01x08 - The New Deaf Girl

[bunniefuu]

DJ: Good morning, g*ng.

Last night, I did something
I swore off years ago.

LSD? Pegging? m*rder? Carbs?

I looked up reviews of the store.

JEN: Oh, that's begging for trouble.

Oof, you can say that again.

In fact, one review really spoke to me.

Is this about that coupon
not being honoured?

Because if it is ripped
and taped back together,

that is not legal tender.
I stand by that.

Is this about a customer

complaining about a sprained
wrist after an arm wrestle?

'Cause he didn't call "uncle."

Ooh, is it the one titled
"An inconvenient boner"?

'Cause that could be about anybody.

I didn't see any of those.

Tricked you. That last one was made up.

From Timotei S.,

"Disabled manager but
no disabled employees."

Zero stars.

By that metric,
wouldn't we get one star?

Solid point, Cynth, but he's not wrong.

I haven't hired any disabled people.

Uh, I believe the correct term is
"person with a disability."

WAYNE: I don't think
there's a consensus on that.

I didn't even know there
was a conversation.

Am I a self-hating disabled man?

Self-hating man with a disability?

This guy's just a troll with
too much time on his hands.

You need us to take care of that?

- We could track him down.
- Follow him for a bit.

We should scare him.

Really make him regret going after you.

We could dig up his address, break in,

have a little bit of fun.

Start small...

Y'know, leave the front door open,

unplug the water heater,
stuff dead rats into his vents,

and just when he thinks
he's starting to go crazy,

you go full Misery on him...

Or we could hire a
person with a disability.

[ALL AGREEING]

JEN: Huh!

♪

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

WAYNE: What are you doing?

I don't know. I mean, it's a line,

so it's gotta be something good, right?

You think it's free milkshakes?

God, I hope it's free milkshakes!

How interesting.
How delightfully simple.

Anyway, no, it's not milkshakes.

DJ's conducting interviews

to prove he's not a disability n*zi.

What's a disability n*zi?

It's someone who discriminates
against disabled people...

which I guess is just a n*zi.

Hey. May I help you with something?

Yeah, I'm lookin' for some weights.

Ooh, absolutely.

Follow me.

We've got 20s, 30s, 35s.

Got any 50s?

Whoa!

Macho man Randy Savage!

Ha! Yeah, yeah, we got some right here.

[STRAINING]

Actually,
I wouldn't mind tryin' em out first,

if that's cool.

Of course.

A little trial pump never hurt nobody.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks, bud. Really appreciate it.

CHRIS: Okay.

Right this way.

Alright, and down...

up...

down... up...

So, why do you think you'd be a
perfect fit for One More Time?

Well, as someone with severe anxiety,

I feel that I'm extra sensitive
to other people's needs,

which is important in retail.

Terrific answer.

And when I saw your job posting,

I knew that One More Time
would be accommodating

to my support pup.

Love a support dog. May I?

Of course! Nugget loves people.

[NUGGET GROWLING]

[DJ SCREAMING]

Nugget! No, Nugget!

No!

Yeah, I've worked in retail.
I'm a huge sports fan.

Any favourite athletes out there?

Y'know, tough call.

So many greats.

But I'll you who isn't my favourite:

That bastard, Terry Fox.

Pssht! Overrated.

- Terry Fox is overrated?
- Yeah.

- That's a bold take.
- Oh, let me guess.

I should like him
'cause we're both amputees?

You should like him
'cause he's a g*dd*mn hero.

[QUIETLY] How do we know he actually

ran all the way across Canada?

Okay,
there is strong evidence to suggest

that he was taking taxis
when no one else was looking.

I swear, he's never done
anything like this before!

It's water under the bridge.

Maybe it was...

I heard screaming!

[NUGGET GROWLING]

[KEERAN SCREAMING]

Aww, Nugget, down!

KEERAN: Jesus! Get this thing off of me!

DJ: Breathe, buddy, breathe!

Stop! Stop!

I see that you worked
at a grocery store.

What were some of your
responsibilities there?

[COMPUTERIZED VOICE]
Railing your mother.

Come again? I think I might
have heard you wrong there.

[LAUGHS]

[COMPUTERIZED VOICE] Just razzing you.

I did some bagging, stocking,
organizing displays.

That sort of stuff.

Okay...

Uh, and what were some of your
challenges there, would you say?

[COMPUTERIZED VOICE] Sometimes
I didn't rail your mother

hard enough.

Just kidding, man.
I always rail her hard enough.

