03x10 - How to Succeed in Business

[bunniefuu]

ADULT MARK [V.O.]:
The Newfoundland government

tried hard to diversify away
from the failing fishery,

but each business was a
bigger disaster than the last.

THE PREMIER: When we
opened the rubber boot factory,

they laughed.

When invested in hydroponic
cucumbers, they laughed.

Well, nobody's laughing today.

I've got a good feeling about this one.

As our province invests $1.5 million

into the Sea Plus juice factory!

ADULT MARK [V.O.]:
The worst was yet to come.

Canadian orange juice.

THE PREMIER: I hereby declare it...

- [SCISSORS SNIP]
- Open for business!

ADULT MARK [V.O.]:
To win over the locals,

they hired the most
trusted man in St. John's...

And now, some words from
the Sea Plus spokesman.

ADULT MARK [V.O.]: My dad!

MIKE SR: Thank you, Premier.

Sea Plus orange juice
puts the vitamin "sea"

into orange juice.

That's "sea" spelled
"s-e-a," not "c" spelled "c."

Newfoundland is set to become

the Florida of the North Atlantic!

MAN: Yeah, b'y!

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]

And now are there any questions?

FOX: Are there even real oranges in it?

Uh, yes, Fox.

Uh, there are trace
amounts in every vat.

Now, as I was saying...

But you can't grow
oranges in Newfoundland.

Well, no, it, it...

We use concentrate, which
is the best part of the orange.

And that comes straight from Florida.

And then we mix that with
fresh Newfoundland water.

And that's water that
icebergs have melted into!

Salt water?

No. No, uh...

Newfoundland municipal water.

Okay, so...

Tap water?

No comment.

Enough!

Fox.

We are here to learn about business.

You'll each be starting one of your own

for the new enterprise education course.

And your business
plans are due tomorrow.

Can we do it in pairs, Sister?

I don't... care.

Nice!

[APPLAUSE]

MARK: Thank you.

MAN: [BACKGROUND] Eugh!

Well, kids?

What do you think?

You can really taste the water.

Good.

That's good.

ADULT MARK [V.O.]: Everyone hated it,

but I couldn't be prouder.

My dad was an entrepreneur,

and I wanted to be just like him!

But... successful.

ADULT MARK [V.O.]: The old
man was excited for his new gig.

He had a pep in his step...

Probably from all the corn syrup.

Our ship's come in, Mary.

We're in on the ground floor!

POP: Ugh...

I'd rather have scurvy.

Oh, this is it!

This is it! Volume, volume!

ANCHOR: [TV]The Premier
attended the grand opening

of the Sea Plus juice plant today.

The zest has yet to come!

ANCHOR: But not everyone
believes the deal is fruitful.

The government shouldn't be
giving away anymore tax money

to these fly-by-night companies.

I give Sea Plus a C-minus.

The Premier is being a juice arse.

That's it? They twisted it all up!

Well, you can't trust a
newsman. [SCOFFS]

MARY: I think you looked handsome.

But, honey, are you sure that
the station's alright with this?

It's fine, it's fine. Just listen.

ANCHOR: Now, today is the day!

Double Daylight Savings time

begins in Newfoundland at midnight.

What's that mean?

They're turning the
clock back two hours!

We'll be lined up with the mainland.

No more lagging behind a half an hour.

This is better for business.

Y'know, but our own time
zone makes us unique.

Besides the fact that that extra
half an hour comes in handy.

Imagine if they drop the b*mb.

"The world will end at 12 o'clock...



It'd be damn good for tourism.

Now, when it's 9 o'clock
in Toronto, it's... 9, 10...



We need to get with
the times. Literally!

Cool. Like "Back to the Future."

You'll be going to school in the dark

and going to bed in the light.

Double Daylight Savings
is good for business.

I'm with Dad.

"Big ideas equals big returns."

- Hm.
- What does that mean?

I dunno.

I've just started reading
this business book for school.

Let me see it.

"Thinking big allows
you to be successful

without doing a lot of work."

I don't think you're gonna
get very far acting that way.

ADULT MARK [V.O.]: Not doing any work

might take more work than I thought.

The next morning
wasn't a morning at all.

