06x13 - The McKinney Family

[bunniefuu]

Tonight on "supernanny"...

No! Jo takes on her toughest kid ever...

And the most defiant mom she's ever seen.

When he bites me, I want to b*at his ass.

Mom's son spits, kicks, punches... Ohh!

[Speaks indistinctly] curses,

And blows snot at anyone in his path.

You don't hit me. He's so aggressive, he's been kicked out of two schools,

And he's only years old. Ow!

[Woman] do not throw it.

Mom's got a chip on her shoulder... Come here. I'm talking to you.

And can barely contain her own anger. I don't get help from anybody.

Anything I need or I want, I get myself.

Can jo convince this single mom to get with the program?

You've only given him %, and then you didn't

Follow through on anything. And help her get her wild kid under control?

You do not bite your mother!

Or will mom go down for the count?

♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪

So I'm in reno,

Ready to help a single parent who desperately needs my help.

So we'd better take a look.

Hi. We're the mckinney family. I'm ashley mckinney.

I am a single mom. I have kids--kayla, who's ,

And kaiden, who's .[Laughs]

I am a bank teller and a full-time student.

Don't--put it back in front of you. [Laughing]

Do not laugh at him, kayla. That's not funny. Oh, boy.

[Grunts]

Kaiden is the most energetic kid I have ever met.

Ow! Don't.

Stop it right now!

Kaiden, do not play in that!

He will kick, scream... [Cries]

[Screams] throw things...

Hit... [Grunts]

No! Stop hitting me. You're hurting me, kaiden.

No!

Look at this behavior.

Why does mom not do anything about this?

I've tried time out. He'll just run back out.

Get down from there right now. No!

You need to ask if you want something up there.

Kayla likes to be very defiant...

[Cries]

Doing unruly things to get my attention.

Do not go in that bathroom, kayla.

Unlock the door now.

Kayla, you don't play with your food or hit me. [Grunts]

That should not be happening.

A lot of their behaviors make me feel very disrespected.

Do not spit on me.

♪♪♪♪♪

Get your hands out of the toilet!

Being a single mom is a full-time job in itself.

The fact that I work and go to school on top of that,

It's overload. Okay, I'm going to do my homework.

It's seriously way past your bedtime. [Shrieking]

Go get back in bed. Most of the time at bedtime,

I give in to get them to calm down.

That way I can shift gears and do my homework.

It's too late. How are they getting enough sleep?

Supernanny, I'm a single mom.

I'm working -hour days. I-i'm exhausted.

I need your help. Well, I'll be there as soon as possible.

♪♪♪♪♪

Hello.

Hi. I'm good. How are you? Jo frost.

I'm ashley. Nice to meet you. Very nice to meet you.

Hi. Pleased to meet you. I'm jo jo.

Can you come say hi, kaiden?

I think he wants to show me his bottom instead.

I couldn't have been really in the doorway

For more than five minutes when kaiden started to kick off

And behave extremely naughty.

You're gonna fall, kaiden.

No, you're not gonna climb on the television.

You're gonna fall out the window is what you're gonna do. Aah!

No, I'm not. No, you need to not climb.

No! [Speaks indistinctly, grunts]

No one's gonna play with you, kaiden,

When you're being angry.

[Crying] we're not gonna play with you when you're like this.

Play nice. [Shouts indistinctly]

Do not bite me. You don't bite. That hurts.

He bit her in her private area,

It's just crazy. He just bit me.

He just went to bite you in your groin area.

Yeah. You don't bite.

We're gonna go sit down.

Do not pee your pants. Okay. He peed his pants.

Don't pee your pants.

You are in big trouble. [Laughs]

It is not funny. I can't believe you did that, kaiden.

That was really bad.

I mean, this little boy's behavior is appalling,

To say the least.

[Whimpering] no biting. We do not bite.

I mean, you couldn't get any worse, really,

Than what's happening here. Don't you want to go play? No, you don't bite.

I want to take a bath! Nope. We're not gonna take a bath.

After mom cleaned up kaiden, I had a chance to speak to her.

So the first time you started to notice

That he was becoming more challenging was how long?

How old was he? Uh, about months he started just, you know...

Yeah, okay, so-- acting out, but at about ...

At the age of . At the beginning of this year, it just really started.

So at school, they've noticed this behavior.

Yeah, he was taken out of two schools.

Right. Two schools for his aggressive behavior?

