03x15 - Them's Fightin' Words!

[bunniefuu]

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♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪ Ben ! ♪

♪♪ Ugh. What a whole lot of nothing.

Why'd we come here again?

Corn. They make corn out here

like city folk can only dream of.

[ Southern accent ] Well, look who just rolled up with their fancy car

and clean sneakers.

Uhh...who? Us.

Hmph, I'm just teasing.

We don't get many city folk 'round here.

I'm Cornflower McJoy, and y'all must be here for the corn.

So, we're city folk?

'Cause I feel like no one told me that.

Y'all are in luck today. We are?

The McJoy family makes the best corn in Tennessee.

You do?

And this is a very big day for corn.

It is?!

Yep. We're having a world-class corn cookout

to celebrate our annual battle reenactment.

Finally, some action on this trip!

Finally? You've fought zombie clowns,

overgrown cockroaches, and that's just this week alone.

Shh! Where's your mouth?

Gwen, I can't daydream when you're talking like that!

Okay, here we go.

This is gonna be my best one yet.

Four Arms? Yeah that's good.

Eight arms? Ooh, that's even better.

And then they have a cool historical battle,

just like the re-enactors.

Uhh, I don't think I know enough about cool historical battles

to have this fantasy sequence.

Wait. What are you doing?

Don't study about it! Ugh.

How'd it go?

That was my worst one yet.

Well, let's watch the pros. Maybe you'll get some ideas.

[ Both grunting ]

Aah!

[ Southern accent ] Well, well, well!

Looks like you brought a corncob to a cornstalk fight.

[ Southern accent ] Please! I have a wife, children,

and acres of corn!

You know what they say.

All's fair in love and corn!

Tell my wife to tell my corn I loved it!

Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew-pew!

What? Yeah.

I've never seen a reenactment quite like this before.

I wonder what battle they're commemorating?

What's there to fight about out here in nowheresville anyway?

Together: Corn!

[ Southern accent ] Perhaps I can offer a kernel of truth.

I'm Cornelius Hartfield PhD, the town historian.

You see, corn has been our main export since .

Corn on the cob, cornbread, corn fritters, corn chowder

and a cornucopia of other fine products

make up the cornerstone of our e-corn-omy.

That's why it was such an affront

to my corn farmer ancestors

when the McJoy's stole their corn flute.

It was a family heirloom

made from the stalk of the first harvest.

Resulting in a battle between the two families

that we continue to reenact to this day.

Hogwash! The Hartfield's are the ones

who stole from the McJoy's, and you know it!

Y'all can read all about it on my blog.

Your blog is a joke!

My blog is a place of serious research!

Is this a photo of you in an outfit

made entirely of corn dogs?

It's also a fashion blog.

I have diverse interests

that all happen to be corn-adjacent.

This is exactly the kind of foolishness

that makes you impossible to take seriously.

That corn flute belonged to us!

[ All arguing ]

I wonder who's right, the Hartfields or the McJoys?

All because of this missing corn flute. Huh.

I wonder where it is now?

So, this is the source of the great power I detected.

Though I never expected it to lead me

to such humble surroundings.

Hardly a place befitting a sorcerer as powerful as I.

But there seems to be a hidden side to this place.

The facts are on my side!

You got no right to accuse my family of stealing that flute!

[ All arguing ]

So, this very artifact sparked a w*r,

and its powers only grow now that the conflict is re-ignited.

If these fools only knew the force of their hatred.

With that force and my magic, the ghost of this w*r

may give rise to the ghosts of its army!

[ Flute playing ]

Whoa. What was that?

[ Moaning ]

[ All screaming ]

Both: [ Gasps ] Ghosts!

Wait. Why are the ghosts coming straight out of the cornfield?

Richest soil around. Best corn around.

Both: Ugh!

What? It's good corn.

[ All scream ]

I always knew you were loud enough to wake the dead!

Just like a Hartfield to accuse without the facts!

They're still fighting?

[ Laughs evilly ]

Yes, more and more shall rise and create my army!

It's Hex. I should've known.

Gwen, get everyone to safety.

This way! Into that old farmhouse!

That place is falling apart, we can't go in there!

Take a risk for once! It's an emergency!

Man, those guys really won't cool it.

And I'm about to heat it up even more.

♪♪

All right, Hex, let's make this quick.

[ Groaning ] Aah!

Ha! Looks like you ghosts are toast. Huh?

