01x09 - Finck Family

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: They're every
parent's worst nightmare--

Big [bleep]!

[screaming]

NARRATOR: Kids,
completely out of control

and taking over the household.

These families have reached
the end of the road.

They're in desperate
need of help.




NARRATOR: They only have
one alternative left.

It's time to dial Nanny 911.

Hello, this is Nanny 911.

NARRATOR: We've gathered a
team of world-class nannies

from all over the globe.

Each week from Nanny
Central, they will watch

a video of a family in crisis--

[screaming]

--and decide which nanny
is best suited to help.

They will then have one week to
take our families from living

hell to a family bliss.

Not once did these
children get praise.

I do say "thank you"!

You can ask them!

NARRATOR: Can these
families be saved?

You called me to come
fix your family problems.

But if you think you can do
a better job, get on with it.

Get in that bed
now, and stay there.

NARRATOR: Parents of
America, help is on the way.

[doorbell rings]

How are you?

NARRATOR: Tonight, with
three sets of twins,

Deborah and Paul Finck have
scored a triple double--

[yells]

NARRATOR: --of trouble.

This stay-at-home mom
and work-at-home dad

have no control over
their six little monsters.

[screaming]

Mom has lost her marbles.

I had enough of this.

You get upstairs, and
you stay up there!

NARRATOR: And Dad has
lost all faith in.

Mom

Deborah!

NARRATOR: Can Nanny Deb get this
snowbound family to warm up?

I had enough!

NARRATOR: It's "Eight is Too
Much," tonight on "Nanny 911."

[theme music]

[serene music]

[children screaming]

David, do you want this?

[child wailing]

My name is Deborah Finck.

I'm a mom of three
sets of twins.

My name is Paul Finck.

I am a father of six kids.

Amanda and Alex were adopted.

Stephen and Katarina,
we had in vitro.

David and Daniel--
surprise, surprise.

Want to see craziness?

I'll show ya.

[screaming]

DEBORAH FINK: With eight
people, there's no time to sit.

There's no time to eat.

[whining]

There's no time to breathe.

[sighs]

Hi!

DEBORAH FINK: Tree,
who's climbing up?

Who's in the toilet
bowl, fishing for what?

I have no idea.

You just pee-peed
all over the floor!

[screaming]

You're getting it all--

It's just chaos all day long.

[crash]

Then the whining
starts non-stop.

to play, and it's--

No!

[shrieking]

No more, Alex.

[shrieking]

CHILD: No!

[shouting]

And the crying.
[crying]

[banging]
- Absolutely--

- Stop!
- --not.

- [shrieking]
- No.

I'm not doing this all day long.

[shrieking]

Kids fighting amongst
themselves non-stop.

[rock music]

[grunting]

[banging]

Major problem.

[whining]

[whining]

[gibberish]

I wake up in the morning.

My husband is sleeping.

Honey, can you get up now?

He'll tell me I'm not
raising them properly.

You're having to drive them?
Why?

And I tell him, well,
why don't you help?

Join in.
You're right here, right now.

Help.
[machine whirring]

I'm still waking up, honey.

What?

And he says no.

You have to do it.

OK?

My office is right
below the living room,

and so I'm sitting in my den,
trying to make phone calls,

trying to conduct my
work during the workday.

[children shrieking]

I didn't hear you, I'm sorry.

And it's nearly impossible.

[shrieking]

You'll hear the whining,
you'll hear the crying,

you'll hear the complaining,
you'll hear the screaming,

and you go out of your mind.

Deborah!

What?

Could you keep them upstairs?

Come on.

How am I supposed to work?

I'm sorry, honey.

My wife tends to
block out entirely

from being in it every
day, all day long,

and she is become
totally oblivious.

No!

No!

No!

And then she'll
finally snap at them.

I had enough of this.

Get upstairs!

Get up.

Get out of my living room, now!

Get upstairs and
you stay up there!

Get in that room!

Get in that bed
now and stay there.

It's tough, because those are
my children, and it hurts.

Sit down!

Have to stay in your room.

No.

I want this room clean now.

I'm not a bad parent.

What is all this?

How old are you?

It's all I do all day long!

I don't want to do it anymore!

Get up!

I just need a little help--

I've had enough!

It's too much!

