05x12 - Is This Trip Necessary?

[bunniefuu]

Do you hear anything yet?

Yes, I'm... I'm beginning
to catch something,

But it doesn't seem
to make any sense.

Let me have it.

"Tiptoe through the tulips"?

You're listening to the radio!

That woman has the
worst voice I ever heard.

Yes, but she plays
a great banjo.

Ah!

- Max...
- Huh?

- The babies are awake.
- So are we, 99.

Yeah, but they're crying.

I'll be crying pretty
soon if they don't shut up.

Max, it's your turn to get
up and see what's the matter.

Okay, 99.

So the drug is working.

They are completely
hallucinated.

That's a good baby.

Go to sleep and tomorrow daddy
will let you play in the swamp.

- Are they all right, max?
- Yes, they're all fine, 99.

- Were they wet?
- Well, one of them was teething.

Kaos will be very
proud of you, mr. Pym.

Yeah. Well, thank
you, rhinehart.

I'm rather proud of myself.

I do think this is one
of my better formulas.

Really, sir? Why
do you think that?

Because none of
the others worked.

- You left the light on.
- Huh? Huh?

- What? What light?
- The light you left on.

- You left it on.
- Oh, that light.

Mmm...


Off one of my snow shoes.

Max, what are you talking about?

Max! Look at you!

Well you don't look too good
when you first get up, either.

Out late last night, chief?

up late last night, max. I
had the darndest nightmare.

i dreamed I had
long golden curls

And I was playing billiards
with george washington

And he was cheating. Can you imagine
that, george washington cheating?

Why not? He claimed he
would never tell a lie.

He never said anything
about cheating.

Max and I had bad dreams
last night too, chief.

It's a weird coincidence.

Not really, chief.
We both ate pizza.

Chief, the report on kaos just
came through our spy satellite.

- Are you sure it's up to date?
- Positive.

The weather map says it's
gonna be clear and warmer.

It also says that
kaos tried to take over

All the universities
in the united states.

They did?

Yeah. They offered the students enough g*ns
to take over every school in the country,

- But it didn't work.
- Why not?

The students said they
wouldn't settle for tokenism

And they ran them off campus.

Chief, did I hear you say
something about a nightmare?

- What about it?
- I dreamed last night I'd keep trying

To find a pot at the end of the
rainbow. And I finally found it.

Was the pot filled with gold?

No, with refried beans.

If it was filled with gold, I
wouldn't have come to work today.

All right, larrabee, thank you.

- For what?
- For the report, for everything.

Oh, that's okay, chief.

Well, larrabee?

Uh, I forgot to tell you,
chief. You've got a call waiting.

Anything important?

I wouldn't know. It's
from the white house.

Hello? Yes, I can hold on.

It's the president.

Yes, mr. President.

You did? Well,

That's funny, so did I
and two of my agents.

Yes sir, that is rather strange.

Yes sir, I will.

I'll get on it right
away, mr. President.

The president had a
bad dream last night too.

He dreamed that he disbanded
the entire u.s. Air force

And replaced them with
the jefferson airplane.

That is terrible.

Oh, no, what's terrible
is that this morning

The jefferson airplane
reported for work.

Chief, I don't understand. Why
are we all having strange dreams?

It's gotten out of hand,


All members of congress and the
pentagon had bad dreams last night.

Boy, somebody is doing
great pizza business.

What is it, larrabee?

- how did you know it was me, chief?
- never mind that, larrabee.

- What are you buzzing me for?
- the cia and fbi just called.

they want you to
tune on tv channel 51.

Channel 51... That's the
educational spy channel.

Maybe this will explain
why all our government

Officials are having
strange dreams.

Oh, hello, out there.

I'm jarvis pym,
kaos's mad pharmacist.

Kaos's mad pharmacist?

Yes, that's right, I thought
some of you might be wondering

About all those strange
dreams that everybody is having.

Well, they're not dreams.
They're hallucinations

Caused by a miracle drug
that I have discovered.

Now I think I should point out

That all of you have
had a very mild dose.

