05x05 - The Treasure of C. Errol Madre

[bunniefuu]

Chief? Smart here. We
just passed 4th and taylor.

Max, you'd better get the
truck to the fifth national bank

Before they send out an alarm.
Now remember, in the last two weeks,

Kaos has h*jacked four armored
trucks carrying federal payrolls.

Don't worry, chief.
They won't get this one.

They'd better not. If anything
happens to the payroll

That you're carrying in that
truck, control is out of operation.

Don't worry. We're
approaching the bank right now.

We made it, chief. I'm now
checking out the street.

There's a policeman
on the corner,

But I don't think
he's a real policeman.

- What makes you think that?
- he's wearing sneakers.

That's control agent
foster. He's a very good man.

He may be a very good man,
but he's a lousy dresser.

There's also a guy selling ice
cream who's keeping his eye on us.

That's harrington.
He's with us too.

And there's a lady with a little
boy waiting at the bus stop.

- is she with control too?
- no, she isn't,

But the little boy is.

Well everything else appears
to be in order, chief.

All right, fine. Now get out of
the truck and go to the rear.

Come on, larabee. Let's go.

What happened, larabee?

Kaos was waiting for us.

This isn't a bank, it's
just a false front.

Of course! That explains it!

- Explains what?
- How they were able to make a withdrawal

Before 10:00 in the morning!

Morning, max.

Chief, what are you
doing in the elevator?

Come on in. I'll
explain it to you.

What happened?

When kaos h*jacked that
money from us yesterday,

It put us in deep
financial trouble.

This is now control's
temporary headquarters.

- In an elevator?
- It was this or the men's room.

- Oh, hi, 99.
- What's all this?

Come on in. I don't want to
attract any undue attention.

You got enough room?

Well, today I have;
tomorrow I'm not so sure.

I was just explaining to max that
control is going out of business.

We don't have enough
capital to continue operating.

But that's terrible, chief.

Come in, kincaid.
You too, foster.

I've sent for all of our men to
inform them of our predicament.

- They should be here soon.
- Mcdonald may be a little late.

He always uses the stairs.

Yes?

Larabee: the
pentagon's calling, chief.

Tell them I'll call them
back in about 10 minutes.

- Where have you got larabee stashed?
- Larabee.

Yes, chief?

Oh hi, max, 99, fellas.

What did you want, chief?

Nothing, max just wanted
to see where you were.

- Oh. I'm up here, max.
- He can see you, larabee.

- Then what did you call me for?
- That'll be all.

There's a draft in
here. Shut your floor.

All right,
nicholson. Come on in.

Right, chief. In here, fellas.

Chief, I make a motion we
close the elevator doors.

Chief, I make a
motion we all inhale.

Hey, max, I made my motion
before you made your motion.

I know, but if we don't
do my motion first,

We won't be able
to do your motion.

Max is right, foster.
Unless we all inhale,

We can't get the doors
closed. Everybody inhale!

Everybody exhale.

Gentlemen, it is my
painful duty to inform you

That effective immediately control
is going out of business temporarily.

You are all relieved of duty.

Is it really that bad, chief?

I'm afraid so. I even have to be out of
this elevator by the end of the week.

What a terrible time to be laid
off... Right before the holidays.

- What holidays?
- All of them, chief.

- This is only january.
- Ow!

- What the matter, 99?
- I just got kicked.

- All right, fellas. Now watch it!
- Max, the baby.

- Larabee, what are you doing?
- Interoffice memo, chief.

This may be the break we've been
waiting for. I asked the c.i.a. And f.b.i.

If they'd share some of
their federal funds with us.

It's a waste of time. You know
what they'll tell you to do.

I have to go to the
city morgue right away.

- See?
- You're going with me, max.

We may not have to shut
down control after all.

Before I adjourn the meeting,
does anybody have any questions?

- I do.
- What is it, baxter?

I'm not baxter. My
name is sullivan.

You're not with control.
What are you doing here?

I was on my way to
the eighth floor.

I'm late for a
dental appointment.

I'm sorry if we've
inconvenienced you, mr. Sullivan.

I'll open the doors for you.

