05x17 - Rebecca of Funny-Folk Farm

[bunniefuu]

- Yes sir.
- Oh, stewardess,

How come I'm the only
passenger on this plane?

Oh, I hadn't noticed.

You hadn't noticed?

Well, I was so busy
making your dinner.

I don't understand how this
airline can stay in business

When they only
carry one passenger.

We don't show movies.

- Now if you'll excuse me, sir...
- Just a minute,

- One more question.
- Could you make it quick?

- I don't wanna burn your egg benedict.
- Yes.

We've been flying
for five hours,

How come it's taking
so long? I mean, the trip

From chicago to washington is
only supposed to take two hours.

We're flying in a
holding pattern, sir.

- Over washington?
- Over chicago.

Control, this is the chief.

Hello?

Larabee, I think max is
calling on the balloon phone.

Will you bring one
in here right away?

Right, chief.

Here you are, chief.

Larabee, never mind. Hook
the call into my regular phone.

Right, chief.

- he's on, chief. Go ahead.
- thank you, larabee.

Is everything all right, max?

Chief, I'm a little worried. There's
something strange going on here.

I'm the only passenger
on this flight.

I don't like the sound of that.

I'm not too crazy
about it myself, chief.

Fortunately the package is safe.

Right, chief. It's
in my suitcase.

No, max, that
package is a decoy.

The real package is hidden in the
luggage compartment under the plane.

Remember, no
matter what happens,

Kaos must not get
their hands on it.

Is it that important, chief?

Max, for some time
now we've known that

An enemy spy satellite has been
taking pictures of our spy satellite.

Now that package contains
film that our spy satellite

Took of their spy satellite
taking pictures of our spy satellite.

What am I supposed
to do with this package

When the plane
lands in washington?

Rush it to headquarters.
We've got to get that film

Into the control lab so it
can be developed immediately.

Chief, I've got a better idea...

I'll drop it off at the corner
drugstore next to my house.

- Why is that a better idea?
- You get a free roll of film.

Captain, maxwell smart is
starting to ask questions.

Yeah, but if I get rid of him
now, what about the package?

You're right. It must
be in his luggage.

I'll take care of
him immediately.

Remember, max, if
there's any danger,

Pull the red handle under the
window. That will jettison the package

Out of the baggage compartment
and it will parachute safely to earth.

All right, mr. Smart.
You have a choice...

Either you hand
over the package or...

I get the egg benedict?

Or you die.

That's not much of a
choice... Either way I lose.

Put your hands up.

- Chief: max, are you all right?
- I'm fine, chief.

Max, I don't want you to
take any more chances.

Pull that red handle right now.

I pulled that red
handle hours ago, chief.

- Why did you do that?
- I thought it was the emergency door.

Why would you wanna open the
emergency door while the plane's in flight?

Because it was an
emergency, chief.

The door to the
men's room was locked.

It's starting to
come through now, 99.

Chief, shouldn't the lights be
out when you develop a negative?

Ordinarily yes, but this is
control's new reverse film.

It was invented by our lab
technicians to avoid accidents,

Like people coming into
the lab unexpectedly

And turning on the lights

And ruining important negatives.

Oh, reverse film, in other
words it can stand the light

- But it can't stand the darkness.
- Exactly.

Oh hi, 99, chief.
What are you doing?

Developing a negative.

Oh, I'd better
turn the light off.

Max, turn the light on again.

You know what you just did?

- I just turned the light on.
- Before that.

- I turned it off.
- Take a look at this negative.

Oh. Did you take
that picture, chief?

You made a terrible mistake.

You broke one of the
first rules of photography.

- What's that, max?
- He held his thumb over the lens.

That's a big mistake, chief.

No, max, that wasn't
my big mistake.

My big mistake
was in hiring you.

Oh, I meant besides that, chief.

max, that photograph was
taken by aerial reconnaissance

Of the area where you ejected the
package from the plane last night.

Reconnaissance
spotted the package

On the roof of an old
house in a remote area, max.

And they took a picture of it.

Oh gee, that's great, chief.
I'd love to see that picture.

