04x13 - The Headline Hunter!

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: This is the
Evergreen forest.

Quiet, peaceful, serene.

That is, until
Bert Raccoon wakes up.

Bert Raccoon: Yahoooo!

♪♪

Yeeeehaaaa!

Yikes!

Yaaaah...
[bam!]

[laughs]
[smash!]

Yeaaaah!

Narrator: Luckily, he has some
good friends to help him out.

Broo: [panting]

♪♪

Narrator: Life would be simple
in the forest except for...

Cyril Sneer!

[bleep blarp bloop]

And his life would be simple
except for...

the Raccoons!!

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

♪♪

Narrator: It's often said
that truth

is stranger than fiction.

But when it comes
to Cyril Sneer,

it's sometimes hard to
tell the difference.

Barbara LaFrum: Now Mr. Midas,

you've admitted you're
a multi-billionaire,

yet your employees are
treated like slaves.

Cyril: Sock it to him, Barbara!

You've got old Milton cornered!
Ha ha!

Cedric: Um, Pop, you know that
charity event I mentioned?

Cyril: Quiet son,
I'm watching Twenty Minutes.

Barbara LaFrum's
just about ready to

destroy Milton Midas. I love it!

Cedric: But Pop, you
know how important

this charity is to everyone...

Cyril: Run along and tell
them I gave at the office.

Milton: Please, Miss LaFrum!
Give me another chance!

You're right. My employees
deserve better.

Cyril: That's pathetic.

How can a grown tycoon
behave like that?

What's the world coming to?

Ah well, better him than me.

[door slams]

Milton: ...raises all around.
Longer holidays...

Pig 2: Oh, I wish
it was that easy

to get a raise out of the boss.

Pig 1: Maybe it is?

Barbara LaFrum:
And there you have it.

I'm Barbara LaFrum.

Join us next week
on Twenty Minutes

as we bring another
exploiter to justice.

[dialing tone]
Pig 1: It's ringing. Hello?

Miss Barbara LaFrum?

You don't know me, but boy,

have I got a story for you!

Lady Baden-Baden: Well Melissa,
has there been any decision

on the fundraiser for the
Evergreen touring orchestra?

Melissa: We're
down to two choices.

A fishing derby or a bake sale.

Bert: No contest.
A fishing derby!

Lady Baden-Baden: Well, if I may
offer an alternate suggestion.

How about...a bachelor auction?

Bert: A what?

Lady Baden-Baden: It's
a simple concept really.

The eligible bachelors of the
forest create a dream date

and we auction them off
to the highest bidder.

Ralph/Melissa/Cedric/Schaeffer:
Great idea. Fabulous. Brilliant.

Bert: You know,
I'm starting to like

that bake sale idea.

Schaeffer: I think you're
in the minority, Bert.

Lady Baden-Baden:
Then it's settled.

We'll hold a bachelor auction.

And Cedric, you simply must
convince your father to come.

After all, he is the most
eligible bachelor in the forest.

Cedric: Well I'll give
it a sh*t, Lady Baden-Baden.

Bert: Couldn't we compromise?

Uh, how about a fishing
derby for bachelors?

Pig 3: She's late. Let's go.

Pig 1: No way. Barbara LaFrum
said she'd be here,

and we're not going anywhere

till we blow the
whistle on the boss.

Pig 2: Yeah, and by the time
she's finished embarrassing him,

heh heh, the boss will
have to give us a raise!

Pig 3: I don't know.
The boss isn't all that bad.

Pig 1: That's not what you said

when he had us slaving
in that factory.

♪ [upbeat work music]

♪♪

Pig 3: Ah! Oooh-ho-ho!

Ho-ho-ho!

Aaaaah!

Ah-ah-ah-ah!

Ho-ho-ho!

♪♪

Stop--that--bag!

Pig 2: You're right. We've taken
enough abuse from the boss!

Now we have a chance
to do something about it!

Barbara LaFrum: Well, perhaps
I can be of some help.

