03x05 - Halloween/Vampires, Ghosts, Werewolves, and Zombies

[bunniefuu]

Ned: in a middle school full of bullies,

Insane teachers,

And gross school lunches,

Ned bigby--that's me--

And my two best friends try to do the impossible:

Create a guide that will help you survive school.

Man: ♪ turn it up

♪ Looking out

♪ I'll survive with no doubt ♪

♪ Never fear

♪ Bring it on

♪ Breaking down what's in my way ♪

♪ And I'm

♪ Finding my place in this world ♪

♪ And I'm...

Ned: "ned's declassified school survival guide."

Your results may vary.





It's halloween, which means it's time

To get dressed up and ready to party.

Unless you go to polk, where there is no party

Because nobody had the guts to organize it.

Because it's too much work.

So why bother dressing up if there's no party?

Well, I love halloween--

The candy, the costumes...

The candy.

Stuff we did in third grade.

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aahhh...

Not scared, eh, boys?

Well, how about this?

Since I still wield some power around here,

I'm putting the three of you in charge

Of this year's halloween party.

Aah! Aah! Aah!

How are we gonna put together a party in hours?

I've got a plan.

It's a map of highly concentrated candy houses

We're gonna hit tonight.

We'll bring in pounds each easy.

We're not going trick or treating this year.

We're in phase two of halloweenerism.

It's totally different now.

Phase hallow-whaty-ism?

When it comes to halloween,

Be prepared to go through three phases.

[Doorbell rings]

Phase one is the tastiest.

Trick or treat!

Costumes are fun and pretty,

And the night is all about the candy.

Phase two happens a little later.

Trick or treat!

Tricks are more important than treats

And the costumes get a little scary.

Phase three-- around and up--

Is where halloween parties start and getting candy stops.

The candy is gonna stop?

Yeah.

Nooo!

Disembodied voice: plan the party now.

And make it scary.

And oh...ohhh...

Ohhh...

I want a scary party.

Yeah! Yeah!

Ok, we need someone who can get us access

To all the supplies and food we need.

And someone really scary.

[In unison] you want us to work together?

Yeah, that's right.

I hate him. I hate him.

I call it the haunted hallway.

Comes complete with the -d ghoulie graveyard,

C.g.i. Night terrors--

All designed to scare the people at this school to death.

If I'm a phase two halloweener now,

I'm going all-out.

Ok, I'm in. Me, too.

But I'm not cleaning up any doo-doos in the pants.

Ok, let's do this.

All: and...boo!

♪ I was walking down the halls of the school at night ♪

♪ When out popped a monster, it gave me a fright ♪

♪ Just as I was about to turn and run ♪

♪ He said, "stick around and we'll have some fun" ♪

♪ We'll do the bash

♪ We'll have a scary bash ♪

♪ It was a bash

Man, I love that song.

Oh, that is one great sign.

Let's split up. We'll work on getting the gym ready for the party.

And we'll get to work on the haunted hallway.

And we should get some super scary costumes.

Moze: nice job. And nice costume.

Bummed it off a sixth grader.

Nice, uh...sheet.

And you're dog boy.

Nope. Werewolfie.

Awooo!

Scary, right?

Rawrrr!

Awrrr!

All done. And all it took was the school's entire art budget.

Ooh.

Mind if I give it a whirl?

I love a good scare.

We've got to warn you it's pretty scary in there.

I think I know what I can handle, young lady.

But, uh... [Snaps fingers]

I am allergic to strobe lights.

[Laughing]

[Screams]

Oh, that's not good.

He's not moving.

Yeah, he's not breathing either.

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

You got to do something.

Call! Make call now!

Both: my phone, it's dead!

Ok, nobody freak out.

We can't let anyone see pal.

Something like this could bring flashbacks and nightmares

And scar a student for life.

Like that.

[Bell rings]

You kids get to class.

We'll put pal in his office, then call the paramedics.

Right. Just remain calm. Act like everything is normal.

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

What's with you three? You look like someone d*ed.

Aaah!

Everything's normal. No dead here.

There's nothing dead. Dead.

I miss candy.

The cart is a nice touch.

Yeah. I'll go first.

No, I'll go first. I'm buffer.

Look, this is no time...

Just remain calm and stay cool.

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Why are you screaming?

Uh, we're just upset

We can't see the wonderful things you wrote on the board.

Oh. Well, if you look here,

You can see what I was trying to put down...

Moze, watch the hall.

Make sure no one's coming.

I can't see in this thing.

