04x02 - Bibles to Brothels

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola


- And one more for your records.


- What's this?

My resignation.

Thank you for the last 30 years.


- Wait, you're serious?


- Yes,

Mr. Wheeler,

I wish you continued success.

Aw, just sit down,

let's talk about this.

It is too late.

I have already accepted

another job at Toesey Woesies.

My sister stole you?

If you call offering

me a higher paying job

with better prospects stealing,

then yes.

I'm just gonna say it.

It's weird without Goodwin here.

We don't need anybody else. We got Bob.

He'll pick up the slack

like he always does.

He's never let us down.

When his father, Max, d*ed,

he quit school and

swooped in to save us.

Isn't that right, honey?

Gave up my dream of being a

sportscaster to come here.

And when your first marriage was

falling apart, where were you?

Here.

And four days after your heart att*ck,

which this job gave you, where were you?

Right back here, working up another one.

Exactly.

My Bobby doesn't need friends.

He doesn't need hobbies.

He's got MaxDot.

The whole country could

be hit by an atomic b*mb,

and our little cockroach would

still be here selling socks.

Hey, Bobby, where you going?

Bob?

I'm feeling low, no place to go ♪

And I'm
-a thinking that

I'm gonna scream ♪

Bob.

Bob.

Bobby.

You mind turning that down?

I can't hear myself drink.

To shut the light. ♪

Thank you.

I know what you're gonna say,

Dad, you think I made a mistake.

Yeah, maybe.

Mistakes aren't always a bad thing.

Take your first marriage

That was a disaster,

but you're a better man for it.

I am.

I mean, that broad was a nightmare.

Yeah.

I tried to tell you at the wedding.

I remember your speech.

Well, that's blood under the bridge.

I see you lost some weight.

Yeah, I'm trying to get healthy.

You kids and your crazy fads.

I'm done, Dad.

I can't do the job anymore.


- Yeah, I get it.


- You do?

Yeah. You hit the wall.


- So, what do I do?


- Simple.

Pick yourself up, brush yourself off,

and get back to work.

It's that easy, huh?

Well, I was also

a big fan of the amphetamines.

Used to get 'em from a guy named Rick.

You know, I think I got his

beeper number here somewhere.

It's been 25 years.

I'm fried. I'm tapped out.

Aw, is it hard to run the sock factory

your daddy left you?

As a matter of fact, it is.

You know what my daddy left me?

You told me: a carton of cigarettes.


- Menthol.


- Ugh.

The job was easy for you.

You could sell bibles to a brothel.

I never sold them any bibles

or compression socks.

On the whole, prostitutes

have pretty good circulation.

I don't know how many years I got left.

I got to figure out who I am,

why I'm here.

Don't tell me you're in therapy.

No, as you can see, I'm doing great.

Here's all you need to know, Bobby.

Guys like you and me, we're worker bees.

You bring home the honey till you die,

or your stinger falls off.


- That's it?


- Ah, it's not all bad.

Worker bees get to go on business trips,

get to buzz around some new flowers.

Careful not to pollenate 'em.

What if I don't want to be a worker bee?

What if I want to be something else?

What? The queen?

Oh, my God,

is that why you lost all the weight?

Did I tell you my husband and I

are sleeping in separate bedrooms?

Is everything all right?

Everything's fantastic.

No more snoring, fighting over blankets,

and now, any time I'm in the mood,

he's my across
-the
-hall booty call.

Well, I'm happy

where my booty call is located.

That's nice.

It won't last, but it's nice.

Hello, Dottie.

Hey, honey.

I was just wondering if

you heard from Bob today.


- No.


- Oh.

Okay.

I'm sure everything's fine.

We'll talk later.

Dottie, is something wrong?

Well, I don't want to worry you, but

your husband has gone missing.


- What?


- Yeah.

He walked out in the

middle of a meeting.

Had this weird look on his face.

What kind of weird look?

Oh, you know,

like his will to live is gone.

But I'm probably reading

too much into it.


- Oh, my God.


- What's going on?

Hold on.

Straight to voice mail.

He didn't pick up. He always picks up.

Now, take it easy,

there could be a lot of explanations.

There's no reason to assume

he's dead in a ditch somewhere.

Oh, my God.


- What's going on?


- Bob might be dead in a ditch.


- What?


- Just let me know

if you hear from him.

Or if he's brought into

your emergency room.

I have to go and check

the emergency room.

Well, anything I can do?

Drive around, look at ditches.

