900x23 - The Mike Judge Collection 304

[bunniefuu]

[laughing]

♪♪

This is stupid.

A bunch of dumbasses going around in circles.

[laughing]Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, stupid.

It's, like, just a bunch of dumbasses

going around in circles.

[laughing]

Whoa!

This is the coolest show in the history of television.

[laughing]Yeah!

Yeah, it's like--

It's like it's the coolest show

in the history of television.

Yeah, yeah.

[laughing]Damn it, Beavis,

why do you always do that?

Why do I always do what?

How come every time I say something, you,

like, say the same thing?

How come every time before I say something,

you say the same thing?

It's like, you just do it first.

Bunghole.

See, Beavis, you just did it again.

See, see-- you just did it again.

Damn it, Beavis.

Yeah, yeah, see?

That's what I was gonna say, yeah.

I was gonna say, "“damn it."”

Uh...

Hey, Beavis.

I'm a big, stupid butthole and my mom's a slut.

[laughing]

Um, yeah, yeah, I was just gonna

say, you're a big stupid butthole.

And... and my mom's a slut.

[laughing]

Hey, Beavis, you wanna go break something?

[laughing]

Beavis, you wanna go break something?

[laughing]

Hey, Beavis remember that timeHey, Beavis remember that time

we broke Stuart's aquarium?we broke Stuart's aquarium?

Damn it, Beavis, cut it out!

Damn it, Beavis, cut-- cut it out!

[laughing]

Okay, Beavis.

Okay, Beavis.

You're gonna do everything I do?

You're gonna do everything I-- I do?

Ah!Ah!

Ah, ah, ah!Ah, ah, ah!

[laughing]

Ah!

[laughing]

Oww!

Ah, ow!

Ow!Cool.

[laughing]

Dumbass.

Uhh!

Cool.

Dumbass.

[laughing]

Damn it, Beavis, you almost got me k*lled

with this crap, now cut it out.

Damn it, Beavis, you almost got me k*lled

with this crap, now cut it out.

[laughing]

Whoa.

[Beavis] Yeah, yeah, whoa!

[laughing]

Okay, Beavis.

Okay, Beavis.

Uh, hey, Todd.

[Beavis] Hey, Todd.

Hey, what the hell do you little turds want?

Uh, Beavis wants your chick.

[laughing]

Yeah, yeah, Beavis wants your chick.

Yeah, that'd be cool.

[laughing]

I think you want to get your asses kicked.

Now, just wait here a second.

This won't take long.

Yeah, just wait here a second.

[laughing]

This won't take long.

Yeah.

Just wait here a second.

This won't take long.

Ow!

[screaming]

Man, don't you ever interrupt me again

when I'm getting it on or you both will die.

I think you need to apologize

for your rude interruption.

Uh, sorry.

[laughing]

Ah!

Sorry.

Ah!

Ah!

That sucked.

Yeah.

[laughing]That sucked.

Something's wrong with you, Beavis.

[laughing]Yeah.

Oh, um...

Something's wrong with you, Beavis.

Yeah.

[laughing]

Todd thought you really wanted his chick.

That was cool.Yeah.

[laughing]

Todd thought I really wanted his chick.

That was cool.

[laughing]Damn it, Beavis,

I'm gonna start copying you.

No way!

You can't copy me 'cause I'm copying you.

Yes, I can.

No, you can't--

Yes, I-- uh, wait a minute.

No, you can't.

What?

Oh, yeah, um... no, you can't.

[laughing]

♪♪

♪♪

Yes, that's right, fans.

Baseball players are on strike again

and there is no resolution in sight.

Baseball rules.

Check this out.

[laughing]

Come on, Butt-head, we have to go to work.

Uh, wait a minute.

Whether we like it or not, these guys simply refuse

to go to work.

Uh...

Come on, we gotta go to work.

Wait, I got an idea.

[laughing]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too.

I'm gonna scratch my nads and spit on the grill.

No, Beavis, we should go on strike.

[laughing]

Um, yeah, yeah!

Yeah.[laughing]

[laughing]

This is pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

[laughing]

Uh, yeah.

