01x14 - Better Together

[bunniefuu]

- [whistles] - Let's go, everybody!

Picture time!

[upbeat music]

- ♪ In the Loud house ♪ - Come on!

- ♪ Really Loud house ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Really Loud house ♪

- This is Lincoln Loud and Clyde McBride

on beta test

for the Infinite Spitball Super Cyclone .

Gather your wits and prepare for spit.

Three, two, one.

[machine whirring]

[splat]

- Yeah! - Oh, yeah!

[hissing]

[dramatic music]

Oh, no!

What's going on? - Aah!

- Too much spit! - OK.

Way too much spit! - Too much spit!

Take cover!

- Save yourself!

[both groaning]

- OK, head cams off.

- OK.

Propulsion strong.

Moisture to launch ratio steady.

Speed is good. Adhesion excellent.

Accuracy--

- Terrible.

Terrible, terrible, terrible.

[splat]

- There's an old jet ski at the dump.

I say we head down there and grab ourselves a hydro pump.

- Yeah.

[car horn honking]

That's my dads.

- The spitball w*r is Friday!

This is gonna be the biggest one yet!

- I'm sorry. I've got to study.

We've got that test tomorrow.

But we'll go to the dump right after school and finish it.

- Bet.

both: As balls of spit fly fast and sure,

Clincoln McCloud will always endure.

[car horn honking]

- That's my final warning.

I'm coming!

- Clyde's dads are obsessed

with getting him into the BETR program.

BETR stands for...

bright, exceptional,

talented, and remarkable.

It's almost impossible to get in,

but don't tell Howard and Harold that.

- Harold, you overdressed the salad.

- Uh, you took a rather

supercilious tone with me there.

- I think I was being more condescending.

- I'd say contemptuous.

- Egotistical. - Haughty.

- What do you think, Clyde?

- Those are all synonyms. They mean the exact same thing.

- Ah, you're right. I suppose they do.

Oh, your grandma's coming into town.

Her flight lands at :, and the airport is miles away.

- If we average miles per hour

all the way to the airport, I wonder,

what time would we have to leave

to get there minutes before her flight lands?

- :.

- "Go to sleep, mountains. Go to sleep, trees.

Go to sleep, everyone, if you please."

I wonder who the protagonist is in that story.

- One might argue it could be the reader.

By the way, we forgot to pick up Grandma from the airport.

She's been there for days, hours, and minutes.

- [coughing]

- Aw. Hey, ladybug, you still not feeling well?

- No.

- You want Daddy to rub your head?

- I want to watch "Johnny Rabbit."

- You do? All right!

"Johnny Rabbit" sounds cool. Here we go. Boom!

- ♪ Little baby bunny does a hoppy hippy hop ♪

- I like this!

- Again! Again! - Okey dokey.

- ♪ The little baby bunny goes bop, bop, bop ♪

- Again! Again!

- Well, honey, we've watched it about times,

so maybe we should take a break.

- Again! Again!

- OK, but this is the last time, all right?

- OK. - OK.

- ♪ Little baby bunny does a hoppy hippy hop ♪

♪ Little baby bunny goes floppy flippy flop ♪

[tranquil music]

♪ ♪

- Whew.

- ♪ Little baby bunny does a hoppy hippy hop ♪

- Rough night with Lily?

- Rough night with that bunny song!

I can't get it out of my head. Doesn't it drive you crazy?

- Oh, I don't let her play that song.

- Oh, we're allowed to say no?

I didn't know that was an option.

- Hey, Mom. Can I borrow--

- No. See how easy that is?

- Hey, Dad, can I borrow--

- Sure, honey. Here's my wallet.

- Oh! [giggles]

- ♪ Little baby bunny does a run and a jump ♪

♪ The little baby bunny goes bop, bop, bop ♪

- There's nothing in this straw,

but there will be on Friday.

- Well, check out Clyde's rendering

of the Infinite Spitball Super Cyclone .

- We're gonna go find one more part

at the dump later today.

- Well, Liam here has been collecting donkey saliva

for the past three weeks.

- Yeah, and when I heard there was a spitball w*r,

I thought, even better!

- Get in here, you delinquents!

I got a -foot party sub,

and I want to knock out the first yard.

