02x16 - Science Fair/Study Hall

[bunniefuu]

In a middle school full of bullies,

Insane teachers, and gross school lunches,

Ned bigby--that's me-- and my best friends

Try to do the impossible--

Create a guide that will help you survive school.

♪ Joining up, looking out ♪

♪ I'll survive it, no doubt ♪

♪ Never fear, bring it on ♪

♪ Break it down, what's in my way? ♪

♪ And now, I'm finding my place in this world ♪

♪ And i...

Ned's declassified school survival guide.

Your results may vary.



As you know, the science fair is tomorrow,

And everyone is required to do an experiment

Using the scientific method.

What's the scientific method again?

Let me explain the method

By applying it to you, mr. Bigby.

Observation--ned is smart but lazy.

Thus he is doing poorly in science.

[Laughter]

Hypothesis-- ned will goof around

And turn in a sloppy paper-towel experiment

At the last second.

[Laughter]

Prediction--ned's rushed and illegible experiment

Won't win any ribbon,

Which brings us to experiment,

Which is what is going to happen tomorrow

When you prove my prediction correct.

Does that answer your question, mr. Bigby?

I'm going to prove to sweeney that I rock at science fairs,

And I'm not a bad scientist.

Right now, you're more like a mad scientist.

Just do the "which paper towel is stronger" experiment.

It's simple, and it's a classic.

But that's exactly what sweeney predicted I would do.

He predicted you would do it poorly.

So just do it well.

No. I got to blow the whole school away,

Like cookie does every year.

Where is cookie? He's usually here by now

To annoy us or freak us out or make that face.

I'm sorry, simon, but my grandmother

Doesn't want me talking to you.

Why?

It may have something to do with you

Pushing her down the stairs.

She said you were a monster.

I am not a monster.

It's my science fair project.

Grandma wants me going out with a gentleman.

Emphasis on "gentle."

If I could just meet her again...

[Bell rings]

I don't know, simon. I'm sorry.

Awesome!

It's all right.

Still having a little trouble controlling it.

Blue-ribbon winner for sure.

So what? All I really want is grandma's approval

So that vanessa can hang out with me.

Invite her to the science fair.

Grandparents love that stuff,

And you'll win again,

And she'll see how smart you are.

That's a great idea!

I got to find a totally cool

Blue-ribbon science fair project.

Ooh...

[Thud]

If you need a science experiment fast,

Search on line.

There are tons of sites full of great ones.

Well, I finished the "which wood

Is the strongest?" Experiment last week.

Guess which one's the strongest.

Is it... "I don't care" wood?

Remember, you don't have to break the bank

To do a cool experiment.

Usually all you need

Is stuff found around the house or at school.

The giant fan is optional.

Ok, let's test this baby out.

[Fan whirring]

[Fan stops]

Aah!

Ha ha ha. Well, it looks like

You've gone from a bad scientist

To a mad scientist.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha!

Hey, he can't rank on you like that.

Only I can rank on you like that.

He's right. I got nothing.

The fair's not until tomorrow, and together,

We will come up with something totally amazing.

I still have nothing!

But I have the paper towel experiment for you to do.

And I've got great news.

Vanessa's bringing granny to the science fair,

Where I will prove I'm gentle, selfless,

And cute. Don't forget cute.

The only thing I'm going to prove

Is I'm a science fair loser.

Not with my maxo-skeleton experiment, you won't.

You're giving me your maxo-skeleton experiment?

I'm selfless, ned,

And I put friends first.

But you'll have to do the reading part yourself,

Or else that would be cheating.

And I'm a man who seeks fairness.

They're too big.

How am I going to demonstrate them at the fair?

Fine. Uh!

And I'll whip up the paper-towel experiment.

Winning back vanessa is way more important

Than winning the science fair.

First lunch. I'm starved.

No time lunch.

You practice being moze-bot

While I get writing and win the science fair.

[Whirring]

Hey. This is my nitrous oxide experiment.

Ok, now I'm totally starved.

I snagged you a snack from my locker.

[Whirring]

It's stuck. It can't open.

Relax. It senses tension.

[Crunch]

Ah...

And this is my "which paper towel brand

Is the strongest?" Experiment.

Did you know that

Tough towels brand is stronger than max towels?

That's the towels I use. Always have.

At least the boy isn't dumb.

I'm hungry now.

Then allow me to escort you ladies

To the bake sale for snacks.

All rightie, then.

Nice, martin.

A nitrous oxide greenhouse experiment.

Or laughing gas, as they call it at the dentist.

As you can see, with the help of robotics,

One can travel twice as fast

And twice as far as a normal human.

Well! All I can say is...

Perhaps you're not a bad

Or mad scientist after all.

You might even win a ribbon.

But final judging isn't until a while yet.

