03x07 - The Bus/Bad Hair Day

[bunniefuu]

Ned: in a middle school full of bullies...

Insane teachers...

And gross school lunches...

Ned bigby, that's me, and my best friends

Try to do the impossible:

Create a guide that will help you survive school.

♪ Coming up, looking out

♪ I'll survive it, no doubt

♪ Never fear, bring it on

♪ Breaking down what's in my way ♪

♪ And I'm taking control

♪ And feeling my place in this world ♪

♪ And i...

Ned: "ned's declassified school survival guide."

Your results may vary.

Yes! I'm first in line for the bus.

I want to get a good seat so faymen will sit with me.

What's so great about faymen phorchin?

He's like an undiscovered gem.

And if he sits by me on the bus,

I'll know he likes me. It's like a love test.

Speaking of love tests,

Yesterday I tucked a surprise emotional note

In suzie's locker.

You guys haven't been going out that long.

It's kind of early to be getting emotional.

It is?

I guess it's ok.

It's not like you told her you loved her.

That would really freak her out.

It would?

Duh! Nothing ruins a relationship faster

Than saying "I love you" too soon.

It's like picking out your wedding cake

On the first date.

And you wrote "I love you"

In the note, didn't you?

I have to get that note back

Before suzie reads it!

Which will be no problem

As long as the bus is on time

And we get there first.

I'm so alone.

I can't go on.

I can't drive the bus today.

[Crying]



Why can't you drive the bus?

My girlfriend dumped me.

My life is over.

Ok, why are you driving the bus?

To make extra money

'Cause I'm saving up to buy a car...

So I can drive around with my girlfriend

Who I don't have anymore.

It's gonna be ok...

Eventually.

We'll talk about it...

On the way to school.

Here's one of my favorite pictures of us...

And if she were here,

What would she want you to do?

Probably to stop calling her.

No! She'd want you to get these kids

To school on time, and before suzie gets there.

Really?

Yeah. Women love guys who get kids

To school on time.

Oh, no! I missed the bus!

I mean the bus missed me.

But I've never been tardy

A day in my life.

Oh, no. My perfect non-tardy record

Is in jeopardy!

I know.

I'll catch him at the third stop.

Mom, we need a ride to school.

Mom: ok!

If you're not freaking out

Because you wrote a love note you don't want a girl to read,

The bus is a great place to get things done.

Bus time is great forgotten homework time,

But not a great time to finish a social studies project.

[Tires screeching]

You can also catch up on sleep,

But be careful who you sit with.

[Laughing]

Faymen's stop is next,

So I'm gonna use the shift.

To save a seat for someone,

Use "the shift."

Sit on the isle with your backpack next to the window.

Then when the time comes,

The backpack goes to the floor,

And you shift to the window...

Thus opening a seat.

For faymen!

Hey, faymen, got a spot for ya!

Name is martin querly.

Wow. The girls are gonna gobble you up

Like a frittata.

Hey, ladies, take a gander at this undiscovered gem.

Quirky martin querly!

You gotta help me.

I gotta get this bus moving or ned lose pretty girl.

Bus stop over. Go, go, go, go, go!

Wait up or I'm gonna be late!

Wait! No! Stop!

Wait! Oh, I can't be late for school!

Please. I need a miracle.

Hello, simon.

Dr. Xavier?

What are you doing here?

I ride the bike to school every day

To stay in top shape.

But wait. That's a bicycle built for !

Yeah, I buy for me

And handsome cleaning man to ride,

But he says he's allergic to bicycle

And exercise, and me.

I need to get to school in minutes

Or my perfect non-tardy record

Is in jeopardy.

Hop on! I get you there!

We ride on wind like ukrainian bliss!

Uh-oh.

You're doing great, mr. Kwest.

We're making great time.

The light's green! Let's go!

I can't. My heart is broken.

I'm too weak to go on.

You need energy. Here. Drive.

Is that tuna?

That was annie's favorite sandwich.

It's ham, and ham cures broken hearts.

Top scientists proved it.

I'm not allowed to eat while I drive.

Bus drivers' code.

Then eat fast!

Eat it!

It doesn't really matter, you know--

Can you believe this?

I know. I finished my pyramid.

I'm talking about querly.

He stole my future man.

Well, you better act now.

