02x50 - School District 9

[bunniefuu]

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- Kiiiids! I have a surprise for you.

Anyone wanna guess what it is?

- We're getting a nuclear submarine?!

- What?! No, Izzy, we are not getting--

- It's all-you-can-eat cheese day? (Chomp) Mmm.

- Where'd you get that?

- The robots have turned against humanity?!

Prepare yourselves! All: (Scream)

- (Whistles) You're all wrong.

It's Career Day.

All: (Groan)

- This is the Vocationator .

It uses advanced interrogation techniques

to determine your value as a human being.

Doesn't that sound fun?

It'll tell you what you'll be when you grow up.

All: Wow! Neat. Whoa! Cool. - I'm gonna be a moose.

- Harold, you're up first.

(Door whirs)

- You are on a plane. What time is it?

- How would I know what time it--mmf!

- How many pickles fit inside a bear?

- Ahhhahaha! There are too many unknown factors

in that questi--OW!

- You find marmalade in your pants.

Are sunglasses mandatory?

- (Spritz) - What does that even mean?

- (Poke) - Aiiieeee!

- (Whirs) - This actually feels nice.

- (Zapping) - Ahhh! YEEOOWWW!

(Ding) (Door whirs open)

- I think my pancreas is broken.

- Oh, stop making up words!

C'mon now, everybody gets a turn.

(Ding) (Door whirs open)

- Oof! - (All groaning)

- The pain is worth it, kids.

The Vocationator has determined your future careers!

Leshawna, you're gonna be a Rocket Scientist.

Izzy... Army General.

- Wow, Izzy that is so amaz--

- Mouth closed, eyes front, maggot!

- Harold, wow, interpretive dancer.

- Cody... - I'm gonna be a moose, right?

- Nope, according to this machine,

you're going to be President.

- On no. This glue is permanent.

(Shrugs) Moose president it is.

- Duncan... whoa!

You're going to be a brain surgeon!

- WHAT?! How?!

- (Laughing)

I switched career cards with Courtney.

I cannot wait to see her reaction.

- Courtney, you're going to be a parking lot attendant.

- (Stifled giggle)

- Ooohhhh...

that's... so won... der... ffff...

(Shrill scream, rumbling)

(Glass shatters, sofa thuds)

(Panicked heavy breathing) Are you sure?

I mean, there's nothing wrong with that job,

but ARE YOU SURE?!

The Vocationator is never wrong!

- What'd the machine say about my future, Chef?

- Weird, it says you're going to be..."nothing".

- Nothing? What does that mean?

- Well, not everyone's meant to be "something".

Think of it like a movie:

The lead character is on a plane hunting snakes when--

- You can't bring snakes on a plane.

It's against the rules.

- You can fly with a dog,

as long as it fits in your purse.

- That's why my mom has a big purse

and I have this dog costume.

We're going to Florida! (Cute bark)

- My point, Owen,

is movies always have a star,

and then some nobodies doing nothing in the background.

- So I'll be a nobody doing nothing?

- Yeah. Isn't that something?

- It sure is!

- Okay, kids, go practice your future careers.

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- I thought doing nothing would be exciting.

(Surprised) It's not.

- Well, if you don't want to be nothing when you grow up,

I guess you should try to be something.

What're you good at? - Ummm...

- Too bad there's no such thing as a professional farter.

(Laughs)

- Remember when he farted for half a day straight

and made spring come early?

- I melted three pairs of pants.

- Or that time you tooted the national anthem

of every European country?

- And weird, 'cause I'd never heard those anthems before.

- Stop! Farting is not a career, people.

- The parking lot attendant is right.

- Farting has no real value in life.

- Aww.

- Everyone! Come outside! Quick!

(Spaceship engine roars)

(Small ship whooshes)

- Chef? Is that a spaceship?

- How should I know? I'm just a teacher!

Leshawna, you're the future rocket scientist,

what is it?!

- It's a spaceship.

All: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Ship whooshes)

(Energy hums)

(Alien music)

- Humans! I am Nostrildamus,

leader of the Sniffilids.

We are a superior species who travel the cosmos

deciding which life forms are useful to the universe

and which are useless.

Both: Smell the truth!

- That sounds ominous.