--and a little help
from my husband.

Paul!

Honey!

I've had enough!

[regal music]

You get upstairs and
you stay up there!

[shrieking]

[children whining and crying]

What did you think, girls?

Does this family ever
speak to each other,

or are they all
yelling and hitting?

Three sets of twins?

No wonder this mum and
dad are seeing double.

Six kids, and
where's the father?

Because of your love
for large families,

I think that you,
Deborah, will be

best to visit this household.

[dramatic music]

NANNY DEB: I'm Nanny Deb, and
I'm from Holyhead, North Wales,

and I've been a
nanny for 22 years.

[whining]

Ow!

NANNY DEB: I've been
summoned to snowy

Connecticut to keep the Finck
family from melting down.

Get out!

Guys!
Everybody!

Go downstairs now!

NANNY DEB: This family
is out of control,

and I've only got one
week to restore order.

With three sets of twins,
this could be triple trouble.

[doorbell chiming]

She's here!

[overlapping speech]
- Hello.

Hello, Nanny Deb.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Welcome to our home.

Come on in.

Hello.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Welcome.

Hello, everybody.

[children vocalizing]

Hold that, darling.

Oh, we've started
already, have we?

Today is the day that I
just observe what goes on

and how the family
dynamic works.

So I'm just going to blend in,
and that will help me see where

we need to make some changes.

Great.
OK.

- All right.
- All right, great.

Let's go.

NANNY DEB: The first
thing I see is standard.

Dad gets dressed up in his suit
and tie, and it's off to work.

DEBORAH FINCK: Cat.

Uh-oh.

NANNY DEB: Downstairs
in the basement?

Leaving Mom upstairs
to manage the morning

chaos all by herself.

[child shrieking]

I'll get you your puppy.

I'll get your puppy, I promise.

Stephen!
Give me the puppy!

[child shrieking]

Are you ready to go?

Did you brush your teeth?

Do you have socks on?

No.

NANNY DEB: Mom must get all
six kids dressed and fed--

Whoa!

NANNY DEB: --while Dad
shuffles papers in his office.

Afterwards, she's faced
with mounds of housework--

DEBORAH FINCK: OK,
wait one second.

NANNY DEB: --and
kids who know nothing

other than whining and crying.

[child whining]

DEBORAH FINCK: I'm right here.

I'm coming.

No!

[whining]

PAUL FINCK: Deborah, please!

NANNY DEB: There's
clearly a lack

of communication in this
family, which results

in hitting and fighting.

[shrieking]

Halfway through the
day, Paul comes home--

upstairs-- for lunch, demanding
food and criticizing Mom's

every decision.

DEBORAH FINCK: Do
you want lunch?

PAUL FINCK: OK.

[children whining]

Yeah.

NANNY DEB: Watching Mom and
Dad interact briefly at lunch,

it's obvious that
their communication is

as lacking as their children's.

And that is a major problem.

PAUL FINCK: What are
we doing for lunch?

Macaroni and tuna?

No.

PAUL FINCK: I did
give you more 'ronis.

DEBORAH FINCK:
You're leaving now?

PAUL FINCK: I'm going down.

NANNY DEB: Then
it's back off to--

uh, down to work for dad.

PAUL FINCK: Are you
putting them to bed?

DEBORAH FINCK: Come
on, nap time, let's go.

Nap time is an
event in itself.

CHILD: No!

DEBORAH FINCK: Take a nap.

By the time these
children go to sleep,

it'll be time to get up.

These children obviously
have no idea how to behave,

and Deborah has even less of
an idea how to teach them.

If she doesn't get a grip
soon, her children may be lost.

[shrieking and whining]

I don't know what to do.

What's going on?

I hold the door
until he gives up,

because I don't want him out.

NANNY DEB: Rather than talking
to Stephen about his feelings,

Deborah prefers simply
to lock him in his room

until he's given up, just
like she obviously has.

Hopefully Dad handles things
better after he arrives

safely upstairs from work.

[muffled conversation]

Honey, we're having dinner.

Can you get off the telephone?

[children shrieking and crying]

NANNY DEB: Unfortunately,
the children's behavior

only worsens at dinnertime--

DEBORAH FINCK:
It's not a Frisbee.

Sit down.

