06x69 - Walk for Hunger

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Laura.

Hi.

I have an enormous favor
to ask of you.

Yeah.

I realized I've been
walking around

with these letters in my pocket
for the last three weeks,

and um, could you walk
around with them for awhile?

Oh, well...

I have an appointment
in three minutes

and was wondering if you could
drop these in the mail for me.

Oh.

Thank you.

Oh, Dr. Katz... and this one
doesn't have a stamp on it.

Oh, Dr. Katz...

- I'll do it, though.
- I owe you big time.

- Hey, Dr. Katz?
- Yeah.

Um, I'm doing this
"Walk for Hunger" on Saturday,

Mm-hmm.

And um, I was wondering if maybe
you would sponsor me.

Cannot do that...

No, I'd be glad to help you
in any way I can.

Great.

So whatever it is, I'm in.

All right.

That's a good cause.

It's uh, what is it again,
"Walk for..." What?

The "Walk for Hunger".

That is a great... in fact,
while you're out...

My cat's never been out
of my apartment.

So the first time I took him,
I took him to the vet...

Mm-hmm.

Which was sort of
exciting for him.

But when you get to the vet,
as a matter of course,

they take the cat's
temperature, anally.

Mm-hmm.

That was a surprise to me.

But it was a huge surprise
to the cat.

You just sort of see
from across the room,

the cat go, "Huh?"

And that's what they did the first
time he's ever left my apartment...

The only time he's ever left
my apartment.

That's what he thinks
the outside world is.

Which makes me very
uncomfortable

because he sees me leave
the apartment every day.

Whenever I come home he's always
got this look on his face like,

"You like that?"

My girlfriend, uh, fiancé
she uh... we adopted a dog

and the dog is depressed,
we had to put the dog on Prozac.

Well that's, that's unusual,
but not unheard of.

She's just got problems.

And veterinarians don't talk
to you like doctors,

they don't say what's wrong.

For instance, the dog had
a knee problem.

Right.

When you go in with a dog
they say, uh,

"Oh boy, I think your dog
might have a $400.

But you should really
take care of it

because it could turn
into a $2,000."

Right.

Veterinarians have all this
technology that they can't use.

Mm-hmm.

Animals come in and
they're like,

"We've just designed
this new technique

where we can take a pig's liver

and cut it into three and
put it into a schnauzer."

But then you bring a schnauzer
in that needs a new liver

and they're like,
"$12,000?!"

"What are you?
Out of your mind?

It's a schnauzer!"

Um...
"Dad."

Oh, dad, right, sorry.

Maybe I'll start calling
you by your first name now.

Can I do that?

It always bothered me

when kids called their parents
by their first name.

I think it's a sign of
a decaying relationship.

You think so?

Yeah.

What if I give you
a nickname like, "J.K."

I could live with that.

And how 'bout I call you,
"I can live with that"?

Hey guess what?

Let me give you a hint.

Laura's doing the "Walk for
Hunger" this Saturday.

What is a "Walk for Hunger"?

- I don't know.
- Really?

But I'm sponsoring her.

No, I'll tell you something.

I hate these bleeding hearts

who go out and think
they're doing something great

for the world.

Why are you so cynical
all of a sudden?

No, I mean, they're
just social events.

Just a bunch of sad people

who've got nothing better
to do than help others.

Well, when you put it
that way, yeah sure.

So how much did you
give Laura, again?

I think what I agreed to
was 20 bucks a mile

and it's a 20-mile walk
but she'll uh...

Wait a second!

Wait... twenty times...

Oh, my god!

Oh you didn't do the math!

Well, I didn't... I had no idea
Laura was into charity stuff.

I mean if Laura's out doing it

there's no reason why
I couldn't do it.

I think it'd be a wonderful,
wonderful gesture, Ben.

And just the fact that you're
interested in doing it

makes me very happy.

Well, I'm not interested
in doing it yet.

I'm not really happy yet.

Dad.

You know you can't just get out
there and walk 20 miles.

You need to, condition yourself.



I mean, how far can it be?

Dr. Katz's office.

Laura.

Ben.

Yup, yes ma'am,
how are we doing?

Fine.

I was wondering actually if you
wanted to uh, get together sa...

