00x01 - The Cobra Strikes

[bunniefuu]

The new Skystrak is a real beauty.

Now with Cobra slithering
around on the loose,

we need all the help we can get.

Hit the deck!

I'm gonna kick the mustard
out of that crazy hot dog.

He could have smeared
us all over the runway.

Hey, bacteria brain!

Come down and let's discuss
your future as a mental patient.

Oh, come on, Duke.

Where's your
spirit of adventure?

Give a teammate a hand.

I missed you, Duke.

You certainly did. By that much.

[laughs].

Something's coming
in below our radar level.

att*ck! Cobra!

No!

[expl*si*n]

Hey, why didn't you
just yell "look out"?

Didn't you read my green
sheet? Man of action.

It's the Skystrikers
they're after.

We've got to get them airborne.

Keep that pit down!

Now! Now!

Here they come!
- Hold tight!

Return to base!

Cobra!

I want the Joes on full alert.
Cobra's up to something big.

Here he comes!

Oh, great Cobra,

we await thy bidding.

Give us a sign.

[laughs]

The superstitious fools
didn't even wait for their pay.

Now, open the gates.

Identification, please.

We are disappointed.

You were expected
days ago, Destro.

The shipment was
difficult to assemble,

and I lost more time climbing to

this ridiculously
melodramatic location.

I designed the Cobra Temple to
guarantee us secrecy and security.

Now, what have you brought me?

Yes, truly exotic
substances, Destro.

But will they work?

Raise the mass device!

These three elements
will fuel the device, and

with it I shall bring
the world to its knees.

But will it reach its target?

If it goes astray,
we'll look like fools.

[laughs]

This will guide us.

The perfect homing device.

One just like it is now being
placed in the target zone.

Then we shall not fail.

Load the mass pods quickly.

It is the first step
towards Cobra

domination of the universe.

[laughs]

G.I Joe will return
after these messages.

Now, back to G.I Joe.

[drumming music]

Sorry to send for you
without explanation, Duke,

especially in the aftermath
of Cobra's sneak att*ck.

But I've got a real challenge
for the G.I Joe team.

I presume your
request for G.I Joe

was filed correctly,
General Flag?

Form BX-257, requisition
order MZ-19, in triplicate.

Duke, this is Major
Juanita Hooper from the

Office of Budget
and Accounting, eh,

at the Pentagon.

Huh!

I'm supposed to keep her happy.

Fat chance.

This is as far as we go.

Locked behind those
silo doors is a new

space satellite of
incredible capabilities.

My mission is to
ensure its safety

until launch time
tomorrow. So...

So you want the G.I
Joe team to try a break-in

to test your defenses.
Am I right, General?

Affirmative, Duke.

You're way ahead
of me, as usual.

Not a very wise
procedure, dollar-wise.

But necessary nonetheless, Major.

When can your team take
a cr*ck at this installation?

Right now.

[jazz music playing]

[beep]

[beeping]

Thanks for dropping in, Stalker.

Shall we do our thing?

Afri-boo, my share, Scarlet.

Why, thank you, sir.

Eee-yah!

It looks like your team
blew it on the first try.

The notion that the
G.I Joe team could

breach these defenses
was totally ludicrous.

You was sayin'?

Well done.

But your success only proves
security here is adequate.

You just lost me, sir.

Brilliant commando work
got three of you in sight.

But it'd take dozens of
men with heavy equipment

to steal the satellite.

A force your size
just couldn't do it.

Why not show them
the satellite, General?

They look like they
could use an education.

Uh, well, okay.

Let me show it to you.

Magnificent
contraption, isn't it?

Too expensive for
what it does, however.

And just what does it do?

This is the ultimate relay star.

It can receive and send
the most powerful energy

to anywhere at any time.

Once it's in orbit, there'll
be no safe hiding place.

Precisely. Now
let's tour the silo.

And leave your weapons
outside, for pity's sake.

This isn't a combat mission.

Exquisite.

Well, Destro?

Any moment now, Cobra Commander.

My invention will seize the
molecules of the relay star satellite.

Assemble them
for transportation.

Scramble them into a
coherent beam of pure energy.

And send them here to us.

Now, mass is ready.

Mass device, my foot.

You've wasted millions
of hard-stolen dollars,

you titanium-faced Turkey.

It's the operating temperatures.

