What a sh*t-hole town!
But you could
probably get the whole dang town
for pennies on the dollar.
You know, your father
would say cut your losses.
Eh.
He'd also say fortune
favors the bold.
Well, why don't we
go in and get some libations?
Yeah. Cheer up.
Mm-hm-hm.
Now, what's your
poison, gentlemen?
Diablo serves a mean drink here.
Ooh, what the hell
and tarnation is this?
Hmm?
You expect me to to drink in
the company of that savage?
What kind of
establishment is this?
Hey, this ain't Texas.
Simmer down.
The Injun has to go.
He don't have a reservation!
You heard me, right?
Don't do it.
You heard me.
Chief Little-Turd!
Best to just skedaddle
on outta here
before we skin your hide.
Oh, you people!
Take our land, pretend
that everything is yours.
Oh! You're cursed.
- You k*ll everything you touch.
- Ooh-ooh!
The Creator gave us
dark skin to protect us.
He made you pale and weak
so you burn.
Hmm.
Enjoy.
You know, he does
have a good point!
Why don't you fellas just buy
this man a fresh
drink and apologize?
What th--?
What kind of vermin
are they serving here?
Why don't you take
your aboriginal ass
right on back to Africa?
And you crawl
back to the caves of Europe?
But since that sh*t
ain't gonna happen,
least we can do is be
respectful and apologize.
sh*t fire! You're alive!
We didn't mean no harm.
We're just playing around.
Well, then let's keep it fun.
What's your story, mister?
Well, now, that's
a good question.
You see rich is temporary,
but dumb is forever.
I ain't getting sh*t at over
your ignorance any damn more.
We good?
No, we ain't good.
Huh.
We good now?
Oh yeah, we good now.
Chickenshit coward!
And you! Why
don't you get on your knees
and beg forgiveness
from our native host?
Hmm?
Ah, yeah?
Good G-- Do what he says!
I'll show him!
Grr! Hahaha!
I'm sorry.
For what?
Stealing your land
and k*lling the buffalo--
for the railway!
Happy?
Apology accepted?
All right, now you got
right with him now.
Now you gotta get right with me.
You gotta pay S.T.
S.T.?
Sass tax.
Any obnoxious wrongdoers
get sassy with me,
oh, you gots to pay a sass tax.
You got head lice?
What?
Cuz, mister, you's a
mighty fashionable dandy.
Matter of fact, I do appreciate
your overall panache.
Why don't you take off that hat?
I don't wanna put a hole in it.
Hey, dead man, you better leave
that little flintlock
p*stol alone
'cause you ain't wearing
sh*t that I like.
You really put me in a pickle!
I came in here just
to wet my whistle.
I ain't k*lled nobody
in a month of Sundays.
And then you obnoxious
down-keepers roll in here
and ruin my buzz
Mister, I don't really
know these Southern fellas.
A-and, to tell you the truth,
I-I got nothing against darkies.
You know, two of my best
friends are darkies.
I can't tell one from another.
Tell you what you're gonna
do. We're gonna flip on it.
Got a nice wooden nickel here.
If it comes up with the
red man on it, he decides,
comes up with tails, I decide.
Your fate ironically is now
in the red man's hands.
You can take the whole bottle,
but it ain't gonna help.
I know. I tried.
When I saw you, I
thought I'd seen a ghost.
And I said to myself,
Catfish, you know,
maybe he's a changed man.
I'm gonna need me a horse.
Ain't none,
but the stage coach
leaves in 40 minutes.
Pinkerton's got the
tickets in his left pocket.
Little something
for your troubles.
There's only one
reason you'd let me
and the other fella live,
'cause you don't mind if
Angel knows you're back.
And the only reason
you'll be back is
that the rumors about
the gold is true.
You gonna put on that
waistcoat smelling like a goat?
Don't make me change my mind.
Caliente!
Gracias.
Muchos gracias.
Damn!
Wait!
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
Eight.
Eight what?
Toes.
That's all you gonna have left.
Oh no, I was just trying to
get your attention is all.
Well, you got it!
Listen!
Please, I has a ticket!
But you're late.
You forfeited your seat.
Mary's stagecoach, Mary's rules.
My pardon, ma'am,
but I really need to
get on that stagecoach.
I got two tickets, so
technically I done paid twice.
Well, I got a coach full of
paying and prompt customers.
Well, you can come on
up here and sit with me.
As long as you're willing
to put your firearm
in the lockbox.
So I'm guessing you're Mary.
Stagecoach Mary.
Dodgetown's about six miles up.
Your g*ns loaded?
- No, no you can't!
- I'm gonna get you!
-No, I'm quick like a fox!
-Gonna!
No, no, you can't get me!
-No, you can't get me!
-No, yes I can!
-You can't! I'm quick.
-Hey!
You're dead, Injun!
No, you missed me.
-You missed my head.
-Bang! You're dead!
I can still see you breathing.
Why is it that the
Injuns is always dying?
Because it's my birthday!
Bang!
Margarite!
You need to practice your
birthday recital one more time
before your Uncle Ruru
can take you home.
Him? He's dead.
Oh ho!
Look who it is.
Lookie here.
Oh!
Looks like Margarite sh*t
Uncle Ruru again, huh?
Sure did.
I guess we'll split
his share of the cake.
Yeah, that's right.
No, no.
I want some cake too.
Look!
Get inside.
Go.
Come on. Go. Go.
Sergeant Decker?
No, I'm just a civilian now.
Can we talk inside, sir?
Please?
We have come a long
way to find you.
Oh.
Well, birthday wishes.
Huh?
This stew smells good.
Well...
Oh my.
Are you classically trained?
Mister,
please, state your business.
People call me Angel.
May we sit?
How about a little history?
Part way through the Civil w*r,
some of The South realized
they were gonna lose.
Regardless of your personal
outlook on sl*very,
you must concede it was
admirably profitable, hmm?
250 years of free African labor
helped make America very rich.
But these Southerners knew
that losing the w*r meant
losing their wealth.
Slaves freed,
currency worthless.
So they began hoarding gold
and melting it down into bars.
And just before the w*r ended,
they sent a big
shipment of it out West
and they hid it, safe and sound.
Now, some years later,
I was sent on a
mission to retrieve it
with your father
serving under my command
as Chief Master Sergeant.
