02x06 - Jen V Nora: Ultimate Showdown

[bunniefuu]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[RELAXING MUSIC PLAYING]

- [KNOCKS ON DOOR]
- [ALFIE] Mummy?

Not now, sweetie.

Mummy's visualising the
downfall of her enemy.

[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

[MUSIC STOPS]

["OUTSIDE INSIDE" PLAYING]

[SIGHS] Stupid little bastard almonds.

They look fine to me.

They have to be perfect.

Nora has Jizzlord thinking
I'm some sort of chaos goblin,

so I have to pretend to be a
polite and well-adjusted young lady

at her little fucker's
dumb sh*t birthday party.

So, you're just gonna make sure
everyone has a lovely time then.

Yeah. That'll f*ckin' show her.

[GROANS] I hate sleeping
in the bath again.

[GROANING, STRAINING]

Wait, why you sleeping in the bath?

- [CLARK LAUGHS] No, she didn't.
- [KASH LAUGHS] Yes, she did.

- [LAUGHING] No.
- Yes, she did.

- [LAUGHING]
- I swear to you. I swear to you.

- Honest.
- [CLARK] You're lying.

- He's staying the night now?
- Carrie.

Oh, God. No, no.

I-I didn't mean it, like, he's
staying the night now. Gross.

Why would it be gross? Is
it because they're both boys?

[STAMMERS] No. No, no, no. That's, um...

I love boys. And their boys in turn.

I'm totally fine with this. Absolutely.

I mean... [LAUGHS] ... I
channel gay people all the time.

[SIGHS]

Not that that means I
couldn't be... [GASPS]

Look, I think we could all self-examine

and find ways to prioritise respect.

Hmm.

You're gays. Do you know
how to make macarons?

Yeah. I do, actually.

- [CHUCKLES] Uh...
- [GASPS]

It's all about air.

- Now, you're gonna whisk it up...
- Okay.

... get those bubbles going.

Can't believe Nora thinks
I'm holding you back.

I'm a very good owner. I mean,
girlfriend. I've gotta stop saying that.

I know. And Nora's gonna see that today.

- I have a plan.
- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah. So you know fire...
- We're not doing that.

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

- So, I set the house on fire...
- No.

- ... then you swoop in and put it out...
- No.

... then Nora has to accept
you, and we can live in harmony.

Please do not set anything on fire
at this children's birthday party.

So, what am I gonna do
with all this petrol?

- I thought that was a gift.
- Exactly. No one will suspect a thing.

- [STAMMERS] Give it to me.
- No, it'll work.

Rob, Jen.

So glad you could make it.
You've missed so many of these.

- Is that for Alfie?
- Yes.

It's petrol.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [JEN] Oh, I love the beige.

- [JIZZLORD] You hate beige.
- [JEN SHUSHES]

I got you crinkly paper, hair
ties, caps of bottles. Hours of fun.

- You weren't at my other birthdays.
- I'm sorry.

I ran away, abandoning
you and your mother

for reasons I still don't understand.

Mummy said you were a spy and had
to leave to help save the world.

Oh. Right. Yeah.

I forgot you can just lie to
children. Yeah, that's what happened.

All my other friends had
their dads at their birthdays.

It made me sad.

No, no, no, no. Um, I'm here now,

and I'm not going anywhere,
and I can get you more gifts.

- What'd you like to play with?
- Money.

♪ Nonces, nonces ♪

[SIGHS] Do you think nonces
sounds better in a C or a G?

Oh, F-sharp.

You've only ever dated girls, right?

Uh, yeah.

It's just...

I'm going to a friend's party
next week, and I want you to come.

But in the past when I've
started seeing someone like you,

well, you don't know if they're
ready to make their debut.

[CHUCKLES]

- Um...
- [GASPS] No, it's fine.

It's too soon. I'm jumping ahead.

Chill out Clark, you bloody
maniac. Uh, I'll do a coffee run.

- A piccolo. Oat Piccolo.
- No. No, no. No.

- [BREATHING SHAKILY]
- No, no...

No. I really, really
like this. I just, um...

Well, I guess I can't picture
what it looks like yet.

Like us, uh, socially. Like,
what if everything's different?

- Sorry. That's a stupid reason. I didn't...
- No, there's no rush.

We can fly under the radar for a bit.