Mm-hmm.this is a young boy who's been kicked out of two schools,

And he's only years old.

I mean, what kind of a future does kaiden have if somebody

Is not going to understand this picture

And realize that they can change this for him?

[Ashley] you want to color a picture?

Mom decided that she would leave kaiden alone

And quietly color with kayla.

However, kaiden decided he would not be ignored.

That's mine!

It's gone now. You do not hit people with your toys.

That's a w*apon. [Whimpers]

Mom took away the toy, but she didn't put kaiden

Through any discipline, and as a result,

He came back more aggressive.

[Kaiden whimpers] no, you have lost the toy.

[Crying]you are not playing with that toy.

Are you tired?

Why are you hurting me? Stop.

Because I want that back! But you're not gonna get it back because you're hurting me.

This boy is so angry and aggressive with his behavior

That a warning is not going to be effective for him.

He's gonna need a one strike and you're out,

Which is a technique that's going to help him

Cool down first so we can defuse all of this anger. [Kaiden cries]

We had been in the house for quite a while that afternoon,

And so I suggested to mom that it might be a nice idea

If we just got some fresh air and took the kids

Out to a playground. [Kaiden] yay! [Speaks indistinctly]

All right, I'll grab my coat then.

However, we hadn't all got outside the front door

Before the kids had run down the stairs.

Kaiden, stop!

Mom was hollering out at them to stop,

And then kaiden decided to run across the street.

[Ashley] wait!

They're not listening to her. They don't respect her.

They don't do anything that's asked of them.

Kaiden, don't throw it.

Kaiden, don't pick up rocks. Put that down.

Okay, we're done playing now,

Because you could hit another kid with a rock.

Kaiden! Come on!

Kaiden, there's a car right there.

Stop!

How is mom really feeling like she's managing these kids

When they're just running off?

But even once mom got 'em inside,

The safety latch is broken on the door.

So he just ran out again.

It's a really tough job for a lot of single parents

To raise their families on their own, and discipline

Can be very challenging, and that's why I'm here--

To help her.

Coming up on...

Kaiden gets in mom's face...

And jo gets tough on mom.

You obviously think it's okay to be down at the gym at :,

When really your kids should be in bed.

I mean, how did you justify that to yourself?

When "supernanny" returns.

♪♪♪♪♪

Mom had prepared the children food

And sat down with them,

And out of the blue, kaiden just threw food.

It's on your eyebrow. Is it? [Chuckles]

Mom was laughing at his behavior.

Really?

I decided to go and talk to kaiden

To see if he's even aware of his behavior

And how that affects his mother.

You know, earlier on when you were eating at the table...

Yeah? Yeah, and you've got your sandwich,

And you threw it at mommy-- do you think mommy was happy

Or sad about that? Um, mad.

You think she was mad. All right.

Is that naughty behavior or not naughty behavior,

To throw your sandwich? Um, naughty behavior.

How do you know it's naughty?

All right.

Was you happy when you threw the sandwich?

Or was you sad, or was you mad? What was-- sad.

You were sad when you threw the sandwich?

What was you sad about?

I was sad about because my mom was being mean to me.

Oh.

[Jo] this boy's behavior is impulsive,

And he becomes very angry,

But he does know the difference between right and wrong.

I can't help but feel sorry for him.

You know, who's helping this little boy

So that he can learn to behave differently?

♪♪♪♪♪

Let's put these shoes on so we can go to the gym. No.

In the evening, mom told me that she was picking up her friend

To go into the gym, where they were going to have a workout.

This is something that mom does most nights of the week.

We usually go from : to :.yeah?

Kids club closes at :. I think I just stared at her face, like, are you sure?

But off they went.

Mom. Come on, kaid.

No, no, no. No running, kaiden.

It's nice to be able to go to the gym.

The kids can play, and I just need some time for myself.

[Whines] mom! So how long will they be in there now?

[Ashley] usually about an hour, we work out. This is bath time now.

This is the bedtime routine, and now you're going off

Down to the gym, and the kids are gonna now be stirred up

And riled up.

I know that mom gets really stressed out

Being a single parent, so going to the gym helps her

To release that and keep her fit. Yeah.

But that time of the night, with your kids,

Keepin' 'em up all hours?

The fact is, mom could get a dvd, get some weights to use

In the house once these kids were in bed.

Kaiden, kayla!

[Screams]

By the time mom finished working out in the gym,

Kaiden was totally riled up,

And poor old kayla, I mean, she was just bored stiff.

