01x04 - Our Man in Toyland

[bunniefuu]

Come in, control.

This is smart,
maxwell smart,

Agent 86.

Hello, chief; max.
I'm still following
the delivery truck

From bowers department
store.

I think he's making
his last delivery now.

Right, chief.

- He just made his delivery.
- [ engine starts ]

I'm going to
check it out.

Roger.

I'm approaching
house now.

There are eight steps.

Make that seven.

[ Handle rattles ]

Chief, I'm afraid
I'm going to have
to break in.

If anything happens
to me,

The address here
is 121 linden street.

Chief, I think
is a front.

[ theme music playing ]

All right, I give up.

What are they doing?
How do they do it?

What are they using?
What's their trick?

- The enemy agents?
- Yes, of course.
The european kaos agents.

How are they smuggling
that information out
of the country?

In merchandise from
bowers department store.

I know that, hodgkins,
but in what merchandise?

It's not in electrical
appliances. It's not
in fur coats.

It's not
in leather goods.

Perhaps our agents planted
in the department store

Will be able
to tell us.

"Perhaps," hodgkins?
I can't accept perhaps.

Our country can't
accept perhaps.

We're not talking
about some idle threat here.

We're talking
about project skyblast.

That's the army's
new antimissile
defense system.

Of course that's
what it is, but it
won't be a defense system

Any longer if the enemy
knows as much about it
as we do.

If we don't stop them
from getting out that
next message, hodgkins,

skyblast goes
down the drain.

- That would be embarrassing.
- Embarrassing?

It would be
disastrous.

Where's agent 86?
What's he doing?

Oh, smart, he should be
at the department store

Just about now.

All right, fang,
now listen and listen
carefully.

you go over there
by that post and keep
your eyes open.

I'm going to
contact agent 12.

- Agent 12.
- Yes, 86.

- Act natural.
- Right.

- Anything new to report?
- Been observing suspect

- Believed
to be enemy courier.
- Where is he?

Don't look now.
Standing near doorway,

Wearing plaid coat,
carrying umbrella.

Just went toward
men's clothes.

Good. I'd better
leave now.

This might
look suspicious.

Agent 53.

I have just contacted
agent 12.

He says that suspect
in plaid coat

Just came this way.

Which way did he go?

Good, carry on.



- 25?
- Over here, 86.

Sorry about that.

Suspect in plaid
coat and hat

Just passed this way.

That's right, 86.
Suspect just moved
behind pillar,



suspect is carrying
umbrella.

May be carrying
information relating
to enemy operations.

I am going to
take suspect now.

- How?
- The old secret
frisk method.

Hooray.

- Excuse me, madam.
- What's going on?

Is this your pocket?
Say, what are you
doing with a--

- Oh, police, police, police!
- Just-- just--just take it.

- Police, police!
- Take it-- take it--
take it easy.

This man tried
to steal my purse.



I'm sorry I'm late,
but I was tied up

With some very important
police business.

- Not now.
- But you don't
understand.

- There's a man in
a plaid coat that's been--
- I know, not now.

I think they're onto me.
Perhaps I can show
you something

- In one of our new
perfumes, sir.
- What?

Can I be
of some assistance?

I am mr. Bunny,
the manager of the store.

- I thought you might
need some help.
- oh, mr. Bunny,

I was just showing
this gentleman some
of our new perfumes.

He expressed
a special interest
in our new jasmine.

I did?

Oh, yes, yes,
of course I did.

Yes, jasmine is really
an intriguing scent.

- Yes.
- [ Spray hisses ]

Oh, sorry about that.

Yes, well,
it's quite lovely,

But perhaps another time.
I think I'll just
run along now.

But you will come back,

And that is jasmine.
You won't forget?

Jasmine.
I won't forget.

Well, goodbye,
mr. Jasmine.

- Bunny.
- Oh, yes, bunny.

I'm being followed.

Use emergency
telephone plan z.


To you.

Use emergency
telephone plan z.

- What is it, max?
- I forgot the number,
chief.

It's klondike 5-9364.

Got it.

- Klondike 5--
- no, I know the number,
chief.

I don't have
another dime.

Do you have change
for a half?

That's only 45¢.

- I'll get it
someplace else.
- Keep it, max.

I'll owe you
the nickel.

Right.

[ Rings ]

- Yes.
- Is that you, chief?

