03x13 - Dog of the Rings

[bunniefuu]

icture--needs a little enlarging.

Chet, can you go to the computer and blow it up for me?

Uh, wait. "Blow up" meaning "enlarge."

No, Chet!

[expl*si*n] Aah!

Now I got to call my nephew, Glen.

He's my techie.

Wait, he's away being a live- action role player this weekend.

A loiper, looper...

LARPer!

[lisp]: Live-action role player!

Glen! Hey, wait a minute.

Aren't you supposed to be at a castle?

Don't remind me.

My friends and I were supposed to be

on the Ultimate Wing Castle Quest,

but we got colds LARPing in the rain last week,

so we're stuck at home.

Nice computer.

Yeah, but you're stuck sick at home, so you can't fix it.

Are you as dim as a level two Syrian swamp creature?

I can fix the remotely.

That's great!

But I won't do it

unless I can use your FETCHers

as gaming pieces for the Wing Castle Quest.

My FETCHers aren't gaming pieces, they're people.

Oh, so you don't need a computer to do your show?

Okay, signing off.

Wait! Fine! Whatever you say!

From this point forward,

I am to be known only as Glendalf!

Let the saga begin!

Saga?

RUFF: ♪ Life was missing its mystique ♪

♪ My squeaky toys had lost their squeak ♪

And then, out of the blue, I saw the phone and bam!

My destiny was calling me.

[instrumental jazz playing]

♪ Pitched my vision for a show

♪ They loved it, thought I was a pro ♪

♪ They got my contract back to find ♪

♪ To their alarm, a dog had signed ♪

♪ FETCH! ♪Oh, I like that name.

♪ With Ruff Ruffman ♪

♪ I didn't wait to renovate

♪ Found six contestants, all were great ♪

♪ And now I'm on the road to fame ♪

♪ I've got a game show and its name is ♪

♪ FETCH! ♪

It's very catchy.

♪ With Ruff Ruffman ♪

It rolls off the tongue.

Wait, stop.♪ With Ruff Ruffman. ♪

Somebody want to tell me why we got cats singing?

Funding for And here come the contestants now.

She wants to visit Scotland to play the bagpipes.

Ooh, maybe Uncle McRuffmantage can show her how.

He doesn't like garden work.

Oh, if only the dirt weren't so dirty.

Her hermit crab had a blue,

purple and pink polka-dotted shell.

He wants to meet the creator of Marvel Comics, Stan Lee.

A new idea for a superhero-- Jay-Man!

When he grows up, he wants to be a mathematician.

Maybe he'll find the equation to give him an extra

three million points in the Triumph Tally.

Her afterschool activities include singing, dancing,

doing homework and annoying her brothers.

Let's get an update on the scores.

DJ has dropped to sixth place with points.

Noel up to fifth with points.

Harsha is up to fourth with points.

And Sammy holding onto the three spot with points.

And Jay has dropped to second with points.

And Sam is in first with points.

Hello, and welcome to another

exciting episode of FETCH!

I hope.

Can you guys see me okay?Yeah. Yeah.

What am I doing right now?ALL: Waving your arms.

Okay, excellent.

That means the FETCH 's

back up and working again.

[cheering]Yeah.

[lisping]: Of course it's working again.

I'm a computer wizard.

[laughing]

GLEN: Are these the LARPers?

Uh, they are not live-action role players.

They're FETCHers, okay?

Guys, this is my nephew,

and FETCH expert, more importantly, Glen.

ALL: Hi, Glen.

[lisping]: My name is not Glen, it is Glendalf.

Sorry, Glendalf.RUFF: Whoa, fine.

Glendalf's a little touchy today.

He's a, uh, live-action role player?

LARPer.

He couldn't make it to his challenge today...

Not challenge-- quest.

I'm sick and my mother wouldn't let me embark on the greatest,

most epic quest ever.

That's tragic.

And that's why on today's challenge...

No, no, no! I'll set it up.

[lisping]: Oh, hear me,

my "wagtag" band of wizards, elves and dwarves.

What you seeketh

"wies" beyond the colossal mountains of Augnor...

[giggling]

...past the raging rivers of Umbiliam...

across the great chasm of...

Uh, Glendalf, it's only a half hour show, okay, little man?

