01x08 - The Exit Plan

[bunniefuu]

- [assistant] So...are we ready?
- [Milou] Yes.

[assistant] Let me see.

Don't look, not yet.

[gentle classical music]

There we go.

I've noticed the first client of the day
is often the most motivated.

You could say that.

Now look in the mirror.

You are beautiful.

[assistant] So, tell me a bit more,
how is the ceremony going to be?

Complicated.

Alright.

Maybe I'll take a pic
to send to your mom. I'm su...

- Don't do that, please.
- [assistant] Alright.

[assistant] Here.

- For the bridesmaids, then?
- I don't have any.

I accused one of f*cking our best friend

and the other is mad
as we booked her a man-whore.

[sharp exhale]

- [assistant] How about the groom?
- I haven't told him.

I'm not even sure he's going to say yes,
I've been horrible.

Alright.

[trickling]

[gasps]

[assistant gasps] Alright...

So, that's a yes on the dress
and I'll call you a taxi.

- Alright.
- Alright?

[assistant shouts] Taxi!

There's a lady giving birth here!



THE LAME PLAN

THE CRAZY PLAN

THE BOOTY PLAN

THE HOOK-UP PLAN

[doorbell]

[retreating footsteps]

[upbeat music]

FOR DADDY

[front-door buzzer]

[music fades]

You manage to be late
even on the day you're quitting.

[Chantal] I got an email from HR at 7 a.m.

Apologies.

I asked them to wait
so I could tell you myself now.

So, it's no bullshit, you're leaving?
Buenos Aires?

Yeah. Hm.

After all, looks like the timing is right.

ELSA. Emergency Legal Shelter for Aliens.

The NGO you contacted plans
to transform the sports hall.

So, I did something good while I was here.

- That's an amazing goodbye gift.
- Hm.

[Chantal] Come here.

Oh!

[Chantal sighs]

Tell me you're not leaving
because of that douchebag from PR?

No.

Since he found out you're leaving,
he's been waiting for you,

looking like a demented stoned hyena.

Now...

you should go.

Yeah!

[retreating footsteps]

[Chantal sighs]

So, you're just going to cave
to that dickwad?

You're quitting the only thing
you're good at...

Thanks for that.

Anyway, it's better for Elsa.

What if she did go to the bar?

It's over, forget it, OK?

Let's focus on helping my mother.

Well, it's Mom, so say to her that, uh...

"Listen, Mom,
I lost my job and things are tough,

but I'll manage, don't worry."

You sugarcoat the truth, or should I say,
"Chabichou" the truth, you know?

No more lies, OK?

My dad played that trick on her.

I want to save some money,
find a normal job,

an apartment for us,
be a responsible adult.

You're breaking up with me, then?

Are you kidding?
What are you talking about?

Listen.

You know you are the only person
that I can trust.

[upbeat music]

[Roman sighs] Ah!

What movie was that from again?

- It's not from a movie, it's heartfelt.
- [Roman] Yeah, right.

Hey, if you want to avoid me,
you shouldn't smoke out here.

What? I'm not avoiding you.

- Just working on my inner shrew.
- Ah.

Apparently, you love that.

Nah, Millie's no shrew.
She's just got self-esteem issues.

- [shouts] HR-24-TI-75! Write it down!
- [Antoine] Oh, f*ck me!

Son of a bitch dropped me off a block away

because he was scared
I'd give birth in his car!

Calm down! I've got you! And breathe, OK?

- You getting married?
- Can we please talk about that later?

Oh, I'm going to be a dad!
I'm going to be a dad!

I'll go prepare a room.

[music fades]

I can't believe it.
We're going to meet their baby.

Like, our friends have made a human being.

It wasn't supposed to happen today.
She's doing her best to piss me off.

Right, but hurry up,
we're going to the hospital.

Hey, every second, four kids are born
on the planet, it's no big deal.

- And it's Fish and Chips' birthday today.
- [squeak]

I got him Lebanese - kefta, his favorite.

[squeak]

- Plus, you have an interview, don't you?
- I rescheduled.

Milou should reschedule.

I'm hard at work on my project.
Pink Cars, remember?

I have to do
all your stupid marketing crap.

Well, marketing research
and preparation to build the company.

Page 24: "Be in control of your anger
before it controls you."

In other words,
quit being a bitch. I'm going.

- Bye!
- Yeah, have fun.

[door closes]

Uh, hey, wait!
I'm supposed to bring Milou's bag!

[baby cries]

Takes after his mother.

[Charlotte]
No. Those pipes, that's from my side.

[crying continues]

[Matthieu] Hey...

[crying continues]

- Who is this? Who is she?
- Who is this?

- [Charlotte] You know her?
- Who's that? Who's that?

- You know her, yes.
- You like her?

- [crying stops]
- [all] Aaah!

He's happy now, he wanted
Auntie Chacha's cuddly toy, yes, he did.

You feel better now?
Oh, you love me the most, right?

No, he loves me more than you.

- Uncle Matt is his favorite.
- [Antoine] No way, he loves his Daddy!

[Charlotte] He must be tired.

He's just out of the water park,
he's not tired.