It was still night!

[TOASTER DINGS]

- Alright, I'm off.
- MIKE SR: Wait!

Hang on, now, hang on... here!

Take some Sea Plus orange juice boxes

into school for your friends. Look...

Did you come up with
your business idea yet?

Oh, not yet.

The book says I have to make a product

that will fill a void in the market.

Thinking like a businessman.

Just like your old man!

MARY: Speaking of markets,

I saw a lot of Sea Plus
over at Coleman's yesterday.

On the shelves, but not in any carts.

POP: I mean, you can't even grow
Christmas trees in Newfoundland.

How the hell are they
gonna grow oranges?

It's from concentrate, Pop.

We import the syrup
on trucks, and then we...

Rehydrate it.

Instant orange juice?

I think I'll stick to instant coffee.

And if you want to make
money in these hours,

that's what you should
be selling... coffee!

ADULT MARK [V.O.]: Coffee...

My brain was percolating!

Thanks, Pop!

Huh, what? What?

You know, you should all be
more supportive of Sea Plus

and double daylight savings time!

Good Newfoundlanders support
good Newfoundland business!

And we should we be inconvenienced

just so some rich arse can get richer?

Nobody is being inconvenienced!

I gotta go to work.

♪

[LOUD SNORING]

Sister!

Oh, that's it!

There have been too many disruptions.

Everyone put their heads
down on their desks...

Now!

And stay there until I...

Say so.

[SNORING RESUMES]

[IN A WHISPER] Ritche...

I have a plan.

Coffee!

We'll sell it to teachers
for 50 cents a cup!

Double Daylight Savings
has created a demand,

and we're the supply.

- How did you afford this?
- Well, it's a rental.

So as long as we make
more than the fee, it's all gravy.

And we'll set it up outside
of the teachers' lounge.

"Location, location, location."

That's lesson one of the business book.

So now I just need
to find the "On" switch

and where to put the coffee. Um...

Well...

This is the hopper.

There's the grinder.

Grind settings...

Uh, my dad brews at a 1:17
grounds-to-water ratio,

but I prefer 1:15.

Makes for a fuller cup.

I'm more of a tea man, myself.

Y'know... bag in.

New plan!

Uh, the book says to always
play to one's strengths, so...

I can do big-picture stuff like
marketing, finances, et cetera.

I should be CEO.

What should I be?

You're in charge of the quality control,

providing top-tier service with
a friendly face with each cup.

So... waiter?

No!

More like a...

Brew master.

Cool!

So, what do you say, Ritche, my boy?

Are we in business?

I'm in!

Fantastic.

Okay!

♪

Beautiful.

Mmm...

Oh!

Ugh...

[SIGHS]

Oh!

Frig sake!

[SIGHS]

Oh, will ya look at that?

Takes the grime right off!

ADULT MARK [V.O.]:
Double Daylight Savings

was ruining everyone.

And we were cashing in!

How much did we make?

Eighteen bucks!

We're rich.

ADULT MARK [V.O.]:
Maybe business was my calling...

I'm in the 1%.

Like milk.

But that's not my drink of choice.

No, it's coffee.

But I'm thirsty.

I want more to drink.

'Cause greed is good.

[PHONE RINGING]

'Scuse me.

Hello, Allison?

Buy Sea Plus juice...

And fire everyone.

Including yourself.

RITCHE: I'm wiped.

Can you help me clean up?

Sorry, Ritche, m'boy,
but I have a bus to catch,

and then I gotta go home
and then do the books...

CEO stuff.

It's a tough gig, but
someone's gotta do it.

MR. CHAFE: You fellas still open?

I'm dying for a cup.

RITCHE: Actually, we
were just closing up.

Nonsense! Ritche, brew the man a cup.

No, that's wasting a full pot.

He's our best customer!

Two cream. Two sugar.

And that's on the house!

That's our Double
Daylight Savings special.

MR. CHAFE: Wow.

MARK: See ya later, partner.

How's the juice selling?

Uh, sales are... steady.

Mike...

It'll sell, Mary.

Soon Sea Plus juice is
gonna be as Newfoundland

as fish and chips.

Trust me.

Our ship has come in!

