01x07 - The Solo Plan

[bunniefuu]

[melancholy music]

I was scared you wouldn't come.

You OK?

Are you paid to be here?

OK.

I intended to tell you tonight.

So, it's all true?

Which means it's all fake.

The aquarium.

Roger la Grenouille.

[Elsa] My father's couch.

- [Jules sighs]
- Boby Lapointe.

It must have been fun for you.

- Why didn't you tell me anything?
- Because I would have lost you.

I didn't expect any of this.

- What did you want me to do?
- You know, you lost me anyway.

I must have made
the whole charade easy for you.

Such a f*cking idiot.

I was so scared you wouldn't like me
that I didn't ask you any questions.

- Man, what a f*cking idiot I was!
- I'm being sincere.

[melancholy music continues]

Elsa! I swear I'm in love with you.

[door opens]

[door closes]



THE LAME PLAN

THE CRAZY PLAN

THE BOOTY PLAN

THE HOOK-UP PLAN

[loud banging]

You're pissing me off, not Milou!

Come on, be happy.
We don't have to hide anymore.

[shouts] The loser is going to be late
for her bullshit job!

[banging continues]

Hey, what's this?

There's no way I could sleep last night.

So, I worked until dawn. Well, I mean...

I had another shitty idea: Pink Cars.

Uber by women for women.

Pink Cars?

[Charlotte]
You see, you think it's shitty too.

At least wait until I leave
to make fun of me.

[knocking]

- For you.
- [Charlotte giggles]

If you stop banging your heels.
You're driving me nuts.

Well...Yeah, OK.

[loudly] My thanks,
Antoine, for the Weetabix!

[hard rock starts playing]

[Antoine] Oh, Milou, what the f*ck?

[shouts] Love you, my brother!

It's hell on earth.

I can't believe them.

[death metal gets louder]

[silence]

- [Milou] Oh, it's you?
- No, it's Catherine Deneuve.

- [Antoine] Where are you off to?
- I'm really going to yoga.

As you can see, I'm losing my sh*t.

Then we're both just as lost.

I know, yeah. That's what
you told Manon in your messages.

[Antoine sighs]

I admit I kind of asked for it.
But we could have talked about this.

[Antoine] About Jules,
your construction site, yoga.

And Manon.

Who gives a f*ck about her? Come on.

You don't trust me anymore?

No.

I don't trust myself anymore.

I thought I could handle everything
but I can't.

I feel so stupid now.

Come.

Listen to me.

The Emilie I love...

She's a strong woman.

A gifted and busy architect.

She makes me proud
to be the father of her child.

My Milou is not a selfish person
who only thinks about herself.

Who lies and spoils everything.

I'll work on it.

[Antoine] Thanks.

[footsteps retreat]

{\an8}DELETE PHOTO
CANCEL

So, Jules is a prost*tute. So what?

I'm sorry, what?

A date.
If one pays for the other: prostitution.

If you're in a club, guy or girl,
someone buys you a drink: prostitution.

At work, you sleep with your boss:
prostitution.

- You're batshit.
- Bad example.

Don't you think you're pushing it?

I am, but just to put things
in perspective.

[sighs] But I'm super lame.

Right, OK, good job on the perspective.

I'm sorry but how can I break out
of this spiral of failure, how?

Help me, Chantal, I...

Things need to change,
I want it to stop, I need...

[knocking]

Great, the PR douche is here
to brighten our day!

- [Milou] Elsa, we need to talk.
- [whispers] No, no.

Then I'll talk and you can just listen
if you want to.

Elsa, you know I'm on maternity leave,
I actually have time.

No, I don't want to, no.

I'm not talking to her.

Just two minutes, they won't let me in.
Elsa, wait, please, I miss you!

[Milou] Come back, I'm begging you!
I know I f*cked up.

You can stop now,
she can't hear you anymore. Bye!

{\an8}BIZET HOSPITAL

{\an8}[siren]

[Manon giggles]

What's with you?

Mehdi, he told me you taught him
how to draw rockets.

Yeah, so?

He struggles a bit so I gave him pointers.

{\an8}FOR MANON

I see.