I mean, let's face it. Kayla hasn't had

Any attention all day. [Lowers voice] does mommy spend a lot of time

Having to chase kaiden and be with kaiden all the time?

Do you get much time with mommy?nope.

No?

No!

[Ashley] okay, come on. [Sighs]

We leave the gym, and he's kicking off.

[Spits]

[Laughs] stop it right now. That's not funny.

Stop. [Kaiden grunts]

And no doubt he's kicking off.

He's hungry. He's tired, yet he's got second wind.

I think we've got trouble brewing when I get back home.

[Kayla and kaiden shouting indistinctly]

Kayla, do you want these ones? Kaiden, look.

Don't hit your sister.

Back at home, mom had to get two cranky kids

Ready for dinner and then bath time. Kaiden, stop it right now.

You're straying too much! You're spraying too much! Come on. Stop right now.

It must have been around : before mom even got the kids

Into their bedrooms. It's just too late.

It's mine! It's mine!

It's mine! Do not hit me. You know...

And then kayla decided that she would get

Some of her mom's attention today by kicking off.

[Grunts] kayla, get in your bed.

No!yeah.

No! Kaiden was acting out, and she fed into it,

And then they both ganged up on me.

Stop. No!

Leave me alone!

I got 'em!

[Jo] mom hadn't put anything in place

To wind these kids down-- no stories, no cuddles.

I think she'd just run out of steam,

And she was just like, "just get to bed."

Like, "I'm over this. I'm done with this." Mom!

It's :. This is the last time.

Turn the tv on! Turn the tv on!

I'm gonna turn it on, and I'm going to shut the door.

[Kaiden shouts indistinctly]

So basically the tv's on, and hopefully,

They'll fall asleep. That's your hope, right? Yeah. [Laughs]

Good thing I didn't stay long at the gym.

And mom's laughing. Not funny.

You came home early from the gym tonight.right.

Had you have done your usual, your kids wouldn't have been

In bed till, like, to : at the earliest. Right. Yeah.

Mom wasn't understanding the whole picture.

I mean, this woman needs a routine.

You just can't pick your kids up and run them around everywhere

That's convenient for yourself and not have

Any consistent mealtimes or bedtimes.

So now you're going to do your studies

For your degree...yeah.

Hopefully.yeah.

Whoo, whoo, whoo!

No. Kaiden, no.

No. Do not throw it!

[Laughs] do not hit me.

[Jo] there's been so much aggression--so much,

And if mom doesn't get on board

To change these circumstances for her children,

Then there's not gonna be much hope for them.

Well, it is late, and, uh, tomorrow morning,

We are gonna need to sit down and have a family meeting,

'Cause there's much to be discussed.

I've seen so much today.

It's very clear for me what needs to be done in this house.

♪♪♪♪♪

Hello. Hi.

Let's talk about behavior.

It's appalling.

When I walk into a house, and I see children exhibit

The kind of behavior that I see kaiden show,

With his punching and biting and spitting,

I know I'm looking at a child who's broke,

Who's screaming out for help.

But you laugh. You laugh at that behavior.

It's not funny.

I guess if I'm laughing, I'm laughing at myself, like,

In disbelief, like, oh, my god, did this really just happen?

Are you kidding me right now?

Are you gonna be the family that I switch on the television

And see that another young boy is now stealing out of shops,

Is now battering his wife...

Is now inside and doing time?

When are you gonna stop laughing so that you can change it?

I realize that that's where I am now.

I'm, like, I've got to change it.

Let's talk about bedtime. Bedtime is a joke.

The kids run hoops around you.

I guess I just accepted that eventually, they'll go to sleep.

The kids weren't listen to you. You put the telly on.

It's lazy. What about you sitting down with your kids

And reading them a bedtime story?

What time do they get from you? Nothing. Not enough, no.

You're there, but you're not giving 'em anything.

I mean, what are you-- what are you thinking? I don't know.

Well, you're gonna have to start thinking.

The next thing I want to talk to you about

Is the safety in the home. We're seeing kaiden running out

Of the house, and yet you don't have a lock that's secure. Yeah, he broke it.

There's gotta be some measure of safety

Where you start to realize, "I need to make sure that

"I've got locks. I've got to make sure that the house

Is secure for nighttime." Don't you think it's a bit lazy

That you haven't just put a lock on that door?

I mean, it's your responsibility to look after your two children.

