03x04 - Life in the Fast Lane!

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: This is the
Evergreen forest.

Quiet, peaceful, serene.

That is, until
Bert Raccoon wakes up.

Bert Raccoon: Yahoooo!

♪♪

Yeeeehaaaa!

Yikes!

Yaaaah...
[bam!]

[laughs]
[smash!]

Yeaaaah!

Narrator: Luckily, he has some
good friends to help him out.

Broo: [panting]

♪♪

Narrator: Life would be simple
in the forest except for...

Cyril Sneer!

[bleep blarp bloop]

And his life would be simple
except for...

the Raccoons!!

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

[birds chirping]

[motorcycles wizzing by]

Bert: Wow! Here they come!

Cedric: Well Broo,
it's time to go fishing!

Broo: [barks]

Bert: Fishing!? This is the
Evergreen championships!

It's front page news, Cedric!

Cedric: What's so
thrilling about tearing up

the countryside and
making a lot of noise?

Broo: [barks]

Bert: Thrilling?! Thrilling?

Ha! What's so thrilling about
sitting in a boat all day

and whacking mosquitoes!

Wendo/Toof: C'mon Bix!
C'mon Bix! That-a-boy!

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon Bix!

Bix: Rule five!

Learn to drive. [laughs]

Bert: Watch out!

Toof/Wendo: Yahhoo!

Woooha!

Bert: Wow! Did you
see that finish?

Cedric: No, I didn't.

Toof: Hey Bix!
You're the champ!

Wendo: Number
one again, Bix.

Bix: Hey! Where's the crowd?

The press? The adoring fans?

Toof: Here we are, Bix!

Bert: Excuse me?
I'm Bert Raccoon,

from the Evergreen Standard.

Toof: The newspaper.

Bix: Ah. You're here!

Hi, Bix Wheelie's the name.

Toof: You're going
to interview Bix?

Bix: How's this,
for the front page?

Bert: Wow. Perfect!

Toof: Hey Bix, are
you going to tell him

about the Badger Bix Bike Club?

Bix: Better yet, hop on!

I'll take you for a ride.

Bert: You mean it? Wow!

Bix: Sure, I'm gonna tell you
all about the famous Bix Wheelie

for your newspaper story.

Toof: Isn't he the greatest?

Cedric: Uh huh.

Bert: Hey, can my
friend come along?

Cedric: No thanks, Bert.

I'm going to whack mosquitoes.

Bix: Weird!

Wendo: Sounds thriiiillling.

[bike revving]

[tires squealing]

♪♪

Cedric: Bix Wheelie! Hmph!

[bike revving in distance]

Bert: Hey, Cedric!

Bix: Hiya, Cedric.

Hey, that's a nice boat!

Dad's going to buy
me one just like it.

Wendo: Ah, it's okay.

Bert: That's my friend's boat.
Right, Cedric?

Cedric: It's Pop's boat, Bert.

Toof: Oh, it's
your Pop's boat.

Bix: How fast does
this thing go?!

Hmmm-hm!
Cedric: Hey!

Bix: Hey, can
I take her for a spin?

Cedric: I'm sorry,
but Pop has a rule,

that only I drive the boat.

Bix: Oh. That's cool,
our club has rules too!

Cedric: Oh, really?

Bix: Rule six?

Wendo/Toof: Trust Bix!

Bix: You see?

Bert: Yeah, Cedric,
you can trust Bix!

Toof: Yeah, he's the
trailbike champion!

Cedric: Well...

Bix: Allriiiiight!

[boat motor rumbles]

Cedric: Yaaaa!

[boat motor humming]

Hey, slow down!

♪♪

Bert would you tell him to..

♪♪

..slow down!!!

Bert: Bix, [nervous laughter]

it's a little shallow
around here.

T-th-the-there might be rocks.

Bix: Rocks?

The only thing that
rocks around here.. is me!

Rule nine: if it's fun,
it's fine!

[cr*ck]
Whoaaaaa!

[bump-bump-splash]

Hey, that was...close.

[pop!]

Oops! Oh ohhhhh.

Cedric: Pop is really
going to have a fit!

Bix: I didn't see the rock.
Did you see the rock?!

I'm really sorry about this.

Bert: Bix, we did tell you
to slow down. I-I mean...

Bix: Bert, I can't slow down..

I live in the fast lane!

You know what that's like?

Bert: Well, I..

Bix: I mean, if Cedric was
watching for rocks

it wouldn't have happened.

Cedric: What do you mean,
'watching for rocks'!?

Bix: Well... [chuckles]

the guy in front always
watches for rocks, right Bert?

Bert: W-w-well,
ah-uh-oh.. I guess.