NANNY DEB: --while Dad
scoffs at Mom's every move.

If you don't sit
down, we're not eating.

And some food here.

NANNY DEB: And while
Paul undermines his wife,

the kids wreak havoc, and the
parents simply tune them out.

- No!
- Oh!

[laughing]

No, you don't hit, honey.

NANNY DEB: These two must
learn to be hands-on parents.

[screaming]

PAUL FINCK: Daniel,
go to the table.

- Stephen--
- It's my puppy, Dan.

Right?
- Let's go.

Brush your teeth.

PAUL FINCK: Bedtime can
take anywhere from two

to three hours.
DEBORAH FINCK: Go.

Come on.

PAUL FINCK: Usually Deborah and
I tag team putting them to bed.

Brush your teeth and I'll
give you the puppy back.

[screaming and crying]

PAUL FINCK: So she'll
try for a little bit,

then she'll get
tired or frustrated.

--want to--
[overlapping speech]

Stop it.
Go.

[children whining]
- I want my puppy.

[children shrieking]
[banging]

Sit.

Daniel.

PAUL FINCK: So
then I'll come in,

and I'll start
working with them.

Stephen.

NANNY DEB: Paul obviously thinks
he knows better than his wife.

PAUL FINCK: Now.

Ah!

NANNY DEB: But that's
clearly not the case.

Here.

[children laughing]

No more.

NANNY DEB: It's time to
sit these parents down

for a stern talk.

[dramatic music]

- Hello.
- Hello.

Hello again.

NANNY DEB: It's
been quite a day.

PAUL FINCK: Yes.
DEBORAH FINCK: Yes, it has.

NANNY DEB: The children
are supposedly in bed.

Yes.

No.

[children laughing]

I've observed a
lot today, and I

want to tell you both
that this is going to be

one of my biggest challenges.

One of the biggest problems
I've seen in this house,

really, is that these
children whine constantly.

[whining]

NANNY DEB: To me, when
children are whining like that,

and when they're lashing out
physically with their hands

and hitting each other,
it means that there's

a lack of communication.

[shrieking]

[banging]

[indistinct]

Ah!

NANNY DEB: And this is a
very, very big problem.

It's your responsibility as
parents to teach your children

how to communicate.

And both of you need to
communicate with each other.

It's going to be
difficult, but I will

teach you the way to do this.

And if you continue with
it, your lives will change.

OK?
- OK.

OK.

NANNY DEB: Try to get some rest.
DEBORAH FINCK: Yes.

- It's been a long day.
- You too.

NANNY DEB: And tomorrow
will be even longer.

We'll get it done, all right?

DEBORAH FINCK: Great.

I really don't think she'll
be able to accomplish it.

I don't take advice from anyone.

Good luck.

NANNY DEB: After a
day of observation,

the Fincks' problems are clear.

There is no communication
in this house.

So today I'll be giving the
family their own set of rules.

In my nanny bag, I have
the new family rules.

And everybody has
to follow them.

OK?

First, first,
first-- no whining.

to play in the snow.

Oh, what are you
looking at, mister?

You know about
the whining, yeah.

Hands are not for hitting.

I saw you, Miss Katarina,
hitting your mom.

[child whining]


NANNY DEB: Be consistent.

Only say what you mean.

You're not getting any more.

Eat that, then
Mommy's going to get--

Mommy will give you
more after you finish.

Who reminds us
to be consistent?

NANNY DEB: That's your job.
You're a grown-up.

- You're old enough.
- But you don't hear it.

You don't even see that
you're inconsistent sometimes.

NANNY DEB: OK, last thing.

Next to everyone's
picture, there are squares.

You see?

And the picture of what
they need to do is above.

These are the things that
you guys are going to do.

You brush your teeth,
you get a magnet.

Every time you get a
magnet, you get a reward.

Now, if you don't do
it, one gets taken away.

PAUL FINCK: My confidence
level that this

is going to be accomplished
is definitely not there.

I can see the resistance.

I can see the doubt.

You can't work miracles.

Listen, if you
implement rules and order,

the chaos will disappear,
and you will have more time.

This week is
probably going to be

harder for you than the
past nine years have been.

But it will work.

PAUL FINCK: The kids are
going to be resistant.