Fine.

You noble and chivalrous six

shall go to Wing's Castle and attain for Glendalf

the Majestic Wing Goblet of Infinite Awesomeness.

A what? What?

The ten-sided die has spoken.

You two...

RUFF: Uh, Harsha and Sam?

You shall be my wizards.

Awesome.

Look for the "wickety" bridge.

And you and... you.

RUFF: Noel and Jay?

Elves.

Oh, yeah.Oh, awesome!

Find the enchanted water.

Uh, so that would make DJ and Sammy...

Bearded dwarves!

[laughing]

You must venture into the mouth of the dragon.

Mighty adventurers!

[lisping]: On your wing quest,

you shall be seeking

wings in various locations.

And these wings shall lead you to your goal!

Okay, so they need

to find rings.

[lisps]: Yes, they need to find "wings"!

All right, you guys heard my nerd-phew.

I mean, nephew.

Everything you need to know

is in the mailbox.

[record scratching]No!

Chamber of Knowledge.RUFF: Fine.

Chamber of Knowledge.

So, go... FETCH!

Oh, and your gear is over there by the side there.

All right, guys, good luck.

For the six FETCHers out on the quest today,

up to points are at stake in the Triumph Tally.

Quickly, Uncle Ruff, use your enchanted Mirror of Solon

to track their progress.

Yeah, I'm just gonna use my computer screen.

Ah, here come the FETCHers.

GLEN: LARPers. RUFF: LARPers, yes.

DJ: We have reached the castle.

To storm the castle!

Yes!

RUFF: Through the deadly... flowers.

GLEN: There it is-- Wing's Castle.

The Wing Goblet lies somewhere within those very walls.

Hey, a wooden bridge.

GLEN: The wizards have found the "wickety" bridge.

It's a very narrow bridge.

This must be the clue.

RUFF: Okay, first clue. Good.

Those rocks over there look like

they have some designs on them.

This must mean something.

It does mean something.

Yeah, open the clue.

GLEN: Oh, my, oh, my.

"A full moon shines while you slumber..."

[Harsha and Sam reading]

"Make number and name be the same."

GLEN: Yes. Yes.

HARSHA: Hey, aren't these all things on the rocks?

On the rocks.

GLEN: Read the patterns on the "wocks."

They are important.

It's probably like a calendar.

GLEN: Calendar.

The wolf is here, so this is January.

Snowflake.

August is fish.

It's a sturgeon fish.

All right, so now let's do this whole equation,

and then we'll see, maybe, like, what number month it is.

RUFF [chuckling]: They're math wizards.

GLEN: Try to take this seriously, Uncle Ruff.

We'll just slowly subtract.

GLEN: Yes! Wizards need bravery, courage and math skills.

RUFF: Okay, the number is eight.

January would be one, and then...

So what's eight?

Eight. One, two, three,

four, five, six, seven, eight.

August. August, okay, the eighth month, right.

"Make number and name be the same."

GLEN [lisping]: And the "wunar" name for August is?

Sturgeon is the name.

Eight. One, two, three,

four, five, six, seven, eight.

RUFF: "Sturgeon" has eight letters.

Number and name are the same.

[lisps]: Very good, Uncle Ruff,

for a "wookie."

A wookie? What, am I Chewbacca?

Let's go to the August stone

and see if there's something there.

Should I flip it? Yeah.

GLEN: Yes! Yes! Yes!

A ring!

Ruff, we found a ring.

This is actually pretty cool.

Of course it is!

You think I waste my time on the weekends?!

All right, let's see where the dwarves are going.

GLEN: To the mouth

of the dragon!

RUFF: Wait a minute, wait a minute.

There's no such thing as dragons.

Oh, "weally"?

Dragon's head.

Wait! I found it! I found it over here!

It says, "Go through the door under the dome,

look on the floor under the gnome."

And there's these weird symbols.

That's a dome.RUFF: Aha, there's the dome.

GLEN: Yes! Yes! Yes!

RUFF: Nobody's home.

Under the gnome...

There's a gnome. There's one!

[Glen cackling]

There's a note. Here.

Oh, it's what it means.

Oh, the words...

Wait, wait, wait. Come here, come here.

Okay, what is this?