Cedric: Bert!!
Bix: Don't worry Cedric,

my dad owns a big
hardware store.

We'll fix it.

Bert: See?
There you go, Cedric.

He'll fix it!
Cedric: Yeah.

♪

Cyril: Ooo-hmmmmm.

Pig1: Oh, you're meditating
magnificently, Sir.

Pig2: The Swami says, 'peace of
mind is like money in the bank'.

Cyril: Money in his bank!

He's making a fortune off
the hat franchise alone!

Pig1: And he scorns
material wealth, Sir.

Cyril: That's where
I've got the edge!

I'll meditate
myself to millions!

I'll buy a fleet of Swamis!

[laughs]

Pig2: Now, Sir,
remember, wild rages,

Pig1: And terrible tantrums..

Pig2: Waste valuable energy.

Pig1: And energy is power.

Cyril: And power is money.

Pig2: And money in the bank...

Pig1: ...Is peace of mind.

Pig2/Cyril: Oooommmmmmm.

Cyril: [soft snoring]
Pigs: [giggles]

Pig3: Boss!
Cyril: Ahhhh!

This better be
important, porker,

or your next job will
be in a can of beans!

Pig3: It's, it's Cedric, Sir.

Cyril: Cedric?
Pig3: He's got some..

not so good news.

Cyril: You put a
hole in my boat?!

Cedric: I'm sorry, Pop.

I should've done a better
job of 'watching for rocks'.

Cyril: Watching for rocks!?

Who was driving?!

You mean, you let that half-
wit Raccoon drive my boat!?

Cedric: No, Pop.
Bert wasn't driving it.

Cedric: Sorry, Pop.

Melissa: Hi, Cedric.
Cedric: Hi, Melissa, hi, Ralph.

Melissa: Um, are you
looking for Bert?

Cedric: Oh. Is he here?

Ralph: He just left
in a cloud of dust

with the trailbike trio.

Cedric: Oh.

Melissa: What's
the matter, Cedric?

Cedric: Oh, nothing..

Melissa: Well, I'm
worried about Bert, too.

Cedric: You are?

Melissa: Cedric, you know
how Bert likes to be

accepted by everyone.

Well, if he wants to be accepted
by the Badger Bix Bike Club,

I-I don't know, what
he'll end up doing!

Cedric: Oh,
don't worry, Melissa,

Bert will do the right thing.

Bert: [chuckles] You mean, I can
join the Badger Bix Bike Club!?

Bix: Sure!

Bert: But I don't have a bike?

Bix: Can you ride one?

Bert: Ha! Can Bert Raccoon
ride a trailbike!?

Ha-haa! I can ride
one blindfolded.

[nervouse chuckle] Uh oh!

Bix: Well, take your pick.

Bert: You mean,
I can try one of these?

Bix: Sure.

Bert: This one?

Bix: Ah. That's my bike, Bert.

Bert: Oh. Oh yeah, uh.

How about...that one?

Wendo: Sure. If you
want to buy it first.

Bert: Ah.. that one?

Bix: Allriiiight!

Bert: Maybe I should
ask Toof if it's okay.

Bix: Toof's busy.

He won't mind. Hop on.

[dirt bike revs]

Toof: My bike?!

Bix: Let the fun begin.

Bert: Ahhhhh!

Toof: Stop! There's
no brakes on that bike!

Bert: Aaaah!
Bix: What?

Toof: And the
accelerator is jammed.

Bix: Now you tell me?!

Bert: Ahhhhh!!!!

♪♪

Aaaah!

[dirt bike rumbles]

Cyril: Oommmmmmmm..

Pig1: Ah Sir,
you're already looking

like a new Cyril Sneer.

Pig3: Oh yes.

It's much nicer around here.

I-I-I mean ah..

Cyril: Stop babbling,
you nincom-pigs!

I can't hear myself think!

Pig2: But Sir, the Swami says,

clear your mind of all thoughts.

Bert: Ahhhhh!!!

Pig 1: Especially
nasty thoughts, Sir.

Pig3: Nasty thoughts
waste energy.

Pig2: And energy is power.

Pig1: And power is money.

Cyril: And money in the bank.

Pigs: As peeeeace of miiinnnd..

Oooommmmmmm..

♪♪

Bert: Uaaaaah!

Ua-ua-ua-uah!

♪♪

♪ When darkness falls

♪♪

♪ Leaving shadows in the night

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ Wipe that fear
from your eyes ♪

♪♪

♪ A desperate love

♪♪

♪ Keeps on driving you wrong

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ You're not alone

♪♪

♪ You can run with us

♪♪

♪ We've got everything you need

♪♪

♪ Run with us

♪♪

♪ We are free

♪♪

♪ Come with us

♪♪

♪ I see passion in your eyes

♪ Run with us

♪♪

[boing]

♪♪

Bert: Uaaaaah!