Do you know who
this man was, max?

Frogsie debs?

He could've been one of
the richest men in the world.

- Really?
- He was a prospector.

He discovered the
location of a lost gold mine.

A lost go... Of course!
That explains everything!

That's why he was k*lled
and that's why we're here.

- Go on.
- Huh?

I want to know if you've put all
the facts together correctly.

Yes, the facts. Well, I
haven't all the facts.

I mean, there is still few
things that are a little hazy.

- Like what?
- Like what we're talking about.

Max, on that table
are all that remain

Of the worldly
goods of frogsie debs.

I want everything on that
table examined inside and out

- What are we looking for?
- A map.

A map?


And his partner,

A man by the name
of c. Errol madre,

discovered a lost
gold mine in mexico.

They were too weak and sick to
carry the gold out, so they drew a map.

Because they didn't
trust each other,

They tore the map in
half so that one half

would be no good
without the other half.

Then they went
their separate ways,

vowing to come back for the
gold when their health returned.

Why didn't frogsie
ever go back, chief?

Because he's been in
prison for the past 14 years.

And all that time madre has
been sitting down there in mexico

With his half of the map
waiting for debs to show up.

Hmm. Is he gonna
be disappointed.

No, he's not, max, because you
bear a striking resemblance

To debs. You're
gonna take his place.

But that's ridiculous. I don't
even know what debs talks like.

- I don't know what his mannerisms are...
- Max, we have tapes,

We have films, we have movies
taken while he was in prison.

I'm sure you'll be
able to pull it off.

That's providing we can
find deb" part of the map.

Right, it's got to
be here somewhere.

Here's something interesting.

Look what happens when I
hold this shirt up to the light.

How about that? It
blocks out the light.

Max, someone has sewn a crude
map on the back of this shirt.

I think we found our map!

Max, you leave for
mexico immediately.

You start...

Right here...

In a place called mira lodo.

- What'll you have?
- Where is everybody?

Banditos came through here an
hour ago and took all our women.

Oh. Well, why didn't
you go after them?

Have you ever seen our women?

So this is mira lodo, eh?

- It is.
- What does that mean?

Mira lodo means
"look at the mud."

I see. Well, what do you do
around here for excitement?

- Look at the mud.
- Look, soldier,

I'm looking for a guy by
the name of c. Errol madre.

- You know where I can find him?
- Wait here.

Another one here
thinks he's frogsie debs.

Shall I go out back and
start digging another grave?

Start digging.

What do you want?

- C. Errol?
- Is that you, frogsie?

Well if it ain't, it's a
pretty good imitation.

- You bring the map?
- Of course I brought the map.

- Where is it?
- I'm wearing it.

Only frogsie would know the
map is on his shirt. It is you, frogsie!



You wanna know something? 15
Years, you haven't changed a bit.

You're still wearing the
same clothes. Why is that?

I'm camp.

I've been waiting a long time. What
do you say we get started manana?

Well, if it's all the
same to you, c. Errol,

I'd just as soon as
start tomorrow.

Unless of you want to
start manana. It's up to you.

- Let's start tomorrow.
- Well, that's when I prefer, anyway.

We're going to have
to buy a lot of things...

g*ns, a*mo, food, and
we're gonna need some mules.

- Yes, and don't forget about soap.
- What do you need soap for?

Well, I like to wash my
mouth out occasionally.

Wait a minute, madre.

I've got to rest.
I'm all pooped out.

We haven't got time. Keep
moving, frogsie. Keep moving.

Come on!

How much distance do
you think we've covered

- Since we left mira lodo?
- I'd say about a mile and a half.

- Is that good or bad?
- Well, that depends.

- On what?
- If you're going to mira lodo, it's good.

If you're going away from
it, it's bad. Come on, let's go.

Wait a minute, madre.
My feet are k*lling me.

I'm gonna rest here for a while. You
go on ahead, I'll catch up with you later.

All right, hurry it up. We
haven't got too much time.

Come on.

Hello, 99? It's me, max.

Max, I'm so glad you called!
I was so worried about you!

Don't worry about me.
How are you feeling?