Hello boys, I'm Barbara LaFrum.

Tell me all about
this Cyril Sneer.

Bert: I've been thinking
about this bachelor auction.

I need to think of
a really snazzy date.

Something spectacular
and exciting.

Ugh. I'm just not
that kind of guy.

Melissa: Oh, I don't know, Bert.

[giggles] Remember that
time out on the lake?

♪♪

Monster: Rrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!

Bert: There it is!
The monster!

Aaaahhhhh!

[monster growling]

Bert: I got it! I got it!

Ohhh it's got me! It's got me!

Help me!

Melissa: Can you hear us?
Cedric: Bert!...Bert!

Bert: Yeehaa!
Ralph: Look out!

Bert: Yeehaa! Hoo hoo!
Cyril: Whoa!

Aaaaah-ha!

Bert: Wow! What a ride!

[laughs] Yeah, I suppose I do
have my moments, Melissa.

But let's face it,

not every girl likes
riding around on monsters.

Ralph: Any luck with
your dad, Cedric?

Cedric: Not yet.
But I'll keep trying.

Pig 3: No sign of
Barbara LaFrum.

Pig 1: Maybe she thought we were
exaggerating about the boss

and decided not to come.

Pig 3: Yeow!
Pig 1/Pig 2: Yeow!

Cyril: Midas? I saw
you on Twenty Minutes.

Bankrupt, eh? Ha.

I'm willing to help you out.

Pig 2: [gasps]
Milton Midas...ruined?

By Barbara LaFrum?

But he's even richer
than the boss!

Pig 1: Not any more. And
if she can do that to Midas,

imagine what she'll
do to the boss.

Ha. We'll be out of a job!

Cyril: Yes, I know
it's a family business

and I intend to
keep it that way.

Of course, you and your
family will have to go...

[door bell sounding]






Pigs?!

Pig 3: Yes boss?

Cyril: Get the door, pronto!

Pig 1: Um, we're a little
hung up at the moment, boss.

Cyril: I'll get back
to you Milton. Ciao.

I don't know what
I pay those porkers for!

Barbara LaFrum: Cyril Sneer?

Cyril: B-Barbara LaFrum?

Wh-wh-what do you want?

LaFrum: I want truth.
I want justice.

And I want fair play.

Cyril: It's just up
the
road...toodle-oo!

[loud slam]
This is it.

I'm...I'm...doomed.

Cedric: I wonder
who'll bid on me?

I hope we have
similar interests..

like uh, stamp collecting,
accounting...

maybe even sculpture.

Bert: I think I'd skip the
sculpture if I were you, Cedric.

Cedric: I happen
to think sculpture

is very exciting, Bert.

Bert: Oh yeah, it sure is.

I still get the willies thinking
about your last major project.

I've been meaning
to ask you Cedric,

uh, what's it supposed
to be anyway?

Cedric: It represents the
progress of civilization

through time and space.

I call it...Life.

Bert: So, heh heh,
that's life huh?

Cedric: Well hahaha.
It'll look a lot more like it

when it's finished.

If I ever get it finished.

This darn thing is
acting up again.

Bert: Hmm. I better go see
what's keeping Melissa.

Cedric: Okay Bert.

[loud expl*si*n]
Bert: Uaaaah!

[loud rumble]

Cedric!!!

Oh...

Cedric, can you hear me?

Cedric!

Cedric!!

Cedric!!!

Good boy, Snag. Atta boy!!

Cedric?

Melissa: Oh no!

[click]

Cedric: Yeah that was
a real 'blast'
alright!

I guess I'll stick with stamps.

Stick with stamps...get it?

Heh heh!
Bert: Ah, hahaha!

Oh, gee Cedric...
that's the funniest thing

I've heard all day. Ha.

Hey, we need at leave five more
crates of peanut butter soda.

[phone ringing]
Cedric: Coming right up, Bert!

Schaeffer: Good evening...
the Blue Spruce Cafe.

Cedric, can you take
the phone? It's your dad.

