01x10 - Not Well Yet

[bunniefuu]

I couldn't believe

she was still chugging.

I couldn't believe

she was still standing.

[BOTH CHUCKLING] What's funny?

You know I enjoy a mirthful shenanigan.

We just went out drinking

with Nell last night,

and things got a little crazy.

Nell did the legendary "Longest Island."

It's when the bartender

combined all the remains

of other peoples' drinks

and Nell chugged it.

Charming.

Well, I'm just so happy to hear

that you all had a fun night.

I'm sorry we didn't invite you.

It was just kind of a

spur-of-the-moment, fun kind of thing.

I mean, for future

reference, I, too, am fun.

I mean, I can be very fun.

You! Aren't I fun?!

So fun, boss. No one's as fun as you.

See? He agrees.

So, is that why Nell's a little late?

- Is she hungover?

- [BOTH LAUGH]

Well, what's funny now?

Uh, no, Nell doesn't

really get hungover.

No, she's like Wolverine,

except for the only part of her

that's indestructible is her liver.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

- Oh.

- Ooh.

Ah. Ah.

Hey.

Babe, you okay?

Uh, I got a cold. I'm

more mucus than woman.

Oh, after drinking the

remnants of revolting strangers.

Shocking.

Girl, just take the day off.

No, no, I gotta do that poet's obituary.

- Obituary.

- Ugh.

Words for the mortuary.

Topiary, statuary.

We are but solitary.

Yeah, like, I need to

finish it immediately.

Nell, as your boss, I must

insist that you go away

and be disgusting in your own home.

Home! False haven of wood and plaster.

Membrane-thin illusion of security.

Okay. Bye, guys.

[ALL] Bye.

[SNEEZES]

Oh, don't. Don't touch it!

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

- [SNEEZES] Sorry.

- Gross!

♪♪

Gloomy woman surrounded by

artifacts of a lonely life.

Do you mind? I'm almost

finished with your obituary, so

Cold, small bed that

has seldom seen a lover.

Okay, also, you know, I'm congested

and my head is pounding,

so if you could be quiet

- Quiet!

- Ugh.

Five isolated letters,

but only two matter "U" and "I."

And send. Ah.

- Ugh! I knew it.

- Huh?

- I knew it.

- Knew what?

When I placed that ad for a roommate,

I said to myself "Hey, Champ"

I call myself "Champ" in my head

"you do know that

you're extremely cautious

- about germs, right?"

- Edward.

"And when you invite a

stranger into your home,

she's gonna bring sickness, bacteria,

and disease like a feral raccoon."

Okay, starting to feel mean.

I can't get sick, Nell.

What What Wha What the hell?!

I'm gonna need you to

quarantine in your room.

What? No, that is insane.

Okay? W-What if I want some toast?

Then take the bread.

Ed Hey! Wait, wait, wait!

What if I have to pee?

Or the other thing?

- Hold it.

- What?! Edward!

You need to stay in your room

until you've tested negative

for all of everything.

Aah! Agh!

[SNEEZES]

Oh, no.

Champ.

SAM: Bologna and Skittles again?

They're not even

Skittles. They're Skattles.

I'm saving money for the adoption,

and [SIGHS] it is no joke.

- When's the last time you asked for a raise?

- Two years.

I'm trying to muster up

the courage to ask Lexi,

but every time I do, I break

into this weird English accent.

- Here you are.

- [BRITISH ACCENT] 'Ello, love.

Huh.

I'm not sure about this restaurant.

The floors are very dingy

and the overhead lighting is terrible.

You know that this isn't

a restaurant, right?

Goof! [LAUGHS]

I was making a joke,

because I'm fun! How 'bout it?

Speaking of fun, why don't

we blow this nerd stand

and go to my private club for lunch?

Lexi, we know you're fun.

You don't have to prove anything to us.

Well, I think it's bloody brilliant.

Excellent.

Sam?

I would love to. I just

have so much work to do,

so I'm just gonna stay

here and eat my sandwich.

- [GRUNTS]

- My Boar's Head!

