01x14 - A Krapwork Orange

[bunniefuu]

[tense music]

- Dandelion, dandelion.

Oh, hello, deadly nightshade.

Would you like to be used
in a paralysis dart?

You would?

[leaves rustling]
is someone there?

[tense music]

If that's a bear, you should
know I'm incredibly poisonous.

If that's another bear,
the first bear

Already called dibs.

[branches cracking]

That's not bears.

Ahh!

[panting]

Ah!

- Please, no.
Not like this.

- Egg fish.

All: Egg fish,
egg fish, egg fish,

Egg fish, egg fish,
egg fish, egg fish.

- Ambushed by orphans again?

- Yep.

- Hey, no.

- Ow!

- Ty specifically
said we can't burn

The city's feral children.

- I'm not gonna burn 'em!

I'm just gonna set their--
[grunts]

Bodies on fire.

[dramatic lyre music]

♪ ♪

- I can't live like this.

That was the third orphan
att*ck this month.

- Are you counting when
you got trampled by cows,

And later you found out that
orphans released the cows?

- Fourth att*ck this month.

Why are there these
kids everywhere?

Seems like a bad system.

- It was easier
in the old days.

When you had a child
you didn't want,

You simply threw
them into a bush.

What happened after
they landed in the bush,

It wasn't for us to say.

- Have you considered
not foraging

For poisonous plants
outside the city walls

In the middle of the night?

- Why should I change?

They're the ones who suck.

Ty needs to take care of this.

- You can tell him
that when he gets here.

Unless--

- He already is.

- What?

We weren't supposed
to know it was him?

- Yeah, I just saw
the fake mustache

And figured, not my problem.

- Well, mom didn't
recognize me.

- Oh, I don't see servants.

- Well, I'm off to see
this incredible new

Performer, anarkkis.

Very underground,
very political.

Actually had some not positive
things to say about me,

If you can believe it.

- I can believe it.

- If I went as myself,
people would be distracted.

It would make it impossible
for her to do her show,

Which is not my goal.

- And what was that goal again?

Encouraging insubordination
by the rabble?

- Exactly wrong, mother.

That's how she thinks I think.

But when I reveal to her how
cool a king I actually am,

It's going to blow her mind.

She may even want
to go on a date with me.

Maybe to that new shop
that only sells

Things made of straw.

Has anyone been there yet?

How do they make money?

It's such a specific thing?

- Brilliant plan.

- All right,
mr. Brilliant plan.

You know what, I'm putting
you in charge of the orphans.

- What?
No, I hate them.

- That's why you're the perfect
person for the job, hippo.

Find out something
to do with them,

Round them up, do whatever,
just make them go away.

Ok, yeah.

Not whatever.

Don't burn them with
flamethrowers or something.

- [groans]
- told you.

- Just take care of them.

Did I tell you,
or did I tell you?

- You come with me.

- Did we raise weird children?

- Of course not.

I wouldn't say we raised them.

[snorts]

[laughter]

[soft music]

- [grunts]
- [yelps]

♪ ♪

- Ah-ah.
[yelps]

Whoa!

[ceramic shattering]

- No, no!

- [humming]
- aww.

Come here, you little thing.

- Well, hello, children.

You are horrible drains on
society, and more importantly,

On me personally,

So this is your new home
until you're not.

If you're hungry,
there's a bucket

Of deer hoofs in the corner.

We'll be shipping
you off just as soon

As I find an
appropriately distant

And punishing destination.

- Maybe these kids
just need somebody

To give them a chance.

- To do what,
s*ab you in the eye?

You know, eventually, they're
going to get the right one.

- Didn't you used
to be an orphan?

- Yeah, born in darkness,
one in a million.

Had to find my father by
making my own wheelchair out

Of sticks.

Is that supposed
to make me more

Sympathetic to useless,
freeloading, violent brats?

- I just feel bad.

The little one is kind of cute.

She gave me a flower.

- Figure out how to get
them to stop assaulting me,

And you can play with her
whenever you want.

- And he was like, help, help!

That's pretty much
what he sounded like.

He was scared,
but then the tiger ate him.

And he d*ed.

And that's all I got.

- Ronald the storyteller!

All right, next up,
anarkkis the truth teller.