Ooh, Saturday I can't.

I'm doing a "Walk for Hunger"
thing, so I can't then.

But Sunday... you're doing
the "Walk for Hunger"?

Oh yeah yeah yeah,
I do it every year.

Oh. I mean I didn't
do it last year.

I don't think it existed
last year.

It did, I was there.

Oh, really?

Why the sudden interest?

Listen, Ben has led a long
and profitable life.

And there's a certain point
where you wake up and say,

"I'm gonna walk
for hunger."

Your dad told you I was going.

Oh wait, you're... Laura,
you're doing it too?

Yeah.

Oh wow, what a coincidence.
That's weird.

Oh, yeah, that's really weird.

You have sponsors yet,
'cause I um...

Yes.

I have a whole bunch
of sponsors.

You do?

I have a list of people
I'm gonna contact.

How many do you already have?

I'm going for mostly major
corporate sponsors.

I'm sort of in a
different bracket.

You have no one, do you?

Well not yet, but I can
probably say, safely

that I will make,
for the hungry people,

over 3-million dollars.

I'm really uncomfortable
with this whole

"Coming in here and
talking to you."

Y'know 'cause, I don't know
if you know this doc, but

therapy and black people
really don't go hand-in-hand.

We go to church.

Right.

It's cheaper.

Y'know, throw a dollar
in the plate,

you say, "Ahh, blah,
blah, blah, blah"

and then you're outta there.

But I hope you feel like there
are things you can say to me

that you can't say in church.

I'm really getting ticked off

with this whole
"politically correct" thing.

Now, I always say "black."

I refer to myself as black,
I'm a black woman.

'Cause it's not like
"African-American"

is making my life any easier.

Mm-hmm.

That's a bunch of crap.

Y'know, okay, we're gonna change
the name of a group of people

and everything's cool now.

That's ridic... you don't see
black people standing around

going, "Woooo-yeah!
Mmm mmm mmm.

African-American!

Man, this is sweet!"

So doc, I've been following
this JonBenét Ramsey case.

Now, I've learned a lot
about this, because usually,

when a child is m*rder*d
the first thing that the cops do

is they investigate the parents.

But in this situation the cops
wanted to talk to the Ramseys

but they said
"No thank you."

Now, I didn't know
this was optional.

But usually the way it works
when they want to talk to you

you try to pull some stuff like,

"Man, I ain't
tellin' you... ow-ow, sh...

Ow ow, hey! Oh ow ow, hey,
okay, alright, okay."

But in this case the Ramseys
said "We're busy."

And the cops said,

"Okay, we'll
talk to you later."

I guess they have to send them
an invitation or something.

The ramseys have to
RSVP or something.

"Dear detectives,

unfortunately, I will not be
attending your interrogation.

Regretfully yours, the K*llers.

Ooh, wait a minute, that's...
The alleged K*llers."

Guess what I'm doing
this weekend, man.

What's that?

You don't have to get excited
just 'cause I am.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
what's that?

I'm, uh, I'm doing the,
the "Walk for Hunger".

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Actually, I was thinking I could
get you to sponsor me.

You want me to sponsor you?

Well, I mean, um, I need to
get some sponsors

and I figured Vic's video
could be one of them...

Oh, so you want the whole store
to sponsor you?

I could walk with a Vic's
video signboard.

What would that cost Vic's?

That would cost you


Ten bucks a mile?!

Or I could wear a Vic's video
t-shirt for five bucks a mile.

'Cause, there's... I know Vic is
anti-charity, so he's... there's no way.

But isn't it beneficial for a
company to give

a certain amount to charity
'cause it's a tax write-off?

I'll call Vic. Hold on,
I'm gonna call him.

No, you know what?
Don't call Vic.

Why don't you just open the till
and give me some cash?

- The till?
- Yeah.

What do you think, this is like
a country store or something?

Let me ask you a question.

How much money do you skim,
a week...

- I don't skim.
- Off Vic?

I don't skim.

I'm just saying you must,
I mean, you work with cash...

Yeah, I work.

Vic is never here.

I doubt he even
checks the books.

So, in the interest of doing
something really moral

you want me to
do something immoral.

I would say...
That's

let's skip the money for
the "Walk for Hunger"

and just take some money.