Listen, you're lucky to

be friends with the boss

because the boss decides how

much you do and don't work.

So, come on. Please join me.

I'll make sure the chef prepares

something very special for you.

Well, I am starving, and I

did make a promise to myself

that I wouldn't retrieve

food out of the garbage,

so I guess we are going to the club.

Wonderful. And don't worry

about the dress code.

I'll just tell them that

you're visiting from Boise.

♪♪

Ugh.

[DOOR OPENS]

You did this to me.

- Did what?

- I'm with disease!

Did you ever consider

that maybe you got me sick?

Yeah, I thought about it.

But then I realized I woke

up this morning feeling fine,

and now I feel like poo.

Please, Edward, I just

wanna be left alone.

- I'll leave you alone.

- Thank you.

- But first, I want

- Ugh!

chicken noodle soup, tea with honey,

and your heated blanket.

I'm sick.

Can you maybe call

somebody else to baby you?

I don't have a girlfriend anymore.

And I'm an independent contractor,

so I don't have any coworkers.

And I'm particular about

my social circle, Nell.

Fine, fine! Man-baby.

[WHIMPERS]

Wow. Well, that was

the best 16-course meal

that I've ever had.

I mean, three servings of fowl is

a lot of fowl.

Oh, do wanna see something fun?

That table right there is

where Father and his friends

always choose the next president.

Very cool. So I guess we're done, right?

I mean, unless Dennis has

something on the agenda.

[CONTINUES BRITISH ACCEN

] My schedule is wide open.

Okay. All right. Well,

then I guess we should be heading out.

Wait! The day is young.

There's still so much time

for mirth and tomfoolery.

Lexi, we have been here

for a very, very long time.

I mean, don't you want to go

home and continue this with Tanner?

Oh, I can see Tanner anytime. Ah!

Why don't we go to that bar

that you went to with Nell?

We can get one of

those backwash cocktails

that she was so fond of. Huh?

Yeah, I think that we're

just gonna call an Uber.

♪♪

There. I set the temperature,

your lime Jell-O is on the nightstand,

and I tucked you in like a burrito,

exactly how you wanted.

It's like the duvet cover

is a friendly python.

Cool. May I go to my bed now to be alone

and heal my body in silence?

- You may.

- Thank you.

Nell!

Yes, Edward?

Could you please keep the

door open just, like, a smidge?

A little more.

Maybe a little more.

That's too much. Can

we start over, please?

[MOANS]

- [CELLPHONE CHIMES]

- Ugh!

Ugh.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

- No, no-no-no-no, no!

- [OBOE PLAYS]

Sounds sweet to my ears, Bill.

Thanks, Susie. Hey, did you hear the one

about the two dead musicians?

They were decomposing.

[LAUGHS] Bill, you

are such a character.

Guilty as charged.

[BLEEP] my life.

[NORMAL VOICE]

Nelly-Nell, how you feeling?

You sent me an assignment?

Because you can't put a

price on how hard I work.

Or can you? [LAUGHS]

Susie and Bill Irving.

They were married high

school music teachers.

40 wonderful years

enriching the lives of

children in Pasadena.

Sadly, they were crushed moving

a grand piano up a flight of stairs.

Always go with the professional movers.

Lesson learned.

But you sent this to

me now, when I'm sick?

Just rest up and work on it

when you're feeling better.

Sing legato, fa-la-la-la-la ♪

Sing stac-ca-to, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ♪

That's not how this works, Dennis.

All right, talk to you later. Bye.

- [SNEEZES]

- You don't look so good.

We've seen a lot of kids get

sick during our teaching years,

and if there's one thing we know,

it's that the best medicine is

- Not music.

- [BOTH] Music!

- Oh, God.

- This hit, that ice cold ♪

Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold ♪

Stop, stop, stop.

I-I just need to finish this

obituary so I can get some rest.

How about you two tell

me about yourselves, yeah?

Why don't How did you two meet?

- This is a great story.

- [GIGGLES]

Well, we met at the Oberlin

Conservatory of Music.

Humblebrag. [LAUGHS]

- [CHUCKLES WEAKLY]

- And I fell for this man the moment

I saw that little braid

on the nape of his neck.