- Improve is to ameliorate

as haughty is to... A, supercilious.

How do I know all this stuff?

- If you double the speed of the projectile

by doubling the thrust of the impeller,

we could sh**t a spitball or yards!

- Best part of a silent fart?

Watching it creep across the room.

minutes, people!

- Oh, sh**t! OK, question number one.

- ♪ I'm gonna run to you ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm gonna run to you ♪

[turns off radio]

- ♪ Hoppy hippy hop ♪

♪ Little baby bunny goes floppy flippy flop ♪

[turns on radio] - ♪ I'm gonna run to you ♪

♪ Yeah ♪ [turns off radio]

- ♪ Little baby bunny goes hoppy hippy hop ♪

♪ Little baby bunny goes... ♪

- That test was hard. - How'd you guys do?

- I did pretty good on one through ten,

but I didn't have enough time to get to through .

- Where'd the drawing of the cyclone go?

It must have dropped out of my folder.

- Wait! What if a teacher finds it?

- Will Clyde McBride

please report to the principal's office?

all: Ooh!

- Ooh!

[dramatic music]

- Young man, you have got some explaining to do.

- You can start by explaining why...

you are so fabulous!

- Congratulations!

You made it into the BETR program!

- Really?

[laughter]

- Whee!

- Apparently, I got the second highest score

in the whole school. - That's amazing!

And what a relief

no one found our blueprints for the cyclone.

I drew up some new ones.

Let's go work on them in the cafeteria.

- Well, actually, I got a welcome lunch

for the BETR program.

I guess the mayor wants to meet me.

- Yeah, OK.

I guess we'll meet in science class.

- I'm going to different classes now.

- You don't have science class?

- I do, but it's called applied molecular dynamics.

- Yeah, after your applied molecular thing,

let's meet at the dump.

- Sweet. See ya. - Yeah.

[whistle blows]

- And that is why I'm offering one week without chores

to whoever can knock this song out of my head!

[thud]

- What? I'm trying to knock the song out of your head.

- ♪ Little baby bunny... ♪ - It didn't work.

But that's the kind of stuff I'm looking for.

Any other ideas? [thud]

Ah! Something that doesn't involve balls?

I mean, how many of those balls do we own?

- Nice of you to finally make it.

I guess the BETR program hasn't covered

what the big hand does on the clock.

I've been waiting for you for two hours.

- Sorry.

We took a virtual field trip to the pyramids of Giza.

- Oh! Oh, was that nice?

Oh, was everything super realistic?

Because the angry doberman who shredded my jeans

was very real.

While you were all gallivanting around King Tut's tomb,

I was sitting on top of a totaled Subaru

trying to outsmart a bloodthirsty dog.

- Well, actually, King Tut's tomb was located

in a completely different loca--

- I don't care, Clyde!

If we have any sh*t of winning this thing on Friday,

we need to get you out of this dumb program

so we can work on the cyclone.

- Well, I was actually thinking,

if you retook the test, you can get into this program.

You're just as smart as me.

If you actually tried this time, you'd crush that test!

- You're right.

- Feeling pretty confident, huh, Loud?

- When you know, you know.

- You know your shoe's untied?

Made you look.

- Enjoy your zucchini loaf in the cafeteria today,

because I will be dining on some "fill-et mig-non"

with the betters.

- Will Lincoln Loud

please report to the principal's office?

Lincoln Loud to the principal's office.

- That's the call!

It's been real. It's been fun.

But it hasn't been real fun.

As the French say,

hasta luego!

- I didn't know Lincoln spoke French.

- Save your speeches, people.

Blazer me.

I'm a long.

- Due to your test scores--

- OK, you want to do the speech?

- What we've decided is best for you to do is...

- Dad, you may want to film this.

- Drop you down a grade

until you can meet the standard requirements.

Sorry, those were left over from Clyde's celebration.

- ♪ The little baby bunny goes bop, bop, bop ♪

- When the decimal point moves to the left,

the number gets... all: Smaller!

- And when the decimal point moves to the right,

the number gets-- all: Bigger!

- Speaking of bigger, why are you here?

- It's none of your business. [laughter]

- I heard he got held back.