Apparently, he needs more lessons.

Yeah, right. Might reassure his parents.

I'm sorry.

About Emilie.

I know she spoke to you.

It's because she read our messages.

- I never wanted her to...
- Forget about that.

But did you tell her anything?

Like, I mean, did you tell her that...

I told her the truth, so nothing at all.

Well, enough to make sure
she wouldn't come back.

There's something sweet about her.

[Antoine] Hm.

Free ice cream, try it, please!

Free ice cream, try it!

Free ice cream!

f*ck! f*ck me on a bike!

- [Charlotte] Motherf...
- Are you OK?

All good?

You came all the way here
to make fun of me?

- Pink Cars.
- Yeah, that.

I've been thinking about it all day.
It's a f*cking brilliant idea.

- Yeah, right, I'm sure.
- I'm serious, Charlotte.

- Ma'am, free ice cream!
- No, thank you.

Yeah, you should be on a diet.

- I want to help you.
- Do what? Sell this horrible sh*t?

No, for f*ck's sake!

You really like my idea?

Are you really ready
to work on that project?

Well...[sighs]
Don't know, I mean...Just drop it.

Please, sir, free ice cream? Rose pepper?

- See that? I suck!
- No, you're motivated.

You're all in,
holding nothing back, that's great.

- Ignoring me is f*cking rude!
- Maybe you could hold back a bit.

But that's fine, we'll work on it.

Are you just saying that to make me smile?
You know, like couples do?

f*ck...For f*ck's sake,
you're such a pain in the ass.

[Charlotte giggles]

[Charlotte giggles]

- That's a beautiful hat, I'm digging it.
- Go on!

[jazzy electronic music]

Jules?

Jules Dupont?

[Roman] In the flesh.

Well, come on in.

[Max] Let me talk to her.

[Max] Put her on the phone.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe,
but what am I supposed to do ab...

Then put her on the phone so she can
explain it to me herself. Karine?

[Max sighs]

- [Max] You OK?
- Hm.

I'm really sorry about Jules,
what happened with the girls.

No, don't be,
you weren't mixed up in this.

You're the only one
who hasn't acted like an assh*le.

- Hm.
- Hm.

I know that Milou stopped by.
I think I saw her...

She left already.

I heard the name Karine.

- Isn't she Gaïa's sister?
- [approaching footsteps]

Gaïa cancelled the wedding.

Oh, my God!

I mean, wh...

[Elsa] Well, then,
I should be the one saying sorry. Why?

Um, too much doubt.

Gaïa might not be
as dumb as she looks, then.

[Elsa clears her throat]

Are you done? Got your coffee?

Hm.

Sweetener.

- So, what are you doing tonight?
- [Elsa] Nothing. Nothing at all.

[Elsa] I don't feel like doing anything.

Don't you want to...

Stirrer.

You're doing your stirring here?

Not sure if I'm going to have milk.

Don't you want to talk to a friend?
It would do me good.

Please.

OK.

- Cool.
- [Elsa] Hey.

Happy to hear that.

- [Max] I'll pick you up, then.
- Fine...I'm in.

[retreating footsteps]

- [Chantal sighs]
- [Elsa] What?

Come on, it's fine, we can be friends now.

- Hm.
- [Elsa] Yeah!

NEW MESSAGE TO: ROMAN
ELSA IS SEEING HER EX TONIGHT!

[phone chimes and vibrates]

- Wait! Where are you going?
- To sell my suits and the scooter.

- It will help pay the rent.
- No, wait, I have something to tell you.

[Jules] I'm listening.

[Roman] Well, it's about Elsa.

- [Max] I know, right?
- [Elsa giggles]

Her latest crisis was
right after your birthday party.

- [Elsa] Really?
- Yeah.

She believed there was something
between us, like, romantic.

[Max scoffs] It's dumb, right?

Totally.

So dumb, of course.

It's a bit my fault. I told her
you were as beautiful as ever.

- Right, really dumb, too.
- Hm.

But...

thanks.

[soft background jazz]

Elsa? Elsa?

Hm?

I'll always be here for you.
You know that.

[burps] Sorry.

- [Elsa] I'm sorry.
- No worries.