The children are going to
go, yeah, to hell with you.

NANNY DEB: As soon as I
laid down the new rules,

I got a preview of
the rest of the day--

one of the children
throwing a hissy fit.

KATARINA:
[whining and shrieking]

NANNY DEB: Uh, excuse
me, uh, Katarina.

KATARINA: [whining]

DEBORAH FINCK: OK, no.

It's your job.

PAUL FINCK: What do we do?

KATARINA: [shrieking]

NANNY DEB: Katarina.

Katarina, I need you to look up.

You need to use your words.

You need to use your words.

You have wonderful words.

You're doing a good job.

Take a breath.

You're doing a good job.

You are upset.

Tell me why.
Come on.

You want?
- I want that.

NANNY DEB: You want the timer.

KATARINA: [crying]

OK.

Look, Mommy took the
timer away because she

doesn't want you to have it,
but we are not whining anymore.

Do you need to go to your
room and have some time,

or would you like to go and play
with your sisters downstairs?

Go downstairs.

OK, that's great.

DEBORAH FINCK: They
don't know her.

They'll listen.

Maybe the first day,
maybe the second day.

After that, it'll go
back to the same routine.

NANNY DEB: If anybody
has a problem,

I want them to come up and use
their words like Katarina did.

She did a wonderful
job using her words.

I'm very proud of you.

OK?
- OK.

NANNY DEB: All right.

After showing the naysayers how
to handle Katarina's meltdown,

the rest of my day
was spent dealing

with tantrum after tantrum.

[crying]

No, not if you're screaming.

Not if you're screaming.

And showing the parents
the negative effect

that their lack of
communication has on the kids.

And when you're ready to talk,
we would love to have you back.

These children are so
repressed that in teaching

them to communicate, we
must start at square one.

Say in your words to Mommy.

Say, Mommy, I want it in
one big piece, please.

[whining and crying]

No!

You're angry.

Do you want to
talk about it now?

NANNY DEB: What I'm
doing is showing

Deborah and Paul
how to communicate

with their children.
- [whining]

I need you to put
your listening ears on.

Get down to the child's level,
have the child make eye contact

with you while
you're communicating,

and when they're very young
and don't have the words,

give them the words.

Did you get angry?

Did you get mad?

Yeah, you got mad and
you threw the things.

Getting these kids to start
using their words this late

in life is an uphill battle.

[whining]

You wanted dessert, but you
didn't want to eat your dinner.

But as the day grows on, the
kids begin taking baby steps.

Let's go use some words and tell
her what it is that you want.

Rather than simply
whining and moaning,

they begin speaking up.

Good boy.

Whining isn't going
to get you the toy.

You ask her, and you wait
for her to say yes or no,

because that belongs to Alex.

However, nothing
in this family will

change until Deborah learns
to relate to her kids

and Paul learns to
relate to his wife.

By night time, Paul seems to
be grasping the new techniques

and is really starting to
effectively relate to his kids.

PAUL FINCK: The
beads are your beads,

and if you don't pick them up--

Well, Alex took them out!

PAUL FINCK: Right.

So--

And I wasn't even
playing with them.

PAUL FINCK: Because--

NANNY DEB: That was good
communication, though,

because when he asked
you the question,

you answered it straight
away appropriately.

With Amanda and Alex being
older and having had this lack

of communication for so long,
it makes it a little bit tougher

than it does when you're
dealing with a three

and a four-year-old.

If children at that age don't
know how to communicate,

you've got a serious
problem on your hands.

AMANDA: Hey, stop, Alex!

PAUL FINCK: Amanda.

You're not supposed to--

DEBORAH FINCK: Amanda,
just leave her alone.


Amanda, why are you angry?

Because she keeps messing it up!

It's not supposed
to go under here.

I'm trying--

PAUL FINCK: Amanda, we're
all playing together, right?

NANNY DEB: Even though Paul is
trying his best to settle Alex

and Amanda's fight, Amanda seems
to be completely shutting down.

There's a bigger issue here, and
I need to find out what it is.

OK, Amanda, I'm going
to move your arms.

I want to look at your face.

OK, you look really upset, and
I would really like to help you,

but in order for me to help
you figure out what's wrong,

I need you to tell me
what you're feeling

and what's going on.