With those looks, he's gonna go fast.

Which means...

It's time to return his notebook.

How did you get his notebook?

But hey, that's just your choice, you know--

Faymen. Hi.

I found this notebook in your locker.

I mean the hallway by your locker.

And I think-- is this yours?

Because it had your name on it,

Which made me think it was yours.

Ham does make everything better.

Hold on.

[Tires screeching]

[Crying]

That was weird.

What kind of girl throws your notebook out the window

And then runs away?

Probably not the kind of girl

You want to be with.

We're making great time. We're gonna be early!

Nothing can stop us now!

Garage sale.

♪ It's gonna be a long time till we finally work it out ♪

♪ But it's gonna be, my rockets will be rooting out ♪

♪ Oh, won't you please, please, please do ♪

Now we get to school on time

With great novelty items and fruit.

Uh, where'd you park the bike?

Oh...

Eh, we run for it.

We're gonna b*at suzie to school

So I can pull the note

From her locker, and she won't

Fear my love.

I threw faymen's notebook out the window,

But I'm gonna go back and apologize

And then throw martin out the window.

Jennifer, you must remain seated while the bus is moving.

Ned: if you need to get closer to someone on the bus,

Use road bounces to disguise the classic "seat hop."

We got a flat!

Jennifer, this is... Unexpected, but ok.

I'll give you another chance.

No. No, no.

Who leaves a broken glass vase

In the middle of the street?

My life is over. I can't go on.

Being late for school's gonna k*ll you?

No! I wrote a note to a girl I really like,

And I have to get it before she reads it

'Cause i...

It's ok. Let it out.

I wrote, "I love you."

What? Why didn't you tell me earlier?

That's why my sweet annie left me.

That and because I picked out

A wedding cake on our first date.

It may be too late for me

To find love, ned,

But it's not too late to save you

From losing love.

Time for the wheels on this bus

To go round and round. Aah!

We'll never make it to school in minutes.

There goes my perfect record.

Wait.

Here. Put these on.

Isn't that stealing?

In my country, we call it a [ukrainian word].

What's that mean?

Stealing, but I'll bring them back later.

Let's roll.

[Screaming]

[Honking]

We're doing great, mr. Kwest!

Thanks, mr. Kwest. You rock!

Go get that note.

The bell is about to ring!

Hey, cookie.

I made it on time!

[Bang]

Oh, annie. Who could ever replace you?

[Screaming]

Hey, you--you want to go out on a date sometime?

We could pick out wedding cake.

Hey, faymen.

It was great sitting with you today.

Hey, suzie.

Giant lizard!

Oh, whoa. I must be seeing things or something.

Are we still on for lunch?

Great. See you there.

Hey, how did it go with faymen?

Let's just say

He saw a different side of me today.

So you got the note?

Boom.

This is her math homework.

Made it on time

And check out the new shirt.

It's fitting.

Ned: hair: it's not a school subject,

But it's a major school topic.

You have your great hair and your big hair...

Cut that thing on your head

And maybe we'll talk.

Some have bad haircuts, and some just have bad hair.

But no matter what your hair type is,

At some point you will say:

"I'm having a bad hair day."

If your 'do is a total don't, check out these tips.

For guys, ball caps will cover up the worst hair.

But make sure you can keep them on.

And for girls, scrunchies and hair clips

Can tame the wildest mane.

And nothing cures a bad hair day like a good hair cut.

Nice! Where'd you get it?

My mom gave it to me for a hair cut...

But the high school cosmetology class

Is giving free hair cuts today.

I don't like where this is going.

So I sneak across the street

During study hall-- snip, snap--

I look great, and I use this sweet

To take suzie on the date of her life after school--

Movies with popcorn.

Have you seen crubbs' new security system?

[Beeping]

Don't worry,

'Cause I've got a well thought out plan.

Good plan.

So, notice anything new about me?

You're a cat burglar?

Who stole a mini muffin.

No. Take a closer look.

Cool! You're getting a mustache.

I have a mustache.

And once lisa gets a look,

It'll be good-bye, boys, and hello, "the man."

Guys, it's just hair.

Let's not freak out about it.

Faymen, how are you doing?

What's up? How are things at polk?

I don't like your hair.

Hey.

Whoa!

Word in the hallway

Is you're gonna bust out of here for a free hair cut.