- My story was true.

- Cities.

- I would have
opened with a joke.

[crowd gasping]
- krapopolis.

- So is it ground krapopolis,
or is it the vase?

Or the throwing, bit confusing.

- Shh!

- At the center of it all,
king tyrannis.

- Ok, here we go.

- Yes!

- Ex-squeeze me?

- Bad news.

The market already threw
away all the deer hoofs.

But I got my hand on
some goat tails, so--

- Check it out.
I taught 'em a trick.

Kids, sit.

sh**t, he did it
right before you came in.

Jaxton, sit.

Sit. Sit!

- I don't want to.

- Fine, then no berry.

- [groans]

- Good, jaxton.

- They obey you and speak
in full sentences?

But they're kids.

They're basically wild animals.

- That's what I thought, too.

But they're actually
pretty smart.

Check out what eudoria can do.

[whistles]

- Are you crazy?
Get your hand out of there.

- Just watch.
Eudoria, wait.

Wait, wait.

Ok.

We're still working
on using our hands.

Cool, right?

- Cool?

Stupe, do you realize
what you've done?

- Yeah.

No.

- You've proven that the nature
of children can be changed.

With the right training,
we can shape these kids

Into whatever we want.

The centralized
indoctrination of feral

Minded nothings, molded in
my image to advance my will?

I shall call it "school."

- Here's the deal.
I know a lot about everything.

You know very little
about anything.

I'm smarter and
older and better.

I thought you'd
searched them for eggs.

- I did.

They're really good
at hiding them.

- All right, look.

I'm gonna tell you what I
know, and hopefully you can

Absorb a small fraction of it,

Which will make your
lives slightly better.

In exchange, all I ask for
is that you work for me,

Instead of attacking me.

- And deer hooves?

- I will get more deer hooves.

[all murmuring]

- I think they're on board.

- Great! Hey, hey!

Let's not throw
or eat our seats.

Cosmo!

Percy's ears are
attached to his body.

They're not coming off.

Cosmo!
Cosmo.

- I think you're losing them.

- All right, fine!

The next person
to smash their chair

Gets a lesson from my
assistant, mr. Flamethrower.

Now, sit down!

- Hi, mr. Flamethrower.

- How does it work?

- Sit down, and I'll show you.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- It's incredible.

They're actually listening and
talking and working together.

And they retain more than
I ever thought possible.

I never realized how
rewarding teaching could be.

Turning minds into a
lesser version of me?

It's how the gods must feel.

- So what's the lesson today?

- I think it's time
for a field trip.

- Ugh, this woman
really hates me.

It's highly arousing.

But how can I get
her to like me?

- Who, your mother?
I tend to agree.

But hands off, son.
She's mine.

- It's not a good
look, tyrannis,

Lusting after your own mother.

- That's not-- do you
have anything else to do?

- Honestly, not really.

- The tedium of immortality,
every day the same.

Daughter's off
punching something,

Son wants to kiss me.

What I'd give for some variety.

- Funny,
I could use a little less.

It's not even clever.

She can't decide if she's
an artist, an activist,

Or a rabble-rouser.

- She does have
a certain dramatic flair.

And let's be honest,
she's an 8 out

Of 10 in the looks department.

- Dad, can you at least
attempt to be helpful?

She's becoming a thr*at.

- The sooner you
realize all mortals are

Idiots, tyrannis, the better.

Always following the loudest
noise and the brightest color.

You'd all walk off
a cliff if there was

A shiny button at the bottom.

- That's it.

Mother, can you still sh**t
fireworks from your fingers?

- Does this answer
your question?

- Good enough.

- The root problem
of a failed system.

The worm and the apple,
the scorpion and the sandal.

Oh, shutting me down.

Just what I expected from you.

- Well, I hate to defy
your expectations,

But I'm not here
to shut you down,

But to announce
the people's parade.

Mother?

[crowd exclaiming]

- That's right,
people of krapopolis.

We've got music.

We've got prizes.

We've got grain.

And it's all courtesy
of your ally, king tyrannis.

If you want to chant my name,
the parade song

Was specifically chosen
to make that work.

- I must say, parades are
actually rather delightful.

Constant attention from an ever
changing crowd of admirers.