Cedric: Can you tell him
I'll call right back?

Schaeffer: Sorry
Mr. Sneer, he's tied up now,

but he'll get right back to you.

He does seem a
little tense, Cedric.

[slam]

Cyril: Grrr! Aaah!
She's still out there!

I've got to get to Cedric before
that shark of a journalist does.

Pig 3: We'll help you, boss.

Cyril: When I need help from you
three dim-witted disasters

I'll order it! Stay here,

and stay out of trouble!

♪ I caught you on
"The Late Show," ♪

♪ I was channel switching

♪ Smoking my cigar

♪ You were so bewitching

♪ You looked so familiar

♪ I'm pretty sure
I've seen you before ♪

♪♪

♪ Gee, I'd like to help out

♪ On you're latest story

♪ But I'm all tied up

♪ I'll have to say I'm sorry

♪ Maybe next season

♪ Maybe we can do
a lunch or two ♪

♪♪

♪ You know

♪ how I'd love to

♪♪

♪ You know

♪ I really want to

♪♪

♪ Hey, aren't you the lady

♪ who finished Milton Midas?

♪ Gee, I'd like to help

♪ But I've got tonsillitis

♪ And I'm just too busy

♪ To do this kind of
in-depth interview ♪

♪♪

♪ You know

♪ how I'd love to

♪♪

♪ You know

♪ I really want to

♪♪

♪ Don't you ever give up?

♪ Won't you ever, ever,

♪ ever give up on me?

♪♪

♪ Don't you ever give up?

♪ Won't you ever, ever,

♪ ever give up on me?

♪♪

Cyril: Oww!

[tires squeal]

Auh! Uhm! Oh!

Pig 2: The boss can't shake
Barbara LaFrum for long.

She's relentless!

Pig 1: Then it's up to us
to throw her off the trail.

Our jobs are on the line!

Schaeffer: Hmmm that's strange.

I'm not expecting
any deliveries.

Just put it in the storeroom.

Cedric: This way, guys.

Schaeffer: I'll
figure it out later.

[slam]
Cyril: Ouch.

Cedric: Pop.

Cyril: Somebody
get me out of here.

Cedric: Ugh!

Pop, you decided to come
to the auction after all!

Cyril: Forget it, son.
There's a snake out to get me!

A snake by the name
of Barbara LaFrum.

Cedric: Wow! You're going
to be on Twenty Minutes?!

Cyril: Look son, if
Barbara LaFrum turns up,

you never saw me, in fact,

you never heard of me!

Capeesh?

Cedric: Um...whatever
you say, Pop.

Do you want me to nail
the lid on or anything?

Barbara LaFrum: Good evening,
this is Barbara LaFrum,

reporting from the home
of the notorious tycoon

and wheeler dealer, Cyril Sneer.

Pig 1: If we can convince
Barbara the boss is a good guy,

she'll drop the story.

Now smile...it's show time!

Barbara LaFrum: Here we have
three of mister Sneer's

downtrodden employees.

Boys, just how bad
is Cyril Sneer?

Pig 1: Cyril? Oh heck, he is

the sweetest guy in the world.

Pig 2: Oh yes.

Pig 3: And we never have
to ask for a raise.

Pig 2: The boss told us to
give you a guided m*ssile..

er...tour. Walk this way.

Pig 1: The boss makes sure we
get our cake and eat it too.

Oopss. Back off, Bruno!

Uh, nice bear!

Pig 2: We must remind the
boss to fix that squeak.

Pig 1: Oink!

Pig 3: Oh yess..we
work out almost daily.

Pig 1: Right here in our own
personal private health spa.

Ouch.

He even forced this elegant,

luxurious suite on us.

Pig 2: We tried to stop him.

Pig 3: Oh, what a guy.

Barbara LaFrum: Hmm..
well I don't know

how I could have been so wrong

about Mr. Sneer. Good day.

Pig 1: She bought it!
Pigs: [cheering]

Barbara LaFrum: Just
one more thing, boys.