Hello, Douglas.

Hey, man.

Is that a beer?

Yep. Want one?

We are at work, Douglas.

Yep. Want one?

I know these are uncertain times,

but we do not have to give up

just because Bob and Goodwin have left.

That's easy for you to say.

When this all goes down,

you'll get another job.

My only skill is my

last name is Wheeler.

That is not true, you have skills.

You don't have to humor me, man.

I know I'm just a pretty face and hair.

I know you are scared, we all are,

but in times like this,

we must be greater than our fear.

I tell you I don't have any skills,

and you think I can do that?

You do not have to do this alone.


- We are in this together.


- There you are.

I found your résumé in the copier.

My résumé? You must be mistaken.

Oh, really? Is there another

Kofoworola Olanipekun working here?

Dude.

I was only putting out feelers.

Well, how about you feel this.

I felt it.

You can count on me, Mom.

I'm not going anywhere.


- Are you drunk?


- Mm, almost.

Give me that.

And you can stick that résumé

where the sun don't shine.

Like under a rock?

More like a tiny cave.

Bob, please call me

as soon as you get this.

Voice mail again.


- I'm sure there's a simple explanation.


- Like what?

He has fallen in love with another woman

and he's running away from you.

He would not do that.

Okay.

Would he do that?

Maybe not, maybe he is in a ditch.

Hello, Mummy,

if you hear from Bob, please call me.

Everything is fine,

we just cannot find him.

No, he's not running away from me.

Okay, what do we know?

He suddenly left work,

his phone is off, he used to be fat.

What does fat have to do with anything?

Fat men are grateful for what they have.

They do not run away from their wives.

They do not run anywhere.

You are being ridiculous.

Hello, Auntie.

If you hear from Bob,

please let me know.

No, no, nothing is wrong,

I just cannot find him.

No, he is not running away from me.

Geez, look at this place.

Nothing's changed.


- Same menu.


- Not true.

They have a veggie dog now.

What's that? Like, a boiled carrot?


- Comes with barbecue sauce.


- Mm.

You and me ate here a lot.

After every fight with your mother.

You and me ate here a lot.

Your mother is a passionate woman.

I don't know how you guys

stayed together so long.

Your mother is a passionate woman.

Oh.

So, what's the plan, son?

I don't know.

Thinking about a vanilla shake.

That's exactly what I'd do.


- Eat yourself sick?


- Fill the hole.

You do it with food,

I did it with scotch.


- You also gambled.


- Hey,

if I wanted to talk to my wife,

I would've visited my wife.

The point is,

you do what you have to do so you can

get back to work the next day.

Says the guy who dropped

dead on the warehouse floor.

A hero's death.

Nope.

What are you doing?

I don't want to end up like you.

You just wasted a dollar.

That hot dog was eight dollars.

Eight dollars?!

That's a full t*nk of gas.

Bob. Thank God you're okay.

I'm fine, I'm fine.

Why aren't you answering your phone?

I'm sorry, it's kind of hard to explain.

Oh, just tell her you are running away.

How'd you know I'd be here?

This is your happy place.

And your sad place.

And your

"lost money on a football game" place.

Is that why you disappeared?

Because you gambled

away Abishola's house?

Can you give us a minute?

You can come live with me.

I'm sorry I didn't call.

Are you running away from me?

What? No, of course not.

You're the only thing

in my life I'm sure of.

That is very sweet.

Why didn't you call?

Because I knew you'd

ask me what I'm doing,

and I don't have an answer.

I have an answer.

You have gone crazy.

And that's why I didn't

want to talk to you.

So, what am I supposed to do

sit around

and wait for my husband

to come to his senses?

I just need a little time.

Take all the time you need.


- Let's go.


- Mm
-hmm.

Make sure you keep the house.

We will be happier there.

So that's the new wife, eh?

Yup.

Not from Detroit, I'm guessing.


- Nigeria.


- No.


- Yeah.


- How?

I had a heart att*ck, she was my nurse.

And you bagged her?

That's my boy.

Oh,

that is good news.

Abishola found Bob, he's fine.

Oh, thank God.

Why did he disappear like that?

Hold on.

Uh, why did he disappear like that?

Apparently, he wanted a hot dog.

Is he coming back to work?

Stand by. Is he coming back to work?

Ah
-ha.

I understand.

No.

Why?

Why?

Uh
-huh.

She does not know.

What does she know?

What do you know?

I see.

She says he did not run away from her.

