♪ I'm Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse ♪
(Hooves clicking) ♪ He can dance, he can dance
♪ Just shine that spotlight on me ♪
♪ Every show must have a star ♪
♪ He can dance, he can dance
♪ He can dance he can dance ♪
♪
♪ When the lights go down
♪ I'm ready to perform
♪ This is my home upon the stage ♪
♪ I'll dance for you
♪ And we'll perform for you, too ♪
♪ I'm Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse ♪
♪ He can dance, he can dance he can dance, yeah ♪
EDDYGee, Jack,
you sure have a lot of junk in this place.
Junk?
Those are my memories you're talking about, Eddy.
Wow.
(Blowing breath)
You never told me you played football.
Well, nothing worth telling, really.
It was a long time ago.
Can we go toss the ball around? Huh, can we?
Uh, sure, Eddy. Let's go.
It's been a while, all right.
(Sighing)
Yeah! Woo-hoo!
This is great. Now, I can't chase you, Eddy.
I've got a bum knee.
(Gasping)
But I've got four good knees, so watch out, kiddo.
Got room for a tap-dancing tackler in this game?
You can play football, Marvin?
Sure.
Didn't you ever see my movie The Punting Pinto?
EDDYWow, can you ever kick.
Like a mule, Eddy. Like a mule.
Sensational. Yeah.
EDDYI got it, I got it.
JACKGood hustle.
(Panting)
(Grunting)
So, Fast-Talking Jack
is putting together a football team?
We better go tell the boss.
Right. Shh.
Tippy toes.
(Snickering)
Oof! Ow.
Football sure is a swell game, huh?
You bet.
And it's even better when you're on a team and playing--
LYMANUnless you mess up and let the whole team down, right, Jack?
Why don't you tell them about
the time you lost the championship?
That's ancient history, Lyman.
Let's have a history lesson, then, okay?
You see, Jack was the high school team's quarterback.
(Crowd cheering, referee blowing whistle)
(Rain pattering)
On the last play of the championship game,
Jack had the ball.
(Grunting)
(Gasping)
(Grunting)
(Blowing whistle)
But Jack fumbled, right to me.
(Crowd booing)
Which makes Jack a big...
...loser.
(Snickering)
Jack's no loser.
Yeah.
He's forgotten more about football than you'll ever know.
Oh, well, I guess you boys would be up for
a game against my clowns?
You're on.
We'll see who's the best coachJack or me.
Anytime.
Next Sunday.
Come on, we got a ball game to get ready for.
CLOWNNo, no, not like that. Bounce it-- Yeah, that's it.
That's it. Look out. Hey, I think I got four.
How about this ball game, boss?
You bounce it and then you try to--
Hey!
Aw. No, no, no.
(Groaning)
LYMANArgh!
I guess we told them.
Right. So what's our first move, coach?
Jack?
(Knocking on door)
Hey, Jack, we've been looking all over for you.
Uh, I've been thinking.
Maybe you should get somebody else to coach you.
Is this just because you lost that game all those years ago?
It wasn't that we lost.
I let my teammates down.
And I don't want to let you down, too.
You'll only let us down
if you don't give it the old carnival try.
(Sighing)
You're right, Marvin. Let's do it.
Go see who else wants to play.
I've got some planning to do.
Football?
Count me in. I'll go get my stuff.
Can I be a cheerleader?
♪ Chase them down a hall chase them up a wall ♪
♪ Come on, Jack's team let's play ball ♪
Whoa!
(Marvin's teeth chattering)
That's the spirit.
(Elizabeth wailing)
What's the matter, Elizabeth?
No one has asked me to play.
JACKThink quick, Elizabeth.
Nobody has better hands than a juggler.
Ready to play some ball?
Oh, yes.
STRIPESI'm all set, too.
EDDYHuh?
You can't play football in that get-up.
STRIPESPlay? I'm play-by-play.
Their backs are against the wall.
There's no tomorrow.
Ooh, that's got to hurt!
(Mic feeding back, screaming)
(Chuckling sheepishly)
Okay.
Knees high through the tires.
Ooh.
(Grunting)
♪
ELIZABETHOoh.
Ooh!
Maybe we should get you a new helmet.
No way. I want to wear yours.
Well, let's hope there's some luck left in it, Eddy, my boy.
(Giggling)
Where is everybody?
Give me that ball. Come on, get back here.
Ugh!
BIGFOOTGee, boss, do you have any round footballs?
This one bounces funny.
We stink.
We can't learn this game fast enough
to b*at Jack's team.
Hogwash.
You clowns already know everything you need to win.
We do?
Sure.
You know how to cheat, fleece, lie and bamboozle, don't you?
Yeah, right. (Cackling)
Well, when you play for Lyman Slime,
that's all you need to know.
STRIPESLadies, gentlemen, children of all ages,
welcome to the Carnival Bowl.
(Brass band playing)
Here comes Fast-Talking Jack's Carnival All-Stars.
And there are The Slime Clowns.
(Crowd booing)
(Taunting) Yeah, yeah!
Well, that says it all, folks.
BIGFOOTHeads.
Heads it is. You guys have to kick.