- You're looking at it.
- Oh.

Chief, that pilot failed

The basic rules of
aerial photography.

- What's that, max?
- You should never allow the propeller

To get in front of the lens.

Fortunately the pilot
knew the area very well.

The package landed on
the roof of the only house

Within a radius of 50 miles.

But, chief, if we know
where the package is,

Why don't we walk up to
the house, ring the doorbell,

Say something of ours is on the
roof and ask permission to get it?

You will never get
into the house that way.

- Why not?
- Because hester van hooten

Rules that mansion
with an iron hand.

She hasn't let a visitor in
there in the past 20 years.

- You and max will be the first.
- The first what?

Visitors.

But I don't understand,
chief. If she hasn't let

Any visitors in there in 20 years,
then how are we gonna get in?

- We have a plan for you.
- What is it, chief?

We've arranged for a
storm to hit the area.

You've arranged for a storm?

You know, max, a
storm, with the rain

And thunder and lightning and...

You've arranged
for a storm, chief?

yes, 99, our control scientists
have developed a process

Where, by salting the clouds,

We can produce rain
in any designated area.

That's fantastic, chief. When
the world hears about this...

The world is not going
to hear about this.

That's what I say. The world
will never hear about this.

This has got to be one of control's
most closely guarded secrets.

Most closely guarded
secrets that control... Why?

We don't want the
price of salt to go up.

But how is the storm going to
get us into van hooten's house?


In mind, and you and max

As weary lost travelers
whose car has broken down,

nobody will be able
to turn you away.

You can't come in. Go away.

Max, what are we going to do?

We can't just stand
out here in the rain.

- I know one thing we're going to do.
- What?

Take it easy on the salt.

No, max. How are we
going to get in the house?

I've got it, 99. Why didn't
I think of it before?

- What?
- We don't want to get in the house.

We want to get up on top of
the roof and get the package.

So?

So instead of asking
for food and shelter,

Why don't we just
ask for a ladder?

Ah, max, they're not going to
give a ladder to a strange couple.

They will if we
say we're eloping.

But we're both out here.

I didn't say together.

Mrs. Van hooten?

Who was it, hogarth?

Two lost and weary travelers
whose car broke down in the storm.

What did they want?

Food and shelter.
I turned them away.

Well done, hogarth.

Thank you, madam.

- And, hogarth?
- Yes, ma'am.

First thing in the morning, let's get
rid of that welcome mat out front.

Try again, max.

- Let them in, hogarth.
- But madam, you said...

Let them in.

Yes, madam.

You must forgive, hogarth.

He's inconsiderate,

And he never did have
a very good memory.

Hogarth?

Take them to the west
room. Give them dry clothes.

Oh, well, that's
very kind of you.

I'd like to introduce
myself. I'm maxwell smart

And this is my wife
mrs. Maxwell smart.

I'm hester van hooten.
This is my husband jason.

Hello.

You're welcome in my house.

Dinner will be in an hour.

Oh good. What are we having?

- Max.
- Huh? Oh.

This way, please.

Why did you let them in?

Didn't you see her face?

Well, no. It was dark in
there and I couldn't. Why?

It was the face of
my sister rebecca.

Rebecca? That's ridiculous.

I buried her 20 years ago.

Nevertheless, she's back.

Well, we'll have to do
something about that.

They must never learn
the secret of this house.

Tonight, when
they're both asleep,

Let's let sebastian
out of his room.

Sebastian never
leaves his attic, s.

Except on christmas morning.

After we've opened our
gifts, he gets to eat the tree.

The wine, mrs. Van hooten.

Thank you, hogarth.

Which one contains the poison?

The decanter on the left.

Or is it the one on the right?

No, I believe it's
the one on the left.

What do you have against jason?

Nothing, mrs. Van hooten.

Sometimes I wonder.

Jason, taste the wine.

Hester, do I have to?

Wine always keeps me awake.

Only if you're
lucky. Now taste it.

As you wish.

Hester, if this should
just happen to be

My last glass of wine,

Would you please take
good care of my pet hawk?

