03x16 - Dial B for Birder

[bunniefuu]

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Chef: ♪ Ba-pada-baaaa! ♪

All: Whoa!

- Whoa! Nice Chef! Did you win the lottery?

- No. But close!

Last night I had dinner at The King Steak Outhouse.

Where if you eat the whole cow in minutes,

you become a king!

And I did it! (Applause)

- Cow stories are boring. Let's go, guys.

- WAIT, that's not all!

As I dragged myself home, I made a new friend.

Meet TOMMY OISEAU.

- (Squawk) Oiseau means bird in French!

All: AWWWWWW.

- He can talk?! I'm talking.

(Gasps) I'm a bird!

Caw! Caw! Caw! Caw!

- (Sighs) I better lay out some newspaper for Izzy.

- Why y'all standin' around?

My show is about to start!

- Chef got a beautiful new parrot!

- A bird? That's the hold up?

Big dumb eyes and sharp gross feet.

- (Gasps) Cover your ears, Tommy!

Wait. He doesn't have ears.

- Incorrect!

Bird's have no external structure to their ears

which allows them to better hear

if a predator is above or below them!

- Hey Nerd-opedia, get back to the stage,

we gotta show to do!

- But Sugar, I wanna see the birdie.

(Growing growl, sizzles)

- Uh oh. She's overheating again!

And that stage looks flammable.

C'mon, let's go watch whatever it is

Sugar wants to bore us with.

(Country music plays)

- (Effort grunts)

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

- WHOA! - Whoa is right!

Their eyeballs ain't never seen nothing like this!

- Um... Sugar?

- Aw. Look at my bird doing nothing.

- That bird's tryin' to show us up!

We gotta up our game.

Time to improvise!

-(Squawk) Harold's dancing was lit.

- Aw! Thanks, birdie!

- TIME FOR THE SWEET HEAT!

(Landing crush)

- Sugar, are you okay?!

- Uh huh, but I think I broke Harold's face bone!

- (Squawk) I broke Harold's face bone!

All: (Laughing)

- That's exactly how Sugar said it, Tommy.

Wow. You just made this show good!

- (Squawk) Yes. I did.

- Grrrrrr!

- Okay kids, sit tight as I get Harold to a doctor.

Good news, everyone!

Thanks to Harold's broken face bone

our next trip to the hospital is free!

- Can I draw on your cast?

- (Muffled protesting)

- Ooh! You want me to catch you first?

Okay! (Maniacal laugh)

(Muffled panic exclamation)

- Hm. Which amazing trick should I do for my next show?

- (Squawk) Give up! You're talentless!

(Both gasp)

- What? Tommmmm-y. Baaaaaad.

Okay, let me go get some snacks for you guys.

Tommy did a great job breaking it to Sugar.

A hard truth like that

is always better coming from a bird.

- Talentless? I hate that bird.

- There, alllll done! (Humming)

(Muffled talking)

- What?

- Did Izzy give me a silly face?

- No sillier than yer real one.

- Oh good.

- Yeah, Harold. Maybe when the cast comes off

you'll look completely different

and be a good looking kid. - Ouch.

- (Squawk) Cheffy want a Latte?

- Thanks Tommy! You are talented!

You even put chocolate sprinkles on top!

I hope they're sprinkles.

- You wanna see real talent?!

Twirl 'o whirl, y'all!

(Smash, mug shatters)

(Sizzles) (Harold gasps)

- Awww! My latte!

- Chef! Chef! That latte! You should look at--

- Tommy who is your best friend!

- Aw, Tommy. You truly are the most talented person

in this room.

- Can you believe that latte stunt?

I'll show him who's the most talented person in the room.

Time for me to do some banjo-in'.

I'm gunna make that parrot look like a turkey!

- (reads) "And then, against all odds,

the slow turtle won the race." The end!

- Whoa. I bet a lot of people lost serious money

on that race. (Twangy banjo solo)

- Agh. It's like a really bad sound that's loud.

(Delightful flute playing) - Wait.

There's a much better sound.

All: Awwwwww!

- (Smash) - Hey!

- There! I can hear Tommy's music better now.

- GRRRRRR!

- (Squawk) Join me, Chef.

- You want me to play the piano?

Okay! Count me in, Tommy.

