900x07 - The Mike Judge Collection 107

[bunniefuu]

[laughing]

♪♪

[Beavis] I'm hungry.

I wish they had something big like nachos.

Yeah [laughing].

We need something with a lot of ingredients.

Like sour cream and salsa pork rinds.

Sour cream and salsa pork rinds, where, where?

Right there, dude, bottom row, F.

Oh, yeah, pork.

[laughing]

[coins clinking]

F.

Here comes my--

Come to Butt-Head.

Yeah.

Uh... wait a minute.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

No!

This sucks.

[Beavis] Hurry up, Butt-Head, I'm really hungry.

[grunting]

I'm like starving.

It's like a trap door that won't let me get it.

[loud groaning]

Give me the pork rinds now!

I'll kick your ass!

Ahh!

Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh!

That sucks.

This glass must be like plastic or something.

Uh... the vending machine stole our money.

Yeah, and didn't give us our food.

Well, there's nothing I can do to help you.

Gotta write to the company that owns the machine.

There's an address on the side.

[bell dinging]

Hey, Beavis, I just thought of something.

Whoever buys the next pork rinds

is gonna get our bag, plus another one.

[laughing]

Cool, yeah, let's wait till they come

and then kick their ass, yeah, yeah.

No, dumbass, I mean like if we get another cents

we could like two for the price of one.

Two for the price of one?

That would be cool.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna go get like get cents.

Don't leave here until I get back.

And make sure nobody like buys anything.

Cool.

You mean like gas too?

No, fartknocker, I mean the vending machine.

Oh, yeah, yeah, vending machine, yeah.

[laughing]

Yeah.

Ah-ya!

Hey, how's it going?

[woman] Hi.

Going to the bathroom, huh?

[laughing]

Uh... I need like cents

'cause my friend's like, uh, starving and stuff.

[laughing]

Oh, really?

Well, where is your friend?

Uh...

Uh, he's like overseas or something.

Oh, I've seen those commercials.

Yeah,me too.

[laughing]

It's so sad.

Here you go.

Uh... no.

I said I need cents, buttmunch.

That's okay, I don't mind giving a little more.

Uh, okay.

Yes?

Uh, I thought you said you were gonna give me some more?

[laughing]

Yeah, yeah, plop.

[coins clinking]

Where's that dime?

No way, asswipe!

Ahh!

Damn it, boy, what in the hell's your problem?

Um, sorry about that.

It's like out of order.

Yeah.

And, um, I'd hate to see you waste your money and stuff.

Well, all right, then.

They ought to put a sign up there.

Now what about getting my money back?

Um, you have to write to the company.

The address is on the side.

Thank you, drive through.

Uh... I need like change or something?

Well, you gotta buy something.

Whoa.

Nachos.

How much?

All I got is some stuff left over from last night.

I was gonna throw 'em out but

name your price.

Uh... ten cents?

Okay, you got a deal.

Cool.

Uh, give me like a dozen.

[laughing]

Butt-Head, where are you?

Come on, I'm hungry!

I'm like gonna die.

Of starvation and stuff.

That might be cool.

[laughing]

M & M...

M & M.

Yeah.

[laughing]

Mmm, yeah.

[man speaking on T.V] Like an old friend, always there.

Hey, aren't you forgetting something?

Sour cream and salsa pork rinds!

[laughing]

These nachos rule.

[laughing]

Butt-Head!

♪♪

[horns honking]

[buzzing]

Hey, Butt-Head, aren't we supposed to like do something?

Uh... I think we're supposed to like

turn something up or something?

Yeah.

Loud, loud!

[radio announcer] Answer today's trivia teaser

and win a chance to guest DJ on Rabid Ron in the Morning.

Okay, everybody, here goes.

What history making English pop group

was known as the Fab Four?

That question sucks.

Yeah.

Math is my worst subject.

[laughing]

Hey, Beavis, call anyway.

Yeah, cool.

[radio announcer] Hey, guess nobody knows the answer

so the guest DJ slot goes to the next caller.

Hey, Butt-Head, it's ringing, it's ringing!

[phone ringing]

Cool.

[radio announcer] Here is he.

Hey, there, Mr. Guest DJ,

what have you got to say for yourself?

