01x09 - The Right Stuff

[bunniefuu]

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side

♪ Well, I paid a visit

♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪

♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪Till further notice♪

♪ Till further notice

♪I'm in between♪

♪ I'm in between

♪From where I'm standing♪

♪ From where I'm standing

♪ My grass is green

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side.

Macie, behold...

High school.

Come on, Dodie.

It's not that different than junior high.

That's where you're wrong, Ginger.

What you're looking at

is the very essence of the teenage experience.

Oh, great.

[breathing deeply]

DODIE: Easy, Macie.

You'll melt your sandwich.

I'm okay.

[breathing deeply]

There's nothing to worry about.

It's just a high school French class.

Yeah, with rascally teenagers

who have a lot more than conjugation on their minds.

Maybe I should take wood shop instead.

It's not like you'll be with total strangers.

Courtney will be there, too.

News flash, Ginger.

Courtney Gripling and I are hardly peas in a pod.

Courtney: Bonjour, mon ami.

Ready for "le big day," Brigitte?

Case in point.

Uh, it's Macie.

I know, silly.

That's my French name for you.

I'm thinking of going by...

Katrina.

Eww... why are there carrot sticks on the ground?

Macie's a little nervous.

Why ever would you be nervous about high school?

GIRL: Oh, look, Chantel...

little lost preteens.

Aren't they cute?

You better run along, wee ones.

The kiddy school's over there.

Who retired

and made you crossing guards?

[others gasp]

Excuse me?

We happen to be advanced preteens

on our way to high school French class.

Isn't that true, Brigitte?

Um, um...oui?

See, we're gifted.

Well, I guess we'll be seeing you later.

Looking forward to it.

Love your shoes.

Wow, thanks. That was amazing.

Standing your ground

is everything in high school, Ginger.

[bell rings]

There's the bell.

Allons-y, Brigitte, tout de suite.

Bye, Mace.

Take notes... or photos if you can.

[sighs]

Somehow, it's as if those high school doors

are opening for us, too, Ginger.

You really shouldn't have done that

to the bus driver, Carl.

This is a long walk.

That woman has no business

being behind the wheel in the first place.

Hold the phone!

Hoods, check this out.

"Larry's Mail Order Oddities."

Wow, maybe this is where our bus driver

got her removable glass eye.

See, one good treasure can make all the pain worthwhile.

Come on, can't be late or else Gordo will freak.

I'm right behind you.

One screaming lady a day is enough.

Besides my mom, I mean.

Ooh, looking good.

Bonjour...Hello...

COURTNEY: No way!

I have that same skirt but in a different color. Jinx!

Excusez-moi, mademoiselles.

Excuse us.

Looks like Will Patterson knows his French.

Do I know you?

Indirectly.

I hang with Ginger and your brother Darren.

We're kind of a posse.

Darren has a posse?

I've been at your house.

You lock your room.

Oh, and, uh, this is Katrina Gripling.

[laughs]

Funny Macie.

It's Courtney.

Enchanté.

[giggles]

Bonjour!

CLASS: Bonjour, Madame Berger.

Très bien.

I would like to present Mademoiselles

Courtney Gripling and Macie Lightfoot

who because of their advanced aptitude for languages

will be joining us for the remainder of the term.

[applause]

Excellent.

Now, Courtney, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?

Well, ever since I was oh, so young

Mama and I jetted toParis for the spring collection.

Haute couture!

Fantastique.

Macie,s'il vous plait.

I've never been to France, per se

but I hear their cheese is quite good.

And, uh, I have a pool.

Une piscine?

Oui.

You may sit.

Dudes, check it out.

Piscinesare cool.

Gordon: Now, as you all know

it's time again for the spring term science fair.

This year's topic will be

"What Makes a Genius?"

Excuse me, Mrs. Gordon

but can a monkey be a genius?

Because my brother's monkey

knows how to work our toaster oven.

Really? Can he make an English muffin pizza

without burning the cheese?

No.

Then he's no genius.

Now, if you are constructing dioramas

they should be no bigger than a shoebox...

Hoods, look at this.

You can buy a microscope slide of Albert Einstein's actual DNA.