Well, we had words
and he disobeyed me,
and I disciplined him.
And in return, he
cut off this hand,
leaving me with
this ball of brass.
And then your
father disappeared,
and miraculously so did my gold.
That's some story, mister.
Look, I don't even know if
my father's alive or dead.
Okay, we weren't exactly
on the best of terms.
Well, family!
Boys!
Get up, boy.
Get off of me!
Willis, please.
Sit down, boy!
And Thomas.
Mmm. Move.
We got two!
Come on, let's go.
Well, greetings.
May I?
Ma'am?
Oh, so soft.
So these beautiful
instruments are yours?
The harp is a loan
from her mother.
The violin is a gift.
Well, that's not
just some fiddle.
Unless I'm mistaken,
that's a Heberlein.
And that harp is a Lyon & Healy.
Are you worthy of that?
Let's see!
Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata"?
Please!
- Move!
- Thank you.
Let me be clear,
you drop one note,
hesitate, or stop,
and one of you dies.
Sh-sh**t me, mister!
I'm sp-spectacular at dying!
No. No!
Please, he doesn't understand!
These people ain't got
nothing to do with this.
Do you know why
they call me Angel?
Because I make
angels wherever I go.
Bravo! Bravo!
And I assume she made
the stew as well?
You're a very fortunate man.
Now you fly away, little birdie.
Your daddy was spotted in a
border town near Mexico, huh?
He's putting together a
team to go after my gold.
You find him and join up.
You keep us informed.
You got one week.
We'll be watching,
and staying just close enough.
You find your daddy and my gold
and you'll get your wife back.
- No, no, no!
- No!
Grab the Heberlein.
- No, no, no.
- No!
Malindy!
The violin, you hayseed!
It's worth more than your house.
You grab her spices and you
learn to cook like that!
I'll do it! Don't take her.
I'll do it!
Angel!
Malindy!
Come back!
No!
Say it.
Yea, "though I walk through
the valley of death,
I shall fear no evil."
Why?
Because I'm the meanest son
of a bitch in this valley.
Son, you can't
tame the Wild West
and keep your gloves clean.
Brigade!
All right, boys, cut
'em loose and burn it down!
Burn it down, boys!
Oh no! Say it ain't so!
Oh Lordy.
Where the hell did that
old heartless bitch,
the queen of hearts, go again?
She's gone.
She disappeared, guys.
Where did she go?
Place your bets. Come on.
Give it to me.
You look like my dog
when he's taking a sh*t.
Place your bets.
Voila!
Thank you.
She probably had
the darkie's card stuck
between her saggy
tatas whole dang time.
And you look like you
had my black king of spades
stuck up your ass
the entire time.
Ah!
No wonder you were grinning.
Think you'd win in a sh**t?
I think you'd win in
a farting contest.
Oops, that's your breath.
Come on!
Let go!
Things are getting a
little spicy in here,
so stick around for more
Spooky's Naughty Magic Show.
Mister, mister,
money has been real tight.
Now, I done told Mr. Johnson
that I'll have his
money by Friday.
Sure as a pig has its pork.
Is that you?
n*gga, I thought you were dead!
Look at you.
Why would y'all wanna
mess with me like that?
What you got on
your face, Spooky?
Man, you know how it is.
Make people laugh
and you could damn near get
away with saying anything.
I almost got them crackers
eating outta my hand.
Is that so?
This here is Southpaw,
fastest left-handed gunner
this side of the Mississippi.
Did you ever
hear of Butch Cassidy
and the Sundance Kid?
You talking about them
white boy bank robbers?
Hey y'all, this is Big Mama.
First drink is on the house.
All right, now.
What you know about
this, Southpaw?
I think I know a thing or two.
"When the laws are
unjust..."
"...the just are outlaws!"
11 years, just
like you promised.
You know this.
"123 full moon," as
the old chief said.
You still think he's
gonna remember you, huh?
I hope so.
Where's No-Time's big black ass?
Hey, you ain't heard?
He got some bad
intel on a train job
and they winged me, but No-Time
caught one in the throat.
Didn't make it.
Made me promise to look after
his little sister, Queeny.
Remember her?
So you going after the gold
with those two young g*ns, huh?
Well, you know me.
I just want a little farm.
Live the simple life.
So you have a little
place to put all your critters.
What you got here?
Yeah, he just, you
know, fell out of his nest.
I'm just helping him heal.
You know, none of God's
creatures have ever lied to me,
and you are the only
man left that I trust.
So if you want me
on this, you got me.
But you gotta remember,
Angel's after you
and he's stronger than ever.
And he wants to k*ll you so bad,
it gets his d*ck hard.
But he won't.
Not yet.
You son of a bitch!
-Queeny, look at you!
-I knew you was gonna
come back for me.
See, I told you. I
saw him in my vision.
He was alive and he
came back for us.
You sure did.
So whatever you two geniuses
are scheming up, count me in.
Well, Queeny, folks
that get close
to me tend to end up dead.
Oh, I ain't never
been scared of death.
The only thing that scares me
is not living in an exceptional
life while I'm alive.
Come on, Chief.
Gimme a chance!
Can't you see I'm a
full-grown-ass woman now?
And I don't care what you
calling yourself these days,
you know you want some
of this brown sugar.
You too forward.
She shoulda been born a man!
That's right, n*gro.
I ain't for forgot
nothing you taught me.
You swore to look after me,
and you are gonna marry me.
So it is what it is, y'all.
Give it up!
All right now, y'all
know Big Ma don't play.
So listen to what
I've got to say.
We've got the future colored
heavyweight champ here today.
Raise your glass
for Jack Johnson!
You got somebody you love?
Pull 'em close and
let's slow it down.
Hey.
You gonna sh**t your own son?
What are you doing here?
I lost my wife.
Gotta get her back.
I need in.
In what?
Rumor has it you're
planning a job.
Please, Pa, I
don't got a choice.
Well, there's always a choice.
How'd you find me?
I figured Carson would
be in on the team.
Go home, son.
I ain't got no home left.
Look, the government; they
turned me into a k*ller.
Except I don't want to
k*ll for them no more.
Please, Pa.
And I ain't never
asked you for nothing.
Look here. What's all this
talk about k*lling, huh?