When she cleaned her

trombone spit valve,

my heart was a goner.

You know, our dream

was to join the symphony

and travel the world.

In fact, we auditioned for

the London Symphony Orchestra,

but it just wasn't in the cards.

But it doesn't matter,

'cause we spent decades

teaching kids songs like this.

Two, three, four.

- Girls, hit your hallelujah ♪

- Hoo!

- Girls, hit your hallelujah ♪

- Hoo!

- Girls ♪

- I got it. I got it. I

Uh, I just need to concentrate

so that I-I can write this.

Is that okay?

Absolutely. Understood.

- Thank

- Girls, hit your hallelujah ♪

Hoo.

Ah! Our driver should be arriving now.

Are you Lexi?

License plate 499PCE.

This is our ride.

Is that Tina driving a party bus?

It's my side hustle.

My boss doesn't pay me very much.

I requested a silent ride.

How do I know where to go?

Duh-duh. It's in the app.

- Whatever.

- Lexi, what is happening?

Fun is happening.

Oh, Sam.

It's so rare we get to

shirk our responsibilities

and spend time together.

And you're here, too.

Climb aboard the fun bus!

This is weird.

I mean, I know Lexi's

always felt sensitive

about our friendship with Nell,

but she's never acted out vehicularly.

But this is the nudge that I need.

Just get a couple of drinks in me,

and then I'll ask Lexi for that raise.

- Why do you always have to make it about you?

- Because it is about me!

Fine.

[SNIFFLES, GROANS]

[BOTH GIGGLING]

No, no, no!

Okay, I just e-mailed Emma Cornish.

I think it'll be really nice

to have a quote from someone

who knew you both from Oberlin.

Emma Cornish. Well, that's silly.

We just told you

everything about ourselves.

- [CELLPHONE RINGS]

- Oh, h-hold on.

It's my boss.

Hey, Lexi.

Nell, wonderful. How are you feeling?

Oh, it just

I actually feel like my throat

is starting to close up

Great, great, great, great.

Yeah, I'm with Sam and

Dennis, and we are par-ty-ing.

But we, um we don't

want the fun to stop,

so what's something fun that

you've all done together?

[SNEEZES] I, uh Oh,

when we were in our 20s,

we we went to, um,

a last-minute road trip

to Vegas and we, like,

blasted a bunch of

music on the way, and

Get well soon. Bye.

[BEEPS]

[SIGHS, SCOFFS]

[GASPS]

Could you maybe not talk

to Emma Cornish about us?

Why not?

Because Emma was part

of something in my past

I'd like to remain in my past.

It's important that

Susie doesn't find out.

No. Ew.

- Shh.

- Seriously?

Ugh! You couldn't keep

your oboe in your pants?

- EDWARD: Nell!

- Ugh.

I have to go and take

care of another gross man.

Blech.

- [SNEEZES]

- Yes?

Could you please put a little

bit of vapor rub on my chest?

Do it the way my mom used to.

Oh, sure, yeah.

Here, let me start

with your nipples. No.

Well, can I at least get some aspirin?

And if you could find the

time, a little less attitude?

- [CELLPHONE RINGS]

- Ah!

- Sam, hi.

- [DANCE MUSIC BLASTING]

- SAM: Babe, hi.

- Wait,

why do you sound like

you're inside a slot machine?

I don't know how to accurately

describe where I am right now.

Having fun?

So much fun.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

There's something I've

been meaning to ask you.

Yes, Dennis.

[BRITISH ACCENT] I'd like

a few more quid for me yearly.

Squid?

SAM: I mean, did you tell

Lexi to take us to Vegas?

- 'Cause

- What?

I can't hear you.

I said did Wha What are you doing?

Well, there's just so much

to see on the way to Vegas,

and I don't want you

to miss a minute of it.

Well, instead of this, why don't we go

on a couple's trip

with our husbands, okay?

But on a weekend, not a Tuesday.

There's the world's tallest thermometer,

did you know that, huh?

There's also this

little Mexican hideaway

I've been hearing so much

about called Del Taco.