[laughing]

[Beavis] Check out my butt!

[radio announcer ] Now, dudes, a lot of guys get nervous when they go on the air,

but let me give you a tip.

Pretend you're talking to one person.

Um... can it be like a chick?

Sure.

Hey, baby.

Wanna like get me on?

[laughing]

Me too.

Hey, headbangers, this is Rabid Ron bringing you

the tri-county area's hardest and hottest metal.

Helping out today are our guest DJ winners Beavis and Butt-Head.

How you doing, dudes?

Uh... no.

[laughing]

[Rabid Ron] How about you, Beavis?

[laughing]

Check out my butt!

Okay-- Let's give Beavis and Butt-Head

time to calm down a little and play something

from the new group, Viking Funeral.

What do you say, Butt-Head?

Uh, they suck.

[music playing]

Hey, guys, I used to do subversive radio myself

in the 's, okay?

But for this gig,

we need a little more positivity, all right?

Butt-Head, what's he saying?

Uh...

I think he said we can't say stuff sucks anymore.

[laughing]

Yeah, we can, stuff sucks.

It sucks, it sucks, it sucks!

That was cool.

Hey, fellas, if you play ball,

there's a $ gift certificate in it for you from the Sound Silo.

Courtesy Rabid Ron in the Morning.

♪♪

[Rabid Ron] Hey, that was the latest from Viking Funeral.

[Butt-Head] Uh, they don't suck, Rabid Ron.

[Beavis] Yeah, they used to.

[laughing]

They don't, you said we can't say that anymore.

[Rabid Ron] So how's it feel to be on the radio, boys?

Pretty cool, huh?

[Butt-Head] Uh, it doesn't suck.

[Beavis] Hey, Rabid Ron, like how old are you?

You look like really old like more

old than you sound or something?

[laughing]

Yeah.

You look like an old fart.

By the way, boys, I got some last night, how 'bout you, huh?

I didn't think so.

[Beavis] You look like really old.

[laughing]

Hey, if you guys keep screwing around,

I'm gonna be one pissed-off radio personality.

So try to take this a little more seriously, okay?

Hey, we're back with our guest DJs Beavis and Butt-Head.

So dudes, how 'bout some music that kicks ass?

Cool.

You said ass.

Kick ass, yeah.

You wouldn't expect anything less

from the tri-county region's ass-kickingest radio station.

[laughing]

Ass.

[laughing]

But before we get to the ass-kicking, Butt-Head,

why don't you tell the folks

about our next head-banging contest.

[laughing]

[Butt-Head] Uh, okay.

Uh...

The teeth cooler...

Tenth caller.

Uh... gets a free tattoo on his butt.

[laughing]

Yeah.

A great joke, Butt-Head.

Of course, he means tickets to tonight's Bon Jovi concert.

I'm afraid that's all the time we have

for Beavis and Butt-Head, but keep listening

because somebody always wins.

You guys get the hell out of here and never come back!

[laughing]

You're old.

And you suck-suck-suck-suck-suck-suck!

Suck-suck-suck, suck-suck!

Out!

Hey, what about our $ gift certificates, butthole?

Out!

No, I'm sorry, sir,

we're not offering the butt tattoo promotion.

No, I'm sorry, sir,

we're not offering the butt tattoo promotion.

Radio's not that cool.

Yeah.

[laughing]

For a guy who's supposed to like have rabies,

Rabid Ron's a wuss.

I'm glad you enjoy them, sir, but, no,

I'm afraid they are not real radio personalities.

[horns honking]

[buzzing]

Hey, Butt-Head, time to play the radio.

[laughing]

Oh, yeah.

[Rabid Ron] Coming up on the tri-county area's

like number one radio station,

uh, ten in a row with songs that don't suck... and stuff.

Cool.

[laughing]

This used to be a cool station until they put these dorks on.

Yeah, they suck.

Suck-suck-suck-suck-suck!

Suck-suck-suck!

♪♪

[birds chirping]

Hey, Butt-Head, how come we're going to Stewart's house?

[laughing]

'Cause I've heard he's got diarrhea.

Oh, yeah.

[doorbell ringing]

Thank you boys for bringing Stewart's

homework to school for him.

