02x20 - Double Dating/Last Day of School

[bunniefuu]

Ned: in a middle school full of bullies..

Insane teachers...

Aah!

And gross school lunches,

Ned bigby--that's me--

And my two best friends try to do the impossible--

Create a guide that will help

You survive school.

[Bell ringing]

Man: ♪ coming up

♪ Looking out

♪ I'll survive it no doubt

♪ Never fear

♪ Bring it on

♪ Breaking down what's in my way ♪

♪ And I'm

♪ Escaped detention and a bunch of bullies tried to stop me ♪

♪ Finding my place in this world ♪

♪ And i...

Ned: "ned's declassified school survival guide."

Your results may vary.



Man on p.a.: And don't forget,

Tonight is around the world night.

If you haven't asked that special someone yet,

Get some guts and do it now!

Just ask her.

There's gonna be food, dancing,

And every room in the school

Is decorated like a different country.

But I can't take another rejection.

If only there was a way to date

Without the normal pressures of a date,

But was still a date.

Like a double date.

It's more like friends hanging out,

But still a date.

If you want to date without all the scary datey pressure,

Make it a double date with friends.

Hey, suzie.

Moze has a date to around the world

And didn't want to go alone,

So we thought it'd be fun to get together

And make it a double date.

You know, less pressure.

Sounds like fun. I'm in.

There's only one problem--

I don't have a date for the double date.

Right.

Man: ♪ whoa, whoa, whoa

Hey, you're gonna be moze's date tonight.

[Sigh]

Sorry. I know she's very attracted to me, but...

I'm asking vanessa to around the world.

Then I guess she'll go with me.

Both: she will?

I did a really bad thing once

And hurt jennifer's feelings,

And I'm really sorry,

And I'll do anything to prove it.

I like her, and I'm not using her

To make someone else jealous.

He's telling the truth.

Do you have any feelings

For your former girlfriend amy cassidy?

No.

He's telling the truth.

Have you ever... Pooped yourself?

No.

All: liar!

Ok. I got the runs once

After eating some bad roast beef.

So will you go with me or not?

All: yes.

All right,

Then the double date is on.

And now it's time for me

To get a date.

I'm sorry, simon, but every time I say "yes" to a date,

Something goes crazy.

We should remain friends.

But tomorrow's the last day of school,

And we might never see each other again.

You're being a bit dramatic.

No. This is dramatic.

Please! I'll die if you

Don't come to around the world night with me.

Tell my mom I love her.

I'll see you in math.

Simon cooke?

Claire sawyer, future lawyer.

I represent lisa zemo.

Lisa wants to offer you a non-committal date

For around the world night.

In exchange for a yes,

You'll receive this beautiful handmade sweater

And a cd of her favorite computer macros.

Yet at the same time,

You are in no obligation to call her

Or can she refer to you as her "boyfriend."

And if things don't work out,

I get to keep the sweater and the macros?

Ok. I'll go.

Great. I'll see you tonight, simon.

How sweet. You're taking lisa.

Vanessa: ok. You were right and really funny,

So I'd love to go to around the world night.

[Bell rings]

I'll meet you there at :.

Yes!

No.

Just so you know,

Double dating doesn't mean you bring two dates.

What am I gonna do?

Vanessa's my dream girl,

But I don't want to hurt lisa's feelings.

Ned and jennifer: you'll think of something.

My stomach feels really weird.

It's your first date with suzie.

You're nervous.

Just remain calm, avoid spicy food,

And stay close to me in case jock goes jerk again.

Hey, you look great...

And just like moze.

I always knew you had great taste.

This really is a double date, huh? Heh heh.

Ha.

All right. Let's hit china.

I hear that's where the food is.

Wow.

It's like we're really in china.

And let's sit facing the window

And away from the door like they do in china

To ward off room spirits.

Now wait here. I'll get the food.

Now you girls sit tight.

While we get you some food.

This double date is really fun.

Yeah, until ned tries to kiss you again, right?

Actually, tonight, I might let him.

Hey. There you are.

What do you say we hit paris

And not china?

So then I run out of school

Wearing only a pink elephant.

[Laughing]

The great thing about dating with friends

Is you never hit those awkward silent patches.

The talking never seems to stop.

Hey, let's hit brazil for some music and dancing and...

[Stomach growling]

I'll meet you guys there.

Oh!

[Girl screams]

Ned: oh, come on!

Ahhhh!

[Toilet flushes]

Paris is so romantic.

And cold.

[Shudders]

I'm gonna go to my locker and grab a jacket.

Stay.

The food line was so long.

Still, I'm having a wonderful time.

And I forgot the soy sauce.

Where's your jacket?

My what? Oh.

I ran so fast, I heated up and didn't need it.

Ha ha.

Uhh!

Ned's been gone a really long time.

Careful, or I'll start to think you're dating me

To get ned jealous.

I got to go.

I got a bad problem.

You're too nervous to kiss suzie bad,

Or doo-doos in the pants bad?

It's more like doo-doos.

Actually, it is doo-doos.

I told you to stay away from spicy food.

Goes right through you.