Get outta here, boy, before
you get yourself hurt!
Yeah, so them young-ass
clowns can go,
but I'm still not
good enough, huh?
All right.
Good luck.
Don't turn around.
All right, now you can look.
Girl, what
did you do to my gear?
I put the West African symbol
for justice on the back.
And my lucky braid
and a feather to keep my
man's thoughts flying free.
We tied together now, baby,
in this life and the next.
Girl, you too much.
You know we rented
you your own room.
So?
Your guardian angel's
sleeping right there.
I'm unarmed.
What are you doing now?
Oh, just getting us comfy.
Okay.
Five minutes.
Your daddy gonna hang!
Your daddy gonna hang!
They gonna hang him by
the neck because he--
No they ain't! No they ain't!
My daddy is a good
man. No they ain't.
My momma says everybody
knows he's bad.
No he ain't! No he ain't!
Move!
Outta my way!
Whiskey, please!
Hey, Sheriff, I heard
the darnedest thing.
Some loony fellow was
claiming he was gonna hold
the reverend c*ptive
and blow up the church.
Maybe he heard the
reverend preach.
- Son of a bitch!
- What the hell was that?
Come on! Come on!
Get up that street!
Ladies and gentlemen,
raise your hands slow.
- Oh my God!
- Holy cow.
Now lay down and kiss
the floor like you love her.
Come on!
Now that expl*si*n
y'all just heard
is the Hole-in-the-Wall
g*ng's way of saying, "howdy"!
We're going to be
borrowing your g*ns,
and we're gonna need us
a volunteer to help out
to make sure you good
people don't get hurt.
Who's it gonna be?
- Butch Cassidy?
- Sh, quiet now.
- Quiet now.
- The Sundance Kid.
Stop squirming.
And the Hole-in-the-Wall g*ng!
Sir, may I please
have an autograph?
May you please
have an autograph?
You know what's better than
a autograph, little buddy?
You staying alive.
What about you, mister?
My name is Paul.
This is between y'all
Go on and stand up for us, boy.
Hey listen, colored man can't
even have a bank account
so I was just sending
the packages off.
Who you sending a package to?
Why don't y'all just use one
of them nice bank fellas?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Now, bank tellers tend to do
stupid sh*t like ring alarms.
Now congratulations, Paul.
This might be the first time
that being a darkie's
gonna save your life.
We know your black ass ain't
no Pinkerton or bank teller.
All right, folks.
Now, if my new
darkie friend here
don't do exactly what we say,
my pretty partner,
Sundance over here,
gonna start blowing your
body parts off bit by bit.
You heard him!
Now, ask him!
Please, Mr. Darkie,
save us and don't
do nothing stupid.
Say it!
Please, Mr. Darkie,
save us and don't
do nothing stupid!
Louder. Come on!
Please, Mr. Darkie,
save us and don't
do anything stupid.
Music to my ears.
Sounds good. Now, let's
see what we got, Paul.
Come on, darkie!
Don't have all g*dd*mn day.
All the money, darkie.
- All the money.
- No, no. Hold on, hold on.
No, you!
Uh-huh.
I ain't gonna get
blown a new assh*le
so one of you crackers
can be a hero.
Come here.
You hear me?
Uh-uh.
He ain't got the
sense God gave hair.
Sit your ass back down
there. Stay there.
This is you.
All right?
- You know what?
- Huh?
We might have a job
opening for you.
Now go get some more money.
But as for you, this is
government insured money.
Ain't no need to
be dying over it.
Come on.
Son, don't even think about it.
Come on!
Somebody's pranking, boss.
That was a whole lot of nothing.
Someone doing something.
- Oh sh*t!
- Whoa!
- What the hell's goin on?
- Now!
Off the streets! Everybody!
Throw it like
you got some damn sense!
Got more money!
- That's it.
- That's it?
All right, boy.
Back up real slow.
Freeze, cr*cker boy, or
I'll stick you like a pig.
Queeny, no!
- Jesus Christ!
- Now!
Go!
Come on, this way!
Watch out!
The money!
What about the money?
Son, let's go.
Got a horse!
On your left!
Pa!
Pa!
Over here.
Queeny!
Wagon, on your right!
Queeny!
Jump on!
Mount up!
Jervis, we've been hoo-rahed!
- Come on! Let's go!
- There they go!
Faster!
Get a sh*t!
Come on, Pa!
Give 'em another one!
- Oh sh*t!
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
- They're getting away!
Head back.
- Whoa!
- Whoa, whoa.
I finally get to make some
money with white face,
and one of my own's
ruined for me.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Gal wouldn't part of the plan.
And she knifed me.
I didn't know it was y'all!
What the hell are
you doing here?
Saving your ass.
You guys really crapped the
bed on that bank robbery
and your horses
was getting away.
Hey, we only slowed them down.
They're gonna regroup.
All right, we head north.
Move out, let's go.
Water our horses and get
supplies here, y'all.
We got hydrogen peroxide, y'all.
Hello?
What y'all doing in my shop?
Come on, amigos.
Cat's got your tongue?
We- we're shopping, sir.
We aim to pay.
What did you say?
We shopping. We aim to pay.
Well, why didn't you say so?
Haha!
You have any amm*nit*on?
No a*mo.
My wife don't like firearms,
and, hell, I don't even have
any b*ll*ts in this thing.
It's just to impress folks.
Besides if I start
selling amm*nit*on,
the Originals will shut me down.
Now, let me look into your eyes.
Windows of the soul.
Are you here to do me harm?
No, sir.
You're being truthful.
Welcome. Welcome y'all.
Everything is half-off,
'cause I'm getting ready
to join my wife in heaven.
Now, down in the cellar,
you got molasses,
you got beans.
Up on top, you got dry goods.
Hey, the horses is gone!
Oh sh*t, Chief!
Originals will
turn your horses loose.
What do
you mean Originals?
Injuns.
Now these type of Injuns,
they don't believe that
people should enslave horses.
They don't think that
humans have the right
to even own God's critters.
My wife, she was born enslaved,
and these are the same
Injuns that set her free
just the same as set
your horses free.
You don't mess with them,
they're not gonna mess with you.
When's the next stagecoach?
Could be here five minutes.
Could be here in a couple weeks.
