06x06 - Doug's Dougapalooza

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[whistling]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

[chattering]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

-[chuckling]
-Pfft.

[growling]

[screaming]

[yelping]

[whistling]

[indistinct talking]

[screaming]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

[alarm buzzing]

[yawns]

[announcer] Tired of getting up

-for school?
-[gasps] Huh?

[announcer] Wish you could do
something more exciting...

-Whoa! [grunts]
-...like be a fighter pilot?

Hey. Whoa.

-[Doug] Whoa.
-[man] Come on, get out of the way!

[announcer]
How about a life-saving doctor?

[Doug] Sponge.

-[barks]
-Hey?

[announcer]
How about a professional athlete?

-[Doug screaming]
-[players grunting]

[announcer] Well, maybe not that, but...

an archeologist.

-A ballet dancer.
-[Doug giggling]

[announcer]
How about a professional musician?

An artiste?

Or how about an astronaut?

-Okay, stop.
-[both scream]

Now, do you wanna know
where you can get training

for all these exciting careers
absolutely free?

-Uh-huh.
-[announcer] At school.

Oh, man.

[announcer] Hey, don't be foolish,
get schoolish.

This message was brought to you
by the people who like school.

-[footsteps approaching]
-[door creaking]

[whistling]

That's me.

[whistling]

[guitar chord resonates]

[Doug] Dear journal, school really can
help you be what you wanna be.

For instance, Chalky wants to be a doctor.

Breathe.

[Doug] Which means
he'll be in school till he's 30.

And Skunky will probably be in school
just as long.

But this past week, It seemed Connie Benge

was gonna make her stay in school
a lot shorter.

It all started when Mr. Mayonnaise
played a video in class.

♪ Howl like the banshee wind ♪

So much for local history in the making.

How about a hand for our own Connie Benge?

-[all cheering]
-Remember, guys,

-[school bell ringing]
-We have a big test Friday, so study up.

It's kinda neat having someone
even a little famous at our school.

When I find that lake monster,
the whole town'll be famous.

-Hey, guys.
-[gasps] is that you?

Aren't you Connie Benge,
famous TV star and singer?

Can I have your autograph?

[Connie] Cut it out, guys.
I wasn't even that good.

Are you kidding? You were great.

-[indistinct chatter]
-[man] There she is. Connie, you rule.

[girl] Oh, she's so awesome!

Hey, maybe I was great. [giggles]

[grunts] Oh, oh, oh.
I caught the Lucky Duck Monster.

Congratulations, Mosquito.

Where is it? [laughs]

Oh, man. What are you doing here?

sh**ting wildlife. Watch.

[ducks honking]

Oh, man, I can't.

-[camera shutter clicking]
-The beauty of the widgeon moorhen.

Notice its colorful plumage.

Hey, cool. Can I see that?

[whistles and laughs] Cool.

Are you certain he's a genius?

Hey, maybe you two could help me catch
the Lucky Duck Monster.

You are toying with us, boy genius.

There could be no lake monster.

Oh, ooh, ooh... [laughs] I know, I know.

Hey, maybe it's from outer space
and was placed here for safe keeping.

[laughs] Oh, yes.

Perhaps its weird alien elders
will return soon to pick it up.

Exactly.

-[both, laughing] Oh.

-You have done it again.
-We will help you, O wise one.

It's the spaceman
from K-Bluff Morning Zoo Crew.

Hey, do you wanna be a rock star?

Rock star? Wow!

Then come on down to K-Bluff's
Super Song Contest this weekend,

judged by Bluffington's very own
ex-Beet bass player, Flounder.

The winner gets their song
played on K-Bluff

and a night on the town with me, Flounder.

So, start writing those songs,
'cause we can't wait to hear 'em.

Rock on!

♪ With my screaming voice
And my guitar to strum ♪

♪ Super Song Contest
Here I come! ♪

-[Connie humming]
-[spoons tapping rhythmically]

[Doug] Once Connie entered
the song contest,

everything she saw became a song.

♪ Could that be meat?
I think I saw it move ♪

♪ No way it's FDA approved! ♪

[laughs] Great song, Connie.

-Yeah. Great.
-[both gulp]

Hey, Connie,
could you sing a song about me?