Oh, now we're not even talking
about the walk anymore?

Yeah, screw the walk.

I've done that.

Have you done that?

Ughh, I've done it.

I had the worst blisters.

And I was so crabby
by the time I was done.

I, I felt terrible once.

I had to ask the police to stop
the "Walk for Hunger"

so I could cross the street.

Oh really?

Yeah.

Well, there's usually one guy
that walks against the crowd.

They call him "the salmon"
I think.

The salmon.

And by the way, y'know,
if you guys would like to,

I'm sure Ben would be delighted

if you would like to
sponsor him.

- Oh yeah.
- Sure.

Are you kidding?

Anything to not have to do it.

Well, it's 20 miles.

So if you say you'll
sponsor him a dollar a mile...

Fine.
A dollar a mile.

- Stanley?
- Stanley?

Alright, uh uh uh,
a buck a mile.

Okay, so that's


Yeah, good.

Okay, I'd like to buy both of
you a drink... for thirst.

Let's "Drink
for Thirst."

"Drinking for Thirst."

But it is amazing that
in this country...

The most powerful and the
richest country in the world...

That kids go hungry every day.

Ohh.

If only they'd take the time
to have a snack.

Nice.

You know?

Laura, check it out.

Are you going to the gym?

No, this is my, uh, walk outfit.

You bought an outfit?

Yeah, I mean I borrowed.

I'm gonna return it... after,
I, I leave the tags on.

The sweatsuit alone was
over $300.

I don't think you're supposed to
buy a $300-outfit

to wear to the
"Walk for Hunger."

Look, if you're a walker,
you buy this.

Look at the design though,
isn't it nice?

It's, it's kinda sexy.

I sorta look like a pimp
if I unzip, watch.

Huh.

Check this out, mm?

Those aren't those
tear-away?

You're damn right
they are, baby.

Please don't.

Aaaagghh!
Oh, Ben.

So, um, have you found
somebody to walk with yet?

Well, yeah, I'm walking
with my two friends.

What are their names?

Colleen and Joanne.

Well, that's funny
'cause I'm walking uh...

With Scott... and Larry.

Oh really?
Well great.

Have fun with Scott and Larry.

Yeah, they're good guys.

They sound like great guys.

Well, maybe the three of us
and the three of you

- could get together...
- Uh, no.

What time are you going
to get there?

Early, really early.

Well, where will you guys be?

Well, uhh...

Just walk with me, Laura.

Alright.

If you can find us
you can walk with us.

Why don't we meet at the
registration table at 9:00?

Alright.

You know, Laura, when
we do get out there,

there's a pretty good chance that
I'm going to finish before you,

and I don't want you
to feel bad.

I won't.

Because when I start to get
going and I get heated up,

my pace gets a little brisk.

I will probably leave
the pack behind.

Yeah, but it's not a race.

It doesn't matter.

I swear to god I'm going
to win this thing.

Hello Laura.

Hello.

Jon Stewart, here for my


Could you have a seat, please?

Uhhh, are you,
are you here first?

'Cause I'm not...

Ohhh no, I'm not
here for the doctor...

Oh, no no no, it's okay.

I mean I... look, I...
No, no, no.

You don't have to be
shy about that.

It's we all... I mean
people have problems.

No, no, I'm not, I'm not
in therapy, at all.

Oh oh, no, me neither.

No, I'm not here... well, I am here to
see... I'm not... I'm his son. I'm I...

You're Dr. Katz's son?

You, you don't look
anything like him.

I, I know, I don't.

But I look more like
my mom than I do him.

You look like him.

I, I look a little like him.

Sort of.

Okay, then, if you want,
I'll go with you.

I'm his son too.

Interfaith marriages is a...
It's a leap of interfaith.

Typically, it's not
an easy thing to do.

An interfaith marriage
is complicated,

but I'm sure you've given it
a lot of thought.

- It's confusing...
- Yeah.

Guy comes down to earth and
takes your sins and dies

and comes back three days later.

You believe in him, you get
to go to heaven forever.

So how do you go from that
to "Hide the eggs"?

Did Jesus have
a problem with eggs?

Did he go, "Yeah oh, by the way
when I come back, uh,

y'know, if I see any eggs,

that whole
salvation thing is off".

