02x23 - Where-What-How-Who Am I?

[bunniefuu]

Now you men have been
called to this meeting

Because you best represent
those traditions and standards

That kaos holds dear:

Loyalty, bravery

And m*rder.

What I'm about to tell you is
one of the most sinister plots

That kaos has ever
devised against america,

So I must caution you
against loose talk.

Word must never leave this room.

Man: all right, all right,
schnell, out with it.

what is the plot?

Schnell: tomorrow afternoon
at jet space laboratories

A group of america's
top space scientists

Will be blown to smithereens.

Man: but, schnell,
jet space labs...

It is one of the most tightly
guarded installations.

how do we pass their security?

Now, petroff, I show you.

We drive right
through the front gate.

Americans and their
stupid coffee break.

tomorrow afternoon at 2:15

willie's snack truck will be
outside the propulsion lab

At precisely the same
moment the space scientists

Will be concluding
their inspection tour.

When they step outside
of the building... Kaboom!

So...

The old
b*mb-in-a-snack-truck trick.

Hello, chief?

Yes, max, what's up?

Listen, chief, I've just
uncovered a vicious plot

To m*rder a group of
our top space scientists.

Where, max, where?

In the next room. Right
here in the park savoy hotel.

Are the scientists
staying at that hotel?

No, chief, kaos
is at this hotel.

Schnell and petroff are here.

Schnell and petroff?

Max, they're number one and two
on control's 10-most-wanted spy list.

One and two? I thought
they were nine and 10.

Well, they were, but when the last ratings
came in, they jumped to one and two.

But I don't understand, chief.

Kaos has better K*llers and
murderers than schnell and petroff.

That's the way our
business works, max.

They don't go by how good
you are, they go by the rating.

There you have it, gentlemen.

That concludes our briefing.

Now remember, the
key word is secrecy.

Schnell here.

Are you sure?

All right, I will
take care of it.

That was kaos communications.

Smart is in the next room.

- Smart?
- Shh! He's listening.

You stay here, you come with me.

Have you got a pencil, chief?

Okay, write this down.

At exactly 2:15...

Hold on, chief.

I think there's
someone at the door.

Where am i?

You're in general
hospital, mr. Smart.

You were in an
automobile accident.

An automobile accident.

Yes, of course. I've
got to get out of here.

Mr. Smart, you
have a head injury.

Now the doctor insists you
be kept here for observation.

Yes, well, you tell the doctor
that I've got to get out of here.

The security of the
nation may be at stake.

Well, you'll have to think
of a better one than that.

- Where are my clothes?
- Mr. Smart!

No one leaves this hospital
without the doctor's permission.

I'll get him here right away.

Doctor, dr. Mangle.

It's mr. Smart in number 612.

Yes, nurse, what about him?

Bad news, doctor.
He's feeling better.

I was afraid of this.

Well, he wants to leave
the hospital immediately.

Yes, he'll go
directly to control

And kaos will punish us for
destroying their most ingenious plan.

- We must silence smart.
- But how, doctor, how?

Hmm. Prepare the hypodermic.

- The death syrup?
- Yes, and sterilize the needle.

Sterilize the needle?
But if we're gonna k*ll him...

Nurse! I may be
working for kaos,

But I am still a doctor.

Woman over p.a.:
dr. Mangle, telephone.

- dr. Mangle, telephone.
- dr. Mangle here.

Yes, krauss, thank you.

What is it, doctor?

Chief of control and 99,

They're on their
way up to see smart.

Well, it's too late to
give him the hypo now.

And once they've
talked to him, we're lost.

These amnesia pills...
It's our only chance.

Amnesia pills, doctor?

Yes, the newest discovery
from the laboratories of kaos.

One of these pills

And the victim loses
his memory for one hour.

That's a great step
forward in medicine.

Yes, and you can get them
without a prescription.

Now get going.

You stall off the visitors

- While I administer to the patient.
- All right.

Mr. Smart. Mr. Smart?

Yes, doctor.

Mr. Smart, what are
you doing in that suit?

Oh, well, I know
it needs pressing,

But after all, I was in a wreck.

Mr. Smart, you are recovering
from a very serious accident.

Now I insist you get back into that bed
and take one of these pills immediately.

I'm sorry, doctor, I have no time
for that. My country is in danger.

