01x09 - Cry Wolf!

[bunniefuu]

- Yikes!

- Yikes! Whoa!

- They're attacking the
Evergreen Forest!

Cyril: What in blazes is that?

Bert: This is Bert Raccoon,

working undercover
on the Cyril Sneer story.

The Pig: You're the one
with the secret recipe!

- Nobody will ever wanna see

my face around here again.

♪♪

Narrator: This is the
Evergreen forest.

Quiet, peaceful, serene.

That is, until
Bert Raccoon wakes up.

Bert Raccoon: Yahoooo!

♪♪

Yeeeehaaaa!

Yikes!

Yaaaah...
[bam!]

[laughs]
[smash!]

Yeaaaah!

Narrator: Luckily, he has some
good friends to help him out.

Broo: [panting]

♪♪

Narrator: Life would be simple
in the forest except for...

Cyril Sneer!

[bleep blarp bloop]

And his life would be simple
except for...

the Raccoons!!

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

♪♪

It's another busy
day in the office

of the Evergreen Forest's
own newspaper,

the Evergreen Standard,

where Ralph and Melissa are
admiring their latest issue.

Bert: Melissa, Ralph, I'm back!

Melissa: Look Bert,
Ralph gave you a byline

for your story
on the Flower Show.

Ralph: It's very good, Bert.

Bert: Well, when
you ask for the best,

you get the best, naturally!

And that was a good story,
yeah, for page 6,

but I got a front page
story for you this time!

Melissa: Well, we both
really liked this story.

Bert: Believe me,
if you liked me for that one,

you're going to love me
for this one!

It's incredible!

Ralph: All we did was send
you for the weather report.

Bert: And I got it!

News, big news!

[upbeat humming]

Tornado hits Evergreen Forest.

Hundreds homeless, missing!
By Bert Raccoon.

Are you getting this down?

Ralph: [shocked]
Tornadoes?! Where?

I didn't even
notice any wind?

Melissa: Who's missing?

Bert: [dictating] Friends of
Cedric Sneer mourn today...

Ralph: Mourn?!
What happened to Cedric?

Bert: [dictates]
Cedric last seen waving

from the funnel shaped cloud...

Ralph: Cedric! Missing?!

In a tornado?!
Melissa: Oh no!!

That's terrible, Bert!

Bert: Oh, I know,
I know that's what I said.

Stop the presses!!

♪♪

Bert's story sent Ralph and
Melissa into a state of shock.

Ralph found himself unable
to think of anything,

except Cedric's disappearance.

Ralph: Poor Cedric.

Bert: Yeah, maybe we can use
these pictures with the story.

Ralph: I can't
believe he's gone.

I keep thinking he'll
walk through that door.

Melissa: [upset] Bert!
Bert: Hey!

My pictures, Melissa!

Melissa: There's someone
here to see you, Bert!

Cedric: Hi Bert! Ralph.

Ralph: Cedric!!

Cedric: Bert told me you wanted
the temperature reading,

so I got it, in both
Centigrade and Fahrenheit.

Ralph: You're alive!
H-how did you survive?

Cedric: Me?!

Ralph: Bert said you were
swept up by a tornado!

He-he even has pictures.

Cedric: Tornado?! Oh..
that's me at my cookout.

I guess I put too
much wood on the fire.

Ralph: You mean..
you made all this up?!

The tornado, the
hundreds homeless?!

Bert: Well, you said
you wanted a weather story.

♪♪

Ralph: We want
true stories, Bert!

And you've got
to report the truth,

or we can't let you write
for the Evergreen Standard!

Bert: But I gave you the best
story I could think of, Ralph.

You know me, I aim to please!

Bert Raccoon, ace reporter!

Ralph: That could be
aced reporter!

Now, go out and get
me a weather report.

Melissa: And don't you ever
scare us like that again!

♪♪

Tommy: Come on, Broo!

Narrator: Meanwhile, in a
different part

of the Evergreen Forest..