Routine is major in this house,

Because you don't have a game plan.

I've tried to set up a routine. It just...

I'm not buying the word "try,"

And I really cannot let you off the hook

Because you're a single parent raising two kids.

You obviously think it's okay to be down at the gym at :,

When really your kids should be in bed.

What part of that's okay?

I mean, how did you justify that to yourself? I'm curious.

You know, working all day long,

If I don't go to the gym, I don't have

The energy to keep up with them.

I understand that keeping healthy is an important part

Of you being able to give back. I understand that.

But you have two children

Who need to have established sleep patterns.right.

I expect % of your focus, of your attention

And your intent to make change.

So are you still on board?

Of course.

Okay. Thank you.

Coming up on...

Give me the stick and go to your room. I want...

Kaiden puts up a fight...

Kaiden.

And mom lashes out at jo. I don't get help from anybody.

Anything I [bleep] need or I want, I get myself.

When "supernanny" returns.

♪♪♪♪♪

[Jo] I've seen this working mom

Raise her kids with no structure.

So first point of business for me is putting in a routine

That will help this family. What does it say, mommy?

"The mckinney family routine."

[Jo] a well-thought-out routine

Is going to give these kids daily stability,

And certainly everybody's gonna get some sleep.

What time, ideally,

Do you think that these kids should be in bed?

Um, :. This is our schedule. This is what we're gonna do every day.

So that way the kids' needs are met,

And they're not always wondering what's gonna happen next.

[Jo] after we'd finished doing the routine,

Kaiden decided to pick up one of mom's photo frames

And throw it, and that was a perfect opportunity

For me to kick in with the cool down technique.

Eye contact. Communication will be clear.

Kaiden, will you please not throw mommy's things... [Spits]

Or spit at me? That's not okay.

I'm looking for your low-tone voice.

Kaiden, when you spit at mommy...

You're not talking to him. Hold him straight.

Kaiden, like, when you spit at me... Eye contact first.

Stop! [Sniffles] that's not okay to blow your nose.

Stop it! Use your firmer voice. That's your conversation voice.

Kaiden--kaiden... Are you kidding me right now?

Wow. This kid just punched his mom in the nose.

Kaiden is no way ready for the time out technique.

What we've got to do here is to first put in place

A zero tolerance from kaiden

So that he knows this will not be accepted. You will go to your room.

He needs to know that every time he is aggressive,

Kaiden will be placed into his own room to calm down

And then to come out and apologize for that behavior.

And when you've calmed down... And when you've calmed down...

Then you can come out of your room. Then you can come back out.

Okay, walk out then. [Kayla speaks indistinctly]

[Jo] a few minutes later, kaiden came out

As if nothing was wrong, and mom was acting the same.

What's going on here, mom? I have no idea. My nose hurts.

[Kaiden shouts indistinctly] I don't care about your nose right now.

You've got a young boy right now--

No! Get in your room! [Shouts indistinctly]

The idea is to defuse kaiden's behavior, not feed into it.

And tell him why. Kaiden, you are not coming out of your room

Because you're hitting me, and you will not come out

Until you're done. [Jo] okay, move out, mom. Move out.

It's what I call the "one strike and you're out."

You don't get any chances. You don't get any warnings.

We'll stay here until you're ready to be nice.

And then kaiden got defiant and took his clothes off.

[Grunts]

[Ashley] it was pretty frustrating

To keep dragging him back and forth to his room.

He was still testing me to see if I was for real or not.

I don't want to go into my room!

The fervor continues.

He's coming out and mom's putting him back.

But it's gonna be important that she stays on track

And follows through. [Crying]

Eventually, we did see kaiden calm down,

And he came out of his room.

When kaiden came out with his clothes on apologizing,

It made me feel hopeful that this is gonna work

As long as I stay consistent. I'm sorry for punching you in the nose.

Hugs and kisses. Okay, thank you.

It was the first sign of success.

He cut it, mom!

He's cutting it!

Because kaiden's behavior gets all of his mom's attention... No. Stop now.

Kayla decides that she'll behave that way

To get some of it as well. Who is this?

The problem is, she uses her brother as bait. Oh!

Give me my ball back, please. No.

Kaiden won't give me my ball back, mom. [Ashley] hmm.

[Crying]

[Jo] what's happening? [Ashley] whoa.

Why are you--why is he so angry? Hold a minute.

And then what did you do? She smacked me!

This whole cycle has got out of hand.