Can I get a double cheese curlies

and a large orange soda?

[laughing]

Listen, I ain't got time for this.

Will you just get my order?

[laughing]

Oh, come on, you idiots.

I want my food, now!

Uh...

I'm sorry, sir, but we're on strike.

Yeah.

[laughing]Yeah, we're on strike.

What-- strike?

You clowns just lost yourself a cash-paying customer.

This is a joke!

[laughing]

That was cool.

Yeah.[laughing]

Let me do it.

Hi.

I'd like a salad with lo-cal ranch on the side

and don't put any cheese or croutons on it, okay?

Oh, what the hey?

Give me one of those hot apple pies, too.

[laughing]We're on strike.

[laughing]You're on strike?

Yeah, pretty cool, huh?

[laughing]

Come on, just give me the food.

No.[laughing]

If you guys are on strike you should be out in front

of the store with picket signs.

Uh...

Um...[laughing]

This is cool.Yeah, yeah.

[laughing]Burger World sucks!

Chicks rule.

[laughing]

What's going on here, gentlemen?

We're on strike.[laughing]

Yeah.

Okay, Sid, let's go.

What do you say we make some news?

This is Deborah Shay reporting from Burger World

where a labor dispute has erupted

between management and their employees.

Why are you gentlemen on strike here at Burger World?

Uh, 'cause work sucks.

I see, I see.

Uh, it's like, we don't want to work,

we just want the money.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and um, and chicks!

[laughing]

What the hell?

Where are those two idiots?

Hey, how about some service here.

If I want to wait this long for my food,

I can go to a real restaurant.

Can you just hang on a minute?

I'll be right with you, okay?

And how long do you expect your strike to last?

Uh, I don't know.

For the rest of our lives!

[laughing]Yeah.

Damn it, what the hell is going on here?

I'll give you two seconds to get back inside.

Uh, okay.

Yeah.[laughing]

We'll be right in... butthole.

Wait a minute, boys, where are you going?

You're on strike.

Yeah, yeah, we're on strike.

[laughing]Check it out.

What-- strike?

I'll show you a strike right upside your heads

if you two idiots cost me any more business here today!

Uh...

We gotta go back to work now, Deborah.

Yeah.

I think we're in trouble or something.

Hey, how's it going?

I want the bottom of every single table and chair

in this restaurant spotless when I come

back here at : and I mean spotless,

or you're gonna be working late.

[laughing]We were on strike.

Yeah.

That was cool.

We got out of work for a whole hour.

And we didn't have to do anything.

[laughing]

Yeah.

Nothing.

Quiet!

No talking!

Now get busy.

Hey, Beavis, check it out.

I'm not really cleaning anything.

[laughing]Yeah.

Yeah, that's cool.

[laughing]

Let's go on strike again tomorrow.Cool.

Let's do it again.

♪♪

♪♪

You wonder why you can't get yourself a woman?

I'll tell you why!

You're weak, frail and your pathetic butt is sagging!

But today is your lucky day.

With my scientifically engineered blueprint

for success,

you too can look just like me!

Monster pecs!

Six pack!

And check out these cheeks!

Uh...Um...

[laughing]

So get off your duff and start exercising!

But exercise alone will not produce a body like mine.

That is why you need to get on the phone

and order your monthly allotment of Mega Bulk,

made from fiber, bran, egg whites and an arsenal

of protein-packed vitamins!

Mega Bulk will have you packing on

major muscle mass in no time!

Cool.[laughing]

Yeah.

So what are you waiting for?

Pick up the phone!

Come on, do it!

Do it now!

Uh...[laughing]

Hello?

We want cool butts.Yeah, yeah, cool butts.

Yeah.[laughing]

No?Yeah.

Plop.

No.

Bunghole.

Uh, no.

Yeah-- well, you suck.

That dumbass wanted all kinds of, like,

checks and credit cards and stuff.

What?

Looks like we're just gonna have

to do it ourselves, Beavis.

Yeah, cool.[laughing]

How are we gonna do that?

Let's go to Stuart's.

[laughing]

Uh... okay.

Uh... couple of these.

Uh...[laughing]

Come on, guys, this is my mom's stuff.