[whistles]

$! That's some serious cake.

Hey, genius doesn't come cheap.

Is there something you boys

would like to share with the rest of the class?

No particularly, Gordo.

Just discussing our project.

We do apologize for the interruption.

[clears throat]

Mrs. Berger, may I have a word?

Certainly.

Class, please study your verbs quietly.

You know some of my favorite people in the world have pools.

[chuckles] Well, what a coincidence.

I have a pool, mm-hmm, only it won't be open for another month.

We're awaiting a shipment of French mineral water to fill it with.

Either that snack cake I just ate was bad

or she's making me sick.

Snack cakes never go bad.

So, you ever think about throwing a pool party?

Who me?

Oh, gosh, no.

My parents are almost always out of town.

There'd be no supervision.

A pool with no 'rents?

Hold on a minute, cowboy.

What an excellent idea.

Everyone, pool party at Macie's.

[class cheers]

Ooh...

[wheezing]

But I'm hungry, Carl.

My stomach is gurgling and everything.

Hoods, for the last time...

We need every penny we can get.

[stomach gurgles]

Wait here while I go see if Terrence

wants to rent the pickled frog for the weekend.

Oh, well, ask him if he's going to

eat his tapioca while you're at it.

[stomach gurgling]

Not eating?

Don't tell me this is your science project.

Hoodsey Bishop-- skinny genius.

For your information, Blake Gripling

I'm not eating so that Carl and I can buy

the last of Einstein's DNA

from Larry's Mail Order Oddities.

You think you're so smart.

Oh!

[panting]

Oh, sweet mother of mercy!

[wheezing]

[door opens]

ANDREA: Did you see her practically drooling over Will?

Who does she think she is?

CHANTEL: She even triple-flicked her hair. Nerve.

That Courtney Gripling

had better not use the pool party

to get her hooks into Will.

I wouldn't put it past the little stuffer.

Stuffer?

Oh, for certain.

Hmm... well, this pool party could be fun after all.

Why don't we de-bikini Gripling

and show everyone at the party just what she's made of?

Or more to the point... not made of.

[both laugh]

Whoa...

[toilet flushes]

Is it me or are high school toilets slipperier?

Listen, young one

you'd be wise to forget what you've just heard.

Because if one word of this gets back to Gripling or anyone else

we promise to make the rest of your public school education

a living nightmare.

Oh...

Can't wait for your party.

See ya.

To think I could have been making lazy susans in wood shop.

Courtney: Macie is quite

the upwardly mobile high school socialite.

One minute she's parlez-vousing français

the next she's inviting our entire French class

to her pool this weekend.

Oh, did you hear that?

Do you think she'll invite us?

Don't be silly, Dodie, she has to.

Isn't she?

[wheezing]

Au revoir, Macie.

Yeah, yeah.

Blast that French.

Macie, we just heard about your pool party.

Oh...

The word already hit the street?

Hey, you got a diving board, right?

Uh, yeah.

All right!

Water rumble!

Rock on!

Gee, Macie, you sure made a lot of new friends fast.

I've got Courtney to thank for that.

She did it all for me...

without asking me first.

She was probably just trying to help you fit in.

You do realize that this is the kind of event

that can make or break a girl?

Well, my money's on broken.

$ with cents to spare.

Hoodsey, we're in business!

Good! Now how about that chicken pot pie you promised?

I'm a man of my word.

Hey...

Can I have some of this cottage cheese too?

It's expired, go ahead.

Good afternoon, Carl Foutley here.

First, let me say how impressed I am with your catalog.

Now, on to business.

I'm most interested in item number :

the Einstein DNA sample.

What do you mean you ran out three minutes ago?

What kind of low-rent shop runs out of Einstein DNA?

No, I do not want the Nixon DNA instead.

You know, the cottage cheese isn't bad

if you eat around the crusty part.

Hoods, can the cheese crust!

This is an emergency.

We have three days to come up with

a "What Make a Genius" project that blows Gordo away

or else it's summer school for us!

What? We can't go to summer school, Carl!

I'll sweat up a storm.

We'll have to ring out my jersey.