But...wow.

Bake sale's open.

You buy moze-bot something to eat.

Ooh-wee! Walnut brownies.

My favorite.

I could eat them all day.

Me, too. Isn't that funny?

Vanessa, would you wheel me over there?

I want to see which wood is the strongest.

Anything you want. My treat.

[Whirring]

Ow! My arm.

Ow! My arm! Oh! Oh!

My legs! My legs!

[Whirring stops]

If the legs get out of control,

Hit the reset button.

And do not get them wet,

Because they can short-circuit.

Those walnut brownies were delicious.

You're allergic to walnuts.

I know.

But vanessa's grandma loves them.

So I pretended to love them.

I'm hoping I outgrew my allergy.

You didn't outgrow it.

Aah!

Now grandma's going to think I'm a monster for real.

What am I going to do?

Just stay behind granny

And on the left side of vanessa

Until the end of the fair.

Right. And I'll go to the vending machines

To get some food.

No. It's almost time for judging.

Moze-bot, come.

Hey, guys, check out my static experiment.

My gorgeous blond hair stands up straight with static in it.

It's like the ultimate mousse.

Hey, can I check out lisa's experiment?

Just for a second.

Hi, jennifer.

Lisa...hi.

I was just checking out your experiment.

It's fascinating.

Tell me more about it.

I measured what room conditions

Cause bread to mold.

Mold loves the dark,

So a breadbox actually increases mold.

Fascinating. Bye.

Where'd you get the green bread?

Is everything ok, simon?

Oh, yeah. I just like to keep

Those dear to me on my right side.

I always loved to walk

On vanessa's grandfather's left side.

Ha ha ha. I have to admit,

I see a lot of him in you.

Yes! Score!

I mean...how nice.

Why aren't you wearing the leg bionics?

I think I have to go to the nurse's office.

What? But there will be no one here

To demonstrate for the judging.

If I don't leave now,

I'm going to leave an experiment all over you.

Ooh...ok.

Cookie, moze went to barf,

And I need you to get into

This maxo-skeleton for the judging.

Please.

Ladies, my friend needs my help.

I hope you understand.

A man needs to help his friends.

It shows dedication.

Simon, maybe you're not a monster after all.

We'll meet you guys over there.

Did you get this wet?

Well, I must say, I was wrong.

And it would take something pretty convincing

To not give ned bigby this year's blue ribbon.

And that would be it.

I'm out of control! Hit the reset button!

[Laughing]

He's a mad scientist. What's his experiment?

[Roaring]

[Screaming]

Out! Out! Out! Go! Double-time!

Double-time! Oh!

[Screaming continues]

Did I miss something?

One last science fair tip--

To avoid malfunctions,

There's no need to be super-ambitious

Because teachers only want to see you

Use the scientific method.

I'm going to go barf again.

And the blue ribbon goes to...

Simon's paper towel experiment

Because of its excellent use of the scientific method

And for the fact that it's

The only thing still standing.

Uh...

Besides lunch, everyone's favorite class is study hall.

It's a time to hit the books, conquer your homework,

Or contemplate the meaning of school.

So, what should we do today in study hall?

Guide, goof, or gaff?

Well, I have to wear this stupid traction device

Twice a day for minutes

Because I pinched a nerve

Wearing your stupid maxo-skeleton.

Well, I'm going to do something I've never done in study hall--

Study.

I'm sorry. We thought you were ned bigby.

Our mistake.

I've been having a lot of trouble with my tests lately.

What's the trouble?

I haven't been passing any,

And I've got a big english test next period.

So it's just going to be me, these notes,

And the calm serenity of study hall.

[Shouting and music playing loudly]

I can't study with all this noise.

Block it out. Just focus,

And the noise will go away.

Focus.

Focus.

Focus. Focus.

Quiet down.

And don't talk loudly, or I'll get my freak on.

I will, too.

Toss me a lollipop.

Grape.

Study hall is also a time to talk quietly with friends.

But not today, because nothing is going to get in the way

Of my studying in study hall.

Hey, ned. What's up?

I thought maybe we could talk.

Psst!

Vanessa?

Hey, meet me in the bathroom in minutes.

I want to talk.

But I'm in class.

Ask for the bathroom pass.

But I don't have to go to the bathroom.

Right. I won't go to the bathroom.

I'll meet you instead.

Minutes.

Ok, I can survive this.

What?

It's not like I have some kind of disease or something.

You guys can still talk to me.

Hi, jennifer.

What do you say we let some light in here?

So, what do you want to talk about?

No talking. Just pain.

Ned, are you listening to me?

Of course I am.

Then what was I just talking about?

You were wondering whether I was

Listening to you or not.

Before that.

Corn?

If you didn't want to talk, ned,

You could have just said so.

We could just talk later.