- Thank you.
- [CHUCKLES]

Hello!

["YOUNG HEARTS RUN FREE" PLAYING]

Am I having an LGBTQ+ stroke?

I just want you guys to be super,
super comfortable in this flat.

[STAMMERS] I got some
flavoured vodka, little flags.

I baked some cookies in
the shape of Kim Petras.

- Mini quiches.
- What's gay about mini quiches?

Oh, nothing. I-I just think they're fun.

Ooh! I even got some poppers.

[GASPS] Oh, uh, that's not...

Hmm. Okay. Thank you, Carrie.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

Yas!

Oh, okay, great. Yeah. Come up.

- Who's that?
- Your vigilante friends. [CHUCKLES]

I thought I'd invite
them over to celebrate.

[MUSIC FADES]

You haven't told them?
[GASPS] You haven't told them.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[CARRIE BREATHING HEAVILY]

Oh, God, hide the poppers!

[KASH] Okay, triage! What's gayest?

[CARRIE WHIMPERS]

[STAMMERS] What's straight music? Polka?

[BREATHING HEAVILY] Give me the phone!

- ["DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT" PLAYING]
- [GREGOR] Randall 3D printed a key.

- [KASH] Oh, so green.
- [ADE] Sorry for barging in.

- Ooh. Hello!
- [MEGAN] Hi.

- [MUSIC CONTINUES]
- Oh, sick! This is my jam.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [KASH CHUCKLES] Hello.

- [MEGAN SIGHS]
- Hey, Kash. How are you doing?

So, why exactly are we here, Kash?

Yeah. Carrie said we should
all come over to "radiate love".

Something about, uh, a cocoon
and a beautiful butterfly.

- It was pretty vague.
- [KASH BREATHES DEEPLY]

He's probably got some
new pathetic project

he wants us to be a part of.

I only came over here to make fun of it.

Yes.

I am writing a musical, and I
want all of you to star in it.

Well then.

I really like musicals, so I'm in.

It sounds really fun.

Whoo!

- [BICYCLE BELL DINGING]
- [CHILD] Oh, can I just...

- [ALFIE] This is my new bike.
- [CHILD] Can I see the bell?

[ALFIE] No, don't touch it!

- [KIDS CHATTERING]
- Oh, Chris.

- [SHRIEKS]
- Oh, don't worry.

- I'm not going to wrestle you again.
- Good. Yeah.

- What are you doing here?
- Oh. [CHUCKLES]

Just dropped off the little soldier
his presents. It's nothing big.

It's just a bike, a new tablet,

and some saving bonds for
when he goes off to university.

That's so nice. You're
such a good friend.

Yeah, well... Been checking
in on him the last few years.

Kid needs a dad, you know?

It's about 12-and-a-half
presents... [CHUCKLES]

[CHRIS CHUCKLES] Here he is!

Hey! [GRUNTS] Happy birthday, Son.

I'm glad you're home, Daddy.

[SIGHS]

[GUEST] Ooh, what a lovely spread, Nora.

Are those madeleines?

- Yes. They're from the organic bakery...
- Ooh.

... on Titheley Street.

Oh. Then not home-made?

- No, but...
- [GUEST] It's just that, um,

the shop-bought ones
have sulphites in them.

Hmm. It's a shame.

I made macarons.

- Ooh.
- They're home-made.

[NORA] No one wants
your almond sh*t-cakes.

- [SMACKS LIPS] Oh! They're amazing.
- Oh!

- Mmm. So airy.
- [NORA] Mmm.

- [NORA] They're delicious.
- They taste like a badger's arsehole.

[NORA] Uh...

- [CHUCKLING] So... Sorry.
- [GUEST CHUCKLES]

Uh, I have a cold. [CHUCKLES]

- So my taste is off. [CHUCKLES]
- [CHUCKLES]

- [SCOFFS]
- [GUEST] Oh.

- What are you doing?
- Just being nice.

Hmm.

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ I love it how you
do that thing, yeah ♪

♪ Show my how you do that thing ♪
♪ How you do that thing ♪

Oops.

Stop titting my macarons.

[GROANS]

Come on.

Yell at me. Make a scene.

There is nothing that you can do
that will get under my skin, Nora.

- I'm impenetrable.
- Hmm.

Well, Rob seems to think so.

