02x48 - AbaracaDuncan

[bunniefuu]

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- And now, because his powers can no longer be contained...

and because he won't stop bugging me...

I present The Great Haroldini!

- This isn't a magic thing, is it?

(Poof) Harold: (Coughing)

- Is this part of it?

- Man, what is in these smoke bombs?

(Poof) (Coughing) GUH!

- But Harold, I thought you didn't believe in magic.

Remember in season one when Owen had that wand?

- Save it for the message boards, nerd.

Okay, let's move this along.

- (Coughs) Sorry.

So! As you can see, I have nothing up my sleeves

or in my hat! Now...

abracadabra! (Poof) Woop!

(Cards rattle, birds chirp)

Now, with this rabbit I'm going to show you...

Whoa! Wait! Too soon! Come back!

- This just got interesting.

- No-no-no-no! No! Wait! (Boxes thud)

- Okay, show's over. At least it was short.

- What?! But I didn't get to finish my act!

- Fine, you can do one more trick.

Great! I just need a volunteer from the audience...

who wants to VANISH!

- Chef! No!

It was fine when Harold was just doing

his coughing routine. But magic is EVIL!

And I demand you put a stop to it!

- Oh come on, Beth. How is magic evil?

- Oh! So you want to hear my big traumatic back story!

- Wha? What? NO! I just asked how--

- Okay. The best way to tell you is probably in flashback.

ripple to...

- Hello, little girl.

Would you like to be my assistant?

- Would I?! - Here kid...

AAAAbra Kadabra!

- Oh! It's magic!

Huh? (Punching thuds)

Ahhh! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!

(Wheels rattle)

(Clank)

Phew, that wasn't too bad.

(Fire crackles)

- (Gasp) Waaaaaait!

- But that's pretty bad...

(Flames roar)

OKAY THAT'S REALLY BAD!

(expl*si*n)

(Panicked screams, flames roar)

Anyway, point is... magic is EEEEEVIL!

- Come on. Harold's magic isn't evil.

- Thanks, Gwen. - But it should be.

This is a mockery of the dark arts.

- (Sigh) Is anyone volunteering for Harold's trick?

Or are we done?

'Cause I'm good either way.

Duncan: Hey! Ooh ooh ooh! I'll volunteer!

- Uh, you're in timeout, Duncan.

But then again, I have always wanted you to disappear.

Enh. Go for it.

- Okay, everyone!

Hold onto your sippy cups and prepare to be dazzled!

Duncan, I have a confession.

I can't do real magic.

- Duhhhh. So what's the bit?

You say the magic words and I open a latch to crawl out?

- Wow! How'd you know? - "Magic."

- Kidius getius lostius!

TA-DAAA!

- (Gasps) It's a miracle! (Claps)

- Your magic ate Duncan!

Bring him back! Bring him back!

- Relax, guys. He's under the table.

- No duh. - (Sighs) Unfortunately.

- Worst. Magic. Ever.

- Table? (Nervous chuckle) What table?

I don't know what you're talking about.

- This one here? See?

All: (Gasp)

- What?! Where did he go?!

Is... is what you all must be wondering.

- Harold? Your magic is real?

That's so... cool.

I'm very confused.

- Bring him back right now!

- Nuh-uh! I said one more trick.

Bringing Duncan back counts as two.

I'm afraid that'll have to wait 'til later.

Much... much later.

- All this time my magic was real?!

Poor Duncan. Don't worry, buddy!

I'll bring you back somehow!

- That dorkasaurus actually thinks he's a real sorcerer?

The only reason I volunteered is 'cuz he set up that box

on top of my new tunnel.

I could use this chance to ditch class.

But if stay in hiding,

I can prank all I want and not get busted!

Plus they will blame it on magic! HA!

It's a dream come true!

- Now do you believe magic is real?

- I feel like there must be a logical explanation.

- Plus it was only Duncan.

- Magicians are trouble.

Think of all the evil stuff they do!

They make the sun vanish at night!

They make sandwiches turn green!

A sorcerer even trapped my mom in this box!

Just listen to her...

Mom: (on the phone) Stop calling me at work!

- See? Trust me. Harold must be stopped.

- So? Whatchya conjurin'?

Toil? Trouble?

(Gasps) Toil AND trouble?!

- No. I'm trying to bring Duncan back.

- Come on, Harold, buddy... wave that wand for me!

- Wait, I think I got it!

Duncanicus Rebooticus!

- One magic car coming up!

(Engine roars, tires squeal)

- (Sighs) No Duncan.

