05x10 - The Apes of Rath

[bunniefuu]

- Man: psst!
- oh, hi, there.

- Smart, it's me, webster.
- What are you doing in the trunk?

I'll tell you everything. Here.
Open the trunk so we can talk.

I don't have much time.
The reason I sent for you...

Say,

This is terrific. Did you do this
yourself or did you call in a decorator?

I did it myself.
The reason I sent...

Well, you did a fantastic
job. This is really great.

Thanks. Now the
reason I sent for you...

If I ever have a trunk done
up, I'm gonna call you in.

Are you finished?

There's one more thing.
Why did you call me here?

I've been marked for m*rder.

So I'm having myself shipped to
pittsburgh before they can get me.

- Why pittsburgh?
- Why not pittsburgh?

m*rder is one thing,
but su1c1de is another.

Why do you think you've
been marked for m*rder?

'Cause I got this in
the mail this morning.

I'll admit it's not too ripe,

But that's no reason
for going to pittsburgh.

Max, when you get a banana in
the mail, you know what comes next.

Cornflakes.

Forget it.

Look, I need you
to do me a favor.

I pulled out so fast,

I didn't get a
chance to mail this.

- What is it?
- My alimony check.

It should have
gone out yesterday.

You mean to tell me that
you've been sitting here

Worried about being m*rder*d and
you're late with your alimony check?

Would you please mail it?

- I'll be back in a minute.
- Hurry up.

I want you to lock me
back in so I'll be safe.

No... No...

No... No!

And he was only a day late.

Webster was the sixth control
agent m*rder*d this month.

Kaos has really got us with our
backs to the wall this time, max.

What exactly do we know
about these murders, chief?

Each of the victims
was a control agent.

Each victim was k*lled by
someone with incredible strength.

Each victim received a
banana in the mail the morning

Of the day of he was m*rder*d,
and each victim was discovered

With an empty banana
peel on his chest.

If there was only a
pattern to these crimes.

I talked to the night watchman, and
he assures me that nobody but you

Walked on or off
this pier tonight.

That means whoever
k*lled webster had

To scale a 20-foot
concrete wall.

Chief, I just got the
report back from the lab.

- Wait till you hear this.
- Go on, 99.

The lab was able to make
a positive identification

On those prints that we found in
the dirt on the other side of the wall.

- Do they know whose footprints they were?
- They weren't just footprints.

They were handprints
and footprints.

Whoever the k*ller was
walked on his hands and feet.


On his hands and feet is an ape.

Or somebody with poor posture.

You hit it right
on the nose, chief.

It was an ape.

An ape with poor posture.

Ape! Well, that explains it.

That explains how the k*ller
could climb a 20-foot wall.

It also explains how it had strength
enough to cause all this damage.


Keep him from doing anymore harm.

I want you to send out
an all points bulletin.

Now just a moment, chief.
Are you trying to tell me

That there's an ape roaming
around the streets of washington,

Feeling free to
k*ll control agents

Whenever he wishes
and nobody notices him?

- That's right, max.
- I'll buy that.

Now you behave yourself.
There's a good girl.

I'll be with you in a moment.

Here you are, dr. Rath.

Control's sixth victim

And your sixth check.

Thank you, cronin.
Kaos is most generous.

At the rate you are going,

You will be a very wealthy man.

Yes, but a very lonely man.

I've been much too absorbed

In my work all these years.

No friends

Or companionship.

No woman.

I'm going to take
this money and use it

To bring myself
feminine companionship.

You are going out
to find a woman?

No no no no, to build one.

I'll build one here
in the laboratory.

I'm going to make
the perfect female.

- Maybe you could build me one.
- Certainly.

But right now I am
more concerned

About my next victim.

He should have received
his banana by now.

- Who is it?
- Man: it's armstrong.

- Am I glad to see you.
- We got here as soon as we could.

Come here. I wanna
show you something.

Control agents are blocking
both ends of the street.

There's a squad of control agents
surrounding the entire building.

We've got seven control agents in
the apartments facing this building.

We've asked the cia for
an agent to help us out.

He's stationed on
the window ledge

Of the 81st floor of
the kensington building,

Which overlooks the entire area.

On the 81st floor? That's
dangerous. He could fall off.

That's why we
asked for a cia agent.

Now if you'll excuse me, cronin,

I must proceed to do away
with victim number seven.

Dr. Rath, may I be permitted

To watch how you accomplish it?

Well, ordinarily

I perform my murders in privacy.

But...

Seeing as you are kaos,

Observe.

What did you just do?

I turned on the
air conditioning.

It's a little bit
stuffy in here.

Now...

First, I will contact the ape,

And then instruct him to k*ll.

- How can you contact him?
- I have placed two tiny speakers

In his skull, one
behind each ear.

- Why two?
- Stereo.

Chucko, can you hear me, chucko?

This is dr. Rath.

I'll fix us a couple
of cold drinks, okay?

Yes, sounds good.

Dr. Rath: chucko, can
you hear me, chucko?

this is dr. Rath.

get ready to k*ll agent roberts

when you hear the bell.

- A bell?
- He has been conditioned to k*ll

- When he hears this bell.
- How can you stop him?

Incredible.

These oughta hit the spot.

Chucko is once again

Control agent armstrong

When he hears this...

Order home.

Then it is an ape,

Not a human being?

He looks like a human being

And sounds like a human being,

But he's actually an ape.

- I don't understand.
- One year ago

I took a full-grown mature ape

And through a
series of injections

Transformed him
so he looks human.

But in his brain

Is the savagery and the
k*ller instinct of a gorilla.

It is absolutely amazing.

I'll tell you what
else is amazing, cronin.