Tell me
again in your own words.
Lawlessness
will not be tolerated
in the town of Hammer,
nor in this county.
They were modestly successful
and they created a disturbance,
but rest assured, they
will be apprehended.
What was it like
to encounter Butch and Sundance?
That's right!
I stood up to
Butch and Sundance!
I reckon someone had to
keep those innocent folks
from getting hurt.
Hold still
for a picture, Sheriff!
Real still.
- Gotcha!
- Well.
What happened?
Well, Butch and
Sundance are clever.
They had two Negros
working with them,
including a gal and
a big white fella.
White and black in
cahoots with each other.
Who would've seen that coming?
And the munitions?
Eh, soldiers were taking it to
clear some Indian territory.
Now they can't go
'til next year.
Your bank was just a
bonus for the Outlaws.
Their mission was to delay
rousting those Redskins.
And I'd be surprised if it
were Robert LeRoy Parker
or Harry Longabaugh.
Butch and Sundance's real names.
Why is that?
They just got gunned down
by Federales in Bolivia.
I did not know that.
Did y'all see how
fast Chief was
outside that bank?
He stopped them good
old boy crackers
without even breaking a sweat.
When I grow up, I'm
gonna be like you, Chief,
without the baby hair.
Well, if you have to
sh**t your w*apon,
you're doing something wrong.
Ain't just about being fast.
It's about having
a team you trust!
That you can go
back to back with
and handle 360
degrees of trouble.
Understand?
Boy, you lucky.
You part of the first generation
who could call a black man--
legally call a
black man, a "father".
When we was born, enslaved,
black man couldn't do
nothing with his kids.
So how's he doing, this Pa?
I guess that means you
gonna need some practice.
Hehe!
You remember your pa?
Oh yeah.
They hung him for
teaching me how to read.
And then they told me
to call some old
white priest "Father"
and the sl*ve owner "Master".
Yaw!
And they told me that, by law,
I had to take the
master's last name.
Right.
I said with all
them bullshit laws,
I'm gonna grow up to
be a outlaw for sure.
Not again!
Y'all read in the newspaper
that Jack Johnson gonna be
the first colored
heavyweight champ?
And he got everybody going crazy
because he done got his
self that white gal.
Now that's some color
appropriation for your ass.
Yeah, some folks don't want
to have a beef about it,
but honestly I like it.
Black folks finally
free to be free.
Love who we wanna love,
do whatever the
hell we wanna do.
Need to stop worrying about
what everybody else think.
Either one of y'all done
had y'all a colored gal?
It'll change your life!
But I like mine big.
Can't go wrong with a big 'un.
I can't get behind
no skinny gal.
It's like hitting elbows.
Hey!
What about you, Stagecoach?
You gonna let me eat,
drink, and do Mary?
Well, some women like a rooster,
I prefer a hen!
Well...
How'd you get to
be "Stagecoach Mary"?
I didn't know you could talk.
I have what you call a...
...a loner's
temperament.
It's not that I
don't like people,
but I'm just not comfortable
when there's a
lot of 'em around.
So when they asked me
to deliver the mail,
I thought, well, I made
a whole lot of money
for a lot of people.
Might as well make
some money for myself!
Howdy, gentlemen.
We're looking to
buy us a few horses.
This exquisite music,
it gives us the illusion
of being closer to God.
Now, this land,
once it's all bought up,
we'll destroy all of it.
And that is our nature!
Aren't we supposed to
rise above our nature, sir?
I mean, the Good Book says,
"Thou shall not k*ll."
Religion is a story we tell
ourselves about the future.
History is the story
we tell about the past,
and it's told by those in power.
Did I make a mistake
empowering you?
No, sir.
I'm here to chronicle
your exploits
from an inside position
to the best of my ability.
When I publish these
sketches and articles,
you'll be appointed to
any post you desire.
The telegraph office where
Sergeant Decker contacted you
from sent another message.
Looks like Decker's
intel was on point.
Raise a bounty on all of them.
And put one on the
girl and Decker too.
I mean, dump all the crabs
in one barrel, right?
Yes, sir.
Thank you, Willis.
All right! This is a hold up.
Don't nobody have to get hurt.
Chief, is that you, boy?
Ain't he got a sense
of humor though?
What seed you want first?
Because we got corn, we got
okra, we got wheat. That's it.
There's
some good barley.
Horatio?
Man, I heard you got
fast as greased lightning
and still got your
big ass smoked.
Well, you know, I
k*lled three men first,
But I gave up that
gambling sh*t.
Found my brothers and sisters,
we pooled our money together,
we bought this
little mining town,
and then we decided to
run it the way we see fit.
So y'all some type of
church group or something?
No, we're from
many different races.
There's 33 of us.
They don't even use
money in this darn town.
We barter here.
Too many people die over money.
In a money system,
they respect the rich
and in an honor system,
they respect the honorable.
Listen, Chief, why
don't you follow me?
Let me show you the town.
Y'all come on, take
a walk with me.
- Horatio!
- Hey. Hey.
The Indians in those mountains,
some scary sons of b*tches.
- Hey, Mr. Horatio!
- Hi.
Yeah, we figured
why piss 'em off
by turning them mountains
into Swiss cheese
like the miners did?
Yeah, we don't know
sh*t about mining.
We farmers.
We grow damn near anything
here too. Everything!
You know, it's our old
little Garden of Eden.
Little slice of heaven.
Yeah. Here.
Take that right there.
Yeah, I mean, we ain't
got it all figured out,
but it beats the alternative
and anything out there.
- Hey.
- Good?
- Yep.
- Hey, uh--
Why don't you go
find what we need?
Go on!
We come from China, but
very good with our hands.
This is something we
like to call confessional.
You honestly tell
us about yourself
and then what you think you
can bring to Lil Heaven,
then, you know, we try
you out for a spare.
We vote.
Yeah, we vote and then
if everybody's happy.
You become part of the family.
Become part of the family.
Come on now, let's
go on up here.
Hey, hey!
What say you, family?
Excuse me.
Do y'all know where I can get
some demolition expl*sives?
We got Mr. Tam here
that wants to be a part
of our family here.
Mr. Tam, I got question for you.
You think I'm portly?
Maybe a little hefty.
What do you wanna be
in your life? What-
What's your dream?