I really feel bad
about this whole affair.

I wish I could apologize
to Mr. Sneer.

You don't know where I
might find him, do you?

Pig 3: He's at the
Blue Spruce Ca--fe.

Barbara LaFrum: The Blue
Spruce Cafe, you say?

Well, thank you boys,
you've been most helpful.

Let's go get the real story
from Cyril Sneer himself!

Lady Baden-Baden: Welcome to our
very special fundraising event

for the Evergreen
touring orchestra.

This evening, we'll
be auctioning off

that rarest of all commodities.

The eligible bachelor.

Haha.

Cedric: Pop it's me.
The coast is clear.

Why don't you come out and
take part in our auction?

Cyril: Not until that slug
Barbara LaFrum

crawls back under her rock.

Cedric: Okay, Pop. There's a
sandwich in case you get hungry.

Ralph: Now without further ado,

a classically engaging fellow,

Mr. Cedric Sneer.
[applause]

Cedric: Ahem...my date, uh,
will be treated to, uh.

Ralph: I see $50 from
Sophia Tutu already.

Do I hear $60? $55, $55

$55, $55...
Bert: Sheesh!

Cedric's gonna be
a hard act to follow!

Pig 2: Oh!

Oooh. That short
cut was a k*ller, Lloyd.

Pig 1: Yeah, but at
least we b*at Barbara.

Pigs: Yeah.

Ralph: Going once. For the
chance of a lifetime.

Ralph: Scuba diving
followed by hot chocolate..

going twice..

Sold! To Sophia Tutu.

Crowd: [cheering, applause]

Ralph: And now, ladies for your
consideration, Schaeffer!

Bon vivant, raconteur,

and general all round nice guy.

Tell us about your date?

Schaeffer: Um..we're going to
start with a gourmet

cooking lesson...which
we'll...um...eat.

Ralph: Do I hear an
opening bid, ladies?

Pig 1: I don't see
the boss anywhere.

Pigs: Huh?

Pig 2: It's Barbara, what's her
name. Quick, take cover, guys.

Pig 1: I don't think she saw us.

If the boss finds out we set
him up for that barracuda,

he'll throw us to the sharks!

Pigs: B..b..b..b..b..b.b.b.b.

Cyril: Boss!! You miserable
pig slops, I outta...

Barbara LaFrum: You ought
to what, Mr. Sneer?

Cyril: Heh heh. I...um.

I ought to give these...um fine
young fellows...um..a raise.

Yes..that's it...a raise!

Pig 3: Oh golly, gosh no boss.

Cyril: You'll take it
and you'll like it!

Barbara LaFrum: I have a few
questions for you, Mr. Sneer.

Ralph: Come on ladies.

Let's get those
donations up here.

It's all for a good cause..
and now, heh

Bert Raccoon!

[applause]
Bert: Thank you..thank you.

Ralph: Let me tell you
a little about him..

Bert's a very thoughtful guy.

Broo: [barking]

Bert: Broo!

He can't swim!

Ralph: He's always there
to help his friends

through difficult situations.

[water fall rumbling]

♪♪

[loud rumble]

♪♪
[water fall rumbling]

Broo: Ruff! ruff!

♪♪

Ralph: Whenever Bert gets
the opportunity to travel,

you don't have to ask him twice.
He'll leap at the chance.

Bert: Woahaaaaa.

Schaeffer: I've got you, Bert.

Bert: Uh-oh-oooh!
[loud rumble]

Ralph: Of course, Bert has his
quiet, reflective side too..

[crunch-crunch]

Bert: Uh, thanks for that
introduction, Ralph.

Ahm-ahm, exquisite is
the word for my date.

A ten mile hike to the
summit of Frean's Peak,

with a picnic feast.

Peanut butter sandwiches,
peanut butter soda,

peanut butter fudge brownies,
peanut butter--

Ralph: I think we've
got the idea, Bert.

What am I bid for this uh,
peanut butter extravaganza?