♪♪

Aaaaaaah!

♪♪

♪ You can run with us

♪♪

♪ We've got everything
you need ♪






Cyril: Ahhh!!

Bert: Aaaaaah!

♪ Run with us

♪♪

Cyril: Aaaah!

[wzoooom!]

Get back here, you
motorcycle megalomaniacal,

ring tailed, tree
dwelling t*rror1st!

[tires screaching]

Toof: Maybe we should
go after him, Bix?

Bix: Stop worrying.

The golden rule! Be cool.

[soft clicking]

Huh?!

♪ clicking engine approaching

Wendo: He made it.

Bert: Oohh-ahh.

I'm out, I guess.
Achhh!

Wendo: That guy...can ride!

Bert: Hey guys! Guess what?

I'm a member of the
Badger Bix Bike Club!

Ralph/Melissa: You're what?!

Bert: Now all I need
is a trailbike!

I-I better start saving!

I'll mow lawns, paint fences,

cut hair, take in laundry!

Melissa: Bert, calm down!

Haven't you forgotten
about Cedric?

Bert: Cedric? Do you think
he'd lend me the money?

Melissa: No, Bert!!

We think you might be forgetting
who your real friends are!

Bert: Cedric doesn't want
to join the club, Melissa.

He just wants to go fishing.

Melissa: You don't like
fishing anymore, Bert?

Bert: Well, sure I do. But, um..

Bix is fun, Melissa.

He's cool!

And he thinks that I'm cool too!

And that's cool!

Ralph: What is this?
The Polar Bear Club?

Melissa: Cedric was
looking for you today?

Bert: He was?
Ralph: Hmm-hmm.

And he looked like he'd
just lost his best friend.

Bert: Gee. You're right!

I have been ignoring Cedric.

I'm going to find him right now!

Thanks, Melissa! See ya, Ralph.

Bix: C'mon Bert!
Let's go for a ride!

Bert: I can't today, Bix.

I gotta find Cedric.

♪♪

♪♪

Toof: That was a great
ride, right Wendo?

Wendo: Ah, it was okay.

Bert: But the first
thing tomorrow

I've got to find
Cedric and explain.

Wendo: Hey, don't
worry about the boat.

Bix'll fix it.

Bix: Hey, Sneer's a millionaire,

he can buy a new boat.
Bert: Ah..

Toof: He's a millionaire?!

Wow! What kind of cars
he drive, Bert?

Bert: Ha! You haven't
seen Cyril Sneer's limo?

Whoa!

It makes the Chrysler building
look like a pick-up truck!

It's got triple overhead cams

and chrome wheeled drive,

and side pipes a mile long and..

Bix: Well, my old man's
GX250 V12 ZXL

has superturbo overdrive!

Bert: Well, Mr. Sneer's
limo has double super turbo

over overdrive!

Plus, two video games,

and hot and cold running water!

Bix: Sounds awesome.

Let's take a look.

Bert: Well, ah...

Bix: Shhhh! Listen.

Hear that?

[quiet forest]

[owl hoots]

[quiet forest]

Well? Turn on the blaster,
it's driving me nuts.

Cyril: Oohhmm!!

Pig1: Oh Sir, you're
meditating marvellously.

Pig2: Oh yes, Sir.

Pigs: [giggle]

Cyril: What are you
doing in here?!

Having a party!

Pig1/Pig2: No, Sir!

Pigs: No, Sir!!

Cyril: So this is what
goes on when I'm meditating!

Pigs: No, Sir!

It's out there, Sir!

Cyril: Well, get out
there and put a lid on it!

♪♪

Bert: Uh, guys, don't you
think it's a little... ah,

♪♪
loud?

♪♪
Toof: [laughs] Loud?

♪♪
[laughs] Bert, you're a scream!

♪♪
Bert: Well, it's kinda late.

♪♪
And the Sneer's
house is right there.

♪♪
Wendo: Rule eight:

♪♪
it's never late.

♪♪
All: [laughing]

♪♪
Cedric: Bert?!

♪♪

♪♪
[hoofs tapping]

Pigs: Master Cedric?!
♪♪

♪♪

Snag: Grrrr!

Pig1: You'd better
come along with us!

♪♪

Cyril: First, you sink my boat.

Then that masked menace,
you call a friend,

tries to run me down
on my own doorstep.

Cedric: B-b-but Pop..
Cyril: And now?

Now you're throwing
all night parties

for the local
motorcycle g*ng!