My dream? Open a restaurant.
Well good, because
I like to eat.
Hey brother, know
where I can find
some expl*sives for demolition?
Oh yeah, Brother
Jeremiah? He up the way.
I ain't got
nothing to do with that.
See, I'm living my dream.
If you look around here,
you see everybody different.
Different color, different
races, and we pray different.
We like to treat people
the way we like to be treated.
And what do I like?
To be the mayor.
What do I like?
To be the mayor.
Yay!!
Because
here in Lil Heaven,
we like to have fun!
Hey, Chief!
Told ya I was coming to heaven.
What y'all say?
Pie-eating contest?
Joining my wife.
Oh yeah, big fella!
All right.
Bring the pies up here.
I only have
one question for you!
Do you like him?
Oh yeah!
Do you respect him?
Oh yeah!
Do you trust him?
Oh yeah!
Then welcome to the family.
So?
Tell him
what you told me.
Well, it's like I
told the young fella,
when it comes to expl*sives,
I can get you anything you need.
Rig it, set it, but
we got a problem.
Y'all ain't got no money,
and I definitely don't
need no damn seeds.
The Lord giveth, the
Lord taketh away.
So I giveth, y'all
taketh me away with you.
Yeah, I got kicked
outta Lil Heaven
for being what they call a
obstinate pain in the ass.
Brother Jeremiah,
at your service.
You think this guy can deliver?
I told him we're going
into Native territory.
He still wants to come.
I think he knows there's
a bounty on all our heads.
Mostly yours.
He's our only option,
but he can't be trusted.
I trusted you.
Brother Jeremiah?
At your service.
Old man Lincoln promised the
slaves he was gonna give 'em
reparations when
they were set free.
Yeah. 40 acres and a mule.
Yeah. Only when old
Lincoln got k*lled,
they gave the reparations
to the slaveholders
instead of the slaves.
And that's about
the time your daddy
started robbing government banks
to get his own reparations.
Turns out we was
robbing the same bank!
We started working together.
Me, Queeny's brother,
No-Time, and your daddy.
No one expected us to
work together, see?
And then every once
in a while, right,
we'd, you know, give
a little of the money
to poorer folks.
Yeah, that's how we met.
All right, y'all, we
got something ahead.
We ain't got nothing left.
We leaving.
Now let us be!
We mean y'all no harm.
That Sheriff Baker!
On account of some
grandfather clause.
If your granddad didn't
vote or own land, you can't.
We put a petition together,
demanding our menfolks could
vote like the white man.
But they burnt us out.
This is the petition?
These are all the colored
families right here?
Mm-hm.
And this is your deed?
Mm-hm.
Did y'all read it?
Well his first
language is Spanish,
and neither one of us can read.
And the Baker brothers, they're
living in a big fancy house
and keeping all our money.
And we got no place to go.
You mind if we borrow this?
Hey, you know Angel and his
men are right behind us?
Yes. So you need to get
going while the going's good.
Look, if I live long
enough to get this gold,
I'll just bring you my share.
You got my word. Go.
Still trying every
trick to get rid of me.
Now this big fella's
got a lucky bug in his pocket.
You know, these men respect you
because you were there for them.
It's all right.
Come here.
Why weren't you ever
there for me and my mother?
Got no answer, huh?
You think I'm gonna
trust your word?
You ain't never gave
me no words to trust.
You can trust mine.
Once I get my fair share,
you ain't gonna see me again.
Let's go, y'all.
Yeah!
Bravo, gentlemen.
That was sweeter than
Mama's marmalade.
Now, my big brother and me,
we're looking to put down
stakes in the right kinda town.
Well, you gentlemen have come
to the right establishment.
I'm Sheriff Alan Baker,
and this here is my brother,
the mayor, Alvin Baker.
Greetings.
And that there is Cousin Ed.
-That's all in family.
-Yeah.
Speaking of family,
we met a mixed colored
family out east.
They say they bought land here.
Those darkies have
completely forgotten
their station in life.
We're in the process
of doing a cleansing,
using the grandfather clause.
I thought that only
passed in The South.
True. But darkies don't read.
It's for their own good.
Be uncivilized.
Chinese?
We have the Chinese
Exclusion Act.
What about Mexicans?
Not after the
Mexican-American w*r.
Jews? Injuns?
No.
Once we take the
red devil's land,
they don't get it back.
Are the devils Jews or Injuns?
What's the difference?
No, no, you and your
family, you'll be safe here.
Now my wife, she's
what you call Creole.
You know, her folks
from New Orleans.
Is that a problem?
My advice, just keep that
Creole stuff under your hat.
You ain't got to worry
about her. No way.
'Cause can't no woman
of any color vote.
Yeah.
My brother's right.
We got a big, big family.
What if we take every
parcel you've got
for cold, hard cash?
What do you say?
What do you say, sheriff?
I say welcome to
town, neighbors.
Hey.
Yeah, let's step
into the parlor here
and have an official
congratulations!
Group of men and a woman?
You seen them?
They come through here?
Let's go.
All right now,
you can sign your family's
names yourselves on these deeds.
This calls for
celebration with libation.
Yes indeedy!
I'll call on the missus.
Hey Queeny, get in here,
my little Creole flower!
Now, Queeny, these
are our new neighbors,
the honorable brothers, the
Mayor and Sheriff Baker.
Bonjour, monsieur.
Pleased to make
your acquaintance.
Yeah, I know
what you're thinking.
She's beauty, ain't she?
She gets that golden tan
when she's in the sun.
Oh, wait 'til you
see her brothers!
Hey boys, get in here!
Don't be shy!
All official and notarized.
Ah, looking good.
I think there's been
some kind of mistake.
Oh yeah. What's that?
We don't serve coloreds.
Well, that's all right,
'cause we don't eat coloreds.
How many people in this
piece-of-sh*t town?
Just us, boss.
Oh yeah?
So you two are now outnumbered
by your new citizens.
Pa, this
is a waste of time.
We need to get back on track.
Son, wanna
be in the Outlaws?
Sometimes you
gotta fix the laws.
Mm-hm.
Oh well, we gonna
need us a new mayor!
- I think he's right.
- Uh-huh!
So, who wants to run for mayor?
Ooh! I do.
