02x13 - Spirit Week/Clothes

[bunniefuu]

Ned: in a middle school full of bullies,

Insane teachers,

And gross school lunches,

Ned bigby--that's me--

And my two best friends try to do the impossible:

Create a guide that will help you survive school.

Man: ♪ turn it up

♪ Looking out

♪ I'll survive with no doubt ♪

♪ Never fear

♪ Bring it on

♪ Breaking down what's in my way ♪

♪ And I'm

♪ Finding my place in this world ♪

♪ And I'm...

Ned: "ned's declassified school survival guide."

Your results may vary.



It's spirit week at james k. Polk,

Where every day is another chance to get a little crazy...

Polk rules! Yeah!

And polk legend has it that whoever becomes

King and queen of spirit week...

Are destined to go out

And live happily ever after forever.

Another tradition is the beloved spirit stick,

Which is placed in one student's locker and must never touch the ground,

Or bad spirits will curse polk all year long.

Way to go all out for spirit week, ned.

If the thought of going nuts for spirit week freaks you out,

Then go subtle, and you won't get busted for lacking spirit.

I don't think the spirit judges are going for subtlety.

Ooh, great outfit, loomer,

If this was "lack of spirit week."

You will never win spirit king, never.

So what?

Who wants to wear that dorky spirit crown anyways?

Look at me! I'm this spirit king! Oh!

Oddly enough, I agree with loomer.

Who cares about winning king or queen?

The question here, miss crabgrass,

Is not whether you'll be spirit queen,

But who will be your king.

♪ Whoa, oh, oh

I like the way you combine vandalism and spirit.

A for the outfit

And a one-day detention

For the broken flag.

Hey, suzie. Cool outfit.

Thanks. Spirit week is a huge tradition in my family.

Both my sisters won spirit week queen, so I'm trying to keep the tradition going.

You got my vote.

"Who cares about winning spirit king or queen?"

Yeah, I know, but whoever gets named king and queen

Of spirit week always end up going out.

And now that loomer and suzie are broken up,

All I have to do is win spirit king crown, and suzie will be my queen.

Not so fast, your highness.

[Applause]

I'm feelin' it, dawg.

That was so perfect, I could cry.

There may be a king among these peasants after all.

Hey, ned. Happy spirit week.

What are you saying? Saying you're gonna win king? Is that it?

I was just saying good luck.

Oh, and, if by "good luck," you mean it's on,

Then good luck.

Ok, ned.

[Gasps]

The spirit stick.

I'm the chosen one.

I got the spirit stick.

Remember,

That wondrous piece of wood must be carried until the end of the week,

And it must never touch the ground

Or all of spirit week will be undone

And polk will be cursed, understand, cook?

Never! Bzzz! Sproing!

Never!

No problem.

Check me out! I got the spirit stick!

What up? What up?

Boo hoo! Boo hoo!

I don't want the spirit stick.

This is heavier than it looks.

Can you hold it for a minute?

No way.

Spirit stick? Spirit stick?

Spirit stick? Anyone?

Forget it, cookie. Nobody wants it. Think about it.

That stick has never touched the ground in polk history.

Let me show you on a calendar. Never!

And nobody wants to be known as the loser who cursed the school.

Oh! [All gasp]

I got it. I got it.

I got an idea.

Nice try.

What? I forgot it was pajama day.

Ok, here!

I sleep in my underwear! You happy now?

Remember, spirit week is about having fun,

So if you forgot what theme day it is, just improvise.

If it's pajama day, grab your gym clothes and make some pjs.

♪ Why'd you make it so complicated? Whoa, oh, oh ♪

If you forgot it's hat day, make one out of newspaper.

Bigby, you could be the sleeper in this competition.

"Sleeper." Get it?

But qwerly is still king on day two.

Looking good, ned. Ha ha ha!

[Baby crying]

[Whispering] shh. She's sleeping.

Mr. Monroe thought I did so well with a fake baby

He promoted me to a real one.

Want a look?

[Crying on tape]

Now the spirit stick's out of my hands and into yours.

[Gasps]

You are so not getting away with this!

Hey, moze.

So, no hard feelings about the spirit stick, right?

Right. It's all in good spirit week fun. Shake?

I made this foam decoy in woodshop today.

Tag, you're it.

Ow!

Loomer!

For all the hard work you've put into your backwards outfit,

I'm gonna give you a zero, which backwards is still zero.

It's backwards day?

Oh, now you're just being rude, mister.

Qwerly's won the last two days,

But today, he won't b*at me.

Hi, ned.

It's backwards day, and our clothes are going

In the same direction-- backwards.

Or just like every other day,

Except we wear our clothes frontwards,

But they never call it frontwards day.

Hmm. What do you think, guys?

They're the same, dawg.

They're so the same I could cry.

Not hideous, so the scores should be the same.

You both get s, which backwards is still .

Well, he didn't b*at me.