I think I'm good.

Bad dog!

There you are, Keeran.
I've been looking all over for you.

- Get out of here, Jen, run!
- [NUGGET GROWLING]

- [JEN SCREAMING]
- Nugget! Nugget, no!

- [JEN YELLING]
- CYNTHIA: Come here!

[SCREAMING]

[CRYING]

You son of a bitch!

Says here that you have a stutter.

I imagine that must
present some challenges.

Definitely been p-pa-p-pa-p-p...

passed over because of it.

Well, I assure you that
won't be happening here.

So, would you say you
enjoy working with people?

Oh, yeah. I love everyone.

Except, of course,
for the ch-ch-ch-ch-...

Sorry.

- Don't.
- Ch-ch-ch-...

Anybody seen my salted walnuts?

[QUIETLY] Wayne...

Be very quiet!

What? You afraid
of this little sweetheart?

- [NUGGET BARKING]
- WAYNE: That's pretty pathetic.

- [NUGGET GROWLING]
- [WAYNE SCREAMING]

Come! Nugget, come!

- [SCREAMING IN PAIN]
- Drop!

Down, Nugget! Ohh, don't hurt Nugget!

Hey, Jen, uh...

You know how to raise a
puck off the ground, right?

Hah! Pfft. Like this?

Top left.

Top right.

- Whoa!
- Heh.

Exactly like that.

- That's with an injury.
- Incredible.

I'm trying out for the hockey team.

Ah, yes.

I remember the days of varsity sports.

The honour, the glory,
the continental breakfasts.

Yeah, I don't care about that stuff.

All the guys on the hockey
team have girlfriends.

Some of them even had
their first orgies!

That... can't be true.

The coach told me I didn't make the team

'cause I couldn't raise
a puck off the ice.

I just want my first magical kiss...

or an orgy.

But I don't think I would
participate in that...

But an invitation would be nice.

Yeah, sure.
It's the thought that counts.

So, are you gonna coach me?

I will not.

But why not?

My father was a ruthless coach, Keeran.

Driven by an insatiable
appetite for winning.

Turned me into the
Olympic-qualifying athlete

I am today, but it also
k*lled something in my soul.

Not in your soul!

Because I am horrifically competitive,

I have avoided coaching at all costs.

Uh, it's okay.
I'll just ask DJ when he...

No, me! I will do it! No one else!

- Okay...?
- Yeah, let's, uh...

Let's see what you got, champ!

[LAUGHS] Yeah.

[CLAPPING]

One more.

[TO HERSELF] You are not your father...

TIFFANY: I love sports.

Uh, I've worked in retail
for years, and, uh,

I've actually shopped here many times.

It's a great place.

Well, you seem awesome.
I mean, perfect, even.

And it pains me to say this 'cause

you have no idea the day I've had,

but I was actually looking to
hire someone with a disability.

Oh! Well, guilty as charged!

You're hard of hearing, too?

Sure am! [LAUGHS]

- That's amazing!
- Yeah.

I lost my hearing eight years
ago to a wayward golf ball.

Hit me right in the side of the head.

- [LAUGHS]
- Incredible.

Wow. I lost mine at four.
Wayward genetics.

Oh! That's awesome! [LAUGHS]

Wow. Is your worst fear also...

BOTH: Not hearing the fire
alarm and your skin melting

down to the skeleton! [LAUGHTER]

Terrifying!

Literally haunts me!

Well, this is terrific!

I'd like to introduce you
all to the newest member

of One More Time, Tiffany!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

TIFFANY: Hi, everyone!
I'm so happy to be here.

Like me,
Tiffany is also hard of hearing,

so please be mindful of that.

Now, we all know how tough it
is to be the new kid in town,

so no wedgies.

I'm lookin' at you, Cynth!

[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]

Alright, let's be welcoming, okay?

Let's bring it in.

Three... two...

ALL: One More Time!

_

_

- [LAUGHS]
- _

That's good!

What are you...
What are you guys saying?

Oh, sign joke. You wouldn't get it.

I already like her better than you.

Thanks, Wayne.

WAYNE: So, you're telling me
you never heard birds chirping?

TIFFANY: Uh, not since the accident.
It's out of my range.

- Wow, you're so brave.
- Thank you.

I hear maybe 20% of birds chirping.

No one's ever called me "brave."

JEN: Do you see yourself
sticking around here for long?

Well, that depends.
I actually have a big audition

for Berklee's singing program coming up.

It's always been a dream of mine.

I sing.

