04x22 - Shock It to Me

[bunniefuu]

This is Maxwell Smart calling CONTROL.



- Put me through to the Chief.



- ( phone rings )

I'll get it.

This is the Chief, Max.

Go ahead.

( coughs )

Gesundheit.

I didn't sneeze, Max, I coughed.

Where are you? Well, I just swung off the main highway about 10 minutes ago.

I'm approximately three miles from a place called Hotchkiss Corners.

Good, Max.

Now

-

- ( coughs )



- Gesundheit.



- I'm not sneezing, Max.

I'm coughing.

According to our tip, KAOS will attempt to hijack your truck somewhere in the next two miles.

Don't worry, Chief, I'll be ready for them.

Remember, Max, KAOS has already h*jacked three of these trucks filled with electronic equipment and

-

- Gesundheit.

I'm not sneezing, Max.

I'm coughing.

Now in order to find out what KAOS is up to with this equipment, we must take a prisoner for interrogation.

Got you, Chief.

Max, we're on a side road parallel to yours.

As soon as you signal us, we'll close in.

( sneezes )

That was a sneeze, Max.

Oh, that's funny, Chief.

Sounded just like a cough.

You're not catching cold, are you? No, Max.

Oh.

Well, if you are, there's something you oughta take.



- What's that?

- Steam.

Good luck, Max.

Larrabee, notify all units to stand by.

( coughs )

Gesundheit, Chief.

Larrabee calling all units.

I'm sorry, but my motor d*ed and I don't know anything about cars.

Could you please take a look at it? Okay.

Sure was lucky for me that you came along.

How come you use this road? Not too many people know about it.

The guy at the service station on the highway told me this was a shortcut.

I sure appreciate your help.

Oh, here's the latch.

Sorry.

It's quite all right.

Now, let's see what we've got here.

Well, of course.

There's your trouble.

Somebody disconnected your distributor cap.



- Really?

- Sure.

This should be connected

-

-

- ( crackles )



- The guy at the service station must have loosened that when he checked the engine.

Can you fix it? Eh, yes, I think so.

Eh, look, if you don't mind, I can't work with somebody looking over my shoulder like that.

I'm sorry.

I'll

-

- I'll wait over here.

( engine sputters )

( engine starts )

( revs )

It's okay now.

Thanks a lot, Mac.

I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come along.

That's all right.

Uh, I got grease all over my hands.

I don't wanna get your gloves dirty.

Now listen, all you have to do is to let it idle for a few minutes and then you can drive off.

( chuckles )

Right.

Well, uh, thanks again.

This is Maxwell Smart calling CONTROL.



- Put me through to the Chief.



- ( ringing )



- Go ahead, Max.



- Uh, Chief, for a moment, it looked like I had contacted the hijacker, but it turned out to be a guy whose car broke down.

Max, are you sure it wasn't some kind of a trick? I'm positive, Chief.

If it was the hijacker, he would have stolen the truck and I wouldn't be sitting here now.

I guess you're right, Max.

Keep your eyes open.

Humph.

Right, Chief.

( theme music playing )

Look at that list, Max.

That truck contained electronic equipment vital to the United States.

I know that, Chief.

Do you know the trouble I'll be in when I explain to the president that the truck was h*jacked while you were driving it?! Why don't you tell him one of the regular drivers was driving it? And be in trouble with the Teamsters Union? I'd rather be in trouble with the president.

At least Max got a good look at the hijacker, Chief.

That oughta help some.

You're right, 99.

Max, can you give us an accurate description of that man? I'll never forget him as long as I live, Chief.

How tall was he? Mmm, let's see, uh

- Make that 10".



- Suspect under six feet.



- Or over.



- What color were his eyes? That was hard to tell, Chief.

He was wearing dark glasses.



- What about his hair?

- He was wearing a hat.



- Did he have any noticeable scars?

- He was wearing a suit.



- I mean on his hands or neck.



- He was wearing a scarf and gloves.

Did you notice anything about him at all?! He was a very snappy dresser.

Larrabee, bring in the files on all KAOS agents.

No.

Nope.

No.



- And that's not him either.



- Well, that's it.



- What about this file, Chief?

- No, Max, he wouldn't be in that file.



- You never can tell.



- It's impossible for him to be

-

- Wait a minute, Chief.

That's him!

- Impossible!

- Why? Isn't he a KAOS agent? Well, yes, but

-

- Then give me one good reason why it couldn't be him.

Because that man is dead! I asked you for a good reason, not a terrific one.

Gentlemen, you say this is government business? The security and the future of the entire world may depend on it.

Besides that, it's important.

I'll get the reports on these four men from the files.

Excuse me.

I don't understand, Chief.

I thought we were checking out the man who h*jacked Max's truck.

We are, 99.

What about the other three names on the list? They're the men who h*jacked the other three electronic trucks.