I'm fine. How's it going?

Contact the chief and tell him
everything is going perfectly so far.

Hold it, max. You can tell
him yourself. He's right here.

Hello, max.

Chief, what are you
doing in my apartment?

I told you I had to be out of the
elevator by the end of the week max.


To let us run control

Out of your apartment
while you're gone.

- How's it going, max?
- Great, chief.

Madre bought the whole thing.
He really thinks I'm frogsie debs.



Kaos? Madre.

Everything is going
exactly as we've planned,

Except that maxwell smart
showed up, not frogsie debs.

But he does have
the map with him.

Yeah yeah, I know what to do.

As soon as we find
the gold, k*ll him.

Yeah, I'll be in touch. 10-4.

We're gonna have to use your
part of the map. Mine just ran out.

Here, hold this.

Now I know we go due north.

We're looking... We're
looking for a cave.

Hold it a minute, frogsie.

Turn around, let me take
another look at the map here.

Let's see. Now it ought to be

Right around here someplace.

It's over that hill.

Go take a look, see
what you can find.

Madre, the cave... It's there.

And the gold.

This is the last of it, madre.

Well, should we start back?

Just as soon as I take
care of one little thing.

We've got company. Get these
mules in the back of the cave.

Man: amigos!

Madre: what do you want?

Amigos, we wish to have
a little talk with you.

- Who is it, madre?
- That's goldmouth.

- The senator from arizona?
- The bandito.

What do you want, goldmouth?

All we would like is some water.

You can't have any water.

How about giving us some food?

- Can't have any food either.
- Okay!

Then throw out your gold!

What do you want with the gold?

We'll go shopping and buy
our own food and water!

I don't think he's
telling the truth, madre.

- You don't think he's telling the truth?
- Of course not.

There are no
supermarkets in this area.

Well, I know he's lying.

Let me get a bead on him here.

Hold it, madre.
Let me talk to him.

Goldmouth!

What do you want with our gold
when you've got such a wealthy mouth?

These are only temporary!

They can keep us pinned
down until we run out of a*mo.

Unless one of us can
stay here and hold 'em off

While the other guy gets away.

- Hey, that might work.
- Yes, but now we've got to decide

- Who goes and who stays.
- Seeing as it's your idea,

You stay and I'll take
the gold to mira lodo.

You slip away when you get
a chance and meet me there.

Are you crazy? You know
what's going to happen

If he finds out I'm
out of amm*nit*on?

He's gonna slap my teeth out then
kick me in the stomach for mumbling.

No dice, madre. We're partners
and we're gonna stay partners.

A partner is a partner,
and one partner

Doesn't make a patsy
out of another partner.

Would you say that
in that direction?

- Why?
- You're spitting all over me.

Okay, but that doesn't
change anything.

A partner is a partner, and there's
only one way to break up a partnership.

That's the way.

I thought as much when he
didn't move for 10 minutes.

The other one is gone
and so are the burros.

They went out the
other side of the cave.

He will not get far.

I know the shortcut.

Will you come
on! I'm in a hurry!

Goldmouth: hello, mister.

Didn't I see you
somewhere before?

Don't reach for your g*n!

I warned you not to
reach for your g*n, senor.

Now look. You have a
hole in your shoulder.

All right, goldmouth, drop
your g*n. You too, pancho.

No, mister. You drop your g*n.

Are you all right, madre?

I'm not madre,
smart. I'm with kaos.

How did you know my name?

I overheard you talking
on the canteen phone.

- But how could you?
- I bugged the water.

How do you like that? And I
thought it was montezuma's revenge.

Well, I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to take you into custody.

What gives you the authority to
take him into your custody, senor?

I'm maxwell smart. I'm
an agent with control.

Permit me to introduce myself.

I'm capitan rafael rodriguez

Of the mexican secret police.

Well, I'm happy to
meet you, captain.

According to my understanding,
your government will get

Half the gold and my
government will get half the gold.

That is most
satisfactory, seno...

- What's the matter?
- I have a toothache.

Well, why don't
you go to a dentist?

I'm afraid of dentists.

Oh. Well, how about a jeweler?