I totally get it.
I'm going to the Olympics.

- Shut up. You're so inspiring.
- No, you're so inspiring!

No, okay, no, because you're literally

inspiring me right now!

I played pro hockey for 13 years,
so we're all inspiring.

CYNTHIA:
I know the term gets bandied about,

but you are an actual icon, Tiffany!

TIFFANY: Thank you!

Well, Berklee's pretty expensive,

so if there are any promotions
coming up, you let me know.

WAYNE: Oh, I mean,
you certainly could manage here.

I mean, you have a certain...
je ne sais quoi.

Je sais quoi,
and it requires hard work, dedication,

and it's not as easy as it looks, so...

Well, you really think I could
manage a place like this?

I have a keen managerial eye,

and I know that you
could manage this store.

Okay! Uh...

Training time!

Uh, Tiffany, you wanna come, uh,
help me with some inventory?

Oh, I think I could, uh, manage that.

ALL: Ohh! Ahh! [LAUGHTER]

Did you hear that one, DJ?

- Yeah, no, I heard it loud and clear.
- Because of the managing conversation

- we were just having together.
- DJ: So funny. Honestly.

DAN: Just do a few more.

Didn't I see these two here yesterday?

- That's right.
- [SIGHS]

He is running a training session!

He's just being diligent.

This is gonna be a big sale.
I can feel it.

No!

You are letting Richard
Simmons over here

make a mockery of the entire store.

Shut it down.

Okay.

Hey, uh...

You can't actually
train clients here, man.

Oh, yeah. Totally, no.

We're just trying out the equipment.

It's just, from over there,

it looks like you're
running a workout session.

That's preposterous.

You want in?

No, I'm not a workout guy.

I find the sounds that
gym-goers make intimidating.

My friend, the roar of the ocean

can also make an intimidating sound

as she shelters the little
fish that live inside of her.

Not sure if that means anything to you.

It means...

everything to me.

- Huh?
- DJ: Oh, I said

the top shelf is reserved for helmets.

We try to organize them by brand,

but sometimes it's a losing battle.

Huh? What's that?

Oh, I said sometimes
it's a losing battle.

Bat-tle. Battle?

CYNTHIA: My... my goodness, DJ.

A little patience and understanding.

You of all people should
be able to empathize.

What do you mean? I empathize.

Not in that tone you don't.

Tone? There's no tone.

Oh-ho, there was tone!

Well, you try raising your
voice and sounding pleasant

at the same time.

[LOUDLY] I do it with you every day!

TIFFANY: It's okay. I'm used to it.

I just struggle in certain situations.

Totally get it. Totally get it.
I struggle, too.

Just as much. Maybe more, actually,

'cause I got tinnitus
in my right ear, so...

TIFFANY: Oh, yeah. No, I feel that.

I have tinnitus in my right ear, too.

And my left.

Tinnitus in both of your ears?

- Yeah.
- My lord, what an obstacle.

Wow, yeah, yeah.

Um, for me, my hearing drops
off a cliff at 2,000 hertz,

so it's really tricky.

So relatable.

Mine drops off at 1,500.

CYNTHIA: 1,500 hertz?!

TIFFANY: Yeah.

That must be so challenging.

Challenging for both of us,
actually, 'cause 1,500, 2,000;

once you get into that range,
it's all...

There's no difference.

Hmm, there's actually


And don't be so butthertz about it.

[LAUGHTER]

Okay, I hear that, sister!

I mean, you set it up and I was like...
boom! Right?

- Did you hear that one, DJ?
- Yeah, it was really good.

The hertz joke about the hearing?

- Yeah, no, I get it.
- [LAUGHTER]

We're all havin' a good time.

Alright, Keeran.

Today we are gonna raise that puck!

What's with the fruit?

Oh, when I was a kid,
my father would bring

orange slices to my practices.

If I performed well, I ate.

And if I failed, I starved.

Which is why you shall feast up front.

I'm actually not hungry, so I'll...

Because sustenance should
never be conditional.

Remember the three Ps of champions:

Pursue, persist, and...?

- [LOUD CHEWING]
- Prevail!

Prevail?

I think I got this!

Losers think, winners know.

Then I know, because I'm a winner!

- Yeah, you are!
- Yeah!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

- Let's do this!
- Yeah!

♪

KEERAN: Getting close, right?

So close.

So close.

[SIGHS]

Oh for the love of all things holy...

Chris? A word?

- Oh, mind if I take a b*at?
- Oh, you're asking him?