♪ I got the retainer blues ♪

♪ Aha, from my head down to my feet ♪

♪ I'm down ♪

♪ About my crazy, crooked teeth ♪

♪ A-aha, ah ♪

That's not a nice song.

Brian's very sensitive
about his appliance.

Obviously you don't know
what the blues are.

The blues are a slow-tempoed music style
containing flatted thirds and sevenths.

Connie, where are you going?
We're supposed to study after school.

♪ Yo, my name is Beebe Bluff
I can never get enough ♪

♪ My daddy owns the town
And buys me lots of stuff ♪

Connie, don't you think
you're taking this contest thing

a little too far?

♪ Maybe I'm takin' this too far ♪

♪ Or you're just jealous I'm a star ♪

Uh-oh, you guys better leave

before Connie starts singing
about your big noses.

[both] Big noses? Hmm...

This morning, she sang about my hair cut.

Ever since she was on TV,
she is so full of herself.

Come on, Beebe, that's kind of harsh.

♪ Whoa-oh, I'm so full of myself ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh! ♪

I guess you've got a point.
Well, leave it to me. I can handle her.

Hey, Doug, there you are.

Hey, Connie, can I talk to you?

Remember that band you had
with, like, 17 drummers?

[stutters] Yeah...

Genius. What do you say we team up
and win that song contest?

-Huh?
-With all my natural talent

and your crazy ideas,
we'll be unstoppable.

Cool. Sounds great.

-That's telling her, Doug.
-[laughs sheepishly]

[applause]

You know,
their music has taken the world by storm.

And here they are, Connie and the Dougles.

[all squealing]

[playing rock song]

Doug, you are so rock and rolly.

[screaming]

[all] Doug. Doug. Doug. Doug.

Doug, Doug.

Doug, are you listening?

-What?
-Is that your homework?

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

[Doug] I was spending a lot of time
thinking about what would happen

if Connie and I won that song contest.

And I wasn't the only one.

Connie, your homework?

Uh, Ms. Kristal, I just didn't see
how this book report

was gonna help me
in my rock 'n' roll career.

Hey, Connie,

aren't you taking this song contest
a little too seriously?

Doug, we gotta be serious
if we're gonna b*at out the competition.

-What competition?
-[music plays]

♪ Nerds, nerds, we're everywhere ♪

♪ We have good grades and greasy hair ♪

♪ We protect our pockets
So our pens don't leak ♪

♪ But don't call us dorks
Or twerpy geeks ♪

♪ We're nerds ♪

♪ Observe our words, nerds ♪

♪ Observe our words ♪

♪ We're nerds ♪

Those guys are good.

Don't worry, Doug. They'll never b*at us.

I've got an awesome secret w*apon.

"Flounder's Countdown to Rock Stardom"?

Your secret w*apon is trading cards?

These give every one of Flounder's rules
for rock superstardom.

We follow all 50, and we can't lose.

"Rule number 34,

wear a woolly hat
when cold is where you're at."

Practical. But shouldn't we start
rehearsing soon?

Rule number 28.

"Without a rockin' look,
you're just a rockin' schnook."

[karate sounds]

These guys were playing weddings
till the laundry mixed up their tuxedoes

with the karate school next door.

Now they're huge!

[Doug] Hmm, maybe Connie had a point.

♪ So we don't look hot
But we practiced a lot ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

[Doug] Maybe you are a schnook
without a great look.

♪ But when we're lookin' cool
We will rule ♪

♪ Rockin' megawatt
We'll make your blood clot ♪

[Connie] Yeah!

♪ With really good design ♪

♪ We're lookin' fine ♪

♪ And when we rap in time
We rock and rhyme ♪

♪ We're lava flow ♪

♪ Out a volcano ♪

♪ Our poppin' show ♪

♪ Gets a standin' "O" ♪
-[audience cheering]

-Where are you going?
-We are going to the mall.

We need to get some serious supplies.

But I've got a meeting
at the Weekly Beebe in a half hour.

Do you wanna work
on a crummy school paper your whole life,

or do you wanna rock the world?

Uh...

Trust me. I've been on TV.

There. That should be
all the parts we need.

Where did you get all this stuff?

[both] Found it.

What's all that poster board for?