Phase one halloween has no dead.

No dead anywhere in phase one.

Help me prop him up.

Principal pal, have you seen ned bigby and friends?

Now we are dead.

Uh, no.

But I've got a cold, so go away. Bye.

Help me. He's heavy.

[Bell rings]

[Hisses]

[Screaming]

Man, I can't believe you lost a dead guy.

Dead guy! Aah! Aah!

Let's go that way. Yeah.

Word's probably all over the school

That we've been caught carrying a dead guy.

Then we'll just have to show everyone pal's still alive.

How?

I have no idea.

I do. And all we need is a stick and some rope

And pal will walk right into his office

In front of everyone.

Oh, pal, you're so funny.

And so alive.

Man, I'm happy he's not dead.

What a relief.

Ok, now, let's get our story straight.

The haunted hallway was cook's idea, right?

Pal's voice over p.a.: You disturbed my spirit,

And I want to party.

Paaarty....

Boo!

[Screaming]

You boys were hard to scare,

But I got you good.

Gooood.

But you had no heartbeat.

Chest plate.

You had no pulse.

I have no pulse.

Ohh.

Why didn't you tell us earlier?

I was having too much fun.

You should have seen the look on your faces.

I have to change my pants.

Me, too. Me, too. Me, too.

Now, what do you say we have a kickin' halloween party?

Ned: halloween--it's awesome, scary, freaky, and fun.

So don't miss out.

[Chomp]

And if your school isn't big on the parties,

Get involved and talk to your principal about organizing one.

And don't forget to make your own haunted hallway.

I think I just saw myself being born.

Come on. It's a great halloween party.

Oh, I'm good.

I just miss our phase one halloweenie candy days.

That's all.

Ned: and remember, even if you are a phase two

Or phase three halloweenie,

There's nothing that says you can't go back to phase one

And get some free candy.

Trick or treat!

[Bell rings]

Are you ok?

Oh. Just cramming for my b.a.t.s.

Now watch me turn into a bat.

[Baa]

Goats are kind of scary, too.

Count bigby.

[Baa]

Perhaps you forgot that in today's test

You are to turn into a bat

And fly through an obstacle course,

Not a goat.

And let me remind you

You need an "a" on today's test

Or you will go to summer ghoul.

Ha ha ha ha!

Aaah!

Quiet or you'll wake the dead.

[Moaning]

Hi, guys.

You're gonna pull something.

Come on. It's the b.a.t.s.

How hard can they be?

Oh, yeah. You try changing into a bat,

Flying through an obstacle course,

Then change back.

Well, being a vampire must really bite.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. It does bite.

I have to sleep in a coffin, I've never had fun in the sun,

And I can't see myself in a mirror.

You're not missing much.

Well, at least you can change when you want.

I have to wait for a full moon, which is weeks away.

Speaking of freaks, loomerstein is looking for you.

Oh! Me? Why me?

How should I know? Who knows what he's saying half the time?

Rawwrr!

[Growling]

I think he's saying he wants a cup of soup.

No, I'm pretty sure he wants to rip your nose off.

Either way, I'd run.

Rawwrr!

Shouldn't you be cramming for the b.a.t.s?

Yeah. But I need my strength first.

And I need to do this.

Whaa! Yeah.

Oh, I'll never get tired of that.

[Cookie screams]

Rawwrr!

Man, I got to find a new friend that's a ghost,

But, of course, I'm the only ghost in this school.

If you're the only ghost in school and need a friend,

Grab a zombie-- who's half dead anyways--

And finish the job.

You're right. Thanks.

Begow!

Ok. It's time to get batty.

I meant bat, not bunny.

I'm so gonna flunk. I need a carrot.

Still not a bat, but alphabetically, you're closer.

Vampire weasel!

Ah, crubbs. Some idiot vampire bit the weasel

And now it's terrorizing the school.

Sorry.

You?! Thanks a lot, count dorkula.

You know how hard it is to catch a vampire weasel

When you're a zombie?

Ah, crubbs.

Well, do you know how hard it is to pass sweeney's b.a.t.s?

Especially when I can't change into a...bat.

Aah!

I told you to catch that vampire weasel.

It's causing chaos.

[Kids screaming]

See? And I don't want that thing

Anywhere near carl.

He's the best. Perfectly trained. He flies through hoops.

Ooh. He also plays dead.

Ok, carl. Die.

Ok. I'm gonna take carl back to my office

And put him in his cage and then leave him all alone

While I go to the creatures lounge later.

