03x06 - Last Mom Standing

[bunniefuu]

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- Thanks for the ride in today, Mom.

It was my pleasure my sweet, sweet boy. (Kiss)

- Awwwwwwwww!

- That's adorable, dude.

I dunno, isn't it kind of sad for a grown man

to be driven to school by his "Mommy"?

- I heard that! And I wouldn't've needed a lift

if you hadn't melted my car in acid.

- (Laughing)

I was science-ing.

I'm gonna be a sciencer.

Duncan, getting a lift from my lovely mother

doesn't make me any less of an adult.

- That's right! Here's your lunch, Dear.

And yyyyes, I cut the crusts off your sandwich,

just how you like it.

- Moooooom. Shhhh!

All: Awwwwwww!

- That is the kah-yewdist thing I've ever seen.

- It's gonna make me cry! (Door slams)

- Thank you, Grandma! See you at home.

- Are you leaving without doing our extra special good-bye?

- Never ever, ever, ever!

(Xylophone music)

- What is that, Grandmother?

- I made you this cup of butter.

- Oops, now it's all over me.

Will you help to clean me up?

- I will. But you'll still be my buttercup.

(kisses her hand)

All: Awwwwwwww! - Here I go.

(Weeping)

- Yeah okaaay, that's pretty darn cute.

- That lady's trying to get bigger Awws than me.

I don't like that.

So long Cheffy-weffy, my littler buttercup.

All: Awwwwwww!

- (Sob) It's too much!

(Whooshing through air)

- Whoa, don't you move fast for an Old Timer.

- Ohhh... you should see me in a cage fight.

- Is that right?! - Yeah!

Hiiii. I'm Leshawna's Grandmother.

- Nice to meet you, I'm Chef's Mother.

Although, (grrr!) that was probably obvious

because of how sweet I am towards him.

I just can't help it.

- I can relate. How could I not...

with a granddaughter this clever, special,

precious and scrumptious?

- Sounds like you're describing my Chef.

All: Awwwwwww!

- So (sob) much (sob) love.

- I'm not sure what's happening here.

But I like it!

- But I guess for Chef I'd have to add strong

and courageous to the list.

All: Awwwwwww!

(Sobbing) - My heart is too full!

- Put the overflow into your spleen.

- (Sniff) Okay. I'll try.

(Grunting)

- How are you not moved by these displays

of sweet, sweet sincerity?

- (Scoff) there is nothing sincere about a "Sweet Off."

- I think my spleen's full.

- Shove it in your pancreas. - Ughhh-kay.

- Um, what's a "Sweet Off"?

- When two moms start competing

about who loves their kid the most,

it escalates into a horrific "Sweet Off"

where everything in the surrounding area

is transformed into something adorable and cute.

- Why are you making all those amazing words sound bad?

- Gwen just hates adorable stuff.

- Not true. I like cockroaches.

- They're getting even sweeter!

Quick, name another organ!

- It wouldn't be physically possible for me

to be any more proud of my son

or I would literally explode.

- Do you... mean that?

(Sniff) I love you Mama!

(Sobbing)

All: Awwwwwww!

- Fillin' up the kidneys with love.

- (Groans) - Oh cheer up, Gwen,

they'll be done soon. Drop-off's almost over.

- Don't you get it? Now that it's begun,

no one is leaving.

- You know what children, I love Leshawna so much

I'm going to stay and volunteer

to help with the class today.

My love for my Leshawna is so big it extends to...

all her friends!

All: Awwwwwww! - (Sobbing)

- I had the same idea children,

and I actually know your names.

Jude, Izzy, Duncan, Gwen...

and...the strange little boy.

- She remembers me!

- Well, I can learn all your names...

While you eat freshly baked cookies!

All: (Gasp) - (Crying) OHH!

- Ohhh, well there's nothing better than cookies...

unless someone made you cupcakes.

Which I did!

All: (Gasp)

- (Dizzy) Wah?

- But... how? I was using the oven.

Where did you cook these?

I used what was left of my son's car

to make an oven in the playground.

(Zapping)

No one play on the swings

until I remove those jumper cables, okay?

- Too late.

I'm'na go lie down for the rest of the day, dudes.