I already did.

Good evening, everybody. My
wife will be down in a minute.

- Splendid. Won't you please sit down?
- Oh, thank you.

May I offer you a glass of wine?

Thank you.

Say, that really looks
delicious. What is that, pheasant?

No, but it once
k*lled a pheasant.

And a cow.

To your health, mr. Smart.

Eh? Oh, yes. Thank you.

Oh, I'm awfully sorry
it took me so long.

I found this dress in the
closet, mrs. Van hooten.

I hope you don't
mind my putting it on.

Why are they all staring at me?

Take a look at the portrait, 99.

that was my sister rebecca.

She left us 20 years ago.

She's very lovely.

You're the very
image of her, my dear.

Oh, why thank you, very much.

Yes, as matter of fact, you
do look quite a bit like her, 99.

Did you call her, 99?

- Yes, I did.
- May I ask why?

I don't know her name.

Hogarth? Oh, where is he?

Oh, he's probably lurking
in the shadows again.

- Ma'am?
- Hogarth...

Pour rebecca... I mean
mrs. Smart... A glass of wine.

Yes, ma'am.

What a lovely old house
you have, mrs. Van hooten.

Thank you.

We bought it in
spite of the curse.

What curse?

Legend has it that those
who dwell in this house

Never know what it is to love.

I loved my hawk.

His hawk once k*lled
a cow, you know?

Oh, I couldn't.

Well, maybe a little...

With my spaghetti.

That will be all, hogarth.

A toast to our guests.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I'll get it, 99.


Excuse to leave the table,

Go up on the roof
and get the package.

- Right, max.
- Now while I'm gone

I don't want you to
drink any of the wine

- Or eat any of the food.
- Why not?

Because I think they
put something in the wine.

How can you tell?

What was that?

Probably the wine steward.

Mr. Smart, take the candelabra

And follow me.

Come, jason.

Jason: is he dead?

Yes, but there are
no marks on him.

It looks like he d*ed of fright.

Either that or some
other natural cause.

Sebastian.

Don't tell me he's loose.

He's loose.

I asked you not to tell me that.

Well, somebody removed
all the distributor caps

From the cars and cut
the telephone wires.

- Jason: sebastian.
- Who is sebastian?



And fell in love with her.

They married and he
brought her to this house.

On the night of their wedding,

She d*ed mysteriously

After drinking a glass of wine.

sebastian refused to
believe she was dead,

and accused us of trying
to take her away from him.

So we locked him in the attic.

And he's been
there for 20 years?

And now he's loose...

Somewhere in this house.

He's obviously mad.

Max: well, I guess so.

I remember once when my brother

Locked me in the
closet for three hours.

I was so mad at him, I didn't
speak to him for a week.

Mr. Smart, sebastian
broke out of that attic

Because he knows
rebecca is back.

Mrs. Van hooten, I know
that I resemble your sister,

But believe me, I'm not rebecca.

You are rebecca.

I knew it the moment I
saw you in the doorway.

But that's impossible.
You said yourself

That she's been
dead for 20 years.

That's true. I buried you
myself in the basement.

Max: you see, 99...

You buried her yourself?

Jason's very handy
around the house.

Why did you come back?

Mrs. Van hooten, please
believe me. I'm not your sister.

Silence. Don't talk
back to me, rebecca.

mother isn't here to
take your side anymore.

She always did like you best.

You had the nicest
bedroom in the house,

The loveliest clothes

and all the boyfriends.

When mother gave a
party, it was for you.

i stood against the
wall and watched you

dance the whole night through.

You had the handsomest men...

Bruce rayburn, clive montague,

cedric cedarhurst
and then sebastian...

And look what I ended up with.

Well, if that's how
you felt about me,

Why did you propose?

Silence.

If all this is true,
mrs. Van hooten,

I'm afraid you're in a
great deal of trouble.

I'm going to have to
place you under arrest

For the m*rder of
your sister rebecca.

And my pet hawk.

I didn't k*ll you, rebecca.

It was him.

i saw it happen.

It was a long time ago,
but I remember it clearly.

