05x15 - It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's ... My Wife

[bunniefuu]

honey have you seen my other black belt

aha i knew it

for some time now i've suspected that

there's a significance to the black

belts the one you're holding is the

every day my shoes are black i need to

hold my pants up black belt

but this one this is the special

occasion black belt today is your first

day of work at your father's company

hence the craving for mr lucky

i don't have some kind of special black

belt

okay just to guess the plaid boxers with

the butterfly

oh hi donald hey dog hey guys what's the

special occasion

today's greg's first day at montgomery

industries oh

uh we got your mail again oh thank you

and i brought this comic book for dharma

did you do this yeah guy kinko says his

best comic book has run off all week

the blonde tornado yeah she has all the

power of a tornado

and she's blonde and she's you

hey it's me wow i'm hot well

i might have used dharma as a jumping

off point but actually the blonde

tornado is a mixture of a number of

people i know

who all look just like dharma so what

are the blonde tornado's powers besides

being able to inflate her breasts to

twice their normal size well

she can turn herself in a tornado and

wreak havoc wherever she goes huh

just like the real one who's the

the runty guy with the briefcase in the

suit uh

that's her mild-mannered sidekick i

gotta go to class

see donald thanks for thinking on me

well actually i wasn't thinking of you i

mean

of course i was thinking about it

are you okay with that yeah why well

cause there's a weird kid downstairs

drawing dirty pictures of you

they're not dirty come on what do you

call that it's just

limber nobody can bend like that

oh yeah follow me

you might want to start unbuckling mr

lucky

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

good morning janet oh good morning mr

montgomery

do you think that you could call me greg

not with any level of comfort

okay then all right you have a welcome

aboard at nine

followed by a staff meeting and then

lunch at 12 30. i'm sorry what is a

welcome award

we just did that thank you janet

oh fancy i can see why you left me and

pete behind to rot

uh janet this is my former secretary

marlene anchante

hello you left a lot of crap at the

office this is most of it

pete wouldn't get in the box you guys

are gonna be fine

pizza uh uh a competent lawyer and you

have um

skills you guys are gonna be a great

team hmm give us a week till one of us

is slabbed out cold with my nail file in

his neck

nice to meet you yeah let's do lunch

don't let her bother you i kind of took

her by surprise with this whole thing

and she's

a mean little person it's marvelous in

front of the widow he can look out at

the bay and steer

mother what are you doing oh hello

darling lorenzo

you remember my son yes of course who

can forget that magnificent jawline

thank you um uh what's with the wiggle

well i

am redecorating your new office i'm

going with the nautical theme

as befits my little captain of industry

mother not a captain and i don't want my

office to have a theme

oh listen to him all grown up and taking

charge

howard uh come in they were just leaving

aye aye captain

you know that wheel was on sale i don't

think we can return it

it's funny the boss's son gets a ship's

wheel and a view of the bay

and my office looks out on a billboard

advertising monistat 7.

okay uh come in everyone um let me just

say before we start uh what a pleasure

it is to be working with all of you and

despite who my father is i want you to

treat me like just another member of the

team

ah whipping your crew into shape huh son

well dad i was just

explaining to them that i'm new here and

you don't have to explain anything

you're a montgomery

your name's on the building for god's

sake

now remember when you're talking to him

you're talking to me

oh okay um uh uh what next um why don't

you tell us a little something about

yourself

maybe the long hard road that brought

you to montgomery industries

hi abby hey greg where's dharma oh i'm

afraid dharma's been kidnapped

and who shall we get to save her sounds

like a job for the blonde tornado

[Applause]