♪ Make it boom, boom, boom ♪
♪ Till it pop ♪

I'm right, aren't I? You
still haven't done it, right?

Rob and I f*cked on the first date.
Didn't even make it to the bed.

If I was you, I'd be
wondering if he even liked me.

♪ You can get it if you got it ♪

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

No! You're poor!

Hey, Jen! I've cracked the dad thing.

Alfie likes me,

and I've got this feeling
that if anyone hurts him,

I'll k*ll them with a hammer.

So, it's all good.

That's great. We're having sex. Now.

I'm on a roll today!

It's a dramatic retelling
of our time as vigilantes.

So you need someone to play the hero.

- I graciously accept.
- [KASH] No.

I'll be playing the hero.

It's important to stay
faithful to the true story.

Right. So, does that mean it
will end with you running away

- and getting dumped by your girlfriend?
- [CHUCKLES]

That's... No.

Um, well, no, obviously the artist

has to take some
creative licence, right?

- [PHONE BUZZES]
- So...

I have to sh**t off,
lads. I've got a gig.

But as long as I can do
the pyrotechnics, I'm in.

I've got a bunch of
Semtex I need to shift.

I can't see why that would be a problem.

- See ya.
- See ya.

Who would I play?

You would play the love
interest of the hero.

Surely Gregor would be
playing your love interest.

- What, why?
- Uh, are we forgetting

about the frankly electric
sexual tension between these two?

Mmm.

- Come on. It's classic enemies to lovers.
- Excuse me?

[GULPS]

Megan. Could you come
with me for a moment?

- Why?
- Girl stuff.

Yeah, but what kind of girl
stuff? Boys, pregnancy, fun shoes,

endometriosis, pets, small ones...

Okay.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

[STAMMERS] I could
play the love interest.

[JEN] Just need a room.

[CHILD STUTTERS] I'm having a poo!

[SIGHING]

I know this is a kid's birthday party,

but how are there kids
literally everywhere?

I will make this child
disappear using magic.

- [CROWD] Ooh!
- It's not magic.

You can just teleport things.

Uh, shut up. You're ruining it.

He can teleport people.

Alakazoo, be rid of you!

[CROWD GASPS, LAUGHS, APPLAUDS]

[CROWD MURMURS]

To places without children in them.

Hesto, presto, reappearo.

[CROWD GASPS, MURMURS]

[APPLAUDS]

[GASPS, CHUCKLES]

Um, that-that's not my child.

[CHILD] Where did Tommy go?

- Yeah, it is.
- No, it's not.

- I knew it.
- He's not ready for everyone to know.

He's currently convincing them
to star in a musical with him.

So, I don't know how
much longer you expect

the gay cat to stay in
its fruity little bag.

[SIGHS] I feel so bad.

I put him in this terrible position.

I can only imagine how
much he must be struggling.

♪ Bumhole ♪

- [ON SPEAKER] ♪ Bumhole ♪
- [ALL LAUGHING]

[CONTINUES ON SPEAKER]
♪ Bumhole, bum-bum-bumhole ♪

♪ Bumhole, bum-bum-bumhole ♪

Wait.

[KASH LAUGHING]

I've got an idea.

Hey. Can you make two adults
disappear somewhere private

for, I don't know, like,
six to nine minutes?

Oh.

I see. Nice.

Ew! Just do it. I'll give you a tenner.

[MAGICIAN CLEARS THROAT]

[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC STOPS]

Kevin, is it?

Let's have a chat.

It's so quiet.

And child-free.

And Carrie-free.

And Kash-free.

[KASH LAUGHING]

[SIGHS] It's my
responsibility to fix this.

[GASPS] Why are you
skulking in the hallway?

We have to convince the guys
that Kash is totally straight.

I could say that he
fingered me. Would that help?

- No.
- But we could throw them off the scent.

Say that we're dating.

Yeah. Yes.

Duplicate Clark, you are a genius.

[CARRIE, CLARK CHUCKLE]

[MEGAN EXHALES DEEPLY]

I'll say it anyway. Can't hurt.

- [FARTS]
- [ALL LAUGHING]

[KASH] ♪ Bumhole, bumhole ♪

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Bumhole, bumhole ♪
♪ Bumhole, bumhole ♪

♪ Bumhole, bumhole ♪

- [COUGHS]
- [MUSIC STOPS]

I know you've all noticed the
unbearable tension between us.