It was a night like
this... Lightning, thunder.

It was almost midnight,

And I was taking a casual
stroll in the garden.

And then I heard you talking...

Sebastian: rebecca,
I must know...

Am I the first man
you've ever kissed?

Rebecca: of course
you are, darling.

Why do you men always
ask such silly questions?

And then the clock struck 12:00.

Sebastian.

Max, how terrible.

Yes, I guess he just couldn't
adjust to the outside world.

Chief: open up in there,
we're government agents.

It's the chief, 99. Let him in.

- I'll watch these two.
- Right, max.

All right, come on, you two.

Chief, what are you doing here?

When I didn't hear from you, I
figured something had gone wrong.

- Is max all right?
- Yes, but I don't know for how long.

Everyone in this
house is a little weird.

- Hi, chief.
- Hi, max.

- who's that?
- His name's sebastian.

- What's he doing in the clock?
- He's dead.

That's no place to
put a dead man, max.

I didn't put him there, larabee.

A man in that condition
belongs at home with his family.

- Max, did you get the package?
- I didn't have time.

If rigor mortis sets in,
he could break the clock.

So many weird things have
been happening in this house...

- Bodies turning up all over the place.
- Besides, it's unsanitary.

Larabee, get up on the
roof and get the package.

Right, chief.

Sorry about your clock, lady.

Max, would you mind telling
me what's been going on?

It's a little involved, chief,
but I think I have it solved.

- There's another one up here, chief.
- Chief: who's that max?

That's hogarth, the butler.

- Larabee: shall I bring him down, chief?
- why, larabee?

If somebody didn't see him, they
could trip and break their neck.

What do you suggest
we do with him?

- You got another clock, lady?
- Chief: larabee, get the package.

- Are there any more, max?
- Not that I know of, chief.

Well, who k*lled them?

Well, chief, the case
was fairly simple.

You see, the suspects
had clear-cut motives.

hester van hooten...

She hated her sister rebecca.

And she was in
love with sebastian.

So she became half crazy with
jealousy when they were married.

She poisoned rebecca and had
jason bury her body in the cellar.

then hogarth probably
saw the whole thing,

So she had to get rid of him.

Then she busted down
the door to the attic,

sh*t sebastian, dragged
his body down here

And stuffed it into the bottom
of the grandfather clock.

It was an open-and-shut
case, chief...

Except for one thing.

There was jason.

You needed money
and you needed it badly.

so you poisoned rebecca

and buried her in the
cellar of the house.

You were the only one
who had a key to the attic.

You were the only one who knew
the secret of the grandfather clock.

You were the only one who
could have strangled hogarth,

And still had enough strength
to drag sebastian downstairs,

stuff him into the
clock in 28 seconds flat.

This, plus the fact
that you never shaved,

Led me to believe that
you were wearing a mask.

But I wasn't really
sure until tonight

When you wound the
spaghetti from left to right.

Well, there you have it, chief.

- Have what?
- Eh?

Yes, well, I knew that one
of them was a m*rder*r,

But I didn't know
which one, chief.

You see, there was
something that puzzled me.

One of the pieces of
this jigsaw didn't fit.

And then, suddenly it
came to me in a flash,

And I realized that neither
one of them was guilty.

When do you realize that?

Just now, chief, when
I looked up and saw

Hogarth standing there
with a g*n in his hand.

Don't anybody move.

Yes, it was me.

i hated rebecca
and I hated hester.

And as you can see,

I wasn't too crazy
about sebastian either.

and as for jason,

He's a thief, a liar
and a blackmailer.

But he's my brother
and I'm proud of him.

They all laughed at me...

The way I walked
and the way I talked.

They looked down on
me because I was tall.

How's the weather
up there, hogarth?

you get a nosebleed when
you walk across a thick carpet?

And they ordered me about.

Do this, hogarth.
Do that, hogarth.

I swore that someday
I'd pay them back.

And now that day has come.

Larabee, are you all right?

I'm okay, max. What happened?

You tripped over hogarth
and fell down the stairs.

I told you we should have
put him in the clock, chief.