(Engine roars, terrified screams)

(Car smashes)

- Maybe not Duncan. But you nailed it

with that ghost car. - (Screaming)

- See? He waves that wand and BOOM! Ghost car!

Coincidence?! - Probably.

- Yeah. percent. - (Sigh)

Cody: (Dizzy Groans)

My bones are mushy now.

- It's gotta be in here somewhere!

Not a hair loss spell, no.

Not giant warts. Oh!

Maybe this is it!

Downloadium Dunconium!

Nothing says witchcraft like a horde of hangry birds.

(Crows caw) ♪ Ta ta! ♪

(Bread crumbs whoosh)

- I got a new hat!

(Screaming)

- I can't believe I never did a bread crumb bath before.

So luxurious!

- (Screaming)

- They're pecking my will to live!

- Now do you believe me?!

- Enh. Birds are weird.

- Probably just climate change. - (Exasperated sigh)

- Their beaks went everywhere.

Man: Here y'go. One large car magnet.

Just need a signature.

And uh, you're sure you're old enough, right?

- What part of this mustache do you not understand?

- Enh. Fair enough.

- I was silly to think a cheap plastic wand

could bring Duncan back.

What I need is two cheap plastic wands!

(Cheering) Raw-raw-runcan!

Let's stop flunkin'!

Listen to me shout and give us back DUNCAN!

(Toys rattling) - Uhhh, what's going on?

(Toys rumble, clunk)

- Whoa! Ah? Oh!

- HEY! WATCH IT!

- I'm sure glad I have this metal helmet.

Safety firrrrst! (OOF!)

(Pained grunt) OOF!

- HAAAAAAROLLLLLLLLD!

- I'm sorry! Here, let me fix it.

Reversium Switchbackio!

All: (Screaming)

- It's just... it's just so beautiful.

(Energy whooshes)

(Loud roar)

All: (Screaming)

- At the risk of sounding unscientific,

Harold's magic must be stopped!

- I'm sorry we ever doubted you.

- Thank you.

I have the rest of our lives to tell you I told you so.

But for now... LET'S GET 'EM!

Harold: (Screaming) All: (w*r CRY)

- I was happy just breaking stuff.

But watching Harold take the fall? Amazing.

I mean, it's not like they'll actually hurt him, right?

- As you can see, the Juice Wizard

works by mulching the evil magic outta stuff.

I found it at a yard sale.

- Okay. I stand corrected.

So now I suppose it's up to me to swoop in

and rescue Harold just cuz this is all my fault.

(Sighs) Lame.

(Beeps on, whirring)

- But I'm not evil! GWEN! HELLLP!

- Oh. Sure.

How about a nice zombie spell?

Or maybe one that'll turn Cody into a toad?

- Great. Thanks.

WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- Lowering you in, of course.

- Nothing says magic like these smoke pellets!

(Poof) All: (Coughing) Oh no!

- Duncan! You're alive! - Duh.

You didn't really think you were magic, did you?

I've just been hiding and playin' pranks all day.

- WHAT?! THAT... actually makes a lot of sense.

- Now get ready with some more magic words!

I gotta tie some fishing line to your undies

so it looks like you can fly.

- Great idea! Wait--

All: (Coughing)

- (Grunting) Um... Harol-dinicus

uh... air... borneum?

- (Gasp) - He's flying!

- (Painful groan) - Very uncomfortably.

- That's it!

I'm gonna b*at you like an evil piñata!

- Wait! Take me with you, oh great Haroldini!

- AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

- WHOA WHOA WHOA!

- (Screams) (Impact grunts)

Beth: Duncan?!

- You were here all this time? But that means...

(Sad sigh) I knew it was too good to be true.

(Sarcastic) Thanks a lot, "Great" Haroldini.

- Duncan, you're back?!

(Sarcastic) Oh goodie.

Hold on... is that the Juice Wizard ?

(Gasps) Duncan, did you fake your disappearance

by hiding in a tunnel under Harold's magic box

and then spend the day playing pranks

that made it look like he was a sorcerer

so the girls tried to juice the magic outta him?

- Yes, Chef.

- THAT'S IT! Time outs for everybody!

- You guys couldn't just snap his wand

like normal magic narcs.

You just had to go full juicer.

- How could I ever think those spells were real.

I mean, it's so clearly made up.

Dunc-us hoppus-poppus? (Poof)

- (Gasps) Beth, help! Gwen's magic!

It's real! GET HER!

- Oh no. I'm not falling for that one again.

- Yeah, I deserve that.

(Carrot crunches)

♪ Ta ta ta ♪

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