What are you doing?

We're gonna be cool.

We're gonna get in shape for chicks and stuff.

Really?

Can I be in on this too?

No way.

You're too fat already.

[laughing]

Uh, oops.[laughing]

Oh yeah, Stuart will clean it up.

Okay, dude.

[Butt-head] Drink up.

Here's to our butts.

[Beavis] And our wieners.

This sucks!

You want to score, don't you?

Yeah, but...

Ahh!

Ahh...

Uh-oh, guys, my mom's home!

We better clean this up!

Uh...

[laughing]

We, like, gotta go exercise and stuff.

Yeah, yeah.[laughing]

See you later.

[Beavis] Take care.

Touch your toes!

That's right, touch your toes!

Now up, down!

Up, down!

Up, down, up, down, circles with your hands!

Circles with your hands!

Small, small, small, small circles with your hands!

And don't forget to jog!

This sucks.

[man on TV] Small, small, small, small circles with your hands!Yeah.

Let's just go outside.

We could, like, go jogging or something.

Um...

[laughing]Uh, okay.

[Beavis] Woo!

[man on TV] Don't forget to jog, come on!

Uh, ready?

Yeah.Okay.

Go.

Hey, Butt-head.

Yeah?

Can we stop and rest?

Uh, okay.

Jogging sucks.

Yeah.

I don't feel too good.Yeah.

I gotta take a dump from all that

mega crap stuff we drank.

[laughing]Yeah, me too.

I gotta go bad.

Yeah, me too.

I'm going first.

No way, fartknocker, I'm going first!No way!

I'm going first!

[Butt-head] Damn it, Beavis, I'm gonna kick your ass!

[laughing]

[Butt-head] Ah...

[laughing]

Plop.

Hey, how's it going?Oh, no, not this guy again.

Small, small, small, small circles with your hands!

Workout and body-shaping guru Peter Small

collapsed and d*ed today

during the taping of his latest infomercial.

The coroner's office is quoted as saying

that the death was caused by heart failure

brought on by muscle stress to the lower bunghole.

Exercise sucks.Yeah, yeah, really.

[laughing]

Just sitting here is cool.

Yeah.[laughing]

♪♪

♪♪

Hey, check it out, Earl's wearing an earring.

What a wuss.[laughing]

[Beavis] Yeah.

I wonder if he has a bra on, too.

[laughing]

[Butt-head] You should ask him.

Hey, you got a problem?

Uh... Beavis does.Yeah.

You better watch yourself, punks, or next time,

I'll kick your ass right out of your mouth.

Whoa!

[laughing]Cool, it's a skull!

Yeah.

[laughing]That earring rules.

You're damn right.

[laughing]

[Butt-head] Uh, this is the place, dude.

Cool.

[laughing]Skull earrings rule.

We're gonna look like we can kick some ass, yeah.

[laughing]

I'm gonna get one in my nose.

I'm gonna get one in my butt.

[laughing]

So, what can I do for you guys?

We want earrings.

Yeah, and butt rings, yeah.

[laughing]

Well, we have quite a variety here in the display case.

Is there anything in particular you're looking for?

Uh, we want skulls and axes and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, and maybe some boobs.

[laughing]

Okay, now, I'm assuming you've got notes from home.

Uh... what?

Store policy, guys.

Before I can go ahead with the piercing,

we need parental permission.

No way!

Yeah, come on, buttmunch, we want earrings.

[laughing]

Sorry, not without a note.

Okay, let's just go ahead and do the butt then.

[laughing]

Uh, here you go.

[laughing]Yeah, here you go,

that ought to do it.

Me and my mom, you know, talked it over

and she had some-- she said, um... permission...

She said yeah.

You guys must live awfully close by.

Uh...

We, like, just ran into our parents

right out there or something.

Yeah, yeah.

[laughing]Small world, huh?

Uh, looks to me like you guys did these yourselves.

You dumbass.

I told you she wasn't gonna believe yours.

Oh, yeah, sorry about that.

I really thought it was pretty good.

Uh...

I guess we're just gonna have to do it ourselves.

[laughing]

Uh, this ought to do the trick.