"P"... It looks like an alphabet.

GLEN: That's written in Wolvish.

Oh, of course, Wolvish, yes.

That's P... H... O...

P-H-O...RUFF: Pho?

Phooey?

Right here. "N." Phoen?

What's this one?There's "R."

Phoney? And "X."

Phoenix.

Wait a minute, they have to go to Arizona?Not Phoenix, Arizona.

Let's go look for a phoenix.All right, cool.

Phoenix is a flying fiery bird.

Doesn't it rise out of, like, ashes?

Ashes!

GLEN: Oh, that's right.

Oh, yes!

The ring! This is the ring!

It's the ring.We found the ring.

All right, where to next, nephew?

It's Glendalf!

Where to next, oh, magical Glendalf?

GLEN: Now the elves must find the enchanted waters.

What's that down there? Check this out.

GLEN: Yes, yes.

NOEL: It's a note.

"You must not swim, the result would be tragic,

"you cannot dive, the water is magic.

"You're elves not fish, neither tuna nor trout,

so build a strong bridge, then fish the ring out."

RUFF: They got to build a bridge?

JAY: There's the ring.

Yes, the have to build a bridge.

GLEN: How do you expect them to get the "wing"?

Well, there was building supplies over there.

There was wood and stuff, so I guess we have to build a bridge.

RUFF: All right, brainstorming time--

elf style.

JAY: We have two long planks

and then...A bunch of these short planks.

JAY: Yeah, with the little loops on them.

So probably sketch out what we're looking at.

Big planks... little planks.

I don't know if those planks are long enough

to extend the whole way.

Maybe we should, like, measure the length of the pool,

and measure the boards.Yeah.

RUFF: Okay they're measuring the wood planks.

JAY: It's almost eight feet. Eight feet. All right, good.

All right, so let's go measure the pool.

Let's see if it can take me all the way over here.

Okay, how long do we have?

It's like feet, nine inches.

Okay, that's not good.

RUFF: The enchanted water's too wide.

The plank's not going to be long enough.

JAY: So we'll have to redesign our entire bridge.

Okay, I think we have to use both of those.Yeah, so if one's

not long enough, we can just, like, nail them together.

We can have one long board here, another long board here, right?Mm-hmm.

Then we use a short board-- we can put one on top

and then one on the bottom.

We nail...

this through all three of them.

Yeah. Then we have that really sturdy middle piece.Mm-hmm.

Let's try screws.

The screws have the ridges, and the ridges

hold them in place so you can't just pull them out.

GLEN [lisping] I am very "pweased" with their second design.

So we have two screwdrivers.

RUFF: They need an enchanted drill.

GLEN: That's not funny, Uncle Ruff.

Think we need to test if the bridge works. Yeah.

Put some of those rocks under each end. Okay.

RUFF: Now they're going to test to see how sturdy it is.

I will test it.

And it sags.

Sags way too much in the middle.

If this was in water...

RUFF: You'd be pretty wet by now.

We're putting all of our pressure

in the center of the bridge.Yeah.

GLEN: That is not going to work.

There is a better way.

A better way?

Ooh, tell me.

No. They must discover for themselves.

Bridges usually have like,

these things that go

up like that.

RUFF: Oh, wait a minute.

We could feed the rope...Through there.

RUFF: Oh, rather than have a plank go across the enchanted water,

they can build a suspension bridge.

Think about cars going over a bridge.

You have all this pressure on the center of the bridge.

NOEL: All the force is in the middle,

but we help lift it up,

the force will be distributed to the two ends.

Good, good. Distribute the force on the bridge

away from the middle to the ends.

But wait, how do they do that?

They have the tools.

If we put hooks right here,

we have the rope going through it.

The rope is pulling on this and pulling the bridge up.

Pull it up here and screw things down at the two ends.

GLEN: Yes, yes.

Our two planks are going to be here, right?

Yeah, and then we'll have hooks right here.With a hook in the middle.

We'll have rope coming...

Down, and...It'll be pulled tight to up here.

So then when we put pressure down,

the pressure goes straight up the rope.

But maybe we should have

the rope attached to the ends...

Yeah, instead of just up here.

Because that will pull this over.

We should put the boards here.

Yeah, and then our rope

will go like this.