Of course it's me.
What is it you want, max?


"Jasmine."

Well, that means
she's in trouble.

Shall we move in
on the store?

No, we want to get
all of them with that
transmitting device.

We can't allow them
to get out one more
piece of information

- On project skyblast.
- right, chief.

Oh, one more thing.
I've got a lead
on a suspect

That I think you might
remember from our file
on known kaos agents.

- Can you describe him?
- Well, I'll try.

He's short,
has dark hair,

Brown eyes,
dark suit,

Vicious ugly...

And he has dimples.

Brilliant, max, I feel
as though I'm looking
right at him.

You are.

- Anything else, max?
- Just two things.

One, I'm going back
to the store.

And two, don't forget
my nickel.

What about the suspect?

Ooh, yes, the suspect.
Well, that's all being
taken care of, chief.

You see, it's an extension
of emergency telephone
plan z.

- Agent 34
will handle it.
- Good.

Pardon me.
I'd like to speak
to the young lady

Who was at this counter
earlier today.

She was going to
show me something
in new perfumes.

Oh, I am sorry.
You are mistaken.

No one but me has worked
at this counter all day.

But...

Are you sure there
wasn't a young lady
working here earlier?

She was demonstrating
a perfume called jasmine.

I am positive.
Perhaps it was
another store.

Oh, well,
maybe you're right.

Uh, I'll come
back later.

May I help you?

Perhaps if you would
come back next week

We would have something
that you like much better.

The girl got away
from gorcheck.

- Are the exits covered?
- Yes.

we know she has
not left the store,
and we have her g*n.

In a few minutes
the store will be
closed for the day.

We can conduct
a complete search.

There was a man here
a moment ago asking for her.

He said something
about jasmine.

Jasmine-- that must
be the one who was
here before,

the one leopold
was following.

We must find him
and the girl at once

And liquidate
them both.



I think
they're onto us.

Those other three
control agents have
been taken care of.

Now find
the man and the girl

And destroy them.

[ Blows ]

Fang, 99 is in danger.
We've got to find her
before kaos does.

Now here's her glove.

Take a sniff.
No, fang, give it back.

Give it back.
Okay, now you
know what to do.

Man on pa:
the store will be
closed in five minutes.

- 86.
- Fang, come over here.

Come on.
Are you all right, 99?

Now that you're here,
max, and you too, fang.

Oh, max, I've discovered
their secret transmitting
device.

- Oh, good, what is it?
- This. Watch.

Girl's voice:
hello, my name
is polly dolly.

i can talk.
i can say many things.
please feed me.

now burp me.

Why, that's fantastic.

What is she trying
to tell us?

Well, this is
the recording that comes
with the doll normally.

But mr. Bunny switches
tape cartridges

From specially
marked dolls

With new cartridges
containing the stolen
information.

Then the special dolls
are just sent out
of the country.

Of course. Amazing.

We've gotta get this
information to control
right away.

Right.

I've been getting
outside interference

And channel problems
on this thing.

Hello, control,
this is 86.

I have vital information
for you.

Come in, control.

- [ static whines ]
- yeah, now get up.

[ Shouting ]

[ g*nf*re ]

Just as I thought.

I'm getting
an outside channel.


Try and find

Our way out
of one of the exits.

Mr. Bunny:
the store is now closed.

You cannot escape.
We have locked every door.

I have men stationed
at every exit.

give yourselves up.

repeat--
give yourselves up.

Well, that does it.
We're gonna have to
sh**t our way out.

Well, what if we
don't make it?

We've gotta get this
information back to control.

- I have an idea.
- What?

For the last time,
give yourselves up.

There's no one
in the sports section

And nothing in lingerie.

Knowledge of the doll
transmitter must not pass
into the hands of control.

I give you five minutes
to find the girl.

We must find her.
He will liquidate us!

This vent is too small
for either me or you
to get through, 99.

Fang's the only one
that can do it.

Fang, you've gotta
take this doll

- And get it to the chief.
- Try it, fang.

Here, try it again, boy.

Fang, like this.

Come on,
go get it, fang.

Good boy, fang.

Okay, the information's
on its way. Now what, max?

- Well, I've got to find
another way out of here.
- Right.

- You stay here.
- No, I wanna go
with you.

But you'll be safe here.

Oh, max.

Before you go,
I just want...

Remember,
complete silence.

