900x10 - The Mike Judge Collection 201

[bunniefuu]

[Chuckling]

[Bluesy rock music]

♪

- Welcome to hard story.

Tonight we bring you another special report

On breast implants.

For many women, a visit to the plastic surgeon

Means a larger, firmer, perkier bust.

Just take a look at these exclusive photos

Taken before and after.

- Whoa.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Their thingies got bigger.

- But is this operation worth the risk?

Should women get potentially dangerous implants

Just for the sake of "bigger thingies"?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go for it.

Yeah, go for it. - Yes.

- [Snickering]

- Hey, beavis.

- What?

- We should go to one of those plastic surgeon dudes

About, you know, making our thingies bigger.

- Um, mine are, like, already big enough.

It's not worth the risk.

- Not bigger boobs, dumbass.

Bigger, you know, thingies.

We could, like, get weiner implants.

- Oh, yeah.

Cool.

[Snickering]

- He's in a session right now with a patient.

Can I help you?

- We're gonna get big wieners.

- Yeah.

Boing.

- Yeah.

[Both chuckling]

- Yes?

- Does this surgeon work on, uh...

[Chuckles]

Bones?

- Yeah, boners.

- Well, yes.

He can change bone structure in extreme cases.

- Yeah. - Yes.

- Cool.

Boing.

- But he prefers to work with softer tissues.

- Yeah, yeah, me, too.

- Good afternoon.

Doctor's office.

- I go through a lot of kleenex.

[Snickering]

- We want to, like, change our bone structure.

- Yeah, yeah. Me, too.

- Good afternoon.

Doctor's office.

Yes.

- Hey, we were next, asswipe.

- Oh, really?

You boys are next, huh?

Well--well, I'm the doctor.

So why don't you boys come on in.

- Uh, okay.

- Cool.

Boing.

[Both laughing]

- So how much smaller would you like your--

- We want them bigger.

- Yeah, we need bigger thingies.

- Hmm.

Well, I've never done an enlargement.

All my patients have either asked for reduction in size

Or a slightly different shape.

- They're stupid.

- Yeah.

Size is everything.

- Well, I suppose I could fashion something longer for you

By breaking the bone and adding an extender.

- Butt-head told me it's, like, not really a bone.

- Well, actually, it's cartilage,

Which acts like a bone.

- [Snickering]

Mine acts like a bone in the morning sometimes.

- Hmm.

Well, are you experiencing any pain?

Any swelling or any unusual discharge?

- Yeah, yeah, sometimes.

- Beavis is becoming a man, sir.

- Okay.

Well, surgery is always risky.

But I think in your case,

Any change would probably be an improvement.

- Um, yeah.

But how could you tell all that just from looking at my nose?

- Well, let's just say I've seen a lot of these little thingies

In my line of work.

- Oh, yeah.

[Snickering]

- Ow.

[Groans]

Is this operation gonna stink or something?

- No.

In fact, you probably won't smell a thing

For a couple weeks.

- So how come you're holding my nose?

- Please, don't talk.

Well, I think I'll break the cartilage in your nose

And add an artificial extension there.

Your noses will be bandaged for at least a week afterwards.

- Are you gonna have to touch our nads?

- 'Cause, like, if you do,

Could you get one of those,

You know, female nurses to do it?

- Yeah, yeah, like maybe that chick out front.

[Both chuckling]

- [Groans]

- This sucks.

- Hey, beavis.

- What?

- Our wieners are bigger.

- Oh, yeah.

[Both chuckling]

- Mine looks bigger, dude.

- Yeah, me, too.

[Both chuckling]

- Now I need a bigger hand.

- Yeah.

Boing.

[Coughing]

- Ow.

[Grunts]

- [Groans]

I'm gonna kick stewart's ass.

- [Grunts]

Yeah.

I can't believe he moved to heineke.

Butthole.

- Warning.

The following feature presentation is not rated.

It contains scenes of full frontal nudity

And extreme v*olence.

Viewer discretion is advised.

Both: yes.

- Yes.

- Discretion is cool.

- Pay-per-view rules.

It rules.

- Whoa.

Who are you guys?

- We're the damn moving men.

Who the hell are you?

- We're, like, these dudes that stewart knows.

- Yeah?

Well, he don't live here no more.