Way to go, suzie.

Another perfect score.

You are like a spirit vacuum, loomer,

Because you suck all the spirit out of the school.

What, don't like my crazy invisible hat?

Not your best work, martin, but I will say this.

It's the best one we've seen on a boy today, right?

[Imitates buzzer] wrong!

That is the best hat we've seen today.

Bigby sh**t, and he scores!

Great hat, ned. Really creative.

Oh, I see what you're doing, qwerly.

You're trying to get inside my head and mess with my mind.

But it's not gonna work! 'Cause, come tomorrow, I will be king!

Ok, ned.

Did you hear what he said? "Ok, ned."

And all you have to do is win hip hop friday tomorrow,

And the spirit king crown is yours.

Ha ha ha!

Moze, now the spirit stick is stuck on you.

You glued the stick to my hand?

And apparently mine, too.

What?

Hey, I just wanted to say that I had a great time at the mall last night.

Me, too.

Me, too.

Qwerly and I are tied for spirit points,

And you guys are still stuck together.

How did you guys, uh...[Toilet flushing]

Both: don't ask!

It's hip hop friday, and you don't look very hip.

Or hop.

I know. I've got to come up with something big

That will blow the judges away and win me the crown, but what?

[b*at-boxing]

Hey, guys. I mean, yo.

And now, your spirit week queen, suzie crabgrass!

And now, despite a lame, disappointing, pathetic effort

By most of you boys-- you know who I'm talking about--

Two students are currently tied for spirit king.

In the hizzouse...

Let's hear it for ned bigby and martin qwerly.

[Hip hop music playing]

Hi, ned.

You're one of my best friends.

But if I have to spend one more minute with you, I'm gonna scream!

I appreciate qwerly's hard-core posse.

The glue's starting to weaken.

I can feel my hands pulling away.

Now let's start pulling.

But bigby's bling and b*at are also quite impressive.

Yes! Yes!

No! No!

The spirit stick! No!

Please, can't we just end this extra-lame week?

[All cheering]

Throw the scores out the window!

For saving the spirit stick

And saving polk from a dreaded curse,

I officially proclaim...

Billy loomer spirit king!

[Cheers and applause]

And remember,

Whoever gets named king and queen of spirit week end up going out.

Always.

Not helping! [Sighs]

[Record speeding up] ♪ so complicated, whoa, oh, oh ♪

How's it going?

Nice shirt.

Thanks. Got it last night.

There's one thing I can't figure out.

The buttons go the wrong way.

Maybe it's a factory defect.

Maybe it's a leftie, but I don't care, 'cause I love it.

What are you wearing?

It's my brand-new leftie shirt. You like?

That's not a leftie shirt. That's a blouse.

A blouse, as in a girl's shirt? How do you know?

Because I'm wearing the same one in pink.

Ned: aaah!

♪ Whoa, oh, oh

Hide formation!

I don't get it.

I bought this shirt off the discount boys' rack.

Because that's where a girl left it

So she could buy it later. I do it all the time.

Just take the shirt off

And wear the t-shirt under.

I'm not wearing one.

This shirt's so cottony soft, I didn't think I needed one.

Quick! I'll hide in your sweatshirt!

Ned, it's not exactly a sweatshirt. It's called a...

A shrug.

You want to borrow my lipstick, too?

Gordy!

It's ridiculous how much time people waste

Worrying about clothes.

There's clothes for girls,

There's clothes for boys,

And what's a collar for, anyway?

Well, I've had it,

And I'm gonna do something about it.

All: yeah. Good luck with that.

How about goth?

How about not?

You know, ned, I had a similar clothing incident

When I was in middle school.

It was a little laundry mix-up.

I ended up wearing my sister's pants.

What happened?

I can't remember.

They b*at me up so bad, it's all a blank.

How about a viking?

Nothing says, "I'm not a blouse-wearing guy" like a viking!

The horn helmet! It's ready for a comeback! [Grunting]

Focus!

I need something that says, "ned bigby is not a blouse-wearer

Or a viking."

Something cool and tough...

And I think I just found it.

It's tough.

Yeah, not blousy at all.

[Siren]

Mosley, what is that you're wearing?

Those shoes with that shirt? I don't think so.

Who are you, the fashion police?

Yes, and you're in violation.

[Siren]

You're giving moze a ticket?

You, too. The fifties are over,

And you look like a janitor.

I am a janitor.

The fashion police will serve and help educate

The fashionably challenged, like you .

[Siren]

What a joke.

I'm not fashionably challenged, am i?

No! Missy has lost her mind, again!

You dress awesome. Comfy, relaxed, like a guy.

[Record scratching]

[Gasps] I dress like a guy?

Really bad use of the word "guy."

[Classical piano playing]

[Door slams]

Whoa! Ho, ho! This isn't metal shop!

I want to work with metal, not chiffon! Yeah!