"Rule number 25,

-publicity is a necessity."
-Huh?

We've got to make posters
and put them all over town.

Then people will think
we're already famous. Get it?

Oh, yeah. Right.

-Good. Start with 100.
-A hundred posters?

That'll take all week.
I've got two tests coming up.

We'll I've got four I have to blow off.

We all have to make sacrifices, Doug.

And we have to stay
ahead of the competition.

[music playing]

♪ Nerds, nerds with discipline ♪

♪ With respect to contest, we will win ♪

♪ We're nerds ♪

♪ Observe our words
We're nerds ♪

♪ Observe our words
We're nerds ♪

Man, they are really good.

Yeah. Better make it 200.

Wait. When are we going to practice?

Two hundred by Friday!

Here it is, Mosquito. Here it is at last.

We gave it extra pedals
and a big, white shiny mast.

The horn is extra large,
and the wheels are extra tall.

And we call it our phan-tan-poosly...

[both] Turbo monster call!

Looks like you stole the design
from Dr. Seuss.

We prefer to think of it as an homage.

We're honoring him.

Let's test it out, shall we?

Pull the lever.

Hey, I think it worked.

[howls]

[howling]

We will need to make some adjustments.

[Doug] While I worked on the posters
for the song contest,

Connie worked on
Flounder's Countdown to Rock Stardom.

"Rule number 21,

wild hair gets you on the air."

"Rule number 12,

you just can't hack it
without a cool leather jacket."

"Rule number 17,

the bigger the shoes,
the higher the grosses."

Hmm, guess he couldn't think of a rhyme.

"Rule number 9,
more guitar necks equals more paychecks."

-[screams]
-Quit kidding around, Doug.

Come on in. I have a surprise for you.

Well, I finished all the posters,
and... Huh?

What's he doing here?

"Rule number 3,
if you want a big recording deal,

get a manager
who can lie, cheat, and steal."

These are outdated.

Connie Benge doesn't exist anymore.

-What? I don't get it.
-It's just Connie now, Doug.

I dropped my last name, like Flounder.

That's, uh, nice.

The problem is, you're still dork Funnie.

But I think we can fix it.

Gee, Funnie, you almost look cool.

We'll need all night tonight
and all day tomorrow

to practice the song.

But we have that big
history test tomorrow.

How are we going to study
and rehearse at the same time?

You're absolutely right, Doug.

We're going to have to quit school.

-What?
-Flounder quit, and he's a big, rich star,

-just like we're gonna be.
-It's up to you, Doug.

Are you gonna quit school
or quit the band?

[gulps]

♪ I decided not to take off my shoe ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm savin' my toenails for you ♪

-Yee-haw!
-[applause]

Corny and the Cornbars, kids.

They are out of this world! [laughs]

-[crickets chirping]
-[coughs]

Will they be the big winners
who'll spend the night on the town

with our celebrity judge?

-We'll find out soon enough.
-[clapping]

Now let's hear it
for the totally kickin' sounds

-of Lamarr Bone's Polkamaniacs.
-[yodeling]

[Doug] Just about everyone in town
who played an instrument

entered the contest, except me.

I came to tell Connie I wasn't
going to quit school to be in her band.

With the added horn section
and power upgrade,

this should do the trick.

Here it goes!

[horns blaring]

[all] Ooh.

To Lucky Duck Lake!

[Al and Moo] Whoo-hoo!

-[all grunt]
-[farting sound]

[engine sputtering]

[Skeeter] That reminds me
of an old Buster Keaton gag.

[both] It's an homage.

Oh, yeah, right.

♪ Kumbayah, my lord, kumbayah ♪

I don't see the nerds.

They were the one band
I was worried about.

I'm afraid they got a little distracted
before the contest.

-What is this big emergency, Roger?
-We need to go win the song contest.

Hey, guys, wanna help me hook up my 4D TV?

Oh, gee, it's working. Oh, look what's on.

A chess match. [chuckles] Imagine that.

[announcer] It's Kaspopov vs. a toaster.
This could go on for days.

[all] Ooh.

Wow. You are a great manager.

Connie, listen.
Could we talk a second... alone?

She's not Connie anymore. She's this.

She's a key chain?

No. This is her new name, loser.