She cried when I tried to get
her to say why she shut down.

That's what she's been
used to doing-- lashing out

or shutting down.

As soon as I brought
her twin sister

Alex into the conversation,
Amanda started opening up.

So something just happened,
something involving

her taking a toy, right?

OK, can you kind of
tell me a little bit?

She took my toy when
I was playing with it.

In the beginning?

No.

No.

OK, so now the
truth's coming out.

Truth's always good, OK.

Why did you feel that
Daddy wasn't being fair?

Because he gave it to Alex,
even though I had it first.

NANNY DEB: OK.

It's not about a toy,
it's about feelings.

It's important, when
you need the attention,

or when you feel like
things aren't being fair,

you go and you tell a
grown-up, you go and tell

your mom or your dad, Mom,
I feel as though I'm not

getting enough attention
today, and I really

need some more attention.

You were the first-borns
in this family,

and because of that you
will always be special.

Actually, we were adopted.

NANNY DEB: You were the
first-borns in this family.

It doesn't matter where
you were born from.

You were the first-borns
in this family.

Whether you're adopted
or whether you're

born out of your
mom's tummy, you are

the first-borns in this family.

And you are very important.

And actually, being adopted
makes you (WHISPERING)

a little bit more special.

Because you were born out
of their heart, out of the

love that they
wanted to give you.

And no one person is more
important than another.

So you go and you tell them
when you need the attention.

Make sure you do it.

In this case, Amanda
and Alex are adopted.

It's essential that they
get the one-on-one time

with Deborah and Paul.

I'm sorry.

You didn't communicate
anything with me.

You need to talk to me and
tell me these things, OK?

And when I'm not being fair,
you don't think I'm being fair,

I give you permission
to tell me, OK?

Things are going to change.

All right?

Give me a hug.

I'm sorry.

As I am observing
Nanny Deb react

to my children,
what I'm thinking

is how much I haven't
done those things.

It was taking an
expl*sive situation,

and instead of taking
it to the next level,

it's bringing it right
down to a calm level.

You just got to speak up and
ask for time and attention,

all right?

Mommy too, OK?

Give me a hug?

NANNY DEB: With just
a little coaching,

Dad was able to break
through with Amanda.

He's clearly on
board with the plan.

Now that he's making
progress, it's time

to turn my attention to Mom.

No kicking, David.

No.

[whining]

Just ignore him now.

PAUL FINCK: Well, ask
him how he's feeling.

Let him talk.

NANNY DEB: But before I was able
to begin working with Deborah,

Paul decided that he knew best.

PAUL FINCK: This doesn't
come as naturally to her,

and I know that.

And so now I'm trying
to be a mentor for her,

to guide her along so that we're
able to deal with our children.

Say I'm sorry for
using bad words, Mommy.

[whining]

[indistinct speech]

Then this is going bye bye.

I'm taking it away.

No!

NANNY DEB: While
Mom isn't completely

succeeding in communicating with
David, she's at least trying.

You want me to
give it to you back?

No more bad words.

So how'd that go?

I don't know what happened.

Well, we took the
magnet off the board,

and he earned it back.

How did he earn it back?

He earned it back by saying
he'll never say it again.

PAUL FINCK: He hit you
like two or three times,

he disrupted everything, nearly
broke the box that the puzzle

came in, had a temper
tantrum, called names,

and he earned it
back by doing what?

It's not how it works.

DEBORAH FINCK: The pressure
to perform the way Paul

wants me to is so difficult.

PAUL FINCK: He
can't earn it back.

He lost it.

DEBORAH FINCK: I
feel like a failure.

PAUL FINCK: That's it,
it's done, it's over.

[door slamming]

NANNY DEB: While Paul is
making strides communicating

with his children, his
communication with his wife

is atrocious.

These kids will never
learn to use their words

until their parents do.

We had a few meltdowns.

Deborah was trying
to take care of them,

and she was basically
just giving in.

It's frustrating, because one of
my biggest fears with all this

is the day that you leave is
the last day any of this works.

And it's going to fall
apart, because Deborah

is not going to be
consistent in utilizing

the tools at her disposal.

NANNY DEB: So in other
words, you're saying

that you don't trust her.

You don't believe in her,
because you don't think

that she's capable of change.