I think that is
just one interpretation.

How many disciples did
Jesus have?

What'd he have, 12?

Yeah.

Followed him wherever he went...
How annoying was that?

You ever think he ever turned
to them and just went,

"What?!"

I-I don't really want
to raise the questions,

I'd like... I'd like you
to raise the questions.

I'm just here to help you
get to know you.

Is there anything I can do
at home for free

that would help me?

Well, I think we talked
about this last week...

Was this trying, trying to...

Enjoy the day before
the day takes over?

You told me that, but I haven't had
the time to embroider it on a pillow.

I think that you're
making a mistake to think

that you're going to walk out
of here with some phrase

that's gonna magically cure
all your problems.

That's not how therapy works.

Are you sure?

I'm almost sure that when I
first started here you said

"We're gonna boil this
all down to a phrase

that's gonna help you."

You hear what you want to hear.

Hey, that's catchy!

My parents, they're
so weird there.

It's like, I think they're so
old where they just,

they know nobody
else wants them.

So they're being nice
to each other now.

Right.

It's sickening, like...

Y'know all
lovey-dovey, kissy-face.

Well that's sweet, Wanda,
that's very sweet.

Like my father now,
he gives her flowers,

he holds the car door
open for her.

I'm not used to this.

I mean, I remember
the good old days

when our mother used to have
to run and dive in the car

before my father'd take off.

That's sweet.

I think marriage is an
institution for raising kids.

Mm-hmm.

The kids, that's the glue,
that's what keeps you together.

I notice that people
who have kids,

they always say the same thing,

"Hey look, you gotta have some
kids, gotta have some kids.

Let me tell you now, kids,
they're a lot of work

but they're worth it".

Well, I noticed somethin'.

They never look you in the eye
when they say that.

Right.

It's always, "Hey, kids,
they a lot of work.

Y'know, but
they're worth it."

Well, I hang out all the time,

I notice my friends
who have kids,

they never wanna go
anywhere with us.

We like, "Hey come on, let's go
to the club or something."

"Nah nah nah, y'know,
we can't go,

we gonna stay here
with the kids.

Maybe uh, next week we can go
hang out or something.

Wh-what, uh oh oh, you goin'
on vacation next week?

Well isn't that nice?
That's sweet, that's nice.

Where you goin'?

Ooh, Jamaica!

Yeah, Jamaica, mmm-hmm.

Yeah, you know we started
to go last year,

but uh, Bobby here
needed braces.

Uh, yeah, Bobby, smile and show
them Jamaica, baby, go ahead."

Ben, where you been?

I went to the uh, grocery store.

Why did you drive
to the grocery store?

It's like a 10-minute walk.
It would have been...

Why would I walk for 10 minutes
to the grocery store, dad?

Well, it seems like a good opportunity
to get some exercise, tune up.

Tune up for what?
Oh for the... oh for the walk.

Yeah.

Oh, well I'm trying to
save myself, dad.

Gotta rest the legs.

I wish you would start doing
some stretches, Ben.

I'm worried about you,
that's all.

Dad, take a good look at me,
what do you see?

I see an enthusiastic, healthy,


Okay, now squint.

Oh, my god!

Exactly.

What you need to do is
you need to get pumped up,

you need to get the blood
flowing... no no no, no no no.

Quiet... dad.

You need to do some
very gentle stretching.

You need to do some stretching
not so gentle.

This is how far I can
bend over right now...

Okay.

That's... that's it.

You're actually standing up
perfectly straight, Ben.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I went the wrong way.

Okay.

Just trust me, he sticks to you
and you can't get him off.

He, he's just, y'know
he just talks a lot.

Laura!

Oh god.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, I gotta get
to my friend.

Hey!

Ben!

Hi, let me catch
my breath for a sec.

Hey, I thought we were meeting

at the registration table
at 9:00.

I was looking for the registration
table, I couldn't find it.

I just kept asking people.

Well that's... that's odd
because this is the, um,

probably the furthest point
from it.

Oh, well...

So, I'm sorry I didn't get
the proper introduction.

Yes, this is Colleen and
this is Joanne.

Hi Colleen, Joanne, Ben Katz,
uh, big, big walker.