Why are we checking them out out of the morgue, Chief? I talked to the drivers of the other three trucks and got the descriptions of the KAOS agents who h*jacked them.



- Don't tell me they were dead too.



- They were dead too.

I asked you not to tell me that.

All four of them were k*lled two months ago during an attempted robbery at Fort Knox.

Wait a minute, Chief.

I read about that case in the papers.

Three guys went into Fort Knox and they got 600 lbs of gold bars, put them in a sack, dropped them from the roof to a guy who was waiting on the ground below.

That's right, Max.

Then all three guys on the roof were sh*t down.

How did the fourth man die, Max? He caught the sack.

But, Chief, if all those men are dead, how could they possibly have h*jacked those trucks? Unless I'm wrong, 99, and I certainly hope I am, KAOS has found a way of bringing their dead agents back to life again.

But if they can do that, it will be virtually impossible to wipe out KAOS.

Yes, but on the other hand, 99, if we can find out how they do it, it will be a boon to medical science.

And my cousin Harvey.

Your cousin Harvey? He's a cab driver.

Max, how could a cab driver possibly benefit from bringing people back to life again? Harvey is a terrible driver.

Here you are, sir.

If you'll excuse me, I have some work to attend to.

Thank you.

You've been most helpful.

Excuse me, but I've always been curious

-

- what makes a person wanna work in morgue? I like a job where you meet people.

Just as I suspected

-

- all four bodies were claimed within one hour after they were brought in.

Do you know who claimed the bodies, Chief?

- They were all claimed by one person.



- 99: Who is that, Chief? Dr.

Eric Zharko.

Dr.

Zharko? KAOS's mad scientist?! But, Chief, that's not possible.

He was arrested by the Transylvania Highway Patrol over a year ago and ex*cuted.

Well, that's probably when he decided to experiment with bringing people back to life.

While he was dead? He probably had a lot of time on his hands.

Zharko has been working on this theory all his life.

His getting captured and ex*cuted was a supreme test.

Obviously, he succeeded.

Chief? Zharko once had a secret laboratory hidden in a cave on a small island just off the coast of Newfoundland.

He must be working out of there.

And you want 99 and me to find it? No, I want Harry Schwartz and his tailor to find him.

Harry Schwartz and his tailor?

- Chief, don't you think 99 and I

-

-

- Max, come on! You leave immediately.

Zharko must be stopped.

Zharko, this is Obler.

Two more bodies are on their way to you.

However, these will not arrive in coffins.

They'll be walking in.

Come on, 99, hurry up! If I knew you were gonna tire so easily and be this slow, I wouldn't have brought you along with me.

( screams )

Don't ever do that.

How did you get over there? Well, you were walking so slowly, I thought I'd scout up ahead.

Any sign of Dr.

Zharko's laboratory? No, not a sign of it, Max.

We've been over every inch of this cave.



- Maybe the Chief was wrong.



- No, 99, I'm convinced that Dr.

Zharko's laboratory is in this cave, and I think it's in that direction over there.

But, Max, we've been in that direction

-

- it's a dead end.

sense of direction, and I'm telling you that we haven't tried that direction before.



- Here!

- Aren't you gonna use the torch? I don't need a torch, 99.

I also have an uncanny sense of seeing in the dark.



- ( thumps )



- ( whimpers )

Follow me.

( sinister laughter )

( gasps )

( beeping )

( beeping increases )

You rang, master? Yes, Bruce, our guests have arrived.

Throw the switch.

Yes, master, the switch.

And pick up your feet when you walk.

( whispers )

Max.

Max, it's getting awfully late.

You're right, 99.

We'll go back to the village and search the caves the first thing in the morning.

Right.

( gasps, screams )



- 99, we're trapped.



- But, Max, who would trap us? No one even knows we are here.

( sinister laughter )



- We can be thankful for one thing, 99.



- What's that? Whoever captured us has a terrific sense of humor.

( chuckles )

So, Mr.

Smart, we meet again.

We've never met before.

No? I thought we had.

Must have been your brother.

I don't have a brother.

Would you like me to make you one? Uh, no, don't bother.

Oh, it's no bother at all.

I have everything I need right here.

So that's why KAOS has been hijacking all of those trucks! Yes, to supply me with the electronic equipment I need to continue my experiments.

Then it's true

-

- you really can bring people back from the dead.

Yes, as long as I receive the bodies before rigor mortis sets in.

Well, that lets Ed Sullivan out.

By feeding small charges of electricity into the body, we reactivate the body functions.

When they're recharged, we continue feeding electricity into the body until it signals that it's ready to resume normal living.



- Is he dead?

- At the moment, yes.

One month ago this KAOS agent was ruthlessly m*rder*d in cold blood.



- By who?

- Me.

I was running short of subjects for my experimentation.

That is why I was delighted to know you two were coming along.

How did you know we were coming?

- Obler?!

- Obler.



