03x18 - Spring Fever/School Newspaper

[bunniefuu]

In a middle school full of bullies, insane teachers,

And gross school lunches, ned bigby--that's me--

And my best friends try to do the impossible,

Create a guide that will help you survive school.

♪ Coming up, looking out ♪

♪ I'll survive it no doubt ♪

♪ Never fear, bring it on ♪

♪ Break it down, what's in my way? ♪

♪ And i...i'm finding my place in this world ♪

♪ And i...

"Ned's declassified school survival guide."

Your results may vary.

When will this cold weather end?

I love cold, damp days.

Speaking of which, later today in science,

We're all going to learn about weather patterns

And how a shift in the jet stream

Could dramatically change the weather...

Very, very quickly.

Oh, no.

Everybody relax, take it easy, calm down,

Or you're going to get--aah!

If you have the irresistible urge to get outside,

You may have spring fever.

Other symptoms to look out for are

A longing to be close to those you want to be closer to...

Jennifer, you look radiant.

And my backpack is filthy.

I've got to clean it.

And the need to get rid of a winter's worth of clutter

With some spring-cleaning.

And one way to reduce the fever

Is to ask your teacher to have class outside.

Can we have homeroom outside today?

[Students cheering]

No! I'm not supposed to,

Because vice-principal crubbs said...

No one is going outside today.

Why? Because during last year's outbreak of spring fever,

You all ran outside, and didn't come back...

For a week!

So this school is in lockdown mode.

Shoo, shoo, shoo!

Put an egg in your shoe and split, b*at it.

I got the fever! I've got to get outside before

Another cold front comes in and...what's with the calendar?

I've been on lisa's waiting list for months,

And today's the day

I get to spend second, fourth, and sixth period with her.

And by the end of the day,

She'll have cookie fever.

You've got to help me get outside!

What are you so deep in thought about?

[Ahem] uh...

Jennifer.

Walk with me to class?

So, what's it going to be?

Do you want to go with me or faymen?

I can't decide!

...what to clean. Spring is here.

An unlocked way outside. Later.

I got the fever!

Kiss me, ned bigby!

Get to class, bigby. Now!

Aah!

You will kiss me!

Ok. Time to spend a gorgeous spring day

With the girl of my--

Whoa!

The pollen count is really high,

And my allergy medicine isn't working.

This is the only hypoallergenic outfit I have left.

[Sniffs]

But I'm looking forward

To spending the day with you, simon.

[Ah-choo!]

Me, too.

Hi.

Faymen, you are so sweet.

And my locker is so dirty.

And spring is a time for cleaning.

But in my country, spring is a time for kissing.

Aah!

My eyes! My eyes!

My eyes!

[Siren]

Boy, do they have the fever.

Can I have the bathroom pass?

Just follow the map,

And you'll be outside in a flash. Ha ha ha.

Aah!

Get back here, ned bigby! I will kiss you today!

Gordy! Gordy! She's up here! She's up here!

Aah! Aah!

Ah...spring fever.

[Cat snarls]

This is a wonderful lockdown picnic, simon.

[Sniffs]

Care for some guava?

[Ah-choo!]

Aren't you having any?

I'll be right back.

J--jennifer...

This desire of yours to clean

Might be your way of avoiding a problem.

Well, pppttt.

Now, is this a wood shop problem

Or a relationshippy boy-kissy-girlie problem?

The second one.

Ah. Well, in that case...

I have a problem!

Lisa's allergies are back,

And now she's all sniffly and buggery again.

I don't know what to do.

Ok, but remember,

It's what's inside a person that really matters.

You mean, like, all her mucus?

No, I mean beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Lisa! Lisa!

Simon, where have you been?

Is everything all right?

Everything's just fine.

Let's go. Uh!

[Electrical crackling]

You done with that, ma'am?

No! I've--

Ned?

I got to get outside, feel the warm sun

On my disguised face.

Plus I'm hiding from missy.

So, do you want to go out with me?

Whoa!

Do you want to go out? You and me?

Together? Going out?

I...i...

I clean.

Where do you think you're going?

Oh!

[Kiss kiss]

Just one kiss! One kiss!

All right, guys. Remember to clean up.

I'll take care of it.

[Whirring]

[Whirring stops]

All right. This isn't my forte,

But is this about the goofy mop-headed one

Or the foreign one?

Both. I'm confused.

I remember when I was in school

And liked girls at the same time,

Didn't know what to do.

So I built birdhouses in one day.

One was oak, one was maple,

And one was pine.

Anyway, in the end, I realized that

My problems would not go away

By building birdhouses.

Right.

And I can't make my problems go away

By spring-cleaning.

Maybe the ned fireworks were just in my head.

Maybe faymen just needs kissing lessons.

Maybe you should go talk to them.