- Whoa, check it out, butt-head, a naked chick.

Yeah.

- Cool.

- Maybe you didn't hear me.

Your little pal moved away, so get the hell out.

- Come on, get out of the way.

There's a naked chick.

Yeah.

- Yeah, butt-munch.

- I said get out.

- These guys are cool.

- Yeah.

- Mm.

His and her barcaloungers.

Might be worth something.

- Check it, out, harlan.

It's one of them smoking devices.

[Laughter]

- That's stewart's chemistry set.

- Yeah.

I can show you how to melt the carpet with it.

- Oops.

[Laughter]

- I thought moving men aren't supposed to break stuff.

- Listen here, punk.

We don't have any use for this kind of crap.

We just want the good stuff.

- See?

Crap.

[Laughter]

- These are the coolest dudes I've ever met.

- Yeah.

Me, too.

- On the other hand, this tv, for example, see,

I could get maybe bucks for this baby.

- Harlan, buddy.

- Tell you what, boys.

You help us locate the quality merchandise around this dump,

And maybe you can be movers like us someday.

- We want to be the kind of movers that take the cool stuff.

- Yeah, and then, like, take all the crap and break it.

Break it! Break it! Yeah.

- You boys are quick learners.

- There's usually cool stuff in here.

- Whoa, here's one.

Yeah.

- Check it out.

[Chuckles]

- Yeah, her boobs aren't too big.

But when she wears it--

- Damn it, quit screwing around.

- Let me explain, boys.

We're looking for anything maybe hidden or secret,

You know, like, nobody knows about it.

- Uh, I know.

Hey, beavis, you know where he's got those things

With the big hooters?

- Yeah.

[Snickering]

- Keep going, boys.

You're bound to find something cool.

- Here it is, dudes.

- Yeah, stewart's dad's dirty magazines.

Yeah.

- We've torn out all the pages with butts on them.

But there's still plenty of good boobs left.

- Yeah.

- Yo, harlan, we got to hit the road, man.

- Thanks anyway, boys.

Maybe next time.

- Hey, wait.

So, like, when do we get to be movers?

- Yeah, like, when do we get to break stuff?

Yeah.

- Oh, yeah.

Well, why don't you boys practice breaking stuff

Around the house?

We got to be moving on.

- Someday, beavis, that will be us.

- Yeah.

Cool.

- [Laughs]

- Well, we'd better get started breaking stuff.

- Yeah.

We need to practice.

Yeah, yeah! Break it.

Break it.

- Well, I guess that's everything.

- Oh, yeah.

Let's, like, break everything again.

Yeah.

- They're back.

- Yeah.

I bet they hire us.

- Yeah.

We did a good job.

- [Gasps]

- Holy. - Oh, dear.

- Yeah, how's it going?

- Beavis, butt-head, what happened?

Where's the couch?

Where's the tv?

- The movers took it, dude.

- [Groans]

Movers?

You idiots.

We've been robbed.

- Robbed?

We were here all day.

We didn't see any robbers.

- You guys are in big trouble.

- Whose dirty magazine is this?

"Wet hooters"?

- Uh, i-- hell, I don't know.

Stewart?

- Hey, butt-head, how come stewart's dad's so pissed?

- I don't know.

Maybe their new house sucked even worse than this one.

- Yeah.

"We got robbed.

We got robbed."

- You little twerp.

- Yeah.

- Idiot.

- What a dork.

[Rock music]

[Chuckling]

- Hey.

- Boing.

- Hey, beavis.

What's the most you ever got from a chick?

- Remember that time

That chick rubbed her thingies against my shoulder?

- Oh, yeah.

And I even saw her thingies.

Let's go do that again.

- Yeah, yeah.

[Chuckling]

- This is gonna be cool.

- Boing.

[Snickering]

[Chuckling]

- Uh, no.

This chick's got, like, too much clothes.

- Yeah.

- [Groans]

- [Yells]

I'm not gonna let some dude cut my hair.

- He'll probably accidentally, like,

Rub his nads on your elbow.

- No way.

[Laughing]

- Yes.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Yes. - Yeah.

- Come to butt-head.

- Yeah, yeah.

I'm gonna go to her.

Yeah.

- Can I help you?

- Uh...

[Tittering]

Uh...

Uh, so, like, uh...

- Hold your head back.