You are going to have to be
her support system in this.

Just because she failed this
afternoon for an hour doesn't

mean she's going to fail later.

I want you to be
behind her 100%.

Deborah and Paul's extreme
communication issues

are manifesting themselves
in their children.

These kids repress their anger
to the point where they lash

out violently, and
they're at the age where

they can truly hurt each other.

Now, Daniel.

[children laughing]

[indistinct] Hi-ya.

Hi-ya!

[screaming]

[gasping]

[overlapping speech]

[gasping]

AMANDA: Ha, ha.

[gasping]

NANNY DEB: Amanda
suffocated Stephen

to the point where the poor
child was left gasping for air.

This appalling behavior must
stop before one of these kids

is injured permanently.

[shrieking]

DEBORAH FINCK: What happened?

Amanda was fighting me!

She was fighting with you?

What did she do to you?

[whining] She--

Did she hit you?

No, she put the pillow
on me and crushed me.

Oh, Stephen.
Oh.

Come here.
All right, come here.

Come here.

I'll take care of this.

made me go potty.

Come on.

Let's get changed.

You go change, and
I'll go get Amanda.

- No.
- Go change.

Come on, you need a
new pair of pants.

NANNY DEB: I cannot believe
this violent behavior has gone

unchecked for so many years.

It's high time these parents
got a serious wake-up call.

I need to have a
little word with you.

The communication in this house
is a serious, serious problem.

When you have a
nine-year-old holding

a pillow over a four-year-old's
head and laughing about it,

that's repressed anger.

When I ask any one
of your children

to sit down in front of you
and talk to you, they freeze.

That means they think
that you don't listen

and you don't understand.

Right now, everything
inside me is about to explode,

so I think I'm going to
leave for five minutes

before I start
lashing out at you,

or we're going to have
a real big problem here.

NANNY DEB: This is where
they get the message

that you don't deal with it.

Do you ever address what
it was that they did

or why they did it?

The little ones are
lashing out physically.

That's going to get worse.

And boys--
- You know what?

NANNY DEB: --have that tendency.

You know what?

You're going to have
to excuse me right now.

NANNY DEB: No, I'm not going
to excuse you, Deborah.

My children come first,
and they're screaming.

NANNY DEB: They're fine.

When they come and ask for
help, or when they scream--

Oh, so I should ignore them?

NANNY DEB: No, what
I'm saying is--

Until they come for help?

PAUL FINCK: This is
what all she does.

NANNY DEB: What I'm saying is--

PAUL FINCK: When we're
having an argument,

and I'm trying to
work with her, and I'm

trying to talk with
her, all of a sudden

that's more important
than anything--

NANNY DEB: No, Deborah,
you're not leaving.

Deborah, you're not leaving.

You're not leaving.

You're not leaving.

Deborah, you're not leaving.

Deborah, you're not leaving.

No, you're not leaving.

DEBORAH FINCK: Nanny Deb
is not what I expected.

She walked through the door,
took over, and I personally

don't believe that she's doing
right by me coming in here

and acting this way.

PAUL FINCK: You've
got to say something.

You can't just run away.

I'm not going
to argue with you.

No.

NANNY DEB: You're not
going to argue with me?

No.

NANNY DEB: As soon as
I challenged Deborah,

she shut down.

I am not going to
open the newspaper

and see Stephen's face
in there because he

has injured a child
because he does

not know how to communicate.

And I can tell you,
these girls are nine,

and they are worse at it
than the four-year-olds.

These children grow up
and continuously act out

physically.

I really want her to
understand that you have

to teach your children
how to communicate

to stop the violent behavior.

Don't keep looking at him.

I've got words for him too.

But right now, because
you're not answering me,

I am going to stand here for the
next three hours if I have to.

DEBORAH FINCK: I felt like
they were ganging up on me.

My husband is leaning more
toward her ideas and her values

and thinking she's perfect,
and she's right, and I'm wrong.

I will handle my children.

No, you are not.

I don't need you to
tell me how to handle--

Really?

--my children.

I had enough of this.

[crashing]

Get out of my living room now!

Get upstairs and
you stay up there!

NANNY DEB: These children--

I'm not perfect.

No, you're not,
and I'm not either.

No one's perfect.