And yes, mm-hmm.

The rumours are true.
Clark is my boyfriend.

- Oh, no, no, no. It's fine.
- [ADE] Hmm.

I told them already. They're chill.

- [ADE] Mm-hmm.
- It actually made a really cool preset.

[KASH] ♪ I'm dating a man ♪
♪ Bumhole ♪

- [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
- [ALL CHUCKLING]

♪ Man ♪
♪ Bumhole, bumhole ♪

♪ Man ♪

I thought I'd really really messed up.

- Are you sure that you're okay?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

- We're good. [CHUCKLES]
- [MEGAN] I'm not really surprised.

[GREGOR] I mean, he's punching, but...

[SIGHS]

Okay. Time to re-merge.

No. Maybe I want to date Carrie.

- Huh?
- What?

I've never said anything,

but Carrie's given me
the perfect opportunity.

I'm straight.

[ADE GASPS]

[GASPING]

Kash fingered me.

I can't believe it's taken us this long.

It's finally just the two of us.

- And sex.
- [CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

[OBJECT THUDS, ROLLS]

- [JEN] What the f*ck?
- [GUEST] Where did that bed come from?

Oh, my God!

[GUEST] Uh, um...

How could this possibly have happened?

How inappropriate!

I want to apologise for Jen's behaviour.

- Is that Daddy? What's Daddy doing?
- He's just having a little lie-down.

[BREATHING HEAVILY] I have tried
and tried to make this work,

but I think Jen has just proven
what we've all been thinking.

We can't coexist.

- Rob, you're gonna have to choose.
- Choose what?

- [NORA] Do the right thing and decide.
- [CHRIS] See that?

- It's me and Alfie...
- [CHRIS, ALFIE SPEAK INDISTINCTLY]

- ... or Jen.
- Oh, finally. I'm so tired.

- Go on, Jizz. Tell her.
- Like he even has to think about it.

I have to think about it.

- What?
- What?

[SCOFFS] I'm not straight.

Well, maybe, one in a million of you is.

And he's in love with Carrie.

Oh, God. Uh...

[STAMMERING] What do I, uh...

[STUTTERING]

If I date you, then you'll be...
But then you'll be s... Clark.

So sorry. Clarks. Sorry.

Kash, oh, uh... And I've already...
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. [GROANS]

Uh, someone tell me what to
do. Kash, what's best for you?

Carrie, you are the least
selfish person I've ever met.

- Thank you.
- That's not a compliment.

- No.
- [CARRIE] Oh.

You can't live your
life for other people.

I mean, everything you've done today

is 'cause you were terrified
what someone else was gonna think.

Got to be more selfish.

Tell us how Carrie feels!

- About all of this.
- [ADE] Yeah.

Why don't you take the mic?

Use your voice. Live your truth.

Oh, no, wait...

Don't... Don't smell it.

[DISTORTED] Honestly...

- Ooh.
- Uh, sometimes it gets stuck like that.

Just ignore it.

[MIC CRACKLES]

[SIGHS]

[TITTERS]

[DISTORTED] We broke up,
but we still live together.

And work together, which I don't...

[BOTH GROAN]

[DISTORTED] I don't particularly love,

and then I asked you to set
me up with my work crush.

And you end up dating him instead.

- [GASPS]
- [MEGAN] Hmm.

- [DISTORTED] And it's, like, hello!
- [KASH GROANS]

[DISTORTED] That's a bit effed up,
actually. And I'm not okay with it.

Not because you're both boys,

- but because we've only just broken up...
- No, no.

... and you're already getting
serious with someone else

like we didn't even mean
anything to each other,

like it's easy, and I don't like it.

- I just... I just don't like it.
- Yes.

[DISTORTED] And I want you to pay
me back for rent since we moved in.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's enough for one day.

Thank you. Thank you.

- Whoo!
- [CARRIE] Aw.

Well, uh, do you want to go out?

No.

I'm sorry.

I need to focus on myself.

- [SIGHS]
- What are we gonna do with straight Clark?

Oh, I'm not straight. No. Ew.

I just wanted to go to a
nice restaurant or something.

You only ever get me to do chores
or take shifts or FaceTime Mum or...