Well, unless you
take this pill, you'll die.

I may be patriotic,
but I'm not a fanatic.

All right, doctor, I'll take
this pill, but then I'm leaving.

I must contact my
chief immediately.

Oh, max! Thank heaven
you're all right.

Who are you people?
What do you want?

Doctor, what's wrong?

Well, he's had a
slight concussion.

His memory has become affected.

Max, it's me,

- The chief.
- The chief?

Well, you don't look
like an indian to me.

- Max!
- Please, madam, who are you?

I'm 99.

Well, you look pretty
good for your age.

Max, don't you remember me?

Yes, you are the one
with the cold hands.

Max, we both work for
control. You're an agent.

An agent?

That's funny.

I always wanted to
be a radio announcer.

Chief: max, this is important,

Try to remember.

We were talking on
the phone last night.

You were telling me about a
plot to k*ll our space scientists.

Did you call the police?

Doctor, we must
have this information.

Isn't there
something you can do?

I'm afraid not. These
things take time.

Chief, maybe when we get max back to
headquarters he'll start to remember.

- Remember what?
- it's our only hope.

Doctor, we've got
to take him with us.

All right, if it is
absolutely necessary,

But I insist that he take one
of these pills every hour.

One pill every hour.
What are they, doctor?

It's a new drug
essential to his recovery.

Now, if he fails to take just
one at the prescribed time

His loss of memory
could become permanent.

Oh, he'll remember.
Won't you, max?

of course I'll remember.

You're the chief, you're


No, max, she's 99, he's the
doctor and I'm the chief.

Oh, well, I may not remember
names, but I never forget a face.

Come on, max.

Think, max, think!

I am thinking. I'm
trying to think,

I just can't seem to get
my thoughts in focus.

Well, let's go
over it all again.

Now the last thing you said to
me on the phone was that kaos

Was plotting to k*ll some of
our nation's top space scientists.

- I said that?
- Yes.

Well, then it must be true. I
wouldn't lie about a thing like that.

Max, nobody is
accusing you of lying.

We just want to know
where and how it will happen.

Try to remember, max, time is running out.
- 30.

- 12:30?
- Yes. Does that mean anything to you?

Of course. It's lunch time.

How about some chinese food?

Maybe I'm pushing you too hard.
Maybe we should go out and get a snack.

Snack?

- Did you say snack?
- Yes.

Wait a minute. Snack, snack. I seem
to remember something about...

- Something about a snack truck.
- What about a snack truck?

Well, kaos said that they
were gonna get this truck and...

- Time for your pill, max.
- Hold it a second, 99.

Chief, you know what the
doctor said. If he doesn't take

This pill on time his amnesia
may become permanent.

All right, but make it fast.
He was just onto something.

All right, max, now what
about the snack truck?

What snack truck? Who are
you people? What do you want?

What am I doing here?

It's hopeless, 99. He
can't remember anything.

Maybe if I take him back to the hotel
room where he made the phone call

Maybe the familiar
surroundings will strike a chord.

Wait a minute, I've got an idea.

Why don't I go back to the
hotel room with this young lady

And maybe the familiar
surroundings will strike a chord?

He's beginning to
sound like himself, 99.

We have a little
surprise for you, max.

- A surprise?
- Yes, max.

Here.

The keys to your apartment?

You little tiger, you.

- Max, stop that!
- Chief, he doesn't know what he's doing.

Max, these are keys
to your new car.

- Oh, my new car?
- Yes, it's waiting for you downstairs.

Come on, I'll show it to you.

Now notice these switches, max.

Now this one will send an
oil slick out of the tailpipe.

That's very handy in
case you're being pursued.

Now this knob will produce smoke
billows from the front or the rear

depending upon
which way you turn it.

Now this switch
controls the antenna.

Actually it's a radar device
which projects an image

Here on this screen.
How do you like it?

Oh, that's great, chief.
And I like the accessories.

They are better than the edsel.

Max, this car has some

Fantastically clever devices.

For instance, under the hood.

What's this, chief?

It's the horn, max.

Well, that's not so clever.

Max, will you push the switch
on the extreme left, please?

it's a high-velocity
.50-caliber machine g*n, max.

- Now over here...
- What's this?

That's the trigger, max.

Sorry about that, chief.