My name is Julio Saldenha.

Jules?

I was born on September 29th 1987. I'm 31.

I'm 6 feet, 175 pounds, a Libra.

And Libra rising.

And I'm a hooker, an escort, a gigolo.

I had to make money to help my mother
and then I kept going.

Hundred and sixty euros an hour,
twice a day for the past four years.

Five hundred and seventy clients
from 23 to 72 years old.

- Let's go.
- I support my mom and roommate.

And I'm happy to do it.
I'm still paying off my father's debt.

And it won't get better soon
as I quit everything.

I have no qualifications,
no professional experience and...

in three months, my mom's homeless.

That's enough. Stop it.

No, wait! I'm all about planning,
compartmentalizing and control.

Except with Miss Piggy.

It's been 43 days.

She has the appetite of a horse,
the laughter of a Viking.

She talks to fish.
She totally freaks me out.

- Thanks.
- But there it is.

With just a smile,
she makes me want to start all over again.

If my dad were still alive, I'd tell him
I met the girl of my dreams.

I had lost my way.

But thanks to you, I changed.
I'm ready to believe in myself.

Start again from scratch.

Start again together.

Well, I wish you good luck,
Julio Saldenha.

[Elsa] I hope it all works out for you.
Can we go?

Elsa!

Just wait, OK?

You need to think about it, I get it,
but I'll wait for you, OK?

Come on, this isn't a romantic comedy!

Listen, know what? Next Thursday.

Week from today, Thursday.

I'll wait for you here
until closing time, OK? Eight o'clock.

And if you don't come to see me,
I swear I'll disappear for good.

See you Thursday!

[rhythmic b*at]

["L'Escalier" by the The Pirouettes]

[Chantal] Hey, hon.

THURSDAY / FRIDAY

[electropop continues]

I'M EXPECTING A BABY

FRIDAY / SATURDAY

[electro pop continues]

Yeah? Uh-huh?

SATURDAY / SUNDAY

[indistinct chatter]

[electropop continues]

[electro pop continues]

WEDNESDAY / THURSDAY

[music fades]

[phone vibrates]

WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

WHY, WHERE ARE YOU?

CITY HALL, BY THE FOUNTAINS

- So, he's waiting for you right now.
- Hm.

And you're ditching him, right?

Yeah.

This guy and...

and everyone else.

What?

I'm leaving, Anaïs.

I'll go far away,
leave it all behind, like you.

- It's impossible for you, Chublet!
- Enough with that thing!

OK!

[Anaïs sighs]

Trust me,
you never leave your problems behind.

I know but...

I want to create my own problems,
I'm tired of letting people decide for me.

I...

- I'm vegetating.
- Huh?

[Elsa gasps]

I'm a sole.

A sole?

Yeah, that flat fish, the one
that always hides on the ocean bed.

I'm doing the same thing, I'm hiding.

Hiding behind Daddy,
sometimes behind Mommy.

I'm hiding at work and behind Maxime.

Yeah, that's who I am. A hider.
I'm always hiding. [gasps]

[Elsa sighs deeply]

What a mouthful!
You needed that off your chest.

Come here.

My little sis.

Thank you for coming to see me this trip.

Made me feel better.

Same here.

- [sighs] You know what?
- What?

- Go see him.
- No.

Go see him
and hear what he has to say to you.

No.

If he wants to see you,
there must be something.

- I mean, besides the obvious.
- No, don't!

Go back to Daddy's, then.

Put on Juliette Armanet,
have a good cry, then go there.

- No! No!
- You have absolutely nothing to lose!

Oh, no!

Oh, f*ck! You'll miss your flight!

Come on, run!

Elsa!

["Ta Katie t'a quitté" drum sample remix]

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

SORRY, ELSA

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

♪ Oooh, so close to me ♪

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

♪ So close to me ♪

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

[door opens]

[music fades]

[Max] Hey.

OK.

Elsa is not coming.

- She wants to forget you.
- What do you know?

- You won't give up, right?
- [Jules] No.

I was ready to buy you off.

Enough to cover your expenses.

So you'd disappear from Elsa's life.