Mr. Chopsaw--

You need to kiss better. Try lip-ups.

Lip-ups?

Yeah, lip-ups.

Have you seen ned?

Or faymen? Mostly ned.

Lisa: simon?

Simon?

[Sighs]

I can't help it. I'm shallow.

Look, lisa is one of the sweetest girls in this school.

So don't concentrate on her looks.

Concentrate on all the wonderful things she's done for you.

Ok, I made those up. But lisa would do

Those things for me if I deserved it.

And hottie or snotty, she's the girl for me,

And I'm going to tell her.

And I have to tell ned how I feel.

[Bell rings]

[Kissing]

[Back-up alarm beeping]

I'm doing lip-ups.

Right.

[Screech]

Finally! Gym! Time to go--

Inside.

We're having a physical fitness test today.

Indoors!

Gym...indoors? No way.

[Laughing hysterically]

Ned! Ned! Ned!

Bigby, get down from there! Bigby!

Get down from there!

I'm going to make it!

[Thud]

Lisa!

Lisa...hey, you look great.

My mom dropped off my new medicine and clothes,

And bye-bye allergies.

And where have you been all day?

I had a problem, but I'm better now,

And I can't wait to spend

The rest of sixth period with--

[Bell rings]

Your time's up, cook.

Now I get to carry lisa's books to class.

Sorry, simon.

[Sobbing]

[Birds chirping]

For the last time,

Everybody get away from that window!

And no class outside!

Why not?

Yeah! Yeah!

As a man of science, you should know

That the sun's ultraviolet rays

Cause the body to produce vitamin d,

Which is important to develop strong bones and teeth.

Yeah! Yes, I knew that.

And you know how quickly the weather patterns change.

So, do you want to deny the most complex life form

What it needs to survive--

Warm, sunny, winter-ending weather?!

Yeah! Yeah!

[Siren]

I smell the fever.

Do something to control your class better, sweeney.

Class, today we're going to learn about the weather!

And the best way to do that...

Is to have class outside!

[Students cheering]

[Siren wails weakly]

Ned bigby!

I got the fever!

Ah. One spring-fever kiss can't hurt.

Ned, I have to tell you some--

Never mind.

Jennifer.

Better.

I do lip-ups.

Whoo!

Ah. This weather sure warms my broken, shallow heart.

Ok. That's enough.

♪ Why'd you make it so complicated? ♪

♪ Whoa-oa-oa

Hi, everybody! I'm back...

From my year of living with the penguins.

And the first thing I'm doing is rebuilding the "howler."

There hasn't been a new edition since I left.

All right! Who's with me?

Newspaper? Forget it. Writing bad.

Stop it. You have no power over me.

What about the power of the press?

You could run the "howler"

And shape and mold the thoughts of hundreds.

The pen is mightier than the sword,

And the newspaper is the mightiest sword of all!

Take charge for once in your life, ned bigby.

Are you a man or a mouse?

Mr. Monroe, I'm ready to get my hands dirty

With the ink of freedom!

Any more volunteers?

[Crickets chirping]

I don't want to write for the stupid school newspaper.

Writing bad.

You don't have to be a writer to work on the school newspaper,

Because it's a school newspaper.

It's where you learn to be a writer, photographer,

Designer, whatever.

So jump on board and have fun.

And no one is more informed than the newspaper staff.

[Bells ringing loudly]

Aah!

And get your friends to help out,

Even when they don't want to.

I need good reporters,

And you're good at asking tough questions.

And you tricked me into this.

Fine!

I'm going to ask you one more time!

Do you want to go for pizza tonight?

Cookie's busy. He just started

Writing for the school newspaper.

Oh, yeah? What are you writing?

Well, I'm writing...

I'm writing horoscopes.

What better way to get your fortune

Than from a cookie?

Oh! Go on.

Thanks for covering for me.

Oh, I wasn't covering.

Ok. Moze, you're our star reporter.

I'll do photography, since there's no writing involved.

Coconut head and seth, you be my layout guys.

Great!

Students, this is mr. Hal e. Burton,

Chairman of the school board.

He's in charge of all the money the school gets.

So be nice.

School newspapers. They're a waste of funds.

Great.

Now I'm off to a meeting

For the new addition I'm building.

Oh. After you, your honor.

Ha ha ha...

[Bell rings]

Here's the horoscope page.

"Gemini--hop to class today."

How do you do it?

I make everything up.

Hey, don't put my name on it.

I don't want anyone to know I'm writing that junk.

Ok. So, what's this week's headline breaking news story?

Mr. Sweeney got a new hamster.

Students got sick after lunch this past week,

And nobody knows why.

Don't ask about all that barfing.

I was told to keep my mouth shut.

[Ahem]

Please?

Ok, check this out.

The school board made us switch

To a new fruit vendor.

They're cheaper, but would you eat these?