Remember that time your mom made mexican

And you spent the whole night on--

Not helping.

Keep your legs crossed.

Don't let anything get you nervous.

Oh, and suzie wants you to kiss her tonight.

[Glass breaks]

Hey, ned. I've been waiting for you.

No!

You're gonna have to wait a little longer.

Ok. If somehow we get separated,

We should meet up in brazil for some dancing.

Oh! Hey, what's that?

Vanessa: hey. There you are.

Let's go dancing.

No. Let's take a walk outside.

Doesn't that sound nice? It's nice.

No. I'm going dancing.

[Siren]

Ohhhh!

Hey! Oh.

Sorry. I thought you were jennifer,

Who I can't seem to find.

Or ned.

So, do you think it's weird

That ned and jennifer are class couple?

Oh. They said it was just an accident.

They're just great friends.

Before we dance, let's hydrate.

Oops. I missed.

Got to go get cleaned up.

Do not go in there.

I'm dead.

How am I gonna dance with vanessa and lisa

At the same time?

Wait for a merengue song,

Keep spinning, and hope for the best.

Ned: where's suzie?

She's with jock.

No! She's supposed to be with me. To kiss!

Ohhhh!

That's it! I'm calling for help.

[Dialing]

[Fart]

Are you dancing with the both of us?

You're on a date with me.

No. He's on a date with me.

Here's a funny story.

Here's another one-- bye.

I asked vanessa before you asked me, but she said no,

And then she said yes after I said yes to you and--

It's ok. I was a no-obligation date, remember?

Thanks for coming.

Yeah. Don't sweat it. It's my job.

Is he gonna be ok?

Ned: ohhhh! You go dance.

I'll take care of poop boy.

Do you want to dance?

No.

Nice sweater, though.

Well, can I dance next to you?

Bet you're a really great dancer.

I am pretty good.

I feel great!

[Glass breaks]

Trust me. It'll take an earthquake

To blow through the liquid cork I gave you.

Now to give suzie that kiss

And have the best night of my life.

Wipe your mouth first.

Oh.

Suzie.

Oh!

Suzie's on the dance floor.

So you were just using me to get ned jealous.

Well, I guess I deserve it.

Good-bye, jennifer.

Suzie: hey, guys. Is everything ok?

Oh!

Ned: it's the sweetest,

Most wonderful hassle-free day of school.

♪ It's a day we all love ♪

♪ Silly willy booga bah shiggidy bang bang ♪

♪ It's everybody's

♪ Ooh, silly willy booga bah shiggidy favorite ♪

Ned: a day students and teachers

Look forward to all year.

It's the last day of school.

♪ The last day of school

♪ It's the last day of school ♪

Unless last night, you accidentally kissed your best friend

Instead of the girl of your dreams,

And you're afraid the last day of school

Might also be the last day of your life.

♪ Come on, come on, come on, come on ♪

♪ Come on, come on, come on

♪ Last day of school

It's the last day of school!

Yeah!

Man: ♪ whoa, whoa, whoa

Now remember,

The last day of school is also the last day to:

Pick up and take home your school art or science projects.

If you don't, you'll never see them again.

Make sure to clean out your locker

Because if you don't take your stuff home,

It will get donated.

It's not the end of the day yet.

And remember, the last day of school

Is also your last chance to get your yearbook signed.

Ha ha ha!

Most important, don't let suzie and moze talking to you

Figure the kiss thing out.

No time to talk. Get rid of moze.

Come on. Dance the last day dance with me.

Suzie! Hi.

Hey, ned. I had a great time last night,

Considering what happened.

You know?

Yeah. Moze told me.

I'm so sorry. It was an accident.

I really didn't mean to.

Ned. It's ok. Don't worry about it.

Everyone gets the runs.

The runs? That's what moze told you?

Yeah.

That's what you were talking about.

Yeah. What'd you think I was talking about?

Nothing. Just that.

Doo-doos in the pants. Ha ha ha!

I'll see you later.

[Crashing]

[Squeaking]

Weasel problems?

Oh, yeah! But that's it.

This is also the weasel's last day in school!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ned, ned, ned.

You finally get a date with the girl of your dreams,

And you kiss moze?

I know. I know.

But if suzie finds out,

She'll never talk to me again.

But you have a plan.

Oh, yeah...

But first I got to return this to wood shop.

[Glass breaks]

Let me get this straight.

You're tad bigby, ned's evil twin from iceland,

And it was you at the dance last night, not ned?

[Thick accent] brilliant, no?

No.

It's the most ridiculous idea

You've ever come up with.

No, no. Wait. Cheese pants was your worst,

But this is a close second.

Well, I'm a little freaked out

About the whole suzie thing,

And I can't think straight.

Don't you think it'd kind of weird

We haven't talked about it?

Talked about what?

The thing... Where our lips touched.

Shh!

It was a complete accident, right?

Of course. Totally accidental.

Then, as her future boyfriend,

You should tell her what happened.

Girls like honesty.

Then as her best friend,

You should be honest and tell her what happened.

So it's agreed. We say nothing.

Exactly. We pretend nothing happened and stay calm.

Hey, guys.