- I didn't get held back. I just messed up a test.

- Which is why you got held back.

- OK, Stacy and Macy, let's give Lincoln a chance.

Lincoln?

- Uh, smaller?

- It's actually bigger, just like this weirdo.

[school bell rings] - All right, time for recess.

Everybody, line up at the door.

- Your shoe's untied.

- Oh.

- Made you look!

[laughter]

- How would we water our plant with no gravity?

McBride?

- What if we used a syringe

to inject water directly into the plant pillows?

- Yes, that's exactly what we do up here in space.

I tell you what,

I'm going to save you a seat on the next shuttle.

All right, Betters, I'll see you in days.

- OK.

Charcuterie break in the Better Bistro.

- I'm so hungry, I can eat the wax off a triple-cream brie.

- Sounds gouda to me. [laughter]

- [chuckles] Classic McBride.

[whistle blows]

- OK, we're taking this up a notch.

I am offering cold, hard cash.

I was saving up to buy your mother

a pair of diamond earrings, but that idea went

"hop, hop, hop" about an hour ago.

So I have one question for you.

Who wants that cash?

- Me! - Me, me, me!

[overlapping chatter]

- Game on, ladies.

- OK, everybody knows

the best way to get a song out of your head

is to replace it with a more catchy, less annoying song.

[Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun"]

- ♪ I come home in the morning light ♪

♪ My mother says, "When you gonna live your life right?" ♪

- ♪ Little baby bunny goes floppy flippy flop ♪

- It's so simple, Dad. Just do what I do.

Make your mind a complete blank.

Nothing in, nothing out.

Hoo. [giggles]

- Hoo.

- ♪ Little baby bunny does a run and a jump ♪

♪ The little baby bunny goes bop, bop, bop ♪

- And I said, "Shake 'n Bake."

[laughter]

- ♪ Little baby bunny does a hoppy hippy hop ♪

♪ Little baby bunny goes floppy flippy flop ♪

[whistle blows]

- Ha! - Aah!

Oof! [groans]

- You're welcome.

- ♪ Little baby bunny does a run and a jump ♪

♪ The little baby bunny goes bop, bop, bop ♪

- Oh, spirits of the underworld,

cleanse our loving father of this cursed song.

- [distorted] ♪ Hoppy hippy hop ♪

- It's working!

Ha, it's working!

- Yes! - ♪ Floppy flippy flop ♪

- It's not working! It's not working!

- My demons are no match for this little baby bunny?

- Hey, can I have the regular song back, please?

Oh! Oh, please?

[screaming]

- Single file, everybody.

Now remember, when we get to the play yard,

what's the rule?

all: No eating gum off the slide.

- [scoffs] I haven't done that in years.

- Clear the way! The Betters are coming through!

- ♪ You know, the most rebellious thing ♪

♪ You can do is get educated ♪

♪ Forget what they told you in school, get educated ♪

- Clyde?

- What are you doing?

- He got held back?

- You get one more, Stacy.

I choked on the test.

I'll explain later, but we got to figure out our battle plan.

- This is why we don't make eye contact.

And don't give them any money.

They'll just use it to buy candy.

- Clyde!

- I'm sorry, Lincoln. I got to go.

- Good gravy. - What does it say?

- "Low battery."

Open wide.

You didn't eat the gum off the slide, did you?

- No, I've had a rough couple of days.

I think I just need to lay down for a while.

- Well, suit yourself.

I got about seven feet left on this bad boy.

I'm gonna see if I can unhinge my jaw.

- Yeah, have it on my desk by tomorrow.

Sell all my stocks in the stock market to the stock people.

Suzie, have my stretch limousine ready

and gassed up for lunch.

And make sure it's the one with the hot tub.

And put my dolphin in it.

Oh, if you wouldn't mind changing the air freshener?

- No problem, sir.

Clyde? - It's not Sir Clyde yet.

I won't be formally knighted by the king until next summer.

- Clyde, it's me, Lincoln.

Lincoln Loud?

The man with the plan?

We were best friends.

We did everything together.

We fought a robot, spent a day with Rip Hardcore,

took down a dairy-based crime kingpin.

We spent our entire childhoods together...

until you joined the BETR program.

- I'm sorry, London.