Well, let's put
it to an oral vote.
All those in favor of wild-ass
Queeny for mayor say "aye".
Aye!
Hey, look at that.
Madame Mayor, what is
your first new law?
Well, my new law is--
Uh-oh.
All men should kiss my ass!
That is a wonderful
proclamation!
Look at that.
You mean the sheriff
and the old mayor ain't
gonna obey the laws?
Well then, you gentlemen
are now outlaws,
and out of office.
And if you don't
get out of town,
- we might burn your asses out.
- Oh, yes sir. Mmm.
You talk that sass n*gro-talk?
These skinny renegade bastards!
That sounds like
insubordination, Chief.
Secretary Spooks,
I do believe you're right.
- Yes, sir.
- Mm-hm!
You silly harlot.
Oh, you can laugh now.
Cry later.
Outlaws wanted, dead or alive.
That's y'all, ain't it?
Come on kids.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, come on.
These are the deeds.
They're all official.
They have your
family's name on them,
and the name of all the
families from your petition.
Take some money
for you and the others
to rebuild with.
Why are you doing this for us?
I don't know.
Just take it before
we change our minds.
There were some
mans here looking for y'all.
Okay.
Listen up, y'all.
Teach your babies how to read.
Si Seor.
Bless you.
Found this one still alive.
Darkies did this.
One of 'em knifed me.
-I barely got away.
-Yeah.
Did you get a good look at 'em?
Yeah.
You wanna
ride with us then?
Yeah. Payback's a bitch.
You sound like my kinda fella.
Welcome in, son.
We're gonna capture
these ruthless K*llers,
and we're gonna bring
them to justice.
Willis, are you getting this?
Yes, sir. Every last bit.
Well, it seems as though
they left you something.
An angel with a
missing left hand.
What can we do you for?
Well, we were concerned
about your town's safety.
Might have been some
outlaws riding this way.
Now, you've seen any of them,
you let me know, you hear?
I can't say anybody
looks familiar to me.
No.
Uh-huh.
Everybody wants to go to heaven,
but nobody wants to die.
Let's get outta here.
Come on.
That ain't right.
Mary's stagecoach, Mary's rule.
I had that big
gal changing rules
if she back that stagecoach
up on this rooster. Hehehe.
All right, Decker your turn.
Impersonate somebody.
There's three types of
people in this world.
Oh!
People that eat
my daddy's beans,
people who complain
about my daddy's beans,
and the people
who sing the truth
about them nasty-ass beans!
Saying the truth?
-Oh, come on.
-That's how you
know they working.
Carson, you just in time.
I saved you some of my
famous beans, brother.
Pull up.
I appropriated some food in
town, thank you very much.
Where's Southpaw at?
Southpaw ain't coming.
He rides with Angel now.
Up until now, I kept things
on a need-to-know basis.
But now y'all need to know.
Lil Heaven is the
last town for miles.
Up behind to the west
are the mountains,
and in the mountains
are the mines.
And the gold is in the mines.
Which is where we
need the dynamite.
Which is why Brother
Jeremiah will be joining us.
sh*t fire. Don't y'all
know that's Indian reservation?
And we not talking
about the peaceful ones.
Now them ones up yonder,
they'll skin your ass alive.
The chief and me
had an agreement.
He said that on the
123rd full moon,
that's 11 years ago,
he'd let me back into the
mines to get the gold.
If Angel goes through
the mountains,
the natives are
gonna slaughter him.
Brother Southpaw's gonna
try to convince them to go.
Our Native friends will know
to leave Southpaw unharmed.
Now let's get some rest.
God damn it!
sh*t! I think I done got bit.
I done got bit.
Hey, we
all getting bit.
You thinking about tomorrow?
If I wasn't, I'd be a fool.
Would've been safer for you
to keep hustling
cards and dancing.
You make being a male
look so easy.
Plus you got that
proud king walk.
Well, I am the sheriff now.
Oh.
-And The Chief.
-Mmm-hmm!
What are you doing?
My new law is I get
to sleep right here
on top of my man
bed any time I want.
Uh, Chief, I
don't see nobody.
Oh, they see us!
I heard y'all
ran up in that bank
and tried to rob
it full of seeds.
Don't feel bad.
I did the same damn thing.
And look at you!
Riding tall in
the saddle anyway.
You got everybody
following behind you.
Even this big white
man back here.
On your right!
Oh hell no!
You have offering?
Yes.
We blew up the army's
weapons of w*r.
They ain't gonna be coming
after y'all for a spell.
My father,
he thanks you for
saving my life.
He says you'll celebrate
the moon with him tonight.
My father don't trust
white man anymore.
This man cannot come.
Like it or not,
we're all Americans now.
And that white man,
he's the one that lit the fuse.
Why are we stopping?
Them darkies rode right through.
We must go around, Boss.
Over that cliff, they take
revenge on the white man.
Dunno how a
darkie got this far.
Great Cloud says he thanks you
for destroying the
colonizer's tools of w*r.
He will allow you
to take the gold
from the wound in the
mountain, as agreed.
After you've taken the
gold, close the mountain.
Gold lust brings more
thieves of the earth.
But Great Cloud
says, "you cannot pass as
Africans with white man's ways".
You must find your
true spirit animals.
Pops, what the hell is going on?
My name ain't really Queeny.
We gonna find out who
we really are tonight.
This stuff smells
like horse sh*t.
I don't know about this, Chief.
I'm with him.
You must drink it all at once.
Channel you inner
African warrior.
We about to go on a ride.
Do
you see yourself?
Yes.
When you
become like the people
who would buy and sell you,
what have you become?
A dead man.
What do you see?
Where you always
running to, running man?
Pa!
But we broke the chains.
The
chains are in your mind.
Your name will be Free Man.
Pa!
Judge a man by his children.
Nobody makes it
outta here alive.
Do I die?
We all die.
We're good.
When I seen you, I
thought I'd seen a ghost. Haha!
Tunnel's clear!
Once we're in, pack your gold,
we escape through the
vertical entrance.
Am I still dreaming?
I don't know.
But we gotta keep moving.
How many
days did we lose?
I don't know. Stay focused.
I saw my mama, alive.
Don't leave me, y'all!
This is spooky.
I can't see straight.