Had it been full strength,

You would have the
dreams permanently,

Never to be able
to differentiate

Between reality and fantasy.

Now, you can imagine what that
would do to your government.

Every high-ranking
official, excluding no one,

Would be reduced
to a raving lunatic.

Now let's get down to business.

Unless I receive $50,000,000

In unmarked bills,
I will carry this plan

To its utmost fruition.

I will contact you
on this same channel

Later tonight, directly
after "let us pray,"

And tell you where to
deliver the $50,000,000.

Well, good night.

- psst.
- huh?

Oh, yes... I must warn you:

Do not try to locate or stop me.

If you do, I swear I will
wipe out your government.

And now for all of you
having a splitting headache,

Take two aspirins and go to bed.

Pleasant dreams. Humph.

That man is out of his head.

Yes, but what a
diabolically clever plan!

Yeah, but like all
diabolically clever geniuses,

- He made one mistake!
- Really? What mistake is that, max?

He prescribed medicine for our
headaches and he's not a doctor.

We can get him for practicing
medicine without a license.

Well, that does it. Our scientists
have checked out everything...

Food, air filtration,
dust, pollen.

We still don't know how the mad
pharmacist slipped the drug to us.

Well, what makes you
so sure he did, chief?

What do you mean, what
makes me so sure he did?

I'll ask you... What
makes him so sure he did?

Well, max, for all of us at
control to have had bad dreams,

We must've been
contacted in the same way.

For instance, the water supply.

Of course, the water supply.

No, max, it couldn't have
been the water supply.

if it was, everyone in washington
would've been affected.

Well, I guess jarvis pym
will get his $50,000,000.

But that's blackmail. You know what
happens when you pay off a blackmailer?

- He gives you a receipt?
- No, he comes back the next day

And asks for more money.
Besides, we have no guarantee

That if we pay the 50 million,
pym will destroy the drug.

Yes we do, if he
gives us a receipt.

I'll tell you one thing...
Pym won't get us again.

Control is
completely sealed off.

I want you two to stay here and
make sure everything checks out.

Meet me in my
office in five minutes.

Right, chief.

I wouldn't wanna be in his
shoes, max. He's a worried man.

If he'd only get a receipt

It wouldn't be so bad, 99.

Your sh*t, mr. Washington.
And this time, don't cheat.

Hello, max and 99.

What are you doing in
those silly-looking outfits?

So that's how they did it!

Yes, according to our technicians
the drug was in this water all the time.

Of course! I should
have guessed it, chief!

I've had some weird experiences
with water before... In mexico.

At least, this time
we have a lead.

The dartfoot springs
water company.

Probably a front for jarvis pym.

Well then, all I have to do,
chief, is to take a squad of men,

- Go over and raid the place.
- Max, you can't do that.

What if it isn't a
front for jarvis pym?


There's no telling what pym will do.

Well then, if I wanna get in, we'll
have to do it in a discreet manner,

- Right, chief?
- Now you're thinking!

- Two agents!
- right.

- And a t*nk.
- Wrong!

- Wrong? One agent and one t*nk?
- No, max.

Just a t*nk? But
that's ridiculous, chief.

A t*nk doesn't go by itself!
Someone has to drive it, you know.

Max, you and 99 are going
to infiltrate that plant,

- All alone.
- All alone?

In the midst of 100 kaos agents?

That's the way
it has to be, max.

Well okay, chief.
No offense, 99,

But this is the first time I
wish you were built like a t*nk.

You'd better get going.
We don't have much time.

Right, chief. And don't
worry, we'll get inside.

Just don't get caught.
Capture means certain death.

su1c1de mission, huh, chief?
Well, you've picked the right man.

- I hope so.
- You hope what,

That you picked the right man
or that it's a su1c1de mission?

Certainly does
look suspicious, max.

That high fence and those armed
guards patrolling all over the place.

That's enough pictures.

It looks impregnable. How
are we gonna get in there?

By careful planning, 99.

We will climb over the fence.

No, max, it might be wired.
We could set off an alarm.

Oh. Well, then we'll
climb under the fence.

