05x09 - Wish We Weren't Here

[bunniefuu]

mother

dad abby larry thanksgiving is a time

for families to be together

a time to give thanks to share memories

and to go at each other's throats like a

bunch of rabid dogs

mother dad abby larry

thanksgiving is a time for families to

be together but not this year this year

me and greg are going to the bahamas

fine we'll do it your way we'll call

them thank you

from the bahamas

[Music]

be right out not if i can help it

[Music]

oh we're joining the mile high club no

you're joining the mile high club

i'm your sponsor

folks this is captain armstrong and it

looks like we're running into a little

weather

so if you could just mosey on back to

your seats we'd appreciate it

sorry for any inconvenience

he has no idea actually he does

i had the flight attendant clear this

with him

uh

welcome to fort wayne so sorry for the

inconvenience welcome to fort wayne

folks sorry for the inconvenience

wow i shouldn't ever see fort wayne

indiana

it's a dream come true do you do you

know when we might be able to take off

again

sure don't the east coast is totally

snowed in

we have hotel vouchers available hotel

vouchers

how cool is this um this is our first

time in fort wayne

which hotel is closest to the action uh

uh dom

we're not staying um vouchers are the

sucker move we don't have to go to

newark to get to the bahamas we can

connect through

atlanta or miami

well when didn't even think about her

wendy

wendy and daryl from 11 b and c

they're supposed to get married in the

bahamas tomorrow where's wendy and daryl

dharma i'm gonna miss my wedding oh you

know what

you're gonna get their time and you're

gonna be a beautiful bride maybe a

little

snotty and puffy from all the crime

she's such a pretty girl no one will

even notice you get there tomorrow

sweetheart

so i missed the bachelor party i've got

p*rn at home

you're right you do it's okay see

let's go do something guys oh

a taste of fort wayne is today honey

let's go see what fort wayne tastes like

darma we

we can't leave the airport i'm gonna

have us out of here in 15 minutes oh

okay well even better the abraham

lincoln airport museum

are you guys linking what i'm liking

15 minutes dharma 15 minutes dharma

i'm very sorry ma'am but i don't control

the weather

hi we're going to step behind the line

until i call you thank you very much

next hi my wife and i are going to the

bahamas but uh since there are no

flights into newark i found a way to get

us there through miami

oh you're one of our travel experts

aren't you

tell your little machine that my big

machine says that all flights east are

cancelled

next hold hold on hold on no no no next

no next no next

um what if i don't go east i'm not good

with brittles sir

i'm saying forget the bahamas there is a

flight to dallas in a half an hour from

there can you get us to say

acapulco or cancun i can get you to

acapulco

via san francisco but what are you doing

nothing you're double booking aren't you

and this is the thing

the plane that goes to acapulco is

coming from chicago so you may have a

delay in san francisco that's funny we

just came from san francisco

book it please

honey i got us on a flight to acapulco

but that's just a backup because if we

hustle we're going to hawaii come on

oh oh i can't right now honey this is

julianne and she used to go potty but

she's a big girl she wants to go into

the ladies room but she can't take her

dad in there well where's my mother

uh mommy and daddy are it's phil's

playing what

let's fill space oh they're divorced

very messy uh you got 20 minutes meet me

at gate 15.