technically i'm supposed to spin when i

walk but

is there a reason you're dressed as the

blonde tornado greg does a person need a

reason to dress as a superhero

yes okay fine there's a comic book

convention and i'm going as the blonde

tornado to help donald promote his comic

book

by parading around like that in front of

horny teenage boys

and their moms honey do you have a

problem that other people find me

attracting no

no no that's that's that's not it um

abby do you understand what the problem

is here

no not really greg i mean dharma is

challenging the male archetype of the

superhero and if she can encourage

teenage boys to celebrate their

sexuality through self-gratification

right on sister daughter whoosh

oh no before you say anything according

to forbes magazine the pacific rim look

is popping up in the offices of

america's foremost executives

mother i know you mean well but i really

don't need your help

all i need is a desk and a chair and a

round metal trash can

oh i think what he's suggesting is retro

50s postmodern yes and he's doing it

very

forcefully

if you're not busy mr cavanaugh has

stuff oh really great hey guy how are

you

oh sorry

it's not my real desk oh it will be when

it grows up

so what brings you by well i just wanted

to bring you by a little something for

your new office oh that's very nice of

you

i didn't know what you needed so uh

here's ten bucks

thanks mm-hmm listen we didn't really

get a chance to talk about uh

you know my taking this little

sabbatical from the practice are we okay

yeah we're fine good yeah everything's

going great down there great

yeah there was just a couple things i

wanted to clarify you know about a few

of the cases sure absolutely

well you know that that elderly couple

that bought that rotten car and we were

trying to get their money back yeah the

finley's how's that going

well i met with him yesterday i gave him

some advice

long story short they're in jail

finleys are in jail how did that happen

i got some bad advice

listen i gotta tell you i i don't think

i can do this yes you can

pete you're a very good lawyer you just

need some confidence

hi howard very nice perfect for a number

one son

is this your uh this your decorator no

this is this is pete cavanaugh my old

partner he's a hell of a lawyer

really yeah our little practice wouldn't

have stayed open without this guy

oh okay i see what's going on here

yeah oh don't worry take a look lips are

sealed

so i guess i'll be seeing you around

here a lot then

howard hold on hey you know what

i'm gonna need this for parking uh

what what what did that mean it's no big

deal the old man put you in over your

head so you called in the brain trust

hey craig uh take a little peek in my

ear tell me if you see a pink eraser

yes citizens it's me the blonde tornado

whoosh yeah you don't have to keep

saying whoosh

and this is my sidekick captain buzzkill

come on that was a total blast i got to

sign autographs

donald sold 70 copies of his comic plus

it was totally non-creepy so you didn't

even have to be there no it wasn't

creepy at all and look some of your

non-creepy fans followed you

isn't the guy in the middle the one who

is standing next to you for a half an

hour breathing heavily

toby has asthma everybody on the floor

now oh my god

give me everything twenty's under the

drawer too he can't just lie here while

he robs mr and mrs fear paul

quiet they just bought a house i got

four kids one's at veterinary school

plus this guy ruined his life he doesn't

even know what he's doing

hey shut up back there

he knows what he's doing

all right here's the plan i'm gonna talk

to him and if that doesn't work you do

something

what no excuse me you may just be making

the biggest mistake of your life what

are you supposed to be

don't hurt him greg just just sit on him

[Applause]