He's so sick.

He spent all night in the bathroom.

Really?

Diarrhea?

Yes, I'm afraid so.

[laughing]

Yeah.

[farting noises]

Now boys, come on.

Say, have you boys eaten breakfast?

Uh...

Um, I think I did once.

Well, you can't go to school on an empty stomach.

Here, I made some breakfast burritos for Stewart,

but he's not feeling well enough to eat.

Whoa, burritos for breakfast.

Yeah, yeah, cool.

[laughing]

You boys eat up.

I'm going to check on Stewart.

He probably needs more TP.

Hey, Beavis, you think she's gonna put

a thermometer up his butt?

Yeah-- and then she's gonna put it in his mouth.

Yeah.

[laughing]

Ooh!Ach!

What the hell is this crap?

This isn't a burrito.

Yeah, I got eggs in mine.

She tricked us.

No wonder Stewart's got diarrhea.

Let's see what else they have.

[laughing]

Yeah.

This sucks.

There's nothing good in here.

Hey, buttmunch, give me some.

Settle down, Beavis.

Pretty Cool.

[Beavis having a sugar fit]

It's ironic that we in this country who cherish freedom

occasionally support governments

who are less responsive to human rights.

We're very fortunate to have had a very stable government...

What's your problem, Beavis?

Settle down.

The struggle for freedom is by no means over.

It still goes on today in places like Nicaragua,

[Beavis] Nicaragua!

My bunghole, bunghole.

[laughing]

Beavis, please sit down.

Are you threatening me?

I am Cornholio!

Come on, Beavis, take your seat.

Now technically America is not a democracy but a republic...

TP for my bunghole?

Get out of here, Beavis.

Oh, okay.

...In other parts of the world, they aren't so lucky.

[Beavis] TP for my bunghole, bunghole.

Uh, Beavis, where are you going?

Where did Beavis go?

[laughing]

That was cool.

[laughing]

[laughing]

I am Cornholio!

I need TP for my bunghole.

Yeah.

Hey!

Would you like to see my bunghole?

Butt-Head, where did Beavis go?

Uh, I don't know.

Is Beavis having some kind of a problem

that I should know about?

Uh, he ate like candy bars

and then he like drank a six-pack of root beer.

[laughing]

Um, that's strange.

I just read about a study that said sugar

isn't supposed to cause hyperactivity.

[laughing]

Ahh!

Yeah, that'll be really cool, yeah.

I am Cornholio!

Whoa, that was cool.

I need TP for my bunghole!

Come out with your pants down!

[laughing]

Oh yeah.

Never mind.

[speaking spanish]

I am Cornholio!

I need TP for my Bunghole.

Senor Beavis, donde esta hall tu pass?

Are you threatening me?

You will give me TP, Bungholio!

Beavis, just what in the hell do you think you're doing?

Do not make my bunghole angry.

Do you have any holio!

Get the hell out of my class

and go straight to the principal's office now!

Umm ok.

The principal, he will give me TP.

I would hate for my bungholio to get polio.

[sighing]

[speaking to himself in Spanish]

Where I come from, we have no bunghole.

Uh, look, I don't know what your problem is,

but I simply cannot have students

wandering the hallways during class

interrupting other classes

and giving prophecies of a great plague.

Oh, yeah.

[laughing]

Sorry about that.

[laughing]

Wait, what was that?

Did you just say you're sorry?

Um... [laughing]

[Principal McVicker] You did.

You said you were sorry, didn't you?

Uh... yeah.

Yeah, see, I knew it.

You kids have never apologized to me once.

Maybe this is a new day for you.

Maybe punishment isn't the answer.

I'm gonna let you go.

You know, I'm actually proud of you today.

Take some candy with you.

[laughing]

Yeah.

Now you're going right back to class, right, Beavis?

No, no, I must TP for my bunghole!

I'm the great Cornholio!

Do you need a hall pass?

Are you threatening me?

Yeah.

I no need hall pass.

I heed holio for my bunghole!

I am the great Cornholio!

I have no bunghole!

Bungholio!

I need TP for my bunghole.

We are without bungholes!

[music swelling]

♪♪

All right, what's the square root of nine?