Cedric: Oh, but Pop..

Cyril: Where did I go wrong?

Son, you're grounded
for six months!

And if that Raccoon is
caught on my land again,

fur will fly!

Snag: Grrrr!

♪♪

Bert: I-I don't think
we should be here.

Bix: We just want
to sneak a peek

at the limo and
then we'll b*at it.

Toof: Heeey, the door's open!

Bert: Shhhhhh!
Don't go in there.

Bix: What's the matter
Bert, you scared?

Bert: Well, they had a look..
Now, let's go!

Bix: Hey, Bert!
Rule one. Never run!

Bert: Oh yeah?

Bix: Relax Bert,
I'll get 'em out.

Toof: Awesome!

Bix: Hey, cool!

Toof: Hey Bix, over here!

Wendo: This is a bunch of fun.

Bix: Wow, and what's this?

Wendo: Hmmm?

[loud honk!]

Aaah!

Toof: Ugh!!!

Bert: C'mon you guys!
Right, now!

Bix: Relax, Bert.

[blowing air]

A b*mb wouldn't
wake up Cyril Sneer.

Yeagh!!

[flames roaring]

Bert: Oh no!!
We've got to put it out!

Toof: Oh no!

Bix: Put it out?!
Let's get out!

Bert: Where's the fire alarm?!

Bix: Are you crazy?! C'mon!

Bert: You mean,
you're gonna run?

Voice: Every day, in every way

you're getting richer
and richer..

Every day, in every way,
Cyril: I'm rich!!

Bix: Wendo! Toof! C'mon!

[alarm sounding]
[fire roaring]

Wendo: Bix! I'm trapped!

Help!

Toof: Wendo?

Wendo: Heeeelp!

Snag: Grrr!!
Bix: Ahhh!!

♪♪

[alarm sounding]

Wendo: Bix! Help me!

Toof: Bix! Do something!

Wendo's trapped! Bix!

Cyril: My garage?!
It's on fire!

Bix: I-I-I didn't do it!
Bert did it!

Cedric: Bert's in there?!

[alarm sounding]

Cyril: My garage!

My limo! My son!

Cedric!

Cedric: Bert! Where are you?!

Bert: Cedric! I'm okay, but
Wendo's trapped at the back!

Wendo: [coughing] Bix! Bix!

Cedric: Wendo!
Get down on the floor!

Under the smoke!

There's air under the smoke!

[coughs] Air you can breathe!

[coughs]

Wendo: [coughs]

Cedric: Gotcha!

Pigs: Sir! Sir!
There's a fire!

♪♪

Wendo: [coughs]

Bert: [coughs]
Wendo: Hey, thanks, guys.

Bert: It's my...buddy you
should be thanking. I just..

Cedric: It was
team work, Bert.

Bert: Thanks Cedric.

Hey, where'd you
learn that trick

about going
under the smoke?

Cedric: From
being around Pop

and his cigars!

Bert/Cedric: [laughing]

Bert: Oh, oh.

Cyril: And from now on
you fur-lined fanatic.

You're an endangered species!

Bert: Mr. Sneer, first,
I want to apologize

for damaging your boat.

Cyril: I was right!

You did put the hole in it!

Wendo: [coughs]

Bert didn't do it.

[coughs] He did it!

Bert: And Mr. Sneer, I'm
sorry for driving recklessly.

I shouldn't have.

Toof: There were no brakes on my
bike and Bix let him ride it!

Bix: Yeah, but I didn't
start the fire!

Sang: Grrrr!!!

Bix: Okay! Okay!
I started the fire!

Cyril: I-I'm sorry, son.

I...made a mistake.

Cedric: That's okay, Pop.

We all make mistakes.

♪♪

♪♪

Bert: Cedric, ya know
there's nothing better

than sitting in a boat with
a fishing line and a friend.

Cedric: You know, Bert,
I'm glad you're here!

Bert: Rule 10,
let's start again.

Pigs: Every day, in every way

you're getting richer
and richer, Sir.

Cyril: [laughs]

Pull, you pampered porkers!

Pull!! Aaaah..

Now, this is what
I call relaxation.

All: [laughing]

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

♪ When darkness falls

♪♪

♪ Leaving shadows in the night

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ Wipe that fear from
your eyes ♪

♪♪

♪ The desperate love

♪♪

♪ Keeps on driving you wrong

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ You're not alone

♪♪

♪ You can run with us

♪♪

♪ We've got everything
you need ♪

♪ Run with us

♪♪

♪ We are free

♪♪

♪ Come with us

♪♪

♪ I see passion in your eyes

♪ Run with us

♪♪