02x03 - The Tooth About Zombies

[bunniefuu]

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(Gwen grunts and groans)

(Crashing thuds)

- Whoa, what did those toys do to you?

- (Growls)

(Grunts, chainsaw whirs)

- I'm just mad because I'm missing

the annual zombie parade.

- What's a zombie parade?

- It's amazing.

Thousands of people roam the streets dressed

as the insatiable undead,

ready to slurp the brains right out of your head.

I hide it well, but...

I'm kind of into dark stuff.

Every year my mom takes me to the parade,

but not this year,

because today is...

"dental hygienist day."

- That's today?!

Ohhhh! Oh no!

I have dental issues.

♪♪♪

(Whirring)

(Whimpering)

Yaaah! Unnnhh! You'll never take me alive!

Aaaaaah!

(Crashing)

I need a plan to get out of this!

- Uh, okay. Good luck with that.

(Sighs) Guess I'll try to watch the parade on TV.

Zombies: (Groaning) Braaains!

- This is just in!

This year's parade is the best zombie parade ever!

It might even be the best parade ever!

- Ugh! The reporter guy is blocking the zombies.

Move over!

- You really have to see it in person.

Anyone watching this on TV is missing out,

and should just go ahead, and be very, very sad!

- (Sighs)

You can't even smell the decay.

(Door opens, slams)

What are you doing?!

- It's my plan.

After you see the hygienist, she'll look at me,

and think, "oh, I already saw her."

Boom! No hygienist. Great, huh?

- I hate it.

- I've also been working on my Gwen impression.

Creepy things make me happy.

- Stop it!

- Dark is the only colour. - Beth!

- Funerals are my favourite holiday.

- Enough!

If I can keep the dental hygienist away,

will you please stop being me?

- Absolutely. - Alright.

I've got a plan.

(Chef sobs)

(Whimpers)

- It's okay. Real men cry.

Gwen: Chef! Come quick! It's an emergency!

- What's going on?

Did Duncan steal my credit card again?

- Worse. Something terrible is happening.

- It's the zombie apocalypse!

- Brains. Or like, whatever.

- I always knew this day would come!

(Whirring)

Beth and Gwen: Aaah! Ooh!

- Wow. You were really ready for this, huh?

- Oh yeah!

I've been preparing for a zomb-pocalypse for years!

Don't worry, I'll keep you kids safe.

- So what's the plan, Chef?

Full lockdown? No one in or out?

- Nuh-uh! The worst thing you can do

in a zombie outbreak is overreact.

- Um, what?

- Okay, the zombies are downtown.

And that's miles from here.

The police'll probably handle it well before

they get anywhere near us.

- So we want to be prepared, but calm.

Listen up!

It's recess time, but due to some... uh,

concerning events downtown,

I need you to be extra alert.

Calm, but alert.

Like concerned kittens!

- Concerned kittens?

- That's right! Like this.

Lickin' a paw, lickin' a paw...

who's that?!

Nothing. Whew!

Okay, then. Lickin' a paw, lickin' a paw...

what's that?!

- You look silly. I'm not doing that.

(Sighs) Just be careful.

Go on now.

- What are you doing? - Burying my failure.

I thought for sure Chef would lock down the school

for a zombie apocalypse.

- I can already hear the hygienist complaining!

"You aren't flossing. You aren't brushing!

Stop biting me."

- That's it!

If someone had some bite marks,

Chef would have to lock down the school.

- Hey Cody, How hard can you bite yourself?

- Uh... pretty hard.

(Chomping grunts)

Ow! Why am I doing this?

- Um... science?

- I'm science-ing!

- Now let's give him a zombie walk

with glitter glue.

(Splats)

- I think I just went number three.

Chef: Time to get back inside, kids!

Only kids allowed in, no zombies.

That's a strict policy.

- Aah! Unhh-unh!

Unhhh! Unhhh! Aah!

- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Cody!

Why're you walking so... zombie?

(Gasps) Did you get bit?!

- Yes, I did.

- (Gasps)

Okay, stay calm! Stay calm!

Don't panic!

- That's easy for you to say! That kid's a zombie!

(Groans, laughs nervously)

- This new bracelet is pretty!

- What's happening, Chef?

You seem... concerned.

- It's okay, nothing to worry about.

Just stay away from Cody!

Uh... I better lock down the building.

- Aww, what a drag.

Wasn't the dental hygienist coming today?

I was really looking forward to that.