Instead of beaming
the satellite back here,

I'll send an as*ault
team in to bring it out.

Troopers, to the sending grid.

What makes you
think it'll work this time?

I could lose men,
material, a fortune.

Now.

No. It's not possible.

Run, Major Hooper. I'll cover you.

Thanks. But I have other plans.

The Baroness!

Now, finish them off.

Quick. The emergency
doors are closing.

We need another way in.

The satellite had
to be raised into

launch position
by gantry elevators.

On target, Scarlet.

If we can position
those elevators properly,

we can lift the silo walls
right off their foundation.

Go for it.

Stand by for as*ault, men.

It's working, General.
Let's take them.

What?

Tight defense in positions.

You incompetent steel-head.

Your bungling
has cost me dearly.

Premature panic is the
sign of an immature mind.

I have mastered the device.

Coordinates locked.
Temperature perfect. There.

It's over, Baroness.

You and Major-Blood step out,

and lay down your weapons.

I'm afraid our surrender
has been canceled.

Not so fast, Baroness.

Duke!
- Good grief.

He's vanished. And the
satellite's gone with him.

G.I. Joe will return
after these messages.

Now, back to G.I. Joe.

I want him alive, you fool.

Take him to the sl*ve pens

and prepare him for sport.

Right now, we have
more pressing matters.

Fire! As long as we have
the three precious elements,

we are invincible.

Orbit has been achieved.

No one can stop Cobra now.

[laughing]

Any luck yet, Breaker?
- Nothing.

What about Cobra's weird
fade-in, fade-out technique?

Computer says it might be a
form of molecular transference.

If so, a Nobel Prize winning
scientist, Dr. Laszlo Vandermeer,

is the world's leading expert.

Last place he was seen

was his farm in New England.

Monumental microchips.

Looks like Cobra took over

every television and
radio terminal in the world.

Citizens of the world,

we have a power greater than
any in the history of mankind.

Look and tremble.

This is but the
first in a series of

demonstrations of the
awesome power of Cobra.

Beg your leaders to
surrender to Cobra at once.

You have 24 hours.

Cobra!

What... what is this place?

Where am I? Can
you understand me?

They seem normal, except
for those strange headbands.

Those pulsing lights look like the
readout on some sort of brain scanner.

Water! Please!

Do you have water?

It's useless to speak
with the slaves, Duke.

They are mindless creatures
of the Cobra organization.

You will soon be one of them,

after you have appeared
in the arena of sport.

Let's take her down.

We should be right
over Vandermeer's farm.

Welcome to New England.

and to your fight!

Tricky little serpents,
aren't they? Now!

Cease fire! They've had it!

Doctor Vandermeer,
what happened?

Cobra... they picked my brain.

They stole the secrets of Mass.

You were working
on the Mass device?

Yes, and the only
force powerful enough

to counter it is
another Mass device.

Then we've got to make one.

Back to headquarters!

I can begin construction on
the Mass device at once, but

the three substances that
power it are extremely rare.

We must get them
before Cobra does,

or all is lost.

I must find a way to help you.

Welcome to the Cobra
arena of sport, Duke.

We are pleased you have
agreed to participate in our games.

[laughs]

I've agreed to
nothing, reptile breath.

And the only game that interests
me is kicking in your fangs.

Come now, Duke.

Where's your spirit
of competition?

It is useless to resist.

Your motor reflexes
are entirely in my control.

Now bow so the sport may begin.

Bow!

[Cobra and Destro laughs].

Now it's time to
bring in my champion.

[laughs] yes.

[champion roar]

[champion roar]

[champion growls]

[champion roars]

You are my sl*ve, Duke.

And soon, the
whole world will bow

to Destro and Cobra.

[Destro laughs]

[champion roars]

G.I. Joe will return
after these messages.

In our next
episode of G.I. Joe,

Duke finds an unexpected ally

in the shadows of
the arena of sport,

while Snake Eyes,
Scarlet, and Stalker

join with Snow Job in

a treacherous search for the
radioactive crystals of death.

Cobra terrifies the world with the
impossible capture of an entire army,

and Duke's desperate
bid for freedom

seems sure to end in disaster.

All in "sl*ve of
the Cobra Master,"

the next exciting
episode of G.I. Joe,

a real American hero.

[Them Song Playing]