- Two minutes.
- Okay, I got two minutes.

Two minutes. I gotta hurry up.

Ooh, man, I'm vibrating. What's up?

What is up? What are you doing?

I asked you to kick them out.

Oh. Oh, man. sh*t.

I don't know what happened.

I walked over there to talk to him,

and then he told me I had
better traps than Home Alone.

I guess one thing led to another.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

[SIGHS] Hey!

Excuse me, hand over the weights.

Hi. Yeah. All good.

DAN: Oh, wow.
Your triceps are so "Ripley,"

I'm not sure I believe it!

Oh? Well... thank you.

You obviously work out.

Well, I... I do my best.

It's just, it's tricky,
keeping it up with two kids.

Well, it's also essential to
keep it up because two kids.

Don't you wanna stay active
with them as they grow?

I suppose I do.

You suppose, or you do?

I do!

Then drop and give me 20,
you powerful mama bear.

Okay! One...

DJ:
And we always keep these items stocked

since customers will
often just grab something

as they're cashing out.

TIFFANY: Understood.

♪ Who doesn't love a
little impulse buy? ♪

Sorry, sometimes I just break into song.

It's a bit of an annoying habit of mine.

[LAUGHS] No way!

Okay, 'cause seriously,
I do that all the time!

Really?

Yeah, people will call me
a walking rock opera.

Oh, me too. Sometimes.

Yeah?

♪ Got an impulse buy,
till the day I die... ♪

♪ Can't get enough of
those impulse buys. ♪

♪ Can't get enough of my impulse buy? ♪

♪ Gotta get that impulse buy! ♪

♪ Who doesn't love an impulse buy? ♪

♪ Who doesn't love an impulse buy? ♪

♪ Impulse buy till the day I die! ♪

[IN FALSETTO] ♪ Can't live without ♪

♪ An impulse buy-uy-uy-uy-uy-uy-uy! ♪

♪ Walkin' around and who do I see...? ♪

♪ Yeah! I see my impulse guy! ♪

♪ And I go up, upstairs... ♪

- Upstairs?
- ♪ And I look in his eyes. ♪

♪ And I see him straight,
and he's lyin' by my side. ♪

♪ I said I need an impulse,
I need an impulse,

♪ Till I di-i-i-e-e...! ♪

- ♪ Die-yay-yay-yay-yay! ♪
- ♪ Ay-ay-ay-ay! ♪

[CONTAINER CLINKS]

JEN: Whoa, you're like the
greatest singer I've ever heard.

TIFFANY: Thank you!

Wayne, are you crying?

Yes, I am.

That was quite the duet.

TIFFANY: Oh,
this is so embarrassing, guys.

Thank you so much!

Honestly, I'm just really happy
to be a part of this team and...

Let's bring it in.

- JEN: Yeah!
- TIFFANY: Shall we?

ALL: Three... two... One More Time!

♪ Ti-i-i-i-i-ime, huh! ♪

JEN: Oh! Stuck the landing!

Wow, how'd you learn to sing like that?

TIFFANY: My mom's from Argentina.

Wow, cool.

- [MUTTERING] Gotta get me an impulse...
- JOSH: Oh, boy. Lay it on me.

- What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.

Come on, man.
You think I don't know you?

Chipping golf balls in the alley?

Happy DJ.

Quietly dribbling a ball on the bar?

Sad DJ.

Bouncing a shuttlecock on a racquet?

Ooh, get out the way, that's a horny DJ!

Your sports tells are unmistakable.

Damn, you're good.

I hired a new hard-of-hearing employee,

and I'm worried she's not a good fit.

How so?

Well for one thing, she says "huh?"
Like, a lot.

And that's offensive
'cause it's American?

It's offensive
'cause if you're gonna ask people

to repeat themselves all the time,

you gotta use polite terminology.

It's a well-known hierarchy in
the hard-of-hearing community.

It goes, "pardon?"

"Come again?"

"One more time," and,
if you must, "what?"

But never, under any circumstances,
is it, "huh?"

Huh.

Any other reason why she's
not a good fit for the store?

Not vibing with the staff?
Not good with the custies?

Limited sports knowledge?

The staff are huge fans,
the customers love her,

and she's a sports sage.

I mean, she even knows Jai Alai.

Well, that makes one of us.

Gonna take a wild s*ab
in the dark, but...

is it possible you're just jealous?

Why would I be jealous?

Because she's stealing
your deaf thunder.

That is ridiculous.

Yeah, it is.