It's not like Milou helped him
down the waterslide.

[Charlotte] Your Mommy's a lazy bitch.
Yes, she is!

I can hear you!

- A bit of a lazy bitch.
- I still hear you.

And thanks for bringing me
the bag of old clothes

I had prepared
for the women's shelter, well done.

If your place wasn't such a mess,
I might have found the maternity bag.

- [Milou] My place? Who's talking?
- [Antoine] Whoa, best friends again.

How sweet!

Hi, guys.

Hello.

Here.

[Antoine] Thanks.

Coffee?

[Matthieu] Coffee?

Oh, sure, yes, coffee!

Yeah, coffee.

Congratulations.

[Antoine] Thanks.

[door closes]

He's beautiful.

Thanks.

Pick him up if you want.

[Elsa] That's for him, too.

- [Elsa] Oh, my gosh!
- [gurgling]

- [Elsa] What's his name?
- We haven't picked one yet.

So, how are you?

- And you guys?
- Amazing.

- Yeah, awesome.
- [Elsa] Me too.

Oh!

- I'm glad that you're here.
- [Charlotte] Me too.

He's the one I came to see.

[gurgling]

[ding]

- [indistinct chatter]
- Hey! We weren't sure you were coming.

- [Max] Ah, congrats, man!
- Thanks, bro.

- [Antoine] Thanks.
- It's awesome, really.

- How are you doing? Good?
- Good, yeah.

- [Max] OK.
- Wait, where are you going?

To see Elsa. I mean, and the baby.
Yeah, I want to see the baby.

Of course, I'm mostly here to see
the baby and if Elsa's here...

Max, Max, Max, Max.
It's not the right time.

- Why not?
- You OK? Breakup's not too hard?

- Gaïa? It's hard. Terrible.
- Yeah. Looks like it.

- [Max] But Elsa's here? In the room?
- Leave them alone, they need to talk.

Yeah, but Elsa needs me too,
she's in pain, she needs me.

Hey, guys, I'm a dad!
Let's grab coffee, OK? Come on!

- Yeah.
- Uh-huh?

[Charlotte]
Is it true that you're leaving?

It's amazing.

Why don't people believe me even though
I'm the only one who hasn't been lying?

- [melancholy music]
- [Elsa] I need some air so...

- [gurgling]
- So, Buenos Aires.

You'll be gone long?

I don't have plans.

- Elsa, I just wanted to say...
- Shush...

It's too late for explanations.

[Elsa] Huh?

It's too late.

I'm no fairy godmother.

So, I'm not going to tell you
how amazing life is.

[gurgling]

You'll go through a lot
of disappointments and frustration.

You don't even have a name yet
so it's not the best start.

But it's all worth it.

You just need to weather a few storms

and try and catch as much love
as you can on the way.

Because, trust me, love is just...

Love is the most amazing thing.

Or at least...it's supposed to be.

[silence]

[gurgling]

[Elsa] I'm leaving.

I don't know for how long yet.

The time to recover...

from a super bitchy move, you know?

[gurgling]

In the meantime, please take good care
of the two nutjobs crying behind us.

[sighs]

[whispers] See you.

[Milou sniffs]

[gurgling]

- [door closes]
- Buenos Aires?

[sniffs]

[with Spanish accent] Buenos Aires.

[Charlotte sobs]

[Charlotte] I've never seen her like that.

I'm sure it will get better, don't worry.
You are an auntie now!

For real. You're going to see me
way more in the weeks to come.

What do you mean?
We already see you every day.

Sure but, with the baby, you'll need me


You live upstairs
and you can keep the apartment.

I'm talking about sleeping in here,
next to his bed, right there.

[Antoine] You look shifty.

Charlotte?

Spill it now, go on.

[Charlotte sighs] Alright.

I rented the apartment on Airbnb,
they'll be here tomorrow.

It's only temporary!

Are you completely crazy?
You want her to k*ll you?

You just made up with her!

So, the people from Airbnb
will come through here

in the middle of our breakfast, right?

Just give me
till Milou is out of the hospital.

Come on, please, please, please, please.
I need the money for my project, Antoine.

OK, I don't know but I'll think about it.
I'm going to see the baby.

- [Antoine] What?
- You're going to be an amazing dad.

- [Antoine] You think?
- Positive.

[loud smooching]

Bestest bro del mundo!

And you'll be
the bestest auntie del mundo.

[Charlotte giggles]

- See you later!
- [Antoine] Later!

- To Buenos Aires in Spain?
- What? No, are you...

But why is she going there, for a job?

She wants to raise llamas? [chuckles]

- That's a good one.
- Red alert, six o'clock.

Au-pair girl from Scandinavia.
Arrived here a month ago.

[Chantal] Not a word of French.
Culture shock. Emotional isolation.

Sad and blue, ripe for you.

[approaching footsteps]

[Scandinavian accent] Brüstübrüt? Good?

- Boyfriend?
- Uh, no, I'm good, thanks.

I'd rather not.

[chuckles]

- [Roman mocks her]
- [Chantal chuckles]

- You're just as clueless as your roommate.
- Why do you bring up Jules?