I mean, it's bad enough that kaiden's kicking off,

And now kayla is piping in. I need to just talk to mom.

Every time she instigates,

And he's left there like this as if he was the culprit,

She needs to go into time out.

And what we will do is a proper time out for her.

So she will sit in a time out for six minutes.

Just here. All right? Where she's going to sit down.

Now you're going to explain why. Okay.

You're going to explain why... We're not gonna...

And you're gonna walk away. Kayla didn't respond well at all to being put in time out.

[Screams] she kicked, was defiant, pitched a full-blown fit.

You are going to sit here for six minutes... No! No!

No! For your behavior. Yes, you will.

If she walks away, you'll bring her straight back here. Every time you walk away,

I will keep coming back and getting you. [Screeches]

No talking to her now, please. Just set the timer.

If she moves, she'll come straight back there

Again for six minutes. [Ashley] I was kind of skeptical.

I was like, is this really gonna work? [Crying]

No!

Finally, kayla stayed put for six minutes,

And mom finished the time out.

The six minutes is over, and you were in time out

Because of your behavior. I want you to apologize

For your behavior right now. Sorry for hitting kaiden.

And what about your behavior towards me?

That's unacceptable.

Sorry for breaking the rules and hitting you and running off. Okay. Can I have a hug?

Now we've established discipline

That's different for each child.

I can move forward with some more techniques...

Good follow-through, ashley.

But I don't know if mom's on board.

What's all this with the safety latch

Broken on the door,

So that kaiden can just run out when he wants to?

[Ashley] kaiden, there's a car right there.

There are cupboards that have got cleaning chemicals in them

That do need to be locked up.

Mom really needs to get handy. Let's face it.

Okay, there's your tools, literally.

[Chuckles] okay. Strap them on.

I'm thinking, what am I supposed to do with this?

This is what men are for. Ha ha.

[Jo] despite mom's qualms,

She did manage to put the safety latch on the door. Voilaà.

I mean, common sense, really, just to put a lock on that door. [Kayla] can I help you?

And then mom had to put some safety locks on the cabinets,

And you could see that she was just losing patience.

I mean, she wasn't up for it at all. [Jo] how's it going?

I'm over this, 'cause I'm gonna have to pay for this apartment

If I put any more holes in it. I'm not getting my deposit back,

That's for sure. I was just annoyed to have to put that stuff up.

I mean, is this why I called supernanny?

I couldn't really see the point.

Kaiden, what are you doing?

Mom, you need to just take care of that.

Yeah. Give me the stick and go to your room. [Speaks indistinctly]

Kayla did it, too! No, no, no, no. Come here first and explain to him

Why you have put these on the door

And the importance of him listening.

I put these on the door so you don't go outside.

Look at--eye contact. Come down to his level

And be really firm with him. [Laughs, shouts indistinctly]

Stop. You will not bite me. Do you hear me? Stop right now!

Mom clearly wasn't up for doing any discipline.

I mean, she was losing patience, so I decided to step in.

You do not bite your mother!

You took the safety handle off the door!

Now you will go straight to your room

For that behavior right now. No. No.

After I placed kaiden into his bedroom,

I came back out to find out what was going on with mom. I feel like it's hopeless.

It's point--he's never going to listen to me.

No matter what I try, nothing works. But you didn't try nothing.

You're expecting to get it after a few tries and get it,

When you've not even delivered %. You've only given him %,

And then you didn't follow through on anything.

She got mad.

Come here. I'm talking to you. Ashley.

Where are your clothes? In my bathroom.

Where are your clothes? Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me, ashley.

Ashley, let's deal with that in a minute.

I just ushered her into her bedroom.

Out came the real ashley, swearing like a sailor.

I don't get help from anybody.

So anything i... Put my mind to, I get for my kids.

They need shoes? I get 'em for 'em, not their dad,

Not... Welfare. Anything i... Need or I want, I get myself.

♪♪♪♪♪

Coming up on...

I take pride in everything that I work hard for,

And when my kids destroy it, it pisses me off.

Jo tries to bring mom back on board...

You need to hold rank in your home.

And it's another blowup at bedtime...

When "supernanny" returns.

[Jo] mom just doesn't seem committed to the hard work

To change these kids' behavior.

And when I bluntly told her, oh, she didn't like it.

Come here. I'm talking to you. Ashley.

And she let off.

I saw the most emotion I've ever seen from her.

And the more I remained quiet, the more she talked.