Whatever. Ok.

I want you to help me make fashion history.

I'm talking the ultimate school uniform

For boys and girls,

And no leftie or rightie buttons.

You had me at "fashion history."

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Built-in cup holders?

No. Actually, I was thinking of breathable poly-cotton blend.

But, uh, cup holders are cool, man.

[Record scratching]

Hey. How do I look?

Both: uncomfortable.

Ah, the shoes kind of hurt, but I'm fashionable, right?

Not like a guy?

[Siren]we'll be the judge of that.

"Excessive use of gray?" This is ridiculous!

So is wearing a power suit to school.

"Dressing like a freak in a no-freaky dressing zone?"

Uh-huh. And, mosley...

Nice.

Ooh, goth violation.

Let's go.[Siren]

I didn't get a ticket.

I'm stylish.

Hey, what's the big idea?

Oh, bigby, hey.

There's something different about you.

I don't know what it is, but I like it.

Borrowed this jacket from the costume department,

And I just--whoa, watch where you're walking!

Sorry.

Hey, you want to hang out sometime, 'cause I could--

b*at you into a cheese stick or--

We could hit the arcade after school. Catch you later.

Look, I'm fashionable.

I don't feel like myself, I hate skirts,

But I'm fashionable.

Loomer's my best pal 'cause I'm dressed like a thug.

I never realized how powerful clothes were.

Cookie: and we're gonna need your water bottle,

Pencil, and that thing.

Heh heh! We're gonna make fashion history!

Yeah!

If you're fashionably challenged,

Don't like your clothes, or want to upgrade your wardrobe,

Check out these tips.

Clothes can be powerful,

So remember, what you wear can affect who you hang with.

Clothes can also be expensive.

But with discount stores, sale racks, and online deals,

You can shop smart and still look great.

You paid too much.

Don't snap at me. I'm you!

You look good, though.

Thanks.

Some clothes never go out of style,

Like classic jeans, button shirt,

And canvas sneakers.

♪ ...whoa, oh, oh

So try your best to avoid clothes that do go out of style,

And if you wear a viking outfit, prepare for people to avoid you.

♪ Whoa, oh, oh

And remember, no collars.

But don't you think it's a little unfair

That men can't enjoy the comfort of a skirt?

Absolutely.

And what do you think about a pouch

For quick access to snack foods?

That's genius, man!

That is pure future fashion genius right there,

But I'm gonna need more fabric.

Is everything ok, jennifer?

Yeah, I'm fine. Why?

'Cause you look trendy and generally uncomfortable.

It's this whole fashion thing.

I mean, I miss my comfy clothes,

But I don't want to be out of style.

Does that make sense?

Let me tell you something about clothes.

Uh, they're like wood?

Yes.

Wood is what we make houses out of,

Which provide us with warmth and protection.

And that's what clothes are for--warmth and protection.

What about the whole fashion thing?

I mean, you're in fashion, you're out of fashion--

Fashion is crud.

Style is what's important.

I've been wearing flannel shirts

My whole life.

I wear them to the beach. I got married in one.

It's important to me, and that's what matters.

Right, and my style is comfortable and casual.

And wood can solve your missy fashion police problem.

Right, 'cause there's all different kinds of wood.

There should be all different kinds of style.

Well, I was gonna say you could thr*aten her with it, but...

I think your idea is probably better.

Heh!

[Whimpers]

[Siren]

That outfit is so ninth-century.

Illegal use of horn helmets and it's too hairy.

[Siren]

Aaah--

I have a better way to bust missy's fashion police.

Can I use my club? No.

We're simply gonna b*at her with style.

Ah! Aha!

[School bell rings]

Mosley, fantastic!

You're joining the fashion police?

Yep, and I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ticket you

For being a sl*ve to fashion and generally annoying.

What? You're ticketing me?

So am i,

'Cause you're in violation of lack of horns.

Vikings rule!

And lack of originality.

And for being way too trendy.

And for no black anywhere.

[Sighs] forget it!

This is the last time I try to help you losers

Into the high world of fashion.

Oh!

[Siren]

Yeah!

[Sighs]

Now to get out of these fashionable

Yet totally not moze clothes.

Yeah, I need to change, too.

And we've got just the thing.

It's the future, man. Ha ha ha!

Introducing cookie and crony's ultimate unisex school uniform.

Crony: it's made of soft, breathable poly-cotton fibers

With cup holders and more, man!

Yes!

Cookie: don't be trendy.

Be a trendsetter.

Be the first to wear the future of school survival clothing.

Yeah, why not?

I might get a tip out of it.

Yeah, man!

The built-in book bag is convenient,

And who doesn't love the chicken pouch?

This man skirt's totally embarrassing, but quite comfortable.

And the built-in butt pad makes even the hardest cafeteria seat soft.

So, uh, how long are you gonna make us wear these?

Uh, we can take them off after lunch.