- Hey.
- [SIGHS]

Drama queen. [CHUCKLES]

There's nothing to even think about.

Look, I'll make the decision for you.

Me. There, done, now let's go.

Look, if it was just you
or Nora, it'd be simple,

but a kid needs their dad.

You do, and you're big.

But I've blindly trusted you
so far, and it's worked out.

So, if you tell me to pick you, I will.

- [SIGHS]
- You're a good owner.

You're not my pet anymore.

It's up to you.

- It's up to me.
- [SCOFFS]

Oh, no. It's up to me.

How do I decide? I can't
decide. Oh, it's too hard.

I hate agency. I don't
want it. Take it back.

[RANDALL] f*cking free will.

- Does your nut in, doesn't it?
- What are you?

[STAMMERS] Human piñata.

Kids love it.

We're kind of in the middle
of a private conversation here.

We had the same problem, me and the ex,

when we broke up a few years back.

We couldn't figure out
who should take the dog.

So we let the dog decide,
and, um... [INHALES DEEPLY]

... they pick right.

Animal instinct. f*cking infallible.

["GET LOUD" PLAYING]

[RANDALL SIGHS]

♪ We got nothing to lose ♪
♪ We got nothing to lose ♪

[MUSIC STOPS]

[SIGHS] Whatever happens,

I have to admit I've come to
respect you as a worthy adversary.

- Really?
- No.

The idea of being beaten by you

is the most humiliating
thing I could imagine.

- Psst, psst, psst. Psst, psst, psst.
- Hey, don't. That's cheating.

- Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst, psst.
- [STAMMERS, BABBLING]

Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst.

- [BABBLING]
- Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst.

[BOTH BABBLING]

[GUESTS SCREAMING]

- [JEN, JIZZLORD GRUNT]
- [GUESTS GASP]

Jen?

[BABY CRYING]

["HOW I GET MYSELF k*lled" PLAYING]

You're home.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

♪ This is probably ♪
♪ How I get myself k*lled ♪

I know we don't have a session, but...

Come in.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[SIGHS]

[DOOR OPENS]

[ALFIE] Mummy doesn't
like that I'm ginger.

She says it doesn't
fit her "anaesthetic".

[MUSIC FADES]

What's the point in
doing the right thing

if you don't get rewarded for it?

It's bullshit.

The act of doing the right thing
is, in and of itself, the reward.

No, I can't do it. It is
bullshit actually, isn't it?

I really thought he'd pick me.

[RAIN PATTERING]

Can you imagine some really nice Scotch?

- [KIDS] Harder! Harder!
- [GRUNTING]

- [KIDS] Harder!
- [GRUNTS]

[KIDS CHEER]

Yeah, yay. [EXHALES DEEPLY]

Cheer up, silly.

- We're a family again. [CHUCKLES]
- I miss Jen.

If it helps, we can
pretend that she's d*ed.

[STAMMERS] Sorry. Um,
you're very tall and shiny,

but I don't really like anyone but Jen.

[SCOFFS] Oh, he's joking.

[CHUCKLES] So cute.

[NORA] You do like me. You
picked me because you like me.

Uh, okay. Um, I wa...
I wasn't clear enough.

I'm not attracted to you.

[NORA] Oh, I think he's
just disorientated.

Don't [BLEEP]ing embarrass me.

[GUEST GASPS]

Are you all right, Nora?

Sorry. [LAUGHS]

I'm joking. [LAUGHS]

We are such jokers. [CHUCKLING]

- I don't get it.
- [SIGHS]

[SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS] I actually needed this.

[SIGHS] I spent most of the
day with this one client,

the most boring man in the
world. I'm not sh1tting you.

The inside of his head
is a perfect replica

of the set of the Top Gear studio.

[CHUCKLES] At least not so messy though.

Oh, better messy than boring.

[SIGHS] I think you're the first client

I'd willingly spend time
with in the outside world.

It's not that chaotic.

Look, we're making progress.

Here.

Here's my personal number.

If you ever wanna talk
about anything, just call me.

- Probably just text.
- Jesus Christ.

- Why can't you people speak on a phone?
- [CHUCKLES]

I'm-I'm confused. [STAMMERS] Are
you two back together sexwise?

- Yes.
- No. Huh?

I'm only here for Alfie.

- [STAMMERS] A kid needs his dad.
- That's what I've always said.