- Lincoln! - Whatever.

I just don't remember any of that, or you.

Suzie, could you please fire the janitor...

after he takes out the trash, of course.

Have a great day.

- Clyde! Clyde!

Clyde!

- Clyde, you got to get out of the BETR program.

I saw the future, and you're gonna forget who I am.

You're gonna own a company

and a limousine with a hot tub and a dolphin,

which sounds cool,

but what's the point of riding in a limousine with dolphins

if you're not doing it with your best friend?

Now, we got a spitball w*r to win.

Sorry, fellas.

Come on, Clyde. Let's rock!

Whoo-hoo!

Let's rock.

- I don't know who you are, but I assure you,

Clyde will not be interested in participating

in something as fatuous as a spitball w*r.

- It's not fatuous. There's nothing fatuous about it.

In fact, it's the complete opposite of fatuous.

[whispers] What's "fatuous" mean?

- It means silly and pointless...

Which, to be honest, it kinda is.

I'm sorry, Lincoln.

I got a lot of work to do. - Fine.

I think this whole conversation has been fatuous.

In fact, I think you're all fatuous.

I'll go win that spitball w*r by myself.

Enjoy your dumb dolphin limo!

This tiny pickle is delicious!

[melancholic music]

♪ ♪

[splat]

- Ooh! - Ooh!

That there's donkey spit.

- Game on, Loud!

Bombs away!

- [laughs]

[screaming]

[splat] - Gross! Gross!

- After Mark Antony witnessed

the slaying of his best friend, Julius Caesar,

what famous words did he proclaim

before the Battle of Philippi?

McBride!

What were the famous words?

- As balls of spit fly fast and sure,

Clincoln McCloud will always endure!

- Who said that?

- My best friend,

who happens to be the smartest guy I know.

And he's out there getting his butt kicked...

but not for long.

By the way, the answer is,

"Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of w*r."

- Classic McBride.

- Aah!

- Oh! Ooh! Oh, no!

Ow! Oh!

[donkey braying]

- Ah!

Yes, sir! [donkey braying]

[splat] Oh!

- Yes!

- Clincoln McCloud...

both: Will always endure!

[machines power up]

[epic music]

♪ ♪

- Whoo!

- Yeah! Yeah!

- Aah!

- Ah! - Whoo!

- Yeah! Yes!

- [grunts] - Yes!

- [grunts]

[splat]

- Yes!

[splat]

[suspenseful music]

- And then there were four.

- You boys are going down.

- Let's get out of here!

[laughter]

- You boys are in a heap of trouble.

[machines power down]

- Bolhofner was right. We're in a lot of trouble.

- No, Clyde, I'm in a lot of trouble.

Your future's way too bright.

I'm gonna take the heat on this one.

- They'll bust you down to kindergarten!

- Look on the bright side:

maybe I'll finally get picked first in gym.

[footsteps approaching]

- [sighs]

Which one of you is responsible

for this contraption?

- That'd be me, ma'am.

- Actually, that'd be the both of us.

- Well, then let me say this.

You're geniuses. [laughter]

This machine is a marvel of modern engineering.

If Da Vinci wanted to fling spitballs,

this is how he'd do it.

I mean, did you repurpose a jet ski pump?

- You bet we did.

- I'm starting up a new program

for brilliant engineers, scientists, and technicians,

AKA BEST,

and I'd like you two to spearhead it.

- Sir, with all due respect,

we didn't design the Cyclone to be recognized

or to be put on a pedestal.

- We designed it to cover people in spit.

- That's disgusting but admirable.

- There's nothing I can say that'll change your mind?

- No, sir, the only BEST program I want to be a part of

is this friendship right here.

- Classic McBride.

- If we did join, would we have access to those tiny pickles?

Oh!

- ♪ Little baby bunny goes floppy flippy flop ♪

♪ Little baby bunny does a hop and a jump ♪

♪ The little baby bunny-- ♪

- [gasps]

[gasps] Oh!

Oh, little baby bunny,

please, please, please make it stop?

- It's over.

I'm not in your head anymore, see?

- [gasps]

Oh, thank you, little baby bunny.

Thank you so much!

I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you.

Ah.

- I'm getting those earrings.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