Beavis and Butt-Head, do you know the answer?!

[laughing]

Uh...

Could you like repeat the question a few times.

The square root of the number nine!

Answer, pronto!

Um... ?

Uh... ?

Yeah, um, L-M-N-O-P?

[laughing]

I agree with him, boys.

Your difficulties in math as well as every other class,

make it clear that you just don't belong in the ninth grade.

I'm calling the principal of Wilson Elementary School

to arrange for you both to go back one grade.

Uh, so like what grade would that put us in?

Yeah, are we gonna be like in college?

[laughing]

That would be cool.

Yeah, then we'd score.

Enjoy your new school, boys.

[laughing]

[laughing]

[door slamming shut]

This sucks.

Yeah, why do we have to like

go back to th grade to get to college?

Cancel out the common factors and we have X = two squared.

So X is obviously...

So, uh, have you ever like been with an older man?

[laughing]

Leave me alone, you loser.

[laughing]

Loser.

Shut up, dillhole.

Ahh!

Butthole!

Excuse me?

Are you paying attention back there?

Uh... no.

What did I just say X is?

Um...

[laughing]

Two squared.

Uh...Um...

[laughing]

Two squared?

Two to the second power?

[doors slamming shut]

[groaning and grunting]

Four plus five?

Come on, four added to five?

Um, W?

No way, Beavis.

Uh... like two squared or something?

Ooh.

This sucks.

[doors slamming]

Hey, Beavis.

These chicks are flat.

Yeah.

[laughing]

So the mean, grumpy bear turned into a nice happy bear.

And he lived happily ever after with the

jars of honey minus one.

Numbers suck.

Are you angry, Butt-Head?

Yeah, I'm like angry at numbers.

Yeah.

There's like too many of them and stuff.

[laughing]

That's okay, it's all right to be angry.

Everyone gets angry sometimes.

Well, let's do some coloring now.

Won't that be fun?

Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, coloring.

What's with you, dumbass?

Coloring sucks.

[children chattering]

Who wants juice and cookies?

Yay!

Yeah.Yeah!

These cookies suck.

Do you have any like nachos?

No, I don't have any nachos, sorry.

And I don't like spitting.

Spitting can spread germs.

Germs, germs, germs, germs.

[spitting]

[children spitting]

[door slamming shut]

Either get these imbeciles out of my class

or get yourself a new kindergarten teacher.

Well, I could try sending them back to preschool.

But eventually they'd come back through here.

Uh...

Why don't you like put us in a higher grade?

You know, where the chicks have big thingies?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too.

See what I mean?

Yes, I see.

Hey, these boys just gave me an idea.

[clearing throat]

You're looking at the brightest students

that have ever passed through the hallowed halls

of Wilson Elementary School.

Yeah.

Star pupils, my ass!

These two boys are morons!

You just weren't reaching them.

They learned everything

they're going to learn in elementary school.

Now their young minds need room to grow.

So we graduated them early

and we're not taking them back.

Uh, you just weren't reaching us, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

And if you try reaching for us,

I'll kick you in the nads.

[laughing]

Ooh, ohh!

For crying out loud!

Hiyah!

[laughing]

Listen, up, morons!

[announcer] With a voice of a generation.

Let's burn something.

They changed a nation.

That looks cool now.

[thunderclap]

They changed the language.

Bunghole!

Assmunch.

Buttwipe.Butt dumpling.

And they changed television.

This sucks, change it.

Now Beavis and Butt-Head make DVD history

with a three-disc state of the art, fully-loaded box set.

You said, "“Whoa."”

[laughing]

I am Cornholio!

[screaming]

Beavis and Butt-Head: The Mike Judge Collection Volume One.

Come to Butt-Head.

classic cartoons including previously unreleased on DVD.

Cut it out, asswipe, that hurts.

Uh...

All hand-picked by Mike Judge.

That guy's old.

Plus music videos.

[Butt-Head] This guy's dad must have kicked his ass when he was a kid.

Damn it, Pantera, this beer is warm, get me another one!

And a featurette that includes an interview with Mike

and a revealing look at the history of Beavis and Butt-Head.

Beavis and Butt-Head: The Mike Judge Collection Volume One.

Available now.

♪♪