The new "howler" is a hit!

Now we've got to find our next big news story.

Aah!

Ned, look out! Ah, too late.

Loose ceiling tiles.

I was supposed to fix them,

But I never got the money for the supplies.

Oh! Ah!

This sort of muckraking will not be tolerated.

The budget is tight,

And the school board has non-fruit-related expenses

To worry about... Like the new addition.

[Snaps fingers]

Can't we move the water heater over there?

You heard mr. Burton.

Any more bad news, and it's detention for you

And no job for him...

For life!

[Hamster squeaking]

There's your new headline--

"Sweeney's got a new rat-thing."

The rat-thing story. I like that.

And I like you, crubbs.

Come on over to the house for dinner,

And we'll talk about a raise.

Ah...

Missy, are you a gemini?

Yep, and I'm hopping to my class

Just like my horoscope said. Bye.

Moze: this is it?

This is our next big news breaking story?

It's the best we got without getting us

In trouble with crubbs.

Hey, our free speech is protected

By the statue of liberty.

Well, unless another story falls from the sky,

Marmaduke is it.

Aah!

Horoscopes are great.

So I'm doing a special "howler" horoscope extra.

"Leo--b*at up loomer today."

I don't know how he does it.

"Meet me after fourth period for the real story."

Meet where?

In the gym.

[Screaming]

Ah, the power of the press.

Hello? Hello?

Shh!

The name is deep wolf.

Follow the maintenance budget.

What do you mean?

Do it! I've got to get back to life science.

I mean, an informants convention.

If you need any more information,

Knock times on room .

[Crash]

Here's tomorrow's "howler" horoscope.

They all say the same thing.

"Bring cookie a gift today."

Hey, I'm the school psychic reporter,

And this is what the stars tell me to write.

So run it.

Who gave you this budget?

Deep wolf. Deep wolf.

This is classified.

[Loud whirring]

Let me repeat-- we want to see this hamster

On the front page of tomorrow's paper.

Right, mr. Burton?

No, no, no. I want to use the expensive tiles here.

Great! Ha ha ha.

I don't like your suit. You need a new one.

Aah!

[Knock knock knock knock]

Come in.

Did you follow the budget?

Crubbs took it.

And it got shredded.

Don't let them know where you got it.

If anyone finds out it's me, I'm dead!

Sorry. I couldn't see.

Look, the report from the school board

States that the tile repairs

Were paid for but never done.

That leaves $, unaccounted for.

So, what's the "howler" going to do about it?

All right. If we run "meet marmaduke,"

The kids will meet marmaduke,

But if we run tile-gate,

We'll all get busted, and crubbs will fire mr. Monroe.

But they won't know that's me.

And you all will get in trouble,

But that's what happens to great newspaper people.

Run it.

Oh, I'm really glad you guys did the right thing.

Aah!

Why is my face on the cover?!

Seth, mr. Monroe was supposed to be an unnamed source.

Oh. I didn't name him.

I just printed his picture.

The other one was so dark.

That was the point!

Ok, if anybody needs me,

I'll be living with the penguins.

No! We can't let that happen.

Seth, how many papers did you print?

.

No, wait. .

Ok. We have to get them all back,

Change the photo, and run a late edition.

Don't let anyone see that picture.

Go!

Hiyah!

Whoo-hoo.

Wah!

, , !

Where's the last one?

Grab it! Grab the paper! Ah, ah!

[Shouting]

I don't believe it! I am outraged!

I know. We're dead.

No. I can't believe there's $, missing

From the maintenance budget. Is this true?

Crubbs, I want these shredded.

I want all of them expelled.

[Loud whirring]

And I want this shredded, too.

The new addition you're building

Is a pool in your backyard?

Man: yeah.

The whole thing's going to cost about grand,

Now that we're going with the expensive tiles.

We need ceiling tiles, and you bought pool tiles?

Ha ha ha. I was just borrowing the money.

And I would have got away with it, too,

If it weren't for those meddling kids.

And now you'll have to deal with me

And probably a lawyer.

And as for you guys,

I think you got the headline for your late edition.

[Students cheering]

I like being a newspaperman.

And I like being a horoscope writer.

I'm a gemini, and I got cookie this autographed baseball bat.

I got him new gardening tools, but I'm a virgo.

I'm an aries. I got him this mace.

Wait. These all say the same thing!

Who writes these horoscopes, anyway?

Oh. Cook does.

Uh! I'm gonna run now.

Aah!

[Shouting]

Aah!

Looks like we have our next headline.

[Screaming]

Sorry.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Oh, god. Ha ha ha.

Tile works were--

The reports from the--

The reports from school board said--

Ha ha ha ha!

Aah! Aah!

You don't see the need for you to do...

One spring-fever kiss cake keys cake...

Oh! My nipples! Ow!