- It's a party on
wheels, combining

The novelty of drinking and
the spontaneity of driving.

- It's working.

I didn't know krapopolis
had so many musicians.

- You don't.

They're birds
I turned into people.

- Now remember,
you're looking for

A chartreuse, variegated leaf
with reticulate venation

In the primary blossom.

[cheers and laughter]

Look at this.

A week ago, I couldn't
come near this valley

Without those little
monsters attacking me.

- Yeah, my army calls this
the valley of tiny devils.

- But now,
they're our tiny devils.

I think we're on to something
with this school business.

- Whoa, check it out.

When did you teach him that?

- I didn't.

It looks like he combined
the principles of my knot

Tying lesson and
your hatchet throwing

Lesson to invent a new
tool that the world has

Never seen before.

- Cool.
- Yeah.

- Roc!
[roc screeching]

- Back to the city!

- Rope, rope!

Bring it down!

[children yelling]

[roc screeching]

[all grunting]

- Die!

- What have we done?

- I think we just made
a new apex predator.

These kids are brilliant.

They might be better than you.

We're eating roc tonight.

- Thank you for coming.

I just wanted to make sure
there were no hard feelings,

And that you didn't feel
oppressed in any way.

God, if I even thought
I oppressed you,

I wouldn't sleep.

I literally would not sleep.

That's how much I
hate oppression.

- Odd how the people's
parade happened

Right when I was getting to
the part where I criticize you.

- Well, we can't
control parades.

They're like the
tides or mothers.

- You think I don't
see through this?

You used that parade
to drown me out.

- Did I drown you
out, or did I meet

You in the marketplace of ideas
and present one of my own?

Parades are more fun
than weird speeches.

- I didn't come
here to debate you.

I came to size up my enemy.

And now I know your size--

Small.

- That's just because I'm
sitting on a big throne.

I'm actually average sized.

Look, why do we
have to be enemies?

We can work together.

Tell me what to fix.

- You can't fix the system.

You're part of
the system, which

Means every tweak you
make is just incorporated

Into bad business as usual.

- Ok, so your suggestion is--

- Burn it all down.

- Ugh, I thought things
might head in this direction.

Women are drawn to my power,
occupational hazard.

- Brothers and sisters,
the palace is ours.

- In the sense that we all
paid the taxes that built it?

[cheers and laughter]

Oh, no, in the literal sense.

Where are all my guards?

[cheers and laughter]

- I don't know who any
of these people are.

But the more who join,
the more fun I have.

- They're parade people,
darling, like us now.

- Where are the kids?

Is this an ambush?

Again, my body is
incredibly poisonous.

- Relax.

I sent them to the
market for bread.

So what's the lesson today?

- No more lessons.

I'm just here
to reinforce the bars.

- What?
But they're learning so much.

- And doing things
we didn't teach them.

They're building
off my knowledge.

That is very bad.

- They do sometimes scare me.

Maybe it was a mistake to teach
them about science and weapons

Before teaching them
right and wrong.

- It was a mistake
to teach them anything.

We should have done
the responsible thing

And m*rder*d them all.

- m*rder*d who all?

- Kids!

We were just talking about
people who are not you.

- Bread!

- Thank you.

- And it's covered in blood.

- Bread.

- And we are ready for class.

- Oh, yeah!

No class today, kids.

Enjoy the day off.

- We are ready for class.

- You know what I
think would be fun?

Another field trip.

We could pick flowers
in the field.

Or k*ll something.

Something big.

- We are ready for class.

- I think they're
ready for class.

- Oh, yeah.
Of course, class.

Right.
I think I have just the lesson.

It's about the application of
force in a concentrated area.

You see, some substances,
like rock walls,

For example, are very hard.

But if you hit them with
enough force in a small area,

You can break a hole in them.

Sometimes,
the hole is big enough

For a person to get through,

Which is a great option
if the door to the room

You're in is locked.

- We know what you're doing.

- Oh, great.

Well, I'm glad you do.

Stupe, punch the damn wall!

- Like in the lesson.

[grunts]

[all yelling]

- School sucks!

[all yelling]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Let us in!

Children are
trying to k*ll us!

- It's open.

- Is that my sparring dummy?

- You can get it
back if we survive.