I take pride in everything that I work hard for,

And when my kids destroy, it pisses me off.

My friends say,

"You should b*at that kid, and he would stop."

I'm not gonna b*at my kid.

But when he bites me, I want to b*at his ass,

And that's why I shut down.

And that's my way of regaining control for a moment of myself.

Hello, ashley.

I'm jo.

Hi. Pleased to meet you.

Because today

I feel it's the first time that I've really got to know you.

This is the first day that, really, you've let me in.

I applaud you for recognizing

That you are not gonna be physical with him

Because it's abuse.

But you need to hold rank in your home.

Your children need consistency.

Consistency is everything that brings you to success.

It's what these kids need. They need to know that

Through thick and thin, you will be there.

And it will change,

So we're gonna cr*ck this and get out there and work.

Now I've met the real ashley,

I'm hoping we can get some work done. [Chuckling]

The next thing to deal with was the kids' bedtime.

These kids are always riled up, and they never want to sleep.

[Squeals] tonight, we're doing things differently.

I wanna read it. Okay, you can help me with the pages.

I wanted mom to create a space

Where these kids could just wind down before bedtime,

A place where she could just cuddle up with her children

And read stories.

What does it say? That was from--

It says, "to kayla on your first birthday. Love, grandma retta."

With mom being more loving and more nurturing at bedtime,

It's going to really help.

And it's gonna bring 'em closer together as a family as well.

The end.

I haven't been reading enough with my kids.

It was just like, "wow, I need to do this every day." Let's do that book again!

And then I needed to teach mom how to keep these kidsinbed,

So that everybody could get a good night's sleep.

[Jo] we're going to do the stay-in-bed technique.

When you've given the children a kiss good night,

If they come out of their bedroom,

You will tell them, "it's bedtime, darling." Okay?

And you will take them back into their bedrooms.

The second time they come out, you will say, "bedtime."

And the third time they come out,

You'll say nothing. There'll be no communication.

You'll place them back into their beds.

[Ashley] with the three steps, I was just like, "oh, my god.

Is this gonna work?" 'Cause it seemed so simple.

I was kind of skeptical. Come on. Let's go get in our beds.

I wanna look under there. Good night. It's bedtime.

Come on, kayla. We're gonna go get in your bed.

Kayla, you're a big girl. Get in. I'm gonna tuck you in. [Speaks indistinctly]

I don't want to go back to my room.

It's bedtime, kaiden.

[Kaiden] but I have to go poop. [Ashley] bedtime.

Get out of my-- [giggling]

[Kaiden] don't!

Mama.

Mama, are you not answering?

[Jo] kaiden came out of his room,

And every time he did that, mom went and got him

And ushered him back into his own bed.

And this continued for quite a while.

[Lowered voice] you are doing a fantastic job.okay.

You're pulling-- [kaiden yelling indistinctly]

You are pulling something out from somewhere.

Mama!

[Whimpering]

Mama, I have to tell you something!

[Kaiden] mama! [Sniffles]

♪♪♪♪♪

[Whispering] oh, my god!

He's asleep. Oh, my god!

[Lowered voice] he's what? He's asleep!

[Ashley] when I realized that both the kids were in bed,

It was just like, "oh, my god." This really worked.

It was, like, life-changing. At that moment, I felt like

Things are definitely gonna change.

You did it. Not me. You did it.

[Jo] and the fact that she nailed this

Was a big, big achievement for mom,

And she worked hard to get it.

[Jo] I am going for several days.

The stay-in-bed technique is required.

If you have a moment

Where you can have that little time with kayla,

That would be fantastic.yeah.

Maybe you're making bracelets or--or necklaces together.

Discipline.

Kayla has time out,

But kaiden right now has what?

Just to defuse the anger, go into his room. Correct.

So keep going.okay.

All right. [Ashley] I'm worried about things going back

To the old way, but I just have to remind myself that

That's not something that I'm willing to do.

I'mnotgonna let my kids control my life anymore. [Both] good night.

Ashley does have the tools,

But I just hope that she's just gonna hold it together

So that we can make tracks in moving forward,

Slowly but surely.

Coming up on...

Walk to my room. You are done.

Mom loses it with kaiden.

Do not! That's it!

Can jo help her keep her cool?

It's like gasoline. It, like... [Imitates expl*si*n]

When "supernanny" returns.

And now...

What's the best way to get your child to sleep alone?

"A"--gradually work your way out of the room.