You mean tunnel?

Well, I don't mean exactly
that, but... Why not?

Why not dig a tunnel
under the fence?

No, max. It'll take too long.


Up with suggestions

And you keep coming up with
reasons why they won't work.

Max, maybe you could use one of those
pipes and pole-vault over the fence.

Shh. Please, 99,
I'm trying to think.

I'm sorry.

I've got it.

Why don't I use
one of these pipes

And try to pole-vault
over the fence?

That might work.

Max, look at those
people up the gate.

- What are they doing?
- Let's find out.

Excuse me.

Just a minute. Play nice, kids.

Lazar, don't t*rture that
butterfly. It's a thing of nature.

- Yes?
- We were just wondering...

Neal, get off the ground!

Anastasia, don't
kick neal in the back!

You know I don't allow
kicking above the knees.

- Are they all yours?
- Those four are...

Lazar, neal,
anastasia and luden.

Luden is the one
gnawing on the tree.

We were just passing
by and we saw this line.

We wondered what
you all were waiting for.

The tour.

- What tour?
- Twice a day, seven days a week,

The dartfoot springs
water company gives you

A guided tour right
through the plant.

Luden, don't eat dirt.

Graze, if you want
to, but don't eat dirt.

Excuse me.

Max, that's how we'll get
inside... We'll join the tour.

Either that or we can have luden
chew a hole in the fence for us.

Come on, 99.

Okay, let's move inside.

The tour is gonna
start any second now.

Mr. Pym, we're going to have
two special visitors in the tour...

Maxwell smart and his wife.

This is where it all happens,
ladies and gentlemen...

The home of dartfoot springs.

This is a faucet

und a piece of pipe.

This is a bottle of water.

This is a drainpipe
und a hammer.

This is a pan und a ladle.

A pitcher und a bowl.

und we have here,
ladies and gentlemen,

Three feet above the ground,

A water "schprigot."

Now, if you'll
follow me, please.

Right this way.

Now's our chance to break
away from the tour, 99.

We've got to find
out if jarvis pym

- Is on the premises.
- Right, max.

und straight ahead...
Is our tasting room.



All the water you can
drink... absolutely free.

Please go ahead and
drink as much as you want.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Dr. Pym: welcome
mr. And mrs. Smart.

I've been expecting you.

My laboratory isn't
usually on the tour,

But for you we
made an exception.

All right, pym, don't try anything
funny. We've got you covered.

Quite the opposite, mr. Smart.

It is I who have you covered.

I'm all alone, if that's
what's puzzling you.

Then how do you figure
you have us covered?

If I were you, I would look more
closely at my mortar and pestle.

Of course, the old
pestle-in-the-mortar trick!

No, the old
mortar-in-the-mortar trick.

I warned control
what would happen

If you tried to
interfere with my plans.

You'll never get
away with this, pym.

We've canceled our supply
and cut off your water.

I assumed as much when
you showed up here.

That's why I'm putting
an alternate plan

- Into effect.
- What alternate plan?

- I don't know yet.
- Then what makes you think it'll work?

Because if it doesn't, I have
an alternate alternate plan

And that one never fails.

- Max, he's mad.
- Wait a minute, 99,

- If he says it never fails...
- Aha,

- I've got it.
- Max: you see?

what is it, max?

Well, it's either a
white manhole cover

Or the second largest
aspirin I've ever seen.

I am going to drop this tablet

Into the city reservoir.

Every citizen of washington
will be walking around

Dazed, drugged and
out of their heads.

Of course. And everybody will
think that it's a folk rock festival.

- What do we do now, max?
- Don't worry, 99.

- The laugh is on him.
- Who?

- Him, pym.
- Why do you say that?

Because supposing I were
to ask you what would happen

If we were to break
out of this capsule.

Then I would have to answer you
that the capsule is unbreakable.

That's why I'm not
going to ask you.

Besides, there's only enough air
in there to last for three minutes.

You're just saying that to
frighten us and make us talk.

Talk? Huh? You
have nothing to say

That I would be
interested in hearing.