Through the little hole, and down like that.

So the rope takes the load from the center

and puts it on the uprights.

RUFF: And then to the ends of the bridge. That's very smart.

[grunting] Almost got it.

RUFF: When they're done with this, they can bake me some cookies.

All right. Almost done.

It's too bad elves don't have power tools.

RUFF: Apparently they had safety goggles,

but not an electric screwdriver.

GLEN: Uncle Ruff, not funny.

Oh, yeah, we can put it like this

and have it run on the side.

RUFF: Magic hooks. Cool.

No, they're "wegular" hooks.

Now to do our roping.

And tight. All right.

We're going to want to hammer those down later.

RUFF: Looking good. Okay, tie your knot.

GLEN: It looks like they are finished.

I'll be the brave soul.

GLEN: And Noel is the tester.

It seems, like, loose.

Maybe we should put like, a screw down here...Yeah.

If we put one on each side,

it'll make the rope tighter...Tighter.

GLEN: Okay, one more test.

Yep. Yep, that should be good.

GLEN: Excellent.

The ring's going to be under us, so we have this

to fish out the big ring.

Here we go, Ruff.

RUFF: Now it's time to set the suspension bridge in place,

and charge a four to five dollar toll.

GLEN: Oh, my, oh, my, excellent, excellent.

All right, you ready?Yeah.

RUFF: She has removed her super... shoes

and has her hook.

As she gently lowers it into the pool...

It is working, Uncle Ruff.

I see it![water splashing]

Yes.GLEN: She has the ring!

Slowly...

Yes, I got it!

Easy does it.

We have to bring this back.

GLEN: Careful...

There we go.

Noel, you're awesome. Yes.

GLEN: Yes! Yes!

Ruff, I did it.

You sure did, Noel.

I got the ring.

They are one step closer

to the Majestic Wing Goblet of Infinite Awesomeness.

All right, let's check it out.

RUFF: Okay, back to the wizards.

Courtyard. We have to go to the courtyard.

To the courtyard!

All right, let's go to the courtyard.

RUFF: And off they go.

Hopefully, they'll find a barber.

GLEN: Uh-oh. It's "dwizzling."

So let's look for a clue maybe.

GLEN: Oh, they're onto it, they're onto it.

RUFF: Aha, a clue.

SAM: "This challenge is tough...

That must be the stuff, but... Any pails?

Look around. There should be a pail somewhere.

[gasps]: Pail.RUFF: There's two of them!

SAM: "A ring lies in the balance."

HARSHA: Oh, there's a ring up there then.

SAM: If balance is the key...

maybe we want it to fall. Put them all in the left...

so we want to get it down, okay?

They just need to throw the stuff into the correct pail.

Looks like we need to throw 'em.

GLEN [slyly]: Yes, into the right pail.

[Glen laughing]

Wait, why did you say that so slyly?

Never mind.

Let's do it again.RUFF: Oh, nice sh*t!

Let's just try and get stuff in.

RUFF: Oh, bank sh*t!

GLEN: Oh, that was good.

RUFF: Out... Oh, man, it was so close.

Oh!

Oh, in and out.

Aw, I feel like Shaq at the free throw line.

Aha, all right.

All right. Is there anything in there?No.

[Glen cackling]

SAM: "A ring lies

in the balance."

"If you toss this stuff into the...

into the right pail."RUFF: Oh...

Ruff, you're cruel!

Wait a minute, it wasn't me.

Aha, not everything is what it seems, Uncle Ruff.

You must be "cwever."

SAM: We have to sh**t all the way up there again.

Okay.

GLEN: Missed.

Aha, they have the "right" bucket.

There we go. We got the ring.

GLEN: They are even closer

to finding the Majestic Wing Goblet of Infinite Awesomeness.

What is it? RUFF: Back to the dwarves.

Rock...Beard. Rock beard?

It says, "wock" beard.

Yeah, let's find the next location.

All right, let's go, come on.

Rock beard.

GLEN: There he is-- "Wock" Beard.

Lookit, lookit, here's a clue right here.

RUFF: A clue.

[Sammy reading]

What?! I'd don't like the creepy-crawlies.

Be brave, Uncle Ruff.

Okay, I guess we have to follow the string.