[Grunts]

[Chuckling]

Uh...

- Damn.

Out of shampoo.

- Hey, butt-head, did you see anything?

- Beavis, I have seen the top of the mountain,

And it is good.

- Yeah.

Ow.

[Groaning]

Uh, so, uh...

You come here often?

[Chuckles]

Hey, beavis, hand me a magazine to, you know.

- Okay, let's go.

- Not yet.

I mean, like, do beavis first.

- Yeah, yeah, do me.

♪ Do me, baby

Yeah.

- Okay, then.

Put your head back.

- Get ready to climb the mountain, dude.

[Chuckling]

- [Tittering]

Yeah.

Ow!

Ow!

Cut it out, fartknocker.

- Oh, is that too hot?

- Knocker.

Knocker.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Could you lean over a little more?

Ow!

Ow!

- I saw both of them.

You could see her whole boob.

- Yeah, me, too.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was cool.

Yeah.

- Are you guys ready yet?

- No.

- Me, neither.

We need some quiet time or something.

Yeah.

[Chuckling]

- Hey, beavis.

I've still got a woody woodpecker.

- Yeah.

[Imitates woody woodpecker]

- Baby, come on, man.

Let's get out of here.

- I can't.

I've got to cut their hair.

- Those little asswipes?

Hang out for a second.

This won't take long.

- I think we're ready now.

- Yeah, me, too.

[Yells]

Um...

- Uh...

- Just a little bit off the top and sides.

Yeah.

- Hey, beavis.

Your haircut sucks.

- Well, yours sucks worse.

- Todd's pretty cool, but he sucks at cutting hair.

- Yeah.

And he called us asswipes.

- We saw the top of the mountain.

- Yeah, yeah.

And my shoulder got some.

Yeah.

- Yeah.

[Chuckling]

- We'll be right back

With more of the life cycle of the dung beetle

Right after this.

- Dung.

- Yeah.

Dung.

- It's cold in here.

- Hey, butt-head, that dog just talked.

- He did not, dumbass.

- Won't you please take me into your nice, warm home?

- See, his lips aren't moving.

- Oh, yeah.

- He's, like, communicating tele-pathetically.

- Oh, yeah.

- Every year, we k*ll thousands of dogs

Like the one you see here

Just because they weren't adopted in time.

We don't like to do it,

But we have to.

It's the law.

- Whoa.

- Adopt a dog now, before it's too late.

- Hey, beavis, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- Yeah.

Those dung beetles are pretty cool.

- Dumbass.

Our dog's gonna be cool.

We'll have to, like, teach him to do cool tricks and stuff.

- Yeah.

Sit, boy.

Sit. Sit.

Sit or I'll kick your ass.

Yeah.

- That's not a cool trick.

A cool trick is, like,

To teach him to, like, bite stuff.

- Yeah, yeah.

Bite, bite, bite.

Bite everything.

Yeah.

- We're gonna teach him to, like,

Bite stuff that sucks.

- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

- This is gonna be cool.

- Hi, can I help you?

- Uh...

We'd like to see the big dogs, please.

- Yeah, the ones that bite. Yeah.

- Right back there.

[Chuckling]

- Wuss.

Wuss.

Shih tzu.

Wuss.

- Shih tzu.

- Whoa.

Come here, doggie.

Beavis, the test.

- Shih tzu. - Come here, dumbass.

- Oh, yeah.

- Don't worry, dude.

- Dog germs.

- That answer was incorrect.

The penalty is death.

[Chuckles]

Wuss.

Wuss.

Wuss.

Whoa.

Beavis, the test.

Hurry up.

- [Yells]

He bit me.

He bit me, damn it.

- We have a winner.

- Ow.

- Come on...

- Cut it out.

- Uh, spot.

- Whoa there, boys.

Where do you think you're going with that pup?

- We, like, adopted him.

- Yeah, he's--ow!

He's ours.

- Yeah, it ain't that simple, boys.

- Cut it out.

- Now, have either of you two boys

Ever taken care of a dog before?

- Uh...

- Yeah.

Cut it out.

Down.

Get away.

- Well, that ain't important.

You look like responsible boys.

Now, you do know what a dog like this eats, don't you?

- Uh, garbage?

- Ow! Ow!

Cut it out.

Get down.

Down!