The whole "I'll give you
seven days to think about it"

but he doesn't show up at the bar?

Can't blame Elsa for disappearing.

So, Elsa went to the bar?

- [phone vibrates]
- Put yourself in her shoes.

AUDITION FEEDBACK. CALL US!

Come on, man, focus!

Sorry, it's an emergency.

- Got to go, see you soon!
- Come on!

Got to keep your eyes on the prize!

[Chantal] Miss? How you doing?

No? Your loss.

- [Milou] How about we call him Sabri?
- [gurgling]

- Sabri's great, isn't it?
- [gurgling]

- Even he seems to agree, look!
- [Antoine] Hm.

- Edouard?
- No.

- Edouard?
- No!

- Yeah, I think he likes it better, look.
- But I want to reference his heritage.

Come on, Edouard, seriously?

[gasps] That reeks
of white privilege and tradition.

That's the point.
I want to reference his other heritage.

- [Antoine] Ah!
- Ah...

[Milou] Huh.

What about Eddie?

It's a good compromise.

And it sounds a bit Arabic.

- Hm.
- His last name is Ben Smires.

That's not a passing reference,
that's a billboard sign.

We are his heritage.

Your grandma is from Brittany.

But your name is not Nolwenn,
you don't make crepes.

- No bagpipes.
- But this is different!

No, you just want to piss off your parents
and make me happy.

- You really don't need to do that...
- Do you want to marry me?

[gurgling]

Do I want to marry you, Emilie?

Yes, of course I do.

But it's not our top priority
now the baby is here, you know?

- You like the idea, Eddie?
- [Eddie squeals]

[gurgling]

[Matthieu] Let her know we're here?

- Yes, right away.
- Thank you.

I don't care but you look stupid
taking your girlfriend to a job interview.

I'm not here for the job,
we just like to exchange bodily fluids.

- I'm here for moral support.
- Stop! Are you dumb or what?

Come on, dude. Chill out, jeez!

- What job are you after?
- [woman] Pink Cars?

What the hell is going on?

You're here to pitch your project.
Tell them your idea.

- If they like it, they'll invest.
- Are you f*cking with me? I'm not ready!

- Why did you do that?
- Charlotte Ben Smires?

- She's here.
- Yeah. [falters]

Don't forget to breathe.
You're the best, OK?

- Charlotte?
- What?

- I love you.
- What?

I love you.

- Hi, Charlotte. Sorry to keep you waiting.
- Pleasure.

[sighs]

[shouts] Oops!

Anita, drop the chouquette.
You two, listen to me now.

Bow down to Flatulor,
new king of Flatuland!

- Flatuland?
- [Anita] Flatulor?

Brand mascot for Flatuline Worldwide.

- Bullshit!
- "Bull-true"! The crazy audition.

- [Jules] Really?
- This is really big, guys.

I'll be "oopsing"
on an international scale, hello!

- Long live the king! Champagne!
- You're the best, Anita.

- Oh, man, that's amazing.
- [sighs]

One-year contract.

Won't be life-changing but it's enough
for us, our problems are solved.

- Our problems?
- [Roman] Yeah, we're family, right?

Sure, but...
No, come on, we can't accept that.

Non-negotiable, dude. I owe you that.

And in other news,
you know Elsa did come to the bar?

- [Anita] Who's Elsa?
- No.

Who's Elsa? She's why he quit...

- I mean...
- [Anita] Where is she?

[in French] Buenos Aires.

Buenos Aires.

Brazil.

She hasn't left yet, her flight's tonight.

I checked. It leaves at 11:54.
So, what do we do?

Make a good last impression?

[Charlotte]
I'm here to talk about Pink Cars.

We're going to be a private car company.

[upbeat world jazz]

[indistinct muttering]

[upbeat world jazz continues]

[gasps]

- Hi.
- Hello. Paid for.

- [Antoine] Hi.
- For you.

- [Matthieu] You ordered pizza?
- No, it's not me.

Me neither.

[Matthieu] Look, Elsa has forgiven you.

[upbeat world jazz continues]

- [music fades]
- [doorbell]

- [dad] Ah. Hello, Jules.
- I'm sorry, sir.

No, I'm sorry for you,
Elsa has left already.

Well...

OK, she'll k*ll me for telling you
but there is a Buenos Aires in Paris too.

[Jules] I don't get it.

Don't tell her you heard it from me.

But you can still find her.

[door opens]

[start-up chime]

["Ta Katie t'a quitté"
by Boby Lapointe drum sample]

[electronic chords added]

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

♪ Oooh, so close to me ♪

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

♪ Oooh, so close to me ♪

♪ So close to me ♪

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

♪ So close to me...♪

[doorbell]

♪ So close to me ♪

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

♪ So close to me ♪

♪ So close to me ♪

[gasps]

BUENOS AIRES STREET

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

♪ So close to me ♪

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

♪ So close to me ♪

♪ So close to me...♪

[muffled music]

[sharp exhale]

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

♪ So close to me ♪

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

♪ So close to me ♪

♪ So close to me...♪

[remix turns into theme tune]