[ Notes play ]

Gorcheck, they're
in the music section.

We will get them.

Oh, max, there's
too much light.
They'll see us for sure.

You're right.
Well, I'll take
care of that.

[ glass shattering ]

Good sh**ting, 86.

Look, there's one more.

- [ Click ]
- I'm all out of b*ll*ts.

Why don't you try
the light switch?

- Of course.
The light switch!
- Good thinking.

There they go, gorcheck.

- [ Whines ]
- what is it, k-13?

Very, very good,
thank you.

Max's voice:
chief, this is
maxwell smart,

agent 86.

the spies have been using
these dolls to transmit
stolen information

by substituting
their own tape cartridges.

99 and I are
at the store,

and it looks like
we're in for it.

Hodgkins, I want every
available agent ready

To move out
on the double.

that's it, chief.

Girl's voice:
now burp me.

Shh!

It's mr. Bunny.


Fingers crossed.

I'm going to
try a big bluff.

All right,
don't anybody move.

If I go,
your boss goes with me.

So there you are.

I'm curious
to know the name
of the man

Who has placed our
magnificent plan
in jeopardy.

Smart, maxwell smart.

Oh, the famous
maxwell smart.

I am conrad bunny.

Oh, yes, of course.

The infamous herr bunny.

- Do you know 99?
- Not officially.


The infamous
conrad bunny.

- Bunny, 99.
- How do you do?

Pleased to make
your acquaintance, fraulein.

Oh, we can use
mr. Bunny

To get us out
of here.


If you don't mind,

- I'd like
to handle this myself.
- Right.

Mr. Bunny,
we're going to use you
to get us out of here.

You are going
no place, mr. Smart.

I am simply amusing
myself at your expense.

I know your g*n
is empty.

Would you be willing
to bet your life on it?

i'm glad you didn't
bet, mr. Bunny,

Because you see,
you happen to have
been right.

This g*n is empty.

But I have another g*n.

Another bluff,
mr. Smart?

Get them!
They are unarmed.

Gorcheck, frieda,
where are you?

Come help me
find my monocle.

Oh, I am helpless
without my monocle.

- Find it, find it!
- [ crunch ]

- What was that?
- I found it.

Don't just stand there,
you fools.

Go and look for them!

Oh, it looks like we're
in big trouble, max.

I know.
I'm out of water.

[ footsteps approaching ]

Oh, they missed us,

But it's only a matter
of time until they
find us here.

I think our best plan
is to try to get back
to the music section

And see if we can
sneak through the vent.

What if they spot us?

Well, then my plan
is this-- I'll act
as decoy,

Lead them in one
direction, and you
go through the vent.

Oh, max, what about you?
They've got g*ns.

Well, if I don't
make it, 99,

- I want you to do
something for me.
- What is it, max?

The chief owes me
a nickel. I'd like
you to have it.

- Oh, max.
- Shh!

Now's our chance.
Unless I miss my guess,

They have no idea
where we are.

- [ b*llet ricochets ]
- [ 99 screams ]

Okay, 99,
your turn to guess.

Max, look out!

If only these things
would work.

- Hey!
- What's the matter
with you? Use your g*n!

Pick up your p*stol.
sh**t, sh**t!

Keep firing, 99.
I think we got 'em!

Stand up, you cowards!
sh**t, sh**t!

"Destructo,
the toy manufacturer's
ultimate w*apon."

They are using
destructo!

[ expl*si*n ]

Max!

You were wonderful.

No, 99, the real credit
belongs to these toys.

After all, we had
at our disposal

Every fiendish and destructive
plaything ever devised

For the pleasure
of little children.

Those poor devils,
all they had were
real g*ns and b*ll*ts.

You did a fine job,
max.

All right,
let's take them in.

After you, herr bunny.

- Watch out, max!
- No one move!

Don't be a fool,
herr bunny. You can't
get out of here.

I may not be able
to escape, mr. Smart,

But at least I can take
one of you with me.

- Which shall it be?
- Max: leave the girl out
of this.

No, max,
you're more important.

- If you're gonna sh**t
someone, sh**t me.
- Don't pay attention to her.

Even a rat like you
couldn't sh**t down
a girl in cold blood.

That's all I need
to know, mr. Smart.

- I want you to remember
this moment forever.
- No!

- [ g*nsh*t ]
- oh, max!

[ theme music playing ]