MARVINHey.
It's a two-headed coin! They cheated.
Look, Lyman will try anything to win.
But we've got a secret w*apon.
We do? Yep.
We're a team and we look out for each other.
Now, go get 'em!
Yeah! Yeah!
(Referee blowing whistle)
And have fun.
WHEELSHut, hut.
EDDYGot you.
Hey.
WHEELSHello?
We're over here.
We win.
STRIPESAnd it's a clown touchdown.
(Crowd booing)
Hard to believe, isn't it?
Charge! Charge!
Oof!
(Elizabeth gasping)
(Elizabeth humming)
Whoa.
(Thudding)
(Cheering and applause)
Yay, Elizabeth!
Touchdown!
Touchdown. Yeah.
Oh, boy.
(Cheering)
Whoa!
Oof.
(Audience members laughing)
Charge!
Like a mule, Marvin.
Ooh.
Well, I wonder how they'll get down from there, sports fans?
♪ Lyman stinks Lyman's lame ♪
♪ Jack's team will win the game ♪
♪ Go All-Stars
(Thudding)
Whoa! Oof.
(Crowd cheering)
Jack's All-Stars are down by a touchdown
with only seconds left.
We've got one last chance, Eddy. You're it.
Me?
Yep.
We're going to try a quarterback sneak.
Uh--
What's the matter, Eddy?
Well, it's all up to me now.
If I fumble I'll let the team down,
and when you fumbled, you quit.
I don't want to have to quit too.
If we stop them here we win.
Now, you clowns concentrate on the horse and the pig.
What about the kid?
Jack won't let him carry the ball.
How come, boss?
Because that's how Jack lost the big game last time.
CLOWNSOh.
Look, Eddy, I didn't let my team down by fumbling.
I let myself down by quitting.
We're in this together, Eddy.
Win or lose, we're a team.
What do you say?
Okay, Marvin.
Let's do it.
And here we go
with the All-Stars' last play of the game.
Game's over for you. (Cackling)
You're not going anywhere, Marvin.
But you are.
Whoa!
(Panting)
Whoa!
That's grabbing the old pigskin.
Oops, sorry, Elizabeth.
LYMANGood work, boys.
Hey, where's the ball?
Don't count your trophies till they're on your shelf.
Look.
Eddy's at the ,
the , the --
Yeah!
Touchdown!
Jack's team wins.
(Cheering and applause)
All right! Yay, Eddy.
MARVINWay to go, Eddy.
Fantastic!
I couldn't have done it without you guys.
So, the old quarterback sneak, huh?
This team is full of surprises. Here, Lyman.
Huh? You keep the game ball.
But we lost.
Exactly. The way you clowns play,
you'll need the ball to practise for next year.
Hey, Jack, I thought you had a bad knee.
Well, it feels pretty good today.
Maybe next year, I'll play, too.
ALLHooray! Yippee!
(Birds chirping)
(Someone playing a scratchy, out-of-tune fiddle)
Oh!
Ugh! Oh, dear.
Oh, my.
(Dissonant notes being plunked on a piano)
Hmm.
(Horns blaring randomly)
Ugh!
Oh, what is making that noise?
(Cacophony continues)
Did you hear it, too, Marvin?
What is it?
It's coming from in there.
(Tuba playing random notes)
Hey.
It's some kind of machine.
And it's eating Eddy.
Eddy! Hey, let him go.
DIAMONDSOh, my goodness.
What's the matter?
What are you hollering about?
We thought that, uh-- Never mind.
Jack found it in the garbage dump and asked me to fix it.
STRIPESBut what is it?
It's a karaoke machine.
Wow. Lovely. Oh!
Karaoke? Oh, that's just great.
Of all the loud, obnoxious and annoying inventions
in the whole world, the karaoke machine
is the loudest, most obnoxious
and mostest annoying of all.
"Mostest"?
(Growling)
Can we give it a try?
Sure. Here's a list of the songs.
Just pick one and punch it in here.
Jack should have left that thing where it belongsin the dump.
ELIZABETHI know the words to this one.
(Dull thudding sound)
♪ Way down upon the Swanee River ♪
♪ Far, far away
♪ That's where my heart is turning ever ♪
♪ That's where the old folks stay ♪
♪ All up and down the whole creation ♪
♪ Sadly I roam
♪ Still longing for the old plantation ♪
♪ And for the old folks at home ♪
(Applauding)
What's all the caterwauling about?
What's that thing?
It's a karaoke machine.
Hmm.
Why don't you give it a go, Edna?
Oh, I don't know.
I come from a very un-musical family.
Ah, go on, Edna. You might be good.
Oh, all right. Let's see here.
Hmm. Here's one I know.
(Button clicking, machine whirring)
(Out of tune) ♪ Ah, sweet mystery of life
♪ At last I've found thee
♪ Ah, I know at last the secret of it all ♪
♪ All the longing, seeking
♪ Striving waiting, yearning ♪
♪ The burning hopes
♪ The joy and idle tears that fall ♪
(Glass shattering)
EDNAHeavens to Betsy.
Did I do that?
You betcha.
You have a very powerful voice, Edna.