Aah! Aah!

Grrrr!

Cookie, you must have some crazy cookie device

That will help me destroy that weasel.

Aha! Ha ha ha! Yeah!

I'll shock him with the wigmaster helmet.

Aah!

Oh!

Ooh! What's this?

Say hello to the tunnelbot.

It helped me dig the secret tunnel system

And got me an "a" in science.

Ha ha ha. And it will help me stop that weasel!

[Tires screech]

Hey!

Come back here, you dangerous, cowardly robot!

[Alarm blaring]

Well, I'll just do it the old-fashioned way--

With my fists!

Ha ha! Aah!

[Squeaking]

[Screaming]

Are you guys ok?

Both: fine. Couldn't be better.

Kisses?

What?

We both brought some kisses. Have one.

You took a kiss from moze, not me.

It was an accident, ok?

A total mistake.

I don't even like moze's kisses.

I wanted yours.

What? Hey.

My kisses are just as good as her kisses.

But I didn't want your kiss.

Oh, really? But you took it anyway, didn't you?

Guys!

It's a piece of chocolate.

Right. Chocolate.

Chocolate. Hey, chocolate.

[Both mumbling]

Man: ow! Somebody!

My foot's on the p.a. Button, isn't it?

Aah!

[Robot buzzing]

Cooke. I should've known this evil robot

Belonged to you.

Now get my helmet back,

Or you're fired.

But first, help me down.

I'm scared.

Mr. Chopsaw?

I'm submitting photos of your locker

To "wood shop" magazine.

With any luck, this could be the new cover.

Yeah. That's great.

Hey, what's the matter, jennifer?

You look like a dry, rotted x.

Well...let's say a piece of balsa

Was supposed to be attached

To a piece of spruce,

But the balsa wood accidentally kissed an oak.

Should the balsa wood and the oak tell the spruce?

Well, that's a problem because...

Well, you see, trees don't talk.

Ned kissed me instead of suzie crabgrass,

Who he was supposed to be on a date with.

Oh. Ok.

Well, uh, then the oak should tell the spruce the truth

Because if the spruce finds out what happened

And that the oak didn't tell it,

Then the oak and the spruce

Can never be friends again.

You're right, mr. Chopsaw.

Thanks. Great...

'Cause I have no idea what I just said.

Ha ha.

All right, sweetheart. Give me some happy.

Oh! What is that stuff?

Musk. One whiff of this,

And that weasel will be all over me like I'm his best friend.

Hee hee hee!

But that's a chipmunk costume.

Yeah, I'm kind of hoping he won't notice the difference.

So should I tell suzie about the kiss?

Definitely,

'Cause if she hears it from somebody else,

The relationship is over.

But if you tell her, that sort of diffuses it,

And everything is smooth with suzie.

You're right. Thanks, gordy.

Yeah.

Ha ha. Weasel. Oh. Weasel? Oh!

Both: I have to tell suzie the truth.

No. I want to tell her.

No! I want to tell her!

Grrr! Grrr!

Suzie! Suzie!

Ooh! Ooh!

[Mumbling]

Are you guys trying to tell me that you kissed

At last night's dance?

You knew? You knew?

Jock told me.

Anyways, I was trying to see

If you would make a trustworthy boyfriend

And if you would make a trustworthy friend.

You passed.

We should have told you right away.

The kiss was an accident.

I totally believe you.

I'll call you tonight and I'll see you tomorrow.

Whew. So you ready to start enjoying

The last day of school?

Definitely.

Aah! Aah!

[Screaming]

Aah!

Heh heh heh heh.

Come, mr. Weasel.

Come. Join your friend the squirrel

For a tasty bowl of gordy's got-ya chow!

Ha ha ha!

[Squeaking]

Ooh.

[Squeaking]

[Squeaking]

Ha ha ha ha! Yes!

Finally!

I finally caught the weasel!

Ha ha ha!

All: gordy!

Hey, guys. How's it going?

I'm gonna hate myself for this.

Aah!

Weasel! Free yourself!

Run!

Run. Go that way.

Aah!

Aah!

Uhh...

I'm all right.

I believe this belongs to you.

Oh! Muah!

I'm all right!

[Bell rings]

Summer's here! Yeah!

Yeah!

I'm still all right! Ha ha ha!

[Cheering]

I can't believe we let one crazy kiss

Ruin our whole last day.

I know. It was totally accidental,

And I didn't feel a thing.

Me, neither.

Like kissing a wall.

A wall that didn't know how to kiss.

We could do it again, and it wouldn't mean a thing.

I couldn't agree more.

See? Nothing.

Yep. Didn't feel a thing.

I can't wait till next year.

It's the eighth grade,

And who knows what could happen?

Man: ♪ why'd you make it so complicated? ♪

[Horn honks]

Yeah!

Yeah!

♪ Why'd you make it so complicated? ♪

Nothing.

Nothing. Ha ha.

Or something similar to that.

Then the spruce and the oak

Will never be friends again.

You're right, mr. Chopsaw.

Thank you.

Oh, now don't mention it.

I don't know what I just said.

[Laughter]

That's a print.