Oh, may the Lord let
our souls grow wings
and let us fly from
this mountainous grave.
If you're
praying to that same Lord
that stood by while they
enslaved Africans and Indians,
we dead.
Chief, I sure hope you
know where the hell you going.
What the hell was in that drink?
How long is this
sh*t gonna last for?
It's gotta be that way.
Let's go that way.
You got one week.
We'll be watching and
staying close enough.
You find your dad and my gold,
and you'll get your wife back.
I'm spectacular at dying.
Come on.
We'll be watching.
We'll be watching.
Go and find your dad.
You got one week, and
you'll get your wife back.
You find your dad and my gold,
you'll get your wife back.
You find your dad, and
you'll get your wife back.
You'll get your wife back.
Which one is it?
I just heard him say mines.
What's that?
That's our boy.
He signaling.
"Dante's Inferno."
Seventh circle of the damned.
What if this is hell?
What if there's no gold?
This one ain't it.
Brigade!
Yes, sir?
You hellhounds,
now this is what you've
been waiting for.
Spread out and climb!
You bring me that
gold and those men,
dead or alive.
A double bonus to the man
who brings me the head of Chief!
Now!
In here, y'all!
Yeah, this is it.
Carson. Carson. We
got something here.
- Come over here.
- Hey, Decker.
She's gone to a place.
She's gone to a place.
- Right there!
- She went.
God!
- Oh my!
- I seen it! I seen it!
Yeah. Oh my God!
- Yes!
- It's gold bars,
- ain't it?
- Yes. That's the box!
- I seen it. I worked!
- No baby, this is
- a good thing.
- I seen you.
You was dead, Chief.
This is a good thing.
-Baby, it was just a vision.
-Baby, please.
Put your satchels there, y'all.
- But Mama!
- We gotta go!
You said a black man
can't get no respect
unless he got some money.
We got the money!
Jeremiah, go rig the dynamite.
I'll be there in a minute. Go.
Okay, the rest of y'all,
get the gold in
your satchels, okay?
Spooky, put it in
your damn satchel!
This is the spot, right here.
This gonna blow everything
to kingdom come!
Decker!
Chief, Chief, this is it.
This is it.
Hey, what are you doing?
Get down! Get down!
sh*t!
Just keeping lookout,
so I don't get my head sh*t off.
This mine?
You earned it.
And I'm breaking my word.
All right, let's go.
Come on!
"Word"?
You broke your word to who?
You said it, we
can all die today.
To your mother.
Son, you were a difficult birth,
but you were born a free man.
Your mother made me promise
that if you survived,
I'd let you grow up free.
Free to believe you
could grow up being
whatever you put your mind to.
She didn't want you drawn
into this outlaw life
with a price on your head
and a target on your back.
So you promised to stay away?
I got as close as I could.
I saw you graduate.
I saw you get
promoted to sergeant.
I even saw you get married.
Son, you're the best
part of me that's living.
I'm so proud of you.
But now you gotta do
right by your mom!
You understand me?
You need to forget about
me and this outlaw life.
You've got your share
of the gold now, son.
Go! Save yourself.
Save her!
Chief,
the fuses are ready!
No, Pa!
Pa, there's something
I gotta tell you!
Chief, this
here is the master fuse.
Now, this fuse is long enough
so that you can get outta here.
And all these lower
tunnels are gonna blow
like the devil himself
done passed gas.
What the hell's he doing?
I don't know.
All right, this is your share.
Oh, Chief, two bars?
All this work for two bars?
Brother, we all just
getting two bars.
The rest of the
money ain't ours.
That goes to people in need.
That's reparations
money. Understand?
That's your share.
No!
See, I told you, I told you!
What?
-I told you.
-What?
- I told you!
- He's dead.
- What?
- He's dead.
He was chirping
and then he's dead.
- He's dead!
- He's dead!
- Oh no.
- It's a bad omen.
He's dead!
The canary in the
coal mine, y'all.
That's it.
Birds are more sensitive
to poison gas...
Hey, if that dynamite goes off,
half this mountain's gonna blow.
Listen, listen, listen, y'all.
Get the satchels with the gold.
We gotta go now. Now!
Decker, save yourself
and save her!
Pa, wait!
Start getting up that
vertical tunnel now.
Yeah, but what about you?
I'm gonna go.
I'll be right back.
I'll be fine.
Go, go, go, go.
-I'll be fine.
-Decker!
Help her up, y'all.
We gotta go.
Come on. Let's go!
Pa! Let's go!
Run, boy!
Watch out!
Dad!
Pa!
I think
we got one in here!
Got ourselves a dead Outlaw.
It's Chief.
Why don't you write
that in your book, Willis?
Ehh! You son of a bitch.
Deprived me of the opportunity.
Still, there's this.
Willis, you keep a
good watch on that.
Get off of me!
You might not want to see this.
No!
Thomas.
Pa!
And this, Thomas.
I've been waiting for this.
Please, I did what you asked.
Let me bury him.
a*.
Please!
I will not be deprived
my pound of flesh.
No!
No!
No!
Get him outta there.
No!
I'll k*ll you!
Brigade!
Doing my
last bit of drinking.
He knew I was betraying him.
He gave me my fair
share of the gold
and the last thing he said
to me was, "Save yourself.
Save her."
You were trying to
keep your wife alive.
Devil's coming.
You three looking pretty chummy.
I'm just grilling 'em, sir.
Ah.
You at least gonna
let me bury my father?
Well, I am a sporting
man, so I'll wager you.
You b*at me at cards,
maybe I'll let you
bury your old man.
You know those Baker brothers?
They were overdue for a k*lling.
I mean the way they cheated
at poker, am I right?
Well, I was pretty new.
Yeah. When did
they deputize you?
Last month.
Okay, so I gotta ask,
which one did it?
Which one?
Little Quaker girl?
All right, you're loyal.
I respect that.
Still, I gotta ask again.
Which one of 'em did the deed?
Hell if I know.
I'll raise ya.
Son, I think you're bluffing.
Decker, what do you think?
Shotgun?
I think you're all full of sh*t.
Okay boys, go ahead
and turn mine over.
I've shown you my hand.
Time to show yours.
Show me!
Sheriff Alan Baker was an
illiterate religious fanatic.
He'd never tolerate
card playing.