- Obler!

- Who?! The morgue attendant Obler, Max.

Of course, the morgue attendant Obler Max.

Well, now that you have us in your power, just what do you intend to do with us? You are going to be the guinea pigs for my new experiment.

What experiment is that? Now that I have succeeded in bringing the dead back to life, I wish to be able to place the living in a state of suspended animation until I decide for them to live again.

You mean you're going to put them in storage?! Precisely.

You can't do that! Why not? I have room in the back.

You're crazy, Zharko! Now wait a minute, 99.

If he's got a lot of room in the back

-

- Max, he's mad! Mad?! ( nervous laughter )

Mad, am I? You say I'm mad?

- ( strained laughter )



- Don't do that! Do what? ( thunderclap )

Master, master.

The storm

-

-

- it's starting.



- Excellent! The lightning will give me the additional electricity I need.



- Bruce, prepare for the experiment.



- Yes, master.



- ( chuckles )



- What are you gonna do to us? I'm going to run enough electricity through your bodies to put you in a state of suspended animation for five years.

You mean we're gonna be asleep for five years?!

- Correct.



- Oh.

Do you mind if we slip into something a little more comfortable? Bruce, strap them to the table! I go to make ready.

( gasps )

( thunderclap )

Listen, Bruce, you and I can make a deal

-

- if you let us go free, I'll see that you get a lot of money.



- I have no use for money.



- Oh.

How about a pair of orthopedic shoes? ( grunts )



- ( groans )



- Good work, Max.

Hurry, Max, before Zharko gets back.

Now if we can just find our way out of here, 99.



- Which way, Max?

- ( distant footsteps )



- Shh.



- ( footsteps continue )

He's after us, 99.

Take this and get over there by that wall.

Right, Max.

( footsteps approaching )

( breathing heavily )



- ( screams )



- Hold it, Bruce! ( bones cr*ck )

Hold it, Bruce! Look how tall you are! You're all better.



- Thank you very much.



- You're welcome.

Max, up ahead.

It's another trapdoor, 99.



- Where do you think this one leads?

- I don't care, as long as it doesn't go to Dr.

Zharko's lab.

( gasps )

Max, we've made a complete circle! I do not like to be kept waiting, Mr.

Smart.

Now get on the table.



- What?

- I said, "Get on the table.

" It's time for beddy

-bye.

Oh, well, we're not tired.

You are going to sleep for five years.

But couldn't we stay up and watch television for a little while?

- ( shouts )

Get on the table!

- Okay.

Bruce, where are you, you fool? The storm is at its peak.



- Yes, master.



- Bruce

-

-

- What's happened to you?!

- It's the new me!

- How do you like it?

- Wonderful!

- Congratulations!

- ( cracks )

Sorry, Bruce.

Now for my greatest experiment! Billions of volts of electricity, and it's all in my command! Where is the extension cord? Right here, master.

Right.

Connect it.

And now, Mr.

and Mrs.

Smart, the experiment I waited a lifetime for

-

- ( groans )

( whimpers )



- ( groans )



- What's the matter? An att*ck of rheumatism.

Oh, darn the dampness in this cave.

Well, Dr.

Zharko, I guess now you won't be able to continue with your little experiment after all.

Wrong, Mr.

Smart! You see, I have also discovered a cure for rheumatism.



- Bruce! ( grunts )



- Yes, master? ( groans )



- And now, Bruce, the generator.



- Yes, master, the generator.

Oh, poor Max, How are you going to go to sleep without your teddy bear? Shh.

The voltage will automatically increase.

Within 10 minutes you will be shocked into a state of suspended animation.

This is a glorious moment, master! Yes! A moment that calls for music! Tonight, Bruce, you shall play with me! ( chuckles )

Let me help you! ( cracks )

( distorted music plays )

( sinister laughter )

( thunderclap )

Max, we'll never break this strap! I've got an idea, 99.

Lean your head a little closer.

Hurry, Max.

Hurry.

Hurry! That's it.

( sinister laughter )



- ( laughing continuing )



- Hurry, Max.

Hurry, they're almost finished.

You've almost got it.



- ( sinister laughter )



- ( music stops )

Max, they finished! One more time! Hurry, Max.

( laughing continues )

Look, master! Keep going, 99.

I'll slow them down.

Stop them! Look out! That's nitroglycerine! If you drop that, it will blow up an area equal to 2,000 megatons of the mass of the non

-fissionable materials! How big an area is that? About the size of this room.

A farewell gift, gentlemen.

Well, I guess that's the end of Dr.

Zharko, Max.

Yes.

If only he had used his genius for niceness instead of evil.

Think of all the great people he could have brought back to life.

Just think, Max

-

- Jefferson, Lincoln, Schweitzer, Einstein And Schubert

-

- especially Schubert.

Schubert? Why Schubert? He could have finished his symphony.

( theme music playing )