- What if we don't meet your standards?

- We will baste your entire planet for hours

in the moist secretions of our snoticles,

like so.

(Snorts, horks)

(Panicked cream) (Splats)

All: (Gasp)

- But it's only for hours, right?

- Yes.

And then we will feed your species to our hamsters!

- Aww! Hamsters are adorable.

- Our hamsters look like this!

- Ahhh! All: (Scream)

Courtney: AHEM!

Sky Parking is not free, mister!

$ covers you until : p.m.,

and you have to leave your keys.

- Ugh... fine.

Total rip-off.

Now, miniature humans,

prove your species is worth saving.

- We're just kids! - Not my problem.

- As luck would have it,

a supercomputer just told us exactly why we are useful.

(Coughs) Brain surgeon!

- You? Really?

Name the four lobes of the human brain.

- Pfft. North, South, Easter, and-- (splat)

- Now, the rest of you, prove your worth.

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(Splats)

- My niece actually went to college for interpretive dance.

It's awful.

- I hope they don't ask me to go next.

I can't impress them with nothing.

I'll get snotted for sure.

- I better go finish building that space ship

or I'm toast too.

- Don't look at me, I just hand out parking tickets for money.

- Stand down civilians, I got this!

Come in Echo Charlie Monkeyface.

Weneed a bravo --er full drop on my mark. Over!

- Um, who is this?

- A little girl who's gonna be a General one day,

THAT'S WHO! Now DO IT, MAGGOT!

- Yes Ma'am. Right away, Ma'am!

(Rotors b*at, t*nk engines roar)

- This is your "army"?

Interesting.

- I think the word you're looking for is IMPRESSIVE.

Army General for the win.

BOOM! What-Whaaat?

- Hardly. Shall we snork?

(Snorts, horks)

(Splats)

- Oh. Okay. I'm also pretty good at cat sounds.

Meeeeooooow--(Splats)

- (Winces)

- Hey! If you're gonna take up parking spots

with goo-covered kids,

you're gonna have to pay for-- (Splats)

- I should've done that right away

instead of paying for parking. Meh, hindsight.

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Large-boned human child, you're up next.

Show us what you've got!

- I-I-I've got nothing.

- Pitiful.

(Snorts, horks)

(Huge scared fart)

All: (Coughing)

(Explodes, splats)

- PHILTRUM!

- What was that?

- Sorry, I fart when I'm nervous.

- Your bottom fog is pure poison!

Can all humans do this?

- Sure. Everybody farts,

but I'm probably the best at it.

- (Gasps) Quickly, back to the mothership!

We shall marinade the entire planet

from a safe distance!

(Ship whooshes)

- My spaceship is ready for--

Aww! I was just about to save the world

by showing those aliens my awesome skills.

- They're going to snot the whole planet, Leshawna!

I have a plan to stop them but I'll need your help

and your spaceship. Come on!

(Munches, ship whirs)

(Chomping and chewing)

Leshawna: My scanners indicate a ventilation shaft

that leads to an energy source at the center of their ship...

but it won't be easy getting to it.

- I'll get there. I have to! It's our only hope!

(Another toot slips out) Oops!

I think I'm ready to blow!

- Stop farting in my spaceship!

Save it for the aliens!

(Small ship whooshes)

(Snot g*ns whir and splat)

(Ship whooshes)

- The vent should be straight ahead of you!

Those giant nostrils lead directly

to the heart of the ship.

- I see them!

- Make 'em pay, Owen.

Make 'em pay!

(Doors open)

(Big farts)

(Farts whoosh)

Owen: Snort fart, Sniffilids!

WOOOO HOOO!

(Spaceship explodes)

(Ding)

(Snot splashes)

- What's going on? What happened?

- Owen and his farts saved the world!

(Ship whooshes)

- Woohooo!

- (All cheer) Alright!

- I felt it... my butt dealt it...

and they smelt it.

- I always knew that kid was gonna do great things.

- (Cute doggy roar)

- Beep boop.

- It's bucks to park here. - Aw, man.

- Where's my wallet? - Here's a dime.

- (Farts) - (Coughing)

- I guess I wasn't empty.

- (Coughs) You're the most disgusting planet saver ever.

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