I think my part is coming up! See?

- (Gasps)

(Muffled inaudible yelling)

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- (Gasps)

(Sing-screaming the final note) - Huh?

Sugar, you wrecked our perfect song!

(Weeps)

- And my perfect plan.

- (Weeping) Come on, kids.

- My next show's gonna be the biggest and bestest show ever!

You'll see!

(Beeping, hits note)

(expl*si*n)

Speak, spell voice: Is. Bird. Evil? Ouch!

(Electricity crackles)

(Flat doorbell mimic, bing bong!)

- Oh! Was that you, Tommy?

Solid doorbell impression.

Am I supposed to open the door?

Is there a surprise outside for me?

- Yes. And you'll be shocked.

- Okay then!

Sugar: SHOWTIME! - Huh?!

What my other shows was missin' was production value!

Not anymore!

(Loud Banjo tune) - Sugar! Turn that off! SUGAR!

- Chef, don't forget the bing bong.

Chef! Binggg! Bonggg!

- Okay, Tommy, okay.

(Spark sizzles)

- Are they supposed to do that?

- Okay, who could it be?

(Crackling)

(Poof! electricity hums, shuts off)

- No one's there.

Oh, Tommy, you practical joker!

Now I better go flip the breaker

and get the power back on.

(Jolt of electricity) - GAAAAAAAGH!

Something bad about Tommy

and I'm a butt to find out what.

I'm ABOUT to find out what.

(Siren wails)

- (Slurps) - Hey!

- (Spits)

- Show me everything you have on bird crimes!

- New plan. If I can't b*at a bird,

Imma gonna eliminate it from the competition.

'Cause when something tries to steals my spotlight...

it gets got.

Hi everybody. Look how high I'm gettin'.

- Guys! Come see. I lost some teeths!

- Wow! Hey everybody, pay attention to Cody!

- WOW! - You look like a pumpkin!

- (Angry growl)

(Landing thud)

- I knew someday I'd be a sand castle.

- Uh huh. Nobody outshines Sugar,

or you end up in the grrround.

(Keys clack)

(Rope creaks)

- Ha. Hahaha.

- That bird's gotta go right MEOW! HISSS!

- Stray cat! Lookout, Tommy!

(Heavy thud) WHOA.

- Ugh. Why's this so hard.

Speak, spell voice: (reading) Rich man in coma

after eating poison crackers.

Affluent woman nearly drowns in bird bath.

In every case, a wealthy victim

owned a parrot that went missing

and their bank accounts were emptied!

- (Gasp) Hold on, there's also surveillance footage

I forgot to look at from the bank.

(Beep, click)

(Wings flap, money clinks)

Speak, spell voice: That bird is Tommy!

- That is one bad bird!

(Gator roars)

- (Squawk) Tommy wants a cr*cker!

- Okay! Here I come, Tomm--

Oops. Forgot the crackers!

- Got you now!

- (Snarling)

- Oh please. This ain't my first gator pit dance!

(Kicking thuds, pained grunts)

(Scared squawk) - You're next bird!

Next! Time! I! Won't! Be! This! NICE!

YEEAA!!

- (Squawk) - Don't hurt Tommy!

Why are you doing this?!

Speak, spell voice: Timmy is a board.

Tammy is burp.

- AHHHH!

Tommy is a burglar! LOOK!

- Harold, this is just a picture of Tommy

on top of some money. - Is it?

- (Gasps) Tommy's a burglar!

(Collective spit)

- Really?! - Really.

- But Why did Tommy target me? I'm not rich!

- Whaaaaaat?! But you're a king!

- Only the King of the Steak Outhouse!

It was a costume.

- A costume?! Argh!

You're the worst!

- Time for this bird to be a jail bird.

Glad we got here before you became one of its victims.

- Sugar. That's why you went after Tommy?

You saved me!

- Hooray! Woo-hoo! - Sugar did it!

- Um. Yeeeeeeeah. Exactly!

I got no idea what anyone's talking about,

but as long as everyone loves me

and that bird is going to jail, I won.

(Animals squawk, snarl and growl)

- You know why I'm here, Tommy!

Can you do the doorbell trick, for old times sake?

I miss you so much!

- You betray me! Don't come back here!

♪ Ta ta ta ♪

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