Let's go, let's...

RUFF: It's dark in there.

GLEN: They will not be harmed.

Oh, lookit.

RUFF: Oh! Is there a spider up there?

So, do we pull them?

Let's try to pull them.

Oh! What is that?[Ruff yelps]

Something fell. What is that?

It's a monkey.Try another one.

Oh! Guys, watch your heads.

That's an elephant.

Water balloon!

Oh. [Ruff yelps]

Try to be brave, Uncle Ruff.

Ooh! Ooh!

RUFF: There's stuff falling on their heads!

GLEN: Settle.

Okay, only four more.

There's only four strings left.

Oh! The ring. The ring.

We've got the ring.

RUFF: Aha! They got a ring!

The Majestic Wing Goblet of Infinite Awesomeness

is practically in their grasp.

It says something.

RUFF: Well, what does it say? Kitchen.

Kitchen.

To the kitchen!

And Ruff.

Ooh, now the elves

can bake me those cookies.

Oh, hey.

NOEL: See, there's a note.RUFF: Aha.

[Glen laughing]What is that?

RUFF: Ah! "Your."

Maybe there's some others.

Oh. I see one.

GLEN: Excellent! Excellent!

Oh! It's over there.

RUFF: There's a third one.

Oh, found one.[Glen laughing]

There's the next one. Oh.

In the dragon's mouth.

[Ruff groans]

RUFF: One! One!

Oh, here's one.

GLEN: They're onto it, they're onto it.

"Switch" minus...Minus F?

Oh, I found one.

RUFF: Aha!

Jars... Thermos.

Your ring lies in one of the what?

There are eight, so...One more.

JAY: There's the last clue. There's another clue.

S plus pi.

BOTH: Pies!

Oh, baby,

look at those pies!

JAY: "Your ring is in one of the pies."

I think... we have to use our hands.

GLEN: Oh, that's right! No ring in here.

[Glen laughing]

Looks like cherry?

Uh-huh.

Apple.

[Glen laughing]

Blueberry!

RUFF: Oh, baby.

Aw, that's got multiple fruits in it.

Really good, Ruff.

Oh...

Uncle, control your appetite.

JAY: No ring in there.

[moaning]

I'm not feeling any rings in here.

Now, nephew, they've gone though just about every pie.

There are no rings.

Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that.

Oh, it's a ring! Get all the pudding off it.

Eww.

That would be the ring.

GLEN: Ha-ha!

RUFF: Another ring.

All right, let's see what it says.

It says... stone table. Stone table.

RUFF: Stone table.

What is it?Stone table.

Stone table?

Theirs says stone table, too.

Stone... table.Table.

RUFF [gasps]: Oh! And so do theirs!

This'll probably get us closer to the, uh...

Majestic...Ring Goblet of...

Infinite Awesomeness.

Yes! They're so "cwose."

Very good for first-time LARPers.

RUFF: That must be the stone table.

There it is, the stone table, table.

Oh, hi, guys. Yes!

They have all assembled!

They have all the rings.

We probably have to put the rings on here.

Yes. I think mine's the biggest, so...

Just plop that on the table.See what happens.

GLEN: Oh, my. Oh, my.

Oh, they fit! RUFF: Wait a minute.

Each ring fits into another ring.

They connect together. Why, it's a kind of puzzle.

SAM: It looks like a tower.

Yes, Uncle Ruff!

This whole quest is a puzzle.

Wings. It's definitely wings.

It's a tower.

The last piece. Do you have it?GLEN: Yes, yes, yes.

Tower. Tower.

Wings... Tower.Maybe that's where

the Majestic Ring Goblet of Infinite Awesomeness is.

ALL: YEAH! It's over there.

GLEN: They have found the tower!

All right, let's go, guys!

RUFF: That's it. They're going to the tower.

This is definitely it.

Gangway. [shriek]

RUFF: Oh, my. Oh...!

GLEN [chortling]: Oh, yes. Oh, excellent!

All the way!

RUFF: Yes!

There it is!

RUFF: They found the Ring Goblet,

and... wait.

They're chicken wings.Wings?! Wings?!

Wait a minute. Why are there...?

Why are there chicken wings in the Ring Goblet?

Wing'sCastle?