I just don't see it, Mike.

And...

The fact that you're out
there as the face of it, ah...

I just don't want you to
be embarrassed, is all.

Embarrassed?

Sea Plus chose me as their spokesman

because people trust me, Mary.

Maybe you should too.

Goodnight!

Fine!

[SIGHS]

Good morning!

♪

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

POP: Oh...

Bloody birds!

Shut up!

This can't be right.

Pop...

I'm in the hole!

ADULT MARK [V.O.]: Rental
fees, free coffee for teachers,

coffee bags, the "protection
fee" I payed Fox's brother...

It all added up...

To nothing!

Allison, what is going on?

They're... taking everything!

You can't take that!

No!

What...

At least they didn't take...

Oh, the painting!

[DRAMATIC 1980'S STYLE MUSIC]

ADULT MARK [V.O.]:
I needed to think of a plan,

even if it meant staying up all night...

Or day.

- [BIRDS CHIRPING]
- POP: Alright, that's it!

Let's see how they chirp with
my hands around their throats!

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS]

[LOUD YAWN]

Good morning, Ritche
m'boy! How's the take?

Maybe you can take
the early shift tomorrow?

I-I'd love to, truthfully.

But, uh... I get the bus
and you get dropped off,

so it makes business
sense for you to be here.

That's true, I guess.

And speaking of business,
we're changing our prices.

From now on, we're gonna
charge for cream and sugar

and we're gonna use
half the grinds per pot.

No, the coffee will taste weak.

Nothing some clever
marketing can't solve...

See?

Wait... I thought I was
in charge of the coffee.

You are. It's just...

I'm in charge of the bottom line,

and these streamline movements,

well, they will just maximize profits.

Oh, and stop pouring out the
coffee at the end of the day.

That's like... pouring
money down the toilet!

We should just reheat
what we don't sell today

in the kettle tomorrow morning.

Nobody will know the difference.

Is something wrong?

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

No. Just...

We're k*lling it.

Okay.

Just include me in
the decisions next time.

We're partners, right?

Oh...

Of course we are!

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

Well, I'll see you in class, partner!

[ALARM CLOCK RINGING]

[ELEVATOR-STYLE MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

Morning, Mary.

So, uh...

What's for breakfast?

It's 2 in the afternoon!

Not for me, it's not.

It's 8 am, PST, Pop Standard Time.

If they can change the time, so can I.

I've got my own time zone: Pop Time.

I sleep when I like, eat
when I like, and pee when...

Well, you get the drift.

I won't have two timezones in my house.

Why not?

I'm not going to make
two breakfasts a day!

I don't like Double Daylight
any more than you do,

but we are a family and we
will be miserable together.

Oh, really?

Well, you're a fine one to talk.

What's that supposed to mean?

Come on, let's be honest.

You've been against
Mike's orange juice thing

from the very beginning.

He's making a fool of himself.

He's taking a risk.

And he's probably scared.

He could use some support.

If he wants some
support, he can buy a cane!

I'm not gonna help
him ruin his good name.

MIKE SR: [RADIO]And now
a word from Sea Plus juice!

Call in and let us know what
you think about Sea Plus juice,

and you could win a box
delivered right to your door!

Phone lines are open!

[SILENCE]

Uh, the lines are open.

Who wants some free Sea Plus?

Uh, why don't you
get the ball rollin', d*ck?

Tell us what you think about Sea Plus.

Um, well...

I guess I always hear people
saying it's "from concentrate,"

and I wondered...

What "concentrate" means, exactly.

Uh, it means that the
orange taste is, uh,

concentrated. Made
stronger, if you will.

Oh!

So "concentrate" isn't a place, then?

Like it's "from" concentrate?

No, d*ck. No.

d*ck: People never want a
slice of orange in their drink.

Lemon's got a real
hold on slices, don't it?

Oh, for frig's sake!

MIKE SR: Alright, moving right along.

d*ck: Limes too, I suppose.

Though, a lime is just, like,

a lemon that isn't
ripe yet, right, Mike?

Oh, uh, we... we have a caller!

Line one, you're on the air.

MARY: I'm a mother, and I
buy Sea Plus for my family

because it's made with
real Newfoundland water.