I'd better sweep that up.
You mean I sound okay?
Oh, yes, yes. Very good.
Oh, yes.
Just lovely.
Nobody has a voice quite like yours, Edna.
Hmm.
You know, Jack always said
if I came up with an act he'd let me perform in the big show.
Hoo, boy! My very own act.
I'd better go practise.
Her own act?
Her own singing act?
Maybe she'll get better with practice.
Oh, lots of practice.
(Birds chirping)
(Edna singing out-of-tune arpeggios)
(Screaming)
(Groaning)
(Screaming, thudding)
(Edna's caterwauling continues)
(Edna hitting high note, glass shattering)
Well, good morning, everybody.
Sounds like Edna's up.
Does she have to practise so early?
And so loudly?
And so badly?
(Singing out-of-tune arpeggios)
(Crows cawing)
Howdy, kids.
You're up early.
(Caterwauling continues, glass shattering)
(Sighing)
I'll get the broom.
♪ Life at last I've found thee ♪
(Glass shattering)
♪ I know at last the secret of it all ♪
The practising doesn't seem to be having
any effect on her singing.
The poor dear. And she's trying so hard.
(Glass shattering)
Ugh!
Ugh.
(Edna hitting flat high note)
(Glass shattering)
There goes the house of mirrors.
I think we should have told her the truth about her singing.
Is she really going to sing in the show?
Ah, don't worry, Eddy.
Jack will put the kibosh on that idea.
Oh, that's right. Good old Jack.
Say, Eddy, we got some broken glass out here.
I'll get the broom.
Jack, did Edna tell you about--
Her act? She sure did.
It's going to be terrific.
Terrific?
Oh, yeah. It'll be a real show-stopper.
Yeah. A show-stopper,
a show-ender and a carnival-closer.
(Animals snoring, crickets chirping)
(Owl hooting)
(Birds chirping)
(Sighing)
More broken glass?
Edna has blown out every light bulb in the carnival.
And Jack says she's ready to sing tonight.
Tonight? Oh, no.
Poor Edna.
Oh, Marvin, what should we do?
Something we should have done a long time ago.
Tell her the truth about her singing?
Yep.
We'll get the others and do it all together.
No way. I'm not telling her.
Oh, I couldn't.
We have to. It's because of what we said
that she's going ahead with this.
She'll be humiliated.
But she really, really, really wants to sing.
It's true.
I've never seen her so excited.
All right, all right.
Eddy and I aren't afraid to do the right thing, are we, Eddy?
Uh--
We'll tell her.
(Sighing)
MARVINEdna?
♪ Come in
Hello, boys.
You're just in time to help me pick out my costume.
What do you thinkorange or yellow?
Whoa. Where'd you get all this stuff?
Belonged to my ma.
She used to work in a carnival, too.
She was a snake handler.
(Marvin clearing throat)
Edna, we just came by to--
You can meet Mom tonight.
I invited her to come to my big debut.
She'll be so proud of me.
(Gasping)
Now, what was it you were saying?
We just came by to say knock 'em dead tonight.
Yeah. Knock 'em dead, Edna.
Thanks, boys.
Marvin, Eddy, we're so proud of you two.
You were absolutely right about telling Edna the truth.
I'm so glad you told her.
Well, we didn't actually say--
How do I look, kids?
Wonderful.
Beautiful. Stunning.
Thanks.
Ugh!
Better go and wait for my cue. See you.
You didn't tell her?
She invited her mom.
I wonder which one she is?
I can take a guess.
WOMANWoo-woo! Yeah!
Bring on Edna!
We want Edna.
We have to tell her before it's too late.
MARVINEdna, wait a minute. Hold-- Wait.
What do you want? I've got to go on right away.
Edna, we're really sorry we didn't tell you before
and we don't want you to be embarrassed,
but, uh, well,
you're not really quite good enough to do a singing act.
(Laughing)
Well, no kidding! Duh.
I'm a terrible singer.
You knew all along?
Of course I knew.
Don't you know what my act is?
And now, ladies, gentlemen and children of all ages,
the one, the only,
Edna the glass-breaking sensation!
(Cheering and applause)
Glass-breaking?
Woo-woo, yeah! Yay, Edna.
Woo-woo!
Yay, Edna. All right, woo-woo-woo!
♪ Ah, sweet mystery of life ♪
♪ At last I've found thee
♪ Ah, I know at last
♪ The secret of it all ♪
(Glass shattering)
(Gasping)
(Cheering and applause)
Yay, Edna!
That's my girl. She's a natural.
I'll get the broom.
ELIZABETHOh, good for you, Edna.
MARVINYou were a big hit, Edna.
Yeah, we'll have to add you to the poster.
No, this was just a one-sh*t deal.
If I did that every night,
I'd have no voice left to tell fortunes.
Say, where's Stripes?
♪ I'm called little Buttercup
♪ Dear little Buttercup
♪ Though I could never tell why ♪
♪ But still I'm called Buttercup ♪
♪ Poor little Buttercup
♪ Sweet little Buttercup, I
MARVINBravo!
EDDYYay, Stripes.
MARVINWhat a golden voice.
Oh.
♪