] Yeah.

But, like, they became
my friends later on

when we older.

Ooh. Oh, my God.

- BETH: Oh, my God!
- Oh, I think I caught a fish.

- BETH: Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God. What do I do?

- John, what does she do?
- What do I do? What do I do?

- What does she do?
- What do I do, what do I do?

- What do I do? What do I do?
- Here, reel it in.

- Reel it in. Reel it in.
- Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh!

- BETH: Reel it!
- I caught a fish!

- BETH: We did it!
- Oh, my God!

[both screaming]

- Oh, my God!
- You caught a fish!

[laughing, squealing]

Oh, the best moment in my life!

Oh, my God. Of anybody's life.

You fish. JOHN: Oh, no.

- I caught a fish.
- You little fish.

The fish hook is in my finger.

BETH: Oh, God. Oh, f*ck.

Um, okay. Are you okay?

No, I have a fish
hook in my finger.

BETH: Right. Okay. Oh, God.

Does anyone have any,
like, popcorn right now?

If someone could cut the
hook with these pliers,

I can push it through.

- BETH: No!
- No, no one's doing that.

- Do we have a radio?
- We could radio for help.

Yep, I've seen it
a million times.

What are we gonna do?

Okay. What should we do?
Should we call your dad?

- Why would we call my dad?
- I don't know. I don't know.

I'm, like... very
much on mushrooms.

Like, is everybody else,
like, on mushrooms?

Yeah, I'm feeling the mushrooms.

We should probably call my dad.

- He might know what to do.
- BETH: Shut the f*ck up.

- Okay, no, everybody...
- Let's start...

Drive us back.

Can you drive us
back to the shore?

Yeah, I probably need a
quick sip of that gin.

BETH: Okay! Um...

Why do you have
a f*cking cooler?

- ANN: I can still save him!
- Oh, my God.

No, you're not driving.
You're injured.

Please, just move over.

- No, no, come in the middle.
- BETH: No, move over.

- ANN: Okay.
- Oh, f*ck, it's a stick shift.

sh*t, Annie, do you
know how to drive stick?

f*ck no! JOHN: I can drive.

- No, you're not driving.
- You're injured!

Okay. Put on my seat belt.
Okay, I haven't driven

a stick shift for
like a million years.

- You got it. You got it.
- JOHN: Got it?

ANN: It's just
like riding a bike.

[engine grinds]

Oh, sh*t! Sorry.

[frantic jazz music]

ANN: Whoo!

You good?

Me? ANN: Yeah.

Yeah, why?

Where'd you get that carrot?

My pocket. Do you want one?

I have another,
but it's one white.

You know, white
asparagus is white

because it's grown in the dark.

You just have random vegetables

just in your pockets?

- They're not random.
- I grew them.

- Can you chew just...
- Just a little more s-soft?

A little less.

[soft crunching]

[laughter]

I can't chew it
any more quietly.

It's so loud.

- Red light!
- Oh!

[tires screech]

[panting]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

I'm gonna walk.

Annie, I'm sorry
that happened. Annie.

ANN: I gotta get Mack
back to the water!

BETH: What the f*ck
are you talking about?

Annie, you don't
know where you are!

What the f*ck?

Should I go get her?

Ann knows what she wants to do.

Just let her go.

Yeah. You mean, like, just...

Just love her the
way she is, right?

- Yeah, I don't know.
- Can we go to the hospital?

Yeah, totally. Okay.

[engine grinds] Ooh. Okay.

sh*t. [Clears throat]

Oh, f*ck.

[carrot crunches]

It's loud.

[tires screech]

[jazz music]

[engine revs]

♪ ♪

BETH: Okay. JOHN: Good driving.

BETH: Okay. JOHN: Oh.

♪ ♪

BETH: Come on JOHN: I'm coming.

You okay? BETH: Yeah. Me?

♪ ♪

Hi, can you help us?

Sure. What brings you in?

Uh, we were on this
boat, you know?

- It's a Boston Whaler.
- Right.

Beautiful Boston Whaler.

- Well, a Whaler.
- And, uh, and Ann caught a fish.

Yeah, my sister.

She, like, I've never seen
her this happy before.

She was, like, glowing.

- I mean, wouldn't you say that?
- Yeah.

- She's not usually like that.
- I'm sorry.

What brings you in?

- His hand.
- There's a fish hook in it.

Yeah, I see that.

- Follow me.
- Yes. Okay. We'll follow her.

Okay.

Do you think they'll
have to amputate?

Want a Honeycrisp?

What?

- Apple.
- [small laugh] Oh.

