02x03 - School Clubs/Video Projects

[bunniefuu]

Ned: in a middle school full of bullies,

Insane teachers,

And gross school lunches,

Ned bigby--that's me--

And my two best friends try to do the impossible:

Create a guide that will help you survive school.

Man: ♪ turn it up

♪ Looking out

♪ I'll survive with no doubt ♪

♪ Never fear

♪ Bring it on

♪ Breaking down what's in my way ♪

♪ And I'm

♪ Finding my place in this world ♪

♪ And I'm...

Ned: "ned's declassified school survival guide."

Your results may vary.

[Bell rings]

Sometimes the best thing your school has to offer takes place

After the last bell rings, like after-school clubs.

School clubs are great because you get to hang with a friend

That you don't share class with.

Welcome, young warriors, to the gamers' club.

Enter if you dare.

So join a club, like the pottery club,

The sewing club,

Missy's declassified school survival manual club.

[Alarm]

[Tires screech]



♪ Oh oh oh oh

So why are we here, missy buddies?

Girls: we want to be popular.

Missy: of course you do. So let's get started.

Helpful hint number one--

Popular kids think popular thoughts,

So always agree with the popular kids.

What are you doing?

Helping kids survive school

With my school survival manual club.

You stole my idea!

This "stole" is an ugly word.

I'll admit your guide was cute,

But my manual is far superior.

"Always agree with the popular kids"?

That's terrible survival advice.

Is it?

Everybody knows the easiest way to survive school

Is to be popular.

And who better to teach the kids how to be popular than me now?

If you're not here to learn, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Missy buddies, please show ned out.

Oh, yeah, I'm real scared of your missy buddies.

[Chuckles]

[Ned chuckles nervously]

Missy buddies...

Big, large.

Missy: ...of getting popular kids to like you is to do their homework.

Missy ripped off my guide.

I was created for good to help kids survive school.

And it was my idea.

I heard about that.

And you didn't tell me?

It's completely different.

You have a guide. She has a manual.

You have tips.

She has helpful hints.

Remind me to k*ll you later.

So what club are you guys joining?

I don't know. Suzie and I haven't decided yet.

We're finally gonna hang out and see if this friendship thing will work.

But now I never want to hear her name again.

At least you're not putting too much pressure on yourself.

I don't know what club to join.

Can I hang with you and suzie?

Sure, you can't. Oh, there's suzie. Got to go.

I wonder if there's any room in missy's club.

[Muttering excitedly]

I've got to rescue the guide and put a stop to missy.

Girl: ok. Our first order of club ned business

Is to find the cutest picture of ned.

[Girls scream]

Actually,

It's this baby photo of him in the tub.

[Girls screaming]

We have to have it...

It's my only copy!

Pottery club? Oh, no way.

I'm glad we're finally hanging out.

Ping pong club.

No way. Yeah, me, too.

Computer club.

Oh, no way.

We could start a "no way" club.

Have you ladies considered the gamers' club? Woo!

Thrill to the complete and utter annihilation of your foes.

Fight a battle of mythic proportions.

It's the ultimate competition.

[Chuckles]

And hello. You get to wear a cool hat like mine.

Beep, beep! Sewing club coming through.

[Raspy voice] oh, is it too late to join?

[Clears throat]

There's always room for another missy buddy.

Now, if you want to be popular,

Then you can't be seen with kids that are unpopular,

A.k.a. Lameoids, dorks, and dweebs.

So helpful hint number -- don't hang out with the unpopular kids.

But what if an unpopular kid is your friend?

If they are a real friend, then they wouldn't be unpopular.

So I would drop them.

Now, a true sign someone's a geek

Is when they wear a cheesy disguise.

Don't listen to her. She's--ow!

[Moans]

Your bad attitude is giving us all a real ned-ache.

So b*at it.

[Chuckles nervously]

Aah!

I don't know which club I want to join.

Me neither. What do you like to do?

I did have a great time digging those tunnels with gordy.

Hey, I'll start a dig tunnels and find stuff club.

You mean archaeology.

Whatever.

Aah!

Oh, good work, girls.

But mine's better, right?

That's because I'm not finished yet.

When I am, mine will be better.

Monroe: I think you've got it jammed there.

Suzie: no, um...

Monroe: hey, girls, stop, stop!

Girls, stop! Girls!

Sewing is not a contact sport!

Now you've ruined two machines.

Oh, now, if you want to see good sewing--

Oh, i, uh, i, um, ahem!

I, uh, I made it.

Monroe: maybe you should try something more suitable,

Like kickboxing!

Hyah! Hyah!

Hyah!

[Muffled] maybe that wasn't such a good idea.

So me and suzie are gonna give school clubs one more sh*t.

I just wish she wasn't so competitive.

I'm not competitive. I just never like to lose.

Missy: who has my math homework?

Good. History? Excellent.

Double soy latte? Thank you.