But you are not raising happy,
healthy, well-adjusted children

right now.

That's why he made the
call to get the help.

She's in denial.

She really and truly
needs to wake up and learn

that she is responsible
for part of this

and she needs to
deal with it now,

before it gets
completely out of hand.

No one here thinks you get it.

Get what?

You get the fact that
there are serious issues that

are going to erupt in the
next 10 years with our kids

if we continue on the
path that we're on.

[screaming]

[whining]

[indistinct]

[screaming]

PAUL FINCK: Most of this
behavior I became numb to.

I saw all these issues with
my children and the hitting

and the screaming
and the yelling

but didn't know
what action to take.

For the last year, year
and a half, two years,

things have gotten
out of control.

We have the tools now.

We know what to do.

We know what we have to do.

I need you to listen and really
understand how important it is

that we do this, and
we do this for them,

and that we do this
for each other.

NANNY DEB: At this point, I
feel as though Paul's really

getting along with the program.

The problem I'm
having with Paul is

that I feel as
though he's not being

supportive enough of Deborah.

When I speak, all he keeps
saying is, no, she won't.

Oh, no, she won't.
Nope.

Not going to happen.

No, she won't.

[whining]

--hit you like
two or three times,

had a temper tantrum,
called names, and he

earned it back by doing what?

So it's kind of
frustrating to see this,

and then you want
me to react to this?

Absolutely not.

Paul feels that I should be
the one to reprimand them

at all times and teach them.

He doesn't put his foot
forward and help me

and join as a team with that.

I'm trying, and you just--
and I'm asking you for help.

See, the problem is
with Paul, he never

even gives me a chance to try.

It's always [clapping hands] no.

And I'm tired of it.
- Well, here's your chance.

DEBORAH FINCK: I'm tired of it.

I've tried.
I have been.

I've dropped everything.

I got off the phone before to
take care of one of my kids.

I hung up.

You say that like
that's a big deal.

It is, because I never did it!

NANNY DEB: Deborah really needs
all the support she can get.

She really needs her
husband to believe in her

and to trust that she can do
it, because she doubts herself.

Every little
step is a big one.

I don't want to hear
you say, why, oh, you're

acting like that's a big deal.

Guess what, Paul?

Would you do that
to one of your kids?

Would you constantly
say to your kids,

you're not doing it right?

He definitely wouldn't.

What is it, negative
in, negative out?

Is that what you say?

NANNY DEB: So this is
where there's a problem

in your communication.

Your negativity
makes her shut down,

and her shutting down
makes the kids shut down.

Give me a chance.

Just give me a chance.

Can you do that?

PAUL FINCK: Listening to
the kids was step one.

Listening to my wife and
being supportive of her

is step number two.

And I'm sorry.

I am up to the task
of being supportive

of the huge load
that Deborah has on

and playing the role as
the supporting father

and the supporting husband.

NANNY DEB: I want this
situation with the girls

addressed about what this
adoption thing is about.

I want you to sit
down with Alex.

I guarantee you, if
you do that, that

will change your
relationship with her almost

instantaneously.

OK.

NANNY DEB: It will--
it will happen.

I have to do that.

I have to.

NANNY DEB: The conversation
between myself and Deborah

and Paul was extremely intense.

I wanted Deborah to realize
that she masked her emotions.

And before I leave,
it's very important

that Deborah put
the adoption issue

to rest with Alex, as Paul did
with Amanda a few days ago.

The reason why I
asked you up here,

one, I want you to know
how much I love you, OK?

Never forget that.

Do you understand?

Promise?

OK.

[crying]

DEBORAH FINCK: Oh,
come here, honey.

NANNY DEB: [indistinct]

DEBORAH FINCK: What
are you feeling, honey?

I know since she's so much
like me, there's a wall there.

There's definitely a wall,
and I have to break it down,

because I love my
daughter very much.

And I will do anything
to work this out.

When you were a little
girl, you said to me, Mommy,

where did I come from?

And you know what I told you?

You came from Mommy's heart.

You came from Mommy
and Daddy's heart.

Do you know what that means?

That is so special.

I really love you, Alex.

I never wanted to hurt you, and
I'm sorry if I ever did, OK?

NANNY DEB: OK, you
did a great job.