Karaoke! Let's sing "Total

Eclipse of the Heart."

Lexi, you have to turn this bus around.

Oh, we're having fun.

We can't turn around.

Turn around ♪

[CHUCKLES] Who chose this song?

Please stop trying to

compete with Nell, okay?

We have a different dynamic

with our friendship, and that is fine.

Come on, you take over.

You know the words.

Just stop! Lexi, stop, okay?

Because I don't want to sing karaoke.

I don't want tacos. I

don't want to go to Vegas.

- Well, Sam, I-I just wanted to

- I know.

You just want us to

have a good time, okay,

but this is not how you do it.

You do not kidnap your

friends and hold them hostage

to prove that you are a good time.

Tina, please take us home.

Can I ask who's handling the gratuity?

My mama made me mash my M&M's ♪

I cried ♪

Hey, so, uh,

I heard from your friend

Emma, and it was great.

I mean, she said that you

both were great musicians,

and she even offered you a spot

on the London Symphony Orchestra, so

why didn't you just tell

me that earlier, Bill?

Wait a second. Emma

offered us chairs in the LSO?

And you kept it to yourself?

We could've been living

in London and playing

in one of the finest

orchestras in the world?

- Oh, damn.

- I don't remember, but I

guess it doesn't matter

'cause we're dead.

- Right? Pfft.

- 'Cause we're dead?

Oh, Susie Q

You know, I always knew

those lips were talented

at woodwind embouchure,

but I never thought they would

be so gifted at telling lies!

Okay, you want the truth?

[SCOFFS] Why start now?

They didn't want us.

They just wanted me.

They didn't think you were

good enough. That's the truth.

Ooh.

You know what, Bill?

You just crushed me more than our piano.

See, I told you not to go snooping

around. This is all your fault.

- Me?!

- EDWARD: Nell!

- [DOOR OPENS]

- Ugh!

You said you were gonna

get me some aspirin.

I suppose you don't

actually like Nutella, huh?

Oh, here we go.

Ugh. I just wanna get some sleep.

I can't breathe out of my nose. Oy.

SUSIE: You know where

they eat a lot of Nutella?

- London.

- It's widely available in the U. S.

- [SNEEZES]

- Ay!

Ugh! You did this to

me. You need to fix it.

No, I don't!

I don't have to fix anything for anyone!

And it's not my fault

you're so particular

about your social circle

that you have nobody else

in your life to help you!

- [SIGHS]

- [PLAYS OBOE]

Sorry, I thought it

might lighten the mood.

Oboes don't lighten the mood.

Ugh. Ah, ah [SNEEZES]

[GROANS AND SNIFFLES]

Nell, would you please tell Susie

I only wanted to spare her feelings?

Nell, would you please tell

Bill that a solid marriage

is not built on a foundation of lies?

- Mm.

- And also that he's a butt.

[COUGHING]

You looking for something specific?

Other than a time machine to go back

and have you not ruin my

pristine immune system.

I'm just looking for some soup.

Right-hand side.

Right where your eyes hit.

Behind the mixed vegetables.

Right in front of your eyes.

- You're touching it.

- [SIGHS]

- Yep, you got it.

- [COUGHS]

Edward, I'm sorry if I

Since apparently I don't

have anybody in my life

who actually cares about me,

I think I'm just gonna go

eat this in my room alone.

- Eh, uh

- [SLURPS]

Oh.

I really think that you

need to heat that up.

TINA: Thanks for coming. 10%

off for returning customers.

[NORMAL VOICE] Thank you, Tina.

I will tip you tomorrow in Skattles.

Sam, please don't be angry at me.

I am not angry. It's just

I already have a Nell.

Okay, you can just be Lexi.

It's not that.

Then what is it?

It's nothing.

Okay.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

- Lexi.

- Hi, Nell. I've come to check on you.

Where's the rest of your house?

This is it.

Yes, but why don't

you knock down a wall?

People live on the other side of it.

- Oh, God.

- You know, I'm probably really contagious.

Oh, it's fine.

I never allow myself to get sick.