Thanks.

[monitors beeping]

- Hello, folks.
- Is this your wife?

No. I'm... I don't know.

What am I, John?
I'm, you know, we...

I guess you could technically
say we're work associates.

Maybe you can work
that out later.

Excuse me, are you old
enough to do this procedure?

You look, like,
really young to me.

Well, to be honest, this
is, uh, the first time

I've removed a fish hook.
Are you on any medications

or substances I
should know about?

I took some Tylenol
this morning.

And we're high on mushrooms.

Not a whisper.

He doesn't know how to
whisper. He can't whisper.

Okay. Here's the procedure.

Uh, I'm going to use these
pliers to cut the hook,

then I'm gonna pull the
hook out of your finger.

That's it?

That's what I
wanted to her to do.

- Wait, wait, wait.
- Tha... that's...

Okay. Hold on. Is
this gonna hurt him?

Is it, you know, should
he be put under for this,

o-or should I have an opioid
if-if that's available to me?

- It's not necessary.
- Can we just do it?

Yeah. Okay. Just do it. Okay.

- Here we go.
- Okay.

And...

Almost done.

Is it happening?

And done.

Oh, my God, there's
barely any blood.

- That's crazy.
- DOCTOR: Yeah, that's it.

That's it. DOCTOR: Okay. Yeah.

Just, um, you know,
keep the finger clean.

Soap, water, Band-Aids.
Yana's gonna wrap you up.

And uh, any more questions or...

Yeah, I do, um...

Doctor... [clears throat]

Will he ever finger again?

Okay. Just wrap it.

Got it.

[sighs]

It must feel good to be home.

Are you gonna be
okay, uh, by yourself?

- I think I can manage.
- Okay. Okay.

[crickets chirping]

Um, no, I wanna stay here.

I would like to stay
here with you and, um,

keep moving toward hopefully
being in a relationship.

No, that's not even true.

I want you to be my
boyfriend right now.

W-would you be my boyfriend?

- Yes, I'd like that.
- Yeah?

And you'll, in return...

Well, I'll be your girlfriend.

Great.

Looks like Johnny boy wasn't
on the market too long.

What?

Should I make us some tea?

No, can you get the gin?

Yeah, I'll get it
from the truck.

Yeah. Okay.

[gentle acoustic music]

You're wearing my clothes.

Thank you. I know.

Which side of the bed
do you wanna sleep on?

Dealer's choice.

Okay. I'm going left.

- Left if you're...
- Yeah.

Like, over here if
you're facing it.

Here, you can take the pillow.

No, I'm not gonna take
your only... the pillow.

- It's fine. I don't need it.
- Okay, fine. Thank you.

I can always sleep.

I can't.

♪ ♪

You told the doctor that
we were on mushrooms.

- I can't lie.
- [laughs]

You can't whisper.

I can whisper.

Do it.

- [normal voice] Hi.
- [laughs]

I really like you.

I really like you too.

I don't like your boat.

Okay.

And you need a TV.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Oh, that reminds me,

can I read you this section
for our local paper?

- Yeah.
- It's called Bargain Barn.

Okay.

People list items
for under $100.

Okay.

So these items are all for sale.

Keep that in mind.

Okay. For sale under $100.

Full leg cast in two pieces,

autographed by Mike Bossy
of 1984 New York Islanders.

- [laughs] No.
- $25 or best offer.

Open to trades.

Pre-K to college-level
homeschool curriculum

DVD Blu-ray set $100.

Wheelbarrow, green,
needs a new wheel, $30.

30-inch lawn tractor,
good condition...

SINGER: ♪ So thank
you or whatever ♪

♪ Nothing lasts forever,
man, I guess so ♪

♪ Waiting for the let go ♪

♪ Waiting for the let go ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I had to pay for ♪

♪ All of your bad behavior ♪

♪ But expensive lessons are
always the best to know ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'm not waiting
for the let go ♪

♪ Don't need any
of your say so ♪

♪ I put the pieces
back together ♪

♪ So thank you or whatever ♪

♪ Nothing lasts forever,
man, I guess so ♪

♪ Waiting for the let go ♪

♪ Waiting for the let go ♪

♪ I was waiting for the let go ♪

♪ I swore I wouldn't
till you said so ♪

♪ I put the pieces
back together ♪

♪ So thank you or whatever ♪

♪ Nothing lasts forever,
man, I guess so ♪

♪ Waiting for the let go ♪

♪ Waiting for the let go ♪

[crickets chirping]
[water sloshing]

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

It's so easy.