I wish there was some way I could get into that club and shut it down.

Cookie: check out the plans

For my archaeology club's secret tunnel system.

They go everywhere. This is gonna be a blast.

So you guys want to join?

I don't have time for digging through secret tunnels

That go everywhere in the school.

[Ding]

I'm in.

Are you sure this tunnel leads to missy's club?

Positive. Just hammer right there.

Girl: thank you.

You're welcome.

[Girls screaming]

♪ , , ,

♪ Too much of a good thing

♪ Can be a great thing

♪ Don't be tryin' to stop me now ♪

♪ Ooh ooh

♪ Ooh ooh

♪ Too much is the best

♪ Gimme, gimme now...

♪ Ooh ooh

Stop.

Go! Runaway train! Freight train!

♪ Ooh ooh

[Hissing]

[High-pitched voice] what's with the spraying thing?

[High-pitched voice] oh, no!

It's sweeny's helium t*nk.

Oh, no! Oh, no!

[High-pitched voice] oh, no!

I'm tired of being lost.

I want to get into missy's club now.

Well, if you think you're so smart, why don't you try and figure it out?

I'm not the cyborg.

We sound funny.

I don't think we're supposed to turn everything into a death match.

Yeah, I know. We've been kicked out of every club.

But I'm having fun.

Yeah, me, too.

Well, there's one club we haven't tried yet.

I'll go if you go.

Missy's club is definitely on the other side of this wall.

We spent all this time digging for ned.

This isn't much of an archaeology club, is it?

Are you kidding?

Look, I found a buffalo nickel,

A yo-yo string, a glass eye,

And I got to spend

A wonderful afternoon with you in a hole.

I--i had a great time.

Hey, guys.

She's everywhere.

No. It's me--ned. Where's missy?

Having her afternoon tea.

You have to stop listening to missy.

Being popular isn't everything.

Plus, look what she's got you doing.

Making buttons, doing her homework.

Missy isn't even nice.

Do you really want to be like her?

I take it she's back in the room.

Ooh. You know, you guys are really starting

To get on my--ow!

[Ned groans]

School clubs are supposed to be fun.

Is anybody having fun?

Not really.

Being popular is a lot more work than I thought.

Missy: do you want to have fun or do you want to be popular?

Ned: what she really means is, do you want to think for yourself,

Or do you want to do what she tells you to do?

Hey, that's one of the perks of being popular--

Getting dorks to do whatever you want.

You think we're dorks?

Duh. You are dorks.

That's why I'm being so nice and helping you.

Ned: you guys aren't dorks.

You guys should join a fun club, a club like...

The archaeology club.

That's the last time I try and help someone.

School clubs are great,

But be careful which club you choose.

I suggest you avoid anything with the word "missy" in it.

And don't be afraid to join a bunch of clubs,

Because you never know what you'll like till you try it.

Yes! Your kingdom is mine.

Ooh!

Best out of .

You're on.

We're not being too competitive for them, right?

No, no. They're just not used to having girls around.

Ned: if you can't find the club you want to join,

Start your own, like cookie did.

Now it's time for me to find a club.

"Totally fun club that ned will love club"?

♪ Watch me showing off again ♪

♪ Oh oh oh

[Girls screaming]

Class, I have exciting news.

I'm assigning you all video projects.

All: yeah!

And the subject is...

[All shouting at once]

No, no, no, no, no.

The subject is vocation...

Kung fu movie! Kung fu movie!

Oh, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine!

Do whatever you want.

Yeah! Yeah!

But no cursing and no mooning.

You and me on a video project?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

We sh**t a ninja movie. We sh**t a spaceship movie.

Ninja movie.spaceship movie.

Spaceship movie!ninja movie!

Ninja movie!spaceship movie!

Spaceship movie!ninja movie!

All right, young people,

This week's assignment will be a video project!

You will be sh**ting a documentary!

[Crickets chirping]

Documentaries are about uncovering the truth.

Now you can sh**t this documentary about your best friend

Or a coach or perhaps a favorite teacher.

Now, if one or more of you would like to sh**t a documentary about me,

I suggest you contact me a.s.a.--

[Bell rings]

"P".

I'd like to do my documentary about you, mr. Wright.

This is embarrassing.

I mean, you don't have to.

Ok, I'll go ask chopsaw.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I always say, "go with your first instinct."

First one.

The key to a great video project is the directing,

And I've always wanted to direct a space epic.

The key to a great video project is the acting,

And I was born to play ninja warrior master.

Spaceship movie!ninja movie!

Ninja movie!spaceship movie!

Spaceship movie!ninja movie!

Ninja movie!spaceship movie!

Quiet!

Heads, space epic, tails, ninja movie.

Tails.

Yes!

Space epic is clearly the better choice.

Heads, you stop talking, tails, you be quiet.

Hey, guys, what's up?

I'm running the a.v. Room today, isn't that weird?

Just cleaning up.