Um, but while I'm here, I just

wanted to ask you something.

Um, how are you so comfortable

with leading such a garbage life?

[CHUCKLES] Okay.

You can just You

can go ahead and leave.

- I mean it as a compliment.

- Mm.

You're so open and vulnerable,

despite having nothing to be proud of.

Seriously, just get out.

No, I'm sorry. I'm

not wording this well.

Oh, or take a seat, yep.

Do you know why I made Dennis

and Sam hang out with me today?

It's because Tanner

and I are separating.

And tonight is the first

night that Kendall will be

staying over at her father's

new condo, so I, um

I just didn't really want

to go home to an empty house.

Yeah, that sucks.

Sorry, Lexi.

You're the first person I've told.

Why? D-Didn't you just

spend all day with Sam?

I just don't like showing weakness.

But you you're just always

acting as your genuine self.

I mean, even when you smell like

what is that, hot sauce?

I spilled some earlier.

See? Just like that.

That's fairly gross.

You just put it right out there.

I mean, how do you do that?

Do what?

Do Be honest?

You just

You just do it.

And then people judge you.

Or No.

Or they're there for you.

I mean, I've shown a lot of

garbage parts to Sam, and she's

Oh, she's always there for me.

You should try it. I mean,

you should tell her what's going on.

All right. I'll try that.

Okay.

- Thank you, Nell.

- Yep.

Wait, Lexi, you know, also, like, if

If you don't want to be alone tonight,

you can

always stay on this couch.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, Nell.

This bitch.

She's right.

I should've been honest with you.

Bill.

I'm not hurt because I wasn't

offered a job with the symphony.

I'm sad that you

didn't tell me about it.

I can't imagine how

much you've resented me

for keeping you from your dreams.

Oh, hon.

I got to work next to the

woman I loved for 40 years.

That was my dream.

Oh, Bill.

Oh, Susie Q.

Oh, I sort of feel like I'm in the way,

so yeah.

Oh.

Get it.

All right, Bill and Susie.

[CHUCKLES] This is weird.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Hmm?

Hey, Champ.

Hmm.

I'm sorry for what I said earlier.

It was, uh, really rude,

and I didn't mean it.

[SNIFFLES]

Ew.

Even though I sometimes

wanna m*rder you,

I like that you feel

like you can rely on me.

Thanks.

I don't really trust people,

and the fact that I want to lean on you,

it feels like a really big deal to me.

And I know today I was kind of

A snot-filled jerkface.

- No.

- Kind of.

That's not really what it was.

- A little bit.

- I was immature.

And I know it's not your

job to take care of me,

even though, technically,

you're responsible for me being sick.

Anyway, since we're both

suffering from the same cold

I think it's rickets.

- It's not rickets.

- Okay.

Maybe we can take care

of each other from now on.

♪♪

[SNIFFLES] Ugh.

"Susie and Bill Irving were

more than great music teachers.

They were the model of a loving couple.

The Irvings may not have

achieved musical stardom,

but they ended up with

something far greater

A relationship built

on trust, vulnerability,

and learning to be

honest with each other.

Susie and Bill had

something to teach all of us,

not just how to play

Tchaikovsky's Fifth Symphony

on the recorder,

but how to support and love each other."

[BOTH SNEEZE]

- Bless you.

- Bless you.

"That's the kind of beautiful

duet we all should strive for."

♪♪

I have taken on more responsibility,

I'm managing more people,

and my hits are up.

So I just feel like I [COUGHS]

That's an awfully wet

cough you have there.

You know what? I can come back

if you need me to. It's totally fine.

No, now is the perfect time.

I've never felt more physically

fit or mentally present.

So what what is it

that you need, Deborah?

- Um

- [SNEEZES]

- I need a raise.

- [SNEEZES]

And a flu sh*t.

Yes, yes. Whatever you need.

I'll call accounting right now.

Oh, uh, great.

Well, uh, thank you so much.

[COUGHING]

I'm just gonna go.

[SNORTS]

Ahoy, Skipper.

Yes, tell President Truman

that every Smurf needs a sandwich.