- Well, dog food, actually.

Dry is best.

I'll give you boys some coupons before you leave.

Okay, now if your dog goes to the bathroom

In the house, what do you do?

- Rub his nose in it, yeah.

- I'd kick his ass.

- Yeah, rub his nose in it, then kick his ass.

Yeah.

Ow!

- No.

You can't never hit your dog,

No matter what he does.

- If he takes a dump in my house,

I'm gonna kick his ass.

- My nads!

Ow! No.

- Okay.

Now here's a pamphlet on that.

Now if we can just get that $ adoption fee.

[Barks]

Um...

I tell you what, boys,

I think we'll just waive that fee.

Could you please get that dog out of here?

- Okay.

Sit down.

Ow!

No. Cut it out.

- [Chuckling]

- Uh...

Slow down, spot.

Okay, beavis, throw the stick.

Fetch, dog wipe.

- Yeah, go get it.

[Barking]

- Check it out, he missed the stick.

- He's still running, butt-head, yeah.

- Yeah, he's, like, way past it.

What a dumb dog.

- What a dumbass.

We should get another one.

- You're watching pbs.

- He said b.s.

- Yeah.

But first, he said pee.

Yeah.

- We now return to great american minds part six:

Benjamin franklin.

- It was on a rainy philadelphia night

In the middle of a cow pasture

Where I tied a metal key to a kite

In an attempt to prove my hypothesis

Of the presence of electricity in lightning.

- Whoa.

- That's cool.

- Yeah.

[Thunderclap]

[Thunder booming]

- Get the kite, beavis.

- Cool.

[Laughing]

- This is gonna be cool.

[Chuckling]

- Yeah.

Whoa.

Did you see that one?

That was cool.

We should come out in storms more often.

- Yeah.

Storms rule.

Okay, get ready, dude.

[Laughing]

- Yeah.

[Chuckling]

- Damn it.

Trees piss me off.

- Hey, butt-head, check it out.

It's stuck in the crotch of a tree.

- Damn it, beavis, quit screwing around.

We've got an experiment to do.

Help me get this stupid kite down.

- Oh, yeah.

Just get up here, and, yeah.

Whoa!

[Thunderclap]

[Sirens blaring]

[Machines beeping]

- This one seems okay.

But the other one got hit pretty bad.

The e.k.g. Shows a pulse,

But there seems to be little brain activity.

- Hi, mr. Butt-head.

Betsy wiener, decency in media.

- Uh...

What's your name?

- Betsy wiener.

[Beeping accelerates]

- [Snickering]

- I spoke to the doctor.

He says you boys were injured

After imitating something you saw on tv.

Could you tell me about it?

- We were watching this tv show

That had some, like, old dude with long hair and glasses.

- Howard stern?

- No. - Whoa!

- But have you ever seen howard stern

Or listened to his radio show?

- Uh...

I think so.

- Uh-huh.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Tell me more about this tv show.

- Well, this dude, like, tied his key to a kite.

And, like, lightning hit it and stuff.

It was pretty cool.

- So this was portrayed in a glamorous light?

- Whoa!

- Shut up, dumbass.

I'm doing an interview.

- Oh, yeah.

- Well, they said this dude was, like, really great or something.

- Quick, somebody get me that tv listing.

I want to know what was on last night.

No, it couldn't be.

What else were you watching yesterday?

- Uh...

I think we saw some videos or something.

[Chuckles]

Hey, beavis, you know what rules about hospitals?

- Um...

All the free ice cream?

- No.

You don't have to get out of bed to take a whiz.

- Oh, yeah.

I took a dump in mine.

[Laughing]

- Check this out.

- Yes?

This is the nurse.

- Uh...

Bring us some more ice cream

And some of that stuff for pain.

- Yeah.

I wonder why everybody doesn't do this.

- Yeah.

Hey, check it out.

It's that chick.

- These two boys were left unsupervised,

Watching music videos that depicted rock stars

They thought were cool.

I understand that in one of the videos,

There was fire, explosions, and even lightning.

We're not saying there was a connection.

But certainly, the coincidence is difficult to ignore.

It's obvious that kids are imitating what they see.

- That chick is stupid.

- Yeah.

I hope nobody imitates her.

- Yeah.

[Rock music]

[Bluesy rock music]

♪