Tommy: Come on, Broo.
Come on, boy, you like it.

Broo, where are you, boy?

Dan: Okay kids,
the bath's ready.

Julie: Come on, Broo!
Baths are fun!

There's nothing to be scared of.

Easy, boy.

[splash!]
[kids giggling]

All: [laughing]

Tommy: Maybe he wants his toys.

Julie: Well, where's
his rubber duck?

Tommy: I saw him playing with it
at the old Beaver pond.

Julie: Stop it, Broo! [laughs]

Schaeffer, go find it!
Schaeffer: Woof!

Bert: The Evergreen forest was
savaged by storms this morning.

Freak lightning lashed..

Cedric: But Bert,
it's a beautiful day.

Bert: Come on,
that's not news, Cedric!

News has got to be exciting!

Oh, I wish something
big would happen.

I wish a space ship would
come down from Mars!

Or some other Galaxy,
with big ray g*ns blazing.

Aaaah!

[sh**ting sound]

Uaaaah! They're attacking
the Evergreen Forest!

[sh**ting sound]

♪♪

[bam!]

Yahoooo!
[laughs]

Ah!...Ehm!

[blows!]

Now, that's news.

Schaeffer:
The rubber duck.

Have you seen the rubber duck?

Cedric: Schaeffer?!

Schaeffer: I thought,
it was with the moose.

Bert: Um...What moose?

Schaeffer: The one that goes
squawk when you bite it.

Bert: Oh, there's something
wrong with Schaeffer?

Cedric: Um, did you lose
something, Schaeffer?

Bert: Be careful, Cedric,

he's foaming at the
mouth,

and you know
what that means.

Mad dog!!

Cedric: [gasps]

Schaeffer?!

Schaeffer: He loses everything.

He lost his tugboat too,
and his..

Bert: See? He's babbling
like a maniac!

[frothing sound]

We can't handle
this ourselves.

We have to get help.

But Ralph, you
gotta believe me!

Asceptic! You saw it, didn't
you, didn't you, Cedric?

Cedric: [giggles]

Melissa: But Schaeffer is
the most stable, normal..

Schaeffer: Hi, guys!

Bert: [gasps]
Back Schaeffer, back, back!

Schaeffer: Um, I want
to place a notice

in the Lost and Found
about Broo's duck.

We can't get him to take
a bath without that Ducky.

Ralph: Is this
your Mad Dog, Bert?

Bert: But, but..
he was frothing at the mouth.

There were bubbles
everywhere and,

he said he was going
to bite a moose!

♪♪

Ralph: Look Bert,
maybe you're not cut out

to be a newspaper man.

Bert: Give me one
more chance, Ralph.

I know there's a big
story out there.

Ralph: Okay, as long
as it's a true story.

Bert: I got it, Ralph. True!

Ralph: Bert, wait a minute,
you forgot the...

[sighs]

Never mind.

♪♪

Bert: Okay, I promised
Ralph a story.

Now I've got to find one.

Ugh.. yikes!

Uaaaah!
[tires squealing]

Hey, what's your hurry?

Cyril Sneer's mansion.

I should have known.

Hey, this could
be my big chance!

[howling sounds]

There's something
strange going on here,

and I'm going to
get it all on film.

♪ [suspenseful music]

[camera clicking]
♪♪

♪♪

[camera clicking]
♪♪

♪♪

[camera clicking]
♪♪

Boy, oh boy! Wait'll
Ralph sees these!

[typewriter clacking]

Ralph, this is it!
I'm onto something big!

Headline: 'Organized crime
strikes Evergreen Forest'.

This time I got proof!

I got the pictures right here.

Ralph: I don't think so, Bert,

because you left
the film right here.

Bert: Uh-oh-ooh.

But there is something
going on out there, honest!

I can show you!

Ralph: Bert, just because
you make up a story...

Bert: This is the biggest thing
to hit the Evergreen Forest.

Come on, think like a reporter!

Ralph: One more chance,
Bert, that's all.