Oh, really? How about the
carpenter m*rder case?

What about the
carpenter m*rder case?

See, you're interested already.

No sense in stalling, mr. Smart.

In three minutes
you will be dead,

The citizens of
washington will be drugged

And I will be on a plane headed
for the beach at acapulco.

Acapulco? Max and I almost
went there on our honeymoon.

It's beautiful there. We changed
our minds at the last minute, though

And we went to the
caribbean. It's also very...

Pretty there too.

Before going to the
reservoir I have to go upstairs

And get rid of those tourists,

But I'll be back for
my tablet in a minute.

By then, you'll be dead.

Good bye, mr. And mrs. Smart.

- Max, what are we gonna do now?
- Don't panic, 99.

Whatever you do, don't panic.

Well, max, there's
only two minutes left.

If there was only something that
we had to work a way out of this...

A hammer or a Kn*fe
or an a* or something.

There must be some way
to break this capsule.

It must be made out of
some kind of special plastic.

- Okay, 99, you can do it.
- Do what?

Panic.

Oh, max, we're never
gonna get out of here alive.

Wait a minute, 99.
Look over there.

It's a beaker of acid. If we can
get this capsule to topple over,

And get the acid to pour on top
of the capsule, it will dissolve it.

But how are you gonna
make the capsule topple over?

By using my head, 99. Watch!

- I've got it!
- Got what?

The worst headache
I've ever head in my life.

Max, maybe if we do it together!

It's worth to try,


Both: one, two, three.

Duck, 99!

Max, the tumbler didn't fall.

I know, 99, but
the capsule broke.

But could it? Pym said
it was unbreakable.

He lied.

Come on, 99. We have to destroy
that tablet before pym gets back.

What are we gonna
do though, max...?

All right, pym,
hold it right there!

Oh, no, mr. Smart.
You mustn't stop me.

This tablet represents
my entire life's work.

I must drop it in the reservoir.

Please, let me. You
must let me. Please!

I'm sorry, pym, but I can't allow you
to drop that tablet in the reservoir.

- How about a lake?
- Forget it!

I'm placing you under arrest
and I'm confiscating that tablet.

Well, in that case,
mr. Smart, there's...

Nothing left to live for.

Observe... Sodium
calcium chloride.

- Do you know what that is?
- An artificial sweetener?

No, it's the second most
deadly poison in the world.

- What's the first?
- Artificial sweetener.

Well, goodbye,
mr. And mrs. Smart.

Not so fast, pym!

- Observe!
- What's that?

Anti-sodium calcium chloride.

If you take that
sodium calcium chloride,

I'll shove this down your
throat... Not the ring, the powder...

And you'll be alive again.

That's very clever
of you, mr. Smart,

But I was prepared.
Observe again...

Pro-anti-sodium
calcium chloride.

If you bring me back
to life, I shall take this

And then I shall be
permanently disposed of.

Temporarily
permanently disposed of!

- You know what's in here?
- No.

Oh, that makes two
of us. What's in here, 99?

Anti-pro-anti-sodium
calcium chloride.

If you take sodium calcium chloride
and max brings you back to life

With anti-sodium calcium chloride and
you decide to destroy yourself again

With pro-anti-sodium calcium chloride,
max will bring you back to life again

With anti-pro-anti-sodium
calcium chloride.

That's easy enough
for you to say.

I've run out of rings.

Well, I'm glad to hear
that. It was my turn next.

Yeah, you never really
had a chance, pym.

There was no possible way for
you to do away with yourself

While you were my cus...

- Mr. Pym, are you all right?!
- Yes, yes.

My ring deflected the b*llet,

Ricocheted into my shoulder...

Into my shoulder!

Well, 99,

Thanks to us, pym was stopped
from drugging the reservoir

And giving all the people in
washington hallucinations.

Just think, max, because of us,

Everyone tomorrow
morning will jump out of bed

And jump into the shower,
grab a quick breakfast

And jump into their cars and get
on the freeway and rush to work

Just like they do
every day in the year.

Do you think we did
the right thing, 99?