- This "Motherly Love" is getting out of hand.

You need to stop them.

Nuh uh. I am not interfering in a "Sweet off"!

Smart people don't get in the way

of a Mother showing love.

I'm'na hide in my office like a man!

You're on your own.

- Leshawna, if chef won't stop this, you have to.

Please. Tell your Grandmother to stand down

before it's too late.

- It's not my fault her love for me is so powerful.

But don't worry, you're safe,

no amount of adorableness could rub off on you.

- It's not about me, it's about--

- Relax Gwen, it'll be over soon

because my Grandma's going to win.

She can out-mom any mom.

That's why she's a grand mom. Duh.

(Machinery whirrs) - What's that sound?

- I took my car apart to build this;

my new auto-knitter machine.

Now... who wants a sweater!

All: Whoaaaaa...

- First there were jumper cables on the swing set

and now there's a terrifying sweater making machine?

- It's odd to see two moms acting so irresponsibly

in the name of love. But it's pretty fun!

- (Whirring)

- Don't think of these as sweaters, children,

think of it as being gift wrapped in my love for you.

All: Awwwwwww!

- Stuffin' it into the liver.

- Hold up!

I built an even better knitting machine.

It even has a robot arm. Check it out, childreeeeeen!

- Huh, what's going--

(Whirring)

(Flames whoosh)

- Oh man, this is so soft.

- And I haven't even put it into overdrive mode yet!

- Yup, we're all doomed.

Wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, Ahhhhhh!

(Whirring) Ahhhhhh!

- You look like a giant cat toy.

- Leshawna, you're the only one who can stop this.

Before it's too late tell your grandmother to-whoa!

- I've always wanted a talking ball.

Dreams really do come true!

- Anyone who wants an airplane ride should come outside!

All: Airplane!! - A what?!

- The only way I can properly express my love

for you through art is on a canvas

literally as big as the sky.

Woooooohoooooo!! - AHHHHHH!

- (Gags) (Engine roars)

- I'm gonna hurl.

- Draw a squirrel? Okay!

All: Aaaaaaaah!

- My word, this has become too irresponsible even for me!

- I second that. Both: (Slurp)

- There! A squirrel.

(Jet engine roars)

- Oh hello there. I just popped up here

to see if the kids wanted a ride in a real plane.

- There's nothing your plane can do that mine can't.

- Oh really?

Well, let's see.

- Um, are we in an air battle?

- Oh Sweetheart... Yes!

(Engine roars) All: Aaaaaaaah!

- Let's see if you got the guts to b*at me at chicken.

- Bring it on!

(Engines roar) Both: Eject!!!

(Loud boom!)

- Hurray! We surviv-(aaah!)

- Well, I hope you're happy.

- Me? Thanks to your novice flying

we're now parachuting right into the path

of my fireworks display.

- Your what display?!

All: Aaaaaaaah! (Fireworks pop)

This is just great,

all these fireworks are probably scaring

the wild animal parade I arranged

for these darling kids.

Lewshana: The what?! All: Aaaaaaaah!

- Aaaaaaah! - Aaaaaaah!

- I always knew it would end like thiiiis!

- Aaaah!

- (Pecking) - Ow! Ow! Ow!

- So you finally see how destructive

a "Sweet Off" can be.

Huh. Shame it's too late. - Why is it too--

(Engine rev)

- It was my idea to bulldoze the school

and build the kids a better one.

- I know. I'm here to crush what you make

and build an even better one!

- Oh yeah? Let's see what you got!

(Engines roar, loud clank)

- Stop!

It's time to hand out the Sweetest Mom Ever award!

Both: Award?!

- And the winner is...

(Drumroll)

Both of you!

- Yay! - We won!

- The love you showed us was inspiring.

- Is it safe to come out? Is it over?

- Yes. You can come out now. - Great!

- So... where are the other kids?

- Don't ask us. That's your job!

- You need to take better care of these kids.

- Would you like to go for dinner?

- Oh I'd love to!

I know the perfect place.

- Izzy?! Cody?!

- This bird is taking me for dinner.

- Cody, no! - Aaaaaaaah!

- Codyyyyy! - Ow!

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