Lower the machine g*n, will you?

Now in case you
should have a passenger

And it turned out
to be a kaos agent,

Do this.

Say, that's great, chief.

Why, they'll sell a
million of these cars.

Every married man in the
country will want one.

Within an hour it'll be too
late to save those scientists.

Oh, here's 99 now. You
two get over to that hotel.

All right, max, it's all yours.

Oh, well, that's
very sweet of you.

I mean, to give an expensive
present like this to me

And you a perfect stranger.

I am not a perfect stranger!

Well, you could be if you
wouldn't holler so much.

Why are we parking
behind the hotel, max?

Because if we park out front

There's always a chance of
being blocked by other cars,

And we may have
to leave in a hurry.

Good thinking, max.

What do we do now, max?

Eh, yes, well, I'll just
back the car up a little

And let you out and
then I'll pull it in again.

But that's not gonna work,
max. You'll still be stuck.

Good thinking.

it's more important for you
to get into that hotel room

Than it is for me. Come on,
let's climb out over the top.

Hey, you'd better
give me your hand.

- I won't fall, max.
- No, but I might.

Oh, wait a minute, what
about the luggage?

- What luggage?
- Well, don't you remember?

Every control agent has a set of
various kinds of luggage in his trunk.

- What for?
- For emergencies such as this.

We can't go into a hotel lobby without
any luggage. It'll arouse suspicion.

Hmm, maybe you're right.

- Okay, let's go get a suitcase.
- Right.

Oh, no, not that one,
max. That's full of samples.

That's for when you pose
as a traveling salesman.

Well, why don't I just tell the desk
clerk that I'm a traveling salesman?

How would you explain me?

I could say that you were
the farmer's daughter.

Use the honeymoon kit, max.

The honeymoon kit?

Sure. We used it before
and it worked just fine.

Oh, really, you and i?
Together we used it?

Oh, max, don't tell me you
don't remember that either.

No, I don't.

Remember, max,
when we get inside

If they ask if we're
married, I'm mrs. Smart.

Right. Who am i?

- Mr. Smart.
- Good.

It worked out perfectly.

Max, wait! Cradlemeyer,
the kaos agent is out front.

We can't let him see us.

Wait a minute, 99.

That looks like a hall window.

Now if I could just
get in that window...

But how can you, max?
We don't have a ladder.

Hmm... I've got it!

The ejector seat.

What are you gonna do, max?

I'm gonna put myself
into this ejector seat

And then you're
gonna push that button

And sh**t me up to that window.

Well, what about me?

Well, once I get up there
I'll find a rope someplace,

Lower it down and pull you up.

Are you sure this is gonna work?

Don't worry. Once I'm up there
I'll grab that window ledge.

It can't miss. Go ahead,
press the button.

- Okay, let's go.
- Where to, max?

The hospital. I think I just
broke every bone in my body.

Max, look, there's
cradlemeyer. He's leaving.

Good. Let's drive around
and go in the front way.

Well, according to the register,
this is the room you occupied, max.

Does anything ring a bell?

- Yes, but I find that hard to believe.
- What, max?

Well, that I would stay in
such a cheap crummy room.

Why, there isn't even
a television set here.

Max, you were here
because you uncovered

A kaos plot to k*ll
our top scientists.

Don't you remember anything?

I don't know what's the matter with
me. I used to have such a brilliant mind...

Quick and incisive. Now I can
barely remember my own name.

- Think, max, think.
- Max, that's it, that's my name.

Max, maybe if you could retrace

All of the events leading
up to the phone call,

Then maybe you could remember.

- You think so?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, it's worth a try.

Now let me see...

- I remember coming into the room.
- Good.

- I was with a bellboy.
- Right.

I remember because I asked him to
open the windows, fluff up the pillows,

Get me some clean towels
and a pitcher of ice water.

- Then I gave him a dime.
- What did he say?

You don't remember?

Well, yes, I remember, but
I'm ashamed to repeat it.

Max, keep trying to remember the
events leading up to the phone call.

Phone call?

Yes, what were you doing
exactly before you made the call?

What was I doing? Let me
see now... What was I doing?

Wait a minute. Wait
a minute, I remember.

I was listening
against this wall.

Good, max, keep going.

I had my electronic bug in
my pocket, and I took it out,

And I placed it against
this wall, just about here.