- [ALL GRUNTING]
- 305...

Really bend and tighten. That's it.

Pain is weakness leaving the body.

- [ALL GROANING]
- Good.

Why are we even doing this?

I feel so good, the endorphins
are too powerful to fight.

This is where that
grunting's coming from.

I thought Keeran's headphones
got unplugged again.

[QUIETLY] Help us!

[GRUNTING]

Hey, man?

b*at it.

I could b*at it,
or I could stay and help you become

the best version of yourself.

But I'm perfect.

You know,
I can't help notice you're a man

- who likes his sweet treats.
- I love my sweet treats.

How would you like to partake
in those sweet treats guilt-free?

- Don't believe in guilt.
- Hear me out.

One 20-minute workout a day

could be the difference between...

- Nah, I'm not gonna do that.
- [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Don't you wanna have pecs
that could crush a coconut?

You can crush the coconut.

I'll take the milk of that coconut,
put it in a pan,

add some eggs, sugar, corn starch,
a smidge of dry yeast,

simmer it down for an hour
and a half on low heat,

then shove that in a doughnut.

My God...

He's impenetrable.

Wrap it up! Back to the parkette.

Thanks, Wayne.

- You really helped us out...
- Ah-ah! Don't care.

KEERAN: I'm a winner!

- [PUCK CLATTERS]
- Argh!

Admit it. I suck!

Raising the puck is overrated, anyway.

Wayne Gretzky barely
did it his entire career

and he's the greatest
player of hockey history!

[LOUD SMACK]

How dare you besmirch the great one

in service of your own mediocrity?

- What?
- Listen here!

This isn't about determination,
this is about life!

Specifically, the one you won't have,

'cause here's the cold,
hard truth, sonny.

Guys who don't make the
team don't get the girl.

Forget orgies, baby boy,
you ain't gonna so much as

sniff a girl's...

upper lip!

Is that the future you want?

I asked you a question!

No, ma'am!

- Hey, Tiffany.
- Hey.

- Got a minute?
- Always.

I just wanna apologize for my behaviour.

I guess I'm just not used to
sharing the deaf spotlight, so...

but that's my problem, not yours.

You got this!

You wanna raise that d*ck?

You better raise that puck!

♪

I didn't know that there was a problem.

I'm so sorry. I hope you don't think
I was trying to out-deaf you.

Of course not.

How 'bout we just clean the slate?

- Fresh start?
- Sounds good.

A nice, fresh...

♪ Sta-a-a-a-art! ♪

[QUIETLY] Okay...

I want sex!

[STICK SLAMS PUCK]

- Yes!
- Heads up!

- [LOUD THWACK]
- Oof!

[HOCKEY GOAL HORN]

[MOANING IN PAIN]

Oh, sh*t.

[SIREN WAILING]

[MONITOR BEEPING]

TIFFANY: ♪ Ah, ah... ♪

- Hey, hey!
- Hi!

How you feeling?

I'm actually feeling really good.

Um, mild concussion.

Doctor says I'll make a full recovery.

Thank God! So nothing permanent?

Well actually, there is something...

- I got my hearing back.
- What?!

The doctor said it was
a freak side effect.

And I tried to ask him
to explain and he said,

"The brain's friggin' nuts."
Direct quote, literally.

This is awesome!

Or... or is it? I don't wanna assume...

Oh, no, yeah, it's really awesome.

I mean, listen to those birds chirping.

[BIRDS CHIRPING IN DISTANCE]

- I don't hear 'em.
- Oh, sorry.

It's just pigeons, anyways.

Man, I'd love to get my hearing back.

Or would I?

It's such a huge part of who I am.

I actually don't know if I would.

Anyway, I'm happy for you!

Thank you!

But this does put me in a
bit of a pickle, you know,

'cause I set out to hire
someone with a disability.

I hear you loud and clear.

- Yeah, you do!
- Yes, I do!

[LAUGHS]

I mean, I wouldn't dream
of taking that job now.

- It wouldn't be right.
- No, it wouldn't be right.

Guess I'll just have to keep looking.

I guess so.

Well, hey, good luck with...

♪ Tha-a-a-a-a-at! ♪

♪ Good luck, DJ! ♪

♪ Hope you find someone else
with a disability-y... ♪

♪ To work at One More Time! ♪

♪ You need another person, DJ... ♪

♪ To do the job you need done,
so ba-a-ad! ♪

♪ Good luck with that, DJ! ♪

♪ One More, One More Ti-i-i-i-ime! ♪