05x25 - Do I Hear a Vaults?

[bunniefuu]

Shh.

Shh!

I don't want anybody to see
us talking to each other, max.

Meet me at the card file and pretend
to be looking for a specific book.

While you're looking
through the cards, we'll talk.

That way, nobody will
know we're together.

Did you say something, chief?

Max, I don't want anybody to
see us talking to each other.

Open the file drawer.

Max, we've got to hurry.
There's a book in this library

That belongs to control.

- "Portnoy's complaint"?
- No, it's much more important than that.

Not to portnoy it isn't.

This book contains the
names and addresses

Of every control agent
throughout the free world...

With the exception
of pittsburgh.

Oh, chief, who in the world
would be stupid enough

To put an important book
like that in a public library?

I put it here, max.

The most obvious place
for a book is in a library.

And sometimes the most
obvious place is the safest.

You know, you may
have something there.

Agent dunlap had
the same theory.

He once came into possession of a
very important piece of microfilm.

- You know where he hid it?
- Where?

Right on top of his
desk in his living room,

Right out there in the open
where everybody could see it.

And the microfilm was safe?

Yes, well, it would have been
if they hadn't stolen the desk.

Max, somehow kaos
found out about this book.

Now we've got to get it out of the
library before they get their hands on it.

Right, chief.

Because if kaos gets
possession of this book,

It'll be the end of control.

Who put the book
together, chief?

I did. It represents


Well, don't expect to make any money
out of it until it comes out in paperback.

What does it look like, chief?

It's red, white and blue, and it's
called "who's who at control."

Well, we'd better
start looking for it.

Wait a minute, max.

- What is it?
- That man who just came in the door...

I think he's a kaos agent.

Just a minute, fella.
Sorry, but this aisle is taken.

Hmm.

- Good work, max.
- Did you get the book?

- Yes, right here.
- Oh, well, at least that's safe.

Yes, but for how long? That was
kaos's first attempt to get that book,

Amd they failed. From now
on they'll stop at nothing.

They've got to get
their hands on that book,

And they'll k*ll the
person who's carrying it.

- Good morning, chief.
- Yeah, good morning, chief.

I'm sorry I'm late,

But I had an automobile accident
right in front of the building.

That idiot smashed in the
whole front of my car.

Well, don't worry about it,
you're not the only one who's late.

Larabee isn't here either.

Who do you think smashed
in the front end of my car?

Chief, max told me all about
the "who's who at control" book

That kaos is trying
to get ahold of,

- And I have a plan.
- A sensational plan, chief.

- It's really foolproof.
- Absolutely foolproof.

- I really think it's gonna work, chief.
- Can't miss.

- Well, what is it?
- Supposing you have a control agent

Memorize the contents of the
book and then you destroy it.

- It won't work.
- Told you.

Once we've destroyed this book,

If anything happens to the agent
who memorized it, we'd be lost.

Oh, wait a minute,
I have an idea.

Why don't we have two
agents memorize the book?

Then if anything
happens to one of them,

The other one will
have the information.

What is something
happens to both of them?

Huh?

What if something
happens to both of them?

Yes, well, why don't we have

three agents memorize it?

And then if something
happens to two of them,

The other one will
have the information.

- Forget it, max.
- Well?

- Well what?
- How do you like my plan?

- What plan?
- The plan where four agents

Memorize the book.

And then if something
happens to three of them,

one of them has the information.

Max, I hate that plan.

Which part of it do you hate?

- All of it.
- All of it?

Told you.

Now we've got to find a
safe place for this book.

I suppose you've already
considered a safe deposit box.

Yes, 99, I thought about that over a
month ago, but they turned me down.

- The bank turned you down?
- No, petty cash did.

Well, at least we'll
know for the time being

The book is secure
in my wall safe.

Now, the combination
of this safe is known

To only two persons...
Myself and the vice-president.

Morning, max. Hi, 99.

I'm really sorry about
the accident, chief.

I don't want to hear any
more about it, larabee.

Well, I just want to let you know
that everything's taken care of.

They just towed away
what was left of your car,

And fixed the
windshield wiper on mine.

Thank you, you can go now.

I just wanna put my lunch away.

Well, have a nice day, max.

Thank you, mr. Vice-president.

That was fourth and
taylor we just passed,

Wasn't it, larabee?

I think so, but I'm not sure.

Chief, smart here. We just
passed fourth and taylor.

Right, max, I got you
pinpointed. Fourth and taylor.

Wait a second, chief, better
make that fifth and taylor.

Fifth and taylor? I thought
you said fourth and taylor.

I did, chief. But as I
said fourth and taylor,

We passed fifth and taylor.

I'll tell you what, max, I'll
pinpoint you at eighth and taylor.

That way we'll both be
there at the same time.

You may be there, but we
won't. We're now on carver.

Is that carver boulevard,
or carver avenue?

Carver high school.

we made a wrong turn.
I thought it was a street,

but it was a playground.
Don't worry, chief.

We made it, chief. I'm now
checking out the street.

Chief, there's a
policeman on the corner,

But I don't think
he's a real policeman.