i'm a little confused here all right

donald wrote a comic book

i wore the costume to help promote it

and inadvertently foiled a crime i'm not

really a superhero

but if you were a superhero you couldn't

tell us right

dharma we are so proud of you hey

craig's want to do the hard part oh

dharma i know you're just trying to

protect his male ego but i'm sure he's

evolved enough to know that a woman is

capable of being powerful

yeah that's why he's cowering on the

floor here

i was picking up the g*n doesn't matter

what you were doing greg

the point is you kept your head down and

let the professional handle the crisis

she's not a real superhero no greg now

you're just sounding petty

did you see this yeah it's american

journalism at its finest

oh my phone's been ringing all morning

everybody wants to know about the blonde

tornado including god from marvel comics

and channel 7 called they want to

interview you tonight what's your penis

tonight's no good we're having dinner

with spiderman

be right back now watch in a few minutes

the blonde tornado will suddenly appear

listen honey i know it's kind of

bothering you that i'm getting all the

credit for stopping that robbery when

you

absolutely helped

i helped was my plan

i jumped on the guy i knocked him down i

tied him up i got the g*n out of his

hands and all you did was sit on him

okay honey regardless of who did what

donald has the opportunity to here to

get a lot of publicity for his comic

book and it would really help if we just

stick to the story that's out there

okay really yeah

it'll help donald you're right you're

being the good guy here

you want me to help you with that

sorry push

what was the uh thinking here

according to mr lorenzo it says that

you're a professional but you're

also in touch with your playful side

would you let mr lorenzo know that i

don't have a playful side

i'll call him right now thank you

i had a question but if it's nap time i

can come back

what is it howard well if it's not too

much trouble could the blonde tornado

possibly autograph that or my daughter

lily

of course yeah by the way could you

settle a bit in the picture there are

you crawling away or

praying i got 20 bucks on crawling

i i was picking up the g*n i had knocked

out of his hand

so that's the official explanation and

that's the actual explanation of course

i'll try to make it sound that way

anyway i have the monthly report from

our legislative analyst

should i send it directly to your friend

pete pete will not be looking at this

ooh riding the two-wheeler all by

ourselves are we

morning sun morning howard ed your boy's

doing a bang-up job

real bang-up john uh listen son

the word around the office is you're

using pete as your own private think

t*nk

quite frankly i didn't think it was that

sharp but of course you know him better

than i do that

pete has come by a couple of times but

it's just to actually i just came by to

say good work

a smart executive uses what resources he

can to cover his

ass i don't need anyone to cover my ass

of course you don't you're at montgomery

you'll always have a job here

[Music]

your frog's ringing

dharma

dharma it's three in the morning why are

you ironing your cape

you're right i'm spinning around at 200

miles an hour it's just gonna get

wrinkled anyway

what are you talking about oh

tornado when did we get a barometer

sounds like someone wants to play

twister

don't wait up for me honey

duh

there you are boy i need you to unpack

the stock options and put a nice little

display pyramid at the end of mile one

i don't know how to do that then ask

pete

pizza genius he sure

is i see you're finally wearing the

pajamas your mother got you

the pete would you cover his ass please

i got it

son get to work where's your desk here

we go

the perfect desk for my junior captain

of industry

try it gregory it says your mother's in

charge of your life

and there's nothing you can do about it

all right nobody move this is a hostile

takeover and over all your proxy votes

or i'll bury you in paperwork howard

i'm sure that we can resolve this

resolve this

daddy's boy

quick strength get on the floor crawl or

pray

so blonde tornado we meet again i don't

believe we've had the pleasure

i'm sorry blind tornado this is howard

he's a business themed super villain

howard this is the blonde tornado

well i'd love to stay and chat but i've

got a husband to save nice to meet you

nice to destroy you

what a relief i've broken the wind

tornado the chair

he's getting away

damn you blonde tornado next time you

want a fool with my little husband you

might want to check the weather report

there could be a tornado warning

[Music]

i could have helped

[Laughter]

that should do it yeah you go

thank you very much

be kind rewind

honey are you sure you want to do this

honey i know i said that i was okay with

all this but uh

i'm not okay uh i want to thank you all

for coming today there's been a lot of

confusion

about recent events but hopefully the

idea of what we're doing here

generally no hard presence just do what

i do furrow your brow

and nod okay uh

first i'm going to show a video that i

got for mr veerapong at the speedy mart

and after that uh pete will have some

comments about his level of involvement

here

uh followed perhaps by apologies from

those of you who feel it's appropriate

howard uh just in time i think you

should have a front row seat

well i hope you don't mind i found out

your wife was gonna be here so i brought

my daughter

hi sweetie don't yeah yeah

i have her on tuesdays and thursdays

she's having a hard time with the

divorce and

your wife's comic book really seems to

be helping her out

it is yeah she just needs to see that

women can be strong and assertive

without

being drunk

honey look what lily drew

son could we get on with this

um i think we're gonna skip the

videotape but but pete can uh still

clarify his presence here

oh well all right i thought your dad

would want to be the one to say this but

uh guess the word's out

hello colleagues

what well you've been dragging him here

gratis we thought we'd put him on the

team

congratulations okay oh well i i guess

that about wraps it up thank you all for

coming

now now before you say no just just give

it some thought

and for your desk a big round table

i love it

good morning janice good morning good

morning

arlene what are you doing here well your

dad hired pete so i talked to him and

you needed an assistant

voila why don't i show you what we're

working on

can't i have a manicurist appointment

and she's all the way across town

now i'll be back before you know it

oh thank god sir sorry to interrupt you

might want to turn over onto your side

you're snoring and it's bothering your

wife