That's right, caller!

Uh, Sea Plus juice is made
with fresh Newfoundland water.

[DOOR OPENS]

Uh, we'll be right back after this!

Mike...

You can't be using the station
to hock Sea Plus juice anymore.

It's a conflict of interest.

No, no, Mr. Murphy,
I don't see it that way.

You see, this is news.

Now, the province made
a major investment...

MR. MURPHY: Mike, Mike...

Did ya ever stop to
think, maybe, just maybe,

they hired you to be their spokesman

so they could get free airtime?

No more, Mike.

No more.

[DOOR SHUTS]

♪

This coffee is barely brown.

It's our new "half-caff" blend.

I've got lipstick on my cup.

We reuse cups now.

It's part of our new
"environment-first" initiative.

I ordered a double-double.

That's 50 cents.

Cream's a quarter now.

I'll go boil the kettle.

MARK: Uh... What are you doing?!

I'm doing what you said!

No, we have to cut
back slowly over time!

Didn't you read the book?

No, I don't care about your stupid book!

This is supposed to be fun!

Business isn't fun!

It's about making money!

Fine.

You wanna make more money?

This is one less
employee you have to pay.

- What do you mean?
- I quit!

Partner.

♪

[MARK CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

[FRONT DOOR SHUTS]

[MIKE SR. SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

Mike?

What's wrong?

I got fired.

[SPOON DROPS]

Why?

'Cause you were hocking that juice?

What? No, not from the station.

From Sea Plus.

Oh, thank heavens!

Uh...

I mean, I'm sorry, love.

Mr. Murphy told me I'm
not allowed to talk about it

on the air anymore,
and when I told the crowd

at the juice plant, they said I was...

"Redundant."

What?!

Hiring you was the only good decision

those packin' fools ever made!

I got caught up in
the excitement, is all.

I just wanted to make you proud of me.

Proud of you?

You're kind, smart,

loyal, hardworking.

Oh, those Sea Plus
people don't deserve you.

I deserve you.

I love you.

Our ship will come in one day, Mary.

I promise.

Mine already has.

What? When?

You, ya dolt! You're my ship.

I know that juice isn't any good.

Oh... !

That's not true.

Hm?

It's good for something.

Look...

♪

Cuts through grease.

- Oh.
- Yeah!

Okay...

Uh... one sec.

Ahh!

Here you are, sir.

But there's grounds in my cup.

Colombian grounds.

No, it's just like drinking
tea with the bag in!

Just a... torn bag.

Hey.

Burnt your hand on the heating element?

Repeatedly.

Good.

I deserve that.

I got a little crazy there, didn't I?

Guess I got caught up
trying to be like... Dad.

Turns out neither of us are
that great at business, I guess.

Money isn't everything.

But aren't you tired of lending
me fish and chip money,

or splitting a slushie two ways?

That's what friends do.

Start over?

But from here on out,
we're fully partners.

We'll do all the work together, equally.

I mean, what's the point of having money

if you don't have
anyone to spend it with?

Okay.

Partners.

Ahh! Ah, that smarts.

I know.

Well, let's get to work...

Partner.

ADULT MARK [V.O.]:
Friendship is like money:

Easier made than kept.

Doubling your money is
great, but splitting it is better.

Mark and Ritche made... oh!

$58.00 selling coffee!

And Fox made...

$164.00?

Fifty-fifty draw.

Kids thought that that was
their odds of winning, and...

I just didn't correct 'em.

[LAUGHTER]

ADULT MARK [V.O.]: Money is easy come...

After months of lacklustre sales,

the Sea Plus juice factory is no more.

ADULT MARK [V.O.]: Easy go.

But no matter how dark it gets,

the sun's always shining somewhere.

ANCHOR: [TV]And, due to public outcry,

the government has cancelled
Double Daylight Savings time.

The clocks go back to normal tonight.

ADULT MARK [V.O.]:
The thing you need to be

most careful about spending...

Ah, Lord...

I can't sleep!

It's too damn dark!

Ah... heh!

That's better.

Goodnight.

Night, Pop.

ADULT MARK [V.O.]: ... Is time.

♪

♪

♪