It gets real messy.

Need a camera? Tape?

That's good.

Good luck, guys. See you.

If you have a video project coming up,

Check out these tips.

Keep your video short.

If it gets really long,

The class will get really bored.

Why are we filming cardboard drying for hours?

It shows the tedium of things

That society reveres one minute,

Then discards over time and space.

You got a better idea?

Yeah, I thought we could do

A teen slasher flick--

"Rock a die baby."

Get your friends involved and get started right away,

Because it's absolutely impossible to do a video project

The night before it's due.

Pull the sword.

I'm trying, but it's stuck.

And if you ever do something potentially embarrassing on tape,

Erase it immediately or it could come back to haunt you.

All right, well, I'll see you at : tomorrow morning,

And action!

Thought it would be cool to see how mr. Wright starts his day,

Get to the truth and stuff.

That's a great idea.

Really? Or are you just saying that?

I'm just saying that.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

[Car horn honks]

I like to grind a few rails or olly a couple of benches

Before I start my day.

I don't know, it kind of just keeps me connected.

Word.

Oh, yeah.

You might want to add this rad footage I sh*t to your final cut.

You feel me?

I stayed up late adding the special effects.

You are one great ninja.

That's not my ninja movie.

What?

You wanted to be a ninja in my video project,

And you are.

But I'm not doing anything.

Yes, you are. Watch.

I die?

You tricked me.

As impressive as that is,

I'm the star of this video project.

Now, I won the coin toss and you have to honor that.

It's in the guide.

No, it's not.

It is now.

Now, I be ninja in movie!

You dorks have got to see this.

Aah!

That not right.

In more ways than one.

He's using my video project

To look cooler in front of the class.

He's being ridiculous.

Hey, can you put on this monster mask

And let me kick your butt

So I can look cool in front of the class?

Sure.

This way.

"Ultra ninja middle school warrior movie," take one.

This feels a little loose.

I'm telling you, it's loose!

[Crash]

Cut, print! Genius!

I'm all right. I'm good.

Thanks, guys.

How's the video project coming?

Oh, good.

How's the escape everyone laughing at you by hiding going?

I was just goofing around.

Now everyone's calling me "dork of the rings,"

"The dorktrix."

You forgot "dork vader."

That's good.

I hadn't heard that one.

Look on the bright side.

Thanks to video games, kids today only have a -minute attention span.

Everyone's forgotten about it by now.

Teachers, on the other hand,

They remember a lot longer.

Good luck, buddy.

Say, "action!"

Action.

You are the coolest, mr. Wright.

What a special teacher you...

Are.

What?

No! Stop! Stop! Stop!

No, I believe the actual term is "cut."

Mr. Wright, this isn't the real you,

And it's definitely not the real them.

I thought you told us documentaries are about

Getting to the raw truth in life.

Well, they are.

The truth is, I wanted the kids to think I'm cool,

Not boring, like they do.

I promised the guys extra credit for helping me,

And she thinks she's in an aftershave commercial.

And the skateboard video?

Oh, that was my nephew.

I couldn't find a stunt skater that was actually big enough.

Mr. Wright, you may not be

The coolest teacher ever,

But you are one of the best,

Which is very, very cool.

Cool. Yeah, totally cool.

Thank you, jennifer.

You know, you're right.

Still want to do that interview with me?

Check out what will go down in history

As the coolest video project ever.

Announcer: in a world of uncertainty,

One ninja faces his most deadly foe--

Your most deadly foe is your doll?

Oh, I must have hit the record button

This morning by accident!

Another video project tip:

Always click the protector tab on the tape

To avoid wiping out your project.

It's due th period.

Don't you have a backup?

Cyborgs always have backups.

All I have is the special effects disc.

Well, we can't just hand this in.

We'll look like idiots.

Oh, and now we're a laughingstock.

No, it's just me.

I have an idea.

To the computer lab!

Jennifer, voice-over: the winning presidential citation

And teacher of the year awards

Is not what keeps mr. Wright going.

Mr. Wright, voice-over: it's when I see in a student's eyes

That they've learned something new.

That's what keeps me going.

That's what I love about teaching.

Jennifer, voice-over: and after school,

He loves to shred on his skateboard to keep in shape.

I found a bigger stunt kid.

[Woman screaming on tv]

Excellent use of ketchup, fellas.

I think my favorite part was the ending...

When it ended.

And now, our final video is ned and simon.

Announcer: in a world of uncertainty,

One ninja faces his most deadly foe.

Martin qwerly is "ninja master warrior king."

A-plus, boys.

The "a" is for the project.

The plus is for-- for that.

...actually dip it into the paint.

No paint.

Yeah, I know.

I thought there was paint on it.

Let me kick your butt

So I can look cool

In front of the class.

Sure.

...running the a.v. Room today, isn't that weird?

Just cleaning up.

Girls, girls, girls!

Now, smoking is not a contact sport!