[crickets chirping]

No limousines,
no gangsters, no story.

Can we go home now?

[tires squealing]
Bert: [gasps]

♪ [dramatic music]

What did I tell ya'?

See? See? I bet that guy
has a submachine g*n!

♪♪

Ralph: That's a
violin case, Bert.

Bert: But they always put
machine g*ns in violin cases!

Everyone knows that.

The Pig: He's ready, boys.

Time for the big sleep.

Bert: You see,
I told you, Ralph,

The big sleep, that's gangster
slang for game over.

The old concrete pipe
and slippers..

You know?

- Curtains!

[slam]

♪♪

Narrator: Ralph and Bert
wasted no time in finding out

what was really going on in
Cyril Sneer's mansion

that night.

The Bear: Your hot
chocolates, Sir!

Cyril: I've had
my hot chocolate!

I've had my hot bath
and I still can't sleep!

I haven't slept for a week.

Well, make yourselves useful.

Play a little bedtime music.

♪ [bad violin playing]

Bedtime, you fools,
not bad time!!

A lullaby. Play a lullaby!

The Pig 1: ♪ Cyril Sneer,
close your eyes ♪

The Pig 2: ♪ May your
bacon cast rise. ♪

The Pig 3: ♪ While your
cash registers ♪

The Pigs: ♪ Bring
you sweet lullabies ♪

♪ Cyril Sneer...
Ralph: He has insomnia.

He can't get to sleep.

So what's the big deal
about that?

Bert: Ralph, wait a minute.
Maybe...

Ralph: Bert, when are
you going to learn?

You can't let your imagination

run away with you all the time!

Bert: But this could be an act.

They may suspect we're here.

Ralph: Do you believe
that? Come on, Bert!

Bert: Ralph, wait!

Ralph: I'll be at home, when you
get tired of imagining things.

The Pig: Good night, Cyril!
Cyril: [gentle snoring]

[gentle snoring]

Bert: [sighs]

Maybe Ralph was right.

Maybe I am just
imagining things.

Whoa-aaaaah!

Cyril: What was that?

The Pig: A lullaby
by Brahms, Sir.

Cyril: I mean out there!

In the woods, that noise!

The Pigs: You mean the
breeze in the trees, Sir?

Cyril: No, you twit!

I mean the twigs snapping,
the loons looning.

No wonder I can't get to sleep!

[gentle hooting]

And now owls. I've had it!

Bert: Shhh!

Cyril: Call the cement trucks!

This forest is too noisy!

Shut up, Snag!
Bert: Uaaaah!

[crunch]

Cyril: I'm going to
cover it in concrete!

[laughs]

That'll make it quiet!
The Pig: But, Sir..

Cyril: Do I have to mix the
cement myself? Hop to it!

The Pig: Yes, Sir!

Cyril: I'll have the quiet
you can only get

in an empty parking lot at dawn!
[laughs]

Bert: Asphalt,
Ralph, concrete!

The whole forest
will be paved over!

Ralph: Is this another
one of your stories, Bert?

Bert: You gotta
believe me, Ralph,

we'll have nothing
to do but park cars.

Ralph: [chuckles]

You're a real kidder, Bert,
with a great imagination.

Bert: Ralph, I'm serious.

Schaeffer: You can
cancel the notice.

We found the rubber ducky.

Ralph: Thanks, 'Mad Dog.'

[giggles]

Bert: You don't believe me,
do you Ralph?

Ralph: Look, Bert..
Bert: I can prove it!

I'll bring back proof!

Real proof!

The Pig: I don't care
how many trucks it takes!


I want that cement here
tomorrow. Do you read me?

[slam]

You just can't get
good help these days.

Where's that sleepy time chef?

He should be here by now.

♪♪

Bert: [gentle blowing]
Testing, testing.

Ehm! This is Bert Raccoon,

Ace reporter, working undercover

on the Cyril Sneer story.
I approa...

The Pig: We've been
waiting for you!

Bert: You have?!

The Pig: The agency said
you'd be here yesterday.