And what did you hear?

Well I think the couple in the next
room were having a terrible fight.

No, max, there was no
couple in the next room.

- That was schnell and petroff.
- Schnell and...

Schnell and petroff, of course.

And cradlemeyer, now I remember.

They were hatching a plot, a plot
to k*ll some of our top scientists.

What are they gonna do, max?

The snack truck.
The snack truck.

They're gonna rig a b*mb on
a snack truck and blow it up!

Of course.

The old b*mb-
in-a-snack-truck trick. That's it.

Where are they gonna do it, max?

Uh, let's see, this afternoon.

This afternoon at 2:15 at...

- It's 1:30.
- No, 2:15.

No, max, it's 1:30. It's
time for your pill.

- Oh.
- Here.

Thank you, I'm glad
you remembered.

Okay, max, now where?
Where is this going to happen?

Where is what going to happen?

The snack truck!

Oh, is the snack truck
here? Good. I'm starving.

I'll have a ham and cheese
sandwich. How about you?

Oh, max! Our top scientists are
gonna be blown up by a snack truck.

We have less than an hour left.

An hour? My watch
must have stopped.

No, max, that's not your watch.
That's your wrist recorder.

Wait a minute. Did you
have this on last night?

Well, I must have. I don't
remember taking it of.

Oh, let's hope you
had it turned on.

Schnell: what I'm
about to tell you

is one of the
most sinister plots

that kaos has ever
devised against america.

That's schnell!

You were recording
while you were listening.

a group of america's
top space scientists

will be blown to smithereens.

Petroff: but schnell,
jet space labs...

Come on, max, I'll call
the chief on the way.



What is it?

There's someone in the hall.
We may have been followed.

Is it kaos?

It's worse. It's the
house detective.

Schnell: thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks a lot, everybody.
Enjoy your snacks.

I'll see you tomorrow.
Keep those missiles flying.

Petroff.

Obviously, smart's
amnesia is working.

We couldn't have gone this
far if control knew the plan.

You're right. I think we
can proceed with safety.

After the b*mb explodes,

In the excitement we
will go out the front gate.

Cradlemeyer will be
waiting for us in the car.

Schnell, look, the scientists.

- They're coming.
- Quick, petroff,

Set the timer and
get out of here.

- It's set to go off.
- All right, let's go.

Stand back! Get
away from that truck!

Take cover! Protect yourselves!

Max, look, they
are stealing a jeep.

Now they won't get far.

This is maxwell smart.
This is maxwell smart.

Attention all gates!
This is a code 10!

Repeat, a code 10!

Quick, petroff, we'll
go the other way.

There they are!

- Quick, open the gate!
- Do you have a pass?

Here, I'm with control.
Take a look at this.

Oh, I'll open it right away.

Max, there they are!

Head for the south end
of the camp. There's a wall.

We'll scale it and escape.

Schnell, they're gaining on us!

I will take care of them.

They're sh**ting, max!

Not only that, but
they are speeding!

I'll give them a blast
with the machine g*n.

No, max, that's the radio.

Radio? What's a radio
doing in the radio?

It must be that
button on the right.

Are you sure you're right?

Positive. Push it!


Button. That's the smoke screen!

Max, the smoke! I can't see!

That's funny, I'm having
the same trouble on my side.

Good work, max. You
forced them to crash.

All right, schnell, petroff,
get out of there, come on.

Max!

Well, chief, you
got here just in time.

Here they are, and we've got
'em all the way down the line.

You can throw the book
at them... m*rder, espionage

And dispensing food
without a license.

All right, larrabee, you and 99
take 'em down to headquarters.

Right, chief. All right,
let's go. Move out.

We got cradlemeyer
outside of the gate.

Are you all right? I got
here as soon as I could.

Yes, I'm fine, chief,
but you look terrible.

Here, you'd better sit
down and take a rest.

We went 90 miles
an hour all the way.

Well, that's too fast
for a man your age, chief,

Especially without a hat.

You're right, i... I
guess I overdid it.

You just take it easy, chief, and
I'll drive you down to headquarters.

- Feel like a cigarette?
- Oh, that's very thoughtful of you, max.

- Light?
- Yeah.

Oh boy, is he gonna tell me off.

As soon as he comes to.