"B"--stay with them until they fall asleep.

"C"--allow them to keep the tv on for comfort.

Find out the answer when we return.

And now...

What's the best way to get your child to sleep alone?

"A"--gradually work your way out of the room.

"B"--stay with them until they fall asleep.

"C"--allow them to keep the tv on for comfort.

The answer is "a."

Working your way out of the room is the best way

To break a habit that could go on for years.

So make sure the tv is off

Because children do not sleep properly with television sounds

Or a bright light on.

Hello. Hi.

I've been gone for several days, and, yes, I am very anxious

To see how mom has fared whilst I've been gone.

So I'm gonna waste no time.

Let's take a look at tone and discipline here.

Well, stay in here now

Until kayla's done. [Whining]

Do not bite! Go to your room and do not come out.

I can fly!

[Thud] you do not hit the television.

Do it again and then you're done for the night,

Do you understand me? No!

[Thud] do not! That's it!

Walk to my room.

You are done.

You hit that tv again, you will never play the wii again.

Ever! [Screaming]

[Kayla] that is not nice. [Kaiden whimpering]

When you lose it with kaiden,

It's like gasoline, seriously.

It, like... [Imitates expl*si*n] mm-hmm.

And that's what he's used to.

When he misbehaves and he hits the television,

That's a "one strike and you're out," right?right.

Because if you turn 'round

And you say to a child who's quite obstinate,

And you say, "don't hit that television again,"

What do you think they'd do? They hit the television again.

Correct. "You tell me not to hit it,

I'm gonna go and do exactly that."

So what we need to think about is our choice of words.

You're gonna have to go into your room to cool down--

One strike and you're out.right.

But to turn around and tell him not to do what you know he does,

Then he'll just go and do it again. Do it again.

You're writing a script for him. All right, so we're gonna

Take a look at making kayla time.

This is glue. That's glitter.

Keep the glitter in the tray.

All right. We should make these for each other.

[Kayla] not ready. Sitting at the table.

♪♪♪♪♪

Kaiden, you can't take those. Those are mine. He took mine.

Which one? Can you give those back to her,

And then me and you will find 'em ourselves?

Thank you. This is a pretty cool idea, kayla.

[Kayla] did you get it? Oh, yeah.

[Girl] got it.

That's really nice to see.

What do we do to just continue to improve the relationship

With you and kayla? I mean, you're making time for her now.

To consistently make time for her... Yeah.

And to make it a privilege for her to have the friends... Correct.

And to follow the rules. And that when she does that,

She will get to be rewarded with those activities. Yeah.

What I noticed there was that kayla had come up to you

And told you when kaiden was trying to interfere,

Which is a big step,

Because kayla normally would've taken care of that herself...mm-hmm.

And then you would've been prizing them apart.

So let's move on to bedtime. We're gonna get in our big boy bed.

No, I don't want to get in this one! Yep.

I don't want to! Good night, kaiden. Come on, kayla.

Kiss me. Good. [Giggles]

He's doing... No, he's not allowed in here.

[Chuckles] [whining] I don't want to go to my room.

I don't want to get in bed! Good night.

♪♪♪♪♪

What have you taught yourself with this technique?

Consistence.

And then the not talking part really works--

The no communication. It's, like, it'samazing.

[Singsong voice] love it! [Laughs] hey, you don't have to.

You have to. You have-- you just have to do it.yeah.

Fabulous. Let's take a look at kayla in time out.

Okay, ready?

[Laughs] you did the wrong one.

Here. I want you to do mine.no.

No, I want him to do mine! No.

Stop! Ow! We're taking our own turns, kayla.

[Giggling] give me the controller.

No! You've been--

And now you kicked me? Go to your room. [Whimpers]

You will not kick me. [Wailing]

Do not come out. And you're not playing the rest of the game.

[Whining] yes! No. You made the choice.

Now you stay in your room. [Crying]

The rules aren't any different for you than your brother.

[Clicks button] really?

Are they?

Are they the same, or are they different?

They're the same, but she should have a time out.

I'm gonna repeat back what you just said to me.

They're the same, but kayla should have a time out.

Did that make sense? Are they the same or not the same, then?mnh-mnh.

They're not the same. Completely not the same. Kayla's a time out.

She took the controls, and she started to sulk.

And there and then you could've gone in and given her a warning.

"You need to behave yourself right now and give me back

That control," and you saw that she didn't,

You would then just straight execute time out. Time out, right.