Painful tip learned.

If you've got a friend who wants to chat

And you've got to study, just tell them you'll talk later

Or find a quiet spot away from the action.

Hey, ned, what are you doing in study hall?

Studying? Isn't that weird?

Well, I guess not that weird.

Really what's weird is how flamingoes' legs are in reverse.

They walk forwards like we walk backwards.

That's weird. You know what else?

Can I have the bathroom pass?

Where are you going?

To my seat.

Then why do you need the pass?

I'm going to need to use the bathroom in minutes.

You can't hog the bathroom pass.

Another student may need it.

But it's an emergency.

Toot.

Hold that toot. This is an emergency.

Go, timmy.

Go to the bathroom, and take your time.

But he's going to be gone all period!

That's the thanks I get for saving your life?

You can have the bathroom pass

When and if he gets back.

Ok. I still have plenty of time

To study for the big test.

As long as no one else bothers me,

I can focus on my notes.

Hey, bigby, we're bored.

So give us one of your stupid tips.

If you're bored in study hall, play a game,

Like paper football or -coin soccer.

Great. So let's play.

Bigby in the middle!

Martin, grab a seat. Let's talk.

You have nothing to say?

You never stop talking. Talk to me. Come on.

Tell me what's weird, martin.

You.

You can't catch pinched nerve, people!

Cookie, talk now.

I need to get out of class to see vanessa.

And you're right under the duct entrance.

Chat more. Everybody's avoiding me

Like I'm a mad cow or something.

So, I'm going to need you

To create a teacher diversion.

Tell mr. Lowe you need to refill your water bag.

But it's not empty.

It is now.

Perfect.

Yes! Free...

Sit down, simon.

I am really, really angry now.

Hey, can I fill up my water bag or not?

Sure.

I know what you're thinking,

But she has a medical emergency,

And the one-pass- at-a-time rule

Does not apply.

No!

Wait. I have another idea.

Yes!

If you're in a loud place and need to concentrate,

Use headphones.

They also act as a great "keep away" sign.

Hey, ned, you know what else is weird?

Oh, you're busy.

I don't even have these plugged into anything.

[Music playing loudly]

Ah!

These hot cheesy puffs are aptly named.

If only I had a drink of water

To douse my burning mouth.

Ah...

Aah! I have a medical emergency!

I need to get out of class!

Cook, how dumb do you think I look?

Fire! I'm on fire again!

Another way to create some privacy in study hall

Is the classic book barrier.

It separates you from the craziness.

Most of the time.

Cookie, I have to study these notes

For a big test next period!

That's a great story,

But I need you to help me sneak past lowe.

No. I'm studying,

And all the crying and begging in the world

Won't change my mind.

Please! Please! Please!

I'm supposed to meet vanessa in minutes!

Please!

Please! I need to meet vanessa in minutes!

Ok, I'll help.

Mr. Lowe is blind without his glasses.

Get them off, and you can do anything.

Right.

So you get mr. Lowe to take off his glasses,

And I'll sneak out.

Mr. Lowe.

I'm glad you stopped by, ned.

I've been meaning to talk to you.

I hear you write a guide that helps people.

Believe it or not, I need help.

It all started when I was years old...

[Coughs]

Minutes.

When I lost my beloved captain clucky.

Mr. Lowe, do you want to get rid of all your problems?

Lose the glasses and get yourself some contacts.

It's a new you.

I know I look amazing without my glasses,

But I can't see too good without them.

Where do you think you're going, cook?

Aw, come on! How'd you know?

My eyes are so bad,

I have an overdeveloped sense of hearing.

Thanks for your help, ned.

I'm going to give you an "a" for this.

But this is study hall. We don't get grades.

I give grades... Right up here.

Now, is there anything I can do for you?

Actually, I have a big test next period,

And I really need to study.

Say no more, ned. Sit at my desk.

No one will bother you up here.

I'm supposed to meet vanessa.

Cookie, please, talk to me.

If I don't talk to somebody in study hall,

I'm going to jump out a window.

That's a great idea. Thanks.

I'll jump out the window and meet vanessa.

This desk is perfect.

I can actually focus on my studying.

I'm so going to ace that english test.

Talk to me!

Cookie, you're stuck on the bag!

You are stuck on my water bag. Let go!

So, one last big study hall tip--

If you're looking for some peace and quiet,

Ask to go to the library.

No one will bother you, and it's safer.

Ow!

Well, at least nobody

Will bother you in study hall now.

But my test was yesterday! Ow!

[Shouting]

It's my science fair project.

Everyone's favorite class is study hall.

It's a time to check out your books, blah, blah, blah.

Nothing is going to get in the way

Of my studying in study hall.

[Both laughing]

Study hall is also a time to talk quietly with friends.

I see it. I have spittle on the lens.