Hoods... that's it!

We'll collect bio samples

from everyone we meet

and compare their DNA to Einstein's

to determine their geniosity.

But Carl, we'll need a lab, and the FBI and all sorts of stuff.

Hoods, this is fourth grade science fair we're talking about.

We'll wing it.

Is geniosity a word?

Okay, the lifeguard service will send someone over.

What's next?

Just...[knock on door]

Hello, ladies, we're here for your DNA.

Assume the position of compliance.

Your choice: will it be fingernails or saliva?

Carl, out!

Maybe we can have your hairbrush.

We are trying to plan a pool party.

Pool party?

Not just any pool party.

All the extremely influential

high school teens will be there.

[sighs nasally]

Very well, carry on.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Hoodsey: Carl, theydidn't cooperate.

Next, we need to get over to Macie's right away.

To check the pool's pH level?

No, to set up the make-out room.

Have you lost your mind?!

This is a pool party, not some hippy-dippy love-in!

All right, Macie, what's up?

You're acting way more uptight than usual.

Oh... Ginger, Dodie

upon my frail shoulders I bear a horrible secret

and if I utter just one word of it

my entire public school future will be destroyed.

And they may just take you down with me, too.

Who's they?

Chantel and Andrea, the wicked high school girls who...

Chantel and Andrea?

What did they do to you?

Come on, Lightfoot, out with it.

No, I can't... I can't say...

Well, if you can'tsay. thenshow.

Okay.

Ginger: Five words.

Fourth and fifth words...

Courtney Gripling!

Courtney: I swore after this past summer of growth

that I'd never do this again.

You can just wear another suit.

But this suit came from the Paris shows.

It's totally apropos.

What happens when you get in the pool?

I don't suppose they make waterproof tissue.

Courtney! You'll never guess what I got!

Don't know, don't care, don't slam the door on your way our.

Curses!

No matter, I'm quite certain

Winston will appreciate my cunning.

Oh, Winston!

[pops bubble wrap]

Miranda!

Look what I found.

Both: De-bikini-ing?!

High school's way rougher than I thought.

You're telling me.

[snorting sigh]

You guys, Courtney may not be our best friend

but we can't let her be humiliated like this.

Oh, yes, we can, Ginger.

This is my future we're talking about.

I got to side with Macie on this.

If we let those high school kids push us around now

who know what will happen next year, or the year after that?

But we cannot take on high school teens.

Especially girls with side ponytails.

I'll cancel the party.

Not an option.

She's right.

Andrea and Chantel would know

why you canceled.

You have to have the party.

But what about Courtney's bikini top?

Courtney can't lose her bikini top

if it's attached to the bottom.

[phone rings]

Courtney Gripling's room, Miranda speaking.

Eww... it's Foutley.

Hello, Ginger.

Hi, Courtney.

Hope I'm not catching you at a bad time.

Oh, no, I'm modeling my new bathing suit for Miranda.

Oh...

That's kind of why I was calling.

Um, what kind of suit are you wearing to the big bash?

How cute...

Ginger's fishing for fashion tips.

Aw...

Well, Ginger, as you may not know

this upcoming season is all about bikinis and Buddha beads.

Really?

Uh, I heard one-pieces were in.

[Courtney laughing]

Courtney: I bet Dodie told you that.

Take it from me: the Buddha beads may be optional

but you'll definitely want to wear a bikini.

I wouldn't be seen without one.

Want to bet?

What's that?

Nothing. Uh, see you tomorrow.

All: Oh...!

We need a new plan.

All we have to do is keep Courtney

away from Andrea and Chantel.

Kind of like when those bullies

used to play keep-away with your lunch box.

Oh, what I'd give for the good old days.

Dwayne sure has a lot of ear wax.

If that's not a sign of genius, I don't know what is.

That's nothing compared to what we'll score today.

Try this bathing suit on.

But Carl, I like my super-hero swim trunks.

They give me extra confidence

and my mom says they're slimming.

Yeah, well, they don't have enough pockets.

Hmm, not bad.

We regret to inform you

that the Lightfoots' no gum policy is strictly enforced.