I'll be your walking
companion for...

Ben, can you... you know what,
if you...

Laura, I'm trying to
get to know the ladies.

You know what, let's do
some warm-ups, huh?

Actually ladies, watch this.

I was practicing this
this morning.

Just stick the butt out...

And then back in...

Then out... ow, ow.

Alright walkers, 30 seconds!

Hey, you know, Laura,

my dad said he was gonna meet us
at the 15-mile mark.

Great. Alright, so what d'you
say we get started?

Listen, I'm gonna stop at that convenience
store, d'you guys want anything?

Ben, we just started walking.

Yeah, I know but I'm starving.

So, you want something or not?

No.

Alright...

Laura, you have
five bucks on you?

♫ I like coffee, I like tea ♫

Laura, now you say
"I like coffee, I like tea."

No.

♫ I like coffee, I like tea ♫

Colleen? Joanne?

♫ I like walking for hungry ♫

♫ I don't know what
I've been told ♫

♫ let's go walking for hungry ♫

We've got 19 and a half
miles left,

let's sing a little.

Guys, wait up, what's the rush?

You don't have to burn rubber.

Let's take it down a notch, huh?

Should have
paced myself, y'know,

I made the mistake of going a
little quick out of the gate.

Are you guys, um, cramping?

'Cause I got a
sharp abdominal pain.

Hey!

Daddy.

You can do it Ben, c'mon.

Oh man.

Look at you.

Yeah, this is
the 15th mile, right?

Yes, 15 miles.



How long have you been waiting?

Well, I was 49
when the race began...

I'm sorry to make you wait,
but I was pacing myself a lot.

Well, that's,
that's a big part of it.

You have to learn
how to pace yourself.

It was at, like, mile 10
when I started hallucinating.

Well.

That was pretty
embarrassing though

when that


was helping me throw up
and rubbing my back.

She took off, though.

Oh Ben, the elderly
are so unpredictable.

But at mile 13 there was a great
Indian place that I stopped at.

Yeah.

So, but, I'm pretty much
running last, right?

Well... uh, yeah.

But it's not a race, Ben.

No, when the guy
with one leg, whizzed by me...

Yeah.

That's a bad sign.

Hey, only five more miles to go.

No, I'm gonna, uh,
quit while I'm ahead at 15.

See, I think that, that
would be a big mistake,

because you've come this far,
you've given this much.

Well, you know...

Why don't you just regroup...

You're here, I'm here,

there's the car,

I mean everything is
so perfect to leave now.

Yeah.

And my legs are
like egg noodles.

And I, y'know, to be quite
honest I don't have to finish.

You don't have to finish.

I would be just as
proud of you, if you quit.

Really?

Well...

Maybe not quite as proud.

Yeah, this is, you know what,

I think I bit off

more than I could
chew on this one, y'know?

That's typically my strong suit.

I think you owe it to yourself
and you owe it to your sponsors.

There are people
believing in you.

But you know what, what you can
do in this scenario is, um, lie.

Just say you finished?

Yeah, because I mean,
who's gonna know?

Everybody probably left.

Hey, there you are.

Laura!
Laura!

I was wondering
what happened to you.

What are you doin'?

I, I lost you at like, mile six.

Well, I came back
to look for you.

Laura, that's so nice
of you to come back.

Yeah, where, where,
where are your friends?

Well, you know we finished
and they, they went home.

Really?

So Laura, you did uh,
you did well.

You, you finished.

Yeah, I did.

That's great.

But, y'know, come on,

you only have
five miles to go, so...

No, you know what?

I can't 'cause I got to,
um-i gotta break off

'cause I have another walkathon.

- Come on, Ben.
- Come on, Ben.

I'm starting to think
this is a failed effort.

I think you'll feel
better about yourself

if you finish this event.

Y'know, I think I need something

a little more inspiring.

I don't even think if Martin
Luther King was yelling next to me

I could make it
for the next five miles.

Come on Ben, let's go
before it gets dark.

I gotta sit for a minute.

No!

If you sit down, Ben
it's all over.

Laura, you get one arm.

Ugh.

Just put your other arm
over my shoulder, Ben.

I'm sorry about the stench.

You guys know the
"fireman's carry"?