- Don't worry, we'll still let her in,

as long as she can pass my "not-a-zombie" checklist.

(Horn honks) There's her van now!

(Brakes squeal, horn honks)

- Oh great! What do we do now?!

- I guess we better make sure she fails the "zombie test."

Come on.

(Knocking)

- Question One: Who are you, and why are you here?

I guess that's Question One and Two, but...

- I'm the dental hygienist.

I'm here to floss some crying kids.

'Cause my job is the worst.

- Sounds coherent. Good.

Question three.

- I hope this works! - Trust me, it will.

Just wait until I give the signal.

- Question : Have you been bitten?

- I'm a children's dental hygienist,

of course I've been bitten.

- Have you been bitten today?

Specifically today? By a zombie?

- I got three other schools to visit today,

so can you just open the door?

- Hmm, she seems okay...

kids, I'm gonna let the dental hygienist inside.

Let me know if she tries to bite your faces.

Okay, I'm opening the door...

- Now!

(Splats, hygienist groans) - Sorry about that, but--

Aaaaaaaaah! - (Groans)

(Chef and hygienist scream and groan)

- Urgggghhh!

- Aaah! Zombie!

Aaaah!

Actual zombie attack!

Everyone panic!

Forget your old lives!

Duncan and Leshawna: Zombies!

- I'm in frame, I'm out of frame!

I'm in frame, I'm out of frame!

- Come on, Chef, you're better than this!

Remember your training!

(Screeching) Everyone stop!

Even though the world as you know it is over,

we'll still be safe in here.

I've got enough provisions

in my secret zombie apocalypse pantry

to last until long after we've gone mad,

and turned on each other.

(Gasps)

- Oh hi, guys! I found a magic cupboard!

(Burps)

- (Sighs heavily)

- Thanks, Gwen.

It looks like my baby teeth can remain a disgusting shade

of grey for another year. - It was kinda fun.

- (Sighs)

I just wish I wasn't missing the best parade ever.

- Hey, what if we could bring the parade to you?

- I'm listening.

- Okay, bye.

That oughta do it.

- I've just received word that there's free pizza

waiting at a nearby school

for any zombie who can answer,

"what do zombies love to eat?"

Zombie Paraders: Zombies eat braaaaaains!

- Yes, they do.

And the small, giggling child on the other end of the line

assured me this was not part of an elaborate scheme.

- You think this'll really work?

- Never underestimate the power of free pizza.

- Kids, I know this is scary,

but I'm here to protect you no matter what.

I would never, ever--

Zombie Parader: Urgggghhh!

Braaaaains!

- Aaaaaah!

Zombie Paraders: Braaaains!

Braaaains!

Braaaaaains!

- Brains, brains, brains.

- Ugh!

We're not letting anything that ugly take us down

without a fight.

- No, no, no! Don't open the door!

- Bring it on!

(Battle cry)

- (Groans)

- Haaaaai-yaaah! - Unhh- ow!

What the heck, kid?!

- Ow! Not cool, man!

(expl*si*n booms)

(Thuds, farts)

- This is the most beautiful zombie parade ever.

Zombie Paraders: Braaains!

Braaaaains!

- They're too powerful!

Fall back! Kids: Aaaaaah!

- Do your job, man, protect the kids!

- Zombies! Leave the kids alone!

Take me! Aaaah!

- Sir, are you the man who decided to feed

all the zombies this year?

- Yes, they can eat my brains if it saves the kids!

- Ha ha! Still in character. Wonderful.

So, where are the pizzas?

- What pizzas?

Hey, why aren't you a zombie?

- Uh, you seem confused.

Someone here called in saying there'd be free pizza

for all the zombies marching in this year's parade.

- Wha-?

Beth: Don't listen to him, Chef!

He's probably a zombie in a reporter disguise!

- Hey, I know that voice.

You're the little girl who called in promising free pizza!

And you know what? For no reason whatsoever,

I'm gonna say that other little girl looks super guilty, too.

- (Growling)

That's right, floss 'em again!

(Whirring)

- Not again!

Aaaaaahh!

- I hope this teaches you both about lying,

or keeping your teeth clean,

or whatever lesson you should be learning right now.

Cody: Guys?

Is it just me,

or does anyone else smell delicious?

(Growling)

Braaaaaains!

Braaaaains!

Braaaaaains!

Chef: Aaah! Cody, no!

Stop biting me! Cody!

Aaaaaaaaaahhh!