That's not news.

He's as loyal as a three
-legged dog.

Dottie says that he is as loyal as a dog

with an amputate

She hung up.

I can't believe Bob quit on me.

I'm so sorry.

There is a Nigerian saying,

"Every time a child

chooses their own path,

an angel falls from heaven."

That is not a saying.

I am trying to comfort her.

Dele. Come here.

A
-Am I in trouble?

The whole family is in trouble.

What's going on?

Bob can no longer

provide for his family.

You must be ready to be

the man of the house.

I'm 15.

I was 13

when I started my first business.

It failed.

I was 13.

Oh, gosh. Okay, okay,

you can do this, you can do this.

People get laid off all the time.

He will understand.

Giving bad news doesn't make

you a bad person.

You're just following orders.

Like a n*zi.

Hey, pal, got a minute?

Of course, please come in.

Oh, I see you've decorated

your office already.

Just a few pictures of my family.

A few dozen.

This is my mother and father


- in Lagos.


- Ah.

My grandmother, also in Lagos.


- Nice.


- This is my grandfather, he's dead.

Buried in Lagos?

Exactly right.


- So, uh


- And here is my cousin,

Joseph, he lives in Liverpool,

birthplace of the Beatles,

but he prefers the Rolling Stones.

Funny.

It is.


- So, listen


- And this is my sister,

Blessing, lives in Portland, Oregon,


- works for Nike.


- Oh

See?

For my birthday.

Blessings from Blessing.

And this is my wife,

my two daughters,

and my son when we were at Disney World.

I
-I see the mouse ears.


- Cute story.


- Oh, great.

My son, Bayo,

ate so many sweet treats,

he had a stomach ache,

and Goofy had to carry him to first aid.

God bless Goofy.


- Speaking of nauseous


- I have told

everyone how you gave me

this amazing opportunity.


- Awesome.


- They cannot wait to meet you.

Is that right?

My children already call

you Auntie Christina.

Oh, my God.

Are you okay?

No.

I'm a n*zi.

Last time I saw you in the flesh,

you were sitting in that chair.

Ah, the flesh.

I don't miss it.

If I remember correctly,

you were writing me a check.

Sounds right.

I loved spending money on you kids.

You were very generous.

It was just my way of

compensating for all the guilt.

What were you guilty about?

Are you kidding? I worked 24/7.

I was never there for you.

Hell, this is the longest conversation

you and me have ever had,

and I'm not really here.

You took care of us.

You were a great dad.

You know the secret

to being a great dad?


- What?


- Die early.

Come in.

You wanted to see me, Mr. Wheeler.

Yeah, thanks for coming over.

Come on in, grab a chair.

So

how you making out

over at Toesey Woesies?

Oh, uh

it is wonderful.

Going to work there was the

best decision of my life.

That's great.

Mm
-hmm. Very great.

And how are you doing?

The truth?

I've been talking to

my dead dad all day.

Oh, I see.

Uh, was he helpful?


- Actually, yeah.


- It is important

to talk to those who

have come before us,

but do not ignore them, they get angry.

I'll keep that in mind.

So, how may I help you?

I had a job proposition for you,

but you seem pretty happy where you are.

Very happy. What is your proposition?

How would you feel about sitting

in that chair?


- That is your chair.


- No.

That chair belongs to the

president of the company.

I'm gonna be CEO.

What is the difference?

Well, the president does all the work

and the CEO drops by every now and then

to criticize that work.

So, you would be like my mother?

Don't make it weird.

So, what do you think?

It would take a lot of money

for me to leave Toesey Woesies,

which, as I mentioned, I love.

I get it.

Of course, your pay would be

appropriate to the position.

And this would definitely be my office?

No take
-backsies?

This would be your office.

Excuse me.

Where you going?

I have a box of pictures in my car.

I will be right back.

Look at you, delegating.

It's the only way I'm

ever gonna have a life.

What does that even mean, "have a life"?

Well, when you're on your

deathbed looking back,

you have no regrets.

Really?

That's upsetting.

I'll try and have a life for both of us.

I like that. Thanks.

Call me if you need me.

I'll always need you, Dad.

Nah.

You got this.


- I'm not asleep.


- Of course you're not.

Do you still need time to think?

Nope. I got a plan.

Good. I'm very happy for you.


- You still mad at me?


- Yes.

But I'm glad you're home.

Me too.


- Bob.


- Yeah?

The next time I'm worried you are dead,

you better be.

I love you, too.