He was also a
notorious pedophile.
And you two girls play
like the best old friends.
You ride with the
Outlaws, don't you?
Now you tell me.
Yes, I ride with the Outlaws.
Ugh!
Thank you.
Oh.
Darling, I suspect
you remember how this goes.
You start playing
and you don't stop.
Come on.
You may not have noticed,
but on certain issues,
I can even be
somewhat progressive.
As an example, I'm
gonna give you a vote.
You tell me which of those two
boys I should carve up first.
Hm?
No answer?
I thought women wanted to vote.
I guess you're the
more traditional sort.
Well, you know what that means?
Ladies first.
Take me!
Yeah, that's right.
You heard me, you sick
one-handed sadist.
Unchain me!
I'll stick that poke
up your fat ass!
Your pappy's alive and you
hate him and betray him.
Your pappy dies and you're
grieving and dutiful.
So you tell me,
is that irony
or hypocrisy?
Hypocrisy?
I hear you talking about me,
but what's your own men
got to say about you?
Oh, I got a little
surprise for you.
I think you're gonna enjoy it.
Willis, we want to hear from
that article you've
been writing, okay?
Yes, sir.
No, not the decoy journal.
No. From the one you're
so sure has been hidden.
I'm sorry, sir. Uh.
I don't know what--
Damn, you're a terrible liar.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Oh, I know. I do.
And look what we have here.
Oh!
It's fictional.
I just wrote this for myself.
Read!
Brigade!
"When my faith waivers,
I take solace in the fact
that this devil called Angel
can exist to bring
out the worst in us,
there must be an opposite.
A divine inner good.
I pray for the strength
to resist Angel
and his deplorable
doglike disciples
who take delight in obeying
his every cruel demand."
Willis, was Columbus a
butcher or a brave explorer?
It all depends on
your perspective,
which you sorely lack.
But tonight that changes.
It's time to take part.
And you're gonna
put a b*llet in her.
Or they're gonna
put some in you.
Keep playing!
I'm sorry.
Hellhounds!
Don't touch my wife!
By the count of three.
One,
two,
three!
No!
Your wife does play beautifully
I'm gonna be the last
man she ever plays for.
Cyclops, what's the Good
Book say on revenge?
I believe it says
an eye for an eye.
That's right.
Your pappy took my hand.
I'm taking hers.
Don't you touch my wife!
Brigade!
No. No!
No!
No!
No!
Pa!
Decker!
Everybody down!
Hi, baby.
Well, Chief, you don't
die easy. I'll give you that.
I'll tell you what,
now you surrender,
and I'll let your men live.
Just like you let them
women and children live?
Well, th were Indians!
And we got that territory
cleared, didn't we?
You boys riding with Chief,
you surrender and I'll
treat you real fair,
just like I always
have with Thomas.
Isn't that right, Thomas?
Yeah, that's right.
Angel's always been
mighty good to me.
He's trying to
gauge our position.
We gotta spread out.
I'll keep his head on a swivel.
Now, Chief, on the
other hand, I ride with him,
he leaves me d*sfigured,
steals my gold.
Now for that, he must atone.
You're the thief, Angel!
That gold was reparations money
to pay back them
enslaved families.
for building this country.
"Reparations"!
Coloreds were brought
here to work the land,
not own it!
This country was made
for wealthy white
Christian men,
like me!
Brigade!
Let's go!
Come on.
Ooh! Take that!
- Get out of here!
- Go!
Watch out!
Eye for an eye,
assh*le!
It's all over, m*therf*cker!
You a ghost?
I saw your dead body.
Really?
You miss me?
Well that was that then.
You were right.
I couldn't trust him.
All this work for two bars!
No, n*gro.
I was born at night,
but not last night.
Now, you could tell that
to them other fools
you riding with,
but not Brother Jeremiah.
So you better take care of
me before I take care of you.
You were supposed
to be your brother's keeper.
So I switched
clothes with Brother Jeremiah.
Figured wasn't no sense
in him dying in vain.
Decker, Son, run! Save yourself.
Pa!
- Stay there!
- Wait!
Couldn't trust me either.
When did you know about me?
I knew Malindy wasn't
gonna leave your ass.
The violin.
My wedding day. That was you.
It was a wedding gift.
Can you forgive me for
being a shitty father?
Can you forgive me for
being a shitty son?
Love you, Pa.
I love you son.
The Originals allowed us
to bury Sergeant Willis
up in their mountains,
and Spooky decided to stay
his ass up there with him.
Southpaw graduated
to robbing railroads.
Most of us, we just looking
for a little heaven on earth.
We kept some of the
gold for ourselves,
but the lion's share we
gave away to folks in need,
just as promised.
The Original Americans,
they call me "Free Man".
But the truth is, I ain't
always been such a good man
and I've k*lled more
than I care to remember.
Tell the truth and
shame the devil.
I ain't scared of much,
but y'all scare
the heck outta me
because you've given
me something back
that I didn't know I lost:
hope.
Hope that all of us
people of different races,
different beliefs, might not
just tear each other apart.
Hope that we won't get greedy
and destroy this great
Garden of Eden we were given.
Hope for the country
we can become,
not just the country we've been.
That's right!
I know that's right!
Speak on. Keep speaking.
- All right. That's right!
- That's my boy!
I got one question for y'all.
Do you like them?
Oh yes!
You respect them?
Oh yes!
Do you trust them?
Heck yes!
Then welcome to the family!
Yeah!
Thank you!
Woo. This is our
new family here?
This is everybody
family right here!
Even her with the freckles?
They had fun
without g*ns in Lil Heaven,
so we stayed on to protect them.
And me and Queeny got hitched,
just like she predicted.
Now the real wild, wild
West looked like all of us.
But see, most people, they
know about bank robbers
like Butch Cassidy
and The Sundance Kid.
They was never taught about
folks of color though.
The Tams got to open up
their dream restaurant,
and it's the longest
family-owned Chinese restaurant
in America.
Jack Johnson whooped enough ass
to become the first
black heavyweight,
and he and his lovely
wife opened up a club
called Black and Tan
where folks of all
colors was welcome.
And long before they could vote,
there was women like
Stagecoach Mary.
Now she was a real badass.
Sure is beautiful country.
It sure is.