Howdoyou feel? I feel very hopeful, excited, committed.

That's how you should feel.

Justseeingthe changes-- it's very positive.

So are we ready for some more work?ready.

Yeah? Okay, great. That's fantastic.

Coming up on...

That's not safe.

Kaiden's behavior goes from bad...

Please don't hit me, kaiden. Ooh!

To worse. I don't want to!

When "supernanny" returns.

[Jo] from what I saw watching the dvd,

Mom is still confused

About the different types of discipline

For kayla and kaiden,

So I brought something in to help her.

What I've got here for you, ashley,

Is obviously the two kids and their different time outs.

Kaiden doesn't have a time out. He has the cool down.

But kayla does have the time out, okay?

[Ashley] when, uh, jo brought in the magnet board,

I thought it was awesome 'cause it was a really clear,

Cut-and-dry reminder, so I have something to look at

To remind myself to differentiate between

The two different forms of discipline for each of them.

[Whines indistinctly]

Kayla, you have your crayons. You have pink. No, I don't!

Right now, you're acting... [Box crashes]

[Jo] and later on in the afternoon,

Both kids gave mom the opportunity

To go ahead with that discipline.

Kayla kicked off first...

That's not pink, it's purplish-pink.

That one doesn't work. Look. Works just fine.

[Kayla] it's not pink. It's pink-orange!

Right now, kayla, you're acting a bit babyish.

And mom gave kayla a proper warning...

Kayla, the attitude is going to go now.

And kayla just looked away.

Didn't want to listen to any of it.

So are you going to lose-- lose the attitude?

And mom kind of stumbled, and so I thought,

"I-i'm gonna give her another example,

And I'm gonna show her." Kayla, look at me, please, because I want to talk to you.

If you do not look at me when I am talking to you,

You will be going straight into time out.

And I thought, "oh, here we go."

And I just dropped my tone of voice.

I want you to stop this behavior right now

Because it's not acceptable. And if you continue

To behave this way, you will be going into time out.

So just enjoy what you're doing.

She realized that she would end up in time out

If she didn't do as she was told, and we saw her just listen

And take heed to what was being said.

Previously, her behavior would've gotten out of control.

And I could definitely see that,

You know, giving her the warning and giving her the opportunity

To make the decision whether to change the behavior or not

Or go to time out has been effective.

That's not safe. Get down from there.

[Giggles] I'm gonna-- I wanna stay right... [Grunts] no.

[Jo] and not long after kayla kicked off,

Oh, yeah, kaiden did as well.

Please don't hit me, kaiden.

Mom knows that she has to defuse kaiden's temper

With the cool-down technique. So just very calmly, he goes to his room.

When you calm down, then you can come out and apologize.

Mom ushered him into his own bedroom,

And he soon became very quiet.

[Ashley] kaiden, you need to get down.

I don't want to...

Okay, question. He said, "no, I don't want to..."

I just turned around and walked out, 'cause I was like,

"Oh, my god. What do I do now?" I would ignore it.

Okay, that's what I did. He's looking for a reaction.

And once he gets it, then it's over with, yeah. Mom left kaiden alone,

And in his own time, he came around and he apologized.

[Giggling] kaiden, did you come out to apologize?

Sorry. Thank you, kaiden. May I have a hug?

Come on. That's it.

I've seen a change in kaiden's temperament,

So, i--you know, i-i think there are very subtle,

But good changes that are happening in this family.

And I hope that mom just holds on to those small changes

That are happening because theyaremoving forward.

[Jo] okay, who's gonna give me a big kiss and a hug?

Because it's time for me to go home.

Okay, and a good kiss. Mwah! And a big kiss. Mwah! Mwah!

[Ashley] I can definitely see that in the last couple weeks,

Both of my kids changed significantly.

I mean, their behavior, their demeanor, their attitude--

Everything has changed for the better.

You do have the tools. You know what you need from here.

And just keep going. How are you feeling? Good.

Yeah? Yeah.

I'm certainly saying good-bye to a young lady

Who's making smarter choices. Good to be here and help you, all right?

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

You're welcome. You're welcome.

Now I just hope she continues to pull out what she needs

From herself to get the results that she has been seeing

Over the last couple of weeks with her family. Take care!

Say bye. Have fun!

Bye, nanny jo. Bye-bye.

The road that the mckinney family's on now

Is just the road to success and happiness.

I just see nothing but positive things happening

For us from here on out.