FETCHERS: Oh...

Wait. You just sent my FETCHers on a quest

to find, uh, buffalo wings.

It's a Wing Goblet. "Hewwo."

You've been saying, through the whole show,

that this is a Ring Goblet.

[lisping]: Not "Wing" Goblet.

"Wing" Goblet!

All right, did you fix my computer?

Yes. Good-bye.

Well, I guess

we have to make our way back to Studio G.

Ruff, I'll bring these back for you.

GLEN: They've done it!

But now they must bring the goblet to me,

its rightful owner.

Through the sunless Forest of Drizzlewood.

Across the forbidden "gwove,"

beyond the treacherous hills of...

[record scratching]: Glendalf, come on.

The show's almost over. Wrap it up.

Fine.

RUFF: They've got the magic touch.

They're the wizards--

Harsha and Sam!

And right behind them,

the elves themselves, Jay and Noel!

And, looking extra fetching

in their beards, DJ and Sammy!

I have something behind this cape.

Look! Uncle Ruff!

The goblet! Get the wings!

RUFF: Uh, DJ.

Can you do the honors, good sir?

Just put a couple of them in the mailbox.

Oh! My friends are going to be so jealous.

Eating a single wing bumps a canine LARPer

up three levels.

ALL: Wow.

Well, that sounds like they all

deserve some points.

[cheering]

Sam and Harsha.

Aren't these all things on the rocks?

RUFF: You figured out the moon mystery circle

and emptied the correct ring bucket.

That's points!

Whoo!

Jay and Noel...

JAY: So I guess we have to build a bridge.

You built a bridge over... ♪ Troubled waters.

NOEL: Yes. I got it.

And you got your piece of the pie

by finding a ring in it.

That's points for you!

[whooping]

DJ and Sammy...Let's go look for the phoenix.

...you found a ring in the ashes, like dwarves of lore,

and pulled the right string, like dwarves of yore,

and so you're getting points!

[cheers, applause]And...

We probably have to put the rings on here.

For working as a team to obtain

The Majestic Wing Goblet of Infinite Awesomeness...

FETCHERS: Wings?!

points to all of you.

But, is that all the points

a level five dog wizard game show host can give?

ALL: No!

By the power of Poodledor,

from the far away and dangerous land

of the mysterious hobgoblins...

what mystical and wonderful age are we about to enter?

Bonus points!

RUFF: Today's bonus points

go to the sure-footed fearsome FETCHer

who stayed high and dry on an elfin suspension bridge...

Ruff, I did it.

Noel!

Ta-dah!

With points, you're today's daily winner.

[whooping] Good job.

Now, Noel, I have here the coveted pair

of funtibulous raven-toe vases

filled with ogre blood,

bestowing on their owner

a plus-four dexterity and troll feet.

Ruff, how did you get the funtibulous vases?

RUFF: What? I just made that up.

They're peanut butter jars filled with grape juice.

But... under one

is a fabulous prize, and under the other...

A horrible dragon curse!

RUFF: So, Noel, "A"...

or "B"?

"A."

"A"!

Noel, you will find your prize in the...

Chamber of Knowledge?

It's in the mailbox.

It's a phone!

Yes! It is an awesome antique phone

that actually rings.

Wow. Whoa. Cool.

Dog of the Rings.

"Dog of the Rings." Get it?

Come on. Okay.

I'm Ruff Ruffman.

You're a weird bunch of FETCHers, and I love ya,

but we're outta here.

See ya next time.

Huh! Talk about a LARPer.

Glen is definitely one of the LARPiest.

Fundibulous raven-toe vase indeed.

[laughing] What?

Oh, Blossom, snap out of it.

A] It's grape juice.

B] I'm thirsty.

[gulping]

Ah! Refreshing!

Now, then, as a...[whooshing]

Uh, Chet, when I sent you to the supermarket,

you bought grape juice, right?

Okay. Can someone call Glen

and ask him how long these troll feet are going to last?

Thank you. [dialing]



[Ruff scatting]

♪ FETCH! ♪

♪ With Ruff Ruffman! ♪

[Ruff scatting]

Oh, whatever.

♪ FETCH! ♪

♪ With Ruff Ruffman! ♪

♪ FETCH! ♪