We want in.

I want it off, man. I want it all off!

Yeah.

Meet me at by the phone,

And make sure you have hall passes.

And...we never had this conversation.

Hey, simon.

Um, I think you have something on your face.

I know. Would you like to touch it?

Sure...

Is that blueberry muffin?

Oh!

Hey!

Do you have hall passes?

Uh...your new hair is weird!

We'll never make it out that door!

We're not going out that door.

[Gibberish]

I need your hair expertise.

And why would I help you?

Because I'll invite you

To my house to swim on saturday.

I don't like to swim.

Ned will be there.

You need curls now.

Wow. The print in this book is so small,

I thought this might make things easier to see.

Do you see anything?

Nothing buy your amazing smile...

Which is freaking me out a bit.

Free hair cuts, here we come!

Ned? Coconut head?

Is that you?

He must teach at the high school in the morning.

Come on!

Forget me! Save yourself!

I still don't like hair.

Really? It's that bad?

Bad for me. Yes.

Plan b. He's international,

So we'll give you an international look.

How 'bout now? Faymen like hair?

Sorry. Still don't like hair.

What plan are we up to?

J, which stands for japanese bubblegum pop.

I'll explain later.

[Laughing]

Hey! What's a middle schooler doing here?

Uh, hair cuts. Free. Save $.

Get over here.

Yeah. Came out good.

Good thing the hair cut's free,

'Cause the picture's gonna cost you bucks.

Wha.

[Laughing]

[Beeping]

With a little accenting,

Let's see them notice the new me now.

Cook! Nice mustache.

Oh, you noticed?

Hmm, look, I'm having a bad hair day.

I've got cases of lice in there,

And I need to dispose of these combs.

Now, get these to gordy,

And wear this so you don't get any nits.

Quiet! We're taking a test in here.

Yeah, he's doing me a favor!

Well, then have him do it quietly.

[Phone ringing]

Crubbs, it's principal riley at the high school.

Someone set off the alarms at our school,

So be on the lookout for anything suspicious.

Copy that.

Hey, wh--

Ned?

Wait! Stop!

Stop!

Busted!

Gaah!

Next stop, the big house.

[Bell ringing]

Hey, ned.

H--h--hey!

Hey, you got a hair cut.

Yeah, a great hair cut.

Nothing's worse than a bad hair cut. Ha ha.

Right. I'm really looking forward to our date.

I hope you didn't go to too much trouble.

Trouble? Ha ha. No trouble at all.

See you later. Ha ha.

There something you want to tell us, ned?

Because you look very guilty.

[Siren]

Well?

No.

Oh, come on!

I have tried everything.

Jennifer, is there a problem here?

He says he doesn't like my hair,

But I have tried every hairstyle known to man.

He has hair issues.

Faymen, [speaking spanish].

Jennifer, faymen was saying

That he doesn't like it here.

He misses his home in brazil.

Oh. He doesn't like here.

I don't like hair, either.

Right.

I'm telling you, it's me, cookie.

The mustache is fake.

Oh, really.

Aah!

Oh, what do you know. It is you.

Ow, ow, ow!

Good thing you don't have any facial hair yet.

That would have hurt.

[Crying]

So I went across the street to get a free hair cut

So I could save money to take suzie out,

But now I have no money, and I have this.

Ooh! [Gibberish]

So you're gonna take me to crubbs?

No, we're going to help you!

As men with bad hair,

We have to stick together.

Just promise us

You won't sneak out of school again.

Sure, but what can you do to help?

Comby, comby, flippy, comby.

Here we go. Ha.

Comb this over. Comb it over.

It looks great!

And we scraped together $..

So you'll have to go small on the popcorn.

Small.

Nice hair.

You, too.

I like hair.

I like mustache!

And I'm ready to go on that date with suzie.

Hey, ned. I'm ready.

Change of plans,

Caught sneaking into high school

By surveillance photos boy.

Because now you have a date with moi in detention.

So close.

Suzie!

So, you guys want to go to the movies?

Sounds good.

All right.

Nice mustache.

Next stop, the big house.

Ned?

Ok.

Fire cr*cker comb over...

Action!

We'll never make it through---

I have a mustache.

And once suzie gets a look...

Ah! Ah!

Must have been-- all right.