- what?
- that you and I

Can be here like this and
converse in a german accent

For hour after hour and
neither one of us is german.

Victim number seven.

Roberts got this
in the morning mail,

And by nightfall

He was dead.

I don't understand,
chief. What kind of an ape

Could be intelligent
enough to put a banana

In the mail?

Probably one that
worked in the post office.

That's ridiculous, larabee.

I understand during the
christmas rush they'll hire anything.

What I don't
understand is how an ape

Was able to slip past


Get into that building,

Enter an apartment that
was locked and bolted,

Slip past another control agent

And go in the kitchen
to k*ll roberts.

What is it you don't
understand, chief?

Control headquarters.
Larabee speaking.

Just a moment.
I'll see if he's here.

Max, it's your wife.

What are you whispering for?

In case you didn't want
her to know you're here.

Hello, 99, what's wrong?

Well, I don't know how
to tell you this, max,

But something came
for you in the mail today.

That's nothing to worry about,

Unless of course it's a banana.

I'll be home in 10 minutes, 99.

You'll never guess
in a million years

- What just came for me in the mail.
- A banana?

All right, larabee, stay right
where you are. You're under arrest.

- Max, what are you doing?
- Larabee is the m*rder*r, chief.

How else would he
know there was a banana

In the mail unless he sent it?

It doesn't take a genius to
know you got a banana in the mail.

I knew it from the
expression on your face.

- Then you're both under arrest.
- Max, stop being ridiculous.

Put that g*n away and
apologize to larabee.

I'm sorry, larabee.

That's okay, max. I
know how you feel.

Your first banana.

Besides, it's already been
established that the m*rder*r is an ape.

Control headquarters.
This is the chief.

Uh-huh. What's that?

that's wonderful.

Good, I'll get on it right away.

- What's that, chief?
- Our first break on this case.

A dr. Matthew rath,

Former assistant curator
at the washington zoo,

He was fired more
than a year ago

For conducting unauthorized
experiments with apes.

He was dismissed and
his license was revoked.

Now we've just gotten
a tip that dr. Rath

Is continuing these experiments

With chimpanzees,
monkeys, baboons

- And particularly gorillas.
- Where did this tip come from, chief?

The people who lived
downstairs complained.

Now I'm gonna place
dr. Rath under surveillance.

But in the meantime I'm
not taking any chances.

I'm assigning another
control agent to you, max.

He'll accompany you home. He'll
stay with you in your apartment,

And you are not to
leave that apartment

Until this case is solved.

Send in control agent 77.

- Who's 77?
- He's a new agent, max.

But he's been doing
excellent work.

Armstrong, I'm glad the
chief assigned you to me

On this case. It makes
me feel a lot easier.

You don't have to worry, smart.

Nothing's going to happen
to you as long as I'm around.

- My car's right over here.
- Fine.

Oh, wait a minute, armstrong.

Before I left the house
this morning, 99 asked me

To pick up some
formula for the twins.

Fine, I'll wait.

- Armstrong, where are you?
- Up here.

- What are you doing up there?
- Just fooling around.

Cut out the monkey
business and let's get going.

Now what kind of a sick mind

Would mark a man for
death by sending him a banana?

Say, that's a...

That's a good one.

Mmm! The aroma.

You really know your bananas.

Yeah, well, I ought to.
I've eaten enough of 'em.

- Where's max?
- He's upstairs with the twins.

Which reminds me,
dinner's almost ready.

Oh, is there anything
I can help you with?

You could help me
open a bottle of wine,

- If you don't mind.
- Fine.

I'm so relieved that
you're here, agent 77.

I've been so nervous ever
since that banana arrived.

Don't worry, 99...

What's wrong?

- I cut my finger on the corkscrew.
- Let me see.

Oh! We'd better put
something on that.

- Oh, don't bother.
- It's no bother at all. Here.

There we go.

That's awfully nice of you, 99.

- Oh, max.
- Yeah?

One of the babies is awake.

Which one? Mine or yours?

Ours. It's time for
the 2:00 feeding.

I'll get this one, 99.

- Are you sure you don't mind, dear?
- No, not at all.

Oh, thank you.

- Max, you're asleep.
- Huh? Huh?

That didn't take long, did it?

You didn't even get out of bed.

Never mind, love. I'll do it.

I just remembered something.

I used up the last of the
formula on the 10:00 feeding.

- You were gonna bring some more home.
- I did.

You didn't have it
when you walked in.

Oh, I must have
left it in the car.

I'll go get it.

I'll quiet down the babies
while you make the formula.

Dr. Rath: chucko, chucko.

this is dr. Rath speaking.

chucko, chucko.

Chucko, listen...

chucko, k*ll maxwell smart.

then you may have your banana.

but not before.

chucko, k*ll maxwell smart.

then you may have your banana.

Chuck, what are
you doing up here?

Chuck, what's the
matter with you?

- Let's go, rath.
- Hello, max, this is the chief.

Oh, thank heavens
I'm not too late.

We've just taken
dr. Rath into custody,

And we're on our
way over there now.

I don't know how to explain
this and I don't have time anyway,

But control agent
armstrong is an ape!

That's right, armstrong.

The old fake-fingertips-
on-the-fire-escape trick.

Now it becomes a contest
between brute strength

And superior intellect.

I warn you, armstrong.
I happen to be an expert

At karate, judo and tempura.

That's one for me.

Now we both broke one.

- Max, are you all right?
- Yes, I'm fine, 99.

Oh, max, isn't it ironic?

It took a modern
jungle to k*ll that beast.

No, 99.

'Twas beauty who
k*lled the beast.

Beauty? Oh, max, thank you.

Oh, I didn't mean you, 99.

Beauty is the brand-name
of these bananas.