[sniffing] I need a tissue.

Now listen, you
and Mom are going

to keep checking
in with each other

and having these little
talks about feelings.

It always helps a child to
know that the parent identifies

with them, especially when they
feel as though all they get

is negative attention
from that parent.

Deborah and Alex are
incredibly alike,

and I think by both
of them opening up

during this conversation,
it will change

their relationship altogether.

KATARINA: (WHINING)
I want to play.

Go and talk to Amanda and
ask her if you could play.

KATARINA: Can I play?

Sure.

OK.

PAUL FINCK: Isn't this nice?

We're all
communicating, we're all

talking, and look what happens.

Everyone gets to play,
no hitting, no screaming,

no yelling.

NANNY DEB: Over
the next few days,

the Fincks began
making huge strides.

That really made me mad.

And that made you mad?

Good choice of words.

I'm so proud of you.

NANNY DEB: Deborah is finally
learning how to communicate

with her children.

DEBORAH FINCK: That's very good.

NANNY DEB: And in turn,
they're learning to communicate

with words and not their hands.

What are our hands used for?

Pattycake.

Pattycake.

NANNY DEB: And the
screaming and whining is

becoming a thing of the past.

[upbeat music]

And Stephen?

- What?
- Make sure to share.

Don't take them all.

He was here first
trying to play, OK?

Mm-hm.

NANNY DEB: Paul has
learned that in addition

to being there for
his kids, he must

first be there for his wife.

PAUL FINCK: You
two are so big now.

Look at you.

NANNY DEB: And now
that Mom and Dad

are working together, the
kids have begun taking

responsibility for
themselves and happily

help out around the house.

PAUL FINCK: I've never
heard this house so quiet.

It's amazing.

I can hear myself think.

[chuckling]

NANNY DEB: The turnaround
in the Finck family

is as impressive as any in
all my years as a nanny.

And all that's left to
do is to say goodbye.

It's time for Nanny
to say goodbye.

I have to go help some other
kids learn how to do things.

Oh, what have you done?

Let me see.

Thank you, Nanny Deb.

you, Nanny Deb.

Thank you so much
for all your help.

You have created some
really great rules,

and we could still
have fun with them.

[sniffing] But
the whole point is

that you have helped the family,
and this is our way of saying

thank you.

[sniffing] Thank you.

Thank you.

I really mean it.

[sniffing]

Now that this is all
over, the Finck family

has actually become
the family that Paul

and I had always dreamed of.

I wish that Nanny Deb
didn't have to leave,

but there are a lot of people
out there that need her help,

and I'm willing to share her.

Now you're not going
to be trying to teach

her everything anymore.

You're going to be supporting
what she's doing, right?

- We're a team.
- OK.

Thank you.

In one week we've gone from
not communicating and not

being on the same
page and not really

hearing each other at all to all
really trying to work together.

We're so thankful for what
she brought into this house.

[laughing]

[children vocalizing]

NANNY DEB: Keep chipping away.

DEBORAH FINCK: Oh, thank you.

Keep chipping
away at that mask.

You're doing great.

Thanks.

And you know how important
it is for the kids, right?

Mm-hm.

NANNY DEB: OK.

So I have to go, so you
take care and keep up

with the rules, right?

Every child in this family
is equally important.

Every child.

And that is something that
I feel they needed to hear

and they wanted to know, and
that, forever, these children

will be important to me.

CHILDREN: Bye, Nanny Deb!

DEBORAH FINCK: At an
early point in the week,

I actually told Nanny Deb
I didn't want her anymore.

I told her to get out.

Looking back on this week,
everything we've accomplished,

I'm thrilled my husband
called Nanny 911.

NANNY DEB: It's definitely
been an intense week,

but I have to say, it's
been a wonderful week.

Come here.

Look what Nanny Deb sent us.

Look!

I'll read it to you, OK?

To the Finck family.

I'm so proud of all of you
for following the rules.

For myself and everyone
at Nanny Central,

we are leaving you
with this present

that I hope the whole
family can enjoy--

a trip to the beautiful
Turks and Caicos islands.

Oh my gosh!

We're going on a trip!

Love, Nanny Deb.

Love you, Nanny Deb.

Thank you, Nanny Deb.

All right.

Thank you!