Bert: They did?!

The Pig: The sleepy
time chef is here.

Bert: The who?!

The Pig 2: So, you're the
one with the secret recipe.

The Pig 3: Your famous recipe,
that guarantees sleep.

He's going to make zoop.

The Pig 1: [giggles]
Aaaah, oui, zoop!

The Pig 3: Voila!

The Pig 2: This better work!

The boss is depending on you!

Bert: [with French accent]
Ah, but of course,

nothing but ze best
for ze boss, hein?

♪♪

♪ Here I go again,

♪ Falling out of line

♪ Falling in with someone new

♪♪

♪ Here I go again,

♪ Getting out of line

♪ Forgetting there's
so much to lose ♪

♪ But I'm holding out for you

♪ Hoping that it's true

♪ I don't want somebody new

♪♪

♪ Struggling in the dark

♪ Lost when we're apart

♪ No one makes me feel
like you do ♪

♪♪

♪ Here I go again,

♪ Falling for a line

♪ No one but myself to blame

♪ Everywhere I turn,

♪ Searching for a sign

♪ Fall victim to the
same old game ♪

♪ But I'm holding out for you

♪ Hoping that it's true

♪ I don't want somebody new

♪ Don't want nobody new

♪ Struggling in the dark

♪ Lost when we're apart

♪ No one makes me
feel like you do ♪

♪ Ooh

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh,

♪ ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

♪♪

The Pig: Stay out!

[slam!]

Narrator: Poor Bert
still needed proof.

He had to show Ralph and Melissa

that he was on to a
very real story indeed.

A story with dire consequences.

♪ [mysterious music] ♪

That evening, Bert had
a brand new idea.

[rustling]

Cyril: Where are those
cement trucks??

That noise from that
forest is deafening!!!

The Pig: Don't worry, Sir.
The trucks will be here

first thing in the morning.

Cyril: I want to sleep now!!!

Morning is eight
sleepless hours away.

The Pig 2: Calm down, Sir.
Cyril: Calm down?!

I get vicious
when I can't sleep!

I'm not my usual lovable self.

[knock-knock]

The Pig 2: We have a
surprise for you, Sir,

someone, to help you nod off.

Cyril: What in blazes is that?

She's Auntie Bertha,
the story lady

from the Tree Top Tuck-in
service, Sir.

The Pig 1: She's the one who's
going to put you to sleep!

Guaranteed!

Bert: [giggles] Well,
of course, my little dears.

Cyril: Hmmm..?

Haven't I seen you
somewhere before?!

Bert: You may have
seen me on TV.

Every afternoon.
And at nighttime.

Cyril: Perhaps. Well,
story lady, do your stuff.

Bert: First, we tuck you in.

Now.. did you brush your teeth

like a good little boy?

Cyril: Grrrrrr..
Bert: Hi-hi! Well!

Moving right along,

The Pig: Doesn't he
get a good night kiss?

Bert: [laughs] Usually
we start with the story.

The Pig 2:
What about a bed time hug?

Bert: No!!
The Pig 2: No? [laughs]

Bert: Once upon a time,

there were Three Little Pigs.

Cyril: Pigs?!
Who cares about pigs?

The Pigs: No one, Sir.
Cyril: I want a real story.

Give me King Midas!

I want to hear about
Midas and his

wonderful golden touch.

Bert: Once upon a
time there was a King

who had a golden touch.

Cyril: Oh, I like that!

My kind of man.

Bert: Everything he touched,
he turned to gold.

Cyril: Good! Good!!

Bert: His cities were gold.

His streets were gold.

Cyril: Marvelous! Marvelous!!

Bert: In fact,
his whole kingdom

was paved with gold.

He even paved
the forest with gold.

What do you think of that?

The Pig: Ohh, that's nothing!!

[giggles] We're going
to do that tomorrow,

with cement!
Cyril: What?! [coughs]

Bert: Sh-sh! Calm down now.