come on up here hun i can't come get you

i was waiting for you to say next

i'm greg montgomery and uh i'm a book to

honolulu

oh yes there you are just let me have

your ticket honey it's an e-ticket

well in order to transfer you you'll

need a paper ticket from your original

airline

no it's funny i was just there

next hey she did great she told everyone

to wash their hands

therma what do you what's wrong

daryl wants to break up with me hang on

hang on you're probably exaggerating

what exactly did he say

he said i want to break up

not a lot of gray area there hawaii's

looking good but i need you waiting at

the gate so we don't get bumped honey i

am in the middle of something

her fiance can take her to the bathroom

i don't have a fiance anymore

you know what just wait here i'll be

right back and

why can't you sit and read a book when

you travel like everyone else

next uh look i've gotten this on a

flight to hawaii

oh good i'll go pack i need a paper

ticket so i can switch airlines

so all that work we did rebooking you

that was just fun for me

you know if this weren't such a

rinky-dink airline i'd be in the bahamas

by now instead of arguing with a bitter

mid-level manager

i am a supervisor

so we're standing in there reading the

emancipation proclamation

and i'm thinking what am i doing i mean

there goes my freedom

daryl i'm not sure lincoln was talking

about your relationship when he wrote

that

those are timeless words i've been

looking everywhere for you

hang on hang on do you love her of

course i love her and be with her

because marriage doesn't mean you have

to lose your freedom

dharma come with me right now i gotta go

play from the plate

hawaii is going to be just as good as

the bahamas that's their motto

we are we're people we should

use a treadmill oh no

you didn't hear the announcement did you

what

the flight to hawaii is canceled the

equipment never made it from hartford

do you have a flight anywhere to a place

where the temperature is more than 60

degrees

come on it's the day before thanksgiving

everything's book style try

anything well

i can get you on a flight to gary

indiana

and a motor coach to chicago

then i can get you on standby for tulsa

it honey

you're getting weird darling you have

got to go somewhere unless you want your

thanksgiving to be

a pressed turkey sandwich and and

cranberry juice at the take-off tavern

and that could be a great thanksgiving

honey would be you and me and

and wendy and daryl maybe if they patch

things up i'll be here

you know what i had a flight uh to

acapulco through san francisco that i

canceled can i get that back

no the flight to acapulco is full but

the san francisco lake is still open

okay we'll go back to san francisco it's

probably a good idea and from there we

can get to bakersfield irvine fresno

all right or we'll just go back home

yeah uh if you want that flight to san

francisco you're gonna have to run

so funny we just came from san francisco

great news abby we're coming home for

thanksgiving

no we're not having sex

huh i'm running

i gotta go we'd like those uh seats on

the flight to san francisco

i'm afraid that'll be impossible why

because we're just a rinky-dink airline

and i'm just a bitter man stuck in a

dead-end mid-management position who

will never earn six figures

i didn't say all that no but you hit a

nerve

hey listen

i don't know exactly why you hate him

but i can imagine

think about me i have to live with that

the poor thing i'm gonna put you at a

window

i'm gonna put him in 41b it's a

non-reclining middle seat right by the

lavatory

abby just phoned apparently gregory and

darma will be home for thanksgiving

after all

what happened to their trip oh i don't

know

troubling thing is abby is throwing a

surprise thanksgiving dinner

at their apartment and we are invited

are we going edward

we will be their guests in our son's own

home

now if they host this dinner they are

establishing a beachhead

a neutral territory now what do you

suggest we do

well i suggest we don't give a rant's

ass but i don't think you'd go for that

just bought me a diamond tennis bracelet

edward

well i'm rich

sorry about off the photo it's okay

right now dinner with our parents

doesn't seem so bad

may i have your attention please

transformable flight 438 to san

francisco has been

cancelled

why

greg look snow

isn't it beautiful

that's what makes the greenbrier resort

the number one

conference destination in the country

hereby see the little business people

having their meeting

when did you wake up about an hour ago

kids were getting restless and i wanted

to let their parents sleep in a little

who are you maria von trapp

i said whoever gets up first has to get

in line

morning greg morning

guy hi dharma

well look who made up

twice okie dokie folks

they've got one runway open so please be

patient

i don't usually work the gate and i'm

not trained on this system

excuse me i'm sorry are you

are you pat benatar yeah

i i saw your name on the uh standby

passenger list

and uh this line is for ticketed

passengers only so

big fan hit me with your best sh*t

honey how would a couple get married if

they don't have a wedding license

i don't know they'd have to find a judge

willing to waive the requirement

thanks hi

i'm uh greg montgomery hi marilyn peters

okay here we go your reservation

terminal and you

your attention please if there's a judge

in the airport who believes in romance

please pick up the white

courtesy phone a judge who believes in

romance please

pick up the white courtesy phone

oh okay here's what i'm doing wrong i've

been hitting the o

instead of the zero that's not it

what time do you take your break

sir i'm married

oh okay 10 o'clock

welcome welcome welcome kitty what are

you doing here so early well you know

how i like to get a jump on thanksgiving

dinner

oh edward would you see if our guests

would like a drink

sure i'd like a guava juice and abby

would probably take a tazo tea

i can't help them kitty i'm confused i

called and invited you to dinner but

you're always cooking

you cooked i catered

you sit down relax and make yourself at

home no no no no no you make yourself at

home

what's this scotch you're going to need

it

i wish you would stay in one place i got

us on a flight to san francisco we have

10 minutes oh no no honey i can't go now

i have to do wendy's hair

why for her wedding here

they have to get married today because

and this is so romantic

they're using wendy's grandmother's

wedding ring nine minutes darling and

engraved on the inside is the date her

grandmother got married

which is today's date that is so

romantic

let's go you know what if you want to

take this flight go ahead i'll meet you

at home

you know what i would do that but i'd

never see you again

you'd spend the rest of your life in

this airport saving marriages and

delivering babies and once a year the

local news will do a story about the

crazy wedding lady of the fort wayne

airport

i'm not in it for the fame gray

let's see if i can get us on the 2 30.

will that work for you

well i'd have to leave the reception a

little early 4 15.

but that's it

and there's our centerpiece see i like

to have something from our garden on the

table every year

here we go my centerpiece has a baby

that giant dog hovering over the parade

is kind of freaking me out

and if i flip around that's the wrong

remote finkelstein

thanksgiving is a time for families to

be together but not this year this year

me and greg are going to the bahamas

we can't send this what are our parents

going to say

gregory you're not coming for

thanksgiving

dinner but we're having a gold-plated

jackie

whoa man thanksgiving is just a bogus

plot

by the multinational poultry farmers

getting fat off the backs of the

working turkeys

finkelstein you're an idiot

whoa abby did you hear what the man said

calm down larry and eat your tofu

turkey

well i don't believe we need to hold

dinner any longer kitty

i'd like to try some of your gold-plated

turkey oh

and we'll leave the tofu turkey for the

children

you sound like that no no no no they

sure got the women down

um excuse me i i know this is a private

club but do you sell one-day memberships

we sure do great we just need a drink

and a comfortable sofa to lie down on

i hear you unfortunately right now we're

closed we're setting up for a wedding

reception

everyone there's this young couple and

they really want to get married today

so this woman a total stranger she's

arranging everything for them the

ceremony the music

she's an angel i'm

familiar with her work

we've only just begun

to live

white lacing promises

[Music]

[Music]

we started

[Music]

singing we've only just begun she didn't

know evergreen and this was wendy's

second choice

oh they look wonderful yeah like abe and

indira lincoln

so honey i'm sorry if i kept us here a

little longer this just seemed too

important

it's okay we'll be home soon we're on

the 4 15 and uh we're pretty lucky it

started to snow again and these may be

the last two tickets out of this airport

daryl's ring where's dale's ring

don't panic don't panic it's okay um

mola do you have anything like that but

maybe bigger

nice save

[Music]

it's a shame they're gonna have to spend

their wedding night in an airport

they'll be fine san francisco is

such a romantic city

so is fort wayne

first class i used our miles

this is definitely gonna be their best

gift they only had time to register at

cinnabon

we're gonna just begin

we won't just be

says

tell is