- But you'd never take it, I guess?
- No.

And your mother?

Would she take
an apartment from City Hall?

With a capped rent, hm?
In a nice neighborhood.

What do you think you're doing?

Having an early mid-life crisis?

You're about to get married and you can't
bear that your ex is seeing another man?

What's your deal?

I know guys like you very well,
and you want to know why?

I'm getting paid by their girls.

Yeah, you might have a point.

And I might be an assh*le.

But I've known Elsa for 13 years.

I know her by heart.

And it's obvious
that you've made her feel like sh*t.

I brought her some pain too but you...

f*ck! You're destroying everything.

Her self-confidence, her relationships.

You've isolated her from her best friends,
who are like sisters to her.

And they're not reuniting anytime soon.

So, I don't get it, man.
What is it you're after?

What are you after?

You don't love Elsa.

You want her to be yours.

Except the Elsa you knew? She's changed.

And what you can't accept
is that she's better off without you.

[Max scoffs]

And what do you have to offer her?

Huh? You admitted
that all you can do is f*ck.

You don't have a clue
how to make your loved ones happy.

And now you want to drag Elsa
into your mess?

[door slams]

[Milou] I really went.

It's crazy, I know.

I went to a yoga class.

Don't expect anything major,
I've never been so bored, ever in my life.

I couldn't believe the other women -
nymphomaniac Buddhist b*tches.

Hm.

Anyway...

They say I do a k*ller butterfly
and thunderbolt so...

I'm really trying. Hm.

Not a bad start for a change, right?

So, you'll tell Daddy for me, please, hm?

[groans]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[Matthieu] So, it goes like threats...

opportunities...

[Charlotte] Mm-hm.

...strengths...

and weaknesses.

There, it's kind of bullshit
but it's the basics so you have to do it.

- That's amazing, thanks.
- You're welcome. It's nothing.

You're helping a lot.

You know, I'm serious, going to school,

traveling and all the...

all the work you've got to put in,
I'm not really built for business.

Who gives a sh*t?
That means nothing at all.

A couple of years of business school,
cramming a marketing book or two,

that's it, nothing to it.

[Matthieu] However, your talent?
That's priceless.

Right.

You can sell a weird ice cream
on the streets.

You ace every crazy job you get.

You can talk to anyone,
you're charismatic.

Folks want to listen to you,
follow you anywhere.

[Matthieu] That has real value.

That's raw talent.

Can't learn that in business school.

So, start with threats, competitors.

Uber.

That type of thing.

[Matthieu] Parisian taxis.

Now strengths.

What are your strengths?

- Come on, strengths?
- Well, my concept.

Your concept. Pink Cars.

[Elsa blows her nose loudly]

[phone vibrates]

[bottle opens]

- Here.
- You're the best, Daddy.

DELETE

I took ten steps back.

Everything will work out.

Your friends meant well.

And what if he's a good guy?

Why do you even talk about that guy?

Because you've been going around
in circles for a week now.

Jules is the only one
who can answer your questions.

So, if I were you,
I'd just go talk to him.

♪ I close my eyes ♪

♪ Till I see...♪

{\an8}DELETE PHOTO

{\an8}♪ And suddenly everything's...♪

{\an8}DELETE PHOTO

{\an8}♪ I close my eyes ♪

{\an8}♪ Till there's no one around ♪

♪ Every face that I've known ♪

♪ Simply gone, long gone ♪

♪ When out of sight ♪

♪ No love can last ♪

♪ When out of reach ♪

♪ No bond can hold ♪

♪ When out of joy ♪

♪ No stories can be told ♪

♪ Into the lights unrestrained ♪

♪ As I throw myself blinded and wild ♪

♪ They will take me places ♪

♪ Out in the blue morning ♪

♪ Planets in bloom
Oh, they're dawning...♪

[takes a deep breath]

♪ Speed and grace ♪

♪ When out of sight ♪

♪ No love can last ♪

♪ When out of reach ♪

♪ No bond can hold ♪

♪ When out of joy ♪

♪ That's when we're all alone ♪

♪ Nature knows no pain ♪

♪ Nature seeks no gain ♪

[song turns into theme tune]