You won't get to sleep
that way, Mr Sneer,

what you need is a
nice, relaxing massage.

[giggles] Those
silly little pigs.

Why would anyone want
to pave the forest?

Cyril: Feels good!

Hey.... [mumbles]

Bert: [gently]
What's that Mr. Sneer?

Mr. Sneer..

Speak up!!!! Mr Sneer!

The Pig 3: That's a strange
massage technique.

The Pig 2: Well, I'd say
she's pretty strange, period!

The Pig 3: In fact..

yikes.. she's a he!!!

[giggles]
In the boss's bedroom.

Snag: Grrrr!

Bert: No wait, I'm the story
lady, remember? [giggles]

Once upon a time,
there were three musketeers...

[bam-slam!]

♪ [gentle music]

I'm a rotten reporter.

I can't do anything right.

[from recorder]
..in fact his whole Kingdom..

There's nothing on this tape
but tall tales.

Ralph and Melissa were right.

I guess, I'm just not
cut out to be a reporter.

Maybe if I tried to explain?

Dear Ralph and Melissa,

I know you won't believe me,

and I don't blame you,
I guess...

nobody will ever want
to see my face

around here again.

The Pig: That's him!
Bert: What do you want?

The Pig: You!!!

♪♪

[cement trucks idling]

Cyril: What?

Are you trying to tell me
it cost this much

to pave a crummy forest?

This is highway robbery!!

The Dog: Hey look mac, you
ordered it, you pay for it.

I haven't got all day.

Cyril: Where are those pigs?

Where is my story lady?

[honking]

The Pigs: She's here,
Sir, she's here.

The Pig: We got the story lady!

I don't need you now! Get lost!

Ah, my old little sad lady.

Where are those magic fingers?

What?!
[coughing]

What the devil?

You're not Auntie Bertha!
You're a raccoon!

What kind of weirdo
are you anyway?

The Pig: Well, Sir..
The Pig 2: [giggles]

It's like this, Sir.
He's a.. um..

The Pigs: She...

Cyril: You bumbling idiots,

do you think I'm going
to be massaged by this?

[honk-honk]

Over my dead body!

Now I've got to pave the forest,

and it's going to
cost me a fortune. Oh!!

Bert: Um, a minute, maybe
we can work something out.

Cyril: What?! With you? Never!

The Pig: Oh, Sir,
maybe he has an idea.

[honk-honk]

The Dog: Look mac,
I got other deliveries.

Where's your checkbook?

Cyril: Um... what
do you have in mind?

Bert: Oh, uh... just a
little business proposition.

Cyril: No tricks!
Bert: No tricks.

Cyril: Okay, start talking.

And this had better be good!

♪♪

Ralph: This is a
wonderful story, Bert.

I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

Melissa: And your new
'Auntie Bertha' column

has already gotten us
new subscribers.

Bert: Aaah-ha!

Nothing to it. You know me,

Bert Raccoon, ace reporter!
[laughs]

What's my next assignment?

Melissa: Oh Bert!

Narrator: And so it was
that Bert Raccoon

saved the Evergreen Forest

and finally came to understand
what it meant

to be a real reporter.

Cyril: Ah-aaaah!

Oh-oooh!

A little higher boys,

and a little closer to the old
gluteus maximus.

And don't forget the pecs.

Don't stop, you twits!!

Why are you stopping?

The Pig: We have to stop,
till we get lesson two.

Cyril: Lesson two?!

The Pig: Yes Sir, it says,

'to be continued next week,'
Sir.

Cyril: Aaaagr!

The Pig: ♪ Cyril Sneer
close your eyes ♪

The Pigs:
♪ May your bacon strips rise

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

♪ Ooooooh

♪

♪ You can run with us

♪

♪ We've got
everything you need ♪

♪

♪ Run with us

♪

♪ We are free

♪

♪ Come with us

♪

♪ I see passion in your eyes

♪

♪ Run with us

♪

♪ Oh-oh-oooh, run with us

♪

♪ We've got everything
you need ♪

♪