Oh.

Ok, time to find a book on how to waste a zombie.

Quiet. Hiding.

Why are you scared? You're a werewolf.

You can waste loomerstein.

Sure. When the moon is full.

But right now, I'm only half a werewolf.

A werewoo.

Try looking at a full moon. Look online or in some books.

Hey, that might work.

At the very least, it'll give you some hope.

Rawwrr!

Haven't seen him.

Oh! Jennifer...

He's the lamp.

Rawwrr!

Begow!

Ok, so you lower me down to crubbs' office

So I can swipe carl.

Then in vampire class when it's my turn to fly,

I'll transform behind the desk.

Ah, but you don't transform.

Instead, you release carl

And he takes the flight test for you.

And I'll get an "a" and no summer ghoul.

It's the perfect plan.

[Squeaks]

I got it.

Ew!

Carl!

Wait. Carl. Carl.

Wait. Easy. No.

What's plan "b"?

Try studying.

Hey, lisa. Want to become a ghost? It's tons of fun.

I don't know. What do I have to do?

Die.

I think I'll pass.

How about suzie?

I think you guys would be great friends.

I'll take that as a yes.

Time for plan "b."

I can do this. I'm studying.

I can do this.

I did it! I'm a bat!

I'm flying!

Yes! Oh--ugh!

Very good, count bigby.

Now all you have to do is learn how to fly.

Ha ha ha ha!

That's it, bigby. I know you had something to do with this,

And now I'm gonna teach you a lesson

With those pokey doll things that you poke

That make people hurt.

Ohh!

No fair! I don't have a doll.

Easy, crubbs. I'm unarmed.

Now I do.

Aren't...you...

A little...old...

To...play...

With...dolls?

Timeout.

This game has no winner.

What do you say you and I call a truce,

Put the dolls aside, and I give you detention?

Ok.

Just put them down. Yeah.

No one gets hurt. You walk away.

Ready?

Ahhh! Ahhh!

Come on, boy, you can do it.

Coming through!

Darn. Oh!

Ow! Oh.

You missed.

I know that.

What are you staring at?

I booby-trapped locker with snakes, tarantulas,

And wild black cats.

So when suzie opens it, she gets a surprise

And I get a new ghost friend.

Yeah. But suzie's number .

Who has ?

[Cat screeches]

[Scream]

Hey, can you believe it? I'm a ghost.

I just opened my locker and surprise.

They should really spray this place.

Hey, I guess as the only ghosts in school, we'll be great friends.

Ooo-ahhh.

I bet I can walk through walls.

Boo.

Gotcha.

See you guys later.

Let's go, ghost boy.

Rawwrr!

I'm a dead wolfman.

[Mumbling]

But he is so slow.

But he's wearing me down.

I've got nasa photos, posters,

But only a real full moon can transform me.

Why didn't you say so?

Stand here. Don't move.

Rawwrr!

He's coming this way.

I think he wants to cook my nose.

Wait for it.

[Mumbling]

Wait for it.

Rawwrrr!

Now!

[Growl]

If you're a werewolf in need of a quick change,

Have a friend moon you.

[Mumbling] social studies notes, cook.

Oh, you wanted to borrow my social studies notebook.

Why didn't you say so?

Bye, loomer.

Well, I'm glad to see you're studying so hard.

If you studied half as hard as you goofed off,

You'd be an "a" student!

Is that supposed to motivate me?

The test is next period. Here's some hoops.

I suggest you practice.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Oh, so close!

Oww!

[Humming]

You got to help me out of this test somehow.

One thing I've learned in life and after life, my sharp-toothed friend,

Is there's no problem which can't be solved with dynamite.

[Laughs]

They're gonna be scraping vampire weasel off these walls

For weeks.

And by "they," I mean the day guy.

That's it!

Because by blowing up the weasel,

It'll set off the alarm,

Which will trigger the sprinklers

And cause sweeney to postpone the test,

Giving me more time to study.

Gordy, you're the best.

Adios, vampire weasel!

By the way, how much dynamite did you use?

Apparently too much.

Well, this story is wrapping up quite nicely.

And now that I'm a ghost,

I don't have to take the b.a.t.s.

And I can stop hanging out with qwerly

And hang out with you guys...

Like before.

And I got rid of that pesky vampire weasel.

Wow. I guess tnt really does solve everything.

Mr. Bigby...

I'll expect you in ghost class tomorrow.

I'm giving the w.t.w.t.s--

Walking through walls test.

Noooo!

And one last tip...