How about we start
with a dollar?

Fifty cents?

Cyril: ...absolute nonsense.

Barbara LaFrum: Uh huh..
and what about the time

you spent in jail? Cyril: Jail?!

Barbara LaFrum:
Yes, jail, Mr. Sneer.

♪♪

Do you deny breaking through
the security system

of the Knox mansion?

Cyril: Of course I do!

I was just...I was lost.

You know how mansions
are.. heh heh.

They all look the same.

♪♪

Barbara LaFrum: Weren't you
caught, red-handed with the gem?

Cyril: Let me think.

Um-um.. gem?

[alarm sounding]






Ummmmm gem..

gem.. gem.. ummm. He-he.

[alarm sounding]

[loud foot steps]

Cyril: Oh no..!

Barbara LaFrum:
Come now, Mr. Sneer,

you can't deny everything.

Cyril: I'm innocent I tell you!

Innocent!! The pigs
put me up to it!

It's all their fault!

I'm innocent!
Innocent I tell you!

It was all a misunderstanding..

when I stole the gem..no..
I didn't steal it..

exactly..um..well, I..
let me put it this way.

Ciao!!

Bert: A buck fifty.
I raised a buck fifty.

Ralph: And it was very nice of
you to lend her the money, Bert.

Bert: A buck fifty.
[applause]

I paid more for my pet lizard.

Ralph: We're way
below our goal, folks.

Is there not another
bachelor in the house?

Cyril: Back off, Barbara,
I'm warning you..

I'm dangerous when cornered.

Barbara: I have one more
question, Mr. Sneer.

Cyril: Aaarrggh.
[crush, bam]

Ralph: What?! Cyril?

Cyril!! Ladies, our final
bachelor up for auction is

Cyril Sneer!

Cyril: Now wait one
cotton picking minute!

I don't have..
Pig 1: Boss, play along!

This is your chance
to save yourself,

and look good for Barbara.

Cyril: Alright Raccoon,
let's get on with it!

Ralph: What a sport!

Okay Cyril, what is your
idea of a dream date.

Cyril: An evening in my vault?

Barbara LaFrum: A dollar.
Cyril: What?!

Pig 1: We've got to put
him out of her price range.

Cyril: I'll throw
in a string of pearls!

Crowd: [gasps]
Ralph: $20


Barbara LaFrum: $50

Pig 1: He'll throw in ..a ..

A world cruise..uh..down south.
Crowd: [gasps]

Ralph: $2 0000

Two and a half..three!
Four! Five! Ten?

Ten thousand dollars?

Cyril: Oh, bless you!

Melissa: We did it,
Lady Baden-Baden,

we're over the top!

Ralph: $10 000..
going once.. Going twice..

Narrator: And so the auction
was a smashing success,

thanks to Cyril Sneer.

And best of all, the dates
turned out to be great fun

for everyone..well..
almost everyone.

[loud knocking]

Cyril: Leave me alone!

Barbara LaFrum: Cyril, I paid
ten thousand and one dollars

for this date and I'm
going to get your story

whether you like it or not.

You can't stay in there for the
rest of the week, now can you?

Cyril: You're right
there, Barbara.

Barbara LaFrum: Cyril,
I know you're in there.

Cyril: So long,
LaFrum. Bon voyage.

Pig 1: Aloha.

Well, where to, boss?

Cyril: I paid
for a world cruise,

and I'm going to get it.

Start rowing!

[laughing]

♪♪

♪

♪ [show

♪ [show theme

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

♪ When darkness falls

♪♪

♪ Leaving shadows in the night

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ Wipe that fear from
your eyes ♪

♪♪

♪ The desperate love

♪♪

♪ Keeps on driving you wrong

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ You're not alone

♪♪

♪ You can run with us

♪♪

♪ We've got everything
you need ♪

♪ Run with us

♪♪

♪ We are free

♪♪

♪ Come with us

♪♪

♪ I see passion in your eyes

♪ Run with us

♪♪