I ask that you dispose of all chewing gum

with my associate, Hoods P. Bishop.

One wad per receptacle, please.

[hip hop playing...]

Hello, Macie.

Oh...bonjour.

Cut the French.

Where's Courtney?

Not here yet.

You haven't told her

about our little secret, have you?

Apricot jerky?

[grunting...]

Am I glad to see you.

I'm sworn to secrecy

so I can't tell you why

but we need your help

in running interference

between the high school girls and Courtney.

No prob.

I have an older brother.

My whole life's about interference.

Well, if it isn't my little brother Metal Head.

Greeting... Wilbert.

Ooh, I told you never to call me that!

You're going in.

Will, no! I'll rust!

Wait... aah!

[splash]

Will: I told you. [laughs]

Are you all right?

I lost my hat.

I'll get it.

Bonjour,mes amis.

I haven't kept you waiting...

have I, Will?

[all gasp]

Shame on you, Gregor Smith.

Your mother teaches Sunday school.

Oh...

[gasps]

You look really great.

[laughs]

Thanks. Polka dots are all the rage inParis.

Hi, Courtney.

Ginger!

Your bathing suit is so... vintage.

We've been looking all over for you, Courtney.

We thought you'd never get here.

[laughs] You act like I'm the life of the party.

Oh, but you are.

What do you think about a game of chicken?

I guess... so long as I can have Will as my partner.

Sure.

[giggles]

[both sigh in disgust]

Courtney, I really need to talk to you

right away, in private.

Okay, Ginger, don't have a kitten.

This is her first real high school pool party.

What gives, Ginger?

You're acting really freaky.

Um, uh... Courtney, I have something to tell you.

Macie heard Chantel and Andrea talking about you.

Ginger, you're starting to sound like Miranda.

There is no reason for you to be jealous

of my new high school friends.

But Courtney...

You'll always be my junior high friend.

Now, let's play chicken!

Whoo!

Bad news: we're out of soy dogs.

Worse news: I tried to tell Courtney

but she wouldn't listen.

Now what?

If that bikini top goes flying...

We'll be there to catch it.

Oh... oh...

Now listen up.

By the power vested in me by the lifeguards' union

I must inform you that unfair play will not be tolerated

and is punishable by ejection.

Now play chicken!

[blows whistle]

[kids cheering]

[giggling]

Whoa... whoa... whoa!

[laughing]

Whoa...

You're so slippery.

Oh...

Macie... code red.

I see a strap that's just waiting to be snapped...

[screams]

Whoa... whoa...

I knew it!

[Ginger grunts]

Dodie... uh...

[blows whistle]

That's a violation!

Everyone out of the pool!

Party's over.

Kids: Oh...

Come on, come on...

dog-paddle your way over here, come on.

Way to go, losers.

[both gasp]

Nice inner tube.

Preteen.

Sorry about all this, Courtney.

[sniffling]: It's not your fault, Brigitte.

Ginger tried to tell me and you saved me

with this really disgusting childhood relic.

I guess I know who my real friends are.

[sniffles]

She called us her real friends.

I don't know if I can handle that kind of responsibility.

Gordon: So let me see if I understand you correctly.

You believe this man's earwax

contains DNA resembling that of Einstein

which proves him to be a genius?

That is our hypothesis, yes.

Nice try, Foutley

but I fear such mediocre efforts

pale by comparison.

Mrs. Gordon, may I call your attention

to my presentation of authentic Albert Einstein DNA?

You snake! I should have known it was you

who bought my brilliant idea.

Bought?!

So sorry, Foutley.

He who snoozes...

Loses.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to

disqualify your entry, Blake.

Science is a study.

One which must be experienced and proven.

Not purchased from some dime store.

But, but it was a catalog!

Hoodsey, Carl...

While I shudder to think

of how you came upon these... bodily samples

and question the validity of your claim

I commend your efforts.

It looks like I won't be seeing you

in summer school after all.

Oh, salvation!

Gordo, perhaps it is you who is the genius.

No one like a kiss-up, Carl.

[expl*si*n]

[kids scream]

Miranda: Eww... it's Foutley.