[JIZZLORD] But I guess, when
he's 18, I can go back to Jen.

- [HIGH-PITCHED SOUND]
- He's seven now, so that's...

[SOUND STOPS]

Oh, no.

Shut up, Chris!

[GUEST GASPS]

He didn't say anything.

- We should tell him.
- [GROANS]

The night you
disappeared, you caught us.

- In your bed.
- [GASPS]

- [BLEEP]ing and [BLEEP]ing.
- [GUESTS GASP]

[STAMMERING] We thought
that's why you left,

but I-I-I guess it must've,
like, triggered your power.

You didn't abandon anyone, but
you just... [BREATHES SHAKILY]

... you got cucked so
hard, you turned into a cat.

[BREATHES SHAKILY]
It's a tale as old as time.

So Alfie is...

not mine.

[SCOFFS] He's lying.

- [CHUCKLES] Alfie isn't his...
- He is!

- Prove it.
- [STAMMERS] You dye his hair!

- You do. He's really ginger.
- That proves nothing.

[CHUCKLES] Chris isn't ginger.

- Aren't I?
- [GUESTS GASP]

[GUEST] Oh!

[CHRIS BREATHES SHAKILY]

- [SIGHS]
- [CHRIS] I started dyeing it at uni

so the horrific bullying would stop.

[CHUCKLES]

[NORA] Silly boys.
[GASPS] Let's do the cake!

It's organic tonka bean!

[GUEST] Does she know
his penis is still out?

[NORA] Come on, everybody!

Oh, what are you all looking
at, you gawking [BLEEP]?

- [GUESTS GASP]
- [NORA] Oh, no. She's not perfect.

- [GUEST] Nora.
- She's not [BLEEP] perfect!

Well, no [BLEEP] you, [BLEEP]ing morons!

You want madeleines?

I'll give you [BLEEP] madeleines!

[CHUCKLES]

- [GUESTS SCREAMING]
- [CHRIS] Whoa!

[GUESTS, CHRIS SCREAMING]

[CHRIS GRUNTS]

[SIGHS] I get up at 4:00 a.m.

I haven't eaten sugar in 15 years,

and this is the thanks I get?

[GUEST] Oh, not the cake, Nora.

[NORA MOANS]

Oh, [BLEEP]ing Christ. That's good.

[BREATHES SHAKILY] This, um,
might be a lot to take in,

but I've wanted to tell
you this for so long.

Oh, my God.

Oh, go on, judge me,
you uptight [BLEEP].

- [SCOFFS]
- I've always hated you.

[GUEST] Nora...

I've always hated all of you.

I'm your real dad.

- And I love you so, so much.
- [NORA] You can all suck my [BLEEP]!

Get out.

Get out of my house, [BLEEP].

Get out!

Do you have any games on your phone?

[NORA] Oh, go on. Take
a picture, [BLEEP]!

I'll give you my best angle!

- Yes. [SIGHS]
- [NORA] That's right. It's my [BLEEP]!

Yeah.

[KASH, JIZZLORD, CARRIE
BABBLING, SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

- [KASH] She's here.
- [CARRIE] She's here.

[ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

- [JIZZLORD] She's coming.
- [KASH, CARRIE EXCLAIM, GIGGLE]

[JIZZLORD] Jen, I'm free!

- [CHEERS]
- The kid isn't his.

My best friend and my
wife are having an affair,

and I was deeply, deeply unhappy.

Isn't that great?

Now there's nothing
that can come between us.

[BREATHES SHAKILY] Oh.

[CHUCKLES, BREATHES SHAKILY]

What did you do?

Is it normal that when
things go wrong in your life,

you just wanna go all
in and ruin everything?

[SIGHS] Pretty much.

In for a penny. [SCOFFS]

["CONNECTION" PLAYING]

♪ Riding on any wave ♪
♪ That is the luck you crave ♪

♪ They don't believe it now ♪

[MUSIC STOPS]

Mum?

Can I go back to the party now?

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

♪ Riding on anything ♪
♪ Anything's good enough ♪

♪ Who would've thought it of ♪
♪ Someone like you? ♪

♪ Just as they brought me round ♪
♪ Now that they brought you down ♪

♪ Roundabout and roundabout ♪
♪ Who wants a life anyway? ♪