School boy wouldn't understand.

Now stand aside.
It's time for rule number one,

"Get crazy onstage,
and you'll be all the rage."

-[yells]
-Connie, that's not your guitar.

Oops. Oh, well.

That's my guitar! Hey!

There seems to be something wrong
with the steering wheel.

What's the problem?

We don't have one.

Now, our very last entry.

Let's hear it for the kid
formerly known as Connie.

[all cheering]

♪ I don't need school ♪

♪ To get my mansion with a pool ♪

♪ Math keeps me snoring ♪

♪ 'Cause the square root of two
Is boring ♪

Just call me "star maker."

♪ Good-bye to homework
And stinky gym feet ♪

♪ Good-bye to lunches with mystery meat ♪

Whoo!

♪ I'm outta here
I'm over it ♪

♪ I'm gone, whoo ♪

♪ I'm outta here
I'm over it ♪

♪ I'm gone ♪

Real gone.

[crowd cheers and applauds]

And now it's time to find out
which song will be played on K-Bluff

and who wins
that night on the town with Flounder.

Hold on. I think I hear a late entry.

[screaming]

Wow, what a song.

[horns blaring off-key]

[Al] It worked. We caught the monster.

And its alien elder, too.

What's your name?

Um, I'm Skeeter,
and this is our monster call.

I've decided the winner.

"Monster Call" by Skeeter.

Whoa. Cool, man.
Hey, Al and Moo helped, too.

Connie, you were really good.

I would've brought
the energy up just a bit.

[Connie] Gimme another order
of tater twisters, please.

You want to talk about it, sweetheart?

I lost to a big, goofy horn.

What's to say? More fries.

But you came pretty darn close.

Uh, I need an order to go.

Uh, could you sign
this "Love you, Flounder"?

You. I did everything
your cards said to win.

I even quit school, like you.

My cards say to quit school?

Not exactly, but you quit school.

Love. Uh...

L...

L-O-V-E. Anyway,
if you're gonna rock and roll,

what's the point of going to school?

Flounder. F-L-W...

[incoherent mumbling] F-L--

F-L-O-U-N-D-E-R.

Can't you spell?

Not exactly.

I can't read too good, either.

No big deal. You're still rich, right?

Well, not exactly.

Here you go, guys.

-They got the food!
-Hey, great! The night is young.

Hey, would a rich guy need to judge
a local radio contest?

I mean, you know, quitting school

is what got us Beets
in trouble in the first place.

[playing rock song]

[Flounder] We couldn't read our contracts,
not even the big print.

And when we broke up,

the record company took all of our songs,
our instruments,

our cool outfits.

We lost everything.

That is, everybody except Wendy.

She was smart.

She went to college and got into pre-law

so she could read the fine print
in her contract.

Thanks, Monroe.

So I think I'd like to add one more card

to that "How to be
a rock star" collection.

Let's see... It's gotta rhyme. Hmm.

It's cool to stay in...

[exhales] Cool to stay in...

Ah! It's cool to stay in education.

Hmm. Free verse.

How about "It's cool to stay in school?"

Even better! School. S-K...

Uh, S-C-U...

Uh, maybe I better write it.

You forgot Skeeter's frothy goat.

What? Oh, and more ketchup.

Excuse me. I gotta get some ketchup.

Hey, Flounder, I got an idea.

What?

[Doug] Well, journal,

Connie hasn't made it
into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame yet,

but she did make it back for study hall.

And Flounder decided
to take his own advice

and see if school
wouldn't help make him cool.

♪ Be shrewd, dudes
School's your tool ♪

♪ Gotta hang in so you will rule ♪

♪ It's cool to stay in school ♪

[Flounder] Yeah!

-It's genius!
-[people cheering and applauding]

I'm as deaf as a doorknob.
You should start a band.

[Doug] And even though
Skeet didn't catch the monster,

his song turned out to be
a monster hit on K-Bluff.

Hey, Skeeter, congratulations
on winning the contest.

"Monster Call" really is a great song.

Too bad your horn never made it
to Lucky Duck Lake.

[chuckles] Yeah, I guess
it wasn't meant to be.

It probably wouldn't have worked, anyway.

["Monster Call" playing]

[monster growls]

[theme music playing]