Yeah.

Pierce my ear first.

Yeah.

[laughing]Ahh!

[Butt-head] Damn it, Beavis, haven't you ever heard of a Q-tip?

Ahh, ow!

Uh...[laughing]

Ahh, cut it out, ow!

I think it might be working.

Ow!

[Butt-head] Hold still.

Ahh!

Uh!

Damn it, you're doing it wrong, Butt-head.

That hurts.

Okay.

[laughing]

Bunghole.

Yeah.

Uh, now hold still this time, Beavis.

Uh, no pain, no, uh... hole.

No, no, no!

No!

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh!

[laughing]

Oh, no.

Uh, we pierced our ears.

[laughing]Yeah.

We want skulls.

Skulls.

Uh, you might want to think about using

a little alcohol on those, like, soon.

Oh, yeah.

Don't worry, we're gonna drink some beer later.

Yeah, yeah.[laughing]

Then there's no telling what we're gonna do, yeah.

Are you sure you want to put those earrings

on the right side, guys?

Uh, huh?

What?[laughing]

No!

♪♪

♪♪

Check it out, this trick rules.

It's like, we ring the doorbell

and then we run away.

Yeah, yeah.[laughing]

Okay.

[doorbell ringing]

Yeah?

[laughing]

We tricked him.

He's probably like, "“Uh, there's nobody here.

I wonder who did that."”

Hey!

What the hell's wrong with you two?

Do that again and I'll kick your ass!

Um, hey, Butt-head, did we do that right?

Uh... I don't know.

[laughing]

Maybe we're supposed to, like, run away

before anyone opens the door.

[laughing]Um...

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Let's try it again.

Yeah, this is gonna be cool.

[laughing]

[laughing]

So, like, this time, remember

to run away before they come to the door.

Oh, yeah, okay.

[laughing]Before, yeah.

[laughing]

That was cool.

[laughing]Yeah.

They're gonna be pissed.

Um...

Nobody's coming out, Butt-head.

Maybe whoever lives there has, like,

a broken leg or something

and it takes them a long time to get to the door.

[laughing]Yeah.

Yeah, that would be pretty cool.

Yeah.

[laughing]

Hey, Butt-head, let's ring it again.

Uh, okay.

[laughing]

Let me ring it.

No way, Beavis, you rang it last time.

No way, you did, dillhole!

Uh, wait a minute.

Uh...

I think we forgot to ring the doorbell, Beavis.

Damn it, this is really hard, Butt-head.

Yeah, but it's cool once you get it right.

Come on.

[laughing]

[doorbell ringing]

[laughing]

What do you want?

What?

Hey, how's it going?

What are you-- what are you doing?

[laughing]

Did you see that?

That was pretty cool!

Beavis, you screwed it up again.

You're supposed to run before he comes to the door.

Well, damn it!

I don't know when he's gonna come to the door.

This sucks!

[laughing]Dumbass.

Where are you going?

The neighbors asked if I'd pick up their mail

while they were away on vacation.

[laughing]

[doorbell ringing]

[laughing]

Hey, Beavis, I hope whoever lives here is,

like, taking a dump.

[laughing]Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

And then they gotta run to the door without wiping.

[laughing]

Damn it, what the hell is taking so long?

Yeah, really.

Let's do it again.

[doorbell ringing]

[laughing]

What's wrong with these people?

Uh, I don't know.

They must be stupid.

Are you sure we did it right this time?

Uh...

Yeah.

Gosh, it's good to be back home, huh, g*ng?

What a trip!

Hey, Butt-head, they weren't even home!

That sucks!

Ding-dong-ditch is hard.

Yeah, yeah, and it sucks!

[laughing]What a waste of time.

Uh, maybe we were, like, doing something wrong.

We need practice.Yeah.

Hey, Beavis, you pretend you're at home

and I'll, like, do it to you.

[laughing]Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, practice.

[laughing]

[doorbell ringing]

Wonder who that is.

[laughing]

Um, hello?

Damn it.

Nobody here.

Damn it!

Bungholes!

Oh, yeah.

[laughing]

That worked pretty good, yeah.

♪♪

♪♪