- What makes you think that?
- He's wearing sneakers.

Max, that's control agent
foster. He's a very good man.

He may be a very good man,
but he's a lousy dresser.

There's also a guy
selling ice cream

Who's keeping his eye on us.

That's harrington.
He's with us too.

And there's a lady
with a little boy

waiting at the bus stop.

is she with control too?

No, she isn't, but
the little boy is.

Well, everything else
appears to be in order chief.

All right, fine.

- You were right, max.
- About what?

That was fourth and taylor.

Here you are, mr. Clark,

Your safe deposit
box and the key.

Thank you, miss becker.

You can use one of
the booths for privacy,

And then put the box in
the vault whenever you like.

Thank you. I'm waiting
for one of my assistants

To show up with some
important documents.

Well, while you're waiting, why
don't you have some tea and cake?

Oh, that would be lovely.

You do have a checking account
with us, don't you, mr. Clark?

- No.
- No, I don't either.

A savings account?

Christmas club?

Then, why don't
you wait right here?

Oh, chief, don't be so nervous.

- Max'll be along in a minute.
- He'd better be.

After all these precautions, if
anything happens to that address book...


Gone along with max's plan.

Which plan was that, chief?

The one where the 13 control
agents memorize the book,

And if anything happened
to 12 of them, then the...

Oh yeah, the one where
you threw the book at him.

Here they come now.

Well, chief, everything went
off perfectly without a hitch.

We left control, got
into the armored truck,

Went through a
car wash three times

In case anyone was following us.

The truck was
dirty anyway, chief.

- And here we are.
- With a clean truck.

- Okay okay. Let me see it.
- It's parked out in front.

Not the truck, the
book. Open the chest.

Oh... Well, the book
isn't in the chest, chief.

You see, we just used
the chest as a decoy.

Oh, that's very clever, max.

Oh, well thank you, 99.

You see, in case we
walked into a kaos trap,

I wanted to be sure that kaos
was left with an empty chest,

Because larabee
was holding the book.

That's not bad.
Larabee, where is it?

I put it in the chest.

Okay, max, open it up.

- Where are the keys, larabee?
- The key is in the book.

- But the book is in the chest.
- The key is in the book.

Larabee, there is a
padlock on the chest.

Without a key, how are
we supposed to unlock it?

I could do it, chief, but we're in
a bank, it could be a little noisy.

How noisy?

That noisy.

You can't sh**t
off a g*n in a bank!

Are you out of your mind?

Man: may I see you
people out here, please?

Good work, officers.

He didn't do anything.

We were being held up.

When you fired your g*n, he
dropped his and put his hands up.

I'm c barton neff,
president of the bank.

Oh, harold clark, potomac
greeting card company.

- This is my secretary.
- How do you do?

And these two
gentlemen are my...

- Bodyguards.
- Yes, bodyguards.

Why should the head of a greeting
card company need bodyguards?

Because none of his
employees like him.

Larabee, give me a hand in here.

Right, chief.

Was mr. Clark in the navy?

No, he was not.

I noticed the other
guard called him chief,

So I assumed he was a chief
petty officer in the navy.

Oh, that navy. Yes yes yes,

He was in that navy.

You've locked the vault!

There's an a*t*matic
time lock on that door!

But this is friday. Are you saying
this vault can't be open until monday?

- No.
- Oh, thank heavens.

Tuesday. Monday's a
holiday. We're closed.

You mean they're locked
in there until tuesday?

Max!

Now take it easy, 99,
it's not that terrible.

After all, they've
got a book to read.

They're gonna have a
lot of time on their hands.

The problem is there's
just enough air in that vault

To last 24 hours.

Oh. Well, in that case,

They're not gonna have
as much time as I thought.

He's not making
much headway at all.

No, he certainly isn't.

Come on.

What are you gonna do, max?

I'm gonna use my shoe phone to
contact the chief on his watch phone.

Good thinking.

Line's busy.

Wouldn't you know
it, max's line is busy.

Maybe you dialed it
wrong, chief. Try again.

All right.

I'll try again.

Still busy.

I'll dial the control
operator, and have her break in

On whoever max is talking to.

Yeah, that's what I would do.

Chief's line is still busy.

Why don't you call
the control operator,

And have her cut in on
whoever the chief is talking to?

That's exactly what
I was going to do.

The operator's line is busy too.

Ooh. Call the chief again.

I can't get anyone.

Hello?

Hello, this is maxwell smart.
Let me speak to the chief.

This is the chief.

Oh, hi. Glad I could get ahold
of you. How are things going?

What do you mean,
"how are things going?"

You're on the outside...
What's happening out there?

Well, we've got a guy working on
the door with an acetylene torch.

Is he making any progress?

Er, yes, in a way.

What do you mean, "in a way"?

Well, chief, he's only been
working on the door for a half hour.

We figure in another five minutes,
he should have the paint off the door.

Let me talk to him, max.
Chief, I want you to know

That everything possible's
being done to get you out of there.

We've sent for the rescue squad.

And chief, mr. Neff says that
we should have you out in time.

What do you mean, "in time"?

Oh, nobody told you
about the air, huh?