- What happened here?

- I'd call it 20%
bad date, 80% coup.

Why are you sweating?

- Because we're about
to be 100% screwed.

- What's that?

- Highly educated
murderous orphans

Who know basic physics.

[children shouting]

- I thought you were
getting rid of them.

- We were going to.

But then we made the
mistake of teaching them.

Now, they're bloodthirsty
for knowledge.

- Where are mom and dad?

- No idea.

They never came back
from the parade.

[all groaning]

- Why aren't people
still dancing?

This is a parade,
not a death March.

- [groans]

- Not primarily a death March.

So desperate to prove a point.

- In their defense, we have
been frolicking for some time.

How do parades normally end?

- I guess I imagined there
was some sort of finish line.

[screaming]

- That'll do, I suppose.

See you all next parade.

[thudding]

- Good people of the
former city of krapopolis,

Our time is now!

- She's speaking to my people
on my private king's balcony.

- We've got bigger problems.

- Yeah, a dozen tiny
bigger problems.

You made this mess,
you clean it up.

I have to stop an argument
before she wins the hearts

And minds of the entire city.

- Is it over?

- I don't think so.

- Is that a wedge?

- They're using their mastery
of simple machines against us.

Education!

[children shouting]

- This system
claims to serve you.

But you are in its control.

- What do I do?

If I stop the speech,
I'm giving

Her exactly what she wants.

- Do not believe any attempt
at change in the system.

Even change itself is
built into the system,

Which is why we must--

- Anarkkis,
ladies and gentlemen.

- Tyrannis, I will not
let you silence me.

- As if I even could.

Isn't she great, folks?

[crowd murmuring]

In all seriousness, I invited
anarkkis to speak here

Today because her perspective
is so valuable to our society

And to me,
as king, which is why

I've decided to
declare her perspective

The king's perspective.

And I'm instituting
a monthly anarkkis

Speech on this very
balcony to speak our minds.

[cheering]

- But it's not ours.

It's mine.

He can't just declare
it's his, too.

- Sounds like he just did!

- How can you listen
to this idiot?

- That's rich, coming from
the idiot's mouthpiece.

[laughter]
- what did you do?

- It's like you said.

The system consumes any
attempt to change it.

You were outside
the system, but I

Brought you inside, which means
you're no longer a revolution.

You're status quo.

- My god,
outplayed by a tiny king.

- Average king, big throne.

- What do I do now?

Talking about society
and other abstract concepts

Is all I know.

- [snickering]

- I might have an idea.

Come with me.

[children shouting]

[children screaming]

- I guess this was where
it was always headed.

- Yeah, teaching them just
accelerated the process.

How did we think
this was a good idea?

- Stop.

I may have a solution
to your problem.

- Burn them?
Burn the kids?

- You said these children are
bloodthirsty for knowledge.

I happen to know someone
bloodthirsty to impart it.

You can't change
the current system.

But maybe you can change
the minds of these children

With knives, who will
shape the future system.

- I'll do it.

Come, children.

No, keep your weapons.

We'll need them
in the coming revolution!

- Can I say something crazy?

I already miss those kids.

- Do you realize
what you've done?

Any knowledge they get, they'll
eventually use against us.

- I realized something.

Children are the
future, which means

They are not the
present, which means

We can worry about that later.

Look, I'm just sort of taking
things one day at a time here.

- Don't get me started on
parades, silly little things.

- Did you redecorate?

I don't like it.

- Mother, father, you're just
in time to not help at all.

- I wouldn't have
it any other way.

- [laughing]

[dramatic music]

- Welcome, welcome,
to the world of straw.

Everything you see
in the shop is made of straw.

- So this cup is--

- 100% straw.

- And this picture frame?

- 100% straw.

- [gasps]
and your shoes.

They're--

- They are straw as well,
for I am mr. Straw.

- Well, mr. Straw, I can't say
I understand your business.

But I'm happy
to have you in my city.

- Thank you, good king.

Take this straw crown
as a token of my esteem.

- Perfect fit.

Cheers.

[ominous music]

- What news do you have,
mr. Straw?

- I have made contact
with the king.

The dawn of our
dark empire is nigh.

[both cackling]

♪ ♪

- Did you get any of that?

- Bento.