Aah!

Every time I hit 'em, they come right back!

Precisely why they're the ultimate army.

With their powers of possession and regeneration,

I'll be unstoppable in this town

and then the world!

[ Flute playing ] He's controlling them with that flute.

I got to take out the source.

Huh?

Ha! Nice try, Hex.

Where'd he go?

Getting confused? You wish!

[ Clang! ]

Ugh. Huh?

sh**t! Lost him again!

Ugh! Hey!

Aah!

[ Ghosts moaning ]

Time to make a fire escape.

Huu...aah!

Wherever you are Hex, your corn is cooked.

[ Popping ]

Uhh, make that popped.

Aaah!

Hello?

Oh, hey, Ben.

Did you figure out how Hex is controlling these ghosts?

He was using some kind of magic flute.

Well, if you happen upon that flute again,

return it to the proper owners,

the Hartfields.

Uh, I thought that was the McJoy's?

Nonsense! The Hartfields have been

depicted with it for generations.

Probably 'cause they stole it!

We got pictures with the flute, too!

I don't see any. It's on my blog!

Yeesh, I need some breathing room.

Aah!

Wait a minute. This letter -- something about the flute.

[ Gasps ] An engagement?

This could change everything!

Gwen, now's not the time for reading.

But, Ben -- It's time for action.

All right, listen up!

The odds are against us, but I have a plan.

Seeing as how we ain't got any other option... [ Sighs ]

...I'm gonna rile you up like a herd of angry bulls,

and we're gonna show Hex you're small, but mighty

and prove you're the cream of the corn crop!

We'll cream 'em up like, uh, corn.

Cornflower: You used cream corn twice!

Got anything else?

I've got big muscles!

[ Cheering ]

Years of fighting and this is what brings them together?

I threw logic out the window the moment a sorcerer

used a flute to summon a ghost army from a cornfield.

[ Laughs ]

[ Ghosts moan ]

No, this can't be! What is going on?

[ All shouting ]

How inconvenient.

All right, battle buds, go get those ghosts!

There is your enemy. att*ck!

[ Grunts ]

Aah!

Looks like you could use a...break!

Aah!

You take care of that flute, Ben.

Yes, consume their fear to fuel your power.

Yo, wizard clown!

Plant your feet on the ground

before I plant my fist in your face.

Interesting proposition, but I'll have to decline.

Ah, the classic game of cat and mouse.

But who is the cat? And who is the mouse?

Duh. Have you seen a cat before?

[ Laughs ]

[ Grunts ]

Eat some of this, mouse.

Perhaps my ghost army could use some cat muscle.

Hows about I use my Rath muscles

to take you down?

[ Both grunting ]

Gotcha! My robes!

I must channel all the power this flute contains.

[ Flute playing ]

[ Ghosts moaning ]

What now? They keep reforming!

Throw warm water on them. Maybe they'll dissolve.

Do they look like cotton candy to you?!

You got anything better?

Cut it out!

Your fighting is only making them stronger.

I've finally done it! Tennyson is defeated.

Now with him out of the way,

my army will be untouchable.

My reign of terror --

[ Grunts ]

Who dares pull the sacred robes of your new world leader?!

Aah!

Gwen! Help me out before I'm mulch!

♪♪

One of these has to stop the combine.

[ Grunts ]

[ Engined stops ]

Hey! Listen up!

The flute you've been fighting over is right here.

[ All gasp ] And nobody stole anything.

Molly McJoy married a Hartfield and was given the flute.

It says so in this love letter that she wrote.

[ Ghosts gasp ]

Huh? [ Gasps ]

Now I think it's time to allow these spirits

and this feud to be put to rest.

Don't you agree?

Aw, shucks. I'm awful sorry about all this.

Perhaps we could share the flute.

I apologize, and I agree to that, friend.

[ Sighs contentedly ]

[ All sigh contentedly ]

You may have won this time, Tennyson,

but next time you won't be so lucky!

So, now where does that leave us?

Well, if you don't have any ideas,

I could cook something up.

Now don't forget -- five more seconds,

then a perfect turn.

Hah, got it.

That's great of them to teach Grandpa their corn secrets.

Better that then teaching Grandpa more corn puns.

They were getting really corny.

Ohh!

I'm gonna go wait in the Rust Bucket.

[ Laughs ]

♪♪♪♪

I've got big muscles!