- What air?
- Well, that's it, chief.

In another 24 hours, you
won't be able to say "what air?"

You mean there's only enough
air in this vault to last 24 hours?

Yes, well, chief, there's
nothing to get excited about,

Because tonight is the night
they push back the clocks,

And you pick up an
extra hour of air.

- No, max. They push them forward.
- More or less.

What do you mean,
"more or less"?

Less.

Chief, is there
anything that I can do?

Yes, keep your
husband off the phone.

And, 99, if what
max says is true,

We don't have much time. Now
here's what I want you to do...

Air in, and air out.

Larabee, will you stop that?
We only have a certain amount

Of air in here, and
you're using it all up.

You use your half
the way you want,

And I'll use mine
the way i want.


Can get us out of here in time.

Who's that, chief?

Baffles, the greatest
safecracker in the world.

But isn't he in prison?

Yes, he is, and it's up to
you and max to get him out.

Baffles?

You just missed him.

Will he be back soon?

I hope not.

Max, we're too late. What
are we gonna do now?

You folks got a problem?

Yes. We're looking
for a safecracker.

Safecracker. Well, you've
come to the right place.

Not necessarily the right
cell block, but the right place.

- Are you a safecracker?
- No. I'm a forger.

Oh. Well, you see, we
have a friend of ours

Who's locked in a bank vault,
and we have to get him out.

Could you recommend
a safecracker?

What does it pay?
Maybe I'll do it.

But you're not a
safecracker, you're a forger.

So, what do I care?

If there's a buck in it, I'll do
anything. What are you paying?

If you can get him
out of the vault,

We have the authority
to give you your freedom.

Okay. My freedom and a buck.

All right, let's go.

Oh, not so fast.
Let me see the buck.

What's the matter with you?

We're offering you your freedom.

We're saying that you can
walk right out of this prison.

You can go outside
and be a free man.

What's it like on the
outside these days?

Er, we'll give you two bucks.

Hmm, I don't know.

- What bank is it?
- The bank of the potomac.

Why didn't you say
so in the first place?

- That's one bank I've been dying to hit.
- Why?

That's the bank where my ex-wife

Deposits her alimony checks.

Larabee, you're
wasting your time.

That door is a foot thick,

And it's constructed of
iron and laminated steel.

You'll never open
it with a quarter.

How 'bout two
dimes and a nickel?

Hello?

Chief, we just got
back from the prison.

Not a moment too soon. We're running
out of air in here. Did you get baffles?

No, we didn't get baffles, but we
got his cell mate, freddie the forger.

Freddie the forger? A
forger can't open a safe.

Well, he says he can.

Max, he's a forger.
He doesn't know

The first thing
about opening a vault.

What's the difference?
It's worth a try.

If he fails, all we stand
to lose is a couple of bucks.

What happened? And
where is he going?

Kelly finally b*rned a hole

Through to inside the vault.

Then somebody there
plugged it up with a quarter.

That's ridiculous. That
hole's too small anyway.

You never could've gotten
them out through there.

We didn't intend to get
them out through the hole.

We just wanted
to get enough air in

So they could last
until tuesday morning

When the vault
opens automatically.

Well, you have
nothing to worry about.

Because freddie the forger here
is gonna open the vault right now.

Gimme the deuce.

Did you say his name was

- freddie the forger?
- That's right.

I believe your wife
has an account with us.

That's right.

There's no mistaking
her account.

She makes deposits from
some of the most famous

And wealthiest
people in the world.

Thanks.

She mad a deposit this morning.

Do you know who it was from?

Charles de gaulle.

She must know him very well.

It was signed "chuck."

Just wait till next week.

She's getting one
from howie hughes.

Get on with it, get on with it.

I'll need a fountain pen.

Oh, here. Use mine.

What are you gonna
do, sign them out?

For me, the pen has always been

Mightier than the sword.

What are you doing?

I am depressing the ink

Into the timing mechanism.

The ink will act as a lubricant,

Causing the gears to spin ahead

At an accelerated rate.

In a few moments,

The timing mechanism
should advance to the point

Equivalent to tuesday morning.

Well, that's terrific, freddie.

He's worth two bucks.

Shh shh shh!

Chief, are you all right?

I'm all right, 99, just let me
get my breath, and I'll be fine.

Chief, I want you to
meet freddie the forger.

He's the guy who
opened the safe.

- Thanks for saving our lives.
- Thanks for the two bucks.

Larabee, get the book.

May I have my pen, please?

It was an anniversary gift
from my wife. Thank you.

Well, now that you
have your freedom,

I hope you're not
gonna get in trouble.

Don't worry, I've
forged my last check.

- What are you gonna do?
- I think I'll take up safecracking.

It's a lot easier.


Freddie down to

Headquarters and get
him a change of clothes?

Sure, chief. Come on, freddie.

- Well, max, where's the book?
- Huh?

- The book.
- The book!

Chief! I sent larabee
in to get the book,

And they locked the safe on him.

- Come on, max, let's go.
- Chief, what are you talking about?

Larabee is locked in, and nobody
knows about it except you and me.

Shh! Come on.